1
00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:03,600
Speaker 1: Good a Groovers another installing the new projects. Hope you

2
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:07,320
Speaker 1: have the bloody great day. So I'm recording. I don't

3
00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:08,840
Speaker 1: know why I always tell you what I'm fuck it

4
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:10,959
Speaker 1: just so you know, so you know where I'm at.

5
00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:15,120
Speaker 1: So it's Monday, the ninth of the ninth, September the ninth,

6
00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:21,080
Speaker 1: and it's two eleven and yesterday I did a workshop

7
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:24,759
Speaker 1: which I spoke about in yesterday's podcast, yest day to

8
00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:27,480
Speaker 1: workshop in Melbs. We're going to take that all around Australia.

9
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,240
Speaker 1: We might becoming a Brisbane soon. I just spoke about

10
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,520
Speaker 1: that to Melissa just before. Might becoming a Brisbane soon

11
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,560
Speaker 1: to do that. We'll think about that anyway. So did it?

12
00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:40,240
Speaker 1: Workshop yesterday called Understanding You were Me and a whole

13
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:44,519
Speaker 1: bunch of people in an auditorium at Deacon University Slow Down, Harps.

14
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:48,240
Speaker 1: Me and a whole bunch of people at Deacon University

15
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:57,000
Speaker 1: opened the door on the topic of trying to understand ourselves,

16
00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:01,240
Speaker 1: kind of that self knowledge, self awareness, self for who

17
00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:04,680
Speaker 1: am I? How am I? Why do I think the

18
00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:08,400
Speaker 1: way that I think? Why do I make the decisions

19
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:11,679
Speaker 1: that I make? Why do I do the stuff that

20
00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,280
Speaker 1: I do? The good stuff the bad stuff, the dumb stuff?

21
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:21,440
Speaker 1: Am I living consciously? Am I living unconsciously? Do I

22
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:25,039
Speaker 1: do things which are at odds with who I want

23
00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:26,959
Speaker 1: to be and how I want to be? Am I

24
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:30,280
Speaker 1: living in alignment? What are my values? What are the

25
00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:35,800
Speaker 1: things that matter to me? And does my typical lifestyle

26
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,240
Speaker 1: and the way that I do everything from health and

27
00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:45,399
Speaker 1: wellness to communication, to career, to spending money to being

28
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:48,080
Speaker 1: a member of society does the way that I do

29
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:52,200
Speaker 1: all of those things typically represent or reflect who I

30
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:56,240
Speaker 1: want to be as a human. My values, my standards,

31
00:01:56,360 --> 00:02:00,600
Speaker 1: my purpose, all the shit that allegedly brothers and sisters

32
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:05,400
Speaker 1: allegedly matters to me. So we opened the door on

33
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:11,720
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. And for me, my experience and

34
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:18,360
Speaker 1: observation from a personal perspective, me analyzing me, which is

35
00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,880
Speaker 1: an interesting thing to do. But self awareness is kind

36
00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:24,880
Speaker 1: of my field, it's my PhD area of research. But

37
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:28,959
Speaker 1: you know, as an observer of other humans, also the

38
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:33,440
Speaker 1: ever present challenge of trying to understand why do I

39
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:36,080
Speaker 1: do the stuff that I do? And why am I

40
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,200
Speaker 1: Why am I self sabotaging? Why am I overthinking? Why

41
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:44,200
Speaker 1: am I underdoing? Why do I make decisions which are

42
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:51,639
Speaker 1: at odds with improvement and growth and development and all

43
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:55,000
Speaker 1: of that stuff is fascinating. You know, me talking today

44
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,600
Speaker 1: is not going to be a it's not going to

45
00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:01,960
Speaker 1: be a panacea or a three step solution. But I

46
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,880
Speaker 1: just want to keep opening the door on this topic

47
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:10,480
Speaker 1: because I believe that if we can understand ourselves better,

48
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:15,880
Speaker 1: understand our mind, understand our thinking, understand our emotions, understand

49
00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,720
Speaker 1: our actions and reactions, and understand the way that we

50
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,919
Speaker 1: are in the world and the way that we are

51
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,799
Speaker 1: for ourselves, but also the way that we are and

52
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:31,960
Speaker 1: aren't perhaps for others and around others. Now, pursuant to

53
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:36,000
Speaker 1: that desire, I said yesterday that I was going to

54
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:40,440
Speaker 1: share like a framework, which is really a synergy or

55
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:44,600
Speaker 1: a combination of a whole lot of thoughts and ideas

56
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:49,120
Speaker 1: from different people. I've added to it. I've put my

57
00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:56,520
Speaker 1: own little touch and insights and stories into it. But

58
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,440
Speaker 1: this is part of what I'm about to share. I

59
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:03,440
Speaker 1: shared the other day at my workshop, my Melbourne workshop.

