WEBVTT - #2107 What's My Why? (Unpacked) - Harps 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.800 Allow champions. I hope this finds you well. Craig Anthony 0:00:02.880 --> 0:00:05.720 Harper reporting and for duty the other day, whose duty, 0:00:05.840 --> 0:00:08.440 I don't know, duty harps duty with a D and 0:00:08.480 --> 0:00:12.039 a T, not a J and a D. The other 0:00:12.119 --> 0:00:15.360 day I recorded a bit of a coaching session I 0:00:15.440 --> 0:00:18.800 didn't know how to go. In fact, here's the truth, 0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:20.520 I never know how they'll go because I don't know 0:00:20.680 --> 0:00:22.200 what my energy is going to be, you know, not 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:24.680 energy as in physical energy, but you know when you 0:00:24.800 --> 0:00:26.800 bring something and you're like you're in the zone, and 0:00:27.080 --> 0:00:29.159 sometimes you're in the zone and sometimes you're not, and 0:00:29.240 --> 0:00:33.120 sometimes you hit it out of the park metaphorically, sometimes 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:36.000 you don't. Anyway, the other one, the other day's little 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:39.640 seshoire seemed to resonate with quite a few people, which 0:00:39.680 --> 0:00:43.080 is really nice. Thank you for your feedback. I had 0:00:43.159 --> 0:00:48.640 literally about ten questions that I wanted to open the 0:00:48.640 --> 0:00:52.480 door on, and of course I got through too because 0:00:52.479 --> 0:00:54.800 I'm a chatty Kathy anyway, So I don't know we 0:00:54.840 --> 0:00:57.360 could get through one today, we could get through half, 0:00:58.240 --> 0:01:03.360 but I have eight potential questions left that these are 0:01:03.360 --> 0:01:06.400 not Look, if you've been listening to me for a while, 0:01:08.400 --> 0:01:11.280 some of these will be familiar, bit familiar, very familiar, 0:01:11.480 --> 0:01:16.120 or maybe not familiar. If you're newish, these might be revelatory. 0:01:16.440 --> 0:01:18.679 That is, they might be a revelation. They might be new, 0:01:18.720 --> 0:01:22.399 They might be a brand new kind of thing to 0:01:22.600 --> 0:01:27.319 consider for you. But these are questions that I have 0:01:27.440 --> 0:01:31.760 asked people formally and informally, mostly formally. It's not like 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:35.920 I wander around bumming into people on the street asking them, 0:01:36.319 --> 0:01:39.240 you know, whether or not they believe they're truly objective 0:01:39.280 --> 0:01:42.040 about things or is it just a perspective, a subjective 0:01:42.080 --> 0:01:45.000 window you're looking through. Brian, I don't do that. But 0:01:45.319 --> 0:01:51.240 these are questions that I think in the process of 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:54.440 building our best life and our best version of us 0:01:54.520 --> 0:01:56.640 in the middle of that best life, whatever that means. 0:01:56.680 --> 0:01:59.200 Also even think about that. I know I'm digressing, but 0:01:59.280 --> 0:02:02.480 fuck it, think about best we are. Who wants to 0:02:02.480 --> 0:02:05.040 live your best life? Everyone puts up their hand. I'm like, oh, 0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:08.480 what's that? And no one knows or no one has 0:02:09.800 --> 0:02:14.560 the exact same definition, because best life means something different 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:16.480 to different people. And when I say to a group, 0:02:16.480 --> 0:02:19.120 who wants to succeed? Nobody says I don't want to. 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:22.600 We might talk about that later. Despite the fact that 0:02:22.639 --> 0:02:25.680 everyone will typically put up their hand in an audience 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:29.320 to say yes, I want to be successful, put them 0:02:29.320 --> 0:02:31.240 on the spot and say cool, just tell me what 0:02:31.360 --> 0:02:36.320 that is for you, many people will stumble or bumble 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:39.919 their way through either no answer or a very inadequate answer, 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:42.200 which is really not the truth. It's just something they 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:44.280 feel they've got to come up with in the moment. 