1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,800 Speaker 1: Allow champions. I hope this finds you well. Craig Anthony 2 00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:05,720 Speaker 1: Harper reporting and for duty the other day, whose duty, 3 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:08,440 Speaker 1: I don't know, duty harps duty with a D and 4 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:12,039 Speaker 1: a T, not a J and a D. The other 5 00:00:12,119 --> 00:00:15,360 Speaker 1: day I recorded a bit of a coaching session I 6 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:18,800 Speaker 1: didn't know how to go. In fact, here's the truth, 7 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:20,520 Speaker 1: I never know how they'll go because I don't know 8 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:22,200 Speaker 1: what my energy is going to be, you know, not 9 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 1: energy as in physical energy, but you know when you 10 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,800 Speaker 1: bring something and you're like you're in the zone, and 11 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:29,159 Speaker 1: sometimes you're in the zone and sometimes you're not, and 12 00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:33,120 Speaker 1: sometimes you hit it out of the park metaphorically, sometimes 13 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 1: you don't. Anyway, the other one, the other day's little 14 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,640 Speaker 1: seshoire seemed to resonate with quite a few people, which 15 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:43,080 Speaker 1: is really nice. Thank you for your feedback. I had 16 00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:48,640 Speaker 1: literally about ten questions that I wanted to open the 17 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:52,480 Speaker 1: door on, and of course I got through too because 18 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:54,800 Speaker 1: I'm a chatty Kathy anyway, So I don't know we 19 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,360 Speaker 1: could get through one today, we could get through half, 20 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:03,360 Speaker 1: but I have eight potential questions left that these are 21 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:06,400 Speaker 1: not Look, if you've been listening to me for a while, 22 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,280 Speaker 1: some of these will be familiar, bit familiar, very familiar, 23 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:16,120 Speaker 1: or maybe not familiar. If you're newish, these might be revelatory. 24 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,679 Speaker 1: That is, they might be a revelation. They might be new, 25 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:22,399 Speaker 1: They might be a brand new kind of thing to 26 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:27,319 Speaker 1: consider for you. But these are questions that I have 27 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:31,760 Speaker 1: asked people formally and informally, mostly formally. It's not like 28 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 1: I wander around bumming into people on the street asking them, 29 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 1: you know, whether or not they believe they're truly objective 30 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:42,040 Speaker 1: about things or is it just a perspective, a subjective 31 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:45,000 Speaker 1: window you're looking through. Brian, I don't do that. But 32 00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:51,240 Speaker 1: these are questions that I think in the process of 33 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 1: building our best life and our best version of us 34 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,640 Speaker 1: in the middle of that best life, whatever that means. 35 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:59,200 Speaker 1: Also even think about that. I know I'm digressing, but 36 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 1: fuck it, think about best we are. Who wants to 37 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,040 Speaker 1: live your best life? Everyone puts up their hand. I'm like, oh, 38 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:08,480 Speaker 1: what's that? And no one knows or no one has 39 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:14,560 Speaker 1: the exact same definition, because best life means something different 40 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,480 Speaker 1: to different people. And when I say to a group, 41 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,120 Speaker 1: who wants to succeed? Nobody says I don't want to. 42 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 1: We might talk about that later. Despite the fact that 43 00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:25,680 Speaker 1: everyone will typically put up their hand in an audience 44 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 1: to say yes, I want to be successful, put them 45 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 1: on the spot and say cool, just tell me what 46 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:36,320 Speaker 1: that is for you, many people will stumble or bumble 47 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:39,919 Speaker 1: their way through either no answer or a very inadequate answer, 48 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: which is really not the truth. It's just something they 49 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 1: feel they've got to come up with in the moment. 