1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:13,161 Speaker 1: Apogae Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashi 2 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:14,081 Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. 3 00:00:14,361 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to 4 00:00:17,361 --> 00:00:20,801 Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself. 5 00:00:20,961 --> 00:00:23,320 Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level. 6 00:00:23,321 --> 00:00:25,641 Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh and cry and talk about the topics 7 00:00:25,881 --> 00:00:27,801 Speaker 1: everyone else is too afraid to talk about. 8 00:00:28,401 --> 00:00:30,761 Speaker 3: Get ready for your next level of self. 9 00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:34,321 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to she Rises. Oh my gosh, 10 00:00:34,321 --> 00:00:35,841 Speaker 1: we're nearly double twenty twenty five. 11 00:00:35,921 --> 00:00:36,481 Speaker 2: I'm not ready. 12 00:00:36,561 --> 00:00:39,201 Speaker 1: Our last episode of the year will be our end 13 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 1: of your reflection all the things that we've learned. But 14 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:45,241 Speaker 1: today we're talking about things to check before you say yes, 15 00:00:45,321 --> 00:00:46,801 Speaker 1: because we don't want you to be the yes girl 16 00:00:46,801 --> 00:00:49,201 Speaker 1: in twenty twenty six. No, actually, let's stop that shit 17 00:00:49,281 --> 00:00:53,280 Speaker 1: now absolutely, because we're done with abandoning yourself to make 18 00:00:53,361 --> 00:00:56,081 Speaker 1: other people happy. All it does is end up leaving 19 00:00:56,121 --> 00:00:59,721 Speaker 1: you drained and depleted and full of resentment. And you 20 00:00:59,761 --> 00:01:01,801 Speaker 1: deserve to choose yourself and do what makes you feel happy. 21 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:04,441 Speaker 1: And you also deserve to have people around you that 22 00:01:04,601 --> 00:01:06,241 Speaker 1: love you even when you say no. 23 00:01:06,481 --> 00:01:09,121 Speaker 2: Absolutely, and the right people will love you when you say. 24 00:01:08,921 --> 00:01:10,681 Speaker 1: No, I respect you for having boundaries. 25 00:01:10,681 --> 00:01:12,241 Speaker 3: Oh you took the words right out of my mouth. 26 00:01:12,321 --> 00:01:12,961 Speaker 3: It is so true. 27 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,361 Speaker 2: The people who also value themselves yes, and their time 28 00:01:16,401 --> 00:01:18,961 Speaker 2: and energy will value when you do the same thing. 29 00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:20,560 Speaker 2: They're not going to get triggered. They're not going to 30 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,560 Speaker 2: get upset. They're not going to be like, oh my god, 31 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,321 Speaker 2: it make you feel bad. They're actually going to be like, 32 00:01:24,401 --> 00:01:25,641 Speaker 2: damn girl, get it. Yeah, I respect that. 33 00:01:25,801 --> 00:01:27,041 Speaker 3: Yeah, you take care of yourself. 34 00:01:27,041 --> 00:01:29,360 Speaker 1: This week, I saw a quote it was like, people 35 00:01:29,401 --> 00:01:31,920 Speaker 1: that are not okay with your boundaries is because it's 36 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:33,121 Speaker 1: not benefiting them anymore. 37 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:33,520 Speaker 3: Yeah. 38 00:01:33,681 --> 00:01:35,481 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that's so true. And people get 39 00:01:35,521 --> 00:01:38,440 Speaker 1: triggered when you have a boundary. Oh yeah, that fallow. 40 00:01:38,441 --> 00:01:40,801 Speaker 1: That isn't it. But it's so true. Well that respect 41 00:01:41,161 --> 00:01:42,960 Speaker 1: you and have their own boundaries. 42 00:01:42,481 --> 00:01:44,321 Speaker 2: We're like, of course they liked it before when you 43 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:46,521 Speaker 2: used to say yes without checking with yourself. 44 00:01:46,241 --> 00:01:47,841 Speaker 1: As convenient because it worked for them. 45 00:01:47,961 --> 00:01:49,161 Speaker 3: Yeah benefit them. 46 00:01:49,081 --> 00:01:51,281 Speaker 1: Yes, exactly right, So checking with those people. 47 00:01:51,481 --> 00:01:51,721 Speaker 3: Yes. 48 00:01:52,081 --> 00:01:54,241 Speaker 2: Something that you can say to checking with yourself is 49 00:01:54,561 --> 00:01:57,241 Speaker 2: do I have the time and energy this week? So 50 00:01:57,321 --> 00:02:00,041 Speaker 2: this could be somebody giving you a task, somebody asking 51 00:02:00,081 --> 00:02:03,201 Speaker 2: you if you can help out with them, do a favor, 52 00:02:03,201 --> 00:02:05,921 Speaker 2: whatever it is. Checking with your Okay, do I have 53 00:02:05,961 --> 00:02:08,241 Speaker 2: the time and do I have the energy? Because if 54 00:02:08,281 --> 00:02:10,881 Speaker 2: you can just say, hey, like let me get back 55 00:02:10,921 --> 00:02:12,520 Speaker 2: to you. Let me just check my calendar and I'll 56 00:02:12,561 --> 00:02:14,681 Speaker 2: get back to you in thirty minutes, you give yourself 57 00:02:14,721 --> 00:02:17,720 Speaker 2: at least a thirty minute buffer time to genuinely take 58 00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:20,921 Speaker 2: space from that person, sit with yourself and ask if 59 00:02:20,921 --> 00:02:23,081 Speaker 2: it's something that you genuinely want to do, because you 60 00:02:23,081 --> 00:02:25,481 Speaker 2: don't always have to respond immediately, and if you are 61 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:29,121 Speaker 2: responding immediately, you probably haven't given yourself enough time to 62 00:02:29,201 --> 00:02:31,921 Speaker 2: actually check in with yourself if you have the time 63 00:02:32,001 --> 00:02:34,520 Speaker 2: capacity and if it's something that you actually want to do. 64 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:37,400 Speaker 1: Or not one hundred percent, even longer than thirty minutes, Hey, 65 00:02:37,881 --> 00:02:39,881 Speaker 1: I'm just at work. I'll get back to the next 66 00:02:39,921 --> 00:02:42,240 Speaker 1: couple of days. Yeah, So then you can really check 67 00:02:42,281 --> 00:02:44,361 Speaker 1: in with yourself. Even I asked a girl from the 68 00:02:44,401 --> 00:02:45,761 Speaker 1: other day if she wanted to be involved with one 69 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,361 Speaker 1: about projects, and she was like, Oh, today's just not 70 00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:49,921 Speaker 1: the day for me to answer this question. I'll come 71 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,001 Speaker 1: back to you when I'm feeling more stable. Because you're 72 00:02:52,001 --> 00:02:53,441 Speaker 1: just having a hard week and it's like, that's so 73 00:02:53,481 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 1: fucking cool. 74 00:02:54,081 --> 00:02:54,240 Speaker 2: Yeah. 75 00:02:54,321 --> 00:02:56,161 Speaker 1: Yeah, you get back to me whenever you can. Cool 76 00:02:56,281 --> 00:02:58,561 Speaker 1: because she's just really checking with herself and doesn't want 77 00:02:58,561 --> 00:03:02,121 Speaker 1: to respond from a place of fear or lack or exhaustion. 78 00:03:02,281 --> 00:03:03,441 Speaker 1: She's like, let me come back to you when I'm 79 00:03:03,441 --> 00:03:05,361 Speaker 1: feeling grounded. Yeah, it's like that's perfect. 80 00:03:05,441 --> 00:03:07,481 Speaker 2: Yeah, because she didn't in that moment go oh my gosh, 81 00:03:07,601 --> 00:03:08,921 Speaker 2: yes and then come back and be like, you know what, 82 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:10,241 Speaker 2: Actually that doesn't feel good for me. 83 00:03:10,401 --> 00:03:12,241 Speaker 1: Yeah, or I'm letting you down now I can't do 84 00:03:12,281 --> 00:03:15,001 Speaker 1: it and I'm pulling out, or feel bad and say 85 00:03:15,081 --> 00:03:16,520 Speaker 1: yes and then go through with it anyway at the 86 00:03:16,561 --> 00:03:18,961 Speaker 1: cost of her own energy. I'd hate her for her to. 87 00:03:18,841 --> 00:03:20,441 Speaker 2: Have to do that, especially in a time where she 88 00:03:20,561 --> 00:03:22,960 Speaker 2: said vocally yes, this is a heavier week for my 89 00:03:23,041 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 2: feeling robbly. 