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Speaker 1: I get a team. It's U project. Craig. Anthony Harper

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Speaker 1: is my name. Doctor Sam is with us as she

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Speaker 1: always does once a month or so from the Thriving

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Speaker 1: Metropolis Buddy Cathatha, isn't it it is? Oh my goodness someone.

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Speaker 1: You and I were just waxing lyrical as I do

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Speaker 1: with most of my guests before we get underway, and

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Speaker 1: we're trying to figure out I'm just going to be open,

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Speaker 1: open folks. This is when you have a podcast. You're

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Speaker 1: always trying to think about what's a conversation that we

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Speaker 1: haven't had or that we can have it in a different way,

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Speaker 1: or that people want to hear about, Like what's a topic,

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Speaker 1: what's an area, what's subject matter? What's a conversation? It's

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Speaker 1: hopefully going to be good to listen to and relevant,

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Speaker 1: but also might be of value to people as in

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Speaker 1: they can operationalize something. They can go, oh, I never

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Speaker 1: thought about that. I can try that. I can put

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Speaker 1: that into practice and tell me what you said to

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Speaker 1: me about, like what really kind of lights you up

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Speaker 1: or your main area of I guess interest and work

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Speaker 1: around healing and growing and with adults and kids, and

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Speaker 1: just say what you said to me, I can't articulate

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Speaker 1: it well, like what is it that you love?

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Speaker 2: I think a lot of the time us when we

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Speaker 2: go into helping professionals, we want to work with children,

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Speaker 2: we come at it from our own place off I

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Speaker 2: would say, probably wounding right where we go. I want

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Speaker 2: to give kids the childhood that I never had, or

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Speaker 2: I want to treat children in the way that I

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Speaker 2: never got treated, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, And so we come at it from that place.

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Speaker 2: And I think what's really interesting is without even knowing it,

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Speaker 2: we're trying to heal through children, or we're trying to

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Speaker 2: heal before we interact with kids. You know, let's get

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Speaker 2: our stuff sorted before we you know, approach them or

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Speaker 2: have kids or work with kids.

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Speaker 3: And so for me, my point of interest is.

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Speaker 2: The healing and the growth alongside children, because I think

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Speaker 2: that's the most powerfulest way. So that we are on

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Speaker 2: this journey with kids alongside, then we're doing the work

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Speaker 2: just as my which is we're trying to support them

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Speaker 2: to do this work. And I feel like it's the

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Speaker 2: most authentic way as well for kids to see us

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Speaker 2: as not these perfect.

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Speaker 3: Beings but rather also part of the human experience.

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Speaker 1: That's interesting like I think about I think about the

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Speaker 1: the dude who was the morbiley obese teenager with the

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Speaker 1: eating disorder and the body dysmorphia and all the fucking

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Speaker 1: emotional and psychological issues and sociological issues who was wildly

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Speaker 1: insecure and hated how he looked, and then then open

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Speaker 1: the first personal training center in the country. You know me,

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about sam in cause you're wondering, you know,

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Speaker 1: and like me, still at sixty with you know, not massive,

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Speaker 1: but I would you know, still issues like is there

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Speaker 1: do I ever get insecured? Do I ever get disappointed

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Speaker 1: in how I look? Do I ever feel embarrassed? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Of course, am I Is everything resolved? No? You know,

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Speaker 1: So it is interesting working alongside people that you're helping

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Speaker 1: to get in shape physically, mentally, emotionally, practically while you're

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Speaker 1: kind of still on that journey yourself. And I think

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Speaker 1: because even though you know, I went to the university

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Speaker 1: and did EXI science and all of those things, and

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Speaker 1: I trained a lot of people, and you're coming from

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Speaker 1: a place of knowledge and insight and research and academia

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Speaker 1: and blah blah qualifications and skills, but you're also coming

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Speaker 1: from the place of yeah, I know how you feel,

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Speaker 1: because how you feel I used to feel, if not exactly,

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Speaker 1: that very close version of that. And also I didn't

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Speaker 1: like anyone seeing me with no shirt on. And also

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Speaker 1: I got embarrassed often. And also my identity was hey Jumbo,

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Speaker 1: like that was my identity, right, that was my name

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Speaker 1: at school and blah blah and all that. And so

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Speaker 1: I never really thought until you said that about me

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Speaker 1: healing alongside the people that I'm working with. But I

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Speaker 1: think that's that's kind of good in the sight.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean imagine this, right, Craig, If you know,

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Speaker 2: you connect back with those experiences, right, And I think

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Speaker 2: that there is so much compassion and understanding and curiosity

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Speaker 2: that we get from that by knowing what it feels

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Speaker 2: like for a child. But imagine if you were a parent,

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Speaker 2: or you were working with a bunch of young kids

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Speaker 2: and there was a child there overweight and they were

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Speaker 2: hating on themselves and they were now as a parent,

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 3: The compassion but could be there, but you could be.

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Speaker 2: Like, oh, no, I've created this. I had these problems,

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Speaker 2: do you know, So it's going to be triggering things

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Speaker 2: with you. So your child or the children that you

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Speaker 2: work with anything around these weight issues, his body dysmorphia

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Speaker 2: would naturally bring.

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Speaker 3: Up stuff for you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And.

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Speaker 2: You're at this point in the journey where you're like,

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Speaker 2: I want to take you there, like I want you

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Speaker 2: to be there, but they're not there. And I think

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Speaker 2: it's really hard for parents to sit in that space.

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Speaker 2: They was anxiety, and they see their child being anxious,

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Speaker 2: They're like, oh, of course this, this is my fault.

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Speaker 2: Like they get into this I need to fix this

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Speaker 2: for them, and they get into this kind of blame

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Speaker 2: shames like spiral rather than being able to separate the

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Speaker 2: distinct selves and going I'm here, but I'm not them

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Speaker 2: and they're not me, and I can't be projecting this stuff.

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Speaker 2: But at the same time, I need to know where

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Speaker 2: my influences and where it's not And how do I

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Speaker 2: ground myself in my own experience, my own inner child. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: without like I said, bleeding over identifying that kind of stuff.

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Speaker 1: What as much as you're comfortable to talk about your like,

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Speaker 1: what what were you healing as you started working in

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Speaker 1: the space and you went to union, you got your doctorate,

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Speaker 1: and you built your business, and you started working alongside

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Speaker 1: kids and parents, what was the healing that needed to

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Speaker 1: happen for you?

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Speaker 2: So I think when I approached the industry, I wanted

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Speaker 2: to like, again, give you know, kids that you know

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Speaker 2: what I didn't have, and do things perfectly.

