Speaker 1: Well, hello there, thank you for joining us today on
Speaker 1: this daily podcast from Body and Soul Got Healthy Ish
Speaker 1: of course, I am the host of Felicity Helly Now.
Speaker 1: It's been five years since the last Body and Soul
Speaker 1: sex survey or Census, so we thought it was due
Speaker 1: time we did another. Our team asked more than two
Speaker 1: thousand Australians between the ages of eighteen and seventy five,
Speaker 1: all sorts of questions about sexual health, wellness, pleasure, dating,
Speaker 1: et cetera, et cetera. We're talking online dating trends today
Speaker 1: and joining me in the studio is Sarah Bosa. She's
Speaker 1: an evidence based dating coach and the founder of the
Speaker 1: dating coaching brand Sideswiped. Now, if you like what you
Speaker 1: hear from Sarah, are listening to Extra Healthy Ish, where
Speaker 1: she tells you how to win at online dating and
Speaker 1: can search for that wherever you get your podcasts Sarah,
Speaker 1: welcome to Healthy Ish, and we have to let our
Speaker 1: listeners know that you have worked across the Body of
Speaker 1: SO brand. Yes, so nice to have you here in
Speaker 1: the chair. Happy to be back. Now we're talking obviously
Speaker 1: about the Body in SOULD twenty twenty four Sex Census
Speaker 1: Talk us through the main ways people meet their partners nowadays.
Speaker 2: So interestingly, a lot of things in dating have changed
Speaker 2: and also a lot of things haven't. So based on
Speaker 2: the survey, the most common way to meet your partner
Speaker 2: is still through family and friends. Next app would be
Speaker 2: work or the office hopefully. Oh interesting, maybe stealing the
Speaker 2: situation there, and also interesting considering the COVID years and
Speaker 2: that we're spending less time in the office. And amazingly,
Speaker 2: the next most popular way is dating apps. Nearly half
Speaker 2: forty three percent of Ozzie's have used dating apps, even
Speaker 2: Ozzie's seventy five plus, which is a stat I love
Speaker 2: to hear.
Speaker 1: My goodness, Oh that is so nice to hear. Heartwarming. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Are are they especially dating apps for that age group?
Speaker 2: For that?
Speaker 1: Do they just use the rest of rest of the bunch?
Speaker 2: I think they just adjust their age filters. Who knows,
Speaker 2: maybe they'll be a Golden Tinder edition.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's just talk about about the fifty percent.
Speaker 1: What was that? I can't remember the actual stat around
Speaker 1: meeting through family and friends. This is very reassuring for
Speaker 1: people who are a single, I think because I don't
Speaker 1: know about you, but often you know I'm obviously married,
Speaker 1: but often my friends who are single, I think I
Speaker 1: can never meet anyone where are your friends? So it's
Speaker 1: up to us to introduce ourselves to People's up to
Speaker 1: us to introduce our friends to our other friends.
Speaker 2: Oh absolutely, I mean there's that classic example of going
Speaker 2: to a wedding and meeting someone. There's so much love
Speaker 2: in the room, and you're all surrounded by friends and family,
Speaker 2: and you're all vetted. I think one big, an amazing
Speaker 2: thing In some ways that dating apps introduced were people
Speaker 2: you had otherwise never cross paths with or would never
Speaker 2: have connected with. But sometimes when you extend things too far,
Speaker 2: you lose that sense of connection and for familiarity and
Speaker 2: you know your friends, you know, knowing who they dated
Speaker 2: in high school and.
Speaker 1: All that sort of stuff. Interestingly, four percent it doesn't
Speaker 1: say much, but I think it's quite a big deal.
Speaker 1: Four percent meet via DM. Talk to us about this.
Speaker 1: How do you go about asking someone out on the DM?
Speaker 1: Shoot your shot?
Speaker 2: I say, I have actually done this all Okay, time
Speaker 2: tell us or first, it actually starts with your feed.
Speaker 2: You need a good single social esthetic, So your first
Speaker 2: six or nine grid posts need to be you living
Speaker 2: your best single life, get every ex partner off your feed,
Speaker 2: because you don't want to make it confusing when someone
Speaker 2: looks at your profile and they try to guess, hang on,
Speaker 2: are they single or not?
Speaker 1: Now I'm very confused.
Speaker 2: You don't necessarily need to archive or delete your ex's
Speaker 2: but you need to bump them down the grid.
Speaker 1: So you need photos of you in Europe, you like
Speaker 1: clinking glasses, you know, on the beach, somewhere in Australia.
Speaker 1: You just you running whatever is your interest.
Speaker 2: Absolutely you living your best single life, and then comes
Speaker 2: the dam slide.
Speaker 1: There are two main.
Speaker 2: Styles to do this, and I think that the best
Speaker 2: way to get your head around this is think of
Speaker 2: your digital flirting behavior to mimic any of your irl
Speaker 2: flirting behavior. So let's say you're at a bar the
Speaker 2: good old days and you're there to meet someone. You
Speaker 2: can either scan the room clock someone cute, waste no time,
Speaker 2: confidently walk up to them and say how's your night going?
Speaker 2: Or Hey, what's that you're drinking? On Instagram? That would
Speaker 2: translate to a follow and then a dam straight off
Speaker 2: the bat with one or two lines, really direct. There's
Speaker 2: that approach or style.
Speaker 1: Does that work?
Speaker 2: It can again, it's going to be how you present
Speaker 2: yourself on your grid.