90 00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:27,841 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it's really cool giving yourself that time and space. 91 00:03:28,281 --> 00:03:31,121 Speaker 1: Another thing to ask yourself is am I seeking approval 92 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,561 Speaker 1: from the other person or am I genuinely saying yes 93 00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:36,961 Speaker 1: because I want to do it. I think I've said 94 00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:39,041 Speaker 1: yes so much in the past because we've done a 95 00:03:39,121 --> 00:03:41,720 Speaker 1: high episode on this, but scared of getting rejected or 96 00:03:41,761 --> 00:03:44,001 Speaker 1: scared if I say no, that they will think I 97 00:03:44,041 --> 00:03:46,881 Speaker 1: don't care about them. I've been someone that's been in 98 00:03:46,961 --> 00:03:49,401 Speaker 1: like the rescuer or the warrior archetype where I'm like 99 00:03:49,441 --> 00:03:52,201 Speaker 1: wanting to save everyone and help everyone, but I did 100 00:03:52,241 --> 00:03:54,361 Speaker 1: it from a place of that will get me more love. 101 00:03:54,881 --> 00:03:56,681 Speaker 1: The more I do, the more people will love me. 102 00:03:57,041 --> 00:03:59,481 Speaker 1: So it's been a really hard thing to unlearn and 103 00:03:59,561 --> 00:04:03,001 Speaker 1: practice saying no because that initial fears will pop up, like, oh, 104 00:04:03,081 --> 00:04:04,641 Speaker 1: They're going to not feel loved by me if I 105 00:04:04,641 --> 00:04:07,401 Speaker 1: don't do this for them. So just ask yourself, am 106 00:04:07,441 --> 00:04:09,801 Speaker 1: I saying yes from a place of fear? Or am 107 00:04:09,841 --> 00:04:11,961 Speaker 1: I just saying yes because I genuinely have the space 108 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:13,721 Speaker 1: and capacity and I want to do this. Oh I 109 00:04:13,761 --> 00:04:14,201 Speaker 1: love that. 110 00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:16,881 Speaker 2: What a beautiful way to stop resentment from happening as. 111 00:04:16,841 --> 00:04:18,401 Speaker 1: Well preventing cracks. 112 00:04:18,561 --> 00:04:23,281 Speaker 2: Yes, it's all about prevention is I say it jokingly, 113 00:04:23,361 --> 00:04:26,681 Speaker 2: but it's true. It's like everything in life. You just 114 00:04:26,761 --> 00:04:28,801 Speaker 2: prevent the point of getting to the point where shit 115 00:04:28,921 --> 00:04:31,161 Speaker 2: has to blow up or shit has to hit the 116 00:04:31,201 --> 00:04:34,241 Speaker 2: fan or hit crisis before you actually look at things. 117 00:04:34,401 --> 00:04:35,561 Speaker 1: Why do we do that? I don't know. 118 00:04:36,201 --> 00:04:38,801 Speaker 2: Wouldn't have to do that? You can do that refine 119 00:04:38,841 --> 00:04:40,721 Speaker 2: as we go, such a better place to be. 120 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 1: Definitely. 121 00:04:41,601 --> 00:04:44,241 Speaker 2: Another thing that you could ask yourself is does this 122 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:48,601 Speaker 2: actually align with my priorities right now? This is something 123 00:04:48,641 --> 00:04:51,281 Speaker 2: I've recently started to do a lot more of, is 124 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:54,721 Speaker 2: having to say no to things that are fun but 125 00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:57,401 Speaker 2: don't align with what I'm working towards right Let's say, 126 00:04:57,401 --> 00:05:00,321 Speaker 2: for example, like limited capacity, when you don't have as 127 00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:03,401 Speaker 2: much bandwidth or much time or whatever, and you only 128 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:05,721 Speaker 2: have a certain amount of time to give, does this 129 00:05:05,841 --> 00:05:08,440 Speaker 2: actually line up with my priorities and what I am 130 00:05:08,521 --> 00:05:12,001 Speaker 2: choosing to pour my time and effort into right now. Yeah, 131 00:05:12,041 --> 00:05:14,321 Speaker 2: And you may want to do it. It may even 132 00:05:14,361 --> 00:05:16,001 Speaker 2: feel like, oh, you know what, I totally could, But 133 00:05:16,521 --> 00:05:18,241 Speaker 2: then you know you're going to be stretched over here 134 00:05:18,241 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 2: and not have enough time as your work task or 135 00:05:20,961 --> 00:05:23,801 Speaker 2: your project that you're working on, or pouring into your children, 136 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:26,601 Speaker 2: whatever it is. So I think that's a really cool 137 00:05:26,601 --> 00:05:28,721 Speaker 2: thing to ask yourself and has been really good for 138 00:05:28,801 --> 00:05:31,921 Speaker 2: me of not being the yes girl anymore in terms 139 00:05:31,921 --> 00:05:34,601 Speaker 2: of everything and being willing to say no more. 140 00:05:34,721 --> 00:05:37,440 Speaker 1: It's like, be honest, that question at the cost of what? Yeah, 141 00:05:37,481 --> 00:05:38,921 Speaker 1: everything's got the cost of something? 142 00:05:39,041 --> 00:05:39,361 Speaker 2: This is it? 143 00:05:39,361 --> 00:05:40,961 Speaker 1: The cost of your mental health? Is it the cost 144 00:05:40,961 --> 00:05:42,601 Speaker 1: of time away from your kids? Is the cost of 145 00:05:42,601 --> 00:05:44,721 Speaker 1: your energy? Is the cost of your sleep? Is it 146 00:05:44,721 --> 00:05:46,801 Speaker 1: the cost of you getting behind in your project? 147 00:05:46,841 --> 00:05:49,161 Speaker 2: Oh? I love that you said that so much, because 148 00:05:49,201 --> 00:05:51,161 Speaker 2: there are times where like, I'll have friends invite me 149 00:05:51,201 --> 00:05:54,481 Speaker 2: to things that are like pas seven thirty friends. Yeah, 150 00:05:54,481 --> 00:05:55,161 Speaker 2: you have friends? 151 00:05:55,241 --> 00:05:57,521 Speaker 1: Do you so much fun? 152 00:05:59,201 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 3: No, this bitch knows. I'm not going anywhere seven thirty 153 00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:02,720 Speaker 3: after seven thirty. 154 00:06:02,721 --> 00:06:05,241 Speaker 1: No, you gotta book din it for five thirty. They're 155 00:06:05,241 --> 00:06:06,721 Speaker 1: asking me you at seven thirty. They don't know you 156 00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:07,121 Speaker 1: very well. 157 00:06:07,281 --> 00:06:08,241 Speaker 3: That is very true. 158 00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:10,320 Speaker 2: You were very correct, and I would be going with you, 159 00:06:10,401 --> 00:06:10,721 Speaker 2: and not that. 160 00:06:13,561 --> 00:06:16,001 Speaker 1: Stephanie and Tatiana are in the building the feld E. 161 00:06:18,081 --> 00:06:20,561 Speaker 2: Yeah, so somebody would ask me to do something on 162 00:06:20,601 --> 00:06:23,201 Speaker 2: a weekend or whatever. And if I know that somebody 163 00:06:23,281 --> 00:06:25,041 Speaker 2: asked me to do something after seven thirty on a 164 00:06:25,041 --> 00:06:28,721 Speaker 2: Friday night, and I've got training with this woman at 165 00:06:28,761 --> 00:06:30,921 Speaker 2: five point thirty the next day, I'm not going. 166 00:06:31,721 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 1: I remember some guy asked her out to go to 167 00:06:34,241 --> 00:06:36,201 Speaker 1: the movies on a she calls it a school night, 168 00:06:36,281 --> 00:06:38,561 Speaker 1: and the movie was like she would have been done 169 00:06:38,601 --> 00:06:41,041 Speaker 1: by eight thirty, Max, and I remember on the walk 170 00:06:41,081 --> 00:06:44,001 Speaker 1: he were so I can't believe he would think I 171 00:06:44,041 --> 00:06:46,921 Speaker 1: would go to a movie. It starts at six thirty. 