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Speaker 1: Hello guys, welcome back to our big Tuesday episode of

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Speaker 1: Just for Girls. So we are having a trigger warning

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Speaker 1: on this week's episode. We are going to be talking

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Speaker 1: about topics around family violence. We do have a guest

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Speaker 1: on today that's going to be touching on some warning signs.

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Speaker 1: We also will have a lot of resources linked in

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Speaker 1: the show notes for you guys to have a look at.

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Speaker 1: But if this is not the episode for you, we

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Speaker 1: will see you guys next time.

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Speaker 2: So earlier this year, I had the privilege of attending

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Speaker 2: a lunch with YSL Beauty the Abuse Is Not Love

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Speaker 2: campaign as well as they partnered up with the Free

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Speaker 2: Organization to speak about early warning signs of abuse in

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Speaker 2: domestic violence, family violence relationships. The lunch opened my eyes

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Speaker 2: to a lot of early warning signs and maybe signs

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Speaker 2: that I've subsided in my life and everything like that

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Speaker 2: around family violence. And I think, yeah, Just for Girls

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Speaker 2: is a very fun, lighthearted podcast that we bring to

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Speaker 2: you guys every Tuesday, but it is a topic that

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Speaker 2: we really want to speak about with you girls and

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Speaker 2: educate you more on.

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Speaker 1: Has been very prevalent in the media today, so we

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Speaker 1: thought what better time than Nawada bring Brianna on to

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Speaker 1: touch on some of the more hard hitting topics that

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Speaker 1: I think we all do need to hear and research

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Speaker 1: and listen to at some point. So Brianna will be

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Speaker 1: talking us through it all today. As I said at

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Speaker 1: the beginning, if this isn't the episode for you, we

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Speaker 1: will see you next week.

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Speaker 3: But if not, hopefully we all learn something today.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming on the Just for

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Speaker 1: Girls podcast today, Brianna. So obviously this is a bit

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Speaker 1: more of a heavy topic than we usually hit, but

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Speaker 1: with our audience, I think it is super important to

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Speaker 1: touch on these things. Why don't you tell us a

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Speaker 1: little bit about Free what it is what you do

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Speaker 1: for the community.

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Speaker 4: Awesome, thanks for inviting me very well.

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Speaker 5: So I went for an organization called Free Free from

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Speaker 5: Family Violence, and the work we do is predominantly supporting

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Speaker 5: victim survivors of family violence. So majority of the work

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Speaker 5: is around supporting women and children and their pets and

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Speaker 5: animals experiencing violence in our community. However, the work that

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Speaker 5: I predominantly do out in community is really around education

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Speaker 5: and awareness raising around what family violence is, what it

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Speaker 5: looks like, and how we can be supporting people who

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Speaker 5: are experiencing it and also working towards understanding what people

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Speaker 5: can do in terms of preventing it from occurring in

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Speaker 5: its first place. So very much out and about in community,

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Speaker 5: having conversations and just thrilled to be here today to

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Speaker 5: be able to share this message with your community.

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Speaker 2: So what does your work week usually look like? What

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Speaker 2: type of work do you do for the community, How

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Speaker 2: do people see your work and like what how do

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Speaker 2: you get involved in the community for people to understand

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Speaker 2: what your work does a little more.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, So I suppose in regards to in terms of

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Speaker 5: the direct service work in which we're doing, So this

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Speaker 5: might be when a victim survivor is experiencing family violence

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Speaker 5: and there may have been a police report and they've

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Speaker 5: made contact in terms of our organization wanting to seek support.

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Speaker 5: So in terms of that type of support, it would

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Speaker 5: be around doing a risk assessment, so understanding what the

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Speaker 5: person's risk is at that period of time, and I'm

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Speaker 5: doing a safety planning with them as well, so understanding

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Speaker 5: what their needs are, what their priorities are, and ultimately

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Speaker 5: trying to keep that person safe. And then in terms

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Speaker 5: of what like I do out and about in the community,

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Speaker 5: my week really changes. So sometimes I'll be in a school,

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Speaker 5: sometimes I'll be at a sporting club, it could be

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Speaker 5: in a council building talking about the important topic. But

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Speaker 5: really it's about whoever is really and engaged to have a.

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Speaker 4: Conversation about it.

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Speaker 5: And then you know, there's just the day to day

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Speaker 5: desk job type of work too, but predominantly out and

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Speaker 5: about community, talking about respect, talking about equality, and talking

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Speaker 5: about what we can do to support people who may

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Speaker 5: be experiencing intimate partner violence or family violence.

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Speaker 1: So, in your experience working in this area, how would

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Speaker 1: you define domestic and family violence?

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Speaker 5: So I think this is a really important question to

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Speaker 5: ask because we often go out in community and talk

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Speaker 5: about it and sort of we sort of identify it

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Speaker 5: as three key things. So when we're talking about family violence,

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Speaker 5: intimate partner violence, or domestic valance, these are all the

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Speaker 5: terms that are really used in Victoria. We use family

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Speaker 5: violence because it's a broad term. It takes into consideration

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Speaker 5: intimate partner violence, It takes into consideration siblings, it takes

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Speaker 5: into consideration adult children, to elderly parents, and also caretakers.

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Speaker 5: If it's like if there's a person living with a

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Speaker 5: disability and there's a support person who might be using violence.

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Speaker 5: So when we think about what it actually is and

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Speaker 5: what it looks like, the first thing is it's an

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Speaker 5: abuse of power and control. So it's when someone in

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Speaker 5: a relationship feels like they have the power over another person.

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Speaker 4: And this can look like in various ways.

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Speaker 5: It could be like power over their decisions that they make,

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Speaker 5: what they look like, who they hang out with, what

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Speaker 5: they wear, what they eat like, quite you know, quite

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Speaker 5: diverse in terms of just having full power and control

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Speaker 5: over their lives.

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Speaker 3: And their things that they participate in.

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Speaker 5: The second one being is that it's often an ongoing thing,

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Speaker 5: so it doesn't usually happen as a one off incident.

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Speaker 5: It often happens over a period of time, So it

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Speaker 5: could be a week, could be a month, it could

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Speaker 5: be a year, it could be a lifetime. And it's

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Speaker 5: important for us to take that into consideration because if

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Speaker 5: we're starting to notice signs that our friends might be

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Speaker 5: experiencing intimate partner violence, if we're seeing that the person

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Speaker 5: who's using violence or the perpetrator using it over and

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Speaker 5: over again, that's where we would start to see this

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Speaker 5: as a bit of a concern or a red flag.

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Speaker 5: And the last one is around. It makes a victim

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Speaker 5: survive a fear for their safety and well being. So

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Speaker 5: if you have a friend or a family member who's

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Speaker 5: stargning to say things like, you know, I'm fearful, or

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Speaker 5: you know, my wellbeing's been impacted by my partner's behavior,

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Speaker 5: or I'm walking on eggshells at home, it's showing that

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Speaker 5: this person is creating fear for their wellbeing and what

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Speaker 5: we would can consider to be an intimate partner or

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Speaker 5: family violence.

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Speaker 2: And with working in this industry and what you do

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Speaker 2: for free, has your definition of domestic bye little family

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Speaker 2: violence changed over time? Has it opened you up to

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Speaker 2: a lot more things and made you realize it's probably

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Speaker 2: more prominent and common in the community than what we

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Speaker 2: are aware of. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Absolutely, I think that over the last few years or

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Speaker 5: I've been in the in the sector for a decade now,

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Speaker 5: and we've definitely seen a change in terms of people

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Speaker 5: understanding an awareness of what family balance is, what it

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Speaker 5: looks like. There's obviously also a recognition that there's new

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Speaker 5: things that are coming into consideration now around like the

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Speaker 5: use of technology and AI et cetera. So yes, definitely

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Speaker 5: it is an evolving space, but I think it's core

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Speaker 5: things around it, power and control, ongoing way and fear

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Speaker 5: for safety and well being has always been like it's

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Speaker 5: underpinning of what it is. But definitely it's an evolving space,

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Speaker 5: you know, which it needs to be.

