Speaker 1: Today, groovers, hope you're great. So what you're about to
Speaker 1: hear today, if you choose to continue, it's like mission impossible,
Speaker 1: if you so choose to open the typ envelope. Anyway,
Speaker 1: this conversation, well, it's more soliloquy, it's more a monologue.
Speaker 1: It's more a meter you workshop. I did this quite
Speaker 1: a while ago now and it is our most listened
Speaker 1: to episode. It is called ungive Upable, and it seemed
Speaker 1: to resonate with many people. So rather than reinventing the wheel,
Speaker 1: we've touched it up a little bit and yeah, I
Speaker 1: hope you enjoy it, so have a listen. It's one
Speaker 1: of those things that you may want to take notes,
Speaker 1: you might want to you might listen to it and go,
Speaker 1: I'm going to go back. But there's just a lot
Speaker 1: of good stuff of getting out of just the inspiration
Speaker 1: and the motivation all of that into the practical reality
Speaker 1: of how the fuck do I actually change my life?
Speaker 1: And that is very much what this is about. It's
Speaker 1: also I will say, have it you know, little aster risk.
Speaker 1: If you're a bit press harden the fuck up? No,
Speaker 1: you just kidding. If you're a bit presh, might not
Speaker 1: be a thing, and that's okay too. Anyway, here we
Speaker 1: go becoming unfucking give upable, all right, I want to
Speaker 1: talk about the propensity that we have to give up,
Speaker 1: to stop, to throw in the towel, to make excuses
Speaker 1: to rationalize not doing it anymore. And so, as you
Speaker 1: would have seen, I'm calling this podcast becoming ungive Upable,
Speaker 1: which is a ridiculous title, but it made me laugh
Speaker 1: when I thought of that word unngive upable, because I
Speaker 1: would like to be ungive upable. I don't think I
Speaker 1: am that, but I think I'm working towards it. And
Speaker 1: I don't know that it depends what you call giving
Speaker 1: up too. I'm not talking about sometimes we just decide
Speaker 1: to not do something because that's strategically necessary or medically
Speaker 1: necessary or practically necessary. I'm not talking about that. I'm
Speaker 1: talking about I'm talking today about the things that we
Speaker 1: just throw the towel in on that we know that
Speaker 1: we shouldn't, the things that we rationalize when we know
Speaker 1: our rationale is actually bullshit, and the times when and
Speaker 1: again there's no I don't mean to be any judgment
Speaker 1: in this, just acknowledgment because I have done not only
Speaker 1: have I done this. I've done it many, many, many times.
Speaker 1: So I'm speaking from personal experience that is me doing it,
Speaker 1: and also personal experience working with tens of thousands of
Speaker 1: people for decades who have also struggled with this idea
Speaker 1: of maintaining the behavior, doing the thing, doing the work,
Speaker 1: creating new habits, creating a new operating system, creating a
Speaker 1: new behavioral default setting and new eating, default setting, exercise,
Speaker 1: default setting work, default setting, relationship to fault setting, whatever
Speaker 1: it is. So that thing that we used to do
Speaker 1: when we were temporarily motivated becomes the thing that we
Speaker 1: do all the time now because we've created a new blueprint.
Speaker 1: We've created a new system, a subconscious, conscious, behavioral, and
Speaker 1: practical operating system that aligns with our goals and our
Speaker 1: purpose and our values. And so what we know is
Speaker 1: what we know is and I've mentioned this a few
Speaker 1: times over the years, that gym owners can sell or
Speaker 1: gyms can sell more memberships than the gym can accommodate
Speaker 1: because they know that people won't come, They know that
Speaker 1: people will make decisions that they don't follow through on.
Speaker 1: They know that people will come in the door, they'll
Speaker 1: hand over their money, they'll sign up for a year
Speaker 1: or two years, or they'll sign up on a direct debit, weekly, monthly,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, and more than likely they will not
Speaker 1: use that gym or those resources or that membership the
Speaker 1: way that they intended to on day one. More people
Speaker 1: won't do it than will. So the gym that I
Speaker 1: currently train at has I think it's around fifteen or
Speaker 1: sixteen hundred members. I don't have data on how many
Speaker 1: go or don't go, but I go at all times
Speaker 1: of the day, and I can tell you I see
Speaker 1: a lot of the same people there, and I'm there
Speaker 1: seven days a week, and it's not often I see
Speaker 1: I mean, I see new people. Yeah, but you would
Speaker 1: think that if all of those fifteen or sixteen hundred
Speaker 1: people were training, that I would see just constantly different
Speaker 1: people than I don't. So, you know, the best guess
Speaker 1: is that they're or my best guess is that there
Speaker 1: are somewhere around fifteen to twenty percent of people who
Speaker 1: train who are current members, who train consistently and well
Speaker 1: and do what they intended to do. There's and again
Speaker 1: this is bro science, this is from forty years of
Speaker 1: working in gim and watching. There's maybe another twenty percent
Speaker 1: who are somewhat spasmodic. There's maybe another twenty percent who
Speaker 1: go every now and then, and then there's forty percent
Speaker 1: who are current members who pretty much never go. And
Speaker 1: so now that's not the fold of the gym. That's
Speaker 1: just a reflection on or a commentary on our ability
Speaker 1: to do the thing that we set out to do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I have a few questions. I want to go
Speaker 1: through some general stuff, some practical stuff, some cognitive stuff,
Speaker 1: and I want to ask a few questions. And I
Speaker 1: guess the reason that I'm very passionate about this is
Speaker 1: because as a coach, personal trainer, exercise scientist, you know,
Speaker 1: high performance speaker, blah blah, all the shit that I do.
