1 00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:12,400 Speaker 1: Everyone, it's Carli Taylor here for this week's Mojo Monday. 2 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:16,200 Speaker 1: So last week was part one of our series of 3 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:21,639 Speaker 1: becoming mentally Fit, and we talked about the importance of size. 4 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:25,480 Speaker 1: This week we're diving into part two and today it's 5 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:30,120 Speaker 1: all about my favorite subject, which is mindset. And it's 6 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:33,120 Speaker 1: not the common just think positive kind of way, which 7 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,560 Speaker 1: of course can help in the short term. But today 8 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 1: we're going to get really real and practical and talk 9 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 1: about mindset in an One of the most important parts 10 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:49,160 Speaker 1: of mindset is something called psychological flexibility, and this comes 11 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:53,400 Speaker 1: from a therapeutic approach I use in my coaching called ACT, 12 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:57,600 Speaker 1: which is Acceptance and Commitment therapy. And the idea is 13 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:03,000 Speaker 1: pretty simple. To explain a lot skill you have to practice, 14 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:06,360 Speaker 1: but to put it kind of in a simple way 15 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: so you can understand it. Life throws us stuff all 16 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:13,440 Speaker 1: the time. We will always go through some sort of 17 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:17,800 Speaker 1: situation and then we have thoughts and emotions that come up. 18 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:21,480 Speaker 1: And this happens on a continual base. And some of 19 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 1: these situations are just the blaff every day stuff. Say, 20 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:29,920 Speaker 1: for example, someone's left dirty dishes at the side of 21 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:33,319 Speaker 1: the sink, which is one of my pet hates, and 22 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,200 Speaker 1: there's thoughts that come up around that, like who the 23 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:39,039 Speaker 1: hell left those there? And maybe a bit of frustration 24 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:44,200 Speaker 1: right like the sun is shining today, so you think 25 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 1: about all the things that you can do outside, and 26 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:49,400 Speaker 1: maybe that brings you a sense of joy. And then 27 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 1: some of the situations in life are really hard, and 28 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:55,560 Speaker 1: of course there's a spectrum of heart and there are 29 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 1: endless examples. I guess an example for me is the 30 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 1: one that I use BEQ, which is my son getting 31 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:06,640 Speaker 1: a rare disease, and that was a really hard situation, 32 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:10,680 Speaker 1: so of course all these thoughts came up, like what 33 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 1: if this happens? What if that happens? And the fear 34 00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 1: and the anxiety and the intense emotions that swirled around 35 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,760 Speaker 1: in my body at that time. So most of you 36 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 1: will have your own examples of all three of these 37 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 1: kind of levels of situations and thoughts and feelings that 38 00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:36,000 Speaker 1: come up. So psychological flexibility is the skill of noticing 39 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 1: what's going on inside you when things happen, so your 40 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 1: thoughts and without being bossed around by them. So it's 41 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:49,079 Speaker 1: an ability to stay connected to what really matters most 42 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:53,200 Speaker 1: and then take action even when your mind is telling 43 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 1: you to avoid or give up or run away. And 44 00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:04,560 Speaker 1: here's the thing. Everyone feels every day where nervous, anxious, angry, uncertain, 45 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:09,560 Speaker 1: or flat sometimes so. But emotions like anxiety, for example, 46 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,400 Speaker 1: they're not signs that something is wrong with you. And 47 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:16,960 Speaker 1: I've said this many times. They're just part of being human. 48 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:21,760 Speaker 1: They might even be trying to tell you something important, 49 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,680 Speaker 1: because you don't want to start fighting with emotions if 50 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: there's a really important message there. So maybe you're anxious 51 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:32,520 Speaker 1: because you really care and it's telling you to do 52 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:37,080 Speaker 1: something because that's something matters. And if we allow it, 53 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 1: our default response, which will be saying equotions because they're 54 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:47,800 Speaker 1: uncomfortable and painful, means there's no mental flexibility there. But 55 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:51,080 Speaker 1: what if we said yes to them, allowed them to 56 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 1: be there, to ebb and flow while we take action 57 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:59,000 Speaker 1: and get on with living authentically according to our values, 58 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:03,360 Speaker 1: according to what's important. So I'll give you an example 59 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:07,520 Speaker 1: of this. When I was younger, and I'm talking, you know, 60 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,200 Speaker 1: as a teenager and in my twenties and thirties, I 61 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:15,600 Speaker 1: really struggled with that self talk, with the belief that 62 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 1: I wasn't good enough, and that voice in my head 63 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:24,800 Speaker 1: would pop up before and big things, so presentations, hard conversations, 64 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,880 Speaker 1: anything like parties, anything that felt like there was a 65 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:32,920 Speaker 1: risk there. And there are many examples that I did 66 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:37,720 Speaker 1: allow those thoughts to stop me, and that psychological rigidity, 67 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 1: letting your thoughts and emotions when there actually are other options. 