Speaker 1: I had someone once say to me, you realize that
Speaker 1: if you have a child, your career will come.
Speaker 2: To an end. And I believed it.
Speaker 1: The industry that I was in, there were very few
Speaker 1: females who had gone on to bigger and more senior
Speaker 1: roles and those who had had done it without having
Speaker 1: children or had stay at home husband. I go home
Speaker 1: and say to him, I'm not ready to have kids.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I want to have them. I
Speaker 1: don't want my career to stop.
Speaker 3: Hello there and welcome to separate bathrooms. I'm Cam Daddo,
Speaker 3: I'm Ali Dado.
Speaker 4: And this is our podcast. It is How are.
Speaker 3: You I'm very well, thank you excited about today?
Speaker 4: How do you feel about today's interview?
Speaker 2: I'm excited. I'm excited. Having had a little discussion with
Speaker 2: these two already and just noting their relationship, how long
Speaker 2: they've been together. I think they've got some really good
Speaker 2: wisdom to share with us and with everyone listening.
Speaker 3: Today we're talking with Carmela Galasso and her husband Adrian.
Speaker 3: Carmella is a highly successful execut She's the head of
Speaker 3: A and Z Banking Groups small business banking division. She's
Speaker 3: got relentless dedication to investing in the next generation of
Speaker 3: female leaders, and has earned herself several awards, including Mentor
Speaker 3: of the Year at the twenty eighteen Women's Finance Awards
Speaker 3: and a finalist in twenty nineteen. She runs A and
Speaker 3: Z Bank's Advancing Women in Management Program. She's an expert
Speaker 3: advisor as well at COOTCANNECS.
Speaker 2: Carmella really is a true inspiration. Not only has she
Speaker 2: accomplished incredible success in her corporate career, she's teaching others
Speaker 2: to do the same. I just love that. And look,
Speaker 2: she's not been immune to life's ups and downs and twists,
Speaker 2: including overcoming breast cancer. She's been married to Adrian for
Speaker 2: nearly thirty years. Adriane was recently recognized as a leading silk.
Speaker 2: Now what is that?
Speaker 3: I know?
Speaker 4: Like silk?
Speaker 2: I googled this because I thought, what are we talking
Speaker 2: about here? So a leading silk in the Legal five
Speaker 2: hundred Asia Specific Guide for Environment and Planning. So a
Speaker 2: silk is a high level barrister who wears the silk gowns.
Speaker 4: Though does he have to wear a wig as well?
Speaker 2: It's a big deal.
Speaker 4: It's a big deal.
Speaker 2: Yeah. He was also the twenty nineteen Planning environment Lawyer
Speaker 2: of the Year.
Speaker 3: And consistently in Doyle's guides leading planning an environment barristers.
Speaker 4: He's look, he's a big deal. They're both a big deal.
Speaker 3: Currently, Adrian is environmental Counsel to the Environment Protection Authority.
Speaker 3: So why did we bring Carmela and Adrian into our
Speaker 3: bathroom today?
Speaker 4: Honey?
Speaker 2: Well, it's not often that you hear of two really
Speaker 2: high powered people in a successful relationship. Like we just
Speaker 2: don't get enough information about that, those kind of couples,
Speaker 2: and we want to hear about how they manage their
Speaker 2: work and their life and their love and how do
Speaker 2: they balance it all out.
Speaker 3: Please welcome Carmela and Adrian.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming and joining us in
Speaker 2: the bathroom. We're so grateful that you can come and
Speaker 2: give us some time. Because you guys seem so busy,
Speaker 2: can you tell us a little bit how firsty, how
Speaker 2: did you guys meet?
Speaker 1: So we met over over twenty nine years ago. And
Speaker 1: the interesting thing about our relationship is you realize is
Speaker 1: that agent remembers the dates and I don't.
Speaker 5: Eighteenth June it was nice a nineteen ninety two.
Speaker 1: There you go, So some of you would have still
Speaker 1: been six thirty at night.
Speaker 2: It was there. You got here, now, how.
Speaker 4: Do you know that what happened at six thirty? It
Speaker 4: was at June, So it was set there.
Speaker 5: Well, I'm cutting Carmela off and old do that, But
Speaker 5: we were we were set up by at that time
Speaker 5: was a client of mine.
Speaker 3: I was a set time.
Speaker 5: And they were friends of Kamella's parents, and it was
Speaker 5: a setup at their house in Molara. And I remember
Speaker 5: the time because I'd finished the workday and I went
Speaker 5: over to get a document signed or something or other.
Speaker 1: So there I were, he was, and I remember rocking
Speaker 1: in and he was sort of there was a big
Speaker 1: group of us and sort of they were a bit
Speaker 1: older than we were, and it was they were a
Speaker 1: lot older than we. There you go, that was probably
Speaker 1: our age now, but he was so much older. But
Speaker 1: they had invited me over for a drink, and so
Speaker 1: we'd gone over and hindsight I realized, well we subsequently
Speaker 1: we realized that we'd been set up by my parents
Speaker 1: and her and I remember rocking in and here's this guy.