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Speaker 4: We need to be really.

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Speaker 5: Kept up with what's happening, what's going on, and it's

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Speaker 5: great to see that we are advancing in this space.

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Speaker 5: Not advancing in terms of seeing the rates obviously that's

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Speaker 5: horrible and horrendous, but in terms of sector experience and

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Speaker 5: knowledge and willingness to learn more and do more.

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Speaker 3: In the space.

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Speaker 5: Over the last you know, a year in particular, we

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Speaker 5: have seen an increase in comparison to previous years. So

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Speaker 5: we used to say around you know, one woman a

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Speaker 5: week is murdered as a result of family violence, and

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Speaker 5: now it's looking at around being one woman every four days.

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Speaker 5: So god, yeah, yeah, it's really it is a really

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Speaker 5: heavy thing because when we say these figures like these

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Speaker 5: are people's lives.

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Speaker 6: And and is that in Australia.

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Speaker 5: That's in Australia, yeah, yeah, And and look we're also

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Speaker 5: seeing the increase in people reporting violence as well, in

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Speaker 5: terms of police reports or accessing services like ours. So

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Speaker 5: we're seeing increasing people accessing us. But that's ultimately a

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Speaker 5: good thing in a way, because people are understanding that

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Speaker 5: their services out there to support them, yeah, and that

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Speaker 5: police are taking it seriously. Yeah, exactly right.

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Speaker 2: Because I think that's like a big thing coming from

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Speaker 2: women and people who are experiencing violence in the household

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Speaker 2: or within environment, that there is a fear that they're

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Speaker 2: probably not going to be taken seriously, or that they're

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Speaker 2: maybe thinking too much into it and it's probably maybe

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Speaker 2: not as bad as what they think they are, and

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Speaker 2: then they go to the police and their case isn't

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Speaker 2: taken seriously, and then they feel like it was almost

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Speaker 2: like a waste of time.

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Speaker 6: And so it's good that we do have resources that

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Speaker 6: access that people feel safe to come out to.

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Speaker 2: And I think that is what's really important about speaking

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Speaker 2: more in the community about is so that people are

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Speaker 2: aware that there are people who will like take them

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Speaker 2: in with open arms and not make them feel stupid

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Speaker 2: for anything like that, because I think that is a

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Speaker 2: really big fear among women especially.

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Speaker 5: Absolutely, I think like the number one thing when we

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Speaker 5: speak to women who access our service, you know, often

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Speaker 5: they'll just talk about how they wanted or wished to

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Speaker 5: be believed. So they come to our service and obviously

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Speaker 5: we believe them, but often there's been times where they've

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Speaker 5: disclosed their experience and they have not been believed, whether

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Speaker 5: it's been.

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Speaker 3: Through a friend, a family member, or.

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Speaker 4: Work colleague, etc.

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Speaker 5: I think the dialogue's changing a little bit, I think

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Speaker 5: because there's a bit more of awareness out there, there's

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Speaker 5: a shift, But you're exactly right, there's still to this day.

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Speaker 5: You know, we often hear people victim blaming if there's

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Speaker 5: a situation that takes place.

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Speaker 3: What was she doing, what was she wearing? Did she

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Speaker 3: provoke him? Why did she just leave him?

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Speaker 6: Why was she in that situation in the first place?

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Speaker 3: Exactly right.

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Speaker 5: So to even then come out and share that, hey,

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Speaker 5: I'm really concerned about my relationship, it takes a lot

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Speaker 5: of courage and it's to be brave and bold to

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Speaker 5: do that. And the last thing we want anyone to

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Speaker 5: do when they're sharing is then saying, oh, you know,

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Speaker 5: just I'm sure, you know, if you just you know,

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Speaker 5: make the bear or sure, if you just do things,

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Speaker 5: do things differently, it would be different, but so exactly right.

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Speaker 5: We just need to make sure that if someone does

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Speaker 5: share something with us, we believe them, and then we

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Speaker 5: know that there's services and supports out there like house

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Speaker 5: that we can refer them to.

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Speaker 1: What are the biggest challenges facing non government organizations like

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Speaker 1: free in a crisis like this.

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Speaker 4: I suppose resourcing is always an issue.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean it is for every sort of health

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Speaker 5: and welfare sector at the moment. But resourcing is always

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Speaker 5: is a concern. When we see community outreach or outrage

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Speaker 5: like we have, which has been great, We've also then

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Speaker 5: see increased numbers of people needing to access services, which

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Speaker 5: is really important too, but that then comes challenging for

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Speaker 5: us to be you know, often we then have to

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Speaker 5: work with those who are the greatest risks, So you

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Speaker 5: know what happens to those who are still in an

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Speaker 5: in a violent situation but aren't necessarily at a point

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Speaker 5: where we can be potentially supporting them because we have

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Speaker 5: to prioritize people based on risk. So it's really challenging

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Speaker 5: in terms of we need more services, we need more supports,

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Speaker 5: We need people outside of the family violence sector to

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Speaker 5: understand what family violence is and what it looks like

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Speaker 5: and also to be able to support people. So it's

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Speaker 5: not just us, So it's up to the family valance

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Speaker 5: sector to manage this on your own.

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Speaker 3: But I'd say, yeah, just.

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Speaker 4: The need for more resourcing is really the biggest thing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And what do you think we as a society

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Speaker 1: get wrong about family and domestic violence? Like, what are

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Speaker 1: the biggest stereotypes do you think that we're wrong about?

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Speaker 3: Is a community?

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Speaker 5: I think there was a national community Attitude survey that

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Speaker 5: was done quite recently, and I think one of the

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Speaker 5: biggest takeaways for me is that people understand that family

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Speaker 5: violence is an issue, but they don't think it's happening

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Speaker 5: in their backyard. They don't think it's happening in their

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Speaker 5: neighborhood or in their school. And I think that comes

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Speaker 5: at a cost because then the issue is is that,

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Speaker 5: you know, if we don't have this awareness, is that

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Speaker 5: it can happen to anyone, like family advance doesn't discriminate,

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Speaker 5: doesn't really matter.

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Speaker 3: You know, often we know that women.

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Speaker 5: Are greatest risk of experiencing it, but in terms of

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Speaker 5: your race or nationality or you know, where you live,

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Speaker 5: anyone can experience it. People access us on from various backgrounds,

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Speaker 5: and so we need people to have a greater awareness

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Speaker 5: that it can be everyone can be impacted by it.

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Speaker 5: But I think what we're also doing wrong is that

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Speaker 5: victim blaming stuff as well. Yeah, just because I think

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Speaker 5: that that, you know, ties into what you're saying Sam before,

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Speaker 5: is that someone isn't likely to then come out and

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Speaker 5: share their experience because they're concerned that their behavior is

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Speaker 5: going to be interrogated.

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Speaker 3: And yeah, that's not helpful at all.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Like we should be able to separate why they

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Speaker 2: were in that situation and why they were maybe dressed

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Speaker 2: a certain way or anything like that, and separate what

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Speaker 2: actually they went through and were subjected to compared to

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Speaker 2: why they were there in the first place. I think

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Speaker 2: that's a huge thing that a lot of my friends

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Speaker 2: and I spoke about after the Why I sell lunch

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Speaker 2: is like, you can be anywhere and you can be

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Speaker 2: doing anything, living your normal life, and you don't know

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Speaker 2: when you're going to be subjected to it.

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Speaker 6: So why should I wake.

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Speaker 2: Up every day assuming that I'm going to be subjected

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Speaker 2: to it and then go about my life assuming that

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Speaker 2: I'm going to experience a certain type of thing. Or

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Speaker 2: I can't wear this because I'm putting myself at risk

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Speaker 2: and it's not a way that you should live your life.

