Speaker 1: I record this podcast on Gaetigul Country. I'd like to
Speaker 1: pay my respect to the traditional.
Speaker 2: Custodians, and I'm recording o Orando Country, part of the
Speaker 2: Cooler Nation.
Speaker 3: Let's go.
Speaker 1: I know you're gonna dig this. It's like I've been
Speaker 1: given like an extra sprinkle of something.
Speaker 3: You've got layers, Yeah, I got layers.
Speaker 2: I was just thinking, I'm like, we're just such beautiful storytellers.
Speaker 1: You're making a lot of sense to that girl. No,
Speaker 1: I'm done.
Speaker 3: Let's be too honest to go. Oh that makes me
Speaker 3: laugh so much.
Speaker 1: That's funny that it is just a crack.
Speaker 3: Up with new Intro who it is?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: New Intro who is? They had so many great yarns
Speaker 1: on this pod, and we've had so many I don't know,
Speaker 1: conversations that just are now part of our history. You know,
Speaker 1: it's like a time capsule of our life.
Speaker 2: I know, we can't escape it. Remember we were like, yeah,
Speaker 2: we were so wholesome, yees yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah. You know what would be interesting is, really I
Speaker 1: haven't got time, and I know you definitely don't have time,
Speaker 1: but to go back and see how there's been a
Speaker 1: shift in our conversation, you know, from not so PG days.
Speaker 1: Oh you know, like I wonder what twenty twenty five
Speaker 1: brings in terms of our evolution, our growth, and how
Speaker 1: those conversations sit compared to two years ago. Right, I
Speaker 1: feel like that'd be so different.
Speaker 2: That would be And I think also, though I love
Speaker 2: pretty much what you just said at the time capsule,
Speaker 2: it shows that life, well, life is not linear. It's
Speaker 2: going to go in waves and dips, and I think
Speaker 2: our episodes will definitely capture that, And it would just
Speaker 2: be so interesting to like, maybe we could get a
Speaker 2: timeline of all our episode headlines and just see like, yes.
Speaker 1: What topics we were exploring sort of where we were
Speaker 1: in our lives. There'll be so many where well, I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sure they'll be triggering for us because we share
Speaker 1: so much. We're so vulnerable that like I even have
Speaker 1: that issue when I go back through my photo real
Speaker 1: like role, you know Role.
Speaker 2: Actually, I think I've downloaded every single one of our episodes,
Speaker 2: so I would have that on my Spotify.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'm going.
Speaker 3: To go through that. That that's going to be a
Speaker 3: bit of nostalgia for me.
Speaker 2: I think that's going to be really important to how
Speaker 2: I shape twenty twenty five this year, because give.
Speaker 1: Me a buzz if you end up in an emotional book,
Speaker 1: because I'll probably want to do the same thing. Yes, well,
Speaker 1: you said mentioned the word timeline earlier, and that's something
Speaker 1: that I've been like sort of thinking about. And you
Speaker 1: want to know something exciting that I'm going to just
Speaker 1: drop as a bomb in this episode. Absolutely, I'm starting
Speaker 1: the process for a child in November in Colombia.
Speaker 2: No way, Holy Maddie.
Speaker 1: When the embryos are being created in November, Oh my god.
Speaker 3: I know Brooker is ready. She was born for this,
Speaker 3: and Uncle Ricardo, we're all ready.
Speaker 1: Well, the reason I bring it up is because I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know what, this home capsule these moments in my life.
Speaker 1: One day, I'm going to sit my kids down and
Speaker 1: go go and listen to the podcast. You didn't have
Speaker 1: it as hard as me. Go and listen to what
Speaker 1: I went through.
Speaker 2: But only be specific with the episodes, Maddie, because you
Speaker 2: know before not so PG was.
Speaker 3: Not verys for kids.
Speaker 1: But you know, at what point do we delete them
Speaker 1: off the Internet?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: True, probably No. Once it's out there, it's out there,
Speaker 2: Dad says all the time.
Speaker 1: They're like, did you guys have an only fans. I
Speaker 1: was like, no, but we had a podcast basically the
Speaker 1: same thing. I listened to it. There was so much
Speaker 1: insight clothes.
Speaker 3: Oh god.
