Speaker 1: Well, Hello, they're Healthy sh listeners. I hope you're having
Speaker 1: a great day. This, of course, is the daily podcast
Speaker 1: from Body and Soul. I am your host, Felicity Harley.
Speaker 1: TikTok sensation hit podcaster and life coach Margarita Nazarenko joins
Speaker 1: me today now. She has amassed a massive no a
Speaker 1: mega following on social media from sharing her thoughts on
Speaker 1: dating now. Some might say they're controversial, others think they're empowering.
Speaker 1: She's discussing her new book today called The New Rules,
Speaker 1: and particularly why it's okay to want and need a man.
Speaker 1: If you do like what you hear from Margarita listening
Speaker 1: to Extra Healthy Issue, where she talks more about how
Speaker 1: to harness your female energy. You can catch that where
Speaker 1: we get your podcasts. Margarita, thank you for joining us
Speaker 1: today on Healthy She Congratulations on your new book.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. You're so lovely to have me.
Speaker 1: Now, tell me why do we need some new rules
Speaker 1: when it comes to dating?
Speaker 3: You know, I wasn't even aware that we needed these
Speaker 3: new rules until I saw the kerfuffle in which women
Speaker 3: are in when I started my TikTok. They are flustered
Speaker 3: and I understand why. I think there is something to
Speaker 3: be said about having rules around anything in life, whether
Speaker 3: it be working out, whether it be dating, whether it
Speaker 3: be friendship, because if you don't have any paradigm to
Speaker 3: work inside, you.
Speaker 2: Don't know what's right and wrong.
Speaker 3: I had messages from women where men treated them just appallingly,
Speaker 3: and they're asking me, oh, do you think he's the one?
Speaker 3: Do you think I should be with him? And reading it,
Speaker 3: it's shocking because there are no rules around dating. Everyone
Speaker 3: just does what they want, do what you like, be
Speaker 3: with who you want to be with. Great, but he's
Speaker 3: treating you like crap, so maybe he's not the one.
Speaker 3: So we do need some rules for women to not
Speaker 3: get themselves in these situations.
Speaker 1: I think that's interesting because you know, you started your
Speaker 1: TikTok and it just explodeded, didn't it, with all people
Speaker 1: coming out agreeing with you, disagreeing with you, asking you questions.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is the whole basis of your book
Speaker 1: to provide answers to all these questions.
Speaker 3: It was this explosion of women having these questions, and
Speaker 3: I think it's because we've been given so many freedoms
Speaker 3: just as human beings, as we should say what you want,
Speaker 3: say how you feel, do what you want. But we
Speaker 3: don't have enough wisdom, perhaps maybe from our grandmothers or
Speaker 3: our mothers or I don't know where the wisdom is gone,
Speaker 3: but there are no sets of rules and guidelines, and
Speaker 3: I think women are desperate for it, as are men.
Speaker 3: That's why they sometimes lean on toxic role models, maybe
Speaker 3: like the you know, the Andrew Tates not commenting on
Speaker 3: whether he is or isn't, that's up to them, but
Speaker 3: we wonder, oh, why are men leaning on him? Well,
Speaker 3: maybe because we don't have any other role models right,
Speaker 3: And all I'm.
Speaker 2: Saying is, well, maybe they shouldn't treat you this way.
Speaker 2: Maybe this is what you should do, or maybe this
Speaker 2: is what you shouldn't do.
Speaker 3: And women jumped on it way more than I ever anticipated.
Speaker 2: Because these are just my private thoughts and ideas. I thought,
Speaker 2: I'm going to go on there privately.
Speaker 3: And put my thoughts on TikTok because nobody knows me
Speaker 3: on low and behold, it's almost at a million followers
Speaker 3: of not even followers of women who think the same way.
Speaker 2: And I was like, wow, it resonates, so that was amazing.
Speaker 1: It's actually extraordinary when you flick through you on TikTok
Speaker 1: or Instagram and say how many views each of your
Speaker 1: videos have got? And the actual subject matter. I found
Speaker 1: that really quite fascinating, like what are people what do
Speaker 1: they really want to know? Where are we where do
Speaker 1: we need more guidance when it comes to relationships.
