1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:13,361 Speaker 1: Appologie production an easier advice. Are you okay what happened? 2 00:00:14,001 --> 00:00:15,321 Speaker 2: Promise it won't be too much. 3 00:00:16,041 --> 00:00:16,521 Speaker 1: Bring it in. 4 00:00:17,921 --> 00:00:26,201 Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment. This is the place for you. 5 00:00:27,281 --> 00:00:29,161 Speaker 2: Welcome back to the favorite Han of the Week, which 6 00:00:29,201 --> 00:00:30,401 Speaker 2: is our Bestie segment. 7 00:00:30,561 --> 00:00:32,521 Speaker 1: We have a lot of friendship things come in. We 8 00:00:32,601 --> 00:00:34,601 Speaker 1: do a lot of friendship submissions, so I think this 9 00:00:34,641 --> 00:00:37,081 Speaker 1: would be really relatable for anyone that's going through something similar. 10 00:00:37,601 --> 00:00:40,641 Speaker 1: All Right, I had a twelve year friendship which ended suddenly. 11 00:00:40,801 --> 00:00:43,081 Speaker 1: We both said negative and hurtful things to each other 12 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,881 Speaker 1: at the time the friendship ended, and we haven't spoken 13 00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:48,840 Speaker 1: in two and a half years. Since this breakdown, I've 14 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,760 Speaker 1: been in my self development journey and have become a 15 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:53,001 Speaker 1: lot more self aware, and at the start of this year, 16 00:00:53,081 --> 00:00:54,761 Speaker 1: I have felt a pull to knock on her door 17 00:00:54,801 --> 00:00:56,761 Speaker 1: and say, hey, do you have a few minutes to chat? 18 00:00:57,001 --> 00:00:58,520 Speaker 1: And I just wanted to say sorry for all the 19 00:00:58,561 --> 00:01:01,000 Speaker 1: things I said on my behalf and take responsibility for that. 20 00:01:01,481 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 1: An amen, that's amazing. 21 00:01:02,721 --> 00:01:03,321 Speaker 2: I love that. 22 00:01:03,441 --> 00:01:06,801 Speaker 1: Good on your babe about reconnecting if that's not what 23 00:01:06,921 --> 00:01:09,481 Speaker 1: she wants. But I've been thinking about wanting to apologize 24 00:01:09,481 --> 00:01:11,360 Speaker 1: probably four to five times this year it's come up 25 00:01:11,401 --> 00:01:13,881 Speaker 1: in my mind. Fast forward to now. We've just put 26 00:01:13,881 --> 00:01:15,761 Speaker 1: out Forever home and move in a month, and I 27 00:01:15,801 --> 00:01:17,601 Speaker 1: looked at the location and thought, wow, I think it's 28 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,481 Speaker 1: close to her house. I put both addresses in the map, 29 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,481 Speaker 1: and we'll be living one hundred and eighty meters from 30 00:01:22,481 --> 00:01:26,080 Speaker 1: each other. Wow goals. Honestly, I know living in the 31 00:01:26,081 --> 00:01:28,001 Speaker 1: area that we were running to each other most days. 32 00:01:28,041 --> 00:01:29,441 Speaker 1: I didn't want it to be awkward, and I just 33 00:01:29,521 --> 00:01:32,601 Speaker 1: want things to be amicable. I also would not give 34 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,280 Speaker 1: up this house because of how close it will be 35 00:01:34,321 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 1: to her. But my question is is it the right 36 00:01:36,681 --> 00:01:38,281 Speaker 1: thing to do once we're in the house to go 37 00:01:38,321 --> 00:01:39,801 Speaker 1: for a short walk and knock on her door and 38 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,441 Speaker 1: ask if she's up for a chat to talk things 39 00:01:41,481 --> 00:01:44,121 Speaker 1: out and apologize for the things I said? Obviously it 40 00:01:44,161 --> 00:01:46,360 Speaker 1: was both ways, and she said negative and hurtful things 41 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:48,841 Speaker 1: to me too. However, I can only control me and 42 00:01:48,841 --> 00:01:51,281 Speaker 1: take ownership for the things I said, and hope that 43 00:01:51,321 --> 00:01:52,801 Speaker 1: when and if we do see each other that it 44 00:01:52,841 --> 00:01:55,721 Speaker 