60
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,600
Speaker 1: So it's like I said, it's Monday, so the other

61
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:09,360
Speaker 1: day being yesterday, and I said that I would unpack

62
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,960
Speaker 1: this further on my podcast. So for those of you

63
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,760
Speaker 1: who were there on Sunday, welcome back. This is me

64
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,760
Speaker 1: kind of finishing this off or recovering or reflecting on

65
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,480
Speaker 1: this for you and for those of you who weren't

66
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:25,279
Speaker 1: there on Sunday, this is kind of I guess it's

67
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:27,799
Speaker 1: like a framework or a model that you could use

68
00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:34,720
Speaker 1: to either start to be proactive and lean into this

69
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:40,520
Speaker 1: getting to know you, getting to understand the self capital

70
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:43,400
Speaker 1: s self that is in the middle of your life.

71
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,600
Speaker 1: It's so hard to be objective about ourselves, isn't it,

72
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:51,039
Speaker 1: Because we are us? Because my experience of me is subjective.

73
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:55,960
Speaker 1: Your experience of you is subjective. Your experience you the listener,

74
00:04:56,120 --> 00:05:00,920
Speaker 1: your experience of everything around you is some because you're

75
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:04,200
Speaker 1: looking through the U window. Through the U filter, you're

76
00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:08,559
Speaker 1: looking at every person, every event, and every situation, every

77
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,640
Speaker 1: problem and every opportunity through the lens. That is your

78
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:14,240
Speaker 1: beliefs and ideas and values and education and all of

79
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:19,080
Speaker 1: those things. As am I. So to truly to try

80
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:25,520
Speaker 1: to understand ourselves with a greater level of awareness with

81
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:30,440
Speaker 1: a through a somewhat more objective lens and a less

82
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:36,880
Speaker 1: subjective lens is the real challenge. So, without further ado,

83
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:43,040
Speaker 1: there's eight steps to this and I'm going to walk

84
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:44,520
Speaker 1: you through them. I'm going to explain to you what

85
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:52,640
Speaker 1: they are, and then I'm going to kind of operationalize it,

86
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:57,160
Speaker 1: or to put it into practice, using me and one

87
00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:01,480
Speaker 1: of my issues, one of my numerous issues as an

88
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:04,520
Speaker 1: example for you to understand how you might use what

89
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,400
Speaker 1: I'm about to teach you or share with you in

90
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:11,840
Speaker 1: a practical way. So there are eight steps. So I'll

91
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,839
Speaker 1: just share these eight with you now and then i'll

92
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,799
Speaker 1: unpack them in some detail. So number one is self reflection,

93
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:21,599
Speaker 1: Two is self awareness, three is self knowledge, four is

94
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:25,280
Speaker 1: self acceptance, five is self regulation, six is self improvement,

95
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:30,840
Speaker 1: seven is self actualization, and eight is self transcendence. All right,

96
00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:33,440
Speaker 1: here we go. So what is self reflection? This is

97
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,760
Speaker 1: more the education part. I'll give you a real and

98
00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:40,159
Speaker 1: of course, you know, I don't expect you to necessarily

99
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:43,800
Speaker 1: operationalize this today or even do anything with it. Maybe

100
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,520
Speaker 1: it's just for you something of interest, and it's going

101
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,440
Speaker 1: to be hard to remember all of this, but you

102
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:51,279
Speaker 1: might want to reply it at some stage and take

103
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,760
Speaker 1: notes just to get your head around it. But so

104
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:58,640
Speaker 1: stage one, self reflection is the practice of intentionally examining

105
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:04,160
Speaker 1: your relationships thoughts, motions, behaviors, experiences, beliefs, habits, patterns, and

106
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:09,000
Speaker 1: outcomes in order to gain a deeper understanding of yourself,

107
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:14,920
Speaker 1: of you. This stage is not about judgment, evaluation, or labels.