Speaker 3: The fascinating thing was is just they want it in
Speaker 3: these areas where women aren't feeling like men are putting
Speaker 3: an effort, men aren't chasing them, Men aren't, you know,
Speaker 3: deciding on dates, men aren't deciding they want to get married.
Speaker 3: It's almost like women are the complete drivers of the relationships.
Speaker 3: And as much as that is what we wanted, we
Speaker 3: also now realize that's not exactly what we want and
Speaker 3: we kind of want to backtrack a little bit because
Speaker 3: it's not fun to not be pursued and wanted and
Speaker 3: you don't know if he even wants to be in
Speaker 3: the relationship.
Speaker 2: Basically because you're making all the decisions new rules of dating.
Speaker 1: Are they more for everyone, are they for a person
Speaker 1: and perhaps their own sort of boundaries or how do
Speaker 1: you say to you just trying to well, just set
Speaker 1: some parameters around.
Speaker 3: The first part of the book, the beginning of the rules.
Speaker 3: The first five is rules about being yourself. That's detachment,
Speaker 3: that self confidence, that's the ideas of.
Speaker 2: Who you are and who you want to be.
Speaker 3: And the next part is being her with him, and
Speaker 3: that is some rules like it's okay to want a man,
Speaker 3: because yes, we've done the whole you know, yes, go girl,
Speaker 3: you don't need a man, but everyone secretly wants one
Speaker 3: and everyone wants to fall in love, like every fairy
Speaker 3: tale is about that, right, So it gets to your humanity,
Speaker 3: the fact that you want a family, you want to
Speaker 3: be with someone. So it's not we've had this kind
Speaker 3: of metric of you know, it's okay to be independent
Speaker 3: and you don't need a man, but then we don't
Speaker 3: want to be lonely, right because we're human beings.
Speaker 2: So actually that's not what we wanted.
Speaker 3: So it's about going back on that and also about
Speaker 3: how he shouldn't treat you, and that it's okay to
Speaker 3: say you want marriage, and then it's a to say
Speaker 3: that you're not gonna you know, it's fun to be liberal,
Speaker 3: but so it's also okay to say that you want
Speaker 3: to get married.
Speaker 2: At the end of the day, it's not disgusting to
Speaker 2: want to have a family.
Speaker 1: You know, I thought that, actually that that was your
Speaker 1: real seven. It's okay to want and need a man.
Speaker 1: It was really interesting because that could jar with a
Speaker 1: lot of women who are feminists and I want to
Speaker 1: pave my own way and I don't need a man
Speaker 1: to survive in this world. I actually quite liked that.
Speaker 1: You you know that you're right, like, deep down, a
Speaker 1: lot of us actually do want someone to go through
Speaker 1: life with. I mean, that's how the human species has evolved.
Speaker 3: We are a species, and we're a mammal and we're
Speaker 3: and I love love. I love to be around my mum,
Speaker 3: she's my parent. I love to be around my husband,
Speaker 3: he's my you know. I love to be around my children.
Speaker 3: The fact that we're pretending that we don't want that
Speaker 3: is trying to break something that is natural.
Speaker 2: So why don't we say, actually, I do.
Speaker 3: Want to be with someone, and I do want a family,
Speaker 3: but maybe not with that toxic person, and maybe not
Speaker 3: right now, and maybe I do also want a career,
Speaker 3: and how am I going to do it? And let's
Speaker 3: get into them under it and really try and get
Speaker 3: through it, because it's not as simple as I can
Speaker 3: do it all myself.
Speaker 2: Because actually I don't want to. I don't want to
Speaker 2: do it all myself.
Speaker 3: I don't want to lift the heavy thing myself, as
Speaker 3: like as small as that, and I don't want a
Speaker 3: parent by myself.
Speaker 2: I want someone to do it with. So sue me.
Speaker 3: You know it's pretty. And you know what's fascinating about
Speaker 3: what you said? Do you know who's angry at me?
Speaker 3: Not women and not feminists, because feminists come to me
Speaker 3: and say, actually, yeah, I kind of do want a
Speaker 3: man will be nice.
Speaker 2: Who's angry? It's men? It's men. Why men? What do
Speaker 2: they think of anger? To their voice?
