WEBVTT - #2099 Breaking Generational Cycles - Dr. Sam Casey 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:02.759 I get a team. It's U project. Craig. Anthony Harper 0:00:02.800 --> 0:00:07.560 is my name. Doctor Sam is with us as she 0:00:07.600 --> 0:00:11.040 always does once a month or so from the Thriving 0:00:11.119 --> 0:00:17.599 Metropolis Buddy Cathatha, isn't it it is? Oh my goodness someone. 0:00:19.239 --> 0:00:21.520 You and I were just waxing lyrical as I do 0:00:21.680 --> 0:00:23.959 with most of my guests before we get underway, and 0:00:24.000 --> 0:00:27.040 we're trying to figure out I'm just going to be open, 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:30.760 open folks. This is when you have a podcast. You're 0:00:30.760 --> 0:00:33.960 always trying to think about what's a conversation that we 0:00:34.040 --> 0:00:36.000 haven't had or that we can have it in a different way, 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:38.120 or that people want to hear about, Like what's a topic, 0:00:38.159 --> 0:00:41.120 what's an area, what's subject matter? What's a conversation? It's 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:43.199 hopefully going to be good to listen to and relevant, 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:47.479 but also might be of value to people as in 0:00:47.560 --> 0:00:49.760 they can operationalize something. They can go, oh, I never 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:51.720 thought about that. I can try that. I can put 0:00:51.720 --> 0:00:56.440 that into practice and tell me what you said to 0:00:56.480 --> 0:00:59.960 me about, like what really kind of lights you up 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:04.399 or your main area of I guess interest and work 0:01:04.440 --> 0:01:08.320 around healing and growing and with adults and kids, and 0:01:08.760 --> 0:01:10.920 just say what you said to me, I can't articulate 0:01:10.959 --> 0:01:13.400 it well, like what is it that you love? 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:16.600 I think a lot of the time us when we 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:19.039 go into helping professionals, we want to work with children, 0:01:19.120 --> 0:01:21.760 we come at it from our own place off I 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:24.119 would say, probably wounding right where we go. I want 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:26.039 to give kids the childhood that I never had, or 0:01:26.040 --> 0:01:28.400 I want to treat children in the way that I 0:01:28.440 --> 0:01:29.600 never got treated, you. 0:01:29.560 --> 0:01:31.440 Know, And so we come at it from that place. 0:01:31.959 --> 0:01:34.960 And I think what's really interesting is without even knowing it, 0:01:35.040 --> 0:01:38.800 we're trying to heal through children, or we're trying to 0:01:38.840 --> 0:01:41.280 heal before we interact with kids. You know, let's get 0:01:41.280 --> 0:01:44.880 our stuff sorted before we you know, approach them or 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:46.399 have kids or work with kids. 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:49.920 And so for me, my point of interest is. 0:01:50.160 --> 0:01:53.520 The healing and the growth alongside children, because I think 0:01:53.560 --> 0:01:56.480 that's the most powerfulest way. So that we are on 0:01:56.520 --> 0:01:59.480 this journey with kids alongside, then we're doing the work 0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:01.240 just as my which is we're trying to support them 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:04.120 to do this work. And I feel like it's the 0:02:04.160 --> 0:02:06.360 most authentic way as well for kids to see us 0:02:06.440 --> 0:02:08.200 as not these perfect. 0:02:07.840 --> 0:02:10.760 Beings but rather also part of the human experience. 0:02:11.680 --> 0:02:16.399 That's interesting like I think about I think about the 0:02:16.400 --> 0:02:19.440 the dude who was the morbiley obese teenager with the 0:02:19.520 --> 0:02:22.160 eating disorder and the body dysmorphia and all the fucking 0:02:22.160 --> 0:02:26.679 emotional and psychological issues and sociological issues who was wildly 0:02:26.680 --> 0:02:29.960 insecure and hated how he looked, and then then open 0:02:30.040 --> 0:02:33.360 the first personal training center in the country. You know me, 0:02:33.480 --> 0:02:38.840 I'm talking about sam in cause you're wondering, you know, 0:02:39.400 --> 0:02:44.480 and like me, still at sixty with you know, not massive, 0:02:44.520 --> 0:02:47.080 but I would you know, still issues like is there 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:50.040 do I ever get insecured? Do I ever get disappointed 0:02:50.080 --> 0:02:53.120 in how I look? Do I ever feel embarrassed? Yeah? 