108
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:21,040
Speaker 1: It's just about curiosity and recognition in a way. This

109
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:25,200
Speaker 1: is about, as Eckhart Toll would say, this is about

110
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:29,640
Speaker 1: you becoming the observer of you. And this kind of

111
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:38,160
Speaker 1: the self reflection enables us to identify patterns and behaviors

112
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:45,480
Speaker 1: and traits that might be good or bad. That allows

113
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,880
Speaker 1: us to if we need to make different decisions, do

114
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:51,880
Speaker 1: different things and grow or move in a different direction.

115
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:55,960
Speaker 1: So that's self reflection. Number two is self awareness, which

116
00:07:56,000 --> 00:08:00,800
Speaker 1: is just the ability to recognize and understand what's going

117
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,920
Speaker 1: on with us and for us our thoughts, our emotions,

118
00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:09,920
Speaker 1: our drivers, our behaviors, sometimes those in the moment behaviors,

119
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:14,400
Speaker 1: and how all of that stuff affects both you, me

120
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:20,560
Speaker 1: and those around us. It involves being conscious of our

121
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:26,160
Speaker 1: internal states, feelings, motivations, thinking, desires, as well as being

122
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:30,640
Speaker 1: aware of how we're perceived by others in different situations.

123
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:36,479
Speaker 1: Remember that beta perception. Self awareness intersects with emotional intelligence

124
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:41,400
Speaker 1: and helps us manage our responses to situations, make better

125
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:46,200
Speaker 1: decisions or more informed decisions, and align our actions with

126
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:50,960
Speaker 1: our values. It allows us to identify areas or needs

127
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:55,679
Speaker 1: where we need to grow, where we need to learn, unlearn,

128
00:08:56,360 --> 00:09:05,840
Speaker 1: develop better relationships, navigate life with greater intentionality, consciously shaping

129
00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:11,360
Speaker 1: our life through this awareness. Number three, so self knowledge

130
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:17,800
Speaker 1: number three is the understanding of your own personality, values, belief, strengths, weaknesses, emotions,

131
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:22,680
Speaker 1: and motivations. This involves having a clear sense of who

132
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:27,040
Speaker 1: you are, what drives you, so your reason, your reason

133
00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:30,800
Speaker 1: for doing stuff, your motivator for doing stuff or motivators,

134
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:36,040
Speaker 1: and also to understand what matters to you, what is

135
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:39,880
Speaker 1: really important to you, what do you want from life?

136
00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:44,240
Speaker 1: And self knowledge goes beyond self awareness as it includes

137
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:48,640
Speaker 1: like a much deeper understanding of the self, not just

138
00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:52,959
Speaker 1: a momentary awareness, but a real deep comprehension of your

139
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:57,000
Speaker 1: inner workings, how you are and why you are the

140
00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:02,160
Speaker 1: way you are. Self acceptance, yes, number four, is the

141
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:09,360
Speaker 1: process of fully embracing and acknowledging all aspects of yourself,

142
00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:13,600
Speaker 1: both good and bad, strengths and weaknesses, without undue criticism

143
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:17,000
Speaker 1: or self loathing, while also knowing that you've got the

144
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:21,840
Speaker 1: capacity for growth, learning development, doing better, positive change. It

145
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:26,040
Speaker 1: means recognizing your imperfections, mistakes, and limitations, but not letting

146
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:32,200
Speaker 1: them define you, define your self worth or your perceived

147
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:38,000
Speaker 1: value instead of striving for an unrealistic version of perfection.

148
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:42,880
Speaker 1: Self acceptance is it's really about cultivating compassion and understanding

149
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:47,160
Speaker 1: for you, for yourself and accepting both the good stuff

150
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:51,120
Speaker 1: and the bad, your achievements, your strengths, your flaws as

151
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:57,240
Speaker 1: part of your unique identity. But also self acceptance is

152
00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:01,280
Speaker 1: not some people get this, or maybe this is some

153
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:07,839
Speaker 1: people's interpretation. It's not my interpretation that that self acceptance is, Oh,

154
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,080
Speaker 1: I'm terrible at that, I'll always be terrible at that.

155
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,439
Speaker 1: To me, that's self limitation, but it is it is

156
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,560
Speaker 1: so for me. An example of self acceptance for me

157
00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:23,240
Speaker 1: would be there have been times where I've intended one thing,

158
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:25,920
Speaker 1: but I've done I've been offensive to people I never

159
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:30,880
Speaker 1: wanted to, or some people find me intimidating. I will

160
00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:34,880
Speaker 1: do my very best, that's just something I know. I'll

161
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:36,600
Speaker 1: do my best not to be that, but I have

162
00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:39,160
Speaker 1: to accept that there are certain people that won't like me.