50 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,680 Speaker 1: This is not good or bad. This is human. So 51 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:50,520 Speaker 1: I think it's interesting to think about what it is 52 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:54,680 Speaker 1: you want to do, be create and why. And so 53 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 1: that's where we're starting today. We're starting with the white question, 54 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,920 Speaker 1: but maybe should just finish where I was because I 55 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:04,960 Speaker 1: distracted myself. So I think it's important for us to 56 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:12,680 Speaker 1: ask questions, conscious, critical thinking questions along the way, because 57 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:15,360 Speaker 1: if we don't, if we don't have that presence of 58 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 1: mind and that in the moment awareness of why am 59 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 1: I doing this? What am I doing? What am I 60 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:28,440 Speaker 1: doing it for? What's my motivation, what's my hesitation, what's 61 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 1: required of me practically, physically, mentally, emotionally, time perhaps financially, 62 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:38,400 Speaker 1: what is required of me to do this thing? And 63 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:42,560 Speaker 1: is it something that I really want to do? And 64 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,760 Speaker 1: will it change the direction of my life. Will it 65 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:49,160 Speaker 1: make me better or my body better, or my relationships better, 66 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:52,320 Speaker 1: or my career better, or my mental health better, or 67 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:56,520 Speaker 1: my lifestyle better, or my fill in the blank better. 68 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:02,760 Speaker 1: So I think, while we are actually emotional and social creatures, 69 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 1: which is definitely not a bad thing, it's the human 70 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 1: thing in the middle of all the humanity and social 71 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:14,760 Speaker 1: stuff and emotional stuff, and I'm not sure what the 72 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,360 Speaker 1: fuck I'm doing stuff, and how did I get here 73 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,960 Speaker 1: with the fuck stuff all that all that, you know, 74 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 1: how did I end up like this stuff, or how 75 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 1: did I end up here? Or how come this is 76 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 1: gone so great? Like in good and bad situations, it's 77 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 1: important that we try to understand what we're doing consciously, 78 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 1: what we're doing unconsciously, what we're doing proactively, what we're 79 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:43,760 Speaker 1: doing reactively, what we're doing in a way that is 80 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:48,640 Speaker 1: essentially a form of self empowerment, what we're doing in 81 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:52,080 Speaker 1: a way that is essentially a form of self sabotage 82 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:55,680 Speaker 1: or self loathing, And to in the middle of all 83 00:04:55,720 --> 00:05:01,719 Speaker 1: of this very subjective human experience of you living in 84 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,359 Speaker 1: the middle of your experiences and living in the middle 85 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:07,279 Speaker 1: of your emotions and your feelings and your doubt and 86 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 1: your self doubt and your power you know, and your 87 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:13,680 Speaker 1: skill and your love and your kindness, and the totality 88 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 1: in the middle of living right in there, up in 89 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 1: the guts. To that is to try to figure out 90 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,599 Speaker 1: why am I the way I am, not in a 91 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,599 Speaker 1: critical way, in an awareness way. What do I do 92 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 1: the stuff I do? What do I think the way 93 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,080 Speaker 1: I do? What's my why? And so on and so on. 94 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:37,600 Speaker 1: So let's start with what's my why. I've done things 95 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:41,479 Speaker 1: that I just jumped into that I didn't really think 96 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,279 Speaker 1: about the why. It just seemed like a good idea 97 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 1: in the moment, Like I kind of thought about it, 98 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:50,520 Speaker 1: but I didn't deeply think about it. I've jumped into 99 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:54,280 Speaker 1: things where my story to me was, oh, this will 100 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,839 Speaker 1: help me, or this will help someone else. I'm generous, 101 00:05:56,839 --> 00:06:01,600 Speaker 1: I'm amazing, look at what I'm doing. But the truth 102 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:05,680 Speaker 1: is I was looking for approval. The truth is I 103 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 1: was trying to win. The truth is it was coming 104 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:11,680 Speaker 1: out of ego. The truth is it was coming out 105 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:15,520 Speaker 1: of insecurity. Or the truth is it's like I didn't 106 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:18,479 Speaker 1: feel like enough. But if I could do this thing, 107 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 1: achieve this thing, change this thing, help this person, then 108 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:25,160 Speaker 1: I would be enough, and that act, that process would 109 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:33,360 Speaker 1: overcome my not enoughness and so and of course when I, 110 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:39,600 Speaker 1: for example, when I was an unhealthy obese child, I 111 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:43,480 Speaker 1: really wanted to lose weight. Not because I was particularly 112 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 1: concerned with my health or my function or how well 113 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:53,119 Speaker 1: I operated or my clinical state, but because I wanted 114 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: to be liked. I didn't want to be socially invisible. 