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:57.160 Of course, am I Is everything resolved? No? You know, 0:02:57.240 --> 0:03:00.920 So it is interesting working alongside people that you're helping 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:06.480 to get in shape physically, mentally, emotionally, practically while you're 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:09.360 kind of still on that journey yourself. And I think 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:13.040 because even though you know, I went to the university 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.239 and did EXI science and all of those things, and 0:03:15.320 --> 0:03:18.800 I trained a lot of people, and you're coming from 0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:23.480 a place of knowledge and insight and research and academia 0:03:23.639 --> 0:03:27.600 and blah blah qualifications and skills, but you're also coming 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:29.720 from the place of yeah, I know how you feel, 0:03:29.960 --> 0:03:33.880 because how you feel I used to feel, if not exactly, 0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:37.200 that very close version of that. And also I didn't 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:40.320 like anyone seeing me with no shirt on. And also 0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:44.960 I got embarrassed often. And also my identity was hey Jumbo, 0:03:45.520 --> 0:03:47.920 like that was my identity, right, that was my name 0:03:47.960 --> 0:03:50.880 at school and blah blah and all that. And so 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:56.440 I never really thought until you said that about me 0:03:56.760 --> 0:03:59.680 healing alongside the people that I'm working with. But I 0:03:59.720 --> 0:04:01.800 think that's that's kind of good in the sight. 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:04.680 Yeah, I mean imagine this, right, Craig, If you know, 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:07.160 you connect back with those experiences, right, And I think 0:04:07.160 --> 0:04:10.480 that there is so much compassion and understanding and curiosity 0:04:10.520 --> 0:04:12.960 that we get from that by knowing what it feels 0:04:12.960 --> 0:04:14.960 like for a child. But imagine if you were a parent, 0:04:15.560 --> 0:04:17.599 or you were working with a bunch of young kids 0:04:17.920 --> 0:04:20.080 and there was a child there overweight and they were 0:04:20.400 --> 0:04:23.440 hating on themselves and they were now as a parent, 0:04:23.680 --> 0:04:24.040 you know. 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:26.840 The compassion but could be there, but you could be. 0:04:26.800 --> 0:04:29.479 Like, oh, no, I've created this. I had these problems, 0:04:29.680 --> 0:04:31.760 do you know, So it's going to be triggering things 0:04:31.839 --> 0:04:33.960 with you. So your child or the children that you 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:37.320 work with anything around these weight issues, his body dysmorphia 0:04:37.760 --> 0:04:38.760 would naturally bring. 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:39.320 Up stuff for you. 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:42.400 Yeah, yeah, yeah, And. 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:43.880 You're at this point in the journey where you're like, 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:45.719 I want to take you there, like I want you 0:04:45.800 --> 0:04:47.800 to be there, but they're not there. And I think 0:04:47.800 --> 0:04:49.599 it's really hard for parents to sit in that space. 0:04:49.680 --> 0:04:52.200 They was anxiety, and they see their child being anxious, 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:54.280 They're like, oh, of course this, this is my fault. 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:56.760 Like they get into this I need to fix this 0:04:56.880 --> 0:04:59.040 for them, and they get into this kind of blame 0:04:59.120 --> 0:05:03.800 shames like spiral rather than being able to separate the 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:07.280 distinct selves and going I'm here, but I'm not them 0:05:07.320 --> 0:05:10.520 and they're not me, and I can't be projecting this stuff. 0:05:10.520 --> 0:05:12.000 But at the same time, I need to know where 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:15.120 my influences and where it's not And how do I 0:05:15.200 --> 0:05:19.840 ground myself in my own experience, my own inner child. Yeah, 0:05:19.920 --> 0:05:23.160 without like I said, bleeding over identifying that kind of stuff. 0:05:24.720 --> 0:05:29.400 What as much as you're comfortable to talk about your like, 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:33.479 what what were you healing as you started working in 0:05:33.520 --> 0:05:36.000 the space and you went to union, you got your doctorate, 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:39.960 and you built your business, and you started working alongside 0:05:40.080 --> 0:05:44.160 kids and parents, what was the healing that needed to 0:05:44.240 --> 0:05:44.920 happen for you? 0:05:46.000 --> 0:05:48.760 So I think when I approached the industry, I wanted 0:05:48.760 --> 0:05:51.479 to like, again, give you know, kids that you know 0:05:51.520 --> 0:05:54.120 what I didn't have, and do things perfectly. 0:05:54.160 --> 0:05:56.440 And so I started researching all the things. 