Speaker 1: Not an expert though, by the way, not an expert,
Speaker 1: but just a bloke who's spent a lot of time
Speaker 1: talking to people about change. Like literally, you think about
Speaker 1: my job. When I go into work with a company
Speaker 1: at one thousand people or ten people, we're talking about change.
Speaker 1: That is, how do we think better, do better, connect better, perform, better,
Speaker 1: serve our clients, better, create a better culture. How do
Speaker 1: we do better? Better? Equals change? Positive change. When someone
Speaker 1: comes to my workshop or a seminar, They're not there
Speaker 1: because they want no results or no change or no difference.
Speaker 1: They're there because they want to change. There's something about
Speaker 1: the way they think or do life, or behave, or
Speaker 1: interact or communicate or experience the world around them that
Speaker 1: they want to change. When someone joins a gym, it's
Speaker 1: the same. When someone sees a dietitian. It's the same.
Speaker 1: When someone jumps into my mentoring group on Monday nights,
Speaker 1: as you know, where nearly finished our twelve week program.
Speaker 1: It's the same. When someone buys one of my books,
Speaker 1: it's because they want to learn, or they want to evolve,
Speaker 1: or they want to be prompted or motivated, or they
Speaker 1: want to be informed. Because why because something's not working?
Speaker 1: Why do people listen listen to this podcast? Well, for
Speaker 1: a range of reasons, but one of the dominant reasons
Speaker 1: is because there's shit I want to learn and understand
Speaker 1: and know. Because there's stuff about me or my body
Speaker 1: or my thinking, or my habits, or my life, or
Speaker 1: my behavior or my outcomes or my relationships or my
Speaker 1: self talk all my stories. There's something that I need
Speaker 1: to change. I know I need to change, but by
Speaker 1: the way I've known that I've needed to change it
Speaker 1: for ten years and I haven't. So that's the conversation.
Speaker 1: The conversation is why not? How do I become the
Speaker 1: person that makes decision, the decision that creates, the plan
Speaker 1: that implements, the plan that does the work, that adapts
Speaker 1: to the bullshit, that works around the messiness of life
Speaker 1: and the messiness of people, and the messiness and uncertainty
Speaker 1: and unpredictability of things, events, happenings. How do I be
Speaker 1: that person that, in the middle of all of those
Speaker 1: uncontrollables and variables, me the controllable. I can control me.
Speaker 1: I can control my behavior and to an extent, my
Speaker 1: thoughts and my choices and my reactions. How do I
Speaker 1: be the person that doesn't keep giving up? And why
Speaker 1: am I not that person already? Do I have a
Speaker 1: history of stopping and starting? This is a question for you,
Speaker 1: the listener. Do you have a history? Again? This is
Speaker 1: not about beating yourself up. This is just about being honest.
Speaker 1: This is about being aware. This is about going You
Speaker 1: know what I do, I keep stopping and starting. I'm
Speaker 1: going to go welcome to a really big club. That's okay,
Speaker 1: You're not bad, You're not broken. You're not weird, You're human.
Speaker 1: Me too. I've spent a lot of my life starting
Speaker 1: and stopping things that I shouldn't have stopped. I should
Speaker 1: have just maintained. But did I know? Am I broken
Speaker 1: and weird? No? I'm just like you. We're the same.
Speaker 1: So the question is not what's wrong with me? The
Speaker 1: question is what is it that that precipitates this falling
Speaker 1: off the horse all the time? Or off the wagon,
Speaker 1: the metaphoric wagon that doesn't exist? What is that? So
Speaker 1: do I have a history of stopping and starting? And
Speaker 1: what's really what's really stopped me? Like? Why do I
Speaker 1: really give up? And if we're being really honest, okay,
Speaker 1: I'll be really honest. Why have I stopped in the past? Well,
Speaker 1: the main reason is it's hard the end and it's hard.
Speaker 1: It's uncomfortable. Sometimes, it's impractical, it's unfamiliar, it doesn't in
Speaker 1: the moment, it doesn't suit me in the moment. You
Speaker 1: know what I want in the moment? I want fucking cake,
Speaker 1: That's why. And I know that in the moment I
Speaker 1: can gratify myself. I can self gratify with cake, I
Speaker 1: can self gratify with chocolate milk, and ice cream mixed
Speaker 1: in the blender. I can self gratify with a hamburger
Speaker 1: with fucking white bread, sandwiches with potato cakes and salt
Speaker 1: and pepper and cheese and sauce. Oh fuck, I'm getting
Speaker 1: myself into a state as I speak, Come on, right,
Speaker 1: and I know that I can eat. You know, I
Speaker 1: just talk about food because that's my issue, not drugs,
Speaker 1: not booze. But for me, that's been my issue. Why
Speaker 1: did I do it? Well, I did it. I did
Speaker 1: it because it made me momentarily feel fucking amazing. And
Speaker 1: so the biggest challenge for me, and dare I say,
Speaker 1: the biggest challenge for many of you moving forward, brothers
Speaker 1: and sisters, is our ability, Oh come on, our ability
Speaker 1: to delay gratification, Our ability in the middle of that shit,
Speaker 1: in the middle of that moment of fuck will I
Speaker 1: won't ee, in the middle of that moment of temptation,
Speaker 1: and that fucking no one's looking, no one will know
Speaker 1: I deserve this. Like what we do is we have
Speaker 1: this inner war where we start to tell ourself a
Speaker 1: story that we know is bullshit, and we start to
Speaker 1: rationalize it. And usually the antidote or the justification is
Speaker 1: it's all right, it's just now. It's all right. I'll
Speaker 1: go for a run later, or I'll start again tomorrow.