115 00:06:55,480 --> 00:07:00,719 Speaker 1: I didn't want to be disconnected from my peers. And 116 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:05,720 Speaker 1: so that was my reason. And that's an okay reason, 117 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:10,640 Speaker 1: but it doesn't necessarily that why doesn't necessarily end up 118 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,600 Speaker 1: Even if I do it for those reasons, I don't 119 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 1: necessarily end up where I think I would want to be, 120 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,320 Speaker 1: and I didn't in a lot of ways. So I 121 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 1: lost weight, I got fit, I got strong, some of 122 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:27,320 Speaker 1: the things moved on the old needle like, I got 123 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:30,200 Speaker 1: more friends, I got more recognition, and all of those things. 124 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 1: In that way, it worked. But then what I really wanted, 125 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,520 Speaker 1: I guess, was to be enough. What I really wanted 126 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:40,160 Speaker 1: was self esteem or what I needed. What I really 127 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:43,640 Speaker 1: needed was to think highly enough of me, not in 128 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:46,720 Speaker 1: an egotistical way, but a self worth, a self knowledge way. 129 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,800 Speaker 1: And sometimes we just stumble up into the right place 130 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:53,280 Speaker 1: and get the right outcome, and it's fucking amazing. And 131 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,720 Speaker 1: sometimes we don't. But I think whatever we do, whatever 132 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:00,680 Speaker 1: action we take, whatever direction we move in, whatever decision 133 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,840 Speaker 1: we make, especially I'm not talking about whether I get 134 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: the milk from there or there, but I'm talking about 135 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 1: stuff that is potentially transformative. I'm talking about big questions 136 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:14,920 Speaker 1: and big actions. I'm talking about big time commitment. I'm 137 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:18,040 Speaker 1: talking about big energy. I'm talking about the things that 138 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:22,640 Speaker 1: you might undertake. So many people that I have spoken 139 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:25,520 Speaker 1: to have undertaken a degree. This is very specific, but 140 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:28,120 Speaker 1: a degree, an undergrad or a master's degree, or even 141 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:32,160 Speaker 1: a doctorate in something because not because they loved it, 142 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:35,040 Speaker 1: not because they wanted to, not because they were passionate, 143 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,840 Speaker 1: but there why was. Let's not piss off mum and dad. 144 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:43,720 Speaker 1: Let's not disappoint the family. Let's live up to the 145 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:45,959 Speaker 1: families expect. Do I want to be a doctor? No, 146 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 1: but everyone wants me to, and my dad was, and 147 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:51,200 Speaker 1: my granddad was, and my elder brother is. So I 148 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,080 Speaker 1: should be a doctor. And in the middle of the 149 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:56,360 Speaker 1: I should be a doctor. There's no passion, there's no 150 00:08:56,480 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 1: real desire to be a doctor for for living one's purpose. 151 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:08,280 Speaker 1: With some people it's because they feel obligated. Now, becoming 152 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,719 Speaker 1: a doctor is amazing, unless you don't want to be 153 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,480 Speaker 1: a doctor. If you don't want to be a doctor, 154 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,840 Speaker 1: and you spend eight, ten, whatever years, it is becoming 155 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:20,640 Speaker 1: a doctor, becoming and eventually getting there. I would not 156 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,720 Speaker 1: suggest that's great because you are now living in alignment, 157 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,280 Speaker 1: because out of alignment. Because the things that you are 158 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:30,680 Speaker 1: passionate with and passionate about, and the things that make 159 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,000 Speaker 1: your heart sing, and the things that give you joy, 160 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,640 Speaker 1: and the things that you're fascinated with and excited about, 161 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:38,560 Speaker 1: and the things that you would like to grow and 162 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:41,280 Speaker 1: learn in, you're not doing that. You're doing what the 163 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:44,720 Speaker 1: other person wants you to do. So you're happy to 164 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:49,240 Speaker 1: disappoint yourself, But for God's sake, don't disappoint anybody else 165 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:52,560 Speaker 1: about what you individually do with your life. We're not 166 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:56,920 Speaker 1: even talking about their life. We're talking about your life. 167 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,959 Speaker 1: And this is not about being selfish or self centered. 