0:05:56.440 --> 0:05:59.640 Okay, so I got really a cross child development parenting 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:01.839 stuff and so I was really prepped in my mind 0:06:01.960 --> 0:06:04.080 to be like, I am so ready for motherhood and 0:06:04.120 --> 0:06:07.080 I'm going to raise this child that knows their feelings 0:06:07.120 --> 0:06:09.400 and you know, is going to be able to regulate 0:06:09.480 --> 0:06:10.880 and do all the things. And I'm going to be 0:06:10.880 --> 0:06:14.200 this regulated, you know parent. And then I became a parent, 0:06:14.240 --> 0:06:18.799 and I'm like, this is so unfair that a part 0:06:18.800 --> 0:06:21.560 of me knows that what a baby or a child 0:06:21.640 --> 0:06:24.960 goes through is developmental, and yet I'm making this about me. 0:06:25.200 --> 0:06:28.840 So I'm saying that their good behavior equals me being 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:30.600 a good parent. So what does it mean for their 0:06:30.640 --> 0:06:33.640 perceived bad behavior? And I was noticing the language by 0:06:33.640 --> 0:06:35.279 the way around people saying, oh, do you have a 0:06:35.279 --> 0:06:38.120 good baby, like are they sleeping through? Are they you know, 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:40.920 like going all night with needs? And I'm like, hang on, 0:06:41.040 --> 0:06:44.600 so a good baby is not having needs? Essentially, and 0:06:44.680 --> 0:06:47.560 so all that I started to unpack this, I'm like, Okay, 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:49.320 the more pressure I put on myself to be this 0:06:49.360 --> 0:06:51.840 good parent is more pressure I want to be putting 0:06:51.839 --> 0:06:53.119 on my child to be this good child. 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:55.400 But I don't align with that. I don't think good 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:57.360 is to be happy and content all the time. 0:06:57.400 --> 0:07:00.520 But that's essentially what we're saying right when we're trying 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:03.600 to fix things for kids and keep them okay. So 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:06.200 it really got me to start unlearning a lot of 0:07:06.200 --> 0:07:08.919 what I was learning and to re learn these things 0:07:08.960 --> 0:07:11.440 of what is it actually to break cycles? And so 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:13.560 you know, maybe before I thought the breaking of the 0:07:13.600 --> 0:07:17.320 cycles was to be emotionally available twenty four seven and 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:20.280 you know, have all the right responses, but I'm like, actually, no, 0:07:20.360 --> 0:07:24.280 the breaking of the cycle is to really tap into 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:27.120 my own inner voice around not being critical of myself, 0:07:27.200 --> 0:07:30.320 not shaming myself, not constantly putting myself down, and then 0:07:30.360 --> 0:07:32.960 creating my child the same amount of space to be 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:34.960 able to do that and then connect with them right 0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:37.600 being able to give them the same compassion I'm actually 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:40.840 learning to give myself and to be able to again 0:07:41.000 --> 0:07:44.200 be okay with being in this learning and growing and 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:47.760 healing alongside them, rather than pretending like I'm just perfect 0:07:47.760 --> 0:07:48.880 and unaffected by life. 0:07:50.440 --> 0:07:52.440 So I'm going to give you a little revelation I had, 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:56.120 and then I want you to give me a revelation 0:07:56.240 --> 0:07:59.000 that you had about you kind of saw things. Ah, 0:07:59.000 --> 0:08:01.120 this is how it works, and one day you went, oh, no, 0:08:01.200 --> 0:08:04.040 it isn't. It doesn't work like that, right, So my 0:08:04.160 --> 0:08:08.280 revelation was So I started in the gym industry in 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:12.760 nineteen eighty two. I started as a gym instructor. Obviously 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:15.720 I knew fuck all the qualifications back then were almost 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:23.240 non existent. I worked with a guy who was actually 0:08:23.280 --> 0:08:26.640 an exercise scientist. I think he probably had a phyz 0:08:26.760 --> 0:08:30.200 ed degree back then, and he was a pro bodybuilder. 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:32.600 He was in very good shape and he fortunately for me, 0:08:33.200 --> 0:08:36.320 I didn't even know alive anymore. His name was Clem Ziegler, 0:08:36.400 --> 0:08:41.120 and this was in Tasmania, and my job was basically 0:08:41.320 --> 0:08:45.840 just to follow him around for six months and learned 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:47.839 from him and do stuff, you know, put away the 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:49.880 way to help the odd person out here and there. 