0:02:44.320 --> 0:02:46.680 This is not good or bad. This is human. So 0:02:46.760 --> 0:02:50.520 I think it's interesting to think about what it is 0:02:50.600 --> 0:02:54.680 you want to do, be create and why. And so 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:59.200 that's where we're starting today. We're starting with the white question, 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:01.920 but maybe should just finish where I was because I 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:04.960 distracted myself. So I think it's important for us to 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:12.680 ask questions, conscious, critical thinking questions along the way, because 0:03:12.760 --> 0:03:15.360 if we don't, if we don't have that presence of 0:03:15.480 --> 0:03:19.000 mind and that in the moment awareness of why am 0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:22.480 I doing this? What am I doing? What am I 0:03:22.560 --> 0:03:28.440 doing it for? What's my motivation, what's my hesitation, what's 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:35.160 required of me practically, physically, mentally, emotionally, time perhaps financially, 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:38.400 what is required of me to do this thing? And 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:42.560 is it something that I really want to do? And 0:03:42.600 --> 0:03:45.760 will it change the direction of my life. Will it 0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:49.160 make me better or my body better, or my relationships better, 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:52.320 or my career better, or my mental health better, or 0:03:52.360 --> 0:03:56.520 my lifestyle better, or my fill in the blank better. 0:03:57.480 --> 0:04:02.760 So I think, while we are actually emotional and social creatures, 0:04:03.960 --> 0:04:06.480 which is definitely not a bad thing, it's the human 0:04:06.520 --> 0:04:11.600 thing in the middle of all the humanity and social 0:04:11.720 --> 0:04:14.760 stuff and emotional stuff, and I'm not sure what the 0:04:14.800 --> 0:04:17.360 fuck I'm doing stuff, and how did I get here 0:04:17.920 --> 0:04:20.960 with the fuck stuff all that all that, you know, 0:04:21.000 --> 0:04:23.320 how did I end up like this stuff, or how 0:04:23.320 --> 0:04:25.120 did I end up here? Or how come this is 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:28.400 gone so great? Like in good and bad situations, it's 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:34.240 important that we try to understand what we're doing consciously, 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:39.800 what we're doing unconsciously, what we're doing proactively, what we're 0:04:39.839 --> 0:04:43.760 doing reactively, what we're doing in a way that is 0:04:43.880 --> 0:04:48.640 essentially a form of self empowerment, what we're doing in 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:52.080 a way that is essentially a form of self sabotage 0:04:52.160 --> 0:04:55.680 or self loathing, And to in the middle of all 0:04:55.720 --> 0:05:01.719 of this very subjective human experience of you living in 0:05:01.760 --> 0:05:04.359 the middle of your experiences and living in the middle 0:05:04.360 --> 0:05:07.279 of your emotions and your feelings and your doubt and 0:05:07.320 --> 0:05:10.200 your self doubt and your power you know, and your 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:13.680 skill and your love and your kindness, and the totality 0:05:13.720 --> 0:05:17.200 in the middle of living right in there, up in 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:19.320 the guts. To that is to try to figure out 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:23.599 why am I the way I am, not in a 0:05:23.640 --> 0:05:26.599 critical way, in an awareness way. What do I do 0:05:26.640 --> 0:05:28.320 the stuff I do? What do I think the way 0:05:28.360 --> 0:05:31.080 I do? What's my why? And so on and so on. 0:05:31.120 --> 0:05:37.600 So let's start with what's my why. I've done things 0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:41.479 that I just jumped into that I didn't really think 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:44.279 about the why. It just seemed like a good idea 0:05:44.360 --> 0:05:46.320 in the moment, Like I kind of thought about it, 0:05:46.360 --> 0:05:50.520 but I didn't deeply think about it. I've jumped into 0:05:50.600 --> 0:05:54.280 things where my story to me was, oh, this will 0:05:54.360 --> 0:05:56.839 help me, or this will help someone else. I'm generous, 0:05:56.839 --> 0:06:01.600 I'm amazing, look at what I'm doing. But the truth 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:05.680 