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Speaker 3: And so I started researching all the things.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so I got really a cross child development parenting

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Speaker 2: stuff and so I was really prepped in my mind

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Speaker 2: to be like, I am so ready for motherhood and

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Speaker 2: I'm going to raise this child that knows their feelings

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Speaker 2: and you know, is going to be able to regulate

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Speaker 2: and do all the things. And I'm going to be

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Speaker 2: this regulated, you know parent. And then I became a parent,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, this is so unfair that a part

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Speaker 2: of me knows that what a baby or a child

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Speaker 2: goes through is developmental, and yet I'm making this about me.

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Speaker 2: So I'm saying that their good behavior equals me being

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Speaker 2: a good parent. So what does it mean for their

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Speaker 2: perceived bad behavior? And I was noticing the language by

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Speaker 2: the way around people saying, oh, do you have a

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Speaker 2: good baby, like are they sleeping through? Are they you know,

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Speaker 2: like going all night with needs? And I'm like, hang on,

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Speaker 2: so a good baby is not having needs? Essentially, and

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Speaker 2: so all that I started to unpack this, I'm like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: the more pressure I put on myself to be this

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Speaker 2: good parent is more pressure I want to be putting

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Speaker 2: on my child to be this good child.

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Speaker 3: But I don't align with that. I don't think good

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Speaker 3: is to be happy and content all the time.

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Speaker 2: But that's essentially what we're saying right when we're trying

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Speaker 2: to fix things for kids and keep them okay. So

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Speaker 2: it really got me to start unlearning a lot of

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Speaker 2: what I was learning and to re learn these things

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Speaker 2: of what is it actually to break cycles? And so

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Speaker 2: you know, maybe before I thought the breaking of the

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Speaker 2: cycles was to be emotionally available twenty four seven and

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Speaker 2: you know, have all the right responses, but I'm like, actually, no,

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Speaker 2: the breaking of the cycle is to really tap into

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Speaker 2: my own inner voice around not being critical of myself,

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Speaker 2: not shaming myself, not constantly putting myself down, and then

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Speaker 2: creating my child the same amount of space to be

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Speaker 2: able to do that and then connect with them right

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Speaker 2: being able to give them the same compassion I'm actually

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Speaker 2: learning to give myself and to be able to again

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Speaker 2: be okay with being in this learning and growing and

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Speaker 2: healing alongside them, rather than pretending like I'm just perfect

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Speaker 2: and unaffected by life.

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Speaker 1: So I'm going to give you a little revelation I had,

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Speaker 1: and then I want you to give me a revelation

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Speaker 1: that you had about you kind of saw things. Ah,

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Speaker 1: this is how it works, and one day you went, oh, no,

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Speaker 1: it isn't. It doesn't work like that, right, So my

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Speaker 1: revelation was So I started in the gym industry in

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Speaker 1: nineteen eighty two. I started as a gym instructor. Obviously

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Speaker 1: I knew fuck all the qualifications back then were almost

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Speaker 1: non existent. I worked with a guy who was actually

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Speaker 1: an exercise scientist. I think he probably had a phyz

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Speaker 1: ed degree back then, and he was a pro bodybuilder.

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Speaker 1: He was in very good shape and he fortunately for me,

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Speaker 1: I didn't even know alive anymore. His name was Clem Ziegler,

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Speaker 1: and this was in Tasmania, and my job was basically

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Speaker 1: just to follow him around for six months and learned

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Speaker 1: from him and do stuff, you know, put away the

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Speaker 1: way to help the odd person out here and there.

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Speaker 1: But really it was almost like a trainee ship. And

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Speaker 1: so I started there and then I worked in gyms

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Speaker 1: and I kept learning and I kept training, man, I

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Speaker 1: kept reading what I could read, but like the research

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Speaker 1: and the access to great information in nineteen eighty two

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Speaker 1: compared to what we've got now was minimal and also

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Speaker 1: no internet and blah blah blah. And so I remember thinking, right,

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Speaker 1: for me to be good, I didn't even think in

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Speaker 1: personal trainer terms because they didn't really exist in Australia.

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Speaker 1: Then for me to be a good fitness professional, I've

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Speaker 1: got to understand, you know, biomechanics and progressive overload and

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Speaker 1: how to do movements well and what muscles do what

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Speaker 1: and what muscles are involved in what movements, and how

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Speaker 1: to write a program and how to write the right

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Speaker 1: program for the right person based on their knees and

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah. So it's all about physiology. It's

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Speaker 1: all about the physical. It's all about muscles and skeleton

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Speaker 1: and angles and weight and sets and reps and volume

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Speaker 1: and recovery. And then one day I had this revelation.

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Speaker 1: I went, oh, it is about that, but it's mainly

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Speaker 1: about the mind because people keep giving up, people keep stopping.

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Speaker 1: All these people who joined at New Year came for

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Speaker 1: three weeks like world class athletes, and then most of

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Speaker 1: them didn't come back, or a few of them came back.

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Speaker 1: And I had this revelation of the importance not the

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Speaker 1: unimportance of the body, of course, but it was almost

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Speaker 1: like the results that we would get with our body

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Speaker 1: would dependent on our ability to manage our mind when

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Speaker 1: we lacked motivation, or when we lacked discipline, or when

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Speaker 1: we didn't feel like doing it or like And I

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Speaker 1: started to thinking about, Ah, how do I help people

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Speaker 1: to keep doing the work when they don't want to

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Speaker 1: do the work? How do I help people too because

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Speaker 1: everyone gets well, not everyone, but a lot of people

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Speaker 1: start and then one day they don't want to do it,

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Speaker 1: which is why gyms can sell vast numbers of memberships

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Speaker 1: knowing that the majority of the people have a current

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Speaker 1: membership won't go because the average active gym membership is

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Speaker 1: pretty like fifteen per cent or something in Australia. That

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Speaker 1: for me was my revelation in the hell fitness wellness

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Speaker 1: space is knowing what to do isn't enough. Having a

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Speaker 1: gym membership isn't enough.

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Speaker 2: When you think about, say, the programs for PTS, it

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Speaker 2: could be so focused on how many reps. Right in

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Speaker 2: the progressive overload and all these different things. But that's

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Speaker 2: actually inaccessible if we can't get through that first gate,

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Speaker 2: like you said, is how do you just keep showing

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Speaker 2: up for yourself? How do you adapt this? How do

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Speaker 2: you get through? Like you said, your mind? So what

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Speaker 2: we think is the problem, which is perfectly designed, well

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Speaker 2: balanced exercise plan, isn't actually the problem.

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Speaker 3: It's going back.