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:52.760 But really it was almost like a trainee ship. And 0:08:52.840 --> 0:08:55.080 so I started there and then I worked in gyms 0:08:55.080 --> 0:08:57.160 and I kept learning and I kept training, man, I 0:08:57.240 --> 0:09:00.680 kept reading what I could read, but like the research 0:09:00.760 --> 0:09:04.040 and the access to great information in nineteen eighty two 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:07.640 compared to what we've got now was minimal and also 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:12.880 no internet and blah blah blah. And so I remember thinking, right, 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:15.080 for me to be good, I didn't even think in 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:18.320 personal trainer terms because they didn't really exist in Australia. 0:09:18.320 --> 0:09:20.920 Then for me to be a good fitness professional, I've 0:09:20.920 --> 0:09:25.560 got to understand, you know, biomechanics and progressive overload and 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:28.719 how to do movements well and what muscles do what 0:09:28.840 --> 0:09:32.840 and what muscles are involved in what movements, and how 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:35.240 to write a program and how to write the right 0:09:35.280 --> 0:09:37.640 program for the right person based on their knees and 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:40.240 blah blah blah blah. So it's all about physiology. It's 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:43.760 all about the physical. It's all about muscles and skeleton 0:09:43.960 --> 0:09:47.920 and angles and weight and sets and reps and volume 0:09:47.960 --> 0:09:52.080 and recovery. And then one day I had this revelation. 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:56.360 I went, oh, it is about that, but it's mainly 0:09:56.400 --> 0:10:01.319 about the mind because people keep giving up, people keep stopping. 0:10:01.760 --> 0:10:04.600 All these people who joined at New Year came for 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:08.280 three weeks like world class athletes, and then most of 0:10:08.320 --> 0:10:10.320 them didn't come back, or a few of them came back. 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:14.800 And I had this revelation of the importance not the 0:10:14.880 --> 0:10:17.240 unimportance of the body, of course, but it was almost 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:20.960 like the results that we would get with our body 0:10:21.000 --> 0:10:25.160 would dependent on our ability to manage our mind when 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:29.240 we lacked motivation, or when we lacked discipline, or when 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:33.000 we didn't feel like doing it or like And I 0:10:33.120 --> 0:10:35.400 started to thinking about, Ah, how do I help people 0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:37.120 to keep doing the work when they don't want to 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:40.480 do the work? How do I help people too because 0:10:40.480 --> 0:10:42.760 everyone gets well, not everyone, but a lot of people 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:44.840 start and then one day they don't want to do it, 0:10:45.640 --> 0:10:49.760 which is why gyms can sell vast numbers of memberships 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:52.720 knowing that the majority of the people have a current 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:56.559 membership won't go because the average active gym membership is 0:10:56.600 --> 0:11:00.200 pretty like fifteen per cent or something in Australia. That 0:11:00.320 --> 0:11:04.280 for me was my revelation in the hell fitness wellness 0:11:04.320 --> 0:11:07.840 space is knowing what to do isn't enough. Having a 0:11:07.880 --> 0:11:09.400 gym membership isn't enough. 0:11:09.640 --> 0:11:11.679 When you think about, say, the programs for PTS, it 0:11:11.720 --> 0:11:13.480 could be so focused on how many reps. Right in 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:16.400 the progressive overload and all these different things. But that's 0:11:16.440 --> 0:11:19.360 actually inaccessible if we can't get through that first gate, 0:11:19.440 --> 0:11:21.199 like you said, is how do you just keep showing 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:23.040 up for yourself? How do you adapt this? How do 0:11:23.160 --> 0:11:27.240 you get through? Like you said, your mind? So what 0:11:27.280 --> 0:11:30.360 we think is the problem, which is perfectly designed, well 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:33.400 balanced exercise plan, isn't actually the problem. 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:35.000 It's going back. 