is I was looking for approval. The truth is I 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:09.400 was trying to win. The truth is it was coming 0:06:09.440 --> 0:06:11.680 out of ego. The truth is it was coming out 0:06:11.680 --> 0:06:15.520 of insecurity. Or the truth is it's like I didn't 0:06:15.560 --> 0:06:18.479 feel like enough. But if I could do this thing, 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:21.520 achieve this thing, change this thing, help this person, then 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:25.160 I would be enough, and that act, that process would 0:06:25.200 --> 0:06:33.360 overcome my not enoughness and so and of course when I, 0:06:33.880 --> 0:06:39.600 for example, when I was an unhealthy obese child, I 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:43.480 really wanted to lose weight. Not because I was particularly 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:47.880 concerned with my health or my function or how well 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:53.119 I operated or my clinical state, but because I wanted 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:55.400 to be liked. I didn't want to be socially invisible. 0:06:55.480 --> 0:07:00.719 I didn't want to be disconnected from my peers. And 0:07:01.520 --> 0:07:05.720 so that was my reason. And that's an okay reason, 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:10.640 but it doesn't necessarily that why doesn't necessarily end up 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:15.600 Even if I do it for those reasons, I don't 0:07:15.600 --> 0:07:17.760 necessarily end up where I think I would want to be, 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:20.320 and I didn't in a lot of ways. So I 0:07:20.360 --> 0:07:23.480 lost weight, I got fit, I got strong, some of 0:07:23.520 --> 0:07:27.320 the things moved on the old needle like, I got 0:07:27.360 --> 0:07:30.200 more friends, I got more recognition, and all of those things. 0:07:30.280 --> 0:07:34.800 In that way, it worked. But then what I really wanted, 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:37.520 I guess, was to be enough. What I really wanted 0:07:37.640 --> 0:07:40.160 was self esteem or what I needed. What I really 0:07:40.200 --> 0:07:43.640 needed was to think highly enough of me, not in 0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:46.720 an egotistical way, but a self worth, a self knowledge way. 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:50.800 And sometimes we just stumble up into the right place 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:53.280 and get the right outcome, and it's fucking amazing. And 0:07:53.320 --> 0:07:56.720 sometimes we don't. But I think whatever we do, whatever 0:07:57.160 --> 0:08:00.680 action we take, whatever direction we move in, whatever decision 0:08:00.800 --> 0:08:03.840 we make, especially I'm not talking about whether I get 0:08:03.840 --> 0:08:05.720 the milk from there or there, but I'm talking about 0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:10.760 stuff that is potentially transformative. I'm talking about big questions 0:08:10.760 --> 0:08:14.920 and big actions. I'm talking about big time commitment. I'm 0:08:14.960 --> 0:08:18.040 talking about big energy. I'm talking about the things that 0:08:18.120 --> 0:08:22.640 you might undertake. So many people that I have spoken 0:08:22.680 --> 0:08:25.520 to have undertaken a degree. This is very specific, but 0:08:25.560 --> 0:08:28.120 a degree, an undergrad or a master's degree, or even 0:08:28.160 --> 0:08:32.160 a doctorate in something because not because they loved it, 0:08:32.240 --> 0:08:35.040 not because they wanted to, not because they were passionate, 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:38.840 but there why was. Let's not piss off mum and dad. 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:43.720 Let's not disappoint the family. Let's live up to the 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:45.959 families expect. Do I want to be a doctor? No, 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:48.000 but everyone wants me to, and my dad was, and 0:08:48.120 --> 0:08:51.200 my granddad was, and my elder brother is. So I 0:08:51.240 --> 0:08:53.080 should be a doctor. And in the middle of the 0:08:53.240 --> 0:08:56.360 I should be a doctor. There's no passion, there's no 0:08:56.480 --> 0:09:03.000 real desire to be a doctor for for living one's purpose. 