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Speaker 1: It's I mean, it's definitely one of the ingredients. Hey,

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Speaker 1: if you've got good gym equipment, if you got but

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Speaker 1: you know, like I've spoken in prisons many times, many times,

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Speaker 1: and I go in and these dudes are in an

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Speaker 1: environment where there's fuck all, Like there's not much equipment

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Speaker 1: because they're not allowed. They can't have dumb bells because

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Speaker 1: they'll fucking kill each other, or bar bells because they'll

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Speaker 1: hit each other over there. So they have it depends

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Speaker 1: where actually, but some prisons that most ones have been

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Speaker 1: in a high security and yeah there's not much, but

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Speaker 1: these guys figure out how to train productively and effectively

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Speaker 1: and get a lot out of what they've got to

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Speaker 1: work with.

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Speaker 2: Right, It's the adaptability and the flexibility. And I think

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Speaker 2: that's like if you look at the health and the

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Speaker 2: fitness things. A lot of people struggle to do that.

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Speaker 2: They're like, I've got this perfect plan and it's one

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Speaker 2: hour and it has to be the gym, and then

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Speaker 2: life doesn't go that way, and they're like, how do

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Speaker 2: I adapt this to dumb bells only? How do I

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Speaker 2: adapt it to half the session and still show up?

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Speaker 2: I think it's the ability to keep showing up for yourself, right.

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Speaker 1: I think so? I think so. And also, you know,

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Speaker 1: to realize that wants it or not like it or

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Speaker 1: not like you doing your job. Other parents are going

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Speaker 1: to look at you and how you parent, so like

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Speaker 1: it or not. They really want to know how. Oh

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Speaker 1: the bloody queen of the world, doctor Sam, let's see

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Speaker 1: her being a mum. Let's see what she does. She's

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Speaker 1: all telling us what to do and what not to do,

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Speaker 1: or what the research says and what the data tells it.

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Speaker 1: Whatever you know, and the same for me. I know

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Speaker 1: if I turn up to do a gig, a speaking gig,

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Speaker 1: and part of what I'm there for is health, wellness, performance,

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Speaker 1: high performance, physical, mental, emotional. If I turn up, same guys,

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Speaker 1: same knowledge, same energy, same vibe, same communication skills, but

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Speaker 1: I look unfit and unhealthy, I lose instant credibility. So

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Speaker 1: there's a level of expectation and pressure that will Craig.

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Speaker 1: You need to kind of be a walking, talking version

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Speaker 1: of what it is your selling or what it is

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Speaker 1: you're sharing or educating people on. And it shouldn't be

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Speaker 1: that way.

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Speaker 2: It shouldn't be that way. But also imagine if you

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Speaker 2: always was just in that shape. So you're in a

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Speaker 2: good shape and you've always been in that shape, and

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Speaker 2: people expect that to be the standard. What about let's

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Speaker 2: just say you weren't okay, and then past journeys, you're

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Speaker 2: going from not being in that shape to being in

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Speaker 2: that shape. Doesn't that give more credibility because you know

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Speaker 2: what it's like to be on the literally opposite end

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Speaker 2: of that.

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Speaker 1: Well, only if people have that context. If they're just

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Speaker 1: a bum on a seat and you're a dude on

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Speaker 1: a stage, they have no idea of who you are.

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Speaker 1: And you walk out and you're sixty two like me,

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Speaker 1: and you're in a pair of jeans and a black

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Speaker 1: T shirt and you're in quite good shape. You know,

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Speaker 1: no ego intended there, but I mean not bad shape.

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Speaker 1: You walk out and people go, oh, it kind of

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Speaker 1: seems to walk his talk and it's well and good

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Speaker 1: to go. Well, it doesn't matter if you've got the knowledge,

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Speaker 1: and it doesn't matter what you look like. Yeh, only in theory.

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Speaker 1: In the real world, if there's a room full of

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Speaker 1: people and you don't look like you're doing what you're

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Speaker 1: asking them to do or suggesting they do, they don't

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Speaker 1: trust you, they don't respect you.

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Speaker 3: So do you think it's but then do you reckon?

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Speaker 2: They're the layers, right, So the layer is for example,

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Speaker 2: let's just say they're saying, oh, yep, Sam suggests people

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Speaker 2: to go to the gym for their mental health a

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Speaker 2: CA and I choose not to good to the gym

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Speaker 2: one day because I want to rest. They might be like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: she's being inconsistent with what she's saying. She's telling everyone

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Speaker 2: to go to the gym, and here she is just

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Speaker 2: resting at home. Well, if we just go underneath that,

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Speaker 2: the bottom bit is actually for me to go. I

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Speaker 2: need to start listening to myself. And some of that

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Speaker 2: is that compassion and going, you know what, I need

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Speaker 2: to rest, I've got a headache. And the other part

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Speaker 2: is that accountability and going you know what future me

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Speaker 2: needs that, so what looks like me being inconsistent is

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Speaker 2: actually still working within my philosophy of life is I

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Speaker 2: don't want to abandon myself in both ways.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to shrink and I don't want to.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, sure, I agree. Yeah, I think it's though you're

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Speaker 1: talking about the micro compared to the macro. The micro

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Speaker 1: is I'm going to have a couple of days off

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Speaker 1: here and there because I'm fucked. I'm like, yeah, totally,

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Speaker 1: and you should me too. But it's like, well, most

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Speaker 1: of the time, do you do most of what you say?

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Speaker 1: And the answer is yes, well, well good. And do

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Speaker 1: you need to be a maniac?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: Do you need to be you know, like an addict

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Speaker 1: to the gym or no, in fact, please don't be that.

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Speaker 1: And if you wake up and you're genuinely exhausted and

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Speaker 1: you're meant to train and your body is telling you no,

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Speaker 1: then don't go like, we still need to be smart.

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Speaker 1: But I think that when you I guess it's I

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Speaker 1: put up a post the other day and later on

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Speaker 1: I thought maybe it was a bit mean. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if it was, but it said something like basically like,

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Speaker 1: don't trust a life coach whose life is shit, you know,

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Speaker 1: And I remember talking it doesn't matter but to a

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Speaker 1: person and they'd just done this life coaching course and

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Speaker 1: I knew them, and I'm like, and not judging, I

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Speaker 1: just knew the state that their life was in. It

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Speaker 1: was fucking chaos and there were so many things. I'm like, ah,

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Speaker 1: well done for doing the course. But I would not

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Speaker 1: send anyone to you because I know you're not doing

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Speaker 1: these things. So maybe you've got a bit of paper

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Speaker 1: and maybe you've got some knowledge, but unless I see

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Speaker 1: you walking the talk or living that knowledge and producing results,

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Speaker 1: I would not send people to you, even though you

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Speaker 1: have a qualification. Like I think the heart though when.