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Speaker 2: You shouldn't be living your life in fear. But that's

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Speaker 2: kind of what I'm seeing, especially over the last couple

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Speaker 2: of months when we have seen so much in the

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Speaker 2: news and everything like that, is everyone goes straight to

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Speaker 2: why the woman was there in the first place, or

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Speaker 2: why they were doing a certain thing. It's like, sometimes

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Speaker 2: you don't have to know a bunch of background. The

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Speaker 2: fact that she was experiencing this is not okay in

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Speaker 2: the first place, no matter.

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Speaker 6: Why she was there, no matter what she was doing.

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Speaker 2: Like, it's very weird that everyone kind of wants to

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Speaker 2: know all sides of stories before they come to a

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Speaker 2: conclusion and everything like that. But if you're going to

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Speaker 2: take it far to like the courts and everything that,

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Speaker 2: that's when you discover those things. And that's when they

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Speaker 2: all talk about that because they've got all the education

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Speaker 2: and all the resources they need. But when your friend

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Speaker 2: comes to you or something like that, you should just

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Speaker 2: be like, oh my god, yeah, yeah, we need to

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Speaker 2: get you out of that situation. We need to help you,

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Speaker 2: instead of asking them and poking them for a million

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Speaker 2: questions just like they've come to you because I think

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Speaker 2: that you're a safe person, which I think is really

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Speaker 2: it's kind of sad in a way that we as

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Speaker 2: humans we kind of want to know everything. But yeah,

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Speaker 2: there's no reason as to why you should ever be

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Speaker 2: subjected to it, really, I know, exactly right.

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Speaker 5: And I think that the worst thing can happen is

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Speaker 5: that if you are feeling like you are sharing your

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Speaker 5: experience and someone's interrograting you with a million questions, and

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Speaker 5: then you know, you might they might get referred to

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Speaker 5: an organization like us, But then we ask them questions

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Speaker 5: to understand what their risk is and understand how to

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Speaker 5: create a safety plan that's tailored to them.

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Speaker 4: But we do that in those ways to be able

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Speaker 4: to best support them.

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Speaker 5: If they're having to tell them story again multiple multiple times,

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Speaker 5: it just becomes exhausting. And I think the interesting thing

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Speaker 5: is what when I think when I was having conversations

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Speaker 5: with people in particular over the last few months about

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Speaker 5: what's going on, because in the media, you know so

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Speaker 5: many people who would ask questions about you know, I

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Speaker 5: just don't understand why they stay or you know, why

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Speaker 5: they kept going back to.

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Speaker 4: The person, And I was like, why are we not

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Speaker 4: asking the question why did the.

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Speaker 5: Person use the violence in the first place, Why did

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Speaker 5: he make that choice to abuse his wife or to

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Speaker 5: hurt his partner or what like, why are we focusing

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Speaker 5: on just it still blows my mind that we're here,

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Speaker 5: So we definitely need to change that narrative.

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Speaker 3: And then I.

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Speaker 5: Think what you said as well in regards to this

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Speaker 5: is like more community safety. But we do this activity

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Speaker 5: when we're out in community where we will ask the

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Speaker 5: women in the room, like, what are the things that

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Speaker 5: you do to keep yourself safe at night when you're alone?

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Speaker 5: And you know, women will say like, I'll have my

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Speaker 5: keys ready, I'll have my phone charge, I'll have like,

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Speaker 5: you know, make sure I park under a light. You know,

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Speaker 5: I'll make sure I have someone that I'm gonna text

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Speaker 5: when I get to my car, et cetera. All these things,

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Speaker 5: Like we'll fill up a whole board of things of

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Speaker 5: all these ways that they change their behavior to make

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Speaker 5: keep themselves safe.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we'll ask men the exact same thing about it. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: they don't even think about it. Yeah, it's sad. And

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Speaker 3: if they do.

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Speaker 5: Think about it, it's often as a result of their

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Speaker 5: safety from another.

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Speaker 3: Man, not from a woman. Whereas for women.

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Speaker 4: We think it about us being sexually abused.

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Speaker 1: Managed general, not even sometimes a specific man. That's just

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Speaker 1: like I run to my car, like just because I'm

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Speaker 1: scared that someone's gonna.

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Speaker 3: Pop out of the washes. Like that's such a sad

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Speaker 3: way to look at it.

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Speaker 2: And I have two older brothers and I now live

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Speaker 2: out of home, and like, no matter what they say,

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Speaker 2: because I'm the youngest, they still adopt their like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I have to protect you at all costs and everything

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Speaker 2: like that. And even when I talk to my guy

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Speaker 2: friends and everything like that, I'll be like, oh, no,

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Speaker 2: I have to do this, and I have to make

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Speaker 2: sure I'm home at a certain time and I leave

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Speaker 2: my keys in the door and everything like that, and

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Speaker 2: they go the fact that you even have to think

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Speaker 2: about that.

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Speaker 6: I'm like, yeah, you walk in.

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Speaker 2: Your house and you think you're safe at home at night,

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Speaker 2: but I don't like it when I'm home alone.

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Speaker 1: If they could walk their dogs at night and not

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Speaker 1: look behind them once because.

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Speaker 3: They just know that they will probably be fine.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's scary that we even have to like question

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Speaker 2: that at certain points, and that naturally runs through our

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Speaker 2: head that that's what we have to do in order

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Speaker 2: to keep ourselves safe, that we can't just walk out

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Speaker 2: and do anything that we want because.

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Speaker 6: We're at a huge risk.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, when as you said that, obviously, when they go

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Speaker 2: to organizations like yours and then the police like that,

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Speaker 2: they get questioned a lot. If you were a friend

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Speaker 2: of someone who and they did approach you saying I'm

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Speaker 2: experiencing this, like I need your help. What's one way

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Speaker 2: that you can comfort your friend without asking them a

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Speaker 2: billion questions or without like almost interrogating them, Like way,

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Speaker 2: what's language around that that you can show your support

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Speaker 2: and show that you're there for them without trying to

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Speaker 2: find out all this information.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it's interesting because we probably find when

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Speaker 5: we're having conversations with our friends, like we're more likely

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Speaker 5: to check in on them and ask them It's probably

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Speaker 5: unlikely that they might come to us first incident, say

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Speaker 5: like I'm in an intimate partner.

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Speaker 3: Violence or I'm in family violence.

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Speaker 5: So often what we would say is with the work

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Speaker 5: that we do is around encouraging friends to say how

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Speaker 5: you going, how's things, how's your relationship? Like similar to

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Speaker 5: you know, there's been a lot of big shift around

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Speaker 5: mental health and are you okay?

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Speaker 4: Day.

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Speaker 5: You know, we kind of want a similar thing when

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Speaker 5: it comes to intimate partner violence or family violence. Checking

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Speaker 5: in our friends around their relationship. So simply asking are

402
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Speaker 5: you okay, how's things going, and then just letting them

403
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Speaker 5: lead that discussion is really keen and important, and following

404
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Speaker 5: up with I believe you, I'm here for you, and

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Speaker 5: also a reminder that they're not to blame, because for

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Speaker 5: a long time, what we find is that when we're

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Speaker 5: in an abusive relationship, someone will really tell us that,

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Speaker 5: you know the reason why I'm behaving this way is

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Speaker 5: because you're treating You're doing this, and you're doing that.

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Speaker 5: So reminding them that you're not to blame and that

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Speaker 5: you deserve to be treated with respect, and that there are.

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Speaker 4: Services and supports available.

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Speaker 3: I'm happy to let.

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Speaker 5: You know of them if you're interested in them, but

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Speaker 5: you know, definitely let them talk. If they want to share,

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Speaker 5: then create that space for them to be able to

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Speaker 5: do that. But I think, you know, we definitely wouldn't

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Speaker 5: be like, well, tell me everything, when did it start,

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Speaker 5: what did it look like, how does it happen? Because

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Speaker 5: those questions will get asked when they do access a service,

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Speaker 5: So as it said, it's just around trying to prevent

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Speaker 5: that from the constant retelling of their story as well.