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:37.719 It's I mean, it's definitely one of the ingredients. Hey, 0:11:37.760 --> 0:11:40.200 if you've got good gym equipment, if you got but 0:11:40.280 --> 0:11:43.760 you know, like I've spoken in prisons many times, many times, 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:46.120 and I go in and these dudes are in an 0:11:46.240 --> 0:11:50.319 environment where there's fuck all, Like there's not much equipment 0:11:50.360 --> 0:11:52.320 because they're not allowed. They can't have dumb bells because 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:54.840 they'll fucking kill each other, or bar bells because they'll 0:11:54.920 --> 0:11:58.679 hit each other over there. So they have it depends 0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:02.800 where actually, but some prisons that most ones have been 0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:07.360 in a high security and yeah there's not much, but 0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:10.680 these guys figure out how to train productively and effectively 0:12:10.720 --> 0:12:12.720 and get a lot out of what they've got to 0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:13.240 work with. 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:16.520 Right, It's the adaptability and the flexibility. And I think 0:12:16.559 --> 0:12:18.120 that's like if you look at the health and the 0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:20.920 fitness things. A lot of people struggle to do that. 0:12:20.920 --> 0:12:22.880 They're like, I've got this perfect plan and it's one 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:24.680 hour and it has to be the gym, and then 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:26.480 life doesn't go that way, and they're like, how do 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:28.600 I adapt this to dumb bells only? How do I 0:12:28.640 --> 0:12:31.320 adapt it to half the session and still show up? 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:34.080 I think it's the ability to keep showing up for yourself, right. 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:39.440 I think so? I think so. And also, you know, 0:12:40.000 --> 0:12:42.800 to realize that wants it or not like it or 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:47.440 not like you doing your job. Other parents are going 0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:50.120 to look at you and how you parent, so like 0:12:50.200 --> 0:12:53.080 it or not. They really want to know how. Oh 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:56.559 the bloody queen of the world, doctor Sam, let's see 0:12:56.600 --> 0:13:00.280 her being a mum. Let's see what she does. She's 0:13:00.320 --> 0:13:02.400 all telling us what to do and what not to do, 0:13:02.559 --> 0:13:04.760 or what the research says and what the data tells it. 0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:09.440 Whatever you know, and the same for me. I know 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:12.600 if I turn up to do a gig, a speaking gig, 0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:16.160 and part of what I'm there for is health, wellness, performance, 0:13:16.240 --> 0:13:20.800 high performance, physical, mental, emotional. If I turn up, same guys, 0:13:20.840 --> 0:13:25.240 same knowledge, same energy, same vibe, same communication skills, but 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:31.600 I look unfit and unhealthy, I lose instant credibility. So 0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:36.440 there's a level of expectation and pressure that will Craig. 0:13:36.760 --> 0:13:40.040 You need to kind of be a walking, talking version 0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:44.240 of what it is your selling or what it is 0:13:44.280 --> 0:13:47.920 you're sharing or educating people on. And it shouldn't be 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:48.360 that way. 0:13:48.520 --> 0:13:50.400 It shouldn't be that way. But also imagine if you 0:13:50.440 --> 0:13:52.120 always was just in that shape. So you're in a 0:13:52.160 --> 0:13:54.600 good shape and you've always been in that shape, and 0:13:54.640 --> 0:13:57.400 people expect that to be the standard. What about let's 0:13:57.400 --> 0:14:00.559 just say you weren't okay, and then past journeys, you're 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:02.320 going from not being in that shape to being in 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:04.440 that shape. Doesn't that give more credibility because you know 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:06.520 what it's like to be on the literally opposite end 0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:06.760 of that. 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:11.280 Well, only if people have that context. If they're just 0:14:11.320 --> 0:14:13.120 a bum on a seat and you're a dude on 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:16.199 a stage, they have no idea of who you are. 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:21.520 And you walk out and you're sixty two like me, 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:23.200 and you're in a pair of jeans and a black 0:14:23.240 --> 0:14:27.520 T shirt and you're in quite good shape. You know, 0:14:27.640 --> 0:14:30.080 no ego intended there, but I mean not bad shape. 