1 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:12,920 Speaker 1: Hi everyone, Carly Taylor here for this week's Mojo Monday. 2 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 1: So this morning I noticed something written on our bathroom mirror. 3 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:24,120 Speaker 1: So Paul, who is obviously my husband, he had scrawled 4 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: you lucky, lucky bastard with a whiteboard marker on his 5 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 1: side of the bathroom mirror. So if you are a 6 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:36,680 Speaker 1: Monty Python fan, you will recognize this line. And for 7 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 1: Paul it has become a bit of a mantra and 8 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:42,920 Speaker 1: it just happened to be written on the bathroom mirror 9 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:46,360 Speaker 1: this morning. And just as a side note, Paul does 10 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:49,800 Speaker 1: have a habit of writing little messages on the bathroom mirror. 11 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: And I know some of you, with your OCD around cleanliness, 12 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,520 Speaker 1: will probably be horrified at that. I know a couple 13 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:58,480 Speaker 1: of my friends are. They're like, no way, I couldn't 14 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 1: do that. But there are things that he sees every 15 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:09,040 Speaker 1: morning and every evening and they're reminders that whatever he's 16 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:12,319 Speaker 1: working on, it kind of grounds him and they're triggers 17 00:01:12,319 --> 00:01:16,399 Speaker 1: for him in his thought process. So I'll just give 18 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,280 Speaker 1: you a bit of a context. So some of you 19 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 1: may know that Paul is heading into open heart surgery 20 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:27,080 Speaker 1: in January, and it's quite a big operation. He has 21 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,600 Speaker 1: a congenital defect on his heart. It's aye. He has 22 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:34,120 Speaker 1: a bicusp but altic valve. Where most of us have 23 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:40,800 Speaker 1: three tricuspet valve, he only has two, and over time 24 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:44,080 Speaker 1: the muscles around this valve have weakened. And while he 25 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:48,640 Speaker 1: had no symptoms, the doctors told him that it's time 26 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 1: that he needs to get it fits because there is 27 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:54,560 Speaker 1: a bit of wear and tear there. And the interesting 28 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 1: thing is is that he discovered this completely by chance. 29 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,640 Speaker 1: He just decided to get a check up. He's got 30 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,280 Speaker 1: a friend on his soccer team who was a cardiologist 31 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,400 Speaker 1: and it kind of triggered him to go, oh, do 32 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 1: you know what, I might just go and get my 33 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:11,320 Speaker 1: heart check, no symptoms, no other reason than I'm just 34 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,720 Speaker 1: going to get it checked to see how i am. 35 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,480 Speaker 1: And it was so it was a preventative measure, and 36 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,920 Speaker 1: then this defect showed up. So I think it's a 37 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 1: reminder for us all that sometimes even when you're fit 38 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:28,200 Speaker 1: and healthy and feeling great, it's actually worth being proactive 39 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:32,520 Speaker 1: around your health because you never know. Anyway, this morning 40 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 1: I asked him why he'd written you lucky, lucky bastard 41 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:38,440 Speaker 1: on the mirror and he told me it was to 42 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:43,840 Speaker 1: remind him how lucky is that he caught this in time, 43 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:48,720 Speaker 1: and to appreciate this amazing life that he has. And 44 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,400 Speaker 1: he said, there's no time for negative thoughts here. And 45 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,440 Speaker 1: when he said this to me, it actually reminded me 46 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:59,120 Speaker 1: of a concept from Japanese psychology, and that is our 47 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:03,200 Speaker 1: lives like two sides of a coin. So on one 48 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:06,160 Speaker 1: side of the coin is our desire to live fully, 49 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:10,320 Speaker 1: to thrive, to have things turn out well. But on 50 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:14,639 Speaker 1: the other side of the coin is anxiety, fear, sadness, 51 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:18,919 Speaker 1: the worry that things might not work out. And Shoma Marisa, 52 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:23,480 Speaker 1: who was a Japanese psychiatrist who founded Marita Therapy, he 53 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:27,280 Speaker 1: tells us that two sides of the coin can't be separated. 