172 00:06:46,961 --> 00:06:48,201 Speaker 1: Paid he wants to go to a movie on a 173 00:06:48,201 --> 00:06:50,481 Speaker 1: school night at six thirty. She was so expressed. Then 174 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:53,001 Speaker 1: he was like, you know you'll be home by eight thirty. 175 00:06:53,201 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 1: She's like, absolutely not. 176 00:06:54,601 --> 00:06:55,921 Speaker 2: I have you be home by eight thirty. I'm like, 177 00:06:55,961 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 2: you're lying, And I was like, this man is not 178 00:06:57,521 --> 00:06:59,561 Speaker 2: the man for you. I'm like, no, because you know 179 00:06:59,641 --> 00:07:01,761 Speaker 2: it'll be it'll push into nine thirty. But when we 180 00:07:01,801 --> 00:07:03,481 Speaker 2: get home and have dinner and do all the things 181 00:07:03,521 --> 00:07:04,801 Speaker 2: that it's so funny because I would do the same 182 00:07:05,521 --> 00:07:06,201 Speaker 2: way too late. 183 00:07:06,521 --> 00:07:07,681 Speaker 3: Have you tucked in by eight thirty? 184 00:07:07,681 --> 00:07:08,440 Speaker 2: I'm like you will not? 185 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:13,481 Speaker 1: Yeah? True, absolutely not. That was funny. That was so funny. 186 00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:16,041 Speaker 1: Something I think a lot of people struggle with is 187 00:07:16,081 --> 00:07:19,561 Speaker 1: how to actually say no kindly. Oh so they just 188 00:07:19,561 --> 00:07:22,321 Speaker 1: say yes because they don't know how to say no 189 00:07:22,481 --> 00:07:23,921 Speaker 1: that doesn't feel good for me, or no what I 190 00:07:24,081 --> 00:07:26,201 Speaker 1: want to like that you can fluff and beat around 191 00:07:26,241 --> 00:07:28,041 Speaker 1: the bush and make up little white lives that makes 192 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,401 Speaker 1: you feel better, or you can be clear and direct 193 00:07:30,521 --> 00:07:33,041 Speaker 1: and kind. And I think the right people once again, 194 00:07:33,121 --> 00:07:36,121 Speaker 1: will respect you for saying that, Like there's been times 195 00:07:36,121 --> 00:07:38,001 Speaker 1: where we've done it to each other. It's like, I 196 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:40,121 Speaker 1: am so fucking tired. I'm going to sleep in tomorrow 197 00:07:40,201 --> 00:07:42,161 Speaker 1: and like skip out training or skipper walk. I just 198 00:07:42,201 --> 00:07:45,241 Speaker 1: need to fucking sleep in, or let's role play ask 199 00:07:45,321 --> 00:07:45,961 Speaker 1: me to do something. 200 00:07:47,721 --> 00:07:49,641 Speaker 2: Hey, babe, this Saturday, I want to go up to 201 00:07:49,681 --> 00:07:51,961 Speaker 2: Brisbane and I'd love to have like a day thing 202 00:07:51,961 --> 00:07:53,561 Speaker 2: where we go for like lunch and like spend the 203 00:07:53,601 --> 00:07:55,001 Speaker 2: day up in Brisbane because I want to go to 204 00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:57,281 Speaker 2: this food eatery thing that I want to go to. 205 00:07:57,361 --> 00:07:59,001 Speaker 2: What's it called Brisbane Eats? Yeah, do you want to 206 00:07:59,001 --> 00:07:59,361 Speaker 2: come with me? 207 00:07:59,401 --> 00:08:01,201 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I've actually really want to go there. 208 00:08:01,321 --> 00:08:03,041 Speaker 1: I really want to go there. For fuck. If I'm 209 00:08:03,041 --> 00:08:06,161 Speaker 1: being completely honest, I'm so exhausted right now. I had 210 00:08:06,201 --> 00:08:08,601 Speaker 1: the wedding last week. Steve and I do that relationship course. 211 00:08:08,601 --> 00:08:10,081 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm catching up on sleep and I 212 00:08:10,121 --> 00:08:12,361 Speaker 1: haven't seen my kids much this last week. In the 213 00:08:12,401 --> 00:08:14,241 Speaker 1: new year, I would love to do that, but right now, 214 00:08:14,281 --> 00:08:15,921 Speaker 1: I just feel like I need some grounding time at 215 00:08:15,961 --> 00:08:18,401 Speaker 1: home because I'm really stretching myself and finding myself just 216 00:08:18,801 --> 00:08:20,721 Speaker 1: really fucking exhaust and I can't show up how I 217 00:08:20,721 --> 00:08:22,601 Speaker 1: want to be. So can I do a rain check? 218 00:08:22,641 --> 00:08:24,481 Speaker 2: Absolutely, babe. We can look at that later on. Did 219 00:08:24,481 --> 00:08:25,081 Speaker 2: you get some rest? 220 00:08:25,201 --> 00:08:26,881 Speaker 1: It's on every second weekend or something. 221 00:08:27,081 --> 00:08:27,961 Speaker 3: Yeah, we've got plenty of time. 222 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:32,441 Speaker 1: Yeah, perfect, beautiful? How you giving me one? Okay, Hey, babe, 223 00:08:32,521 --> 00:08:34,361 Speaker 1: I want to go on a wild, sexy weekend with 224 00:08:34,441 --> 00:08:39,601 Speaker 1: Stee from Thursday to Tuesday. Can you have the kids 225 00:08:39,601 --> 00:08:47,041 Speaker 1: for four nights? I'd probably say yes. Oh my gosh. 226 00:08:47,121 --> 00:08:50,201 Speaker 2: Firstly, I support you, queen, go fucking pay your babes. 227 00:08:50,961 --> 00:08:53,321 Speaker 3: No, but I do have. 228 00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,081 Speaker 2: A lot of work admin that I have to do, 229 00:08:55,161 --> 00:08:57,561 Speaker 2: and I've got a couple of clients over Thursday and Friday, 230 00:08:57,681 --> 00:08:59,321 Speaker 2: and I don't think I'm going to have the capacity 231 00:08:59,361 --> 00:09:01,921 Speaker 2: to be fully present in the way the kids deserve. 232 00:09:02,641 --> 00:09:04,561 Speaker 2: Is there somebody else who can help? And maybe I 233 00:09:04,601 --> 00:09:06,961 Speaker 2: can look helping over the weekend, because I think that's 234 00:09:06,961 --> 00:09:08,081 Speaker 2: about as much that I can give. 235 00:09:08,161 --> 00:09:08,921 Speaker 3: Does that sound okay? 236 00:09:08,961 --> 00:09:12,121 Speaker 1: That'd be amazing. Actually, I can get Megasy the Thursday Friday, 237 00:09:12,201 --> 00:09:14,041 Speaker 1: beautiful because she has a quiet a day then and 238 00:09:14,041 --> 00:09:15,601 Speaker 1: then if you could do the weekend well, like I 239 00:09:15,601 --> 00:09:18,041 Speaker 1: have sexy the week absolutely absolutely. 240 00:09:18,081 --> 00:09:20,241 Speaker 2: You know what, I'll be there at Saturday morning at 241 00:09:20,281 --> 00:09:20,841 Speaker 2: five am. 242 00:09:20,921 --> 00:09:23,241 Speaker 1: Girl. What about this? You know how Sunday is your 243 00:09:23,281 --> 00:09:25,481 Speaker 1: rest day. Yeah, it is. You've gotten very good at 244 00:09:25,601 --> 00:09:28,401 Speaker 1: having strong boundaries on your rest day. Hey, babe, So 245 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:31,081 Speaker 1: we're moving house this weekend on Sunday. It's when if 246 00:09:31,121 --> 00:09:32,841 Speaker 1: you can come and pack boxes in the all day 247 00:09:32,921 --> 00:09:36,121 Speaker 1: because many hands make light work and I've got a 248 00:09:36,161 --> 00:09:37,761 Speaker 1: sore back, so I really need to like carry some 249 00:09:37,761 --> 00:09:38,561 Speaker 1: of the heavy stuff. 250 00:09:38,681 --> 00:09:44,161 Speaker 2: Babe, I would say yes, no, okay, sorry, I'm being serious. Play. 251 00:09:44,321 --> 00:09:46,521 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, babe. I'm so excited that you're moving 252 00:09:46,521 --> 00:09:49,241 Speaker 2: into your new house. It's so exciting. Although I totally 253 00:09:49,321 --> 00:09:51,521 Speaker 2: understand how packing can feel like a bit of a heavy. 