1: can be amicable. I feel this pool to apologize and 45 00:01:55,761 --> 00:01:58,081 Speaker 1: be amicable has constantly been coming up for me in 46 00:01:58,081 --> 00:02:00,001 Speaker 1: preparation for the move to this house. It's just coming 47 00:02:00,081 --> 00:02:01,881 Speaker 1: up in the next few weeks. Thank you so much 48 00:02:01,881 --> 00:02:05,401 Speaker 1: for your advice. Ladies, Ah love, they're so frigging much, 49 00:02:05,441 --> 00:02:07,961 Speaker 1: the self awareness and the growth. And you know what, 50 00:02:08,081 --> 00:02:11,401 Speaker 1: holding onto anger and resentment all it does is like 51 00:02:11,641 --> 00:02:14,641 Speaker 1: keep you stuck, keep you angry, keeps you in a 52 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,441 Speaker 1: low vibration. So I think it's so beautiful that you 53 00:02:17,481 --> 00:02:19,881 Speaker 1: want to do this, and I think one hundred percent, yeah, yeah, 54 00:02:20,601 --> 00:02:22,721 Speaker 1: maybe it would be a good idea to send her 55 00:02:22,841 --> 00:02:25,120 Speaker 1: a message rather than just knocking on her door. I 56 00:02:25,161 --> 00:02:27,281 Speaker 1: don't know her personality, but some people can be a 57 00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 1: bit taken back and she might be a bit overwhelmed. Yes, 58 00:02:30,041 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 1: so could be a good idea to be like, hey, 59 00:02:31,561 --> 00:02:34,161 Speaker 1: we haven't spoken, and you know, however long m I've 60 00:02:34,201 --> 00:02:36,201 Speaker 1: been reflecting so much lately, and I really would love 61 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,960 Speaker 1: to apologize to you. We're actually living down the road 62 00:02:39,001 --> 00:02:41,001 Speaker 1: from you. Do you think you'd be open for a chat? 63 00:02:41,481 --> 00:02:43,601 Speaker 1: Maybe a message could be nice, But I'm just want 64 00:02:43,601 --> 00:02:46,201 Speaker 1: to commend you on doing that. Yeah, it's absolutely incredible. 65 00:02:46,281 --> 00:02:48,441 Speaker 2: It's so nice, and I think it's such a cool 66 00:02:48,481 --> 00:02:50,561 Speaker 2: place that you're in. I truly believe this happens to 67 00:02:50,601 --> 00:02:53,001 Speaker 2: everyone at some point, like everyone on their own timeline. 68 00:02:53,081 --> 00:02:55,041 Speaker 2: Like even if you've always said this, I just I 69 00:02:55,081 --> 00:02:56,601 Speaker 2: truly believe in it because I've seen it and I've 70 00:02:56,641 --> 00:02:59,240 Speaker 2: also been through it myself where there have been times 71 00:02:59,281 --> 00:03:01,281 Speaker 2: where you know, you have a falling out with somebody 72 00:03:01,321 --> 00:03:03,321 Speaker 2: and then you know a year later, you'll reflect on 73 00:03:03,321 --> 00:03:04,761 Speaker 2: it finally and you'll be like, oh my gosh, you 74 00:03:04,761 --> 00:03:06,601 Speaker 2: know what, that's not the person that I am now, 75 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,800 Speaker 2: and I want to show up as the version of 76 00:03:08,841 --> 00:03:11,601 Speaker 2: myself that I'm choosing to be today. So one amazing 77 00:03:11,601 --> 00:03:14,321 Speaker 2: that you're one willing to take accountability. And two if 78 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,161 Speaker 2: you feel the pool like there's a reason for that, 79 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,761 Speaker 2: there's some kind of thing that you need to smooth 80 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,801 Speaker 2: over all that you need to come to in yourself, 81 00:03:20,841 --> 00:03:23,560 Speaker 2: that's cle you. Yeah, to close the emotional loob that's 82 00:03:23,601 --> 00:03:26,801 Speaker 2: telling you go and apologize, take ownership for your behavior. 