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Speaker 2: You think about like when you said about seeing results right,

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Speaker 2: because what if someone you do have people say four times,

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Speaker 2: full down, nine times, get up, ten times kind of thing.

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Speaker 2: What if it's mid transformation, what if it's in the

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Speaker 2: messy bit Like because I agree with what you're saying,

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Speaker 2: I feel like it happens so much. So it's like,

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Speaker 2: for example, the relationship coach that needs a perfect relationship.

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Speaker 2: She has a really good relationship and she feels amazing

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Speaker 2: about it and she's coaching people, and then her relationship

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Speaker 2: breaks down, her partner cheats on her and he goes away.

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Speaker 2: Then she feels like crap about it. She doesn't want

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Speaker 2: to do your work anymore. She just wants to forget

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Speaker 2: all of her experiences, all of her stuff. She feels

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Speaker 2: like an impostor how do we help people compartmentalize that?

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Speaker 3: Right off? It's not that your philosophy has changed.

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Speaker 2: You've just you've faced the situation that you didn't anticipate

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Speaker 2: and you're still in the thick of it and navigate.

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Speaker 1: Yet. Yeah, No, that makes total sense. And I respect that.

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Speaker 1: I guess because you know, when dawned on me that

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Speaker 1: while I'm saying this to you and the audience, I

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Speaker 1: know this person and I have them in my head

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Speaker 1: right now, and if I could describe what their life

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Speaker 1: is or was actually was at this stage, you would

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Speaker 1: all go, oh, I get it right. So I'm not

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Speaker 1: being nasty. But to their credit, they have really done

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Speaker 1: in one eighty this was probably I was a long

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Speaker 1: time ago. It's probably a decade ago. I haven't seen

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Speaker 1: them much, but they've really got their shit together, and

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Speaker 1: you know, which is great. But yeah, and I but

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Speaker 1: I think that that I actually think when you talk

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Speaker 1: to people about one of the normal human challenges around

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Speaker 1: whatever it is, whether it's parenting, whether it's getting in shape,

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Speaker 1: or whether it's relationship coaching, or you know whatever, And

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Speaker 1: you mention, by the way, I still struggle with this,

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Speaker 1: you know, but this is this has been for me.

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Speaker 1: You know. It's like I have a pretty good understanding

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Speaker 1: of how the body works. Yep, not a total, but

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Speaker 1: a pretty good understanding of the body from a nutritional

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Speaker 1: and a clinical and an exercise physiological, biological, psychological, neurological, cognitive.

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Speaker 1: I have a pretty good probably better than the average

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Speaker 1: person on the street, maybe because I've done a bit

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Speaker 1: of study. But at the same time, I can talk

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Speaker 1: about things that seem to work and be effective while

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Speaker 1: saying I struggle with this bit though I'm with you.

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Speaker 1: You definitely don't need.

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Speaker 3: To have Maybe it's the way that you deliver it.

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Speaker 2: As in, like you said, with this guy, right, let's

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Speaker 2: just say he's let's just say he's a I don't know.

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Speaker 2: We've got someone that's a parent coach and they're like coaching,

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Speaker 2: do not give your kids screens at all? And then

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Speaker 2: they're going and their kids are on screens. You know,

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Speaker 2: most hours of the day. Right, that example of maybe

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Speaker 2: the guy that you're saying, which is his life super chaotic,

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Speaker 2: he's preaching this other thing. It's very different from peerage

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Speaker 2: coach and going hey, so these are the pros to screens,

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Speaker 2: here are the cons. I'm still working out for my

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Speaker 2: family where that like kind of line is or where.

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Speaker 3: That balance is, these are things to consider. You make

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Speaker 3: that choice.

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Speaker 2: Can I feel like that's the difference, right, and kind

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Speaker 2: of coming at it from a place of expertise and

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Speaker 2: going hey, these are this is what I've learned, but

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Speaker 2: ultimately right, you've got to figure out where that is

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Speaker 2: for you.

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Speaker 3: I'm still going with that, and I'm still tweaking and learning.

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Speaker 2: Versus the other person who's like, no screens at all,

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Speaker 2: it's so bad, and then purposely doing the opposite, is

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Speaker 2: that you reckon the difference.

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Speaker 1: I think so. I think that's you know, it's also

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Speaker 1: and again, this is me. This is not me speaking

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Speaker 1: as a professional. This is me speaking as a human me.

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Speaker 1: It's just a fucking regular bloke. But for me to

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Speaker 1: listen to somebody, I need to respect them and trust them.

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Speaker 1: I don't necessarily need to love them. I like them,

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Speaker 1: but if I'm like, ah, like I had this doctor

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Speaker 1: specialist who is helping me with some stuff, just you

418
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Speaker 1: know what was it? Was it my ears, I think

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Speaker 1: was my ears and not my current guy, my past guy.

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Speaker 1: And I didn't love him. It's like he had the

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Speaker 1: worst bedside manner. He just but that dude was fucking

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Speaker 1: smart and like he just I'm like, oh, well, I

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Speaker 1: don't need to like you or think you're a great human,

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Speaker 1: but for what I need, which is I need someone

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Speaker 1: who really understands this and can answer my questions well,

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Speaker 1: and like you're my guy, So thank you. You're great.

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Speaker 2: You're right, And I think in your industry, the visuals

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Speaker 2: are probably the fact. Like with an ear thing, right,

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Speaker 2: it's very like you're waiting for them to talk about it,

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Speaker 2: but with your thing, it's very visual and like, kind

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Speaker 2: of coming back to what you said, I feel like

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Speaker 2: I've gone to like when I've had pets in the

433
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:49,040
Speaker 2: past and I've kind of, you know, joined in your

434
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 2: gym and they kind of give you that intro session

435
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,160
Speaker 2: and sometimes the female that's doing it has a different

436
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:57,040
Speaker 2: body shape to what I'm looking for, or they're training

437
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 2: different areas that I'm not particularly interested in. Training and so,

438
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,320
Speaker 2: and then they start talking, right, and they're like, yep,

439
00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 2: this is a split that you know, I think is

440
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:04,400
Speaker 2: going to be good.

441
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,719
Speaker 3: And I'm like, I see that you're very good at

442
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:06,919
Speaker 3: what you.

443
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,440
Speaker 2: Do, but it's not the look I'm going for, or

444
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 2: it's not part of my goals, And so I get

445
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 2: what you mean. Around you kind of you do have

446
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,600
Speaker 2: this sense of respect and trust for someone when what

447
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:17,760
Speaker 2: they're saying kind of matches up to what you're seeing

448
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 2: as well.

449
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 3: And it's a life what you want one.

450
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,560
Speaker 1: Hundred percent also, which may or may not have been

451
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 1: what you're alluding to. Some this is very specific to

452
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 1: my industry or my my industry most of my life.