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Speaker 5: But we always just say let them lead the conversation

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Speaker 5: and never force someone to talk if they don't want

425
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Speaker 5: to talk. So if you say how you're going and

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Speaker 5: they say I'm fine, leave it. But also let them

427
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Speaker 5: know that if anything is coming up for you, you

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Speaker 5: know I'm always here, you know I'm a safe person,

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Speaker 5: you know I love you, And leave it at that, Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Because they will come to you when the time is right.

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Speaker 1: As our audience is predominantly young females and the world

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Speaker 1: does feel quite dangerous to us, is there anything that

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Speaker 1: we should be looking out for, or any warning signs

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Speaker 1: or anything we can do?

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00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:22,240
Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: So we're really fortunate to be working with YSL Beauty

437
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:29,159
Speaker 5: through their Abuses Not Love campaign, which has enabled us

438
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Speaker 5: to go out and deliver sessions with young people about

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Speaker 5: these nine warning signs of intimate partner violence.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

441
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Speaker 5: So they've got a global campaign which is to train

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Speaker 5: up two million people by twenty thirty, whereas we've got

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Speaker 5: the target of training one thousand young people in a year,

444
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:49,040
Speaker 5: which almost feels like two million for us because.

445
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:49,600
Speaker 3: We're really.

446
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,560
Speaker 5: But were, so we're going out in schools and other

447
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:54,800
Speaker 5: settings to talk about it.

448
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,400
Speaker 4: But I suppose, Yeah.

449
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,360
Speaker 5: There's nine warning signs, and if you go onto their

450
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,080
Speaker 5: Abuse is Not Love website, they've got all about the

451
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,399
Speaker 5: nine wanting signs. And also you can do some training

452
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:05,879
Speaker 5: on there as well, or you can come to us

453
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,440
Speaker 5: and we deliver the training about each of the nine

454
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,520
Speaker 5: warning signs. But I might talk about some of the

455
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:14,880
Speaker 5: key ones that we're noticing. Yeah, more and more when

456
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,960
Speaker 5: we're having conversations with young people. So the first one

457
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:21,320
Speaker 5: I would say is intrusion. So unfortunately, what we're seeing

458
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:25,919
Speaker 5: within relationships and all ages, but in particular for young people,

459
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:30,879
Speaker 5: is around there's this demand where their partner wants to

460
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,800
Speaker 5: have their past code for their phone. They want access

461
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,399
Speaker 5: to their social media accounts, whether it's you know that

462
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:40,560
Speaker 5: all their passwords to be monitoring what's going on, who

463
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:44,240
Speaker 5: they're talking to, what they're posting, etc. So there's this

464
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:48,159
Speaker 5: intrusive nature of their privacy and you know, really for

465
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:51,280
Speaker 5: some people, they don't have any privacy.

466
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:52,320
Speaker 3: As a result.

467
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,159
Speaker 5: And again when we go and have these conversations with

468
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,359
Speaker 5: young people, people will say, oh, I share my past

469
00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:59,800
Speaker 5: code with my partner and my own an abusive relationship.

470
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, no, no, no, that's not what it's about.

471
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 5: If you have a partner and you mutually agree on

472
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,560
Speaker 5: that we both share each other's pass codes, then that's

473
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:11,119
Speaker 5: totally fine. But it's when one partner is demanding it

474
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,239
Speaker 5: over another partner, when it's a point where it's like

475
00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:16,960
Speaker 5: I get to check your phone at any time whenever

476
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,919
Speaker 5: I want, That's what we would consider to be concerning.

477
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,480
Speaker 2: And that's when the abuse of power comes in, like yeah,

478
00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:25,399
Speaker 2: you can have my password. But then sometimes all of

479
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,800
Speaker 2: that in society gets normalized being like, yeah, you can

480
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,920
Speaker 2: have my password. But then if they start like nagging

481
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 2: you about it and having control over that, that's probably

482
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,160
Speaker 2: when it crosses the line of becoming too much.

483
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, exactly right.

484
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:40,240
Speaker 5: And I think you know, often when it's like, oh, well,

485
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 5: if you don't want to share it with me or

486
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,400
Speaker 5: you don't want me to see it right now, well

487
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,359
Speaker 5: why like what have you got on there? What have

488
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,359
Speaker 5: you got to hide? You know, what have you been doing?

489
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:47,680
Speaker 3: Again?

490
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 4: It's that you know, questioning of their behavior.

491
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, but yeah, so definitely that would be one of

492
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,840
Speaker 5: the wanting size we encourage people to be thinking about

493
00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:02,160
Speaker 5: more another one in this isolation. So again, isolation obviously

494
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,880
Speaker 5: can look like, you know, preventing someone from hanging out

495
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:08,560
Speaker 5: with their friends, with their family, It might be preventing

496
00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:11,040
Speaker 5: them to just hang out with a certain type of

497
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,159
Speaker 5: people or partners, ex partners, et cetera.

498
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 4: And I suppose with this.

499
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 5: One is really tricky because what we often find when

500
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,919
Speaker 5: people are experiencing intimate partner violence is that, you know,

501
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,679
Speaker 5: victim survivors will retreat because that's what they have to do,

502
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:28,440
Speaker 5: because they're doing that because.

503
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,480
Speaker 3: To make the other person happy, the other.

504
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:34,280
Speaker 5: Persons happy, and to keep themselves safe ultimately. And then

505
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 5: friends will be like, oh, well, obviously she just doesn't

506
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,800
Speaker 5: care about us, or if she doesn't want to hang

507
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 5: out with us anymore, and you know, there's a lot

508
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:46,640
Speaker 5: of again blame on the person's behavior with that woman's behavior,

509
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 5: rather than actually thinking about.

510
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 4: What's actually going on there.

511
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,120
Speaker 5: So I think, like without when we're talking to young

512
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 5: people in schools and we're saying like, if you're finding

513
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 5: that your friends are starting to drift away, just check

514
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:00,400
Speaker 5: in now and then see if they are okay. Take

515
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,360
Speaker 5: that as a potential red flag rather than it being like, oh,

516
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,359
Speaker 5: she just doesn't care.

517
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,720
Speaker 6: About it and stuff her kind of vibe. Yeah.

518
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,520
Speaker 2: And would you say in that as well, that in

519
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:13,800
Speaker 2: that isolation bracket, that it could be the guy or

520
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:17,359
Speaker 2: the partner villainizes the friends and kind of almost makes

521
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,000
Speaker 2: the woman hate their friends and says like they don't

522
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,920
Speaker 2: have your best interests, they aren't good for you, they

523
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:24,200
Speaker 2: don't like you, and.

524
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 3: Like make I care about you, Yeah, like I.

525
00:24:27,119 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 2: Have your best interest, I love you and stuff like that.

526
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 2: Would that also kind of fall under that bracket?

527
00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:35,439
Speaker 5: Yeah, absolutely, And I think sort of what you're touching

528
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 5: on there as well. Often we'll find it in the

529
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 5: starting of relationships, this word love bombing.

530
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've heard of it.

531
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, And a lot of that is at the start

532
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 5: where it's like sort of setting up this space of like,

533
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,199
Speaker 5: you don't need anyone, you only need me. I am

534
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 5: here for you. You know, we are together, I do all

535
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 5: these incredible things for you, blah blah blah. So it

536
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 5: sort of blows you into this false hope of Okay, yeah, right,

537
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:02,480
Speaker 5: I only need to be you know, you can be

538
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:05,960
Speaker 5: my key person in my world and everything will be fine.

539
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 5: And as a result of that, we see these other

540
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,399
Speaker 5: relationships that we have start to fall away.

541
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,600
Speaker 3: Which is which can be concerned.

542
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:17,680
Speaker 5: But I think the thing there is around also, you know,

543
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 5: we're often fine, they'll say, oh the partner, I don't

544
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:23,439
Speaker 5: I don't trust your friends like you know, did you?

545
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,800
Speaker 5: They don't like me, so why would you want to

546
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 5: hang out with them anyway? So again, it's just those

547
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:29,920
Speaker 5: those real mind games.