Speaker 1: And at the time, Agrian used to smoke and he
Speaker 1: had a cigarette in one hand, Scotch and the other
Speaker 1: and he had sort of long hair that he used
Speaker 1: to wear slip back, very good and get go like.
Speaker 3: Friend was ninety two.
Speaker 1: It was ninety two, so he thought he was very cool,
Speaker 1: and I remember thinking, oh yeah, and he was quite lovely,
Speaker 1: and we sort of got chatting and we'd sort of
Speaker 1: all went out for dinner and then afterwards and he
Speaker 1: asked me out and I said, oh, look, I need
Speaker 1: a little bit of time. I need the weekend to
Speaker 1: sort out some I can't stuff that something on him
Speaker 1: because I was dating someone else. And he said that's fine,
Speaker 1: because I can't either, And what did you do?
Speaker 5: I did a similar thing.
Speaker 2: So you were dating with someone else to someone else.
Speaker 1: And then we went out, and I remember getting home
Speaker 1: my mother said to me, oh, what was it like?
Speaker 2: Who was he? What was he like?
Speaker 1: And I said, oh, was a nice guy. I don't
Speaker 1: remember muchbout him except he had a gap in his teeth,
Speaker 1: and that's all I remembered about him.
Speaker 2: But anyway, twenty nine years later, we're still together. Fantastic.
Speaker 2: So your parents must have been happy singers. Though it
Speaker 2: came from a setup situation, it must have been, like I'm.
Speaker 5: Not sure happiness was necessarily the word, but they weren't
Speaker 5: against it and it Yeah, well, yeah.
Speaker 1: My parents I was quite young. I was twenty two
Speaker 1: and my parents are like really And I'd always said
Speaker 1: I wouldn't get married until I was thirty, and I
Speaker 1: wanted to do lots of things. And then you meet
Speaker 1: I met Adrian, and I thought, well, what are we
Speaker 1: waiting for?
Speaker 2: Things change?
Speaker 4: How were you Adrian?
Speaker 5: I was twenty seven, right, so it was five year
Speaker 5: age difference between us.
Speaker 1: No, I look so much younger.
Speaker 3: No, well, you're actually quite similar to us, because when
Speaker 3: Allie married me, she was twenty two and I was
Speaker 3: twenty six.
Speaker 5: Yeah, there you go, very similar.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, young, we were really.
Speaker 5: Young when you look back on it now, like, although,
Speaker 5: to be frank, and I've said this become Ella in
Speaker 5: the past. At that time, I think because most of
Speaker 5: my friends by then had married, most of the friends
Speaker 5: that grew up with had married and had started having
Speaker 5: children and the like. I thought it was an older
Speaker 5: I thought it was an older married man than a
Speaker 5: younger one. But we'll look back on it now. Maybe
Speaker 5: by today's standard's twenty eight, it's not that old at all.
Speaker 1: And yet I thought I was the reverse, whereas I
Speaker 1: was one of the first to be getting married, and
Speaker 1: so I was at the other extreme of like I thought,
Speaker 1: I was really young. When I look back at a
Speaker 1: lot of my friends who then all got married well
Speaker 1: into their late twenties and thirties, I was one of
Speaker 1: the youngest.
Speaker 3: If you had a daughter, would you say get married
Speaker 3: at twenty two?
Speaker 1: Probably not, and not for any other reason that you
Speaker 1: don't really start to get to know yourself until you're
Speaker 1: later on in your twenties, and I think that twenty
Speaker 1: two you're still developing. You don't know who you really are.
Speaker 1: That I think you need that time to give yourself
Speaker 1: space to grow. Now, if you meet the right person,
Speaker 1: who are we to say no? But I think that
Speaker 1: I would probably say, give yourself some time if the
Speaker 1: right person, and they'll hang out, they'll wait with you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we couldn't understand why our families weren't really excited.
Speaker 2: We got engaged after two and a half months or
Speaker 2: three months, which was.
Speaker 5: Yeah we was nine months. Yeah, that's seven months of
Speaker 5: that was just about letting the time run. I mean
Speaker 5: I could have married Carmella by about the third date.
Speaker 2: Oh that's beautiful. What was it about her that you knew?
Speaker 5: I don't know. It just fit and it was right,
Speaker 5: and I couldn't see any reason to wait anymore. Right,
Speaker 5: And so when she answered you know your question Cam
Speaker 5: a few moments ago about advocating getting married at twenty two,
Speaker 5: for me, yeah, it's good to aim for it. I
Speaker 5: would have thought it's good to aim for an age
Speaker 5: just for the sake of maturity and life's lessons. But
Speaker 5: if the right person comes along, yeah, I mean, you
Speaker 5: guys are an example of that from which you've just seen,
Speaker 5: and I certainly feel that we are. Kamella didn't intend
Speaker 5: getting married at twenty three, I'm sure of it, but
Speaker 5: it happened. It happened because we met. So yeah, I
Speaker 5: think you've just got to play play wood stilled you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean there's lots to cover in this because
Speaker 3: I mean, I can see a lot of similarities between us,
Speaker 3: given how young we were when we got married and
Speaker 3: what you said before, come about being young and you
Speaker 3: don't have that life experience, and that's what I think.