453
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:37,840
Speaker 1: Some trainers basically train different people the same way, yes,

454
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,720
Speaker 1: which annoys me. Right, It's like, nah, bro, this is

455
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:48,119
Speaker 1: this is why it's called personalized exercise prescription. It's like

456
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 1: everybody comes to you. You're a doctor. They've all got

457
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:55,119
Speaker 1: different ailments. You all give them fifty milligrams of the

458
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 1: same drug.

459
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 3: Yep, so GENERIOI them, you give.

460
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,240
Speaker 1: Them all account Yeah, it's like, oh, well let's take

461
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:04,080
Speaker 1: this this is pain killer. Well yeah, but you gave

462
00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:06,359
Speaker 1: that to her. She weighs fifty kilos way one hundred

463
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 1: and twenty kilos. I've got neck pain, and she's got

464
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,919
Speaker 1: a sore big toe because she's got an infection or

465
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:17,879
Speaker 1: whatever it is. You know, So in this particular example,

466
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 1: I think people being able to go. Sam, tell me

467
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,159
Speaker 1: about you. Tell me about your training background, Tell me

468
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:28,080
Speaker 1: what you want to do, Tell me about any injuries

469
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:30,400
Speaker 1: you have, Tell me about any medication you're on. Tell

470
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,160
Speaker 1: me a bit about your sleep, a little bit about

471
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,879
Speaker 1: your food, a little bit about your lifestyle. Tell me

472
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:37,119
Speaker 1: about the kind of stuff you like to do and

473
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 1: hate to do. And when you say you want to

474
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 1: be strong, do you mean absolute strength, do you mean

475
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,600
Speaker 1: power speed? Do you mean muscular endurance? Do you want

476
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,920
Speaker 1: to do you want to build muscles so change the

477
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 1: way you look a little bit? Or do you just

478
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:51,080
Speaker 1: want strength or you know? And also tell me what

479
00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 1: cardio do you do? You know roughly how many steps

480
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 1: you walk a day? Do you want to change your

481
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,040
Speaker 1: body composition or kind of keep of how it is?

482
00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,640
Speaker 1: You know? There are so many questions that I can

483
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:03,360
Speaker 1: ask you that give me so much information, and then

484
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:07,919
Speaker 1: I can design an individually based program for you. And

485
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,479
Speaker 1: it would be a program that I would never do

486
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,959
Speaker 1: or want to do. But it isn't about what I

487
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,879
Speaker 1: prefer or what I like. It's about your body's needs.

488
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 1: That's prescription and.

489
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:21,760
Speaker 2: That see that in itself right is where your value

490
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 2: is as a coach. It's not necessarily then how you

491
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,480
Speaker 2: look it's going. I may look like this this is

492
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,520
Speaker 2: for my goals where I'm at, but hey, I'm here

493
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,479
Speaker 2: to help you discover you. So I'm on my journey

494
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,199
Speaker 2: doing me, but this is actually about you. And I

495
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,639
Speaker 2: think that's another important distinction as well, because yes, we

496
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:38,639
Speaker 2: don't want leaders to say, hey, I'm doing this and

497
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,199
Speaker 2: it works for me, and all you guys should be

498
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,200
Speaker 2: doing the same. It's like, no, I'm in this process.

499
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:45,359
Speaker 2: I'm saying my conditioning about me what I want in

500
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,240
Speaker 2: my life. But I'm here to help guide you to

501
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 2: get what you want out of life, not what I.

502
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 3: Want to out of life or not what I think

503
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,119
Speaker 3: is the measure of success. But what you define is that?

504
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:58,639
Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, one of my the last gym that

505
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:02,119
Speaker 1: I had was quite very big. It was the biggest

506
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:06,119
Speaker 1: personal training center in Australia, so like a really large space,

507
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:10,040
Speaker 1: a thousand square meters ten thousand square feet and heaps

508
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,760
Speaker 1: of equipment. There was an indoor running track, like he

509
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 1: could run a one hundred meters lap inside the building, right.

510
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:19,320
Speaker 1: There was just like lots and lots of stuff, and

511
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 1: so you could train people really well because you could

512
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:25,880
Speaker 1: always get equipment. There was you know, you never had

513
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:29,679
Speaker 1: to wait for anything. And I remember one day I

514
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:34,480
Speaker 1: came into work and one of my newish trainers who

515
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 1: didn't last very long, he'd written a program up on

516
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 1: the whiteboard in the morning. It was like quarter past six,

517
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 1: and he was training a person and he'd written the

518
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:50,879
Speaker 1: program and they were working off the whiteboard, and then

519
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:54,719
Speaker 1: at seven o'clock he rubbed out that person's name and

520
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 1: wrote another name on top of the exact same program.

521
00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:01,679
Speaker 1: And I'm like, we're going to have a chat. But

522
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,960
Speaker 1: it wasn't appropriate that I chat to him then. And

523
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 1: then at eight o'clock, you know what happened. So he

524
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 1: had three clients in a row, and then I said,

525
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,200
Speaker 1: come have a chat, and I went, okay, so tell

526
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,760
Speaker 1: me about your last three clients. And he's like, what

527
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 1: do you want to know. I'm like, well, do they

528
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 1: all have the same goals? He's like no, I go

529
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,000
Speaker 1: do they all have the same body and genetics. No,

530
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:28,159
Speaker 1: are they all the same fitness and strength? Do they

531
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:33,920
Speaker 1: have the same and do you figured it out right? Dude?

532
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:38,320
Speaker 1: That is not personal training. That is not high level

533
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 1: exercise science or delivery. That is the laziest shit I've

534
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:48,040
Speaker 1: ever seen. And he didn't love that there.

535
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 2: And I feel like what you were saying about walking

536
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 2: the talk right, if he was really committed to his

537
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:55,320
Speaker 2: training and he's doing this for him, he's got a coach,

538
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,120
Speaker 2: or he's doing it for himself, right, Well, he's got

539
00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:59,200
Speaker 2: goals and he's tweaking it and.

540
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 3: Optimizing it for him.

541
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,359
Speaker 2: I feel like that's then the follow through with your

542
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:05,200
Speaker 2: clients and going I'm doing this with my training and

543
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 2: I'm super excited about it, and this is why I'm

544
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 2: working towards This is your plan, and this is why

545
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,359
Speaker 2: I tak you towards your goals, and this is what

546
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:12,639
Speaker 2: we're going to keep tweaking. That's how I see the

547
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:16,240
Speaker 2: living what we preach. Right, It's in that way of going,

548
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 2: I'm doing this for myself and I'm getting the benefits,

549
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 2: but I'm on this journey too, but I'm here to

550
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:22,160
Speaker 2: help you do this yourself.