548
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:34,920
Speaker 2: And they're very common within conversations and relationships within people

549
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,480
Speaker 2: that we know and everything like that that you don't

550
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:40,400
Speaker 2: even realize that it's a red flag because everyone kind

551
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:40,919
Speaker 2: of talks.

552
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:43,320
Speaker 1: It's more common than you think that you're socket as

553
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:44,960
Speaker 1: a red flag because you're like, oh, but I've got

554
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 1: like three friends that have boyfriends that act that way.

555
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, and you're like, oh, but they just don't like me.

556
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:50,640
Speaker 6: Oh yeah.

557
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 2: It's very interesting how almost normalized. And those things kind

558
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 2: of do get swept under the rug a lot more

559
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,399
Speaker 2: in conversations that I have every day.

560
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,560
Speaker 5: I know, and I sometimes will go out and we'll

561
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 5: have these conversations and I'm like, oh, no, I don't

562
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 5: think you know, or even the whole off family violence

563
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:08,360
Speaker 5: doesn't happen around here, or and then we'll have these

564
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,399
Speaker 5: types of conversations like oh, actually, like I'm noticing this

565
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:15,480
Speaker 5: or I'm now aware of that, and look, I think

566
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:18,439
Speaker 5: the key thing here is as well is that although

567
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:20,920
Speaker 5: it feels heavy and it does feel a bit doom

568
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,600
Speaker 5: and gloom, it's not everywhere at the same time as well.

569
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 5: But it's important for us to be aware of it.

570
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,399
Speaker 5: And what we do when we have conversations is we

571
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 5: actually focus on green flags, so like healthy behaviors in

572
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 5: a relationship, and then the red flags, so people have

573
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 5: an awareness of like, well, what we're hoping for in

574
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:41,400
Speaker 5: our relationships, which often people struggle to identify green flags,

575
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,199
Speaker 5: which is interesting as well because I think because of

576
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 5: social media and movies and TV shows and books and

577
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:51,199
Speaker 5: blah blah blah, often we don't see healthy lots of

578
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:56,680
Speaker 5: healthy relationships. Often we see these toxic or violent relationships.

579
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 3: But you know, we also talk.

580
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 5: About that there can be red flags that can be concerning,

581
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:04,000
Speaker 5: but it can also be a point where it's just

582
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 5: you know, some conflict that takes place in a relationship,

583
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,439
Speaker 5: because conflict takes place in any relationship, but it's just

584
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:11,640
Speaker 5: then when it gets to that point of that power

585
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 5: and control, fear full of their safety, and well being,

586
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:17,240
Speaker 5: and it's a repetitive behavior. Ongoing is when we're starting

587
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:20,280
Speaker 5: to be like, okay, there's more to this. So if

588
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 5: you notice a friend doesn't come along to a few gatherings,

589
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 5: like they might just be having a tough time at

590
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,959
Speaker 5: work or other things might be happening for them, so

591
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:30,800
Speaker 5: it's worth a check in. But you know, if you're

592
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:32,920
Speaker 5: starting to notice that it's coming to a year now

593
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:36,199
Speaker 5: and they're not texting you back, and if they are

594
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,160
Speaker 5: texting you, it seems like they're being monitored, then.

595
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,439
Speaker 3: That's when I start to raise concern.

596
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:46,360
Speaker 4: I think another one is jealousy.

597
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 5: So I think jealousy is always a really interesting one

598
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 5: because I think you know, in relationships there might be

599
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 5: points of jealousy that takes place, but again, when it's

600
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 5: coming to a point where it's at the point where

601
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:02,920
Speaker 5: you can't right undertake the types of behaviors that you

602
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 5: want to do or see the people that you want

603
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:08,119
Speaker 5: to see, it's that concern there where it's starting to

604
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:11,440
Speaker 5: be jealousy to a point where your behavior is having

605
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 5: to change as a result of that person. So I

606
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 5: think that's a key one that we need to talk

607
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 5: more about too.

608
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:21,119
Speaker 2: What would be like an example of that, like a

609
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 2: behavior that you could see or recognize consistently within relationships

610
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:28,399
Speaker 2: that you can recognize it might not be down the

611
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 2: healthiest route of jealousy.

612
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:34,560
Speaker 5: So I suppose an example of that could be around.

613
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:37,359
Speaker 5: It might be how the person is spending their time.

614
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 5: So it might be like, oh, no, you can't see them,

615
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 5: You've already seen them last weekend.

616
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 3: Why do you need to see them again?

617
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 5: Or it could be around, or you spend so much

618
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 5: time with your family. You hardly spend any time with

619
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:54,200
Speaker 5: my family, Like, what's that about? It could be around,

620
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 5: or you know, you have a lot of male partner friends.

621
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 5: I don't trust them. I don't want you to out

622
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 5: with them. They only have one purpose, and the purpose

623
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,480
Speaker 5: is them trying to get with you, which again is

624
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 5: not necessarily the case, especially if you've got relationships with

625
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 5: these people before you've even entered this relationship as well.

626
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:17,840
Speaker 5: So a lot of questioning around why you're making the

627
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 5: decisions that you're making, and often it is related to

628
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 5: who you're hanging out with or how you're spending your time,

629
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 5: or what you're choosing to do.

630
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, you mentioned love bombing earlier.

631
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of the time you might

632
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 1: see a friend entering a relationship and people throw that

633
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:37,160
Speaker 1: term around or like she's loved womming him, he's love

634
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 1: vomming her. What is it in a little bit more

635
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 1: depth from what are some examples of it?

636
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, I suppose love bombing to me is really when

637
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:50,720
Speaker 5: someone is wanting to sort of show that that control

638
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 5: in those early stages of that relationship, and that control

639
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:58,200
Speaker 5: is often manipulated almost in a way that is trying

640
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:01,080
Speaker 5: to show that they can care for you or that

641
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 5: they love you. So it might be showering them with

642
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 5: constant gifts. It might be picking them up from every

643
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 5: party that you're going to. It might be around, you know,

644
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 5: taking them to fancy dinners and et cetera.

645
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:16,600
Speaker 1: Would you say, like when they kind of need to

646
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 1: see the person every day, Like they go two weeks

647
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 1: the first two weeks and they see each other every

648
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 1: single day, Like is that Yeah, probably not the healthiest

649
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 1: way there?

650
00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, well definitely, I mean, and I think also exactly

651
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 5: that it might be spending the all the time with them.

652
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 5: It might be around potentially even saying like that they

653
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 5: love them really early on in their relationship. It might

654
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 5: be even moving in really early on in the relationship,

655
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 5: so just things moving at a like at it quite

656
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 5: a rapid rate.

657
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,240
Speaker 6: What's next, What's Nextles's next?

658
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, because then it does get to this point in

659
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 5: time where things shift and things change and they say,

660
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,960
Speaker 5: you know, or that start the person using balance will

661
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 5: look back at that time or remember when I did

662
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:00,520
Speaker 5: those things for you, Look what I've done for you.

663
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 4: Look, you know I love you.

664
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 5: You know all this and it just becomes a lot

665
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 5: for that person in those early days. And I think

666
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:12,960
Speaker 5: it is tricky and challenging because it does get mixed

667
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 5: up on those messages. Off, they really care for me,

668
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 5: they want it, they want to be there for me,

669
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 5: they love me, which is great, but when it's at

670
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:24,600
Speaker 5: a point where it's consuming your life. Yeah, I've always

671
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 5: had this saying where it's like, you know, don't make

672
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:29,960
Speaker 5: one person your everything, because when that one person's gone,

673
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:32,120
Speaker 5: you'll have nothing. And it's just that, you know, a

674
00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 5: reminder is that it's great to be in love and

675
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:37,680
Speaker 5: have someone, but it's so important to have your village

676
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 5: around you and your friends around you.

677
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 4: And you're finding that you're not able to have those things.

678
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 3: Now, it does some concern.