163
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:40,920
Speaker 1: There are certain people don't like the way that I

164
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:45,120
Speaker 1: communicate that's okay. Nonetheless, I will strive to be the

165
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,800
Speaker 1: best version of me, so that, by the way, I

166
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:52,360
Speaker 1: will never create optimal connection with everyone, but I'm going

167
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,760
Speaker 1: to kind of aim for that, knowing that I'll never

168
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:58,240
Speaker 1: quite get there, but hopefully what I'll get is further

169
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,439
Speaker 1: down the line, closer to that end of the scale.

170
00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:05,760
Speaker 1: Number five is self regulation, and this is the ability

171
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:09,559
Speaker 1: to be able to manage and control our emotions, thoughts,

172
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:16,880
Speaker 1: and behaviors in different situations, to create positive shift, to

173
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:21,520
Speaker 1: improve our operating system in real times social outcomes, to

174
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:26,880
Speaker 1: build better habits, and to achieve long term goals. And

175
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,920
Speaker 1: also with self regulation is a big part of it,

176
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,840
Speaker 1: I believe, is being able to be able to perform

177
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:39,120
Speaker 1: under pressure, responding to challenges and impulses in a balanced,

178
00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:48,000
Speaker 1: thoughtful way rather than reacting poorly or emotionally. And like

179
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:51,079
Speaker 1: you know, the whole concept of equanimity is being able

180
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,240
Speaker 1: to be the calm and the chaos, And so for me,

181
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:58,000
Speaker 1: quite often self regulation means not saying something I'm thinking,

182
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:05,280
Speaker 1: you know, impulse can emotional management, being able to lean

183
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:10,080
Speaker 1: into that uncomfortable thing and just be there, be there

184
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:16,920
Speaker 1: without reacting inappropriately being able to delay gratification, being able

185
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:21,120
Speaker 1: to not talk when sometimes I really want to talk,

186
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:24,240
Speaker 1: but I have an awareness that it's not the right time,

187
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,240
Speaker 1: or it's not the right situation or the right person.

188
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:32,800
Speaker 1: So that self regulation number six is self improvement. So

189
00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:36,520
Speaker 1: I guess in the context of this conversation, self improvement

190
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:41,080
Speaker 1: just refers to the ongoing process of consciously working to

191
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:45,240
Speaker 1: be better. It's that process that I'm always in the

192
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:48,439
Speaker 1: middle of. You're always in the middle of to enhance

193
00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:53,840
Speaker 1: your knowledge and skills and behaviors and thinking and overall

194
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:59,400
Speaker 1: well being in a way that aligns with your values,

195
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:07,120
Speaker 1: your belief setting, constantly setting and resetting goals, making deliberate

196
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:15,160
Speaker 1: and conscious attempts to grow emotionally, mentally, sociologically, practically, physiologically,

197
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:19,280
Speaker 1: perhaps any area of your life where you seek to improve, learn, grow,

198
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:23,960
Speaker 1: evolve with that be better. This is the process, the process,

199
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:29,560
Speaker 1: and you know self help is self help is pretty

200
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:32,560
Speaker 1: much a product these days, but truly, at its core,

201
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,920
Speaker 1: self help or personal development, or in this example, self

202
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:43,040
Speaker 1: improvement is a practical process that we can put ourselves

203
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:47,240
Speaker 1: in the middle of. Daily number seven. We're getting there.

204
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:53,640
Speaker 1: Self actualization is the process of realizing and fulfilling our potential,

205
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:59,200
Speaker 1: perhaps not our absolute ten out of ten, but self

206
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,800
Speaker 1: actualization is where we're now starting to be where we

207
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:06,240
Speaker 1: wanted to be, achieve what we've been wanting to achieve,

208
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:10,240
Speaker 1: produce the results that we hope we would, and now

209
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:14,440
Speaker 1: we're doing it. We're actualizing the thing or things that

210
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:17,400
Speaker 1: we set out to do. It's getting to where we

211
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:23,160
Speaker 1: wanted to go in inverted commas, while still having other

212
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:27,480
Speaker 1: journeys ahead of us. I think most of us, you know,

213
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:35,080
Speaker 1: realize that that the final destination is death, but between

214
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,760
Speaker 1: now and then, you know it's going to be peaks

215
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:39,560
Speaker 1: and troughs, and we're going to get where we wanted

216
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:43,200
Speaker 1: to go, and hopefully there'll be some joy and satisfaction

217
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,120
Speaker 1: and sense of achievement in that, but there's always going

218
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:50,440
Speaker 1: to be something new. Now. That doesn't mean we can't

219
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,200
Speaker 1: take joy or we can't be super grateful for what

220
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:58,120
Speaker 1: we're achieving. But the self actualization part is I've done this,

221
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:01,720
Speaker 1: I've achieved this, I created this result. This is great.