551
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:26,120
Speaker 1: Obviously, the way that you work with kids, even if

552
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 1: you're trying to create the same outcome, whatever that is.

553
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:32,120
Speaker 1: You know, a more functional kid, a less anxious kid,

554
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:36,760
Speaker 1: are happy at whatever. Right. I don't know, but I imagine

555
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:40,399
Speaker 1: that the way that you approach that same goal with

556
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:45,119
Speaker 1: different children is different. I'm sure it's similar in some ways.

557
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 1: But knowing that this kid's on the spectrum and that

558
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: kid's not on the spectrum and this, you know whatever,

559
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 1: then I think what about with parents? Because parents are

560
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 1: all different. Some parents are high maintenance, some are not.

561
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 1: Let's be blunt and honest, and they'd say it, I'll

562
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 1: say it. Some people are hard work, some people are

563
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:08,359
Speaker 1: you know, a bit tricky sometimes but pretty good. And

564
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:11,119
Speaker 1: then some people are like a ray of sunshine in

565
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:15,240
Speaker 1: your day. Do you when you are talking to them

566
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:20,879
Speaker 1: or you're explaining what's going on, or how careful do

567
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 1: you have to be about how you navigate that conversation,

568
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 1: because I feel like some people will bring their kid

569
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,120
Speaker 1: to you and then tell you what to do.

570
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 3: And this is a really tricky bit.

571
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:33,359
Speaker 2: And I know I'm not the only child therapist that

572
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,720
Speaker 2: has experienced this, because I've supervised quite a few, and

573
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 2: they say the same thing where the child is technically

574
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,560
Speaker 2: the client, and so we're trying to advocate for the

575
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,800
Speaker 2: child right and we're trying to explain things from the child's.

576
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 3: Perspective and point of view.

577
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,959
Speaker 2: But the parents are super defensive, naturally, because how they

578
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 2: perceive it is you're this expert and you're telling me

579
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 2: that I'm doing this wrong and I should be doing

580
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 2: this and there's a right way, and I'm on the

581
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 2: opposite end of that, and so they've already kind of

582
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 2: got their defenses up if they feel like this is

583
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 2: all my child, Like this is not me, this is them,

584
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 2: and we just need to fix that problem and everything

585
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 2: will be okay. And so I feel like it's so

586
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 2: much easier to work with a parent with them arrived

587
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:15,400
Speaker 2: at this place where they're like, I know my child

588
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 2: needs support.

589
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 3: But I also need support.

590
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 2: It's triggering a lot in me, and like, I'm going

591
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 2: to be honest with you here, I would love to

592
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 2: respond in this way, but I'm responding in this other way.

593
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:26,320
Speaker 2: I would like to, you know, live my life, but

594
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 2: here I am just stopping everything because I'm just in

595
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 2: survival mode. And when you have parents like that, you're

596
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 2: like awesome. So this is what you're taking on, which

597
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 2: is not your responsibility. You know, your child's a separate

598
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 2: sense of self, and this is what will work on

599
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:38,200
Speaker 2: in therapy.

600
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:39,400
Speaker 3: But here is your.

601
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 2: Points of influences. Here are potentially the needle movers. Give

602
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:44,920
Speaker 2: them a ranger things. What do you think is going

603
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 2: to make the most difference here.

604
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 1: And then there.

605
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 2: I feel like they're already at this place of like, Okay, yep,

606
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 2: I'm ready to work on these things. And it's not

607
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 2: the things that they think, you know, Like I said,

608
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:55,719
Speaker 2: I say this a lot. A lot of parents come

609
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 2: to me and they're like, I just need more patience.

610
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,360
Speaker 2: And what we end up finding is that no, they

611
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 2: just need to eat in the afternoon because they're expecting

612
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 2: to be calm and do dinner for their child and

613
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 2: they're running on empty. Like let's get a protein shake

614
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 2: in you so your blood sugar is regulated, or let's

615
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:12,720
Speaker 2: get you extra childcare or support. Because it's not that

616
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 2: you need more patients or more skills or more you.

617
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 3: Know, breathing techniques.

618
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 2: You actually need space, just put down the responsibility and

619
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 2: come back to yourself. So it's the things that they

620
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 2: don't expect, right, So I kind of have to work

621
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:27,520
Speaker 2: with them though on what is the need of mover

622
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 2: for them? What is actually the issue, because it's not

623
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 2: often what they think it is. It's we keep going

624
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 2: through the layers and going back to the childhood conditioning

625
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 2: and going back to their expectations, you know, off their child,

626
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 2: off their own parenting and meeting themselves where they're at

627
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 2: and meeting their child where they're at. And I think, ultimately, honestly,

628
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 2: what it comes down to is repairing the connection with themselves,

629
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 2: repairing and the child being able to connect with themselves

630
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 2: and then coming back together and connecting in the parents

631
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 2: our relationship. And we can't do that with a parent

632
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:58,600
Speaker 2: who is shaming themselves and putting themselves down, and its defensive.

633
00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:01,800
Speaker 3: We really need to get them to start yet preparing

634
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:03,320
Speaker 3: that connection with themselves.

635
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 1: Do you ever have a situation where parent, mum or

636
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 1: dad or maybe both come in and you're like, the

637
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:14,600
Speaker 1: kid doesn't have a problem. You do, the kid's actually

638
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 1: all right? I think, like you make the kid anxious,

639
00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 1: I don't think or that must be tricky when you

640
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:23,520
Speaker 1: see that mum and dad are in some way small

641
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 1: to big contributing to the problem.

642
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 2: We all are as parents, if we're really honest with ourselves,

643
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:33,120
Speaker 2: because if we see it as it's our perception of

644
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 2: the problem, and if we can, I think it's way

645
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 2: more effective to work with parents on their perception of

646
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 2: the problem and they find that everything else flows so

647
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 2: easily from them, and they will start to be able

648
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 2: to support their child in ways that they couldn't have even

649
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 2: imagined when they just shift their perspection. Because this is

650
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 2: a long term game, Like you're not going to just

651
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:53,240
Speaker 2: send a kid to therapy for ten sessions and then

652
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 2: you're never having to deal with mental health or wellbeing.

653
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 3: Again, this is like a daily practice here. We all

654
00:31:57,920 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 3: have mental health.

655
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 2: And so for me, yeah, it's if we can take

656
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 2: that in a non shamey blame way and going it

657
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 2: is actually us, but it's us in the ways of

658
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 2: it's not all about us. You know, we are influencing

659
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 2: some bits but other bits. Is actually a natural part

660
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 2: of life. And how do we just use the environment

661
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 2: to support the child, right, and how do we actually

662
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 2: also start to support ourselves to live a full life

663
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 2: so that we again descend to the problem. We often

664
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 2: blow up the problem.