679
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 2: My mum always used to say that, like if someone

680
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:48,880
Speaker 2: does something nice to you, or if it's a guy

681
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 2: or anything like that, that you don't owe them anything

682
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:54,600
Speaker 2: in return. Like a lot of girls will be like, oh,

683
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 2: he brought me a drink out on a night out,

684
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 2: so I have to keep talking to him or anything

685
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 2: like that. Like that someone does that it's added like

686
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,560
Speaker 2: a kind gesture or something, doesn't mean you have to

687
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 2: give it to them back in return. And I think

688
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 2: that's probably when you could be aware of like the

689
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:10,040
Speaker 2: love bombing, where it's like, oh, well, he did all

690
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 2: of this for me, I have to spend the weekend

691
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 2: with him because he did all of that for me

692
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 2: in the weekend, Like you don't have to do that

693
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 2: back to then just because they did something to you,

694
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 2: Like you can accept a nice gesture without having to

695
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 2: pull your whole heart out and everything like that. That's

696
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:25,120
Speaker 2: probably when it crosses the line of being like is

697
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:26,440
Speaker 2: it a bit too much?

698
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 3: It's transactional?

699
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:30,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly right.

700
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 5: And you know, I think ultimately at the end of

701
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,640
Speaker 5: the day, when we think about the types of relationships

702
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:38,040
Speaker 5: that we want to be and is that we do

703
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 5: want to be with someone who is understanding who's caring.

704
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 5: But I think what you're touching on before Sam is around,

705
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 5: like that protective element sometimes can be a bit concerning

706
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 5: as well. So we'll go out and we do this

707
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,880
Speaker 5: scenario where we pose a situation where it's this girl.

708
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 5: She's gone to a birthday party in an outfit that's

709
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:00,840
Speaker 5: different to the outfit that she plans and purchased with

710
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,360
Speaker 5: you as a friend earlier that day, and when you

711
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 5: asked her why she changed her outfit, she said, oh,

712
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:09,880
Speaker 5: her partner demanded her to change her outfit because it

713
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 5: made her look too hot, and that it was just

714
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,760
Speaker 5: easier to get changed rather than having another argument. And

715
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:17,480
Speaker 5: we asked the young people, like, is this concerning, Like

716
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:20,200
Speaker 5: would this be a red flag at all for you?

717
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 5: Would anything come up for you in this scenario, And

718
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 5: a lot of people say, Yep, it's concerning, Like you know,

719
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 5: demanding them to get changed, you know, to avoid having

720
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:32,920
Speaker 5: another argument, that's concerning. But some people will say, oh, no,

721
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 5: I don't find that concerning. Obviously, this person just wants

722
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 5: to protect them. This partner thinks that they're going to

723
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:39,960
Speaker 5: look hot and they don't want people to look at them,

724
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:43,320
Speaker 5: and it's around a protection thing, and it's like no.

725
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:50,320
Speaker 2: No, yeah, But there's some of the behaviors some of

726
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 2: the responses that we still get to this.

727
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 4: Day around that.

728
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 5: Well, I have had from everything between noble men have

729
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 5: the right to tell women what to wear, which I was.

730
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 1: Like, I think what to post on social media also

731
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 1: is a really common one.

732
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've seen. Yeah.

733
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:10,319
Speaker 2: See, I'm like in a privileged position where I grew

734
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 2: up with two brothers. So like, if I think if

735
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 2: a guy came in my life and said that I

736
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,160
Speaker 2: can't wear that or I can't post that, I think

737
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 2: I turn around and be like, well, my brothers have

738
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 2: never said that, So if my brothers can't.

739
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:22,040
Speaker 3: Say anything, yeah, yeah.

740
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:23,479
Speaker 6: My dad sometimes would be.

741
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:25,759
Speaker 2: Like put a jumper and you're going to be so,

742
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 2: but he's not going to be like, oh, you're like

743
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:34,000
Speaker 2: asking for the wrong crowd or anything like that. Like

744
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,279
Speaker 2: I think I kind of am privileged from that. I

745
00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:39,919
Speaker 2: could probably recognize that as behavior. If a guy told

746
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 2: me to change, I'd be like no, yeah, yeah, like

747
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,240
Speaker 2: I'm not changing because you're not comfortable with its.

748
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,720
Speaker 1: Females do do that, h do do that? To avoid

749
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:51,440
Speaker 1: that argument that you mentioned.

750
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly right.

751
00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:54,400
Speaker 5: And I suppose with every scenario you just don't know,

752
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:56,440
Speaker 5: but you know, say, if this was a constant thing

753
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 5: where it was like this person was going to be

754
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,680
Speaker 5: screamed out for the next hour or ignored for the

755
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:02,879
Speaker 5: next two weeks.

756
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:05,320
Speaker 1: Do what we would do in that position with someone

757
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 1: that could be violent against us.

758
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:09,520
Speaker 5: But it is crazy to even think that that's like

759
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 5: a belief that's still held in society. Are some men

760
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:15,520
Speaker 5: that think that women have should be told what to

761
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:16,919
Speaker 5: wear and what they can and can't wear.

762
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:19,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, or even when they say, like, oh, you're asking

763
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:22,440
Speaker 2: for it, like you're asking to be picked up by

764
00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 2: other men, and then that then puts the thought in

765
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 2: the girl's mind being.

766
00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:27,240
Speaker 6: Like, oh what am I asking?

767
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,560
Speaker 2: Or like you start to like second guess why you

768
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 2: put on that outfit in the first place.

769
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 6: That girls probably are.

770
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:34,320
Speaker 2: Just like, oh, well, I would just get changed instead

771
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,280
Speaker 2: of like thinking that people are asking me for compliments

772
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:38,120
Speaker 2: and stuff like that.

773
00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 6: Like it is it's so normalized, which is really sad.

774
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 3: In a way. It is. It is.

775
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 5: And I think we're talking we did a session last

776
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:51,800
Speaker 5: week and we're talking about controlling behaviors in a relationship,

777
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,560
Speaker 5: and one of the participants was like, oh, yeah, but

778
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:56,920
Speaker 5: I think I would like that in a relationship. And

779
00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:59,480
Speaker 5: it's like such an interesting comment to make, so it's like, well,

780
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:02,080
Speaker 5: tell me a little more about what you mean about that,

781
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,759
Speaker 5: and they're like, oh, just to be you know, protected

782
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:08,399
Speaker 5: and possessive. Yeah, And again, I think it's what we've

783
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:11,839
Speaker 5: seen in TV shows in movies, like I remember when

784
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,480
Speaker 5: you know the TV show You that came.

785
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:15,279
Speaker 3: Out a while ago.

786
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,919
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I remember, like, obviously that was an extreme case.

787
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:21,960
Speaker 5: He's my partner violence right there. And I remember the

788
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 5: actor saying I can't.

789
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 3: Remember is that I'm hopeless with actor Penn Badgely.

790
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, yeah, Dan, that's exactly i'd say.

791
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 3: Damn.

792
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:33,719
Speaker 5: He said that he could got like heaps of like

793
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,560
Speaker 5: dms and emails and blah blah blah, saying like, oh,

794
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:38,799
Speaker 5: I wish you'd stalk me like you stak her and

795
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 5: all this stuff, and he had to come out and

796
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,920
Speaker 5: say to people, this is not okay, this is not normal.

797
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 5: This is not what we should be striving for in

798
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 5: our relationships. So I think it is about trying to

799
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:54,080
Speaker 5: break this stuff down to actually say no, this isn't normal,

800
00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:56,000
Speaker 5: like you should have the right to be able to

801
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:58,400
Speaker 5: wear what you want or not share your past code

802
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:01,120
Speaker 5: or post whatever the hell you one on social media,

803
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:03,000
Speaker 5: like yeah it feels good for you, then it feels

804
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 5: good for you, and other way around as well. When

805
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:09,359
Speaker 5: boys will say, oh that she can't wear that, i'ld say, well,

806
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:11,759
Speaker 5: can she tell you what you can't wear? Because it

807
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:14,799
Speaker 5: has to go both ways. It's an equal it's an

808
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:16,879
Speaker 5: equal playing field that we need to be starting on.