Speaker 2: Anyways, so talking about Maddy daddy. November doesn't feel like
Speaker 2: that far away, to be fair with you.
Speaker 1: It's not that far away. But we've come to a
Speaker 1: decision on the process. You know, it's like having my
Speaker 1: partner sister be involved in the process, so it'll be
Speaker 1: a matter of her and donating an egg in my
Speaker 1: sperm and having a sorry get carried the baby.
Speaker 3: Oh it's gonna look like both of them.
Speaker 1: I know, it's going to look like both of us,
Speaker 1: and it's going to be both our DNA. You know.
Speaker 1: It's like such a beautiful thing for us because we
Speaker 1: both wanted a child. But his sister is also a
Speaker 1: lesbian with the partner who Denny will be donating his
Speaker 1: sperm too. Like we're going to do it all when
Speaker 1: we get over there in November and create you know,
Speaker 1: the embryos, and then hopefully next year twenty twenty six,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be a dad.
Speaker 3: That's so wholesome, I know. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: It's such a big process though, and the expenses, like
Speaker 1: we're currently working through spreadsheet of all the costs it's
Speaker 1: going to cost, okay, and so it's a massive commitment.
Speaker 1: You know, it's around the minimum, you know, one hundred
Speaker 1: thousand dollars. So it's a big, big, big cost for
Speaker 1: us to even take on this, you know, big process.
Speaker 1: So yeah, we're working towards it. And yeah, twenty twenty
Speaker 1: six is the year that I'm going to be dad hopefully.
Speaker 1: Holy shit, I'm sorry coming with a screaming kid in
Speaker 1: the season of twenty twenty six, You're just gonna have
Speaker 1: to bear with me. I'm going to be such a
Speaker 1: helicopter pair and I'm going to be carrying this child
Speaker 1: around everywhere I go.
Speaker 3: I feel like you will, but I think you'll settle in.
Speaker 3: I think obviously the newborn stage.
Speaker 2: Is probably some of the hardest parts, like the sleep
Speaker 2: deprivation and you're trying to keep this little thing alive.
Speaker 2: But I think once you're over that like six month
Speaker 2: to a year hill, which I think my brother went through,
Speaker 2: it gets so much easier. And then they're just running
Speaker 2: around and you're chasing after them, and I cannot wait,
Speaker 2: honest with you, I'm picturing it now and it's actually
Speaker 2: getting me so emotional, like thinking that you're just like
Speaker 2: holding hands with this like little one year old like
Speaker 2: I was yesterday.
Speaker 1: I was pushing a pushing a pram around yarb and
Speaker 1: the Aboriginal Festival, and it was my friend Kelsey, you
Speaker 1: know Kelsey, Yeah, pushing her little jar geums around at Yarbin,
Speaker 1: And all I could feel was that, like that was
Speaker 1: my future. I was like, this is going to be me.
Speaker 1: I'm going to be a dad pushing these prams around,
Speaker 1: running after these kids, and it just brings me so
Speaker 1: much joy. And I haven't even met much child yet,
Speaker 1: but I get emotional thinking about the connection that I'm
Speaker 1: going to build with my children. And so I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm right at the start of that journey, but
Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to it. I keep on talking about it.
Speaker 1: But now we finally cement to a time where it's
Speaker 1: going to happen.
Speaker 2: Which, yeah, they think that's the first thing, right, and
Speaker 2: then you kind of do your processes and your structure
Speaker 2: of like finance, and then I guess getting prepped. I
Speaker 2: think that's the best thing. With you know, same sex couples,
Speaker 2: it's like it's so much consideration not to say that
Speaker 2: hetero's sexual relationships don't consider that. But it seems a
Speaker 2: bit more easier and sometimes a bit more spontaneous and
Speaker 2: a bit of a surprise for them. Like I know
Speaker 2: I was a one night stand. I mean I was
Speaker 2: a result of a one night stand.
Speaker 3: I'm not a stand girl.
Speaker 1: You're like, I am not a one night stand.
Speaker 3: No, but it's a result of it, and I.
Speaker 1: Was a surprise, beautiful result.
Speaker 3: Honestly, thank you.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's stunning.
Speaker 3: I feel I've contributed to society, which is a great thing.