Speaker 1: I'll be back on track tomorrow, and then it's July.
Speaker 1: This is what we do. And the reason the reasons
Speaker 1: that we do that are many. One of them is
Speaker 1: that we are, in many ways hardwired for pleasure. We are,
Speaker 1: and we are hardwired for instant gratification. And of course,
Speaker 1: as do I we just love feeling fucking great. But
Speaker 1: the problem is that that feeling fucking great is very
Speaker 1: short lived. Nobody who is out of shape or overweight,
Speaker 1: or over fat or unhealthy, and I mean all of
Speaker 1: these things with respect because I have been all of those.
Speaker 1: Nobody nobody goes and over indulges and then two hours
Speaker 1: later feels great. Nobody, everybody, either physically or emotionally or psychologically,
Speaker 1: or all of those, when they've just gone and overeaten
Speaker 1: and eat a whole lot of food that their body
Speaker 1: doesn't need, whether they've got this inner battle going on
Speaker 1: because they simultaneously want to feel great in the moment,
Speaker 1: but they also want to change their body over time.
Speaker 1: Nobody feels great about that. And this is our challenge,
Speaker 1: Our challenge is that. Well. One of the big challenges
Speaker 1: with this is that the journey that we need to take.
Speaker 1: This is why we talk about the narrow path, because
Speaker 1: very few people take this journey, and this journey is
Speaker 1: the I am not going to do that thing that
Speaker 1: makes me feel momentarily good. But also what's not going
Speaker 1: to happen is today I'm not going to change significantly.
Speaker 1: I'm going to avoid the I'm going to avoid the
Speaker 1: chips and the potato cake sandwich. But I'm not going
Speaker 1: to necessarily lose weight today. I'm not going to wake
Speaker 1: up tomorrow and be ten kilos better off. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to wake up tomorrow with abs because my journey
Speaker 1: is maybe a three, six or twelve month journey to
Speaker 1: get to the place where I feel and look and
Speaker 1: function the way that I want. So what I'll do
Speaker 1: is I'll just eat this shit right now and I'll
Speaker 1: start tomorrow, and that dialogue will I will eat this
Speaker 1: shit and start tomorrow. That becomes a record in our
Speaker 1: brain that plays on repeat for fucking decades. And some
Speaker 1: of you, I'm talking right to you, I'm saying you
Speaker 1: need to take that record off that turntable, smash it
Speaker 1: in a million pieces and create a new operating system.
Speaker 1: And also we need to get to the point where
Speaker 1: we stop looking for something or someone or some pill
Speaker 1: or some program or some post or some fucking scientific
Speaker 1: breakthrough to do the work, to do the work, because
Speaker 1: not only does doing the work ourselves create the outcome
Speaker 1: that we want, the physical outcome, right, not only does
Speaker 1: it create the outcome, but what it does it also
Speaker 1: changes who we are and how we think and how
Speaker 1: we operate and how we do life. Because when you
Speaker 1: finally get to the point where you go from being
Speaker 1: the person who's going around and round and round in
Speaker 1: this kind of groundhog day existence of starting and stopping
Speaker 1: and losing a bit and gaining a bit, or giving
Speaker 1: up cigarettes and taking them up or whatever. The doesn't
Speaker 1: need to be anything about food or dope or cigarettes
Speaker 1: or booze. It could be some other destructive habit, right,
Speaker 1: But when we keep going around and round and round
Speaker 1: in circles, we just build an existence for ourselves that's
Speaker 1: almost impossible to get out of. And time stands still,
Speaker 1: you know, and at the same time it flies and
Speaker 1: we kind of lose perspective. And so for us it's
Speaker 1: really necessary to go the answer is me. There is
Speaker 1: no shortcut or hack or quick fix not to create
Speaker 1: lasting change. And we are we are challenged because all
Speaker 1: around us, you know, there would be many businesses, many businesses,
Speaker 1: many products, many services, many people that would be out
Speaker 1: of business. If everyone in Australia and around the world
Speaker 1: stopped buying quick fix type services, a lot of businesses
Speaker 1: would go broke tomorrow. Right if everyone stopped buying the shortcut,
Speaker 1: the fat burner, the this that, the eight weeks of this,
Speaker 1: the four days of that, the hack, this like if
Speaker 1: everyone just went, well, I've done. Let me see, I've
Speaker 1: tried thirty seven different shortcuts, and here I am worse
Speaker 1: than when I started. Worse, not even in the same place.
Speaker 1: I'm worse. So, after you do thirty seven shortcuts or
Speaker 1: thirty seven miracle cures or pills, or you listen to
Speaker 1: thirty seven gurus who will tell you how to get
Speaker 1: the result without doing the work right, at some stage,
Speaker 1: hopefully you get to the point where you go, oh,
Speaker 1: they don't actually care about me. They just want my money.
Speaker 1: And also, not only don't they care about me, they
Speaker 1: don't actually know me. And this is why sometimes well
Speaker 1: I polarize people for a range of reasons, because I
Speaker 1: say fuck a million times. Probably that's part of it. Ah,
Speaker 1: get over it though, But the other part is because
Speaker 1: I my message is not sexy, yep, my message is
Speaker 1: not feel good. My message is not oh yeah, you
Speaker 1: can do anything. You can't fucking do anything. You can't.