0:14:30.160 --> 0:14:32.480 You walk out and people go, oh, it kind of 0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:35.480 seems to walk his talk and it's well and good 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:37.400 to go. Well, it doesn't matter if you've got the knowledge, 0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:40.600 and it doesn't matter what you look like. Yeh, only in theory. 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:43.000 In the real world, if there's a room full of 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:45.520 people and you don't look like you're doing what you're 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:48.920 asking them to do or suggesting they do, they don't 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:50.400 trust you, they don't respect you. 0:14:50.720 --> 0:14:52.320 So do you think it's but then do you reckon? 0:14:52.360 --> 0:14:55.200 They're the layers, right, So the layer is for example, 0:14:55.280 --> 0:14:58.440 let's just say they're saying, oh, yep, Sam suggests people 0:14:58.480 --> 0:14:59.760 to go to the gym for their mental health a 0:14:59.840 --> 0:15:01.640 CA and I choose not to good to the gym 0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:04.000 one day because I want to rest. They might be like, Okay, 0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:06.600 she's being inconsistent with what she's saying. She's telling everyone 0:15:06.600 --> 0:15:07.960 to go to the gym, and here she is just 0:15:08.040 --> 0:15:10.840 resting at home. Well, if we just go underneath that, 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:13.800 the bottom bit is actually for me to go. I 0:15:13.840 --> 0:15:16.000 need to start listening to myself. And some of that 0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:18.040 is that compassion and going, you know what, I need 0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:19.760 to rest, I've got a headache. And the other part 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:21.760 is that accountability and going you know what future me 0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:24.520 needs that, so what looks like me being inconsistent is 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:27.240 actually still working within my philosophy of life is I 0:15:27.240 --> 0:15:29.040 don't want to abandon myself in both ways. 0:15:29.120 --> 0:15:31.800 I don't want to shrink and I don't want to. 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:36.200 Yeah, sure, I agree. Yeah, I think it's though you're 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:38.680 talking about the micro compared to the macro. The micro 0:15:38.920 --> 0:15:40.280 is I'm going to have a couple of days off 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:42.800 here and there because I'm fucked. I'm like, yeah, totally, 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:47.000 and you should me too. But it's like, well, most 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:49.960 of the time, do you do most of what you say? 0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:53.680 And the answer is yes, well, well good. And do 0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:54.800 you need to be a maniac? 0:15:54.920 --> 0:15:54.960 No? 0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:58.280 Do you need to be you know, like an addict 0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:00.760 to the gym or no, in fact, please don't be that. 0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:04.360 And if you wake up and you're genuinely exhausted and 0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:07.600 you're meant to train and your body is telling you no, 0:16:07.720 --> 0:16:10.360 then don't go like, we still need to be smart. 0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:15.560 But I think that when you I guess it's I 0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:18.280 put up a post the other day and later on 0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:20.200 I thought maybe it was a bit mean. I don't 0:16:20.200 --> 0:16:23.960 know if it was, but it said something like basically like, 0:16:24.160 --> 0:16:27.640 don't trust a life coach whose life is shit, you know, 0:16:28.920 --> 0:16:32.240 And I remember talking it doesn't matter but to a 0:16:32.400 --> 0:16:36.600 person and they'd just done this life coaching course and 0:16:36.640 --> 0:16:40.120 I knew them, and I'm like, and not judging, I 0:16:40.320 --> 0:16:42.680 just knew the state that their life was in. It 0:16:42.760 --> 0:16:47.920 was fucking chaos and there were so many things. I'm like, ah, 0:16:48.240 --> 0:16:52.240 well done for doing the course. But I would not 0:16:52.400 --> 0:16:55.120 send anyone to you because I know you're not doing 0:16:55.200 --> 0:16:57.800 these things. So maybe you've got a bit of paper 0:16:57.800 --> 0:17:01.880 and maybe you've got some knowledge, but unless I see 0:17:01.960 --> 0:17:07.240 you walking the talk or living that knowledge and producing results, 0:17:08.040 --> 0:17:11.560 I would not send people to you, even though you 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:14.399 have a qualification. Like I think the heart though when. 0:17:14.240 --> 0:17:16.359 You think about like when you said about seeing results right, 0:17:16.400 --> 0:17:19.000 because what if someone you do have people say four times, 0:17:19.000 --> 0:17:21.200 full down, nine times, get up, ten times kind of thing. 