Speaker 1: Oh you have. Yeah, absolutely, I.
Speaker 3: Pay my taxes.
Speaker 2: I pay my taxes, but there's a real process and
Speaker 2: consideration between same sex couples, and I think that's the
Speaker 2: best thing. You got so much time, not so much,
Speaker 2: but you've got enough time to really get yourself prepared,
Speaker 2: I think. But you never they always say you never
Speaker 2: will be prepared because it's one of those.
Speaker 3: Things, like you you don't know.
Speaker 2: What your child is going to be, like whether they're
Speaker 2: a crier or there's don't sleep, like you just don't
Speaker 2: know and you've got to figure it out.
Speaker 3: But I think.
Speaker 2: You will absolutely slay that.
Speaker 1: I think, Yeah, but you know, it was the perfect
Speaker 1: timing for me because I always said once I turned thirty,
Speaker 1: which is this year, I'm going to then, you know,
Speaker 1: really focus on that dream of mine and having a child.
Speaker 1: So it's really come at the perfect time for me.
Speaker 1: But you know, you just turned thirty and you're actually,
Speaker 1: you know, celebrating your birthday a little bit late this year.
Speaker 3: I am, Yeah, it's.
Speaker 1: An exciting time for you. You might not be thinking about kids,
Speaker 1: but you're thinking about hitting a dance floor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thirty seems a bit different to my vision that
Speaker 2: I had on my board maybe a couple of years ago.
Speaker 2: I was actually having a conversation with a friend of
Speaker 2: mine who we were just unpacking again. Timelines, I think
Speaker 2: timelines and seem to be a thing where, you know,
Speaker 2: we've spoken about this before, the pressure of women and
Speaker 2: their body clocks, et cetera.
Speaker 3: I don't feel like I'm under pressure.
Speaker 2: And if I do feel like that pressure, you know
Speaker 2: soon I'll go and get my eggs freeze, which I
Speaker 2: have considered and I've been trying to put a little
Speaker 2: bit more money aside because it's just quite expensive.
Speaker 1: She said, do you mind me asking like, how much
Speaker 1: is that process here?
Speaker 2: So I think it's like a few months process to
Speaker 2: get your eggs. But it can cost like eleven to
Speaker 2: fifteen thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: And then yeah, and then you have to pay rent
Speaker 2: every month yeah wow, So roughly I think four to five.
Speaker 3: Hundred dollars a year.
Speaker 2: I think maybe maybe not a month yep, yeah, so
Speaker 2: quite a bit.
Speaker 3: But I don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm just not in that space of being a parent
Speaker 2: at the moment. And if I felt like I would
Speaker 2: like to buy myself, I would just look at that
Speaker 2: and consider that absolutely.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't know. I just want to no pressure there,
Speaker 1: which is nice, you know, to feel that, because I
Speaker 1: feel like a few years back you were sort of
Speaker 1: putting yourself under a bit of pressure of society was
Speaker 1: putting you know, put women under pressure all the time
Speaker 1: when it comes to the biological clock. But it is
Speaker 1: a real thing, and I think that maybe your view
Speaker 1: has changed, you know, on Well.
Speaker 2: The heartbreaking thing is is that I had made it
Speaker 2: really clear in my mind and my body that I
Speaker 2: never let a guy at all like.
Speaker 3: Inside me ever unless I knew that.
Speaker 2: We were going to have a baby, okay, because I
Speaker 2: was like, that is just not something that I want
Speaker 2: that to sounds so fucked to be so special. And
Speaker 2: I did that with David, and we were actively trying
Speaker 2: for a baby, and then we broke up. And then
Speaker 2: a few days after we broke up and he left me,
Speaker 2: I found out I was pregnant, And that for me
Speaker 2: was just so terrifying because and also so conflicting because
Speaker 2: I'd always wanted to be pregnant. I never had any
Speaker 2: real big scares or anything before, obviously, and I get
Speaker 2: my period consistently. I was really on that trajectory of like,
Speaker 2: the only person that I'm ever going to let that
Speaker 2: happen or have close to that was that I would
Speaker 2: be actively trying and having a baby.
Speaker 3: Sorry, I'm giving way too much detail, but no.