Speaker 1: You can't run one hundred meters in nine seconds. You
Speaker 1: can't get up on the roof of the house and
Speaker 1: fly to the house next door. You fucking can't. We
Speaker 1: can't all become prime minister. We can't all be elite athletes.
Speaker 1: We can't all be world famous singers. We can't for
Speaker 1: a range of reasons. That's not negative, that's just fucking real.
Speaker 1: But however, asterisk, we most of us can do a
Speaker 1: lot more than we're currently doing. And so, you know,
Speaker 1: I think we need to step out of the you know,
Speaker 1: the the self help bullshit and into the practical reality
Speaker 1: of Okay, I'm a grown ass man, I'm a grown
Speaker 1: ass woman. I have if I'm being honest, you know,
Speaker 1: I've been going around in circles with the same issue
Speaker 1: for a very long time, and I've asked a thousand
Speaker 1: people a thousand questions, and I've read this and I've
Speaker 1: done that, and I've tried this, and I've tried that.
Speaker 1: But nonetheless, here I am, and I'm still doing the
Speaker 1: same thing that doesn't work. I'm still choosing to do things.
Speaker 1: I am still consciously choosing to do things which self
Speaker 1: sabotage my own goals. I am not accidentally eating shit.
Speaker 1: I am choosing it. And the reason that I'm choosing
Speaker 1: it is because I'm not fully committed to the process
Speaker 1: of changing my life, habits, behavior's outcome. Because being fully committed, Like,
Speaker 1: why do people commit to twelve eight and ten week programs, Well,
Speaker 1: because they're twelve eight and ten weeks long, that's why.
Speaker 1: Because it's short term, because it's temporary, because I can stop, right.
Speaker 1: But why don't people do forty year programs? What? What? What?
Speaker 1: Because on a subconscious level, we want to get out
Speaker 1: of jail card. We like the idea of looking permanently
Speaker 1: amazing and having a permanently I'm talking about, you know,
Speaker 1: for our potential. I'm not talking about instant model. I'm
Speaker 1: talking about whoever you are, wherever you are, what you
Speaker 1: know what eight or nine or ten out of ten
Speaker 1: out of ten is for you, not compared to anyone.
Speaker 1: But when we go okay, everyone, put up your hand.
Speaker 1: If you want permanent positive change, that is, you want
Speaker 1: to look feel function good forever. Everyone puts up their hand.
Speaker 1: Now put up your hand. If you're all going to
Speaker 1: do the work required forever, the hands stay down. Why
Speaker 1: are well? Huh? Because you've got to have a life.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's it. Oh yeah, Oh there's my guy.
Speaker 1: You've got to have a life. Okay, you've got to
Speaker 1: have a life. Let's explore that. What does that mean?
Speaker 1: So does that mean if you're not eating shit or
Speaker 1: getting pissed or falling down or doing dumb things that
Speaker 1: are inconsistent with your values of goals? Does that mean
Speaker 1: you're not living your best life or you're not having
Speaker 1: a life. Oh no, no, but that's you said to me,
Speaker 1: you've got to have a life. So what does having
Speaker 1: a life mean? I would suggest that having a life
Speaker 1: means walking around in your best body, with your best health,
Speaker 1: your best mindset, doing your best job, being in your
Speaker 1: best relationship, having the best lifestyle. That doesn't mean it's
Speaker 1: all going to be perfect, of course, because nothing is
Speaker 1: perfect and no one is perfect. But what's required for
Speaker 1: you to live more optimally or more ideally, or more
Speaker 1: congruently or more authentically or more in alignment. You know,
Speaker 1: I believe that there needs to be a deep, deep, deep,
Speaker 1: deep internal revolution, not an external solution. A deep, deep
Speaker 1: internal revolution, not an external solution, because I have seen
Speaker 1: people with not much talent or potential or knowledge or
Speaker 1: resources or support. I have seen many people do fucking
Speaker 1: unbelievable things when they were one hundred percent committed to
Speaker 1: doing the work. Yep, you and I spoke with a
Speaker 1: lady yesterday who Marie who. I'm not sure the timeline
Speaker 1: of our episodes, but she'll either be up soon or
Speaker 1: she was on recently. By the time you guys hear this,
Speaker 1: I'd say she's probably been on recently. But she literally
Speaker 1: fell down a mountain four hundred and fifty meters and
Speaker 1: hit rocks all the way and was given no chance
Speaker 1: of survival. They basically went to retrieve her body. The
Speaker 1: rescue crew basically went just to collect a body. They
Speaker 1: got there and she wasn't dead, obviously, And you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, she pretty much broke everything in her body,
Speaker 1: you know, fifteen ribs, broke her spine, broke her neck,
Speaker 1: broke her pelvis, broke her foot, had her kidney, her liver,
Speaker 1: her lungs shut down. She was on eventilator, she was
Speaker 1: in a coma for a month and a half. She
Speaker 1: was good, you know. And now here's the thing. What's
Speaker 1: that skull? That's right skull? She had an internal brain hemorrhage,
Speaker 1: an external brain hemorrhage, a form of a stroke. And
Speaker 1: here's the thing, right, And we spoke to her as
Speaker 1: we're recording this, We spoke to her yesterday. And what
Speaker 1: this woman, what this fucking incredible, amazing, inspiring woman has
Speaker 1: been able to do because she has just tapped into
Speaker 1: this fucking reservoir of possibilities and potential that most of
Speaker 1: us don't tap into. She is not gifted, she said it.