168 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:04,120 Speaker 1: This is about you going I'm enough, I'm good enough. 169 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,960 Speaker 1: I deserve to do the job that I want. I 170 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:13,720 Speaker 1: don't deserve to be a selfless, selfish prick but you 171 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:18,040 Speaker 1: choosing the career that you're passionate about is not that 172 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,079 Speaker 1: that is you being real, That is you being authentic. 173 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,679 Speaker 1: If I meet someone, no matter what it is, as 174 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:27,200 Speaker 1: long as it's not criminal or illegal, but whatever it 175 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 1: is that they want to do, even if to me, 176 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,760 Speaker 1: I'm like, who the fuck would want to do that? 177 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,360 Speaker 1: Why would you want it? But if I can sense 178 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 1: in the sense in them that this is really meaningful, 179 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:40,640 Speaker 1: this is something which they are passionate about, which something 180 00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:43,640 Speaker 1: that they could be amazing at, or even if they're 181 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:47,439 Speaker 1: not amazing, but just that it gives them joy, it 182 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:51,120 Speaker 1: makes them come alive. I've got friends that do shit 183 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 1: that I am totally not interested in personally me doing it, 184 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,760 Speaker 1: but I'm fascinated for them, and I want to talk 185 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,840 Speaker 1: to them about it because I want to see what 186 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,680 Speaker 1: is this thing that I find boring that you find 187 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:08,520 Speaker 1: fascinating Again, not wrong, not right, not not better, not worse, 188 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:14,080 Speaker 1: just different. Remember, seek first to understand. And your biggest 189 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:18,520 Speaker 1: challenge in this kind of dialogue, in this kind of 190 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:24,199 Speaker 1: space of building a better you, whatever that means, succeeding, growing, evolving, learning, 191 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:28,440 Speaker 1: all this self help, all this personal development of which 192 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:33,760 Speaker 1: we speak your biggest challenge will be to understand yourself. 193 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:40,080 Speaker 1: Your biggest challenge will be to figure out why you 194 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,280 Speaker 1: do the shit that you do, good and bad, Why 195 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,960 Speaker 1: you think the way you do. Let's make that question too, 196 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:49,000 Speaker 1: why do I think the way that I do? And 197 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:52,040 Speaker 1: does the way that I think help me or not? 198 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:55,600 Speaker 1: Some of you heard me talk about this many times. 199 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,560 Speaker 1: My question to you, honestly as a coach and maybe 200 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:05,400 Speaker 1: as your friend, is once you figure out well, firstly, 201 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:07,600 Speaker 1: have you figured out why you think the way that 202 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:11,320 Speaker 1: you do? Now? This is not a negative exercise. This 203 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:16,320 Speaker 1: is an awareness exercise, and like just as objective as 204 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,000 Speaker 1: I can be, I can tell you exactly why I 205 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:20,760 Speaker 1: think the way that I do. And I can also 206 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,959 Speaker 1: tell you that some of the ways that I think, 207 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:27,080 Speaker 1: some of those cognitive patterns and emotional and psychological patterns, 208 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:32,360 Speaker 1: are a form of self punishment and self restriction. It's 209 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,000 Speaker 1: like I built for myself when I was a kid, 210 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 1: almost like a psychological and emotional prison because I was 211 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,560 Speaker 1: scared of people seeing the real me and fucking rejecting 212 00:12:43,559 --> 00:12:46,040 Speaker 1: the real me. So let's just keep doing the pretend me. 213 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:50,120 Speaker 1: Let's not let my light shine, because if I let 214 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,840 Speaker 1: my light shine, I might kiss people off. So just 215 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 1: fucking play small, Craig. And for those who knew me 216 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,640 Speaker 1: when I was young, you might not