222
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:07,040
Speaker 1: I'm full of gratitude, but also I need to keep

223
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,000
Speaker 1: growing and learning. There's more that I can do. But

224
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:15,480
Speaker 1: self actualization is a really important part of the overall journey.

225
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:22,080
Speaker 1: Self transcendence is number eight. This is almost my favorite

226
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:28,800
Speaker 1: part because or my favorite kind of concept, because for me,

227
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:32,080
Speaker 1: it's really about having a purpose bigger than me. It's

228
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:37,120
Speaker 1: about it's about not being all about me, and it's

229
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:43,640
Speaker 1: about serving others. I guess self transcendence can be considered

230
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:48,120
Speaker 1: almost like in this paradigm, while it's literally the final stage,

231
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:51,560
Speaker 1: but in terms of our own development, like the final

232
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:57,640
Speaker 1: stage where it involves going beyond personal fulfillment and takes

233
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:01,360
Speaker 1: us to that place where we focus on contributing to

234
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:06,600
Speaker 1: the greater good, connecting with a purpose larger than me,

235
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:13,080
Speaker 1: like humanity, like nature, like other people, the greater good.

236
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:17,920
Speaker 1: It's about shifting from individual growth to collective wellbeing, fostering

237
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:25,280
Speaker 1: compassion for others, altruism, and a sense of interconnectedness. And

238
00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:29,600
Speaker 1: I guess in this stage self transcendence, people often seek

239
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:33,399
Speaker 1: meaning through you know, something a bit more than self

240
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:37,800
Speaker 1: help and dollars and practical outcomes. Quite often this is

241
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:41,119
Speaker 1: where people open the spiritual door in an attempt to

242
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:46,199
Speaker 1: you know, transcend just all that normal nuts and bolts

243
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:51,800
Speaker 1: of ticking boxes and fulfilling to do lists and reaching goals,

244
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:56,639
Speaker 1: and it's kind of it represents a broader, more outward

245
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,680
Speaker 1: focused way of living where the individual you me in

246
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:03,960
Speaker 1: the middle love it all. We find meaning, We find

247
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:10,000
Speaker 1: joy in being part of something bigger than ourselves, in

248
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:14,680
Speaker 1: contributing to the greater good, that is those in our world,

249
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:18,360
Speaker 1: be that our immediate world or the greater world. All right,

250
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:22,199
Speaker 1: So that wraps up a kind of an overview of

251
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,560
Speaker 1: all of those. So what I'm going to do to

252
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:28,080
Speaker 1: finish this off is I'm going to I'm going to

253
00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:33,720
Speaker 1: give your practical example working through those eight constructs, all

254
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:40,920
Speaker 1: those eight components that process. So number one, remember number

255
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,000
Speaker 1: one was self reflection, and so I'm going to use

256
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,680
Speaker 1: a and this is the start of the eighth steps,

257
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:51,480
Speaker 1: So self reflection. So the reflection for this example is

258
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:54,200
Speaker 1: and I'm going to refer this. I'm going to use

259
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,520
Speaker 1: me as an example, so no one else gets offended.

260
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,480
Speaker 1: And then you can you can use whatever a kind

261
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:06,600
Speaker 1: of idea or subject or topic or issue or question

262
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:11,400
Speaker 1: to be the genesis for your eight steps. So self reflection.

263
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,840
Speaker 1: What am I like? So this is what I'm focusing

264
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:19,639
Speaker 1: on for this example. What am I like around others?

265
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:24,000
Speaker 1: What am I like around others? How am I around others?

266
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:28,240
Speaker 1: And by how am I? I mean professionally and personally

267
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:34,200
Speaker 1: and emotionally and socially and energetically. Notice how some people

268
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,840
Speaker 1: have got great energy and you want to be around them.