Speaker 3: There's a yin and a yang to every moment, you know,
Speaker 3: in terms of there's a good and a bad, or
Speaker 3: a positive and a negative to everything. And I think
Speaker 3: we were married too young. Yet the good part about that,
Speaker 3: I think for us was that because we were young,
Speaker 3: we had so much to grow together early, So you
Speaker 3: know that that kind of helped us, I think along
Speaker 3: the way. Was that similar with you guys?
Speaker 4: Did you make mistakes?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Absolutely, like you would. There are times and Agent knows this.
Speaker 1: There are times that I'm sure he thought, I don't
Speaker 1: even know why I'm here, and I thought to myself,
Speaker 1: what am I doing here? This is really hard, and
Speaker 1: have I done the wrong thing? And my friends were
Speaker 1: still partying, and I still wanted to go and party.
Speaker 1: And Agent was so good about it, like he would
Speaker 1: tolerate it. And then he'd say, you kind of need
Speaker 1: to pull your head back.
Speaker 2: In a bit.
Speaker 1: And he was really good about it. He was more
Speaker 1: mature than I was. There's no doubt he was living
Speaker 1: away from home. I was a good Italian girl, living
Speaker 1: at home with my parents till the day I got married.
Speaker 2: So I had never lived away.
Speaker 1: I had really not been away until I got married,
Speaker 1: And so he was really tolerant of that. Did we
Speaker 1: make mistakes? Yes, did crack the proverbial and he went
Speaker 1: his way, you know, and he'd run after one room
Speaker 1: and I'd go to the other and yeah, there was that,
Speaker 1: would you agree.
Speaker 5: I think also there's a component of change that happens
Speaker 5: with time. I mean, I'm a very different person now
Speaker 5: than I was when we married. I can't talk for Carmella,
Speaker 5: but as far as I can observe, she's different as well.
Speaker 5: And we often say that if you happen to grow
Speaker 5: in similar directions, and that's a great thing. So I
Speaker 5: don't know that you work at it. I think you
Speaker 5: develop tolerance levels and patients and things like that facilitate it.
Speaker 5: But I think it's also a coincidence of direction that
Speaker 5: you end up still being where you are. And perhaps
Speaker 5: you guys feel the same.
Speaker 2: Well, it's one of the things, you know, as we're
Speaker 2: coming up in our thirtieth that I actually look back
Speaker 2: on with so much tenderness because I've seen the amount
Speaker 2: of growth, because I'm watching you cam as a man
Speaker 2: and go wow, Like when I met you, you were
Speaker 2: so young, and I've watched you, you know, withther all
Speaker 2: the challenges and just go up and down and work
Speaker 2: through this and change that. And I wouldn't have been
Speaker 2: able to see that had I met you as a
Speaker 2: thirty five year old or as much older. And I
Speaker 2: think I feel really fortunate to have witnessed that in you.
Speaker 2: So that's where I love the fact that we've been
Speaker 2: together since we were young.
Speaker 3: You guys took your time to have your child seventeen years.
Speaker 3: Was that planned or was that just just happened that way?
Speaker 5: It was actually all planned in the scenes that Carmella
Speaker 5: had a career, and in her career, the perception was
Speaker 5: that children might stagnate the career path. In fact I
Speaker 5: said it would, in fact you said it would or that.
Speaker 1: So the industry that I was in, we did take
Speaker 1: a long time because as our careers were taking off,
Speaker 1: what had happened to me was they had said to me,
Speaker 1: And I was pretty insecure in my ability, as most
Speaker 1: a lot of females are, right, we don't believe that
Speaker 1: were as good as they.
Speaker 3: As, especially in that time, in the time you're talking
Speaker 3: about you're talking about the nineties, late.
Speaker 1: Nineties, early two thousands, there were very few females who
Speaker 1: had gone on to bigger and more senior roles, and
Speaker 1: those who had had done it without having children or
Speaker 1: had stay at home husband. So one of them stayed
Speaker 1: at home, and so they kept saying I had someone
Speaker 1: once say to me, who was a kind hearted mentor,
Speaker 1: but a male who didn't wear a female had said,
Speaker 1: you realize that if you have a child, your career
Speaker 1: will come to an end. And I believed it, and
Speaker 1: so poor Adrian I go home and say to him,
Speaker 1: I'm not ready to have kids. I don't know if
Speaker 1: I want to have them. I don't want my career
Speaker 1: to stop. And he's like mm hmm, okay. And there
Speaker 1: were times that I said to him, if you really
Speaker 1: want kids, you're going to have to find someone else.
Speaker 1: And I love you enough for you to go to
Speaker 1: someone else if that's what you want. And what was yours?
Speaker 1: Your aunt?
Speaker 5: Well, I said, I mean kids would be nice, but
Speaker 5: in the sort of historical, assumed way. But I was
Speaker 5: there because I loved Carmella, and if that's the way
Speaker 5: it was going to go, that was the way it
Speaker 5: was going to go. So I'd resigned to us not
Speaker 5: having kids. So the answer first party question cam is yeah,
Speaker 5: it was planned in the sense of there was a
Speaker 5: conscious decision by Carmella and a sort of subconscious decision
Speaker 5: by me that we weren't going to have children. For
Speaker 5: Carmella's career path, and I was more fortunate in the
Speaker 5: sense that it didn't matter whether I had kids or
Speaker 5: night for my career. So in fairness, I thought she
Speaker 5: should be entitled to give her career as good ago
Speaker 5: as it could. The second part of the answer is
Speaker 5: and this was planned. She was never forget it. She
Speaker 5: was thirty nine, and not literally one day, but almost
Speaker 5: literally one day said my god, I'm a thirty nine.