Speaker 1: No, no, I'm listening. I feel like when I mentioned a
Speaker 1: couple years back, that's what I was sort of talking about.
Speaker 1: We had a conversation one night, but even before that,
Speaker 1: you were pretty certain on freezing your eggs and you know,
Speaker 1: even wanting to be pregnant to have a child. You know,
Speaker 1: like it was like a conversation that we had, but
Speaker 1: then you said maybe your mindset had shifted a bit.
Speaker 1: Do you think it was due to that experience?
Speaker 2: I really think it comes back to that twenty twenty
Speaker 2: one year that I'm just so cautious of who I'm
Speaker 2: going to be having a child with, and I feel
Speaker 2: so much more better having it by myself. And I
Speaker 2: think my family and friends really support this because they
Speaker 2: know that even with my dog, the love and care
Speaker 2: and consideration that I give that little fur child, and
Speaker 2: I just feel like I can rely on myself and
Speaker 2: I can't rely on anyone else, and that's really bad.
Speaker 2: I know that, you know, I need to work through that,
Speaker 2: and I think that's just my hyperindependence kicking in. But
Speaker 2: I just I trust that I could look after a
Speaker 2: baby and I could trust that I would give it
Speaker 2: the love and care and consideration it needs. But it's
Speaker 2: the other person that I worry about, and it's my
Speaker 2: trust issues, which kind of comes down to it, right
Speaker 2: So yeah, anyways, full circle, Like that's kind of the
Speaker 2: cycle I'm in, is that I really want to have
Speaker 2: a baby, but I just am not considering that in
Speaker 2: my future right now because right now I've got things
Speaker 2: that I need to do for me. And if I
Speaker 2: do feel like I want to or I feel pressure
Speaker 2: to have it in the next like five years, I
Speaker 2: know the process to do that in order for me
Speaker 2: to make that happen.
Speaker 3: So it's kind of a good thing, I think.
Speaker 1: I know there's a great inspiration rach Corbett for that process.
Speaker 3: Yes, exactly, She's such an inspiration for that.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And she said to me the other day, I
Speaker 1: had a quick convoy with her about parenting, you know,
Speaker 1: and I said to her, so, I've always thought that
Speaker 1: even if I don't have a partner, I do it
Speaker 1: on my own. It was always in the back of
Speaker 1: my mind, I would do it on my own, you know,
Speaker 1: through surrogacy. And she said to me, well, the one
Speaker 1: thing that I knew that I'd be good at in
Speaker 1: my life is being a mum, So it was always
Speaker 1: going to happen. You know. It's like she knew that
Speaker 1: that's what she wanted, no matter how, she was going
Speaker 1: to make that happen.
Speaker 3: I feel like that's the same thing too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so Yeah, it's such a beautiful, loving thing
Speaker 1: to see.
Speaker 2: I think the timing of it as well is like
Speaker 2: really vital, Like I would love to do that, and
Speaker 2: I think when the time came to consider that, I've
Speaker 2: just got a few things that I wanted to tick
Speaker 2: off first, and I think maybe people will see them
Speaker 2: as selfish. But I think for me, like I haven't traveled,
Speaker 2: I haven't gone and explored the world.
Speaker 3: I think I need to get.
Speaker 2: Bad out of the way and then I have a
Speaker 2: little bit more life experience and stuff that I can offer.
Speaker 3: I think as well, like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think, like you know, Rachel is such a
Speaker 2: great inspiration of how you can just do it, not
Speaker 2: how you just do it like it's a lot of
Speaker 2: work and a lot of effort. But I would love
Speaker 2: my family obviously to be a part of that. And
Speaker 2: I think it would be a matter of moving home
Speaker 2: and having that like first two years at home with
Speaker 2: my child, with my family, because exactly like it takes
Speaker 2: a village, and I think people really dismiss that. And yes,
Speaker 2: you can have a child on your own, and there's
Speaker 2: science that can make that happen, but the actual looking
Speaker 2: part of it, you need support and people around you.
Speaker 2: And I think for me, I would love to be
Speaker 2: close to my family and have you know, that two
Speaker 2: years experience to explore and have them around my child.