269
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 1: I love that. I love that, and it's almost inexplicable,

270
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:41,960
Speaker 1: like what is that about? I don't know. There's something

271
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,120
Speaker 1: about that person. They have amazing energy. I love being

272
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:48,840
Speaker 1: around them. So self reflection. The starting point for these

273
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:52,560
Speaker 1: eight steps is what am I like? Number two self awareness?

274
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,679
Speaker 1: So this is me talking about me, and this is

275
00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:01,480
Speaker 1: all an honest reflection. Self awareness times and this has

276
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:05,560
Speaker 1: been when I say a self reflection, this has been

277
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:09,080
Speaker 1: true for much of my journey. Over time, I feel

278
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:13,440
Speaker 1: like I'm transcending or at least improving some of it. So,

279
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,400
Speaker 1: but definitely all of what I'm about to share has

280
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:20,760
Speaker 1: been relevant for me. If not now, then definitely at

281
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:24,320
Speaker 1: some stage. But much of it's still relevant now. Self

282
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:29,360
Speaker 1: awareness Step two. Here's my self awareness. Sometimes I try

283
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:34,360
Speaker 1: to impress people, which is ironically unimpressive. Sometimes self awareness

284
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:41,200
Speaker 1: I overtalk and under listen. Sometimes self awareness what I'm

285
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:47,880
Speaker 1: doing isn't working. Self awareness. Sometimes I can be intimidating.

286
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:52,560
Speaker 1: Someone said to me the other day we were talking

287
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:56,960
Speaker 1: and I may have been overloading them with information may

288
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,840
Speaker 1: or may not have your honor, And they just looked

289
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:04,639
Speaker 1: at and they went, you're a lot, You're a lot.

290
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,119
Speaker 1: And I laughed, I when I am a lot. And

291
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 1: then they said, in a good way, it's awesome, but

292
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:14,600
Speaker 1: fuck you know. And I know that about me, And

293
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:21,200
Speaker 1: sometimes I get excited, and sometimes sometimes in my excitement

294
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,399
Speaker 1: to share, to teach, to inspire to coach, I actually

295
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:29,800
Speaker 1: missed the mark. So Number one self reflection is what

296
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,119
Speaker 1: am I like? Number two self awareness I just shared

297
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,280
Speaker 1: with you. Number three self knowledge? So what do I

298
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:39,080
Speaker 1: know about me? Based on that initial reflection? What I

299
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 1: know self knowledge. I can be insecure, which impacts how

300
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:47,520
Speaker 1: I am socially. Self knowledge. I periodically suffer from imposter syndrome.

301
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:52,360
Speaker 1: Self knowledge. I have historically felt not smart enough at times.

302
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,639
Speaker 1: Self knowledge. What I know is, which is reflecting on

303
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,399
Speaker 1: self awareness. I can be intimidating. What I know is

304
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:05,040
Speaker 1: I don't want to be intimidating self knowledge. How I

305
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:08,640
Speaker 1: see me, how I see me is typically not how

306
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:13,480
Speaker 1: others see me. Urgo the impetus for my PhD research,

307
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 1: self knowledge. Sometimes I bang on about stuff that excites

308
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 1: me as I shared a minute ago, but not the

309
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:32,199
Speaker 1: other person. Step four is self acceptance. Self acceptance. Some

310
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 1: people won't like me and some will, and that's okay.

311
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 1: Self acceptance. My good intentions won't always have good outcomes.

312
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:50,320
Speaker 1: Also okay, kind of unavoidable. Self acceptance. I'm flawed, but

313
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,600
Speaker 1: I will work hard to improve, grow, learn and do

314
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:58,680
Speaker 1: good in the world. Self acceptance. I've made many mistakes

315
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 1: when interacting with others, and I'll probably make lots more.

316
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 1: Self acceptance. I'm not always a great person to be around,

317
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:14,760
Speaker 1: but I can work to do better. Self acceptance. I

318
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:20,200
Speaker 1: will always coexist with my issues. And while the volume

319
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:23,960
Speaker 1: might go up or down on those issues self doubt, insecurity,

320
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:27,840
Speaker 1: overthinking all that human staff and why. While I might

321
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,280
Speaker 1: be more or less impacted generally less these days, which

322
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,919
Speaker 1: is good, there's always going to be an element of

323
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:39,399
Speaker 1: that stuff on Planet Craig, and so the acceptance part

324
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 1: is it's there. That's okay. I will coexist with my

325
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:46,399
Speaker 1: self doubt. I will co exist with those feelings of

326
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 1: inadequacy periodically, and insecurity it's okay. I don't need to

327
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:56,480
Speaker 1: wait for all but all the inadequacy and insecurity and

328
00:23:56,560 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 1: fear to vanish because it won't can coexist with that

329
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:06,680
Speaker 1: number five self regulation. Remember the starting point for this

330
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:11,800
Speaker 1: was self reflection. What am I like for others? Self regulation?