Speaker 5: We don't have a kid soon, We're not going to
Speaker 5: have one, and the switch was flicked. Now what happened
Speaker 5: between the early part of the story and the second part.
Speaker 5: I suppose it was part of Carmella's realization that the
Speaker 5: bad information she had been given before was wrong. So,
Speaker 5: you know, having said, well, let's have.
Speaker 4: A kid, we had a kid, you seem bad.
Speaker 5: It is that, like the one about.
Speaker 4: Affecting your career.
Speaker 1: Irony was that a woman or a man man said
Speaker 1: that to me, and multiple men had said that to me.
Speaker 1: Is you know who were all people who were all
Speaker 1: kind and wanted to give you some advice and don't
Speaker 1: you know, and wanted you to do well and one
Speaker 1: of us their intentions were all very honorable. But the
Speaker 1: view there is is that they looked at it from
Speaker 1: their perspective, not from mine. And yeah, so so agent's right.
Speaker 1: I remember one night saying to him, right, I would
Speaker 1: really like to be pregnant by the time I'm forty
Speaker 1: and he's like, but you're thirty nine, and you do
Speaker 1: realize there's not a lot of time. And I said,
Speaker 1: that's okay. We can make this work and we can
Speaker 1: make it happen. And look, we were fortunate and we did,
Speaker 1: but we always knew that we'd probably only have one
Speaker 1: and that's what we kind.
Speaker 5: Of the irony of it all is that going back
Speaker 5: to the original part of the story, which was the
Speaker 5: information should be given by her quote mentors end quote
Speaker 5: about children affecting her career is since we've had the child,
Speaker 5: Camella's career is boomed.
Speaker 2: Well, that was my next question you had.
Speaker 5: And whether it's I'm sure she would put it down
Speaker 5: to the compassion that you get from having a child.
Speaker 3: The compassion you receive, or the compassion you as a
Speaker 3: mother you give, the compassion, the.
Speaker 5: Compassion within yourself, not externally, but your way of thinking
Speaker 5: and your way of looking at things. That has meant
Speaker 5: that she's been a bit much more from what I
Speaker 5: can tell a much better leader. And that's just meant
Speaker 5: her career as skyrocketed. Whether it would have gotten to
Speaker 5: the same place had she had a child earlier, you
Speaker 5: never know, because you know, having it earlier, you're in
Speaker 5: a different stage of your career path.
Speaker 2: And it doesn't matter because I know that you've done
Speaker 2: yes story.
Speaker 5: So, yeah, seventeen years and we've got a ten year
Speaker 5: old son who's pretty special, and he'll be eleven in August,
Speaker 5: and he's good.
Speaker 2: It's pretty awesome. Carmela. You actually mentor women in business,
Speaker 2: don't you. So what's your advice now to women in
Speaker 2: that way when they want to get pregnant and have
Speaker 2: a family.
Speaker 1: Well, that's a lot of what I talked to them
Speaker 1: about because I always said that if ever I was
Speaker 1: in a position where I could affect change, I would
Speaker 1: And that was my conversation with a lot of them
Speaker 1: that come to me and say, what do you think
Speaker 1: I should do it? I'm like, absolutely, do not let
Speaker 1: a career or a job dictate your future, because I
Speaker 1: always say that the legacy we leave behind is not
Speaker 1: the work we do, is not this. It's not the
Speaker 1: jobs that we do. It's our children and the quality
Speaker 1: of human beings that we raise. And so my advice
Speaker 1: to all of them is absolutely have them. It'll make
Speaker 1: you a better person as an employee, an employee, er,
Speaker 1: a leader once you have the children, rather than not.
Speaker 1: And I think that that's my counsel to them because
Speaker 1: I know that I got what I think was the
Speaker 1: wrong advice at the time.
Speaker 2: Is it difficult for the both of you because you
Speaker 2: have very full on jobs and you work very hard
Speaker 2: for both of you to find that family work time balance.
Speaker 5: No, I don't think so.
Speaker 2: No, Oh God, how do you do it? Then?
Speaker 5: I think it's simple for me. It's a simple thing
Speaker 5: like during the week, make sure that I'm home before
Speaker 5: dinner and we have dinner together. We've always had dinner together.
Speaker 5: As silly as and as fundamental as that sounds. We
Speaker 5: try to have breakfast together in the morning, and weekends
Speaker 5: are as much as possible handed over to family. I mean,
Speaker 5: if it's Benjamin's sport or Benjamin's interests or Camello's got
Speaker 5: something on, we try to do it as a family.
Speaker 5: I think you've got to make a conscious decision for it,
Speaker 5: about it and make it happen. It's just about time
Speaker 5: allocation at the end of the day. Really, I mean,
Speaker 5: it's no different to running a professional diary. You're just
Speaker 5: putting different entries in and you know, to use a
Speaker 5: cliche a, you're just prioritizing what actually matters.