254 00:09:51,561 --> 00:09:52,921 Speaker 1: Painful job, like I need your help. 255 00:09:53,001 --> 00:09:56,401 Speaker 2: Oh, I hear you, babe, pack it on the guild 256 00:09:57,721 --> 00:10:01,401 Speaker 2: people do this, right, I so hear you, babe. However, 257 00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:04,361 Speaker 2: I've just been feeling really stretched lately in work and 258 00:10:04,401 --> 00:10:08,321 Speaker 2: feeling really overwhelmed, and I'm not having much downtime to myself, 259 00:10:08,761 --> 00:10:10,321 Speaker 2: and I find that if I don't kind of give 260 00:10:10,361 --> 00:10:12,521 Speaker 2: that to myself over the weekend, I really start to 261 00:10:12,561 --> 00:10:14,361 Speaker 2: get overwhelmed and then it kind of pulls into my 262 00:10:14,401 --> 00:10:14,961 Speaker 2: next week. 263 00:10:15,121 --> 00:10:17,361 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I so understand that feeling. It's actually 264 00:10:17,361 --> 00:10:20,041 Speaker 1: the worst because once you are feeling exhausted, then you 265 00:10:20,041 --> 00:10:21,961 Speaker 1: get anxious and you can't show up, and then it 266 00:10:22,161 --> 00:10:24,321 Speaker 1: just the whole next week's hard. I totally get it. 267 00:10:24,401 --> 00:10:26,521 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I'm like, I already feel bad for not 268 00:10:26,561 --> 00:10:28,081 Speaker 2: being able to help. I want you to know that 269 00:10:28,121 --> 00:10:29,601 Speaker 2: I love you and I support you, and I'd love 270 00:10:29,641 --> 00:10:31,761 Speaker 2: to help in other ways, but I just don't think 271 00:10:31,841 --> 00:10:34,201 Speaker 2: right now I have the capacity to really help when 272 00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:34,961 Speaker 2: it comes to moving. 273 00:10:35,121 --> 00:10:36,361 Speaker 1: You show up in every other way. 274 00:10:36,401 --> 00:10:39,481 Speaker 2: So that's so fine, Thank you, babe. Big guys Gold 275 00:10:39,481 --> 00:10:41,161 Speaker 2: plays examples. It can be fun. 276 00:10:41,281 --> 00:10:43,121 Speaker 1: It can be so fun. Yeah, And you might not 277 00:10:43,161 --> 00:10:44,721 Speaker 1: be able to show up in the exact way they 278 00:10:44,721 --> 00:10:46,801 Speaker 1: want you to, but you could offer in another way 279 00:10:46,801 --> 00:10:48,521 Speaker 1: that still feels really good, and that feels good for 280 00:10:48,561 --> 00:10:50,881 Speaker 1: you that you're still contributing and help, because I know 281 00:10:50,921 --> 00:10:53,361 Speaker 1: for us, contribution is a huge value. We love helping 282 00:10:53,401 --> 00:10:54,561 Speaker 1: the people that we love, but do it in a 283 00:10:54,561 --> 00:10:55,881 Speaker 1: way that can feel good for both people. 284 00:10:55,961 --> 00:10:58,881 Speaker 2: Absolutely, And a lot of the times it's the compromise, Yeah, 285 00:10:58,921 --> 00:11:00,881 Speaker 2: Because you can compromise when it comes to boundaries. You 286 00:11:00,881 --> 00:11:03,761 Speaker 2: don't have to be like, oh my gosh, no, fuck you. 287 00:11:03,841 --> 00:11:04,441 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go. 288 00:11:04,601 --> 00:11:06,841 Speaker 2: I'm going to have my bread a day by yourself. 289 00:11:06,881 --> 00:11:12,041 Speaker 1: Have fun with that. Like that's okay, send me photos, 290 00:11:12,761 --> 00:11:14,361 Speaker 1: send me photos once your room is done up. 291 00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:18,641 Speaker 2: Then I'll come over absolutely not having dust in my face. Yeah, 292 00:11:18,641 --> 00:11:20,201 Speaker 2: so I hope you have fun. I'm gonna go enjoy 293 00:11:20,241 --> 00:11:22,201 Speaker 2: the sun for six hours. The beach is just so 294 00:11:22,241 --> 00:11:24,521 Speaker 2: good right now. Oh babe, maybe I'll send you photos 295 00:11:24,521 --> 00:11:26,361 Speaker 2: of the beach. I'm gonna go get that Steake I 296 00:11:26,441 --> 00:11:27,681 Speaker 2: really liked send your photo. 297 00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:28,441 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. 298 00:11:28,561 --> 00:11:28,721 Speaker 2: You know. 299 00:11:28,841 --> 00:11:30,321 Speaker 3: But it's meeting in the middle, yetime. 300 00:11:30,361 --> 00:11:33,001 Speaker 2: It's like, okay, cool, I can't help you for four 301 00:11:33,081 --> 00:11:34,801 Speaker 2: day sex capade, but I. 302 00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:37,641 Speaker 1: Get why really important. 303 00:11:38,041 --> 00:11:40,961 Speaker 2: But maybe one day it is pun but maybe one day. 304 00:11:41,081 --> 00:11:42,921 Speaker 2: Or like with the packing thing, it's like, yes, I 305 00:11:42,961 --> 00:11:45,361 Speaker 2: can't offer you a whole weekend, but you know what 306 00:11:45,401 --> 00:11:47,201 Speaker 2: I can do. I can give you three hours of 307 00:11:47,201 --> 00:11:49,121 Speaker 2: my time, yes, and I can come and you know 308 00:11:49,161 --> 00:11:50,121 Speaker 2: what I'll bring lunch to. 309 00:11:50,681 --> 00:11:50,921 Speaker 1: Yeah. 310 00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:53,801 Speaker 2: It's really finding yourself in the middle. Okay, cool, what 311 00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:56,561 Speaker 2: actually feels good for me? And coming back into if 312 00:11:56,601 --> 00:11:59,201 Speaker 2: we were to ask each other these things again. Hey babe, 313 00:11:59,241 --> 00:12:00,961 Speaker 2: I'm just in the middle of something right now. Can 314 00:12:01,001 --> 00:12:03,121 Speaker 2: I give you a call in about an hour, give 315 00:12:03,161 --> 00:12:05,921 Speaker 2: yourself the time and space before you say yes. Yeah, 316 00:12:06,001 --> 00:12:08,441 Speaker 2: check in with yourself. You can't go wrong. And the 317 00:12:08,481 --> 00:12:11,521 Speaker 2: guilt part. People will pack on the guilt so hard, 318 00:12:12,001 --> 00:12:13,441 Speaker 2: but you have to be willing to be okay to 319 00:12:13,481 --> 00:12:15,721 Speaker 2: hold that guilt. Yes, because it's not yours to hold 320 00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:17,921 Speaker 2: as well. Yeah, that's their stuff. And you know what, 321 00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:21,201 Speaker 2: like you saying rescue them, you saying yes, Like, let's 322 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,641 Speaker 2: do a role play. Let's see if you can pack 323 00:12:22,641 --> 00:12:26,401 Speaker 2: on some guilt. Oh god, okay, don't use the four 324 00:12:26,441 --> 00:12:27,241 Speaker 2: day sex because of me? 325 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:31,441 Speaker 1: Why did I say four days? Fred? I'm just I 326 00:12:31,481 --> 00:12:34,481 Speaker 1: think one day I'll be enough. Okay, what's another scenario? 327 00:12:35,241 --> 00:12:37,561 Speaker 1: Oh hey, babes, you know how Steez been away. I'm 328 00:12:37,601 --> 00:12:41,201 Speaker 1: just so fucking exhausted. I've had no free time. I 329 00:12:41,281 --> 00:12:42,961 Speaker 1: got to this doctor's appointment and then I had this 330 00:12:43,001 --> 00:12:44,761 Speaker 1: other thing booked in that I've got this interview that 331 00:12:44,801 --> 00:12:46,601 Speaker 1: I cannot cancel, Like, are you able to come watch 332 00:12:46,641 --> 00:12:48,321 Speaker 1: the kids for me? By the way, I've never done 333 00:12:48,321 --> 00:12:50,681 Speaker 1: this to hers, so I'm Please'm no this is. 334 00:12:50,681 --> 00:12:51,361 Speaker 3: Role playing guys. 335 00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,681 Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh my gosh, babe, I'm so sorry that you 336 00:12:53,681 --> 00:12:55,601 Speaker 2: feeling stretched. And also I get it about the interview. 337 00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:56,321 Speaker 2: I don't blame you for. 338 00:12:56,481 --> 00:12:58,841 Speaker 1: It's so stressful. I'm so stressed, like I need to 339 00:12:58,841 --> 00:13:01,321 Speaker 1: get this done. Yeah, so don't. Yeah, babe, got no 340 00:13:01,401 --> 00:13:02,121 Speaker 1: family around. 341 00:13:02,441 --> 00:13:03,761 Speaker 3: Oh babe, I'm so sorry. 342 00:13:03,961 --> 00:13:07,721 Speaker 1: I want to laugh, interrupting her. Poor me. 343 00:13:10,321 --> 00:13:13,401 Speaker 2: We're like smiling at each other, look at me. 344 00:13:14,241 --> 00:13:16,041 Speaker 1: It's so hard because, as you know, I've got no 345 00:13:16,161 --> 00:13:18,801 Speaker 1: family around. Babies, there's like thirty five dollars an hour, 346 00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:21,081 Speaker 1: and like, I literally have to get this stuff done. Oh, 347 00:13:21,241 --> 00:13:23,441 Speaker 1: You're the only person I can rely on. Oh baby, 348 00:13:23,481 --> 00:13:24,921 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Wish I could shoult for you. 349 00:13:25,001 --> 00:13:25,401 Speaker 3: Right now. 350 00:13:25,441 --> 00:13:27,081 Speaker 2: I've got five back to back clients. 