0:09:03.800 --> 0:09:08.280 With some people it's because they feel obligated. Now, becoming 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:10.719 a doctor is amazing, unless you don't want to be 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:13.480 a doctor. If you don't want to be a doctor, 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:15.840 and you spend eight, ten, whatever years, it is becoming 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:20.640 a doctor, becoming and eventually getting there. I would not 0:09:20.760 --> 0:09:23.720 suggest that's great because you are now living in alignment, 0:09:23.760 --> 0:09:26.280 because out of alignment. Because the things that you are 0:09:26.320 --> 0:09:30.680 passionate with and passionate about, and the things that make 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:33.000 your heart sing, and the things that give you joy, 0:09:33.040 --> 0:09:36.640 and the things that you're fascinated with and excited about, 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:38.560 and the things that you would like to grow and 0:09:38.679 --> 0:09:41.280 learn in, you're not doing that. You're doing what the 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:44.720 other person wants you to do. So you're happy to 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:49.240 disappoint yourself, But for God's sake, don't disappoint anybody else 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:52.560 about what you individually do with your life. We're not 0:09:52.600 --> 0:09:56.920 even talking about their life. We're talking about your life. 0:09:57.120 --> 0:09:59.959 And this is not about being selfish or self centered. 0:10:00.280 --> 0:10:04.120 This is about you going I'm enough, I'm good enough. 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:08.960 I deserve to do the job that I want. I 0:10:09.000 --> 0:10:13.720 don't deserve to be a selfless, selfish prick but you 0:10:13.880 --> 0:10:18.040 choosing the career that you're passionate about is not that 0:10:18.040 --> 0:10:20.079 that is you being real, That is you being authentic. 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:23.679 If I meet someone, no matter what it is, as 0:10:23.960 --> 0:10:27.200 long as it's not criminal or illegal, but whatever it 0:10:27.240 --> 0:10:29.000 is that they want to do, even if to me, 0:10:29.040 --> 0:10:30.760 I'm like, who the fuck would want to do that? 0:10:31.040 --> 0:10:33.360 Why would you want it? But if I can sense 0:10:33.440 --> 0:10:37.240 in the sense in them that this is really meaningful, 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:40.640 this is something which they are passionate about, which something 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:43.640 that they could be amazing at, or even if they're 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:47.439 not amazing, but just that it gives them joy, it 0:10:47.559 --> 0:10:51.120 makes them come alive. I've got friends that do shit 0:10:51.200 --> 0:10:55.480 that I am totally not interested in personally me doing it, 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:59.760 but I'm fascinated for them, and I want to talk 0:10:59.800 --> 0:11:01.840 to them about it because I want to see what 0:11:02.000 --> 0:11:04.680 is this thing that I find boring that you find 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:08.520 fascinating Again, not wrong, not right, not not better, not worse, 0:11:08.720 --> 0:11:14.080 just different. Remember, seek first to understand. And your biggest 0:11:14.160 --> 0:11:18.520 challenge in this kind of dialogue, in this kind of 0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:24.199 space of building a better you, whatever that means, succeeding, growing, evolving, learning, 0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:28.440 all this self help, all this personal development of which 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:33.760 we speak your biggest challenge will be to understand yourself. 0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:40.080 Your biggest challenge will be to figure out why you 0:11:40.120 --> 0:11:42.280 do the shit that you do, good and bad, Why 0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:44.960 you think the way you do. Let's make that question too, 0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:49.000 why do I think the way that I do? And 0:11:49.040 --> 0:11:52.040 does the way that I think help me or not? 0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:55.600 Some of you heard me talk about this many times. 