Speaker 2: And I honestly like, I don't know why, but I
Speaker 2: just keep getting a feminine energy. I honestly think if
Speaker 2: I even like found out I was pregnant, I would
Speaker 2: probably fly.
Speaker 3: Home and be home worst I was pregnant.
Speaker 2: So think it would be like the nine months that
Speaker 2: I'm pregnant plus the two years I feel like to
Speaker 2: establish that toddler at stage, and if I wanted to
Speaker 2: move whatever wherever I could then but I would have
Speaker 2: to move back.
Speaker 1: Home that But I've also had this conversation with Denny.
Speaker 1: I said, you know, to have the baby in Colombia,
Speaker 1: we would stay and create a very supportive environment with
Speaker 1: his family because he has a lot of siblings. Mom,
Speaker 1: you know, a great mum who would be able to
Speaker 1: help us for two men. I think it's super important
Speaker 1: that there are people who can show us the way.
Speaker 1: It's not like we have like mother instincts, you know,
Speaker 1: it's like those parental instincts and father instincts will kick in.
Speaker 1: But being able to have a supportive network. I even
Speaker 1: said to him that we could live in Columbia for
Speaker 1: up to six months after the baby's born to establish
Speaker 1: that strong connection with his Colombian culture as well like
Speaker 1: with his parents. And I feel like it'd been so
Speaker 1: important because we're so far away we live on the
Speaker 1: other side of the world. That for those initial months
Speaker 1: to be connected to family, especially for his mum and dad,
Speaker 1: who are the grandparents who won't get to see this,
Speaker 1: you know, their Grandchad.
Speaker 3: They're getting older. And yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1: So we would stay I think for up to six
Speaker 1: months and have that supportive network. So we spoke.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I think it's like maybe Columban's feel the
Speaker 2: same way, like maybe as First Nations people, when the
Speaker 2: early stages of a newborn, that baby kind of gets
Speaker 2: passed around community and gets held by all the aunties
Speaker 2: and uncles and cousins so that they have that bond
Speaker 2: in connection.
Speaker 3: And I think, like, I.
Speaker 2: Don't know if i've if I've just read this, or
Speaker 2: it's like I just remember that moment. I know me
Speaker 2: growing up, Like when my baby brother was born, he
Speaker 2: was getting like like breastfed by my auntie. He was
Speaker 2: pregnant at this, Like who was breastfeeding at the same time.
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, okay, we're a close.
Speaker 1: Family's so random.
Speaker 3: Anyways, that's just an overshare, sir.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's the basis of our culture, right, can
Speaker 1: shit care?
Speaker 3: Actually?
Speaker 2: Yeah, now that been in Melbourne for like four years.
Speaker 2: I've had to make a little community here in Melbourne.
Speaker 2: And I would say, honestly, Maddie, like your family to me,
Speaker 2: like if I was absolutely if I was gone to
Speaker 2: jail or I did something legal or I needed help
Speaker 2: or something, you'd be one of my top few.
Speaker 1: People, right call me, I will trust me. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I was just establishing because last year was really
Speaker 2: tough on friendships for me. I lost and there's a
Speaker 2: full stop at the end, there's no open door. I
Speaker 2: feel like it was a really.
Speaker 3: Hard year to come to terms with some of my friendships.
Speaker 2: Maybe my eyes were closed and I couldn't see what
Speaker 2: was happening, and the friendships that I had were just
Speaker 2: more based off superficialism.
Speaker 3: If that's a word. I've just made it up now.
Speaker 2: And these people used to say the same thing to me,
Speaker 2: like oh, are they really your friends or they just
Speaker 2: like want something from you? And I was like always
Speaker 2: pretty certain that my friends that I had were.
Speaker 3: Like my family and my community here.
Speaker 2: And then I went obviously did acting school and I
Speaker 2: didn't have a lot of time, and I made some
Speaker 2: really awesome new friends who I was making time for
Speaker 2: school and everything and caused a really bit of a dispute,
Speaker 2: I guess between my old friends not spending that time.
Speaker 2: So I expressed that I was struggling with the fact
Speaker 2: that I'm the one that always organizes and wants to
Speaker 2: do things, and that stopped off because I got busy
Speaker 2: and they didn't step up, and instead of being met
Speaker 2: with compassion or care, I was met on.