Speaker 1: She's not genetically gifted. There's nothing special in inverted commas
Speaker 1: about her other than her thinking and her behaving, and
Speaker 1: all of that is optional. Now. I know this sounds melodramatic,
Speaker 1: but when I talk to people and they start to
Speaker 1: complain about how hard their life is, I want them
Speaker 1: to sit down with Marie and you can go, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's all relative. Maybe maybe, but guess what we're
Speaker 1: all Where is our relative? Where does our reality come from.
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about our situation, circumstance, environment, I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about our external world. I'm talking about our internal reality.
Speaker 1: It comes largely from our stories. And if our story
Speaker 1: is I deserve this piece of cake or whatever. And
Speaker 1: by the way, I'm not anti cake or pizza. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying, whatever your issue is, you need to apply
Speaker 1: this principle or you don't need to do anything. But
Speaker 1: I'm talking about applying these ideas and principles to your challenge.
Speaker 1: It might have nothing to do with food or your body.
Speaker 1: It could be something else. But what I know, and
Speaker 1: I've seen it time and time again, like with Johnny
Speaker 1: that got blown up, with my old man that had
Speaker 1: a heart attack and died three times, like with Marie
Speaker 1: that fell down a mountain, that normal people can do
Speaker 1: fucking incredible things when they have a story in their
Speaker 1: mind that says, oh, this is not optional anymore. This
Speaker 1: is not something I'm going to do if I'm inspired
Speaker 1: or motivatd This is something that I'm going to do.
Speaker 1: That thing that I used to do, I don't do
Speaker 1: that anymore. I don't do that anymore. This is my
Speaker 1: new normal. This is not only is this my new normal.
Speaker 1: I don't have a choice. Now I can't do the
Speaker 1: things I used to do. I literally can't do the
Speaker 1: things I used to do. So now I have to
Speaker 1: adjust and adapt to build this new life. And what
Speaker 1: I have said many times is we see what happens
Speaker 1: when people are backed into a corner through medical reasons
Speaker 1: or some kind of life threatening experience or some kind
Speaker 1: of catastrophe. We see repeatedly people who have not been
Speaker 1: able to do certain things turn their habits, thinking, life,
Speaker 1: and behaviors around almost in a day because they had
Speaker 1: an experience. So what that tells us is that ability
Speaker 1: was always there. What happened in the experience, Well, what
Speaker 1: happened was there was a complete shift in thinking. Hmm.
Speaker 1: Because the mind is the driver. The mind is the driver.
Speaker 1: Somebody said to me yesterday, how are you going with
Speaker 1: your PhD? And I went, yeah, you know, it's it's
Speaker 1: it's work, you know, And they're like, do you regret
Speaker 1: starting it? I went no, and they went is it
Speaker 1: as hard as you thought it would be? And I
Speaker 1: went harder? And I thought it would be hard. And
Speaker 1: they're like, if if you were going to start, like
Speaker 1: if you didn't have it and you got the up.
Speaker 1: Would you if you started again? Like, would you do
Speaker 1: it again? I got one hundred percent? You know, And
Speaker 1: so like I I'm constantly learning new things. And I'm
Speaker 1: constantly and it's not even about my area of research
Speaker 1: that I'm learning so much. I'm learning, of course because
Speaker 1: I'm studying and I'm doing a literature review with lots
Speaker 1: of other kind of insecting psychological theories and constructs and
Speaker 1: how they interact or intersect or relate to my stuff.
Speaker 1: All that, all the psychology. That's cool, that's relatively interesting, sorry,
Speaker 1: relatively easy. It's very interesting. It's relatively easy. But what's
Speaker 1: hard for me is learning how to load one hundred
Speaker 1: surveys into qualtrics and learn all of these programs and
Speaker 1: all of this technology and learn how to do you know,
Speaker 1: it's the because I'm fifty seven and not twenty seven.
Speaker 1: It's all the technology and all the stuff that you know,
Speaker 1: Like even last time I studied at university was twenty
Speaker 1: years ago, and that you know, there were still computers around,
Speaker 1: but it was still very I mean we still literally
Speaker 1: had a library full of books. Where I am there's
Speaker 1: no library, there are no books, no physical library there's
Speaker 1: not Oh, let's walk into the because nobody uses them,
Speaker 1: not where I'm at anyway, not not at PhD level.
Speaker 1: It's all online academic journals. You know, it's different. But
Speaker 1: I think once you go, And by the way, could
Speaker 1: I fuck up and fail? I could? I hope I don't.
Speaker 1: But I'm practical. I go, Well, of course it's hard.
Speaker 1: It's a fucking PhD. Of course it's hard. Of Course
Speaker 1: you're tired. Of Course it sucks. Of course, it's long hours.
Speaker 1: Of course, it's a massive commitment. You're not doing a
Speaker 1: fucking you know, you're not doing a four week tafe
Speaker 1: course in fucking cake making. God bless all the cake makers.
Speaker 1: You know. It's like, this is what you took on,
Speaker 1: you fucking idiot. So that's what's required. Don't complain. So
Speaker 1: I don't complain. I just but if someone says to me,
Speaker 1: is it hard, I'll tell them the truth. Yeah. Is
Speaker 1: it exhausting? Yep? You know. Would you do it again? Yep?