0:11:56.480 --> 0:11:59.560 My question to you, honestly as a coach and maybe 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:05.400 as your friend, is once you figure out well, firstly, 0:12:05.480 --> 0:12:07.600 have you figured out why you think the way that 0:12:07.640 --> 0:12:11.320 you do? Now? This is not a negative exercise. This 0:12:11.440 --> 0:12:16.320 is an awareness exercise, and like just as objective as 0:12:16.360 --> 0:12:19.000 I can be, I can tell you exactly why I 0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:20.760 think the way that I do. And I can also 0:12:20.840 --> 0:12:22.959 tell you that some of the ways that I think, 0:12:23.280 --> 0:12:27.080 some of those cognitive patterns and emotional and psychological patterns, 0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:32.360 are a form of self punishment and self restriction. It's 0:12:32.440 --> 0:12:35.000 like I built for myself when I was a kid, 0:12:35.120 --> 0:12:39.880 almost like a psychological and emotional prison because I was 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:43.560 scared of people seeing the real me and fucking rejecting 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:46.040 the real me. So let's just keep doing the pretend me. 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:50.120 Let's not let my light shine, because if I let 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:52.840 my light shine, I might kiss people off. So just 0:12:52.920 --> 0:12:56.800 fucking play small, Craig. And for those who knew me 0:12:56.840 --> 0:12:58.640 when I was young, you might not have thought I 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:02.360 was always playing small, but for me, I was. There 0:13:02.400 --> 0:13:06.600 were so many things I wanted to do, such such 0:13:06.679 --> 0:13:08.920 greater things that I wanted to do, so many words 0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:11.280 I wanted to say, conversations I wanted to have that 0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:15.280 I didn't because I was so scared of rejection and 0:13:15.600 --> 0:13:23.120 failure and isolation. And so understanding how you think is 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:27.240 just an exercise in self awareness. And once we start 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:31.400 to grasp I think this way because I grew up 0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:34.559 in this environment, or Mum and Dad had these beliefs, 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:38.000 and so their beliefs became my belief so their thinking 0:13:38.080 --> 0:13:42.079 became my thinking. Now that may not be bad. I'm 0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:46.080 not saying therefore that's bad. I'm saying, well, you probably 0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:48.880 never chose to think like that, but rather you just 0:13:48.960 --> 0:13:55.360 think like that as a byproduct of proximity, almost familial 0:13:55.720 --> 0:14:01.640 osmosis or sociological osmosis, where you just become a version 0:14:01.679 --> 0:14:04.679 of them because you are around them so much. And 0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:07.640 when you are around any person or any group or 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:13.160 anything or any influence or any social media output where 0:14:13.280 --> 0:14:17.360 you are plugged into that or them or they a lot. 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:20.000 It doesn't matter what you want, You're going to be 0:14:20.040 --> 0:14:22.840 affected by that. So that is going to influence your beliefs, 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:27.360 your values, your ideals, your ideas, your thinking. Again, is 0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:30.640 that bad? I don't know. I don't know. I've had 0:14:30.680 --> 0:14:34.480 people around me that have been brilliant and beautiful and 0:14:34.520 --> 0:14:38.200 amazing in my life, and definitely I am a better 0:14:38.240 --> 0:14:44.600 person for bumping into them. Definitely I look at things 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:47.280 in a healthier way because some of these people in 0:14:47.320 --> 0:14:51.480 a more critical, critical, not being bad, critical, being clear thinking, 0:14:51.520 --> 0:14:57.440 logically thinking way. Because even the awareness of oh, you know, metacognition, 0:14:57.680 --> 0:14:59.880 the idea of thinking about your thinking, I didn't even 0:15:00.440 --> 0:15:03.280 I didn't