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Speaker 1: Appogie production. I need your advice. Are you okay? What happened?

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Speaker 1: Promise it won't be too much. Bring it in. Welcome

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Speaker 1: to our Bestie segment. This is the place for you. Hello, everybody,

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to our Bestie Segment. I freaking love this

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Speaker 1: time of the week.

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Speaker 2: It's the best time of the week.

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Speaker 1: It really is just like listening to your submissions unpacking

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Speaker 1: them because we're best friends and we love doing this

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Speaker 1: for each other day to day, week to week. All

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Speaker 1: the challenges go through times in the day and a

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Speaker 1: lot of these that come through most of us can

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Speaker 1: relate to on some level, or maybe we'll go through

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Speaker 1: it in the future and you'll remember back to an

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Speaker 1: episode and be like, oh my gosh, I remember them

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Speaker 1: when the girls said to do this. I'm gonna get

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Speaker 1: that to go. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It's so real, it's so raw, it's so relatable, and

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Speaker 2: have just real life stories of real women who are

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Speaker 2: gone through shit day to day and need some bestie advice.

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Speaker 1: It is all right, let's get into today's what have

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Speaker 1: you got for us? Alright? You ready?

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Speaker 2: Hi, ladies, Thank you for giving us the opportunity to

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Speaker 2: fold what we have gone through. This question extends on

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Speaker 2: your episode about friendships. It is a story of feeling

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Speaker 2: left out by two girls who I thought were close

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Speaker 2: friends of mine. One of them is my husband's lifelong

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Speaker 2: best friend's wife, and the other was someone I really

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Speaker 2: liked and asked her to be my child's godmother. I

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Speaker 2: had a close friendship with my husband's wife, but I

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Speaker 2: was hoping in time I could become even closer to

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Speaker 2: my daughter's godmother. Unfortunately, as soon as the girls met,

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Speaker 2: they did become really good friends, and I felt excluded

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Speaker 2: by them. Unfortunately, I didn't handle things really well. When

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Speaker 2: I spoke to one of them, I didn't like her

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Speaker 2: response during our friend call. She said they didn't mean

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Speaker 2: to exclude me, but she has a lot in common

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Speaker 2: with my other friend, and that it didn't mean that

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Speaker 2: she was less friends than with me. That's nice, because

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Speaker 2: I couldn't tell her what I felt. As my husband

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Speaker 2: also got along with hers, I ended up restricting her

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Speaker 2: on Facebook instead. Everything went downhill from there as both

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Speaker 2: girls saw I put a restriction on their social media.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I could see it. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I didn't know who could do that.

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Speaker 1: Oh, you could see that.

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Speaker 2: We went overseas and saw my husband's lifelong friend and wife.

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Speaker 2: Because of how hurt I was about the girls becoming

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Speaker 2: close friends, I didn't talk to her much and ignored her.

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Speaker 2: My husband's friends took this really hard, and when presented

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Speaker 2: with the opportunity to talk bad about me to my

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Speaker 2: husband's family, they did. So Oh this all happened last year,

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Speaker 2: and I can't heal from how up set it made me.

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Speaker 2: I'm open to your girl's interpretation of this scenario, how

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Speaker 2: I could have reacted instead, and where the girls might

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Speaker 2: have gone wrong. I hope you can help me work

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Speaker 2: through this more and find a way to let go.

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Speaker 1: Love you lots of girls, Oh so beautiful. I can

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Speaker 1: hear lots in this. There's a few layers to it.

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Speaker 1: One thank you for being so honest. We appreciate it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's not easy to bring that in and own it,

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Speaker 1: but with love. I definitely think you could have handled

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Speaker 1: this a bit better, and let's talk about it because

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Speaker 1: we understand that wound of being left out and feeling

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Speaker 1: left behind. But I really felt like your friends saying,

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Speaker 1: just because we're close, it doesn't take away from our friendship.

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Speaker 1: That there that reassurance in that moment. I think would

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Speaker 1: have been a beautiful opportunity for you to say thank

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Speaker 1: you for their reassurance. I just think I'd love to

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Speaker 1: be included more. Yeah, could I come along more? Could

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Speaker 1: I be invited more? Or can all three of us

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Speaker 1: hang out? But then you went into avoidant and almost

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Speaker 1: a bit of punishment, restricting them, ignoring them, And then

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Speaker 1: of course you're going to create more of a distance

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Speaker 1: and be more left out, and you're going to create

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Speaker 1: the reality that you do not want, which has happened now.

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Speaker 1: I think there's definitely an opportunity to repair here, though,

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Speaker 1: but it's going to take you owning your part and

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Speaker 1: apologizing and then also expressing how you feel, you know,

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Speaker 1: and your wounds and really owning that.

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Speaker 2: Because it sounds like that's what's come up for you.

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Speaker 2: So what it sounds like is that something came up

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Speaker 2: for you in the moment. You may be shamed and

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Speaker 2: judge yourself for experiencing that discomfort, and then you suppressed it.