809
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,440
Speaker 5: So does she have the right And if they say no,

810
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 5: then she doesn't want something.

811
00:37:20,719 --> 00:37:22,200
Speaker 3: You don't know that, yeah exactly.

812
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,239
Speaker 1: I feel like it would be incredibly triggering for some

813
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:27,319
Speaker 1: women to see that, like people messaging pen going like

814
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:28,880
Speaker 1: I want you to talk to me. But it's like,

815
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 1: if you've experienced that before, it's like, no, you don't.

816
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 1: That would be so triggering to see women like design

817
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:39,839
Speaker 1: romanticize those negative parts of relationships if you've been through

818
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:40,320
Speaker 1: it before.

819
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 3: Absolutely, absolutely.

820
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:46,839
Speaker 5: And I think technology facilitated abuse is something that we're

821
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:49,480
Speaker 5: noticing more and more as well. So you know the

822
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:54,319
Speaker 5: use of tracking, whether it's around your whereabouts by your

823
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,920
Speaker 5: phone or even your key's in your car, some people

824
00:37:56,960 --> 00:38:01,680
Speaker 5: will do it yeah, yeah, and or your petrol levels, etc.

825
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 5: So that's something that we're noticing more and more in

826
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:08,640
Speaker 5: the relation or in the people that are coming and

827
00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 5: accessing our services. We're seeing that as another concern and

828
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 5: that's hard because you know, technology is being updated every day.

829
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:19,920
Speaker 5: So it's important for us as organizations to get our

830
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:23,840
Speaker 5: understanding around how we can be keeping women or victim

831
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:28,640
Speaker 5: survivors safe through making sure that you know how they

832
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 5: can turn the things off on their phones, et cetera.

833
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:33,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, on the contrary to like how women can keep

834
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:37,480
Speaker 2: themselves more safe. To aim a little bit more on

835
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:40,439
Speaker 2: the other side, what do you think men and young

836
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:42,759
Speaker 2: men can start to do or speak about with their

837
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:46,359
Speaker 2: friends that probably normalize a bit more behaviors with them

838
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 2: and recognizing that some behaviors that they might adopt isn't

839
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 2: necessarily safe.

840
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:52,960
Speaker 5: I think there's a lot of work that needs to

841
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 5: be done in this space, and I think I need

842
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 5: to say and preface it as well. There are a

843
00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 5: lot of incredible men in as well, and a lot

844
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 5: of incredible men doing incredible things in regards to being

845
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:07,000
Speaker 5: strong advocates in this space. And often a lot of

846
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:10,400
Speaker 5: the men that we will see talk about it, they've

847
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:13,319
Speaker 5: often had their own personal experience, whether it's been a

848
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:17,640
Speaker 5: sister or a previous partner who's experienced it, and they're

849
00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:20,920
Speaker 5: wanting to create change. I think what we need to

850
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:24,640
Speaker 5: see boys and men do is around holding each other

851
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:31,480
Speaker 5: accountable for their actions, so we know that yes, the

852
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:34,960
Speaker 5: issue here is what we're seeing in society is disrespect.

853
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 5: It's women being undermined, it's the sexist strokes and comments

854
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:41,560
Speaker 5: that are taking place. And I know we live in

855
00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 5: a society where banter is a really big thing and

856
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:48,080
Speaker 5: important within the Australian context, but it also gets to

857
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 5: a point that if we constantly allow this disrespectful behavior

858
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:54,800
Speaker 5: taking place and these sexist attitudes to attitudes to occur,

859
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:57,360
Speaker 5: we're only going to continue to see these high rates

860
00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:01,359
Speaker 5: of disrespect and violence taking place in our society. So

861
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:03,720
Speaker 5: I think for boys and men, it is around holding

862
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:07,040
Speaker 5: each other accountable. If you're seeing something, you're noticing something,

863
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 5: you're hearing something, just even if it's not vocally sort

864
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:13,520
Speaker 5: of saying hey, that's wrong, it can just be the

865
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:16,880
Speaker 5: rolling of the eye or the you know, shrugging of

866
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:19,759
Speaker 5: the shoulders or say, you know, mate, what what era

867
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 5: are we living in right now? Like come on like

868
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:25,799
Speaker 5: just showing your disapproval of it, yeah, and don't laugh along, like,

869
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:27,280
Speaker 5: don't support it.

870
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:27,959
Speaker 3: Call it out.

871
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:30,080
Speaker 6: And that's the thing I think that men have.

872
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:32,399
Speaker 2: It's like a very pack mentality of like you don't

873
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:34,160
Speaker 2: want to almost be on the outskirts and hold one

874
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 2: of your friends accountable because you don't want to be

875
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:38,719
Speaker 2: ostracized from the group. So everyone kind of like, oh, yeah,

876
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 2: that's a funny joke, but I don't feel.

877
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:43,960
Speaker 3: Like chads one of them did it. The other join

878
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:46,719
Speaker 3: in as well and going nah, mate, like that's not cool.

879
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 6: That they just don't want to be the one to

880
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:49,400
Speaker 6: start saying.

881
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:50,480
Speaker 3: But someone has to.

882
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, boys, exactly right right now, the boys if you are,

883
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 5: I mean, that's it. Someone has to And you're right

884
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 5: that it's probably like that some one else is going

885
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:03,360
Speaker 5: to stand up and support you as well. I think

886
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:05,839
Speaker 5: there's been a lot of change that's happening as well

887
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:07,759
Speaker 5: in this space. So you know, we're doing a lot

888
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,919
Speaker 5: of work around working with people in the early years,

889
00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 5: so educators in childcare centers and early childhood services, and

890
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 5: with parents and caregivers and about talking to young boys

891
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:21,239
Speaker 5: and men about things like you know, it's important for

892
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:23,960
Speaker 5: boys and men to show a range of different emotions,

893
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:27,920
Speaker 5: that it's not just physical aggression is the only emotion.

894
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:28,680
Speaker 3: Or anger that they show.

895
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:30,839
Speaker 5: That it's important for them to cry, Like we don't

896
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,880
Speaker 5: want to hear these boys don't cry and march o

897
00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:36,920
Speaker 5: men men up kind of vibe anymore.

898
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:38,839
Speaker 4: We're past that. It's we're done with that.

899
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:40,279
Speaker 3: We want to.

900
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:43,520
Speaker 5: Create spaces where boys and men can actually show emotions

901
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:48,359
Speaker 5: and be supported to do that and to call things

902
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 5: out and it be a sign of strength rather than weakness,

903
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,800
Speaker 5: et cetera. Because we know that this actually doesn't benefit

904
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:58,920
Speaker 5: men either, Like the mental health rates for men so high,

905
00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:03,240
Speaker 5: and it actually doesn't serve them in any way shape

906
00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 5: of Yeah, So this work of trying to create space

907
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:10,799
Speaker 5: where equality and respect for relationships is actually beneficial not

908
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:12,520
Speaker 5: only for women but for all genders.

909
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:14,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that's like a big thing I

910
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 2: learned in school with like nature versus nurtures, Like you

911
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,520
Speaker 2: do learn a lot of your behaviors as a kid

912
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:22,760
Speaker 2: and the people that you're around. So even if girls

913
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 2: you're like you're nannying or you're babysitting a little boy,

914
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 2: like letting them know that expressing emotions is really important

915
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 2: and don't try to mask them even if like, yeah,

916
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 2: you're not their parent, but like when you are around

917
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,960
Speaker 2: that environment allowing them to express those behaviors, it's probably

918
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 2: really important because they learn that from such a young age,

919
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:43,239
Speaker 2: even in the playgrounds and everything like that, Like it's

920
00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 2: super important.

921
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:45,000
Speaker 3: Absolutely.

922
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 1: So where do we think that that violent behavior in

923
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 1: men stems from?