even know that was a thing. Really, like 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:07.280 the idea of me trying to understand me was a 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:12.000 mind fuck to me, probably until I was forty at 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:14.160 least thirty, where it maybe opened the door a bit. 0:15:14.200 --> 0:15:16.600 But as I get older and I talk to so 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:20.560 many people about so many things, and I see fifty 0:15:20.600 --> 0:15:23.680 people looking at the same thing, while fifty people are 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:26.520 looking at a different thing, do you know what I mean? 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:29.600 They're all looking at the same event or situation. So 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:36.040 objectively same event, situation, circumstance, but subjectively as an interpretation, 0:15:36.720 --> 0:15:41.200 all of them are seeing in inverted commas something different 0:15:41.280 --> 0:15:44.280 despite the fact that it isn't different. So what is 0:15:44.320 --> 0:15:46.880 that about that is not good or bad? That is 0:15:46.960 --> 0:15:50.240 human trying to understand the human experience, trying to understand 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:53.640 why you think the way that you do, What is 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:58.160 working right, what is working and what is not working? 0:15:58.560 --> 0:16:06.600 What is literally whole holding you back? Mentally, emotionally, behaviorally, practically, financially, sociologically, professionally, financially, 0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:09.000 all of it hold what's holding you back in terms 0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:13.000 of how you think? And then what can you do 0:16:13.080 --> 0:16:16.000 about that? Question three is how can I change the 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:19.280 way I think? How can I change the way that 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:24.600 I think? Well, you need to first recognize if this 0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:27.800 is you, If what I'm saying you know is about 0:16:27.840 --> 0:16:30.800 you or in part about you, then you and I 0:16:30.880 --> 0:16:33.800 we need to recognize that the way that I think 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:38.880 is an optimal, it's not optimal. It's not fucking if 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:41.680 optimal is ten. I don't know anyone who thinks optimally 0:16:41.720 --> 0:16:44.680 by the way, I definitely don't. I might have moments 0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:46.360 of a nine or an eight, but I don't know 0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:49.320 that I ever had a ten, But how can I 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:52.600 think closer to the ten and further from the one? 0:16:53.240 --> 0:16:57.240 How can my thinking be healthier and more productive and 0:16:57.320 --> 0:17:03.520 more calming and more solution focused? And how can my 0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:08.640 thinking be more attractive I don't mean in a weird way, 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:12.600 but more attractive for others to be around one of 0:17:12.640 --> 0:17:16.960 the If this sounds self gratifying, I don't mean it. 0:17:17.560 --> 0:17:20.879 But one of the nicest compliments I ever get is 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:24.560 not like, fuck, you've got good arms or whatever. That 0:17:24.720 --> 0:17:26.440 used to be on the list when I was twenty five, 0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:30.640 but these days is Craig. I love how you think. 0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:33.479 I love how you talk about stuff. I love how 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:36.920 you think. I love how you explain things, because that's 0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:38.520 what I want to do. I want to be able 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:40.760 to explain things to people or teach in a way 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:45.400 that people understand. I want to get how you think. Obviously, 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:49.439 right now i'm talking to well, eventually this will be 0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:52.040 heard by thousands of people, maybe tens of thousands of people, 0:17:52.080 --> 0:17:54.920 and so therefore I'm talking to ten different thousand, let's say, 0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:59.480 ten different thousand people who don't think the same. So 0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:03.680 my challenge is right now regarding thinking, my thinking and yours. 