351 00:13:27,121 --> 00:13:28,721 Speaker 1: Would you just like cancel them or like put them 352 00:13:28,721 --> 00:13:30,801 Speaker 1: for next week or something, because I really need you. 353 00:13:30,681 --> 00:13:32,961 Speaker 2: Honestly, with being this last minute, I don't think that 354 00:13:33,001 --> 00:13:33,321 Speaker 2: I can. 355 00:13:33,961 --> 00:13:36,761 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, Well I helped you last weekend when I 356 00:13:36,761 --> 00:13:38,921 Speaker 1: had stuff on and I just like dropped everything for you. 357 00:13:39,121 --> 00:13:41,281 Speaker 2: I know, babe, And I'm really appreciative that you did 358 00:13:41,281 --> 00:13:43,081 Speaker 2: that for It doesn't feel like you're appreciative. 359 00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:44,601 Speaker 3: I am appreciative, babe. 360 00:13:46,961 --> 00:13:48,721 Speaker 1: Fuck, I would never say this to you. 361 00:13:48,721 --> 00:13:52,041 Speaker 2: No, it's so funny you trying to put on the 362 00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,161 Speaker 2: tone she should never. 363 00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:57,321 Speaker 1: Speak to it like it's getting stiff, like like my 364 00:13:57,401 --> 00:14:00,241 Speaker 1: abandonment will oh yeah, seriously. 365 00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:02,761 Speaker 2: But yeah, it happens. I'm so sorry, baby. I wish 366 00:14:02,761 --> 00:14:04,481 Speaker 2: that I could help it. Being so last minute, I 367 00:14:04,521 --> 00:14:05,201 Speaker 2: really don't that. 368 00:14:05,241 --> 00:14:06,721 Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know about it. I'm so sorry 369 00:14:06,761 --> 00:14:08,881 Speaker 1: I asked. I won't ask ever again, like I shouldn't 370 00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:10,761 Speaker 1: have asked. I knew I shouldn't have asked, Like fuck, 371 00:14:11,121 --> 00:14:12,921 Speaker 1: oh no, I'm just being annoying and it's my own 372 00:14:12,921 --> 00:14:15,081 Speaker 1: problems and yeah, I'm so sorry. Anyways, I've gotta go. 373 00:14:15,401 --> 00:14:16,081 Speaker 1: I'll switch to you later. 374 00:14:16,161 --> 00:14:18,041 Speaker 2: I'll talk to you later, man. And then it's like 375 00:14:18,121 --> 00:14:21,441 Speaker 2: this moment like when that happens, breakdown of connection, breakdown 376 00:14:21,481 --> 00:14:21,881 Speaker 2: of trust. 377 00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:22,881 Speaker 1: Yeah, one PC. 378 00:14:23,001 --> 00:14:24,481 Speaker 2: But also you've got to be willing to hold it 379 00:14:24,561 --> 00:14:29,681 Speaker 2: safety yeah yes, true, but also both people. Though for 380 00:14:29,801 --> 00:14:32,601 Speaker 2: both people that's true if we can build our tolerance 381 00:14:32,641 --> 00:14:34,921 Speaker 2: to holding the discomfort of guilt, and even in just 382 00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:37,441 Speaker 2: this moment, like say role playing still I've just gotten 383 00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:40,001 Speaker 2: off the phone with her, she's disappointed, I feel guilty. 384 00:14:40,121 --> 00:14:41,801 Speaker 3: I'm like, fuck, like, am I a bad friend? 385 00:14:41,841 --> 00:14:44,961 Speaker 2: Oh? My god, all of this rumination that's coming. I 386 00:14:45,001 --> 00:14:47,081 Speaker 2: can just take a big deep breath into this place. 387 00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:49,921 Speaker 2: It's okay that I feel guilty right now. But it 388 00:14:49,921 --> 00:14:51,761 Speaker 2: doesn't mean that I'm a bad friend, yeah, or that 389 00:14:51,801 --> 00:14:53,761 Speaker 2: you've done anything wrong, that I've done anything right, and 390 00:14:53,761 --> 00:14:55,761 Speaker 2: that it's not your job to save me or manage 391 00:14:55,801 --> 00:14:59,281 Speaker 2: my life and the decisions that I've made to have children. 392 00:15:01,721 --> 00:15:02,081 Speaker 1: Traveling. 393 00:15:02,161 --> 00:15:04,001 Speaker 2: And there was also something you said in there to 394 00:15:04,001 --> 00:15:05,961 Speaker 2: you of like, well I dropped O for you last week, 395 00:15:06,041 --> 00:15:09,721 Speaker 2: Oh triggered. Have my own experience with this, so with this, 396 00:15:10,161 --> 00:15:13,161 Speaker 2: just because somebody doesn't have any boundaries doesn't mean that 397 00:15:13,201 --> 00:15:16,481 Speaker 2: you're not allowed to exactly. People will push and project 398 00:15:16,601 --> 00:15:19,641 Speaker 2: their behavior unto your face, yeah, and put it back 399 00:15:19,641 --> 00:15:21,721 Speaker 2: onto you and expect you to behave in the same 400 00:15:21,761 --> 00:15:24,201 Speaker 2: way that they will because that's what they. 401 00:15:24,081 --> 00:15:24,721 Speaker 3: Do for others. 402 00:15:25,001 --> 00:15:27,321 Speaker 1: And they did it to get something back, not because 403 00:15:27,481 --> 00:15:29,681 Speaker 1: out of pure love, because they genuinely wanted to, which 404 00:15:29,681 --> 00:15:31,401 Speaker 1: is why this conversation is so important. 405 00:15:31,721 --> 00:15:34,721 Speaker 2: Checking in with yourself, what place does your decision come from, 406 00:15:34,761 --> 00:15:37,601 Speaker 2: and are you either supporting the relationship or hindering the 407 00:15:37,641 --> 00:15:40,841 Speaker 2: relationship because it's totally up to you. And also it 408 00:15:40,881 --> 00:15:44,081 Speaker 2: comes with an onslaught of really uncomfortable emotions like guilt 409 00:15:44,161 --> 00:15:46,761 Speaker 2: and shame and feeling like a bad friend and feeling 410 00:15:46,761 --> 00:15:49,601 Speaker 2: like you're selfish for putting yourself first, when in actual 411 00:15:49,641 --> 00:15:53,281 Speaker 2: fact you are taking care of yourself and in turn 412 00:15:53,401 --> 00:15:55,321 Speaker 2: taking care of all of the people around you too. 413 00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:58,321 Speaker 1: I can also imagine too, like if roles were reversed 414 00:15:58,601 --> 00:16:00,361 Speaker 1: and you did that role play and I got off 415 00:16:00,401 --> 00:16:02,401 Speaker 1: the phone and felt like a bad friend, I can 416 00:16:02,441 --> 00:16:04,601 Speaker 1: imagine what mean you would do in that situation or 417 00:16:04,721 --> 00:16:06,241 Speaker 1: other things. A lot of people would then pull away 418 00:16:06,241 --> 00:16:07,321 Speaker 1: and be like, oh my god, I can't believe she 419 00:16:07,361 --> 00:16:09,961 Speaker 1: tried to make me feel bad. What a bitch. She's 420 00:16:10,001 --> 00:16:13,041 Speaker 1: not understanding, whereas I feel like me and you taking 421 00:16:13,041 --> 00:16:16,441 Speaker 1: that big breath and getting back regulated would then come 422 00:16:16,441 --> 00:16:19,801 Speaker 1: from a place of compassion. I imagine you'd be like, Okay, 423 00:16:20,001 --> 00:16:22,281 Speaker 1: she's stressed, she's overwhelmed, she's got a kid, she has 424 00:16:22,281 --> 00:16:24,161 Speaker 1: to miss out on these appointments. I reckon you send 425 00:16:24,201 --> 00:16:26,241 Speaker 1: me a message of reassurance. Hey babe, once again, I'm 426 00:16:26,241 --> 00:16:28,121 Speaker 1: so sorry I couldn't show up for you today. I 427 00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:30,401 Speaker 1: hope you're okay, and any other day you know I'm 428 00:16:30,401 --> 00:16:30,801 Speaker 1: there for you. 429 00:16:31,081 --> 00:16:31,881 Speaker 3: I lovely so much. 430 00:16:32,041 --> 00:16:33,081 Speaker 2: Let me know how else I can help. 431 00:16:33,121 --> 00:16:35,881 Speaker 1: So in these situations, if your friend is struggling to communicate, 432 00:16:35,921 --> 00:16:37,921 Speaker 1: say no, one needs your help, whatever, you can still 433 