665
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,360
Speaker 3: Yep. So child's experience is one issue and we're like,

666
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:27,880
Speaker 3: this is it. It's everything.

667
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 2: We don't know how to put it back to where

668
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 2: it belongs. Yep, this is a struggle. But let's grow

669
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 2: all this other good stuff, Like, let's focus on all

670
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:37,520
Speaker 2: these other things, because we are actually functioning generally well

671
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:39,440
Speaker 2: if we looked at it in the bigger picture scheme

672
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:42,520
Speaker 2: of life and build the connection around that too, and

673
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 2: systems support us.

674
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 1: I don't know if there's an absolute answer to this,

675
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,960
Speaker 1: but as best you could guess, what are the top

676
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:54,160
Speaker 1: three reasons that people bring their parents? People bring people

677
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:57,200
Speaker 1: bring their kid. Imagine bringing your parents. I might come

678
00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:00,520
Speaker 1: and see you. I'll bring Ron and Mary bring their

679
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:03,440
Speaker 1: kids in. What are the top three reasons? It can

680
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:05,040
Speaker 1: be broad, it can be specific.

681
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:07,720
Speaker 2: Okay, I'll go with the top three, and I think

682
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 2: what you're asking for, but then I'll just summon up

683
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 2: to one. So I think if you look at just

684
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 2: in a general seface level thing, we've got.

685
00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 3: Anxiety, we've got anger, and we've got I would say.

686
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say depression, probably like school issues, right, like

687
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 2: not wanting to go to school, friendship issues, those things.

688
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 2: So they're the three surface level things. If you look

689
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:29,800
Speaker 2: at what it says on the referral. But if I

690
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 2: sum it up to one core reason, it is breaking

691
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 2: generational cycles. So many parents approaching therapy and going I

692
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 2: know that I didn't really have the best emotional support

693
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 2: growing up, and I don't.

694
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 3: Want that for my child. I want to normalize.

695
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 2: Them being able to talk to someone about their problems,

696
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 2: about their feelings, getting support, and so that is, honestly

697
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 2: the core of it, I think is them trying to

698
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 2: break these cycles.

699
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 1: Wow, is such I'm actually I think I'm going to

700
00:33:57,800 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 1: call the episode that that is. And so do parents

701
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 1: often hand down? Like do you see evidence that parents

702
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 1: are handing their issues down to their kids?

703
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:11,480
Speaker 2: We all are when you think about it, And I'm

704
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,399
Speaker 2: not saying handling issue. It's not so much issues down

705
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 2: to the kids, it's we all have childhood conditioning. So

706
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 2: for the first what seven years, it's almost like our

707
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:22,680
Speaker 2: default operating system gets programmed into our brain. How we

708
00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:25,160
Speaker 2: see the world, how we respond to things, how what

709
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:27,480
Speaker 2: is love right? You know, all these rules about the

710
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 2: world and whether it's parents or the society or other.

711
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:31,600
Speaker 3: People in their lives.

712
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:33,480
Speaker 2: But the first seven years, and that is an operating

713
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,719
Speaker 2: system that we take onto all other relationships and going

714
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 2: out in the world. The issue is we don't kind

715
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:40,759
Speaker 2: of go back to that unless there's some kind of

716
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 2: major trauma that we experience will neglect to whatever else.

717
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:45,560
Speaker 2: We don't actually go back to that and going what

718
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:47,799
Speaker 2: lessons did I learn about these things and how to

719
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 2: again respond to my own anxiety or my feelings and

720
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:53,120
Speaker 2: how is that impacting my life now? And what you're

721
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 2: going to find is a lot of parents have scarcity,

722
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:57,319
Speaker 2: you know, of the world. They have this fear they

723
00:34:57,360 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 2: have this is the where good parents are, and this

724
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:00,840
Speaker 2: is what a good child is, bad parent is, and

725
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:02,359
Speaker 2: all of that kind of stuff. And if we don't

726
00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 2: go back to that, we're not going to know what

727
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:06,400
Speaker 2: unconscious scripts are running our lives because essentially it's like

728
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:09,120
Speaker 2: ninety five percent unconscious, right, five percent conscious?

729
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:13,759
Speaker 1: So oh good, yeah, surely good terms. Yeah.

730
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,840
Speaker 2: So I don't think it's like, let's sort out of issues,

731
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:19,600
Speaker 2: so we don't, you know, projecting some one to our kids.

732
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 2: It's like the issue is pretending that we don't. It's

733
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 2: owning that we do, and that we come with our

734
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 2: own set of beliefs about the world and our stories

735
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:29,080
Speaker 2: about the world and ourselves.

736
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:29,360
Speaker 3: And our kids.

737
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:31,759
Speaker 2: It's owning that so that we can continue to work

738
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 2: on them while we're continuing to parents. I think that is,

739
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:37,799
Speaker 2: to be honest, The key to it's it's those who

740
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:39,600
Speaker 2: have had parents growing up and they're like, I know

741
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 2: something is wrong and they're going through things, but they're

742
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 2: pretending they're perfect and they've had no influence on us,

743
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 2: or they're like, yes, it's all my fault.

744
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 3: You know one experience, Yeah, yeah.

745
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:54,319
Speaker 1: Do you ever have parents to come in, mums and

746
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 1: dads and they disagree on what's going on, like and

747
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 1: you need to sort that out first of course.

748
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:04,560
Speaker 2: And you know why though, because we want someone to blame,

749
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:06,640
Speaker 2: and it's easy because we can see things better from

750
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,239
Speaker 2: an outside perspective. So the mom will be like, I

751
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 2: know what his issue is. He handles it in this

752
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 2: way and this is what's contributing to this. And then

753
00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:15,560
Speaker 2: the dad will be like, I only do this because

754
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:17,839
Speaker 2: you're handling it and this way other extreme, and I

755
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:20,680
Speaker 2: need to balance it out. So it's not who's right

756
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 2: or wrong again, it's them going back to how are

757
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 2: they responding the parents child relationship in its context, and

758
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,279
Speaker 2: how do we work on that rather than conflict between

759
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:33,320
Speaker 2: who is right and wrong. Let's just actually let's just

760
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:34,840
Speaker 2: say that that's not a thing, and it's going How

761
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:36,560
Speaker 2: am I showing up for my child? Is it out

762
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 2: of fear and conditioning or is it out of this

763
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:42,040
Speaker 2: intentional value place? And how do I keep working on that?

764
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 2: And I think the main thing to do here is

765
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:45,840
Speaker 2: separate the two yep, about.