Speaker 3: I think they're angry because essentially what I see in
Speaker 3: men is that they do want to make women happy.
Speaker 3: At their core, they want to be liked by women.
Speaker 3: They do or that's what men want, right, And so
Speaker 3: we've told them, actually, go away, we don't need you,
Speaker 3: and then are like, okay, yeah, you don't need us.
Speaker 3: Well we'll let you go and we'll let you do
Speaker 3: what you want and you don't need us. And now
Speaker 3: I'm coming back and saying, actually, I need you to
Speaker 3: step up and be more masculine and you know, make
Speaker 3: decisions and decide what you want to do. And they're
Speaker 3: angry about that. They're like, oh, this is not what
Speaker 3: I've been told. It's confusing to be a man. And
Speaker 3: I get it.
Speaker 2: But sorry, sorry buddy.
Speaker 1: Like that, I mean, I agree with you. I think
Speaker 1: it's very confusing for you know, what is masculinely today?
Speaker 2: What does it look like? What does it mean?
Speaker 1: I mean for them, they see the goalpost changing, and
Speaker 1: I'm not siding with them. I'm just empathizing that. I
Speaker 1: do get it's a human experience. I've got a son.
Speaker 1: What am I going to tell him. I'm going to
Speaker 1: tell him, you know, be decisive, pay for the date,
Speaker 1: do all those things. And if she says, yuck, you're
Speaker 1: trying to, you know, put me down as a human being,
Speaker 1: say I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: I was just trying to be polite for me as
Speaker 3: a person me. If I invite you somewhere we're both female,
Speaker 3: I will offer to pay because I invited you. It's
Speaker 3: not about you know, I'm trying to you know, dehumanize you.
Speaker 3: It's just about politeness. So that's about rules as well,
Speaker 3: you know, just about I took it.
Speaker 1: I just want to quickly mention real eight I thought
Speaker 1: this was an interesting one new other prize. What's this
Speaker 1: all about?
Speaker 3: Modern dating has led me to understand because you know,
Speaker 3: I'm married and I have been for ten years, but
Speaker 3: I have seen that in modern dating, men are leading
Speaker 3: women down the path of trying to make them believe
Speaker 3: that women aren't the prize, and biologically we are.
Speaker 2: Just biologically we are.
Speaker 3: So when a man is like, why isn't she paying
Speaker 3: fifty percent of the day, why is I am? Also
Speaker 3: I deserve flowers? Okay, buddy, But that's not how it works,
Speaker 3: because at the end of the day, you pursue her
Speaker 3: because that makes you feel like you've achieved something, and
Speaker 3: she feels like she's achieved something because she's being pursued.
Speaker 3: That's just how the dynamic works, and that's what makes
Speaker 3: people happy. Unless you're maybe five percent of the people
Speaker 3: that don't want to operate that way. There is a
Speaker 3: percentage who don't, but the majority do. So when you're
Speaker 3: sitting online and men are making you believe that they
Speaker 3: want this and that, and then they never marry you,
Speaker 3: but they marry the next girl who they do have
Speaker 3: to pursue, and you're wondering.
Speaker 2: Why, why did that happen?
Speaker 3: Well, because you brought into this idea that they've sold
Speaker 3: you that you're not the prize, but you are. So
Speaker 3: if you act like it, everything will go swimmingly for you.
Speaker 3: And if you don't, men will use you and then
Speaker 3: they'll reject you in the end, and they'll our habit
Speaker 3: with you for ten fifteen years, and then you'll be
Speaker 3: surprised at why has he married Jennifer.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so true, Margarita, because Jennifer knew she is the prize. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2: Thank you for coming on health Fish.
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this chat with Margarita if you did,
Speaker 1: jump on rate and review it.
Speaker 2: Of course, her new book.
Speaker 1: Is out now. It is called The New Rules. Or
Speaker 1: you can share this podcast with someone who needs some
Speaker 1: advice when it comes to dating and building confidence. Anything
Speaker 1: else head body and sooul dot com dot you follow
Speaker 1: us on socials grob Our print edition which is out
Speaker 1: in your local Sunday paper and until tomorrow, stay healthy
Speaker 1: Ish