00:16:38,001 --> 00:16:41,001 Speaker 1: lean into them and keep the bond protected and know 434 00:16:41,121 --> 00:16:43,681 Speaker 1: that everyone has hard times and is stressed and sometimes 435 00:16:43,681 --> 00:16:46,081 Speaker 1: says things I don't really mean either. I saw a 436 00:16:46,161 --> 00:16:48,521 Speaker 1: quote the other day actually, and it's like someone who 437 00:16:48,561 --> 00:16:52,121 Speaker 1: is emotionally mature can never truly hate someone because they 438 00:16:52,201 --> 00:16:54,841 Speaker 1: know there's a reason why they're like that something like that. 439 00:16:55,121 --> 00:16:57,641 Speaker 1: I was like, that's so true. When someone's acting out 440 00:16:57,761 --> 00:17:00,201 Speaker 1: or acting to behavior that you know they wouldn't be 441 00:17:00,241 --> 00:17:02,841 Speaker 1: proud of, It's like, who hurt you? What happened? Something's 442 00:17:02,881 --> 00:17:04,521 Speaker 1: happened to put you in that place to be like that, 443 00:17:04,521 --> 00:17:06,641 Speaker 1: You're not proud of that. When you come from that place, 444 00:17:06,641 --> 00:17:09,400 Speaker 1: and compassion, it just like diffuses it definitely, and it 445 00:17:09,441 --> 00:17:12,161 Speaker 1: stops it being their energy because you're sending them energetic love. 446 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,521 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, and also you stop I feel like in 447 00:17:14,521 --> 00:17:17,240 Speaker 2: that moment when you can lead from compassion, you're not 448 00:17:17,281 --> 00:17:18,080 Speaker 2: taking it personally. 449 00:17:18,241 --> 00:17:18,600 Speaker 1: So true. 450 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,441 Speaker 2: A good point you know, because it's like, well, if 451 00:17:20,481 --> 00:17:22,160 Speaker 2: it's not about me, I don't have anything to be 452 00:17:22,201 --> 00:17:24,720 Speaker 2: anxious about. Or maybe it's not about me, like what 453 00:17:24,761 --> 00:17:27,400 Speaker 2: you said, the curiosity, what if they are going through something? 454 00:17:27,761 --> 00:17:29,160 Speaker 2: What if they've had a really bad day? What is 455 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,360 Speaker 2: there something they're going through that I don't know about yet? Yeah, 456 00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:33,400 Speaker 2: and then you have compassion. Oh just the icing on 457 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,921 Speaker 2: the cake that tipped them over. Yes, Yeah, I feel 458 00:17:35,961 --> 00:17:39,081 Speaker 2: like when you can hold somebody else's response or reaction 459 00:17:39,561 --> 00:17:42,840 Speaker 2: without automatically assuming it's because of you, you're much more 460 00:17:43,201 --> 00:17:44,081 Speaker 2: open to support. 461 00:17:44,201 --> 00:17:45,840 Speaker 1: You know, another thing you could do on top of that. 462 00:17:45,961 --> 00:17:47,761 Speaker 1: So you got off the phone and you're like, fuck, 463 00:17:47,761 --> 00:17:50,200 Speaker 1: I feel like a bad friend or whatever. I assume 464 00:17:50,241 --> 00:17:52,001 Speaker 1: this is something that you and I would do. Also, 465 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:55,200 Speaker 1: is hey, babe, I feel like that phone call ended 466 00:17:55,561 --> 00:17:57,721 Speaker 1: not in the best energy. I don't want to assume it. 467 00:17:57,801 --> 00:17:59,400 Speaker 1: Just sort of make sure that we're all good. And 468 00:17:59,441 --> 00:18:01,400 Speaker 1: you didn't take it personally that I said. No, I 469 00:18:01,441 --> 00:18:03,360 Speaker 1: hope you've got enough evidence that I'm here for you 470 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,481 Speaker 1: for as much as I can. It's just as particular 471 00:18:05,521 --> 00:18:08,081 Speaker 1: time I had five clients. Yeah, don't take it personally. Yeah, 472 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,600 Speaker 1: I'm here for whatever else you need. I feel like. 473 00:18:10,761 --> 00:18:12,401 Speaker 2: Past conversations we've probably had. 474 00:18:12,561 --> 00:18:15,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, just another way that instead of like making it 475 00:18:15,241 --> 00:18:18,200 Speaker 1: about you and making it bigger and saying they're a 476 00:18:18,241 --> 00:18:20,360 Speaker 1: bitch or they're not nice or whatever, it's like, Oh, 477 00:18:20,481 --> 00:18:23,401 Speaker 1: let me just send another message of reassurance to bring 478 00:18:23,441 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 1: the connection back in the Hey, I hear you, and 479 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,281 Speaker 1: that didn't end very nicely or like it doesn't feel good. 480 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,400 Speaker 1: Want to bring this back in and check that you're okay. 481 00:18:30,561 --> 00:18:33,721 Speaker 2: Absolutely, Yeah, that's such a beautiful thing to remind people 482 00:18:33,761 --> 00:18:35,361 Speaker 2: as well that they can the. 483 00:18:35,321 --> 00:18:37,121 Speaker 1: Gap, you can be the leader in that, because it's 484 00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:39,961 Speaker 1: cool to have these role played conversations and speak about 485 00:18:39,961 --> 00:18:42,801 Speaker 1: boundaries and how to say no or yes. But in 486 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,840 Speaker 1: the real world, she like, this happens all the time 487 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,481 Speaker 1: with your partner, with your friends, with your family members 488 00:18:47,521 --> 00:18:49,961 Speaker 1: around Christmas time, Like we've did a whole episode on 489 00:18:50,001 --> 00:18:52,761 Speaker 1: it and not people pleasing. But when this happens, try 490 00:18:52,801 --> 00:18:54,321 Speaker 1: not to lean out, Try and lean back in and 491 00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:57,401 Speaker 1: show them they're still loved in their moments and show 492 00:18:57,441 --> 00:18:59,321 Speaker 1: them there's a better way to communicate and do this. 493 00:18:59,521 --> 00:19:01,360 Speaker 2: I love that you said that because we've been having 494 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:05,200 Speaker 2: many conversations about this about the priority being repair. Yes, 495 00:19:05,281 --> 00:19:08,120 Speaker 2: you know, the priority being repair in the relationship. It's like, yes, 496 00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:10,360 Speaker 2: we're human, we're going to fuck up, we're gonna make mistakes, 497 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,521 Speaker 2: we're going to have moments. We're not perfect all the time. 498 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:14,520 Speaker 2: So what are we going to do about it? What 499 00:19:14,561 --> 00:19:16,960 Speaker 2: do we do about it after the moment happens? And 500 00:19:16,961 --> 00:19:19,521 Speaker 2: I think that in itself is such a bridge to 501 00:19:19,561 --> 00:19:22,200 Speaker 2: connections and a fridge to connections. 502 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:22,680 Speaker 3: More connection. 503 00:19:22,801 --> 00:19:23,201 Speaker 1: Connection. 504 00:19:23,721 --> 00:19:25,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, that allows us to stay plugged into the people 505 00:19:25,921 --> 00:19:29,680 Speaker 2: that we love without creating those unintentional cracks in a 506 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:33,001 Speaker 2: relationship because, like what you said, immediately, the safety is 507 00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:36,160 Speaker 2: gone when this happens. Oh my gosh, I'm making this 508 00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:37,720 Speaker 2: mean that this person doesn't want to support me. 509 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,401 Speaker 3: Yes, they don't love me, they've lent out. 510 00:19:39,521 --> 00:19:41,960 Speaker 2: Yeah exactly, Well this person, now, this person's mad at 511 00:19:41,961 --> 00:19:43,561 Speaker 2: me because I didn't do what they wanted me to do. 512 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,400 Speaker 2: Oh shit, is our relationship not as strong as I 513 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:45,801 Speaker 2: thought it was? 514 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 3: Boom Ley. 515 00:19:46,321 --> 00:19:49,840 Speaker 1: Now yeah, then there's resentment and yeah, yeah, this connection crack. 