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:24.480 What if it's mid transformation, what if it's in the 0:17:24.520 --> 0:17:26.840 messy bit Like because I agree with what you're saying, 0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:29.040 I feel like it happens so much. So it's like, 0:17:29.359 --> 0:17:34.080 for example, the relationship coach that needs a perfect relationship. 0:17:34.119 --> 0:17:36.359 She has a really good relationship and she feels amazing 0:17:36.359 --> 0:17:38.840 about it and she's coaching people, and then her relationship 0:17:38.840 --> 0:17:41.639 breaks down, her partner cheats on her and he goes away. 0:17:41.880 --> 0:17:43.600 Then she feels like crap about it. She doesn't want 0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:45.320 to do your work anymore. She just wants to forget 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:48.080 all of her experiences, all of her stuff. She feels 0:17:48.119 --> 0:17:52.320 like an impostor how do we help people compartmentalize that? 0:17:52.480 --> 0:17:55.119 Right off? It's not that your philosophy has changed. 0:17:55.160 --> 0:17:58.040 You've just you've faced the situation that you didn't anticipate 0:17:58.080 --> 0:18:00.000 and you're still in the thick of it and navigate. 0:18:00.240 --> 0:18:04.000 Yet. Yeah, No, that makes total sense. And I respect that. 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:07.080 I guess because you know, when dawned on me that 0:18:07.160 --> 0:18:11.000 while I'm saying this to you and the audience, I 0:18:11.080 --> 0:18:13.320 know this person and I have them in my head 0:18:13.400 --> 0:18:17.120 right now, and if I could describe what their life 0:18:17.280 --> 0:18:21.200 is or was actually was at this stage, you would 0:18:21.200 --> 0:18:23.840 all go, oh, I get it right. So I'm not 0:18:23.960 --> 0:18:29.840 being nasty. But to their credit, they have really done 0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:32.480 in one eighty this was probably I was a long 0:18:32.520 --> 0:18:34.760 time ago. It's probably a decade ago. I haven't seen 0:18:34.800 --> 0:18:37.600 them much, but they've really got their shit together, and 0:18:38.080 --> 0:18:40.119 you know, which is great. But yeah, and I but 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:44.880 I think that that I actually think when you talk 0:18:44.960 --> 0:18:48.840 to people about one of the normal human challenges around 0:18:48.840 --> 0:18:52.840 whatever it is, whether it's parenting, whether it's getting in shape, 0:18:52.960 --> 0:18:56.480 or whether it's relationship coaching, or you know whatever, And 0:18:56.560 --> 0:18:59.840 you mention, by the way, I still struggle with this, 0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:03.240 you know, but this is this has been for me. 0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:06.640 You know. It's like I have a pretty good understanding 0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:09.240 of how the body works. Yep, not a total, but 0:19:09.240 --> 0:19:11.719 a pretty good understanding of the body from a nutritional 0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:19.119 and a clinical and an exercise physiological, biological, psychological, neurological, cognitive. 0:19:19.200 --> 0:19:22.320 I have a pretty good probably better than the average 0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:24.199 person on the street, maybe because I've done a bit 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:28.920 of study. But at the same time, I can talk 0:19:29.000 --> 0:19:33.240 about things that seem to work and be effective while 0:19:33.359 --> 0:19:36.439 saying I struggle with this bit though I'm with you. 0:19:36.440 --> 0:19:38.040 You definitely don't need. 0:19:37.880 --> 0:19:41.439 To have Maybe it's the way that you deliver it. 0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:43.760 As in, like you said, with this guy, right, let's 0:19:43.800 --> 0:19:46.600 just say he's let's just say he's a I don't know. 0:19:46.800 --> 0:19:49.720 We've got someone that's a parent coach and they're like coaching, 0:19:49.800 --> 0:19:52.159 do not give your kids screens at all? And then 0:19:52.200 --> 0:19:54.439 they're going and their kids are on screens. You know, 0:19:54.480 --> 0:19:57.400 most hours of the day. Right, that example of maybe 0:19:57.400 --> 0:19:59.320 the guy that you're saying, which is his life super chaotic, 0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:02.280 he's preaching this other thing. It's very different from peerage 0:20:02.320 --> 0:20:05.200 coach and going hey, so these are the pros to screens, 0:20:05.200 --> 0:20:07.159 here are the cons. I'm still working out for my 0:20:07.280 --> 0:20:09.639 family where that like kind of line is or where. 0:20:09.560 --> 0:20:12.800 That balance is, these are things to consider. You make 0:20:12.880 --> 0:20:13.320 that choice. 0:20:13.320 --> 0:20:15.360