331
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:17,120
Speaker 1: I will work hard to develop theory of mind. Remember,

332
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,880
Speaker 1: theory of mind is a construct in psychology that means

333
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:25,200
Speaker 1: understanding how other people think. So I will work hard

334
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:30,679
Speaker 1: to understand how other people think. This is an interpersonal superpower,

335
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 1: this skill. I will work hard to understand how this

336
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:41,120
Speaker 1: moment is for the other person with whom I'm connecting, talking, interacting,

337
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 1: problem solving, creating, whatever it is. We're on number five

338
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 1: self regulation self regulation. I will listen more and work

339
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:55,120
Speaker 1: to be truly present when I'm in conversation, consultation, or

340
00:24:55,200 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 1: any kind of personal or professional interaction. I will consciously

341
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 1: endeavor to develop metaperception and meta accuracy. Metaperception being my

342
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 1: ability to understand how I am for others, metaaccuracy, how

343
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 1: good I am at it. So I will seek to

344
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:18,679
Speaker 1: understand the Craig experience for my audience, be that an

345
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:22,480
Speaker 1: audience of one or ten thousand, on a podcast, whatever

346
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 1: it is, Because if I can understand the Craig experience

347
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:30,600
Speaker 1: for my audience. Then I can create better connection, better report.

348
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:35,040
Speaker 1: Self regulation Number five, we're on. I will seek first

349
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:39,399
Speaker 1: to understand and then to be understood. I'll seek first

350
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:43,160
Speaker 1: to understand the person in front of me. They're thinking,

351
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 1: their words, their intention, their reason, their motivation, why we're here,

352
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:53,240
Speaker 1: what they're really saying. Then once I kind of get

353
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:56,679
Speaker 1: some clarity around that, then I'm going to try to

354
00:25:56,720 --> 00:26:00,360
Speaker 1: get them to understand what I'm about. But first I'm

355
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,640
Speaker 1: all about them. And the last one under this kind

356
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 1: of heading of self regulation is I will not overtalk

357
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:14,640
Speaker 1: good luck without harps. Number six self improvement. As I said,

358
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,199
Speaker 1: this is the ongoing process, right, So self improvement, I

359
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 1: will fully commit to the ongoing process of consciously working

360
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:26,720
Speaker 1: to enhance my personal interactions, how I am for others,

361
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 1: my understanding of the personal persons in front of me,

362
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 1: my communication skills, my self awareness, my situational awareness, and

363
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:40,880
Speaker 1: my capacity for in the moment focus and attention. Well,

364
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:45,119
Speaker 1: that's a big one. That's self improvement. Self improvement. I

365
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:50,199
Speaker 1: will recognize my growth and evolution in this context. I

366
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 1: will recognize it, i will lean into it, and I'll

367
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 1: keep working on it. Self improvement. I will pay attention

368
00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:02,240
Speaker 1: to my data. You and I are always producing outcomes, results.

369
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:07,399
Speaker 1: What we're doing in relationships, with our training program, in

370
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,560
Speaker 1: the gym, with our diet, with our spending, with our career,

371
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:15,160
Speaker 1: with our study, with all of our endeavors, We're constantly

372
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 1: producing data. I'll pay attention to my data, to my results,

373
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:24,240
Speaker 1: to my outcomes, and I'll respond accordingly. I won't keep

374
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 1: doing what doesn't work. And the last one under the

375
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:31,679
Speaker 1: banner of self improven is I will have a greater

376
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 1: understanding of the Craig experience for others. I will have

377
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:41,080
Speaker 1: that I am having that. I've developed that over the

378
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:43,360
Speaker 1: last five, ten, fifteen years. I still have a way

379
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 1: to go, but I have way more insight into that

380
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:51,679
Speaker 1: through various mechanisms and processes and protocols, like, for example,

381
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:57,360
Speaker 1: feedback from other people, like reading what people write about

382
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:01,080
Speaker 1: my talks or my work workshops, or I did a

383
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 1: workshop yesterday. Obviously, as you know, we got some really

384
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:10,440
Speaker 1: beautiful feedback, which was nice. Sometimes I don't get amazing feedback.