Speaker 3: The defense, like I.
Speaker 2: Was made to feel like I was really shit and
Speaker 2: that I'm a shit friend and that I am passive
Speaker 2: aggressive or like that kind of energy. So I sat
Speaker 2: with that and I reflected, and I actually and I
Speaker 2: wrote down, like you know, I went to therapy and
Speaker 2: I spoke to my therapist about it, and he said,
Speaker 2: why don't you write down what you do for the friendship,
Speaker 2: like what you feel Obviously it's only going to come
Speaker 2: from me, so there's only like one side. But he said,
Speaker 2: what you feel like you do for the friendship and
Speaker 2: what you feel like they do for the friendship, and
Speaker 2: the list that I did, like and I'm not saying like,
Speaker 2: oh I'm on a high horse. I'm just reflecting on
Speaker 2: all the things that I feel like I do for
Speaker 2: the relationship. And I really tried to put myself in
Speaker 2: their shoes and like try to think, Okay, what do
Speaker 2: they do for me? And that I would consider really
Speaker 2: thoughtful and really lovely and blah blah blah, and and
Speaker 2: the list was that it was such a disparity, like
Speaker 2: it was so crazy thinking about, holy fuck, no wonder,
Speaker 2: I'm feeling the weight of this, and because now I
Speaker 2: don't haven't spent time with them, I feel like I've
Speaker 2: lost them, and so I'm trying to get that back.
Speaker 2: And I just felt so The word that came up
Speaker 2: in my therapy session was a band, and it just
Speaker 2: really fucked with me for months. And I hadn't really
Speaker 2: thought that it would affect me. Like I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: that's fine, Okay, they don't want to be my friend.
Speaker 2: And I just thought, holy fuck, if I'm that disposable
Speaker 2: to you, you were never my friend, because I would
Speaker 2: fucking go to jail for you.
Speaker 3: Whatever.
Speaker 2: It was like, that's how I felt so fondly about
Speaker 2: these people that when I wasn't met with that same
Speaker 2: love or compassion that I would think that it would happen.
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, this is a reality check, Like
Speaker 2: this is like these people are not your friends.
Speaker 1: It's also about closure, like like you need to either
Speaker 1: be willing both sides this, you know, both parties to
Speaker 1: come together work it out and move forward, or come
Speaker 1: together decide not to move forward and let everything go.
Speaker 1: It's like there needs to be some sort of closure
Speaker 1: otherwise you're sitting there in limbo going, I wonder what
Speaker 1: we are, like, I wonder if they still like me.
Speaker 1: I wonder if.
Speaker 2: This is what happened, is that I we will back
Speaker 2: and forth and I've kind of kept this group together
Speaker 2: because that's how I've grouped them in my mind and
Speaker 2: like in my life is that they're my little community,
Speaker 2: like they're all together. I want to see them all together.
Speaker 2: I want to hang out with them individually. But I
Speaker 2: felt like I was and then the glue came unstuck
Speaker 2: when I got busy and I wasn't putting them the
Speaker 2: time and effort into the friendship, but I actually was
Speaker 2: because I was constantly messaging trying to hang out. And
Speaker 2: so there was this one last message where you know,
Speaker 2: everything was a little bit correcked at this point, and
Speaker 2: I just sent out a group message and I said, look,
Speaker 2: I'm really disappointed at the effort that we've all made
Speaker 2: for each other, but I was hoping that maybe we
Speaker 2: could get to like have dinner together, and I just
Speaker 2: put it in a group message on WhatsApp. One of
Speaker 2: them was like, yep, like let's organize a time. The
Speaker 2: second one was like, yep, I'm keen, like let's figure
Speaker 2: out when we're not busy, blah blah blah. Then the
Speaker 2: third one comes in red hot. I couldn't even tell
Speaker 2: you what this message is because it was actually so
Speaker 2: fucked and I just felt like I was on the attack,
Speaker 2: like I was getting the attacked, and I was the
Speaker 2: one that first sent this message. So I was trying
Speaker 2: to maybe put an olive branch out for all of
Speaker 2: us to be you know, literally like waving a little
Speaker 2: fucking white.