Speaker 1: And you know why I do it again because one,
Speaker 1: in a weird way, it is fun in a weird way,
Speaker 1: I kind of sometimes pain is fun, you know, but
Speaker 1: also what it's doing is it's I'm developing new skills,
Speaker 1: I'm learning a new language. I'm you know, it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, if you break your life into pretend your
Speaker 1: life as a whole bunch of rooms, you know, it's
Speaker 1: just your life is a composite of different rooms. And
Speaker 1: one room you go in and there's your family. There's
Speaker 1: your mum and dad, Melissa, and your sister and your
Speaker 1: brother in Laura and Hugo and what's her name, the
Speaker 1: little one, not Hugo, don't tell me. It's Olivia and Alexander. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And you know, that's one room. And then you go
Speaker 1: to another room and there's work, and then you go
Speaker 1: to another room. And you know, depending on where you're at,
Speaker 1: you kind of you have different levels of experience or
Speaker 1: different kinds of experience. So, for example, when I come
Speaker 1: into the podcast room, which is one of the rooms
Speaker 1: in the house, that is my life. You know, it's fun,
Speaker 1: it's enjoyable, there's a level, there's a level of confidence
Speaker 1: and competence because I've done this many, many, many many times,
Speaker 1: and before that, I did a lot of radio, and
Speaker 1: so I come in here and as objective as I
Speaker 1: can be, I go, I'm not bad at this I'm
Speaker 1: okay at this, this is what I do. But then
Speaker 1: I walk into the PhD room in my life and
Speaker 1: I'm like fucking l plates on and training wheels and
Speaker 1: falling down and getting up and bumping into things and
Speaker 1: asking dumb questions. But that's the room that I'm in
Speaker 1: when I'm doing academia. Then I go into the public
Speaker 1: speaking room that is part of my life. I go,
Speaker 1: I'm not bad here either. I've done this a lot.
Speaker 1: I'm okay, you know. Then I go into the you know,
Speaker 1: the managing my body room, and you know bits of that.
Speaker 1: There are different cupboards in that room. There's the exercise cupboard,
Speaker 1: there's the food cupboard, there's the lifestyle cupboard. So even
Speaker 1: in that room, there are sub rooms, you know. And
Speaker 1: this is the thing, Like what we do is we
Speaker 1: tend to stay in the rooms where we're most comfortable.
Speaker 1: What the byproduct of that is we don't grow. The
Speaker 1: byproduct of that is when we get forced into another
Speaker 1: room where fucked because we never leave our own room.
Speaker 1: We love being safe and comfortable and familiar and predictable,
Speaker 1: and we love but this is the thing, like when
Speaker 1: you are stepping out of back to our topic, when
Speaker 1: you are stepping out of a behavioral program that doesn't work,
Speaker 1: or a habit that doesn't work, or a lifestyle that
Speaker 1: doesn't work, or a situation that doesn't work, you're stepping
Speaker 1: into new territory, and part of your brain will fight that.
Speaker 1: Part of your brain will fight that because your brain's like, fuck,
Speaker 1: we're not sure what's going on over here, so get fucked.
Speaker 1: Let's go back to the couch that we know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and also, all of a sudden, it's not as
Speaker 2: exciting as it seemed in your head when you were
Speaker 2: picturing it or thinking about it to begin with. In
Speaker 2: the reality of when you're trying to do whatever that
Speaker 2: task is and you're in today forty seven of an
Speaker 2: ongoing journey, it's nowhere near as fun.
Speaker 1: But that has to be done exactly. That's right then.
Speaker 1: And we've spoken many times about you know, the practical
Speaker 1: reality that motivation is temporary, and motivation is certainly valuable
Speaker 1: when it's there, but we know that some people stay
Speaker 1: motivated for three hours, some people three days, some three weeks,
Speaker 1: but nobody stays permanently motivated, like in that state of motivate,
Speaker 1: in that emotional that heightened emotional state of excitement anticipation.
Speaker 1: You know, nobody stays in that state permanently. People have
Speaker 1: peaks and troughs and good and bad days, and so
Speaker 1: we go, all right, well, let's acknowledge the impermanence of
Speaker 1: that state. Now, how do we create the permanence of
Speaker 1: this habit? How do we How do I the dude
Speaker 1: who starts and stops and who is or has been
Speaker 1: dependent on motivation to get there? How do I become?
Speaker 1: How do I discard that addiction? How do I discard
Speaker 1: that dependence? So if it's there, I'll use it because
Speaker 1: it's a great tool. But when it's not there, so,
Speaker 1: you know, becoming ungive upable is about how do I
Speaker 1: keep doing what I need to do to live my
Speaker 1: purpose or my values or my goals, or to create
Speaker 1: my optimal outcomes, or to be aligned to who I
Speaker 1: say I want to become. How do I do that
Speaker 1: when I can't be fucked? How do I do that
Speaker 1: when everyone else would give up? How do I do
Speaker 1: that when I would have given up in the past?
Speaker 1: How do I do that when I don't, in inverted
Speaker 1: commas want to in the moment? How do I do that?
Speaker 1: And this is why just trying a new pro doesn't
Speaker 1: work because it's about our default setting. It's about what's
Speaker 1: happening in us. You can do all the programs, and
Speaker 1: this is why some people get results on one program
Speaker 1: and other people don't get results on the same program,
Speaker 1: because if it was about the program, everyone would get
Speaker 1: the same outcome. It's about the individuals doing the program.
Speaker 1: You know. I might have mentioned this once before, but
Speaker 1: I read something the other day and it's in one
Speaker 1: of the groups that or I need to not get
Speaker 1: myself in trouble. But anyway, I'll just say it. Someone
Speaker 1: posted I don't know if I said this to you
Speaker 1: might have been tear four. I don't know. I can't
Speaker 1: remember all the shit I say, but anyway, it's worth repeating.