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, the grid matters.
Speaker 2: The grid matters, and what sort of existing interest is there?
Speaker 2: Style two, which I would recommend a bit more. Let's
Speaker 2: go back to the bar. Metaphorically, you'd scout the room
Speaker 2: for someone cute. Maybe you'd make eye contact, you'd play
Speaker 2: with your hair, you'd sense if there's any connection, any engagement,
Speaker 2: maybe give a cheeky smile. You'd start telling your friends
Speaker 2: you need to move closer. Maybe you do a strategic
Speaker 2: trip to the bar ever those days to check if
Speaker 2: they're looking. It's a dance and there's warm up. So
Speaker 2: the way that that would translate to Instagram is first
Speaker 2: you click follow. Maybe a few days later you like
Speaker 2: one of their Instagram grid pictures. If they're uploading stories,
Speaker 2: maybe intermittently you like one one day, you don't the next,
Speaker 2: and eventually you reply to a story and just gauge
Speaker 2: if there's any connection there. Again, you want to go
Speaker 2: in with something brief, one or two lines, not an
Speaker 2: essay about how much you're obsessed with them. From their
Speaker 2: feet and what a day? Yeah, yeah, I like it.
Speaker 2: Good good advice.
Speaker 1: The DM it's an untapped place today and I have
Speaker 1: a confession to make. Actually, when one of my friends
Speaker 1: breaks up with someone, I always go through their feet
Speaker 1: and see if they have deleted the X. It's just
Speaker 1: a thing I like to do.
Speaker 2: It is now an entirely new predicament that you have
Speaker 2: to think about. I've just broken up with this someone.
Speaker 2: How do I then have to tend to my digital life?
Speaker 1: Yes? I had this years ago.
Speaker 2: It was you know, my DM sorry, my profile picture
Speaker 2: was me and my ex and I knew that my
Speaker 2: birthday was a few months away and in my head
Speaker 2: this was.
Speaker 1: Facebook days yep.
Speaker 2: So it's like people are going to be coming to
Speaker 2: my wall and writing happy birthday on my wall?
Speaker 1: And what do I do about the photo? Yes? Did
Speaker 1: you change it? A few days before? I did change it.
Speaker 1: I like it.
Speaker 2: But it's also part of the you know, the healing process.
Speaker 2: You have to let go of those digital momentos.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then block that person so you never definitely,
Speaker 1: well if it hasn't been a happy ending. Now. There
Speaker 1: was another stat that I thought was really interesting and
Speaker 1: well perhaps concerning one in three Aussies feel online dating
Speaker 1: is unsafe. Talk to us about this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so the survey did show that seventy three percent
Speaker 2: of Aussies think users aren't necessarily being honest about who
Speaker 2: they are or what their intentions are. For example, people
Speaker 2: might pose as single but realistically be in relationships. Just
Speaker 2: under half of aussi's are also worried about being scammed
Speaker 2: for money, which is a shame. There was also a
Speaker 2: lot of recognition in the survey about how dating apps
Speaker 2: do put you in more control. You can date on
Speaker 2: your own terms, at home, even in your pajamas, which
Speaker 2: is amazing, all of that before meeting in person once
Speaker 2: you do feel ready.
Speaker 1: So how can we feel safe for anyone?
Speaker 2: Who?
Speaker 1: I mean? We all read the headlines, don't we about
Speaker 1: the scammers and turning up to locations and being met
Speaker 1: with not who you think you're going to be met with.
Speaker 1: How can we feel safe when we date online?
Speaker 2: So the apps do want you to connect in a
Speaker 2: safe and fun way and they are constantly adding safety features.
Speaker 2: So from the survey, Tinder is the most popular dating
Speaker 2: app to meet your partner. Recently, they've introduced ID and
Speaker 2: photo and ID verification, so basically you scan your driver's
Speaker 2: license or your passport and once that's verified, you get
Speaker 2: a little blue tick on your profile. Once you've gone
Speaker 2: through that process, you can then nominate to only see
Speaker 2: other users who've done the same, so instantly you feel
Speaker 2: so much more reassured about what's Seventy three percent of
Speaker 2: Aussies are worried about that. You know who you're connecting
Speaker 2: with is who they are. You can also there are
Speaker 2: amazing features to block and report people if you feel unsafe.
Speaker 2: You can block existing contacts in your phone so that
Speaker 2: you're not seeing your ex's or your bosses, and you
Speaker 2: can stay in the app for as long as possible
Speaker 2: because you can both chat and video call through the app.
Speaker 2: You can also on Tinder share your date plans with
Speaker 2: your friends and family so they know the name of
Speaker 2: your match, where you're meeting, and what time and they
Speaker 2: can check up on you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's really important, isn't it. Tell your friends, share
Speaker 1: the share the info, and hopefully you have a good date. Sarah,
Speaker 1: thank you for coming on, help you shank you friends.
Speaker 1: If you want more tidbits about online dating or anything
Speaker 1: else related to our sex census, I will leave a
Speaker 1: link to it in the show notes. If you enjoyed
Speaker 1: this chat, tell us rate and review this episode. It
Speaker 1: was a bit different for us. I know we'll subscribe
Speaker 1: to this podcast. Anything else, head to body and sooul
Speaker 1: dot com dot you follows on socials grob Our print
Speaker 1: edition which is out in your local Sunday paper and
Speaker 1: until tomorrow, Stay healthy,