Speaker 1: From dialogue, to be like, hey, what's going on? One
Speaker 1: chat about try and resolve it, Not like, hey, guys,
Speaker 1: you were all shit. I think that we should talk.
Speaker 1: It's like you're actually being open to hearing.
Speaker 3: I had to.
Speaker 1: Say as well.
Speaker 2: Anyway, So moving on, some things were definitely said in
Speaker 2: this conversation which made me realize a lot of things. One,
Speaker 2: just because your friends for a long time doesn't make
Speaker 2: them good friends.
Speaker 1: Yep, I definitely feel like I'm in a moment in
Speaker 1: my life where it's like I'm creating lists of people
Speaker 1: who I interact with, putting them in categories, and one
Speaker 1: of those categories is the safest, Like.
Speaker 3: Is this please tell me about the person to be now?
Speaker 1: So for me, I only, you know, came up with
Speaker 1: this the other day, but it was like moving forward.
Speaker 1: There are certain areas of my life that I'm really
Speaker 1: trying to focus on and be proud of the work
Speaker 1: that I'm doing in these areas, and some people just
Speaker 1: don't respect that when it comes to relationships. They don't
Speaker 1: understand why that's important to me, and they try and
Speaker 1: influence me in a way, not consciously trying to pull
Speaker 1: me towards, you know, the things that I'm sort of
Speaker 1: trying to move away from. But there are parts of
Speaker 1: my life that I need to be really careful with,
Speaker 1: and these are like personal things that I've dealt with
Speaker 1: over the years, and I feel like there are certain
Speaker 1: people in my life that I feel really safe around
Speaker 1: and that won't sort of lead me down the wrong
Speaker 1: path or influence me in that way. And I know
Speaker 1: it comes back to my own self and my own
Speaker 1: responsibility for my own actions, but when it comes to
Speaker 1: environment or ships, you have to be really careful about
Speaker 1: where you're putting yourself because there's I'm easily led, unfortunately, and.
Speaker 3: So I don't think you're easily led.
Speaker 2: I think it's like with the people that you do
Speaker 2: have and that you say do trust, they're just they're
Speaker 2: crossing a boundary and maybe you're just not aware that
Speaker 2: it's more of a selfish thing for them because you're
Speaker 2: I mean.
Speaker 1: I think also that we don't have the same goals.
Speaker 1: They don't have the same goals as me. So it's
Speaker 1: like for me, I have a very small list of
Speaker 1: people who I feel really the word safe around and list.
Speaker 1: You're on my safe list. My friend Kelsey's on my
Speaker 1: safe list. My frend Janet is on my safe list,
Speaker 1: Emily's on my safe There are women or women say
Speaker 1: and isn't very telly, it is bloody. And then I
Speaker 1: have people who are like on them in the middle
Speaker 1: of the safe and not safe list, who are people.
Speaker 2: Who they like amber, So there's like green amber, and
Speaker 2: then maybe and.
Speaker 1: If I'm feeling strong in myself and how I'm tracking,
Speaker 1: I might interact with them, you know, because they're not unsafe.
Speaker 1: They're in the middle. But the unsafe people. There's a
Speaker 1: whole list of unsafe people who I've interacted with over
Speaker 1: the years who I'm just like and who became quite
Speaker 1: close friends in terms of the industry but also the
Speaker 1: party scene. And I'm just like, ain't nobody got time
Speaker 1: for you anymore? And it's not because I don't love you,
Speaker 1: it's not because I don't like appreciate you. It's just
Speaker 1: that our interaction is surrounded around certain things that I
Speaker 1: just don't want to be a part of anymore. So
Speaker 1: I'm just letting them people go and out reaching out
Speaker 1: to them, and when they reach out to me, just
Speaker 1: not That.
Speaker 2: Just reminded me when you said let them go. There's
Speaker 2: this lady who's American. She started she wrote a book
Speaker 2: and it's like let them So it's like this let
Speaker 2: them theory, but she just says, like you don't need
Speaker 2: to have any type of input into whatever they're doing,
Speaker 2: like just totally let them do their thing.
Speaker 3: If they hurt you, let them whatever. Mel Robins, that's.