Speaker 1: So somebody was coming towards the end of their twelve
Speaker 1: weeks of Body Challenge program and they were doing their
Speaker 1: final photos and the caption was is it pizza o'clock yet? Oh?
Speaker 1: The caption wise, you know here in my final photos?
Speaker 1: Is it pizza o'clock yet? Right? So, and by the way,
Speaker 1: this person looked amazing. But isn't it funny that we
Speaker 1: do this temporary thing eighty four days and we look different,
Speaker 1: and we change our eating and we change our exercise,
Speaker 1: and we change our regime and our operating system, and
Speaker 1: we change, you know, what we're doing day to day.
Speaker 1: But the one thing that this person posts about is
Speaker 1: going and eating junk food. Now, wow, now I'm push right.
Speaker 1: And it's not about the pizza. It's about the thinking.
Speaker 1: It's about the why are you rewarding yourself with food
Speaker 1: that you avoided for the last eighty four days. Now
Speaker 1: you avoided that food for a reason. The reason is
Speaker 1: you wanted to change your body and how you looked
Speaker 1: and felt and functioned. And you did, and now you
Speaker 1: look good, and now you feel good, and now you're
Speaker 1: functioning well. And now you're rewarding yourself with that thing
Speaker 1: that is actually at odds with what you've been doing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, and this thinking this, I'm going to reward
Speaker 1: myself with shit that so fucking annoys me. If you
Speaker 1: want to eat shit, eat shit, but don't motivate yourself
Speaker 1: with an unhealthy goal or an unhealthy target. It makes
Speaker 1: no sense to me. But the problem is that we
Speaker 1: have a story, and the story is, yeah, but if
Speaker 1: I don't eat pizza, or if I don't eat cake,
Speaker 1: or if I don't drink boozel, then I'm missing out.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you pizza. By the way, can you
Speaker 1: have some pizza or booze or cake? Of course you can.
Speaker 1: I've never been against any of those things. When I
Speaker 1: talk about food, I'm always talking about the story, the
Speaker 1: story that we have about food, because the story opens
Speaker 1: the door on the problem. If the story is I'm
Speaker 1: rewarding myself with pizza because I haven't eaten pizza for
Speaker 1: eighty four days, that's a worry. Because if we said
Speaker 1: to that person who now looks amazing after eighty four days,
Speaker 1: would you like to look good for eighty four days
Speaker 1: or would you like to look good forever? They're going
Speaker 1: to say forever. Then I'm going to say, why are
Speaker 1: you opening the door on this thing that probably I
Speaker 1: don't know about this person, But most people who do
Speaker 1: these programs, including me, I don't do the programs, but
Speaker 1: I'm putting myself in this group. Most people have had
Speaker 1: or do have issues with food, issues with weight, issues
Speaker 1: with appearance. Right, and we know that managing ourselves around
Speaker 1: food that's not ideal is part of the problem. Right.
Speaker 1: And this is why I love and hate twelve week,
Speaker 1: ten week, eight week programs. It's why I love and
Speaker 1: hate them. Love them because they can be the beginning
Speaker 1: of something. They can be the start of something amazing
Speaker 1: and transformative. And their structure and process and accountability, which
Speaker 1: are all good things. There's camaraderie, which is good, there's
Speaker 1: social connection, which is good. But there's also this subconscious
Speaker 1: knowing that, oh, I'm finished in three weeks, I'm finished
Speaker 1: in two weeks, I'm finished in a week, I'm finished today.
Speaker 1: Is it pizza o'clock now? Right? And this is just
Speaker 1: the reality, and this is the problem. This is the problem.
Speaker 1: That food is not the problem. Our weight is not
Speaker 1: the problem. What the number between our toes is not
Speaker 1: the problem. Our health state is not the problem. They
Speaker 1: are all just the consequences of the problem. The problem
Speaker 1: is that we don't fully commit. The problem is that
Speaker 1: we give up. Call it what you will. We give up,
Speaker 1: we stop, We throw in the towel again, I said
Speaker 1: earlier in the show, is a time to stop. Oh
Speaker 1: you've got a medical issue, you've been advised not to,
Speaker 1: you're in pain. All good. They're not excuses and they're
Speaker 1: not giving up. They're legit reasons reasons are reasons tick,
Speaker 1: but excuses are not reasons. Bullshit stories are not reasons.
Speaker 1: And when I get people tell me, I would say
Speaker 1: two in ten it's a legit reason eight inten it's
Speaker 1: bullshit or it's a version of bullshit. And I know
Speaker 1: because I'm the biggest bullshitter. I spent the vast majority
Speaker 1: of myself lying, of my time of my life lying lying,
Speaker 1: and so I'm being honest about my lying. Did I
Speaker 1: lie to myself? Yes? Did I lie to other people
Speaker 1: about my own habits and behaviors? One hundred percent? I did.
Speaker 1: And it takes courage to say that because it's embarrassing
Speaker 1: and it's humiliating, But you know what else it is
Speaker 1: it's honest. It's honest. And I can get defensive and go,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, but you don't but fuck and you get
Speaker 1: fucked and you get rooted and you or I can
Speaker 1: go nah, there is I'm the problem. I'm the problem,
Speaker 1: not self loathing, just self awareness. I'm the problem. You
Speaker 1: know what, When I ate myself to one hundred and
Speaker 1: twenty kilos or thereabouts compared to my current eighty three,
Speaker 1: nobody had a gun to my head. I was I
Speaker 1: owned gyms. When I was doing that, I was an
Speaker 1: exercise scientist. For God's sake, I was a personal trainer.