have thought I 217 00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:02,360 Speaker 1: was always playing small, but for me, I was. There 218 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:06,600 Speaker 1: were so many things I wanted to do, such such 219 00:13:06,679 --> 00:13:08,920 Speaker 1: greater things that I wanted to do, so many words 220 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,280 Speaker 1: I wanted to say, conversations I wanted to have that 221 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 1: I didn't because I was so scared of rejection and 222 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:23,120 Speaker 1: failure and isolation. And so understanding how you think is 223 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:27,240 Speaker 1: just an exercise in self awareness. And once we start 224 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:31,400 Speaker 1: to grasp I think this way because I grew up 225 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:34,559 Speaker 1: in this environment, or Mum and Dad had these beliefs, 226 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:38,000 Speaker 1: and so their beliefs became my belief so their thinking 227 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:42,079 Speaker 1: became my thinking. Now that may not be bad. I'm 228 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:46,080 Speaker 1: not saying therefore that's bad. I'm saying, well, you probably 229 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:48,880 Speaker 1: never chose to think like that, but rather you just 230 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:55,360 Speaker 1: think like that as a byproduct of proximity, almost familial 231 00:13:55,720 --> 00:14:01,640 Speaker 1: osmosis or sociological osmosis, where you just become a version 232 00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:04,679 Speaker 1: of them because you are around them so much. And 233 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,640 Speaker 1: when you are around any person or any group or 234 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:13,160 Speaker 1: anything or any influence or any social media output where 235 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:17,360 Speaker 1: you are plugged into that or them or they a lot. 236 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,000 Speaker 1: It doesn't matter what you want, You're going to be 237 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 1: affected by that. So that is going to influence your beliefs, 238 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:27,360 Speaker 1: your values, your ideals, your ideas, your thinking. Again, is 239 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,640 Speaker 1: that bad? I don't know. I don't know. I've had 240 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:34,480 Speaker 1: people around me that have been brilliant and beautiful and 241 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:38,200 Speaker 1: amazing in my life, and definitely I am a better 242 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:44,600 Speaker 1: person for bumping into them. Definitely I look at things 243 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:47,280 Speaker 1: in a healthier way because some of these people in 244 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:51,480 Speaker 1: a more critical, critical, not being bad, critical, being clear thinking, 245 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:57,440 Speaker 1: logically thinking way. Because even the awareness of oh, you know, metacognition, 246 00:14:57,680 --> 00:14:59,880 Speaker 1: the idea of thinking about your thinking, I didn't even 247 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,280 Speaker 1: I didn't even know that was a thing. Really, like 248 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:07,280 Speaker 1: the idea of me trying to understand me was a 249 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:12,000 Speaker 1: mind fuck to me, probably until I was forty at 250 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,160 Speaker 1: least thirty, where it maybe opened the door a bit. 251 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,600 Speaker 1: But as I get older and I talk to so 252 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:20,560 Speaker 1: many people about so many things, and I see fifty 253 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,680 Speaker 1: people looking at the same thing, while fifty people are 254 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:26,520 Speaker 1: looking at a different thing, do you know what I mean? 255 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:29,600 Speaker 1: They're all looking at the same event or situation. So 256 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:36,040 Speaker 1: objectively same event, situation, circumstance, but subjectively as an interpretation, 257 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:41,200 Speaker 1: all of them are seeing in inverted commas something different 258 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:44,280 Speaker 1: despite the fact that it isn't different. So what is 259 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:46,880 Speaker 1: that about that is not good or bad? That is 260 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:50,240 Speaker 1: human trying to understand the human experience, trying to understand 261 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 1: why you think the way that you do, What is 262 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:58,160 Speaker 1: working right, what is working and what is not working? 