54 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 1: They exist together. So you can't have the desire to 55 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 1: live fully, the desire for things to work out well, 56 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:39,000 Speaker 1: without the anxiety that comes from wanting things to go well. 57 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:42,480 Speaker 1: They're two sides of the same coin. They're inseparable, and 58 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:47,640 Speaker 1: they are essential to the human experience. So let's go 59 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 1: back to Paul's surgery. So on the mirror he's written 60 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:53,520 Speaker 1: something from one side of the coin, and that is 61 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:57,880 Speaker 1: around gratitude, gratitude for his life, for the chance to 62 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 1: fix his heart so he can then live well. And 63 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 1: on the other side of the coin, which is also 64 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:07,760 Speaker 1: present otherwise you wouldn't have written those words on the mirror, 65 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 1: is the fear that comes with having major surgery. And 66 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,640 Speaker 1: here's the thing. In our Western culture, we tend to 67 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,839 Speaker 1: focus only on that one side of the coin, only 68 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:22,080 Speaker 1: on the anxiety, the fear, or the sadness, and we 69 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:26,919 Speaker 1: see these as symptoms to fix, problems, to eliminate before 70 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 1: we can then go on the other side of the coin, 71 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 1: before we can move forward. But by doing this, we're 72 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,520 Speaker 1: ignoring the other side of the coin, and that's the 73 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:41,159 Speaker 1: part that reflects what we deeply care about. The anxiety 74 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:45,160 Speaker 1: exists because we want life to go well, and if 75 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 1: we wait for those feelings to disappear before we can 76 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,760 Speaker 1: live fully, before we can get on with our lives 77 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,720 Speaker 1: and live the life that we want, we'll end up 78 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:58,560 Speaker 1: waiting for a very long time or waiting forever. Because 79 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:02,000 Speaker 1: they are a part of life, they're a part of 80 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 1: being human. So by turning the coin over, we're doing 81 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:09,920 Speaker 1: a couple of things. We're taking our attention away from 82 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:13,039 Speaker 1: the pain the anxiety. We know it's still there, but 83 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:18,160 Speaker 1: our attention is then put onto something full of purpose 84 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 1: and meaning, and maybe just this simple shift in attention 85 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:26,040 Speaker 1: will take the intensity out of the emotion, so then 86 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,560 Speaker 1: we can get on with living the life that we want. 87 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,080 Speaker 1: And if there's less intensity, the fear then doesn't control us, 88 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:37,960 Speaker 1: or the anxiety doesn't control us. It quietens down, just 89 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:41,840 Speaker 1: like background's noise, like a radio playing quietly in the background, 90 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 1: and then we can move forward and live the life 91 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 1: that we truly want. So here's a little exercise for 92 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:53,360 Speaker 1: next time you're feeling anxious or sad or afraid. Take 93 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:57,440 Speaker 1: a coin in your hands and look at one side 94 00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 1: and then name how you're feeling, maybe it's fear or 95 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 1: worry or sadness, and then flip the coin over. What's 96 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:09,839 Speaker 1: on the other side. What does this feeling tell you 97 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,680 Speaker 1: about what you really care about? So, for example, if 98 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:19,080 Speaker 1: you're anxious in social situations, then flip over the coin. 99 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,599 Speaker 1: It's like, what is on the other side of that coin. 100 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:26,760 Speaker 1: Maybe it's that you value connection and meaningful relationships. Or 101 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:30,960 Speaker 1: if you're nervous about speaking out in a meeting, maybe 102 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:37,719 Speaker 1: you value contribution. If you've got fear around a health diagnosis. Yeah, 103 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,919 Speaker 1: what's on the other side of that coin. It's because 104 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,920 Speaker 1: you want to live, you want to live well. And 105 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,840 Speaker 1: if you're grieving somebody, then on the other side of 106 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:50,240 Speaker 1: that coin is love. So the two sides of the coin, 107 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,920 Speaker 1: they're a packaged deal. You can't have one without the other. 108 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 1: So if you want to get rid of the anxiety, 109 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,560 Speaker 1: get rid of the fear, then you also have to 110 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:03,320 Speaker 1: get rid of the desire to live well. So next 111 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:09,120 Speaker 1: time you're grappling with a difficult emotion, rather than trying 112 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:13,040 Speaker 1: to get rid of the emotion, instead flip the coin 113 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:16,440 Speaker 1: over and that way you can see the whole picture 114 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 1: and remember it's all part of being human. Thank you 115 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,800 Speaker 1: so much for joining me this week. And if you 116 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:29,440 Speaker 1: are enjoying the podcast, whether it's Mojo Mondays, or whether 117 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 1: it's The Wisdom Wenesday, The Wisdom Wednesdays, or the Saturday 118 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:39,160 Speaker 1: podcast with the guests, it would be wonderful if you 119 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:43,760 Speaker 1: could leave a review on your podcast platform because that 120 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 1: really helps us to keep the podcast going. So I 121 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,440 Speaker 1: will catch you next week.