Speaker 1: And for us, because we did have him so late,
Speaker 1: we were very conscious that we were going to make
Speaker 1: sure that he became our number one priority on weekends,
Speaker 1: that we would spend quality time with him rather than quantity,
Speaker 1: and that for us is really important. He's blessed, he's
Speaker 1: got two parents, one child. He gets all of our attention,
Speaker 1: but we make it work. And look, maybe it's because
Speaker 1: we're a bit more seeing that we can make those
Speaker 1: calls now.
Speaker 5: It's much easier for me at my age now than
Speaker 5: had we had a child. I mean, you know, the
Speaker 5: discussion's got now gone full circle. Had we had a
Speaker 5: child twelve years earlier or fifteen years earlier than we did,
Speaker 5: it would have been more difficult because my seniority would
Speaker 5: have meant that I didn't have as much control over
Speaker 5: my time then as I do now, So it's easier.
Speaker 1: I've always been an advocate of and I say this
Speaker 1: to people, pay for what you can don't get hung
Speaker 1: up on the cleaning of the house. If you can
Speaker 1: afford to have someone clean the house or do the ironing,
Speaker 1: do that because it means that you then put that
Speaker 1: time back into either your own personal well being or
Speaker 1: your family well being. And that doesn't mean you have
Speaker 1: to get everything done, but whatever, you can make sure
Speaker 1: that you've got that there, and so we've made compromises
Speaker 1: to make sure that that's there in our life so
Speaker 1: that we can spend time with us as a family.
Speaker 2: Do you think part of the success of your marriage
Speaker 2: is because you've both got such strong work ethics that
Speaker 2: that's also played into your marriage. Be both successful, so
Speaker 2: you both hard workers. Does that like the two of
Speaker 2: you on that same level workways, Has that really assisted
Speaker 2: your marriage? Do you feel I do?
Speaker 1: I think that what it's done is it gives us
Speaker 1: an ability to have a line life and a hard
Speaker 1: working life away from the family and so our careers
Speaker 1: and when we come together, you know that it gives
Speaker 1: us something to talk about. We have our interests are
Speaker 1: different but similar in some ways.
Speaker 2: Our careers are different.
Speaker 1: So where's it is really interesting? And it also gives
Speaker 1: us an opportunity that if he's working really hard. I understand.
Speaker 1: I may not understand the total intricacies of his job,
Speaker 1: but what I do understand is that the days are long,
Speaker 1: that they're hard, that he's exhausted, he's spent. By the
Speaker 1: time he gets home. You know, he's spent, and he's
Speaker 1: it's been a long day in court. You know he's
Speaker 1: given it one hundred percent. And we often talk about
Speaker 1: leaving nothing in the tank, and I know that both
Speaker 1: of us, when we get home, we leave nothing in
Speaker 1: the tank. And so I think that that's really given
Speaker 1: us an understanding of where we both are all be it.
Speaker 1: It's not we don't have the same careers, but we
Speaker 1: understand from a work ethic perspective, Yeah.
Speaker 3: What's the biggest issue that challenges your marriage?
Speaker 4: Do you think?
Speaker 1: From my perspective is I think Agent may comment before
Speaker 1: that I take the line's share of things that are
Speaker 1: happening with Benjamin. So there are times that I don't
Speaker 1: restrg I get home and then there's dinner on, and
Speaker 1: then dinner finishes, and I'm getting ready for the next
Speaker 1: day because I always think to myself, well, I don't
Speaker 1: know what's going to happen tomorrow morning. There could be
Speaker 1: a disaster and I need to go, and so everything's done,
Speaker 1: Whereas he's like, he never thinks to himself, oh should
Speaker 1: I get up and see if carme Ellen needs a
Speaker 1: hand unless I yell out I go, Can you go
Speaker 1: and get Benjamin's runners?
Speaker 2: So he doesn't think, well, tonight came.
Speaker 1: But other than that, I think twenty eight years where
Speaker 1: you are great friends and we got to spend so
Speaker 1: much time together before Benjamin.
Speaker 2: That we're the best of friends.
Speaker 1: Like I've got best friends who are girls, but Adrian's
Speaker 1: There isn't anything I wouldn't tell Adrian, you know, there
Speaker 1: isn't anything that's happened in my life that he doesn't
Speaker 1: And even just.
Speaker 5: Hanging out together, I mean we you know, in an
Speaker 5: answer to an earlier question, we were talking about spending
Speaker 5: time as a family unit, but also spending time as
Speaker 5: a couple. I mean, we were recouple for a lot
Speaker 5: of years before someone else came along and on the
Speaker 5: on life's path, he's going to leave the nest, if
Speaker 5: that's the right metaphor, in due course and we'll be
Speaker 5: back to the couple again. So we we try to
Speaker 5: do things which are a couple based things not not
Speaker 5: to the exclusion of our son. But if he's not
Speaker 5: around that we don't need him to gell us together.