0:18:03.720 --> 0:18:06.919 My challenge is, how do I talk about thinking? How 0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:10.000 do I talk about metacognition? How do I talk about 0:18:10.040 --> 0:18:12.920 subjective and objective reality? How do I talk about these 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:16.600 kind of abstract concepts in a practical way where not 0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:19.919 only people understand what I'm saying, and people who are 0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:23.760 all looking through different windows, all coming from different backgrounds, 0:18:24.040 --> 0:18:27.320 all having different beliefs and idea ideas and values and 0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:30.760 levels of cognition and function and dysfunction all of that, 0:18:31.320 --> 0:18:35.080 how do I share the message, the story, the information 0:18:35.280 --> 0:18:39.480 in a way which resonates as well as it can 0:18:39.520 --> 0:18:42.240 for as many people as it can. Right. That is 0:18:42.320 --> 0:18:48.280 a deep, deep, deep fucking dive into thinking about my thinking, metacognition, 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:51.880 and thinking about your thinking, theory of mind, and then 0:18:51.960 --> 0:18:57.119 thinking about how you see me, the coach, the podcast 0:18:57.200 --> 0:19:00.439 or whatever the fuck you call me. Right, And we 0:19:00.520 --> 0:19:03.160 call that metabception, which is my PhD, which is trying 0:19:03.160 --> 0:19:06.080 to understand how others perceive an experience and process us. 0:19:06.400 --> 0:19:09.240 Not because we're insecure or not because we want to 0:19:09.280 --> 0:19:13.639 be liked, but we know that when I understand your 0:19:13.760 --> 0:19:17.600 version of Craig, then I can build more rapport, connection, trust, 0:19:17.720 --> 0:19:21.040 respect with you. When I understand what you see, just 0:19:21.240 --> 0:19:25.679 not what I think you see. And if we just 0:19:26.080 --> 0:19:29.800 circle around this a little bit and we realize in 0:19:29.840 --> 0:19:34.280 the moment that what you're getting from me is not 0:19:34.400 --> 0:19:37.720 what I think you're getting from me, then that gives 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:40.520 us an in the moment awareness of oh, what are 0:19:40.560 --> 0:19:43.680 they getting, what are they thinking? How am I for them? 0:19:45.760 --> 0:19:50.399 And this is one of the most misunderstood, I believe, 0:19:50.440 --> 0:19:56.520 one of the most misunderstood and underaddressed issues in communication 0:19:56.840 --> 0:20:01.760 and teamwork and leadership and all the other things that 0:20:01.960 --> 0:20:05.000 parenting that I have no qualification to talk about I know, 0:20:05.160 --> 0:20:07.240 but I do know about humans, and I do know 0:20:07.280 --> 0:20:10.920 about talking, and I do know about building rapport and trust, etc. 0:20:11.240 --> 0:20:15.919 But when we can really start to understand ourselves, and 0:20:15.960 --> 0:20:19.160 then we can understand or start to understand how old 0:20:19.200 --> 0:20:21.800 mates think and in real time old mate that you're 0:20:21.880 --> 0:20:25.280 chatting to you to, if you can understand how he 0:20:25.440 --> 0:20:28.560 or she sees you right now, you've got a social 0:20:29.200 --> 0:20:32.640 and communication advantage not to do bad, to do good. 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:34.960 And then if you can, on top of that lart 0:20:35.000 --> 0:20:37.720 with a bit of metaperception where you think, I kind 0:20:37.720 --> 0:20:40.440 of feel like this person sees me like this, whereas 0:20:40.440 --> 0:20:42.880 that's not the way I'm trying to be. And if 0:20:42.920 --> 0:20:47.199 you are somewhat accurate, we call that metabceptive accuracy. Then 0:20:47.280 --> 0:20:51.000 if you are somewhat accurate in that space, now you 0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:56.440 have an advantage over people, a good advantage, a social advantage, 0:20:56.440 --> 0:21:01.280 a psychological advantage in the context of this