263 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 1: What is literally whole holding you back? Mentally, emotionally, behaviorally, practically, financially, sociologically, professionally, financially, 264 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,000 Speaker 1: all of it hold what's holding you back in terms 265 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:13,000 Speaker 1: of how you think? And then what can you do 266 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:16,000 Speaker 1: about that? Question three is how can I change the 267 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,280 Speaker 1: way I think? How can I change the way that 268 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:24,600 Speaker 1: I think? Well, you need to first recognize if this 269 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,800 Speaker 1: is you, If what I'm saying you know is about 270 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,800 Speaker 1: you or in part about you, then you and I 271 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 1: we need to recognize that the way that I think 272 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:38,880 Speaker 1: is an optimal, it's not optimal. It's not fucking if 273 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,680 Speaker 1: optimal is ten. I don't know anyone who thinks optimally 274 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,680 Speaker 1: by the way, I definitely don't. I might have moments 275 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:46,360 Speaker 1: of a nine or an eight, but I don't know 276 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 1: that I ever had a ten, But how can I 277 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,600 Speaker 1: think closer to the ten and further from the one? 278 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:57,240 Speaker 1: How can my thinking be healthier and more productive and 279 00:16:57,320 --> 00:17:03,520 Speaker 1: more calming and more solution focused? And how can my 280 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:08,640 Speaker 1: thinking be more attractive I don't mean in a weird way, 281 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:12,600 Speaker 1: but more attractive for others to be around one of 282 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:16,960 Speaker 1: the If this sounds self gratifying, I don't mean it. 283 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,879 Speaker 1: But one of the nicest compliments I ever get is 284 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,560 Speaker 1: not like, fuck, you've got good arms or whatever. That 285 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,440 Speaker 1: used to be on the list when I was twenty five, 286 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,640 Speaker 1: but these days is Craig. I love how you think. 287 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,479 Speaker 1: I love how you talk about stuff. I love how 288 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,920 Speaker 1: you think. I love how you explain things, because that's 289 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:38,520 Speaker 1: what I want to do. I want to be able 290 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,760 Speaker 1: to explain things to people or teach in a way 291 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:45,400 Speaker 1: that people understand. I want to get how you think. Obviously, 292 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:49,439 Speaker 1: right now i'm talking to well, eventually this will be 293 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,040 Speaker 1: heard by thousands of people, maybe tens of thousands of people, 294 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:54,920 Speaker 1: and so therefore I'm talking to ten different thousand, let's say, 295 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:59,480 Speaker 1: ten different thousand people who don't think the same. So 296 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:03,680 Speaker 1: my challenge is right now regarding thinking, my thinking and yours. 297 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,919 Speaker 1: My challenge is, how do I talk about thinking? How 298 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 1: do I talk about metacognition? How do I talk about 299 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,920 Speaker 1: subjective and objective reality? How do I talk about these 300 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:16,600 Speaker 1: kind of abstract concepts in a practical way where not 301 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:19,919 Speaker 1: only people understand what I'm saying, and people who are 302 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:23,760 Speaker 1: all looking through different windows, all coming from different backgrounds, 303 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 1: all having different beliefs and idea ideas and values and 304 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,760 Speaker 1: levels of cognition and function and dysfunction all of that, 305 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:35,080 Speaker 1: how do I share the message, the story, the information 306 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:39,480 Speaker 1: in a way which resonates as well as it can 307 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,240 Speaker 1: for as many people as it can. Right. That is 308 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:48,280 Speaker 1: a deep, deep, deep fucking dive into thinking about my thinking, metacognition, 309 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:51,880 Speaker 1: and thinking about your thinking, theory of mind, and then 310 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:57,119 Speaker 1: thinking about how you see me, the coach, the podcast 311 00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,439 Speaker 1: or whatever the fuck you call me. Right, And we 312 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:03,160 Speaker 1: call that metabception, which is my PhD, which is trying 313 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,080 Speaker 1: to understand how others perceive an experience and process us. 314 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,240 Speaker 1: Not because we're insecure or not because we want to 315 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:13,639 Speaker 1: be liked, but we know that when I understand your 316 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:17,600 Speaker 1: version of Craig, then I can build more rapport, connection, trust, 317 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 1: respect with you. When I understand what you see, just 318 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:25,679 Speaker 1: not what I think you see. And if we just 319 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:29,800 Speaker 1: circle around this a little bit and we realize in 320 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:34,280 Speaker 1: the moment that what you're getting from me is not 321 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:37,720 Speaker 1: what I think you're getting from me, then that