924
00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:54,080
Speaker 3: Like why is this such an instinct in some men?

925
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:54,719
Speaker 2: Not all?

926
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:55,480
Speaker 3: Obviously?

927
00:42:56,000 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, So what we know from the evidence and the

928
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:04,439
Speaker 5: research in regards to family violence into a partner violence,

929
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:08,799
Speaker 5: domestic violence. So the underlying cause of where this is

930
00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 5: all coming from is as a result of gender inequality.

931
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:13,439
Speaker 3: So unfortunately, still to this.

932
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 4: Day in society, gender inequality exists.

933
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 5: So gender inequality is the unequal distribution of power, resources,

934
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 5: opportunity and support for men, women and gender diverse people.

935
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:28,360
Speaker 5: So we still live in this world where unfortunately women

936
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 5: and gender diverse people are always considered less then and

937
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:34,560
Speaker 5: as a result of that, we create this society where

938
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:37,279
Speaker 5: men are considered to be more powerful and in control.

939
00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 3: So in order for us to.

940
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:44,160
Speaker 5: Be actually addressing this and unpacking this and understanding this

941
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:48,000
Speaker 5: is around looking at what we call these gender drivers,

942
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:51,759
Speaker 5: whereas one of that is being around actually addressing the

943
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:55,239
Speaker 5: gender stereotypes that exist in our society and these expectations

944
00:43:55,239 --> 00:43:57,840
Speaker 5: that we hold and how they actually again don't serve anyone.

945
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 5: So based on sort of conversation that we just had,

946
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:03,880
Speaker 5: then it's around the condoning of violence. So we still

947
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:06,960
Speaker 5: see victim blaming taking place. So when we actually see

948
00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 5: violence occurring, again actually holding who is being violent to account,

949
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:15,880
Speaker 5: calling it for what it is rather than again putting

950
00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:17,360
Speaker 5: the blame on the victim.

951
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:20,360
Speaker 4: We see these male peer.

952
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:24,440
Speaker 5: Relationships that emphasize aggression. Often we'll see these in sort

953
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:28,000
Speaker 5: of different settings like saying, sporting clubs, etc. So in

954
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:31,319
Speaker 5: order for us to be creating spaces where men are

955
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:35,640
Speaker 5: encouraged to share emotion, share call out sexist attitudes and beliefs,

956
00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:37,759
Speaker 5: we need to think about where boys and men are

957
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 5: engaging and do a lot of work in those types

958
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:43,320
Speaker 5: of settings to create environments which enable them to actually.

959
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:43,880
Speaker 3: Do that as well.

960
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:47,480
Speaker 4: So if we sort of continue.

961
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:50,799
Speaker 5: To create this narrative where inequality is just something that

962
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:52,640
Speaker 5: we have to face and it's just something that we're

963
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:54,479
Speaker 5: going to have to put up with, then we're going

964
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:55,760
Speaker 5: to continue to see.

965
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:56,440
Speaker 4: These high rates.

966
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 5: But if we actually start talking about respect for relationship

967
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:06,359
Speaker 5: its gender or equality, equal safe, supportive, caring relationships, we'll

968
00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 5: see your ship, We'll see you change because violence is preventable.

969
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:12,799
Speaker 5: Violence is a choice someone chooses to use violence, which

970
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:15,320
Speaker 5: means that when someone is murdered, it's a choice someone's

971
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:17,560
Speaker 5: choosing to do that. So we can we can change

972
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:20,600
Speaker 5: that choice, we can change that action, and that really

973
00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:21,120
Speaker 5: starts with.

974
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:24,439
Speaker 2: Respect and like stemming off that, as a society, well

975
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:27,560
Speaker 2: can we do or what do you think that needs

976
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:29,880
Speaker 2: to happen for us to see an end or a

977
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:33,760
Speaker 2: decrease in the levels that that's happening at right now.

978
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 5: I think what we definitely need to do is that

979
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:38,120
Speaker 5: holding people to account.

980
00:45:38,239 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, that would be a big thing.

981
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 5: I think the continuation of education and resourcing to support

982
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:48,719
Speaker 5: this work, not only in supporting the direct service of

983
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:52,040
Speaker 5: supporting victims survivors, but also work around this prevention and

984
00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 5: education piece as well. So you know, off, it's we

985
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:57,040
Speaker 5: have been so fortunate to work with why cele Beauty

986
00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:59,440
Speaker 5: to enable us to do this, but if we didn't

987
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:01,200
Speaker 5: have that, then wouldn't be able to go out and

988
00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:04,840
Speaker 5: deliver these types of conversations which are so important, and

989
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 5: I think that really key thing around you know, starting

990
00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 5: as early as possible having conversations with children and young

991
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:17,160
Speaker 5: people about equality, around respect, around emotions, around body safety

992
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:20,719
Speaker 5: and everything like that needs to start really young so

993
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:24,360
Speaker 5: that we sort of create a future where it just

994
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 5: won't be tolerated to the level in which it's been tolerated.

995
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:29,360
Speaker 1: And just today checking in on your friends, I guess

996
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:32,319
Speaker 1: and calling it out if you see it around. Yeah,

997
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:36,200
Speaker 1: like little things can we do day to day that

998
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:37,359
Speaker 1: will prevent this?

999
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, checking in on your friends is the biggest thing

1000
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:42,759
Speaker 5: I think if any sort of takeaway from this, if

1001
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:45,960
Speaker 5: you're concerned, if you're worried, if you're feeling like your

1002
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 5: friend might be experiencing intimate partner violence, just simply checking

1003
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:54,719
Speaker 5: how you're going hows things within your relationship. Saying I'm concerned,

1004
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 5: you might even identify some of the things that you're noticing.

1005
00:46:58,040 --> 00:46:59,680
Speaker 5: I've noticed that you haven't come to a lot about

1006
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:04,759
Speaker 5: catchup recently. I'm worried about you create that space and

1007
00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 5: then allow that person to talk and just remind them

1008
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:12,440
Speaker 5: that you believe them, and just also think about how

1009
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:15,879
Speaker 5: you're communicating that too. So if you're going to send

1010
00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:18,560
Speaker 5: that via text message, just be mindful who's reading those

1011
00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:22,280
Speaker 5: text messages, Like who's who's got access to the different

1012
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:25,560
Speaker 5: platforms that you're chatting to your friend on. So is

1013
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 5: it that you do need to do that in a

1014
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:29,799
Speaker 5: face to face way or if a person is by

1015
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:32,440
Speaker 5: a text message sing I'm fine, Probably don't press them

1016
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:34,200
Speaker 5: because they're probably not going to share it on the

1017
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 5: like on text that way. And if someone does share

1018
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 5: their experience and you're they don't want to access support

1019
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 5: or services, don't push.

1020
00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:48,319
Speaker 4: It's it's their decision at the end of the day.

1021
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:51,240
Speaker 5: Unless it's to a point where you're really concerned about

1022
00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:55,280
Speaker 5: their livelihood, then obviously we would encourage, like calling Triple

1023
00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:58,480
Speaker 5: zero EXCEP. But if someone's not wanting to access support

1024
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:00,840
Speaker 5: right now, then that's okay, and they will at a

1025
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:02,839
Speaker 5: later stage if that's it feels right for them.

1026
00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:03,520
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1027
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:06,360
Speaker 2: Absolutely, Well, thank you so much Brianna for coming on

1028
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 2: the podcast today and sharing your work in what you

1029
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:11,839
Speaker 2: do for the community and everything like that. I think

1030
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:14,440
Speaker 2: it's a really important conversation that I think more women

1031
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 2: and people in society need to talk about.

1032
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:18,680
Speaker 6: So we're very grateful to have you on today.

1033
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:21,840
Speaker 1: Check out the free website. We will have resources and

1034
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:24,080
Speaker 1: everything linked in our description as well.

1035
00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:26,239
Speaker 3: But thank you guys so much. We will see you

1036
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:36,279
Speaker 3: on Thursday. Bye.