516 00:19:49,921 --> 00:19:52,480 Speaker 2: The stories, the stories gotta clock those stories. 517 00:19:52,481 --> 00:19:53,321 Speaker 3: That's story cheeky. 518 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,561 Speaker 1: It can become so big you can make them your truth. 519 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,721 Speaker 1: Like if you truly believe that that's going to break 520 00:19:57,721 --> 00:19:59,201 Speaker 1: down your friendship or your relationship. 521 00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:01,481 Speaker 2: And then this is where the distance starts to happen, 522 00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:04,640 Speaker 2: because it's like they're both feeding stories that both aren't 523 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,720 Speaker 2: necessary really true for the what's actually happening up, but 524 00:20:07,721 --> 00:20:09,801 Speaker 2: it feels true in their mind. And then all of 525 00:20:09,801 --> 00:20:13,160 Speaker 2: a sudden, there's this big emotional roadblock in between these 526 00:20:13,201 --> 00:20:15,521 Speaker 2: two people, like, oh shit, now I don't feel safe. 527 00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 2: Now I can't come into this person. 528 00:20:17,041 --> 00:20:19,441 Speaker 1: Can I ask the velpe again? Yeah? And not there 529 00:20:19,481 --> 00:20:22,721 Speaker 1: for me. Oh they're not a true friend. Oh, one 530 00:20:22,761 --> 00:20:25,321 Speaker 1: story turns into ten stories. Yeah, and it's this big 531 00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:27,480 Speaker 1: monster in your head. Then you're looking at them differently 532 00:20:27,521 --> 00:20:28,281 Speaker 1: and you're judging them. 533 00:20:28,321 --> 00:20:30,801 Speaker 2: If we're in a bad mood, think about what we 534 00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:32,761 Speaker 2: had to do to get to that bad mood. It 535 00:20:32,801 --> 00:20:34,721 Speaker 2: didn't just all of a sudden boom, Now I'm in 536 00:20:34,761 --> 00:20:37,080 Speaker 2: a shit mood and I'm angry at you. It's I 537 00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:39,801 Speaker 2: had one thought, and then I fed that thought, and 538 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,041 Speaker 2: then because I fed that thought, it turned into twenty 539 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,480 Speaker 2: more and now I'm in a bad mood. 540 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,761 Speaker 1: One of the last thoughts I just was thinking of two, 541 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:49,161 Speaker 1: which we speak about so much. But it just keeps 542 00:20:49,241 --> 00:20:51,281 Speaker 1: coming up. Is to checking where your nervous systems at. 543 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,640 Speaker 1: If you're super disregulated, are you just saying yes for 544 00:20:54,681 --> 00:20:56,721 Speaker 1: the sake of it without even like taking a breath 545 00:20:56,761 --> 00:20:58,680 Speaker 1: to even ask yourself if you can fit that in, 546 00:20:58,721 --> 00:21:00,240 Speaker 1: if it feels right for you, Is that the right 547 00:21:00,281 --> 00:21:02,640 Speaker 1: decision for you? Does it fit in with your family? Like, 548 00:21:02,801 --> 00:21:05,281 Speaker 1: if you're disregulated, you're probably gonna make decisions that not 549 00:21:05,321 --> 00:21:07,880 Speaker 1: aligned or don't fit with you right now. So just 550 00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:10,121 Speaker 1: take some big breask, get yourself out of that red zone, 551 00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:12,161 Speaker 1: which we explain, and rise inside. If you haven't heard 552 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,521 Speaker 1: that yet, it's so powerful, get back in there, and 553 00:21:14,521 --> 00:21:16,200 Speaker 1: then make a decision that feels right for you in 554 00:21:16,201 --> 00:21:18,400 Speaker 1: that moment, or like we said earlier, say i'll get 555 00:21:18,441 --> 00:21:19,961 Speaker 1: back to you tomorrow or in a couple of days. 556 00:21:20,001 --> 00:21:22,080 Speaker 1: Times you've got that time to regulate, Yeah, and then 557 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,241 Speaker 1: make a decision that feels. 558 00:21:23,041 --> 00:21:23,400 Speaker 3: Good for you. 559 00:21:23,921 --> 00:21:26,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, Because if you're making decisions from an ungrounded place, 560 00:21:27,041 --> 00:21:28,880 Speaker 2: you're only going to make your life feel heavier in 561 00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:32,080 Speaker 2: three days from now. Yes, because it stacks right, doesn't it. 562 00:21:32,241 --> 00:21:35,161 Speaker 2: When you're overwhelmed and you're moving at a fast pace, 563 00:21:35,201 --> 00:21:37,441 Speaker 2: and you're feeling off steady and off tilt, and you're 564 00:21:37,441 --> 00:21:40,041 Speaker 2: saying yes to other people, but you're not even making 565 00:21:40,041 --> 00:21:42,480 Speaker 2: time for your life or your priorities, all the things 566 00:21:42,521 --> 00:21:44,761 Speaker 2: that are important to you, your work tasks. And now 567 00:21:44,761 --> 00:21:47,281 Speaker 2: you've got ten things that you've said yes to that 568 00:21:47,321 --> 00:21:49,721 Speaker 2: you're fucking resentful for that you have to do. Now 569 00:21:50,321 --> 00:21:51,641 Speaker 2: you're going to get to the end of the week 570 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:51,961 Speaker 2: and you're. 571 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:53,761 Speaker 3: Gonna break down. You're gonna have a cry. 572 00:21:53,801 --> 00:21:55,481 Speaker 2: You're gonna call you Bessie, and you're gonna ugly cry 573 00:21:55,521 --> 00:21:59,120 Speaker 2: to her in the FaceTime like I did on the weekend. Yeah, 574 00:21:59,241 --> 00:22:03,041 Speaker 2: because you're feeling so overstimulated and so overwhelmed. And this 575 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:04,961 Speaker 2: is why we will preach till the cows come home. 576 00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:08,960 Speaker 2: Like the nervous system regulation is their very first step 577 00:22:09,001 --> 00:22:11,521 Speaker 2: that you've got to take when it comes to anything 578 00:22:11,561 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 2: in life, anything in every parenting. I know this was 579 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:18,281 Speaker 2: a big one for you. Parenting, business, friendship, relationships, building 580 00:22:18,281 --> 00:22:21,161 Speaker 2: a life for yourself, whatever it is you're doing, it 581 00:22:21,201 --> 00:22:23,200 Speaker 2: makes it ten times harder if you're doing it with 582 00:22:23,241 --> 00:22:24,561 Speaker 2: a disregulated nervous system. 583 00:22:24,721 --> 00:22:26,801 Speaker 1: Yeah, just know that not every time, but a lot 584 00:22:26,801 --> 00:22:29,281 Speaker 1: of time when you're saying yes to everyone else. Yes, yes, yes, 585 00:22:29,801 --> 00:22:31,681 Speaker 1: just to people please and to fit in and fear 586 00:22:31,721 --> 00:22:34,881 Speaker 1: of rejection. You're saying no to yourself. You're abandoning yourself, 587 00:22:35,241 --> 00:22:38,041 Speaker 1: and over time that shit's exhausting builds up a lot 588 00:22:38,041 --> 00:22:40,801 Speaker 1: of resemblance to just be super conscious of where you're 589 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:42,801 Speaker 1: putting your time and energy and what you're saying yes to. 590 00:22:43,241 --> 00:22:45,680 Speaker 1: You know, the right people will respect you and be 591 00:22:45,761 --> 00:22:47,481 Speaker 1: okay with you saying no absolutely. 