83 00:03:27,001 --> 00:03:29,921 Speaker 2: You know, as much as you've shown up in that relationship, 84 00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:32,561 Speaker 2: Take accountability for your part, leave what's hers to take 85 00:03:32,561 --> 00:03:35,001 Speaker 2: accountability for, and then like you can close the chapter 86 00:03:35,041 --> 00:03:36,801 Speaker 2: and hopefully it does end amicably in the way that 87 00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 2: you want. 88 00:03:37,321 --> 00:03:39,161 Speaker 1: So nice, And I also love that you said it's 89 00:03:39,161 --> 00:03:41,121 Speaker 1: not about reconnecting, and you might and that might be 90 00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:43,961 Speaker 1: beautiful as well. Sometimes friendships go on different paths, and 91 00:03:44,001 --> 00:03:46,201 Speaker 1: I believe if you meant to come back together, you will. Yeah, 92 00:03:46,241 --> 00:03:48,601 Speaker 1: But also just going in with zero expectations because you 93 00:03:48,601 --> 00:03:50,401 Speaker 1: don't know where she's at. She might not have had 94 00:03:50,401 --> 00:03:53,241 Speaker 1: the space and capacity or put any energy into growing 95 00:03:53,281 --> 00:03:55,681 Speaker 1: and reflecting, so she might still be feeling really hurt 96 00:03:55,721 --> 00:03:57,961 Speaker 1: and angry and in her own timeline to go in 97 00:03:57,961 --> 00:04:00,441 Speaker 1: there with no expectations. But I think we can always 98 00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:02,561 Speaker 1: clean up our own lanes. And there's always two to tango. 99 00:04:02,641 --> 00:04:04,921 Speaker 1: There's always two sides of the story. Absolutely, both sides 100 00:04:05,121 --> 00:04:07,481 Speaker 1: only pretty true. What you've experienced, what you've felt in 101 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,801 Speaker 1: that moment is true. But I think this is really 102 00:04:09,841 --> 00:04:11,521 Speaker 1: beautiful and I'm so glad you brought this in because 103 00:04:11,561 --> 00:04:13,841 Speaker 1: I hope it inspires and leads other people to go, 104 00:04:13,961 --> 00:04:16,201 Speaker 1: oh shit, Maybe I could say sorry, yeah, you know, 105 00:04:16,241 --> 00:04:18,401 Speaker 1: where did I take part in that relationship as well. 106 00:04:18,641 --> 00:04:20,801 Speaker 2: I do like what you said though about sending the message. 107 00:04:20,881 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 2: I think sending messages gives people time to sit with 108 00:04:23,641 --> 00:04:26,321 Speaker 2: what is being said, especially if it was something that 109 00:04:26,401 --> 00:04:29,041 Speaker 2: was hurtful or Friendship breakdowns can be really confronting. For 110 00:04:29,081 --> 00:04:30,361 Speaker 2: a lot of people, I know they are. For me, 111 00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:33,241 Speaker 2: it's a lot. It takes a lot of emotional capacity 112 00:04:33,281 --> 00:04:36,161 Speaker 2: to maturity those you know, so to be able to 113 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,440 Speaker 2: sit with it. Give her time to process it. Maybe 114 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,841 Speaker 2: she needs twenty four hours to even respond to the message. 115 00:04:41,121 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 2: Allow her that time. And even if you just come 116 00:04:43,481 --> 00:04:45,681 Speaker 2: into it with a hey, I want to ask permission, 117 00:04:45,761 --> 00:04:48,481 Speaker 2: is this okay to open this conversation up? But like, 118 00:04:48,481 --> 00:04:49,760 Speaker 2: there's a few things I want to get off my 119 00:04:49,841 --> 00:04:52,721 Speaker 2: chest about what happened way back when. And you can 120 00:04:52,761 --> 00:04:56,041 Speaker 2: even say this isn't for me about reconnecting. I just 121 00:04:56,081 --> 00:04:58,001 Speaker 2: want to like have a conversation about it. I think 122 00:04:58,041 --> 00:04:59,481 Speaker 2: people really appreciate that. 123 00:04:59,801 --> 00:05:01,481 Speaker 1: I think that message too. I would add it in 124 00:05:01,521 --> 00:05:03,721 Speaker 1: there that you want to apologize, because I think if 125 00:05:03,721 --> 00:05:05,001 Speaker 1: you just said I want to get things off my cha, 126 00:05:05,281 --> 00:05:06,561 Speaker 1: she might be like, oh my gosh, she's going to 127 00:05:06,601 --> 00:05:08,761 Speaker 1: come and attack. Yeah, and like get upset for what 128 00:05:08,761 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 1: I've said. But yeah, just like I just want to 129 00:05:10,521 --> 00:05:12,921 Speaker 1: take ownership for my part in the breakdown and I 130 00:05:13,001 --> 00:05:15,041 Speaker 1: mean doing reflecting and I do feel bad. I want 131 00:05:15,041 --> 00:05:18,441 Speaker 1: to apologize because you deserve that. I think most people 132 00:05:18,481 --> 00:05:19,481 Speaker 1: will be pretty open to that. 133 00:05:19,561 --> 00:05:20,401 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so too. 134 00:05:20,641 --> 00:05:22,201 Speaker 1: Yeah, but if you just knock on her door, she 135 00:05:22,281 --> 00:05:24,281 Speaker 1: might be overwhelmed. Yeah, and might not be ready to 136 00:05:24,281 --> 00:05:24,961 Speaker 1: hear it either. 