Speaker 1: It similar idea. But my therapist said to me, stop
Speaker 1: manipulating the world. Yeah, controlling people. Stopped getting them to
Speaker 1: do certain things that you maybe want them to do,
Speaker 1: or stop trying to inspire them in a way to
Speaker 1: do something. It's like, let them do what they're going
Speaker 1: to do and allow them to show you their true colors.
Speaker 1: One hundred personally thorough decision based on the reality, not
Speaker 1: your perception or what you've manipulated them. And manipulated is
Speaker 1: the strong word, but it means like what you've maybe.
Speaker 3: Well you're trying to persuade.
Speaker 2: The persuasion maybe is the right word. But the thing
Speaker 2: is my therapist also says, manipulative or manipulation isn't always
Speaker 2: a negative thing, Like we manipulate situations in our daily
Speaker 2: life all the time, like you know, but we it's
Speaker 2: not always a negative thing. But in that scenario I
Speaker 2: get exactly because I've had the same conversation with my therapist,
Speaker 2: is that it's a control. It's trying to control your
Speaker 2: environment environment, and that comes down to a safety thing.
Speaker 2: It's a survival slash safety thing. Because you're trying to
Speaker 2: read the room or trying to I guess.
Speaker 3: Like get ahead whatever it is.
Speaker 2: Your intentions are usually like I can tell, your intentions
Speaker 2: are always for good, like you.
Speaker 3: Want to do good for yourself. You never manipulative in
Speaker 3: a negative way.
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, we've all been done some shitty
Speaker 2: things in our life. Also, when we're talking about safe list,
Speaker 2: I made the abitinal flag.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 2: I was like, the yellow is like my safe list,
Speaker 2: the black is like, oh these black mot these my mob,
Speaker 2: you know, because I'm proud Black First Nations women.
Speaker 3: And then the red is like, get the fuck out.
Speaker 1: Of the door, Get the fuck out. I love that. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: you know what, wrapping up this episode, that is the
Speaker 1: sentiment that we're going with. We're going to say, let them,
Speaker 1: let them open the door. Whoever wants to leave can leave.
Speaker 3: That's very fitty.
Speaker 1: Let's wrap it up right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's this.
Speaker 2: Has been a great episode. I'm excited for Maddie.
Speaker 3: Daddy. I can't wait to get you a shirt that
Speaker 3: says I'm a cool dad.
Speaker 1: No, can I just say Zaddy Zaddy Zaddy. They called
Speaker 1: the hot.
Speaker 3: Dads, Oh Zaddy Zaddy.
Speaker 1: Well, I want to be called Saddy.
Speaker 3: I think you're I'm not a.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not a regular dad. Cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I just can't wait to get you that shirt because
Speaker 2: I think it would be so cute. I also think
Speaker 2: the I have one of these when I was a
Speaker 2: baby and it was like, oh you think I'm cute?
Speaker 3: You see my dad?
Speaker 1: It went from Maddy Fatty to Maddie Daddy.
Speaker 3: Anyways, that wraps up this episode.
Speaker 2: If you love us, leave us a little rating and review. Guys,
Speaker 2: we love to hear, and if you have anything that
Speaker 2: you want to speak about or a topic that you
Speaker 2: think we should talk about, let us know.
Speaker 3: In else on us Socials.
Speaker 1: And Brooks Handle is at brook Dot, Blurton, Mine is
Speaker 1: at It's Maddie Mills and you can catch the Nova
Speaker 1: Podcast action over at Nova Podcast Official.
Speaker 2: Also, something really exciting happening this Saturday.
Speaker 3: Maddie, what is it?
Speaker 1: Oh, we are going to the Actor Festival on the
Speaker 1: Gold Coast to do our second live show. I can't wait.
Speaker 1: It's all about Black Joy. So if you are on
Speaker 1: the GC, make sure you come and check us out.
Speaker 1: We're going to put some show notes in this episode
Speaker 1: for tickets. It's free, so come along.
Speaker 3: Come along.
Speaker 2: I also heard that Russell Crowe is hosting the actors,
Speaker 2: so if you want to come see Crowy, why not
Speaker 2: get Tolly for Kroh.
Speaker 1: We love that that laughter sounds like Black Joy.
Speaker 3: That is black joke. We love it.
Speaker 2: Bye bye