Speaker 5: We're quite happy in each other's company. In fact, we
Speaker 5: quite quite like it. I mean, the current the current issue,
Speaker 5: to be frank, is the one that the whole world
Speaker 5: is complaining about, and that is the holidays that we
Speaker 5: used to so we haven't had. We haven't had the
Speaker 5: holidays that we use and have used in the past
Speaker 5: for that recharge that we were talking about. But that's okay,
Speaker 5: that's you know, we're all healthy, we're in a great country.
Speaker 5: That's that's able to walk around in the fact that
Speaker 5: the four of us can be in this room per
Speaker 5: se let alone, with masks and all the rest of
Speaker 5: it means that it's but a small problem. But yeah, beyond.
Speaker 1: That, that sounds we sound really boring, and I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: No, we don't need the friction. We don't have love belove,
Speaker 2: but we.
Speaker 4: Need examples of this.
Speaker 3: The thing, it's the idea of you know, someone's perfect
Speaker 3: or whatever. I mean, Look, everyone's normal until you get
Speaker 3: to meet them. Sure we'll get to know them. Rather,
Speaker 3: we all have our challenges and also some seem to
Speaker 3: have less challenges.
Speaker 4: Than others.
Speaker 3: But it's also when you meet someone who has less challenges,
Speaker 3: it's something to aspire to and go, Okay, what's your secret?
Speaker 3: How This is why we started this podcast really was
Speaker 3: because people were putting us up on a pedestal going
Speaker 3: couple goals and you guys have no idea because.
Speaker 5: In your industry it's good. I mean, it's classic to
Speaker 5: say that it's the exception rather than the rule.
Speaker 3: Isn't it to be together this long for that long probably.
Speaker 5: Means to physically?
Speaker 4: Not?
Speaker 5: Probably, I mean it definitely would definitely be the case.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I probably.
Speaker 5: Yes.
Speaker 2: I mean if I.
Speaker 5: What's your biggest challenge? Then I mean I shouldn't be
Speaker 5: asking you questions, but there's one.
Speaker 2: Where do I start?
Speaker 5: Seriously?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Yeah, so you can't mention that. You can't mention thirty
Speaker 5: years and have a big list of Yeah, oh gosh,
Speaker 5: its possible to do so.
Speaker 2: That I know. It's it's so true. I mean in
Speaker 2: some of them, some of them are small. And it
Speaker 2: depends in the moment too, doesn't it what we're what
Speaker 2: we're working with. I mean, currently it's financial stuff, but
Speaker 2: it's not but it's not with each other. It's just
Speaker 2: a life.
Speaker 3: It's dealing with it and then and then how I
Speaker 3: deal with with lack and the whole idea around lack
Speaker 3: and where that sends me down a down, a whole
Speaker 3: rabbit warren, and then Allie's way of dealing with it too.
Speaker 4: So that's the.
Speaker 3: Challenge because sometimes I'll tend to withdraw, and then in
Speaker 3: that withdrawal, I'll often spit.
Speaker 5: Out, you know, But that's the Frital fly league, you know,
Speaker 5: flight reaction though when you which.
Speaker 2: We all do.
Speaker 1: And so please don't think for a moment.
Speaker 5: Money issues are not foreign to us either. I mean
Speaker 5: they and the other thing about it is, you know,
Speaker 5: in twenty eight years, the money issues are wide and varied.
Speaker 5: You know, sometimes they're good and sometimes they're not so good,
Speaker 5: and sometimes they're self inflicted and sometimes otherwise. But yeah,
Speaker 5: it's always it's always a pressure component.
Speaker 1: I can remember in the early days of Adrian's career,
Speaker 1: we'd sort of we'd gotten married. And I talk about
Speaker 1: this because I think it's if I may is he'd changed.
Speaker 1: He was a successful solicitor and he was a partner,
Speaker 1: and then he goes off to become a barrister and
Speaker 1: he'd gone from earning some good money to then all
Speaker 1: of a sudden not and he's coming home and saying
Speaker 1: to me, I don't want to do this.
Speaker 2: I hate it, I hate it.
Speaker 1: I just don't want to do this. And he would
Speaker 1: have sleepless nights and he didn't have the work, and
Speaker 1: he would he it was just a torture for him.
Speaker 1: And I remember saying to him, it's okay, we'll get
Speaker 1: through it. But I can understand also as a man
Speaker 1: who's a very proud man who says, well, I want
Speaker 1: to provide for my family or my wife at the time,
Speaker 1: but for you, it would be for your family. You
Speaker 1: think that's another stereo typical thing that happens, right, You
Speaker 1: need to provide, Yes, you do, but it's not just yours,
Speaker 1: it's ours. And I think that that's the piece that
Speaker 1: is hard when you talk about money, because there becomes
Speaker 1: quite stereo.
Speaker 2: Stereotypical, if I can use.
Speaker 1: That word, where the man feels they must and the
Speaker 1: woman and it doesn't like it doesn't. And I think
Speaker 1: that we're in it as a team, as you guys are.
Speaker 1: We're a team and it will work it out and
Speaker 1: whatever that is. And sometimes it becomes really hard and
Speaker 1: other times you talk through it and you realize we
Speaker 1: can get through it, and you just make those decisions.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's always better when you work as a team,
Speaker 2: isn't it. Like whenever we're trying to solve things and
Speaker 2: we're butting heads, nothing gets solved. But as soon as
Speaker 2: we joined together as a team, we can we make
Speaker 2: things happen.