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Speaker 2: But because you suppressed it, what we don't bring up

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Speaker 2: and voice in relationships comes out in uncontrollable ways. So

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Speaker 2: what happened was, like what she was saying, like you

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Speaker 2: went into that almost like punishment and those girls would

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Speaker 2: have really felt that energy for me. And so that's

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Speaker 2: also something that creates a lack of safety in a

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Speaker 2: friendship for females, especially females, we're already so guarded and

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Speaker 2: safety is a huge thing for us. So the moment

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Speaker 2: we feel that, we're like, ooh, that's one thing that

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Speaker 2: I need to kind of like, yeah, I need to

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Speaker 2: protect myself here. So what I think would be really

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Speaker 2: good forear moving forward, if you do want to repair

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Speaker 2: these friendships is to come to them with complete vulnerability, like, hey,

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Speaker 2: do you guys have the capacity for a conversation. I

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Speaker 2: would love to talk to you about something and something

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Speaker 2: about my behavior if you'd be open to it, and

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Speaker 2: then lead with vulnerability and go, hey, like, this is

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Speaker 2: what came up for me. It was my own stuff,

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Speaker 2: was feeling super triggered or feeling left out. You guys

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Speaker 2: didn't actually do anything necessarily wrong, if that is true,

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Speaker 2: and then go here's where I went wrong. Here's what

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Speaker 2: I did. I ended up pushing you guys away because

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Speaker 2: I was scared, and I'm willing to own that and

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Speaker 2: work through that so that we can actually build a

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Speaker 2: friendship here.

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Speaker 1: And what I'm really desiring out of this is more connection.

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Speaker 2: Is more connection.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's where all this came from.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's on the front facing and then on

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Speaker 2: the back end of your own work of this is

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Speaker 2: really being willing to look at the triggers that come

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Speaker 2: up when you felt left out, Like what did it

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Speaker 2: trigger in you? Because it's clear that like insecurity came up,

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Speaker 2: fear came up, maybe a fear of abandonment, fear of rejection.

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Speaker 2: Like whatever it created in you was enough and strong

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Speaker 2: enough for you to push those girls away. And this

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Speaker 2: is okay, Well you know I've absolutely done it too.

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Speaker 2: We have both been here in this position. Can we

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Speaker 2: know exactly how you feel? Yeah, you don't need to

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Speaker 2: judge yourself, wishing yourself make it wrong. But what you

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Speaker 2: do need to do is learn how to love that

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Speaker 2: part of you who does feel that sense of abandonment,

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Speaker 2: because that's going to be the biggest thing here is.

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Speaker 1: And even if you can't love it, accept it. I

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Speaker 1: feel like acceptance is the first step to learning to

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Speaker 1: love it. If you can just accept it without shame

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Speaker 1: and just let it be there. The more you can

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Speaker 1: just let it be there, it kind of dissolves a

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Speaker 1: shame little bit, then you can learn to love it.

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Speaker 1: What we've done too now is we're bringing in with playfulness.

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Speaker 1: It is really hard to own your stuff. But if

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Speaker 1: you can be brave enough, which it sounds like, you know,

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Speaker 1: even writing this in is really brave. You've got that in,

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Speaker 1: you go and have that conversation with them, and like

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Speaker 1: you said, lead with curiosity, taking responsibility and with love,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, explore with them what came up for you

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Speaker 1: and how you guys can repair. I think it would

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Speaker 1: be really nice to repair, especially because the husbands are

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Speaker 1: all really close and or hanging out. That's really cool.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, yeah, The biggest thing in relationships, especially if

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Speaker 2: you're wanting to create closeness, is especially with the abandonment

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Speaker 2: wound that you're kind of experiencing, is letting it be seen, right,

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Speaker 2: Because what it sounds like is that when the abandonment

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Speaker 2: comes up, it's so uncomfortable for you to bear that

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Speaker 2: you might lead to running, which is running away from connection,

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Speaker 2: keeping people at arm's length, always putting walls up to

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Speaker 2: people when it comes to vulnerability. So the way that

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Speaker 2: you overcome that pattern is by bringing people in instead

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Speaker 2: letting people in letting people see you, letting people see

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Speaker 2: your heart, and letting people.

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Speaker 1: See your mess.

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Speaker 2: Yes, it's that true vulnerability of like, I'm a human,

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Speaker 2: I'm messy, I'm not perfect, I make mistakes, I fuck up.

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Speaker 2: Like that actually creates that Oh my god, this person

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Speaker 2: is safe and I can open up to them. So true,

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Speaker 2: that's something that I think will be beneficial for you

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Speaker 2: moving forward, like.

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Speaker 1: Giving you lots of love. We definitely know those feelings

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Speaker 1: and emotions that come up. And I think this is

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Speaker 1: so repaarable and and just a beautiful opportunity for you

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Speaker 1: to go through this and to accept it more. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we'd love an update. Are you gonna go catch up

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Speaker 1: with them and let us know how the conversation goes.

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Speaker 1: Is it well received? They a bit react? And also too,

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Speaker 1: if they are a bit reactive and they aren't quite

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Speaker 1: ready to repair, like, that's also okay too. They're gonna

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Speaker 1: obviously have a lot of their things coming up in this.

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Speaker 1: But all you can do is try. All you can

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Speaker 1: do is clean up your own lane. Yeah, that's all

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Speaker 1: you can do. We talk about this often.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, a person just needs to be willing, yes, And

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Speaker 2: if you are willing and they see that they'll be

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Speaker 2: open to it too.

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Speaker 1: I think so the most part, for the most part,

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Speaker 1: and I always might need to be time to process

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Speaker 1: and that's okay to be okay to Yeah, thank you

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Speaker 1: for bringing in and we'd love an upcate it.

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Speaker 2: And we want you to know that doesn't make you

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Speaker 2: any less of a person.

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Speaker 1: That this came up here, so definitely not. You're a human.

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Speaker 1: We love you in it all, we do. Thanks for

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Speaker 1: joining us. See you in the next episode. Bye bye,