conversation, because 0:21:01.320 --> 0:21:04.760 you're thinking way more about the stuff in your head 0:21:06.680 --> 0:21:09.040 and now you have opened it up from our back 0:21:09.080 --> 0:21:12.680 and forth my sentence, your sense, my sentence, your sentence, 0:21:12.760 --> 0:21:18.080 my feelings, your feelings to something completely different. So I 0:21:18.080 --> 0:21:20.480 think I might leave it there today because I think 0:21:20.480 --> 0:21:23.760 that's enough, but just to start to think about just 0:21:23.840 --> 0:21:26.640 recapping what is your why? What is your reason? Why 0:21:26.640 --> 0:21:29.600 do you do things? And how often do you do 0:21:29.680 --> 0:21:33.840 things where you don't really recognize or think about the why. 0:21:34.000 --> 0:21:38.359 The start, we go cool, I want to do this great, 0:21:38.480 --> 0:21:41.080 That's what I know what I want. That's my goal. 0:21:41.640 --> 0:21:44.200 That's my goal. That's what I want to do that great. 0:21:44.359 --> 0:21:49.320 Let me ask you why you want to do that well, 0:21:50.560 --> 0:21:53.800 because I think this will happen when I reach that goal. 0:21:53.880 --> 0:21:58.520 I think this will be the subsequent experience or internal 0:21:58.560 --> 0:22:02.400 state or outcome or or Okay, I think it's good 0:22:02.400 --> 0:22:06.119 to question whether or not that might be true. That 0:22:06.240 --> 0:22:07.879 might be I thought when I got in shape and 0:22:08.000 --> 0:22:11.040 lean and h you know, a few muscles and that 0:22:11.080 --> 0:22:13.080 when I was young, I thought, when I got in shape, 0:22:13.600 --> 0:22:16.119 that will pretty much resolve all of my emotional and 0:22:16.200 --> 0:22:20.000 self esteem and social issues. It fucking didn't. I was 0:22:20.119 --> 0:22:22.520 just as insecure. I was just now. I was lean 0:22:22.560 --> 0:22:27.480 and strong and insecure. But the insecurity didn't go away 0:22:27.520 --> 0:22:33.280 because the insecurity was an emotional and psychological issue that 0:22:33.400 --> 0:22:37.480 I was trying to resolve with a physical outcome. Oh, 0:22:37.520 --> 0:22:39.560 my shoulders are bigger, my waist is small up, my 0:22:39.600 --> 0:22:43.560 body is leaner. Wow, all my self esteem is there 0:22:44.080 --> 0:22:47.280 and I'm not insecured, or it doesn't fucking happen, right, 0:22:48.080 --> 0:22:49.879 But if I go in and I go you know, 0:22:49.960 --> 0:22:51.720 my whata is to get in shape, and my why 0:22:51.840 --> 0:22:54.600 is because it's healthy, it's good. It might improve my 0:22:54.640 --> 0:22:57.720 confidence or not, but it's definitely something that I want 0:22:57.760 --> 0:23:00.760 to achieve for those reasons. That's cool. But also dig 0:23:01.000 --> 0:23:03.560 if your reason is not that, but your reason has 0:23:03.600 --> 0:23:06.840 got something to do with insecurity or some emotional or 0:23:06.840 --> 0:23:12.359 psychological state, maybe that's where you should start. Maybe you 0:23:12.359 --> 0:23:15.000 should start dealing with the internal stuff for the emotional 0:23:15.000 --> 0:23:18.400 and psychological. Doesn't mean don't go to the gym, doesn't 0:23:18.400 --> 0:23:20.320 mean don't go for a run, doesn't mean don't do 0:23:20.359 --> 0:23:23.720 anything for your body. But assuming that a physical outcome 0:23:23.840 --> 0:23:29.159 in this example will create a corresponding positive results on 0:23:29.240 --> 0:23:34.680 the inside just ain't true. It just ain't true. It's 0:23:34.680 --> 0:23:39.680 not automatically true anyway. And in terms of the how 0:23:39.720 --> 0:23:41.919 we think and you think and they think, just like 0:23:42.480 --> 0:23:47.800 my advice to you is think about the stuff that 0:23:47.840 --> 0:23:50.479 you believe. And this don't do all this in ten minutes, 0:23:50.720 --> 0:23:54.080 but over time, think about when you say something emphatically. 0:23:55.720 --> 0:23:58.919 I think the next thing to ask yourself is is 0:23:58.960 --> 0:24:03.000 there any chance I'm wrong? Then if there's any chance 0:24:03.040 --> 0:24:06.200 that you're wrong, then tone down the emphaticness. Whatever that 0:24:07.320 --> 0:24:10.240 verb is or noun is. You know what I'm saying. 0:24:10.280 --> 0:24:13.399 It's like, and you think about if we're honest and 0:24:13.400 --> 0:24:15.280 brave and I've said this many times, but if we're 0:24:15.320 --> 0:24:18.119 honest and brave, and you think about how many times 0:24:18.119 --> 0:24:19.920 have I been wrong in the past, And the answer 0:24:19.960 --> 0:24:23.800 would be, unless you're a fucking unicorn, the answer would 0:24:23.840 --> 0:24:28.480