gives 322 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,520 Speaker 1: us an in the moment awareness of oh, what are 323 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,680 Speaker 1: they getting, what are they thinking? How am I for them? 324 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:50,399 Speaker 1: And this is one of the most misunderstood, I believe, 325 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:56,520 Speaker 1: one of the most misunderstood and underaddressed issues in communication 326 00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:01,760 Speaker 1: and teamwork and leadership and all the other things that 327 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,000 Speaker 1: parenting that I have no qualification to talk about I know, 328 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,240 Speaker 1: but I do know about humans, and I do know 329 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:10,920 Speaker 1: about talking, and I do know about building rapport and trust, etc. 330 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:15,919 Speaker 1: But when we can really start to understand ourselves, and 331 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:19,160 Speaker 1: then we can understand or start to understand how old 332 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,800 Speaker 1: mates think and in real time old mate that you're 333 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:25,280 Speaker 1: chatting to you to, if you can understand how he 334 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 1: or she sees you right now, you've got a social 335 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:32,640 Speaker 1: and communication advantage not to do bad, to do good. 336 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,960 Speaker 1: And then if you can, on top of that lart 337 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,720 Speaker 1: with a bit of metaperception where you think, I kind 338 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,440 Speaker 1: of feel like this person sees me like this, whereas 339 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,880 Speaker 1: that's not the way I'm trying to be. And if 340 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:47,199 Speaker 1: you are somewhat accurate, we call that metabceptive accuracy. Then 341 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:51,000 Speaker 1: if you are somewhat accurate in that space, now you 342 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:56,440 Speaker 1: have an advantage over people, a good advantage, a social advantage, 343 00:20:56,440 --> 00:21:01,280 Speaker 1: a psychological advantage in the context of this conversation, because 344 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,760 Speaker 1: you're thinking way more about the stuff in your head 345 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,040 Speaker 1: and now you have opened it up from our back 346 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:12,680 Speaker 1: and forth my sentence, your sense, my sentence, your sentence, 347 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:18,080 Speaker 1: my feelings, your feelings to something completely different. So I 348 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,480 Speaker 1: think I might leave it there today because I think 349 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,760 Speaker 1: that's enough, but just to start to think about just 350 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,640 Speaker 1: recapping what is your why? What is your reason? Why 351 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,600 Speaker 1: do you do things? And how often do you do 352 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 1: things where you don't really recognize or think about the why. 353 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:38,359 Speaker 1: The start, we go cool, I want to do this great, 354 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,080 Speaker 1: That's what I know what I want. That's my goal. 355 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:44,200 Speaker 1: That's my goal. That's what I want to do that great. 356 00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:49,320 Speaker 1: Let me ask you why you want to do that well, 357 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,800 Speaker 1: because I think this will happen when I reach that goal. 358 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:58,520 Speaker 1: I think this will be the subsequent experience or internal 359 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:02,400 Speaker 1: state or outcome or or Okay, I think it's good 360 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:06,119 Speaker 1: to question whether or not that might be true. That 361 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:07,879 Speaker 1: might be I thought when I got in shape and 362 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,040 Speaker 1: lean and h you know, a few muscles and that 363 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,080 Speaker 1: when I was young, I thought, when I got in shape, 364 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,119 Speaker 1: that will pretty much resolve all of my emotional and 365 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:20,000 Speaker 1: self esteem and social issues. It fucking didn't. I was 366 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:22,520 Speaker 1: just as insecure. I was just now. I was lean 367 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:27,480 Speaker 1: and strong and insecure. But the insecurity didn't go away 368 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:33,280 Speaker 1: because the insecurity was an emotional and psychological issue that 369 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:37,480 Speaker 1: I was trying to resolve with a physical outcome. Oh, 370 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,560 Speaker 1: my shoulders are bigger, my waist is small up, my 371 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:43,560 Speaker 1: body is leaner. Wow, all my self esteem is there 372 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:47,280 Speaker 1: and I'm not insecured, or it doesn't fucking happen, right, 373 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:49,879 Speaker 1: But if I go in and I go you know, 374 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,720 Speaker 1: my whata is to