592 00:22:47,521 --> 00:22:49,801 Speaker 2: And I feel like this conversation kind of gets had 593 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,080 Speaker 2: a fair bit on social media of like just you know, 594 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,081 Speaker 2: if you're saying yes to others, you're saying no to yourself. 595 00:22:54,721 --> 00:22:57,041 Speaker 2: You won't know what it feels like to say yes 596 00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,081 Speaker 2: to yourself until you actually do it. 597 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,681 Speaker 3: Yeah, if you can build. 598 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:03,360 Speaker 2: Just the little bit, tiniest little bit of evidence of 599 00:23:03,441 --> 00:23:06,561 Speaker 2: choosing yourself, you'll start to feel that internal sense of 600 00:23:06,561 --> 00:23:08,321 Speaker 2: belief start to pick up and you'll be like, oh 601 00:23:08,321 --> 00:23:10,440 Speaker 2: my gosh, this feels really nice. Oh my god, I 602 00:23:10,441 --> 00:23:12,640 Speaker 2: did what I wanted for once, And you start to 603 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:15,240 Speaker 2: see this like a light in you, kind of like 604 00:23:15,281 --> 00:23:15,921 Speaker 2: a light. 605 00:23:15,721 --> 00:23:16,841 Speaker 3: Turn on for the first time. 606 00:23:16,921 --> 00:23:18,281 Speaker 2: Yeah, it starts to get a bit of color and 607 00:23:18,321 --> 00:23:20,041 Speaker 2: it flickers on and then all of a sudden, you've 608 00:23:20,041 --> 00:23:23,640 Speaker 2: got this liveliness about you. It's because you're now choosing 609 00:23:23,681 --> 00:23:26,480 Speaker 2: to live your life from a place that genuinely feels 610 00:23:26,481 --> 00:23:28,321 Speaker 2: good for you, and you get to have that. 611 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,801 Speaker 1: It's powerful. Thank you so much for tuning in. But 612 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,681 Speaker 1: before we go, Rise and Side, which is so exciting 613 00:23:34,001 --> 00:23:36,241 Speaker 1: if you're new here, it's our online subscription and every 614 00:23:36,281 --> 00:23:38,321 Speaker 1: single month we have a different theme and a different topic. 615 00:23:38,521 --> 00:23:40,521 Speaker 1: We take you through two trainings. We have a guest 616 00:23:40,561 --> 00:23:42,561 Speaker 1: expert come on for the third training. Then we have 617 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,641 Speaker 1: a live Q and a there's a workbook, there's meditation, 618 00:23:44,761 --> 00:23:47,360 Speaker 1: PEP talks, a school community where we'll get to communicate. 619 00:23:47,761 --> 00:23:51,480 Speaker 1: Next month in January is all around mindset and limiting belief. 620 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,600 Speaker 1: So if you've listened to any of these episodes out 621 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,080 Speaker 1: the last couple of months and you find you're just 622 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,920 Speaker 1: stuck in a negative mindset, you can't get out. You 623 00:23:57,961 --> 00:24:00,480 Speaker 1: feel like you're in a negative dark spiral. You have 624 00:24:00,561 --> 00:24:03,081 Speaker 1: limiting beliefs that are stopping you from building that business, 625 00:24:03,201 --> 00:24:05,841 Speaker 1: or taking that chance, or taking your risk. Just take 626 00:24:05,921 --> 00:24:08,160 Speaker 1: the next steps to achieve your goals. This is the 627 00:24:08,201 --> 00:24:09,761 Speaker 1: month for you and it's perfect. I feel like to 628 00:24:09,801 --> 00:24:10,801 Speaker 1: start off the new year with. 629 00:24:11,001 --> 00:24:15,281 Speaker 2: Absolutely and especially if you're finding yourself surrounded by old environments, 630 00:24:15,561 --> 00:24:18,200 Speaker 2: old people, old places, and you're just like not feeling 631 00:24:18,201 --> 00:24:20,840 Speaker 2: inspired at the moment, this is an opportunity if you 632 00:24:20,921 --> 00:24:22,881 Speaker 2: just get that little pep in your step again of like, oh, 633 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,640 Speaker 2: I'm shifting my environment. You've got to really be willing 634 00:24:25,721 --> 00:24:27,240 Speaker 2: to in the new year, but not just in the 635 00:24:27,241 --> 00:24:30,161 Speaker 2: new year, at every point of your life, put yourself 636 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,200 Speaker 2: into the rooms that you want to be in. You 637 00:24:32,281 --> 00:24:33,761 Speaker 2: want to change your mindset, you want to change the 638 00:24:33,801 --> 00:24:35,481 Speaker 2: way that you feel about yourself. You want to change 639 00:24:35,481 --> 00:24:38,281 Speaker 2: the way that you see opportunities for yourself. 640 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:40,201 Speaker 1: You get yourself in the room I love us saying. 641 00:24:40,241 --> 00:24:42,401 Speaker 1: It's like, if you're sick and tired of feeling sick 642 00:24:42,441 --> 00:24:45,081 Speaker 1: and tired of like your own bullshit. I always think, 643 00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:47,600 Speaker 1: would I be proud of if I was to stay 644 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:51,641 Speaker 1: in the same place mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually this time 645 00:24:51,681 --> 00:24:54,281 Speaker 1: next year. If you don't change anything, if you don't 646 00:24:54,281 --> 00:24:56,521 Speaker 1: work on yourself, if you don't keep digging deeper to 647 00:24:56,561 --> 00:24:58,961 Speaker 1: know the deeper layers of yourself, guarantee this time next 648 00:24:59,041 --> 00:25:00,160 Speaker 1: year you'll be like, what the fuck have I done? 649 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,441 Speaker 1: The last twelve months. Absolutely, I didn't do anything. I'm 650 00:25:02,481 --> 00:25:04,401 Speaker 1: still in the same spot. I'm still earning the same money, 651 00:25:04,441 --> 00:25:06,321 Speaker 1: I'm still surround by the same people. I don't feel 652 00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:09,760 Speaker 1: any different. What just happened in this twenty twenty five Yeah, like, 653 00:25:09,801 --> 00:25:12,321 Speaker 1: don't do that. Yeah, put yourself in a space where 654 00:25:12,321 --> 00:25:14,400 Speaker 1: you're going to be supported. You're going to grow and 655 00:25:14,521 --> 00:25:18,280 Speaker 1: learn and actually feel different. That woman that you know 656 00:25:18,441 --> 00:25:21,080 Speaker 1: you can be actually work towards becoming her, and we're 657 00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:22,801 Speaker 1: there to support you the whole way. Because we've done 658 00:25:22,801 --> 00:25:25,840 Speaker 1: this work, we're condensing it into a really playful, fun 659 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,920 Speaker 1: way that is easy to digest, easy to integrate, and 660 00:25:29,001 --> 00:25:31,240 Speaker 1: I guarantee every single month you will feel like a 661 00:25:31,241 --> 00:25:32,080 Speaker 1: completely new woman. 662 00:25:32,201 --> 00:25:32,401 Speaker 2: Yeah. 663 00:25:32,721 --> 00:25:34,880 Speaker 1: So cool. We'll leave all the details in the description 664 00:25:34,921 --> 00:25:37,160 Speaker 1: box below. If you have any questions about next month, 665 00:25:37,241 --> 00:25:38,840 Speaker 1: or if you want to join now and you haven't 666 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,160 Speaker 1: done month one. It's all based around Nervous System. It's 667 00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:43,880 Speaker 1: my favorite month. It's so freaking cool. Just send us 668 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:45,880 Speaker 1: a DM on the she Rises Instagram page. Will be 669 00:25:45,921 --> 00:25:48,161 Speaker 1: able to answer all your questions. We literally voice message everyone. 670 00:25:48,201 --> 00:25:51,241 Speaker 1: It's so far and so much fun. Happy to connect. Bye.