766
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 3: Who's right and wrong.

767
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 2: It's just different levels of conditioning, and we're trying to

768
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 2: work on our own stuff.

769
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 1: We've got to wind up. But I've got one I

770
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:54,399
Speaker 1: want you to refon for a little bit because I'm

771
00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:58,480
Speaker 1: fascinated with this. Quite a few of my friends are

772
00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:02,920
Speaker 1: going through real challenges in the moment with this, Like

773
00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 1: right now, one of my best friends got a child

774
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:10,359
Speaker 1: that does not want to go to school. School avoidance

775
00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:13,440
Speaker 1: seems like it might be some kind of flow on

776
00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:17,120
Speaker 1: effect maybe for some from COVID and two years stuck

777
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:18,680
Speaker 1: at home and all of that. I don't know what

778
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:21,839
Speaker 1: the relationship, if any, is, but just talk to us

779
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,240
Speaker 1: about kids not wanting to go to all the rise

780
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:26,160
Speaker 1: in kids not wanting to go to school.

781
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:31,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, the anxiety is really peaking, I think with a

782
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 2: lot of the school issues and sometimes the problem is

783
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:36,920
Speaker 2: with anxiety, we're trying to go, Okay, we're trying to

784
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 2: do things differently in honor it. So we're going to

785
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 2: adapt things for the kids, and sometimes we take it

786
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:42,759
Speaker 2: too far where we add to the anxiety because the

787
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 2: number one default way we handle anxiety's avoidance, and sometimes

788
00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:48,880
Speaker 2: by adapt to the environment so much like let's be

789
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,480
Speaker 2: child led, we end up then supporting a kid to

790
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:52,200
Speaker 2: not go to school.

791
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:55,839
Speaker 3: Yep. Yeah, So it's almost there's no right or wrong

792
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:56,799
Speaker 3: answer with this at all.

793
00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,800
Speaker 2: It's a spectrum, but it's trying to figure out do

794
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,279
Speaker 2: we need to change the environment more in terms of

795
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 2: it's actually the best fit of the school for the child,

796
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 2: Is there other things going on here that we can

797
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,399
Speaker 2: find a better environment, or do we need to make

798
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 2: this a non negotiable but then focus on things that

799
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:14,920
Speaker 2: they can control. So it's like, yep, school's happening, But

800
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:16,520
Speaker 2: what do you need, Like what is that.

801
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:18,520
Speaker 3: The core of this? Right? What is your end goal?

802
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 2: Because for a lot of kids, they have strengths, it's sports,

803
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:24,160
Speaker 2: it's something right, and so it's kind of really trying

804
00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:26,319
Speaker 2: to tap into that for them and going Okay, this

805
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:27,879
Speaker 2: is how we get there, and so then.

806
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:29,239
Speaker 3: We descenter school from it.

807
00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:33,480
Speaker 2: Right, School's just the part towards them creating this life

808
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:35,440
Speaker 2: that they love, the day that they love. So it's

809
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:36,920
Speaker 2: like we have this bit in the morning and then

810
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:38,880
Speaker 2: yet they're school, but then there's this other bit right

811
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:41,279
Speaker 2: where they're working on all this other stuff that they love.

812
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:43,520
Speaker 2: There's no right or wrong answer to it, but I

813
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 2: think knowing that the kid has the answers to this,

814
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:48,879
Speaker 2: we need to figure out ways and I think play

815
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:50,879
Speaker 2: therapy is obviously great for that too, but we need

816
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:53,480
Speaker 2: to be able to find ways to really get to

817
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:55,840
Speaker 2: the core of the issue and also know how we

818
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 2: responding to the anxiety. Are we contracting, are we trying

819
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:01,239
Speaker 2: to make so many concentstions that we're actually adding to

820
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:04,840
Speaker 2: this or are we again yeah, porting them through this

821
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:07,320
Speaker 2: and making the appropriate adaptations. And there's no right or

822
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:09,560
Speaker 2: wrong answer, but I think it does really require a

823
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:13,120
Speaker 2: holistic approach, and for the adults around going, let's be honest,

824
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:15,080
Speaker 2: like what are we Are we being driven by the

825
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:18,759
Speaker 2: child's feelings or are we actually being this grounded lighthouse

826
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 2: where we're trying to guide them and we're not being reactive?

827
00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:24,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I want to be a lighthouse just

828
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 1: the ocean.

829
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:29,120
Speaker 3: I love it that and I just keep using it.

830
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:31,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like it. You know what I'm going to

831
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:33,680
Speaker 1: say about you, doctor Sam. You're very good at your job.

832
00:39:33,719 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 1: But also we get banged for buck because you talk

833
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 1: at about one point five, which I've pointed out, but

834
00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 1: I've adjusted, my processing speed has adjusted. I'm not sure

835
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:49,160
Speaker 1: all my listeners have, but we get about seventy minutes

836
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:52,360
Speaker 1: of words in a forty five to fifty minute conversation.

837
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:55,439
Speaker 1: So thank you. It's great value, I hope.

838
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:57,520
Speaker 3: So I think I'm just making it more efficient for

839
00:39:57,560 --> 00:39:58,680
Speaker 3: all the listeners.

840
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:01,880
Speaker 1: Right, I think time, Well, the beauty of it is

841
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:04,520
Speaker 1: you can you can do seventy minutes worth of talking

842
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:06,919
Speaker 1: and they can always listen to this on zero point

843
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:09,759
Speaker 1: eight so they can slow it down. You can get

844
00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:13,279
Speaker 1: a seventy minute podcast done in less time. Bibby Bobby Boo.

845
00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 1: Dr Sam Casey. Where do people find you? If they

846
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:17,040
Speaker 1: want to find you?

847
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:21,280
Speaker 2: On Instagram at Dr Sam Casey or on my website

848
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 2: which is www dot doctor Samcasey dot com.

849
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,160
Speaker 1: Thank you for coming to play. We appreciate you and

850
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 1: are you back in full swing? Because it's we're recording

851
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 1: this on the thirtieth of jan thirtieth September. Is it

852
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:41,880
Speaker 1: thirty thirty one? Is it thirty one in January.

853
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:42,719
Speaker 3: That's a good question.

854
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:45,640
Speaker 1: We should know that people are going to go, You're

855
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:49,439
Speaker 1: so fucking stupid. You I thought it was all right. Well,

856
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:51,239
Speaker 1: good luck for the rest of you. Thank you so much,

857
00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:53,279
Speaker 1: and we look forward to spending time with you through

858
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 1: twenty twenty six. And we appreciate you.

859
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 3: Thanks Craig, appreciate you having me on.

860
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:00,200
Speaker 1: Thanks Sam,