385
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,920
Speaker 1: That's okay as well. I want to understand what it's

386
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 1: like being around me for others so that I can

387
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:19,160
Speaker 1: create the best connection and the best experience for others

388
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 1: that I can second. Last one is self actualization. Self actualization.

389
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 1: I am beginning to realize and fulfill my potential as

390
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:36,199
Speaker 1: a communicator, conversationalist, educator, coach, author and podcast Remember the

391
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:38,440
Speaker 1: starting point for all of this was what's it like

392
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:45,480
Speaker 1: being around me? Self actualization. I am becoming the best

393
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 1: version of me in this space self actualization. I'm creating

394
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:54,480
Speaker 1: better social outcomes for both me and others, myself and others.

395
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 1: Self actualization. Some people enjoy being around me. That's a

396
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:05,160
Speaker 1: good thing. Self actualization. I'm less fearful, needy, and insecure

397
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:10,200
Speaker 1: in front of people. Self actualization. I'm becoming more person

398
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 1: and less persona. That is I think at this stage

399
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:18,920
Speaker 1: my journey, thank God, I should be. But I believe

400
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:23,200
Speaker 1: that I'm more authentically me, more raw, more real, more

401
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:27,560
Speaker 1: more almost private me in a public setting than I've

402
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 1: ever been, and that's what I want to be. My

403
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,960
Speaker 1: goal is zero persona. I don't want to be a

404
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:36,240
Speaker 1: version of me for an audience. I don't want to

405
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 1: be a version of me or you. I want to

406
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 1: be me, and if you like me, you like me.

407
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 1: If you don't, you don't if you're inspired or disappointed

408
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 1: or frustrated or fucking entertained, it is what it is,

409
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:51,800
Speaker 1: and that's okay. But the closer that I am to

410
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 1: my private self remember public personal private secrets, the closer

411
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 1: that I am to that kind of what is generally

412
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 1: that version of you that's reserved for one or two.

413
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 1: My goal is to be that version of myself for

414
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,920
Speaker 1: most people most of the time. To keep that door open,

415
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 1: to be vulnerable, to be to be okay with embarrassment,

416
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 1: to be okay with flaws and faults, to be okay

417
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 1: with looking stupid, as well as all the good stuff.

418
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:31,360
Speaker 1: And the last one in terms of my example, so

419
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:36,080
Speaker 1: self transcendence. Remember the starting point for this whole kind

420
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:38,960
Speaker 1: of little protocol with self reflection, What am I like

421
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 1: to be around for others self transcendence. I will use

422
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 1: my skills, knowledge and energy to serve others self transcendence.

423
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 1: I will have an awareness and purpose bigger than me

424
00:30:54,920 --> 00:31:00,480
Speaker 1: self transcendence. I will help others succeed self trans sentence.

425
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:04,040
Speaker 1: I will seek to understand the genius, wisdom, and guidance

426
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 1: that exists beyond the tininess of my mind. My understanding

427
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 1: and my version of reality. What does that mean? That

428
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:16,640
Speaker 1: means that there's the there's the knowledge, the intellect, the wisdom,

429
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 1: the small amount of genius that lives in my mind.

430
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 1: But then there's all the rest. There's all of the

431
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:30,520
Speaker 1: rest of the genius, wisdom, intellect, guidance that exists in

432
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:35,040
Speaker 1: the universe beyond the very small parameters of my mind,

433
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 1: and I want to tap into that and the last

434
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:41,560
Speaker 1: one self transcendence. I will strive to operate from a

435
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:48,280
Speaker 1: platform of love, kindness, gratitude, and humility towards others. Now,

436
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 1: obviously all of this is all of what I just

437
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 1: shared with you. For me is true in that that's

438
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:57,720
Speaker 1: who I try to be and how I try to be.

439
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,560
Speaker 1: Obviously I don't nail that all of the time. But

440
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 1: I just think that this this idea of or this

441
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 1: framework of you know, being able to try to understand

442
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 1: ourselves with this you methodical kind of approach. I'm not

443
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 1: the most methodical guy or protocol driven guy a lot

444
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 1: of the time, but I think that this might might

445
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 1: be a nice framework for some of you to use

446
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 1: or not. Uh, you'll know, all right, team, love your guts,

447
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 1: see y