Speaker 3: So yeah, and you set it, talk through it, communicate
Speaker 3: and that's one of the things that we do. And
Speaker 3: in the past, how do we get that couple time.
Speaker 3: It's been getting in the car and heading off on
Speaker 3: a road trip, even if it's for an hour.
Speaker 1: Away from the kids and no one else is talking.
Speaker 3: To just the two of us. And then and that's
Speaker 3: I always fall in love again on a road trip.
Speaker 3: I just I always do. God, this is what it is.
Speaker 3: This is who we are, you know, and you're listening.
Speaker 3: You might put a CD on, you know of a
Speaker 3: La Love It or a Jump High It or something
Speaker 3: our music that we fell in love to.
Speaker 5: But that's the thing you're going back to where you
Speaker 5: started and while you got together, and while you are together,
Speaker 5: I mean the children, the lovely and they're an important
Speaker 5: part of the family unit. But at the end of
Speaker 5: the day, the core is you as a couple. The
Speaker 5: time is important that and the discussion is important. But
Speaker 5: I think for me to fundamental things are tolerance and respect.
Speaker 5: I think I think the minute you lose respect and
Speaker 5: the minute you don't exhibit tolerance, and.
Speaker 1: You may as well go your separate ways. And I
Speaker 1: think that respect thing. And I've got to say that
Speaker 1: that I've never once felt that I don't have. I
Speaker 1: feel like an equal in our family and our relationship.
Speaker 1: And it's and I have a number of friends who
Speaker 1: aren't in that position and they talk to me about it,
Speaker 1: and I do feel like he's equal. I don't. He
Speaker 1: has never made me feel like anything but his equal,
Speaker 1: and I think that that's an important part of any
Speaker 1: relationship and I thank him for it. And I've often
Speaker 1: said this to him, that it's the thing that makes
Speaker 1: me feel like my voices is equal to his and
Speaker 1: what's important to him. At times, I'll step back and say, Okay,
Speaker 1: if that's important to you, well okay, we'll do that.
Speaker 1: But he'll say to me, if something else is really important,
Speaker 1: I'll go, well, okay, I'll you know whoever it's the
Speaker 1: most important too. But we're very much equals.
Speaker 3: Would that be right?
Speaker 2: At the end of our podcast because we loved having
Speaker 2: you two in, we do something called a two minute
Speaker 2: shower because we're all about the environment here. Okay, right,
Speaker 2: so we do.
Speaker 5: Sure I have one of those little water saving.
Speaker 2: It does it does? It does? It's for two minutes
Speaker 2: and they're in the shower together and it's only two minutes.
Speaker 2: It's quick, quick, quick fire questions, quick fire answers.
Speaker 5: Right for it.
Speaker 3: So question one favorite moment together?
Speaker 2: Quick help.
Speaker 5: Favorite moment Watching Hoodie and the Blowfish on Long Island,
Speaker 5: New York.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that was very cool.
Speaker 5: Caught the train from New York up to Long Island
Speaker 5: and jumped in a cab with the with the they're
Speaker 5: actually the travel agents for the band, and really watch them.
Speaker 5: Watch them. Was a stage that was only probably as
Speaker 5: big as three or four of these studios with a
Speaker 5: with a rotating stage, and it was out of control.
Speaker 5: It was amazing looking at each other game, which is awesome.
Speaker 5: I only want to be with your who.
Speaker 4: Everyone's trying to do.
Speaker 3: Darius R actually walk.
Speaker 5: Past the Metro on George Street just yesterday.
Speaker 2: We've got two minutes.
Speaker 3: And we watched them there was, but it was a
Speaker 3: great answer.
Speaker 4: And what a band.
Speaker 2: I love it. I love it. What do you miss
Speaker 2: when you are not together about each other?
Speaker 1: Waking up next to him? So I think that that
Speaker 1: moment of that, that security and safety that I feel
Speaker 1: when we're together.
Speaker 5: Yeah, for me, it's just lonely without her, like I
Speaker 5: just just miss her.
Speaker 2: So yeahs beautiful.
Speaker 4: What's the way you show each other kindness?
Speaker 1: There wouldn't be a day that I wake up or
Speaker 1: he doesn't give me or I don't give him a
Speaker 1: kiss good morning and goodbye.
Speaker 5: And yeah, that for me and a hug, kiss, hug.
Speaker 1: Without a doubt.
Speaker 2: It's so simple but so meaningful.
Speaker 1: And also, you know, when it's an opportunity to have
Speaker 1: a say, you give them the right to have their say.
Speaker 4: That's pretty important.
Speaker 2: Who's the best joke teller?
Speaker 1: Adrian?
Speaker 5: Okay, I have to be humbled and admit.
Speaker 3: It.
Speaker 5: Humility requires me to deny that. It honestly requires that
Speaker 5: I agree with it.
Speaker 2: So that's good. Write that one down.