Speaker 1: I was a gym owner. I was educated, I was intelligent.
Speaker 1: I had resources, I had information, I had access to
Speaker 1: everything that I needed, and I ate my way to obesity.
Speaker 1: Nobody's faults but me, Oh, you shouldn't be hating yourself.
Speaker 1: I'm not fucking hating myself. I'm telling the truth, like
Speaker 1: just the truth. There's no self loathing, just self awareness.
Speaker 1: And this is the problem. We're so fucking precious that
Speaker 1: nobody wants to own up to anything because they feel
Speaker 1: like they're hating themselves or someone else is going to
Speaker 1: go time. But you did your best, Bullshit, you fucking
Speaker 1: didn't do your best, because your best is your best
Speaker 1: is a better outcome. I didn't do my best hardly ever,
Speaker 1: and you know this is the thing. Of course, there
Speaker 1: are going to be times when you know when you
Speaker 1: are trying and it's not working. Of course I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about that, but I'm just going we need to
Speaker 1: get to the point where at some stage, and this
Speaker 1: is why I go around in circles and I go, hey,
Speaker 1: you go read whatever book you want, do whatever program
Speaker 1: you want, buy whatever pill, powder potion you want. Cool,
Speaker 1: and then in five years when you're in the same place,
Speaker 1: come back to me and let's have a chat. And
Speaker 1: by the way, I'm not the answer. And by the way,
Speaker 1: my podcast is not the answer. And by the way,
Speaker 1: my programs and books they're not the answer. They're just resources.
Speaker 1: And anyone who tells you that you are not the
Speaker 1: answer to your own problems, they're scamming you. They want
Speaker 1: your money, they want your dough. I'm telling you you,
Speaker 1: your brain, your choices, your resilience, your mental toughness, your attitude,
Speaker 1: your decision making, that is the solution. That is the solution.
Speaker 1: You are the solution. And until you maybe hit rock bottom,
Speaker 1: which I hope you don't need to, maybe you're not
Speaker 1: going to change. I'm telling you a lot of people
Speaker 1: don't change till they hit rock bottom. The other thing
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you is you don't need to
Speaker 1: hit rock bottom. So, folks, I love you. I'm on
Speaker 1: your team. I know I'm a hard ass. Sometimes I'm honest,
Speaker 1: and I'm you know, by the way, am I off
Speaker 1: and wrong? Fuck? I'm off and wrong? Could I be
Speaker 1: wrong about this or some of this maybe probably, But
Speaker 1: what I do know is that I've been in this
Speaker 1: space helping people change, working with bodies, bums, legs, mines, carbs, fat, protein, micros, macros, thinking, beliefs, values, attitudes, emotions, psychology.
Speaker 1: I've been working in this space for a very long
Speaker 1: time with thousands of people, and a common observation and
Speaker 1: a common experience of mine, is people who don't think
Speaker 1: enough of themselves, who don't believe in themselves, who are
Speaker 1: always looking for some external antidote. And it's just sometimes
Speaker 1: it's just our willingness to say, you know what, I've
Speaker 1: never really, really consistently done the work, and I'm going
Speaker 1: to do it, and i know it won't be fun,
Speaker 1: and I'm okay with that, and I'm sick and tired
Speaker 1: of being that person who's I'm just done. I don't
Speaker 1: want to be that. And it's not about having some
Speaker 1: big cathartic breakthrough or moments or revelation from on Hey, brothers, sisters,
Speaker 1: But it's just about you know, going, yeah, I hear
Speaker 1: your harps, I know what you're saying, you know, And
Speaker 1: if your next question is, yeah, but how do I well,
Speaker 1: my question to you is why won't you, because you
Speaker 1: know how, how how you change your life is you
Speaker 1: get up tomorrow and you don't do the same thing
Speaker 1: that you did today. That's how. You don't eat the
Speaker 1: way that you ate today. You don't move the way
Speaker 1: that you ate today. You don't you don't talk, you
Speaker 1: don't choose the way that you did today. If those
Speaker 1: things are relevant for you, we literally just start doing
Speaker 1: what is uncomfortable. That is generally step one. What's uncomfortable, Well,
Speaker 1: what's uncomfortable is stopping these ten things that I need
Speaker 1: to stop. Okay, stop or stop one and build on it,
Speaker 1: stop two, build on it and build up to the
Speaker 1: ten over time. Be honest, be brave, Be brutal with yourself,
Speaker 1: not brutal in a destructive, brutal in a healthy way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I am doing this. I am fucking up. It is me.
Speaker 1: Sure I want to blame people, and sure I want
Speaker 1: to go oh, but you don't stand my situation. I've
Speaker 1: got you know, I've got this work and this many
Speaker 1: kids and this back issue and all those things. And
Speaker 1: I get it, and I understand, and you have my sympathy.
Speaker 1: But guess what, there are lots of people with kids.
Speaker 1: There are lots of people with jobs. There are lots
Speaker 1: of people with shit genetics, there are lots of people
Speaker 1: in less than ideal situations. And while you have my compassion,
Speaker 1: that's probably not going to change in the next week
Speaker 1: or two. So what about wherever you are, however, Well,
Speaker 1: you can do it with whatever you've got available to you, time, energy, resources, knowledge, anything.
Speaker 1: Just start, Just start and put that get out a
Speaker 1: jail card, that safety net out of the picture. All right, team,
Speaker 1: there you have it. That is the director's cut. That
Speaker 1: is the slightly briefer version of ungive upable hope. There
Speaker 1: were some good takeaways for you, love you, got to
Speaker 1: see you next time.