137 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:25,720 Speaker 2: Yeah. 138 00:05:25,801 --> 00:05:27,401 Speaker 1: Crazy, how close you guys in life? 139 00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:30,121 Speaker 2: What are the chances? And you never know, you never 140 00:05:30,161 --> 00:05:31,601 Speaker 2: know what will happen. But I think this is a 141 00:05:31,641 --> 00:05:35,280 Speaker 2: really good olive branch to overcome what's happened in the past, 142 00:05:35,281 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 2: and also a way for you to let go of 143 00:05:37,361 --> 00:05:39,640 Speaker 2: whatever it is that you're holding onto. Could be hurt, 144 00:05:39,721 --> 00:05:42,841 Speaker 2: could be a rithmbmant be past pain, whatever it is. 145 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,441 Speaker 2: Like this recently happened to me, like this year, where 146 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:47,161 Speaker 2: an old friend of mine reached out and that had 147 00:05:47,161 --> 00:05:50,361 Speaker 2: this conversation. That's why I believe everyone in their own timeline, 148 00:05:50,481 --> 00:05:53,001 Speaker 2: because when everyone has a realization of have it is, 149 00:05:53,041 --> 00:05:55,681 Speaker 2: they've shown up. I feel like people, for the most part, 150 00:05:55,721 --> 00:05:58,200 Speaker 2: at least now, are willing to take accountability for it 151 00:05:58,241 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 2: and are willing to be open about it. 152 00:05:59,481 --> 00:06:00,961 Speaker 1: I don't know if I fully believe it yet. 153 00:06:01,081 --> 00:06:04,081 Speaker 2: Yeah, you haven't seen it and I've had enough evidence. 154 00:06:04,161 --> 00:06:04,921 Speaker 2: Yeah that's fair. 155 00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:08,481 Speaker 1: Yeah, But I do believe sometimes too, not just necessarily 156 00:06:08,521 --> 00:06:11,001 Speaker 1: with fall out, that some friendships just grow apart for 157 00:06:11,041 --> 00:06:12,681 Speaker 1: a season. Like I remember, Megsie and I had a 158 00:06:12,681 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 1: couple of years where we weren't that close. Same with 159 00:06:14,521 --> 00:06:16,721 Speaker 1: Nadine and I. Same with Beth and I. Beth moved 160 00:06:16,721 --> 00:06:19,001 Speaker 1: to Canada and I didn't really see or speak to 161 00:06:19,001 --> 00:06:20,321 Speaker 1: her for like two or three years. And the moment 162 00:06:20,401 --> 00:06:22,520 Speaker 1: she moved back to Australia, we just picked off where 163 00:06:22,521 --> 00:06:23,001 Speaker 1: we left off. 164 00:06:23,081 --> 00:06:23,561 Speaker 2: Yeah. Love that. 165 00:06:23,681 --> 00:06:25,921 Speaker 1: And then Nadine she went through a divorce and she 166 00:06:25,961 --> 00:06:28,121 Speaker 1: went out partying and just single and traveling and doing 167 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:29,761 Speaker 1: a thing. And I had just had a new baby, 168 00:06:30,121 --> 00:06:33,561 Speaker 1: so we were just on different totally different lives difference, yeah, lifestyles. 169 00:06:33,801 --> 00:06:35,841 Speaker 1: So we didn't speak that much and then got really 170 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,281 Speaker 1: close again. I've been close ever since. And the Megsie Like, 171 00:06:39,041 --> 00:06:41,401 Speaker 1: but when you've got that beautiful foundation, if you meant 172 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:42,561 Speaker 1: to come back together, you will. 173 00:06:42,801 --> 00:06:43,001 Speaker 2: Yeah. 174 00:06:43,161 --> 00:06:45,481 Speaker 1: Just like being flexible and adaptable to that and just 175 00:06:45,521 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 1: flowing with the seasons and not trying to force things. 