Speaker 5: Biggest pet peeve taking the plates out the night before
Speaker 5: ready for breakfast. I don't know what the biggest pet
Speaker 5: pee what's the biggest.
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be about each other can be
Speaker 2: planetary planet.
Speaker 1: People who don't say so. If for me, if you
Speaker 1: let someone in in the traffic and they don't say
Speaker 1: thank you, that for me is so offensive.
Speaker 2: A little wave? How hard is it? Way to hand
Speaker 2: around the finger exactly driven.
Speaker 5: I've driven around Europe enough to know.
Speaker 3: That, no.
Speaker 1: But in Australia it's out, you know, in Australia, put
Speaker 1: your hand up, say thank you.
Speaker 5: I don't know what my biggest pet peeve is.
Speaker 4: Global warming?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think probably. I think I think a wider
Speaker 5: issue and that I think, for me, this sort of
Speaker 5: uncontrolled population growth thing that's happening worldwide, and I think
Speaker 5: it's combined with global warming and put your head in
Speaker 5: the sand attitude to I think we've probably got the
Speaker 5: ability to recognize that we can all coexist with the
Speaker 5: natural world, as much as humankind has ruined it thus far.
Speaker 5: But we just need to put the brakes on a
Speaker 5: bit and do things a bit differently. I think it's
Speaker 5: a combined issue, and I think the problem. I think
Speaker 5: the problem is that the growth model which many economies
Speaker 5: depend upon, depend very much on population growth, and global
Speaker 5: warming is a byproduct of that.
Speaker 1: But then you also have things like as for me,
Speaker 1: it's then you have the population grows. We have men
Speaker 1: and women financially aren't aware of how to look after
Speaker 1: themselves from a financial perspective. I think they're the things.
Speaker 1: You know, we're now getting pretty serious, but they're the
Speaker 1: things that I worry about. Is as a female, how
Speaker 1: do I then support the next generation of women to
Speaker 1: say you can be financially independent, You don't have to
Speaker 1: rely on a man. That you need to be aware
Speaker 1: of credit cards and the how do you make repayments?
Speaker 1: And they're the things that I think about as well.
Speaker 2: Last question, last question, what is speaking of vinyls, what's
Speaker 2: the best gift you've ever given each other or you've
Speaker 2: ever received from each other?
Speaker 1: I should say, well, Benjamin for me was single handling
Speaker 1: the best gift that anyone had ever given. It was
Speaker 1: my son and the fact that we wasn't.
Speaker 5: A gift though that was sort of a joint gift.
Speaker 2: Go the best gift.
Speaker 1: Agent's really generous. So what I do need to say
Speaker 1: is Adrian is incredibly generous and he knows that I
Speaker 1: love jewelry, and there is rarely does an opportunity to
Speaker 1: go where he doesn't you know, on special occasions, like
Speaker 1: really special occasions, that he doesn't buy me a beautiful
Speaker 1: gift of jewelry or he'll actually never go and picket.
Speaker 1: He'll just say let's go together and we'll go and pickets,
Speaker 1: So that for me is free.
Speaker 5: Camella bought me a couple of flying lessons a few
Speaker 5: years I thought that was that was pretty cool.
Speaker 3: That's it. Let's wind it up with with one word
Speaker 3: to describe each other.
Speaker 5: Beautiful.
Speaker 1: For me, it's values. So he is a man with
Speaker 1: high integrity, high values, and high morals, and that, for
Speaker 1: me is the most attractive thing about him.
Speaker 2: Beautiful, wonderful. Oh, thank you so much too. It's what
Speaker 2: a beautiful relationship you both have. Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: I feel really blessed and very cherished to be here,
Speaker 1: so thank you for sharing your your space with us.
Speaker 2: Absolutely so thank you.
Speaker 3: Come Ella, Adrian, thank you, Thank you both so much,
Speaker 3: and not go wow.
Speaker 2: I know I say this every time, but what a
Speaker 2: beautiful couple. They're so lovely. They literally the feeling in
Speaker 2: the room, you know, when there's just a feeling in
Speaker 2: a room of sort of love and kindness that they
Speaker 2: just sort of it was sort of was dripping off
Speaker 2: the walls with those two. It's really sweet.
Speaker 3: They were respectful of each other and it seemed to
Speaker 3: me that they're Their through line, which I really liked,
Speaker 3: was happiness and do what do what makes you feel
Speaker 3: happy be obviously because you use that word tolerance and
Speaker 3: respectful all respect So do what makes you feel happy
Speaker 3: and at the same time be.
Speaker 4: Respectful of the other person's needs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and there was very supportive of each other. It
Speaker 2: wasn't about you get more than me or it was
Speaker 2: the equality, which is what Carmela talked about as well.
Speaker 3: And you get to have in the relationship and in life.
Speaker 3: So it was like, yes, we can afford to have
Speaker 3: some help, so we will. We will take some help.
Speaker 3: That way we can better spend our time with each
Speaker 3: other or with their with their son Benjamin.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I learned a lot too.
Speaker 2: Thanks everyone so much for listening.
Speaker 3: Yep, and if you want to send us an email,
Speaker 3: please do Separate bathrooms at Novapodcasts dot com dot au.
Speaker 3: We'll see you on Monday for the next one.