get in shape, and my why 375 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,600 Speaker 1: is because it's healthy, it's good. It might improve my 376 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 1: confidence or not, but it's definitely something that I want 377 00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 1: to achieve for those reasons. That's cool. But also dig 378 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,560 Speaker 1: if your reason is not that, but your reason has 379 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,840 Speaker 1: got something to do with insecurity or some emotional or 380 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:12,359 Speaker 1: psychological state, maybe that's where you should start. Maybe you 381 00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:15,000 Speaker 1: should start dealing with the internal stuff for the emotional 382 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,400 Speaker 1: and psychological. Doesn't mean don't go to the gym, doesn't 383 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 1: mean don't go for a run, doesn't mean don't do 384 00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:23,720 Speaker 1: anything for your body. But assuming that a physical outcome 385 00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:29,159 Speaker 1: in this example will create a corresponding positive results on 386 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:34,680 Speaker 1: the inside just ain't true. It just ain't true. It's 387 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:39,680 Speaker 1: not automatically true anyway. And in terms of the how 388 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:41,919 Speaker 1: we think and you think and they think, just like 389 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:47,800 Speaker 1: my advice to you is think about the stuff that 390 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,479 Speaker 1: you believe. And this don't do all this in ten minutes, 391 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:54,080 Speaker 1: but over time, think about when you say something emphatically. 392 00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,919 Speaker 1: I think the next thing to ask yourself is is 393 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:03,000 Speaker 1: there any chance I'm wrong? Then if there's any chance 394 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:06,200 Speaker 1: that you're wrong, then tone down the emphaticness. Whatever that 395 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:10,240 Speaker 1: verb is or noun is. You know what I'm saying. 396 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:13,399 Speaker 1: It's like, and you think about if we're honest and 397 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,280 Speaker 1: brave and I've said this many times, but if we're 398 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,119 Speaker 1: honest and brave, and you think about how many times 399 00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:19,920 Speaker 1: have I been wrong in the past, And the answer 400 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:23,800 Speaker 1: would be, unless you're a fucking unicorn, the answer would 401 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:28,480 Speaker 1: be thousands, maybe tens of thousands. Betting how old you are. 402 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,760 Speaker 1: For me, it's tens of thousands, no doubt, no doubt. 403 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:33,720 Speaker 1: I have no doubt that it's more than ten thousand 404 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:37,960 Speaker 1: times that I've been wrong little wrongs, big wrong, significant, 405 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:43,119 Speaker 1: you know, fucking like life changing wrongs, just because I 406 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,199 Speaker 1: assume something or made a decision based on false evidence 407 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:50,200 Speaker 1: or false information, and so I ate this way because 408 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:51,960 Speaker 1: I thought this was the best way. It turns out 409 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,560 Speaker 1: it wasn't. Or I trained this way, or I communicated 410 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,520 Speaker 1: this way, or I set up my business this way, 411 00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:01,000 Speaker 1: or like trying to understand whether comes from and then 412 00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:07,280 Speaker 1: gently lean into that this is not our I'm wrong, 413 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,959 Speaker 1: I'm an idiot. My thoughts are flawed. I'm just a 414 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:14,520 Speaker 1: fucking flawed human. That's all self pity and bullshit. You're okay, 415 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,640 Speaker 1: You're fucking fine. Do you fuck up? Of course you do. 416 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,239 Speaker 1: Do you do dumb things and say dumb things? Of 417 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,760 Speaker 1: course you fucking do. Do you embarrass yourself? Yes? Do 418 00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,199 Speaker 1: you also do good things for yourself and others? Are 419 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:31,159 Speaker 1: you also kind and generous at times? Are you also caring? 420 00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,600 Speaker 1: Do you have empathy for others? Yes? Do you also 421 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,000 Speaker 1: do some things that are really fucking smart? Of course 422 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 1: you do well done. Let's put those great things aside, 423 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:42,919 Speaker 1: let's work on the other stuff. Working on weaknesses is 424 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:48,480 Speaker 1: not self loathing. It's self regulation, it's self improvement. It's 425 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:52,359 Speaker 1: literally what we're talking about. All right, team, have a 426 00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:52,760 Speaker 1: good day.