176 00:06:48,201 --> 00:06:51,121 Speaker 1: I really commend you for taking responsibility. Yeah, it's a 177 00:06:51,121 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 1: beautiful trait. Yeah, and it would be lucky to have 178 00:06:53,241 --> 00:06:55,440 Speaker 1: you as a friend, beautiful and you'd create so much 179 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:59,681 Speaker 1: safety for them to reflect and grow and apologize as well, absolutely. 180 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,401 Speaker 2: Because it only takes one person in a dynamic to 181 00:07:01,481 --> 00:07:04,880 Speaker 2: change the dynamic. Yeah, and you're leading with courage, courage 182 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,161 Speaker 2: and vulnerability, and that's a really hard thing to do 183 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,001 Speaker 2: for a lot of vulnerability is uncomfortable. But if you 184 00:07:10,041 --> 00:07:11,841 Speaker 2: can do it, and you can get comfortable doing it, 185 00:07:12,161 --> 00:07:13,201 Speaker 2: you can be so fine when it. 186 00:07:13,161 --> 00:07:15,281 Speaker 1: Comes to friendship. Literally spoke about this and the drive 187 00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:18,161 Speaker 1: up how I don't know how the conversation came about 188 00:07:18,201 --> 00:07:21,201 Speaker 1: just someone saying sorry and how hard it is for 189 00:07:21,201 --> 00:07:22,961 Speaker 1: people to say sorry because most of us did not 190 00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:25,601 Speaker 1: grow up having role models it said sorry, like, I 191 00:07:25,641 --> 00:07:27,561 Speaker 1: don't think I've ever seen my parents say sorry to 192 00:07:27,561 --> 00:07:29,761 Speaker 1: each other or to ask for anything. So growing up, 193 00:07:29,801 --> 00:07:31,881 Speaker 1: I realized how hard it was for me to own 194 00:07:31,921 --> 00:07:34,081 Speaker 1: my stuff and say sorry. And it's only like the 195 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,721 Speaker 1: last couple of years yeah that I've gotten a lot 196 00:07:36,721 --> 00:07:38,761 Speaker 1: better at it, but it still brings up that initial 197 00:07:38,841 --> 00:07:42,401 Speaker 1: like it feels foreign. And I apologize to my kids 198 00:07:42,481 --> 00:07:45,121 Speaker 1: all the time because I wanted to feel normal and 199 00:07:45,241 --> 00:07:47,201 Speaker 1: natural that when you make a mistake it's like, oh, 200 00:07:47,241 --> 00:07:47,881 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. 201 00:07:47,881 --> 00:07:49,641 Speaker 2: I fuck. I didn't think, Yeah, it's like, of course, 202 00:07:49,681 --> 00:07:51,881 Speaker 2: that's how we respect we want to make amends and 203 00:07:52,401 --> 00:07:54,201 Speaker 2: it's okay to own that. Yeah, it doesn't mean that 204 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,561 Speaker 2: anything's wrong or you're bad, or it doesn't there's no 205 00:07:56,681 --> 00:07:58,241 Speaker 2: meaning attached to it's just like, oh no, of. 206 00:07:58,201 --> 00:08:01,681 Speaker 1: Course, we're all humans. We're so messy. We all make mistakes, 207 00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:04,481 Speaker 1: we all react, we all do things we're not proud of, 208 00:08:04,561 --> 00:08:08,401 Speaker 1: say things we don't mean. That's being humane. So with 209 00:08:08,561 --> 00:08:10,921 Speaker 1: love and update, if you can write in and let 210 00:08:11,041 --> 00:08:13,161 Speaker 1: us know how you go, whether you decide to message her, 211 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,521 Speaker 1: catch up with it, how she responds, how she receives it. 212 00:08:15,521 --> 00:08:17,161 Speaker 1: We'd love for you to let us know. Oh my gosh, 213 00:08:17,241 --> 00:08:19,481 Speaker 1: fill us in, wish are the best, and hopefully hear 214 00:08:19,481 --> 00:08:19,921 Speaker 1: from you soon. 215 00:08:20,001 --> 00:08:21,401 Speaker 2: Bye bye