68 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:48,600 Speaker 1: But over time I learned to do something different. I 69 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:53,800 Speaker 1: learned to notice those thoughts, feel the emotions and move 70 00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 1: forward anyway, and that psychological flexibility and I would not 71 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:05,680 Speaker 1: be doing this presentations or doing CrossFit or you know, 72 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,719 Speaker 1: I traveled a lot on my own when I was 73 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:11,920 Speaker 1: younger if I had given in to those thoughts and emotions. 74 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,680 Speaker 1: We need to get flexible in our minds, just like 75 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:19,000 Speaker 1: our bodies, and that takes training. And I can tell 76 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:22,799 Speaker 1: you if you do mind, it will make a huge 77 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:26,159 Speaker 1: difference in your life and you will have plenty to 78 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:31,400 Speaker 1: be proud of. So how do we build psychological flexibility? 79 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:35,120 Speaker 1: The first thing to do is to notice your thoughts 80 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:39,159 Speaker 1: and notice your emotions, so you become the noticer. What 81 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:43,000 Speaker 1: is your Mind's a hard? So just think about that. 82 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 1: Now you know something hard has happened in your life recently, 83 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:50,000 Speaker 1: what is your mind? Say? You know, mind still defaults 84 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 1: to know. It's just still defaults to you're not good enough, 85 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,920 Speaker 1: and it probably always will, so you've got to name it. 86 00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:01,520 Speaker 1: And it's like you say, ah, there's that old there's 87 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:04,680 Speaker 1: that story that I'm not good enough. So you're noticing 88 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,279 Speaker 1: what is going on internally, and then you check in 89 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:12,680 Speaker 1: with your values what actually really matters here. And I'll 90 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:17,240 Speaker 1: give you an example of this. My daughter went backpacking 91 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:22,760 Speaker 1: last year, right after her year twelve, literally a week 92 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:26,640 Speaker 1: or so after those poor girls got poisoned in last 93 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:30,520 Speaker 1: and that town was the destination that my daughter was 94 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:35,440 Speaker 1: going to first. So of course my mind went crazy 95 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: and it was don't let her go. And I had 96 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:43,240 Speaker 1: to notice that values as a mother, which we're clashing 97 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,560 Speaker 1: at this point because obviously I have a value of 98 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:49,719 Speaker 1: keeping my daughter safe and I went into protective mode, 99 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,839 Speaker 1: but I also needed to let her go on that 100 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:57,000 Speaker 1: adventure to become independent and to trust that she would 101 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:02,160 Speaker 1: avoid anything that put her at risk what was going 102 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 1: on over there. So you can see that value of 103 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 1: letting go, of allowing her to develop this independence. I 104 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,680 Speaker 1: had to follow that rather than what the chatter was 105 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:18,760 Speaker 1: in my mind. And then the third thing is to 106 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:23,200 Speaker 1: take one small so even if it's uncomfortable, and I 107 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 1: guess that was me letting her go. So even if 108 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:30,080 Speaker 1: you don't feel ready, you know, maybe it's you want 109 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: to go for a job interview, or maybe you want 110 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:35,480 Speaker 1: to do a presentation or write a book or whatever 111 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:39,840 Speaker 1: it is. It's especially if you don't feel ready, take 112 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 1: that tore in a small wheelie bag and drag it 113 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 1: behind you while you get on with living your life. 114 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 1: So there's a mantra that I often come back to 115 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:56,120 Speaker 1: when I'm feeling stuck in my head and it's hard 116 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,600 Speaker 1: to take action. And that mantra is lead with the body. 117 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,760 Speaker 1: With this from Greg Creech, who's my teacher in Japanese 118 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:08,280 Speaker 1: psychology over at the Toto Institute, and I like to 119 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,080 Speaker 1: actually take it one step further, so it's lead with 120 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:15,120 Speaker 1: the body and the mind will follow. Because so often 121 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:19,800 Speaker 1: it's action that shifts our mindset, not the other way round. 122 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 1: Move even just a little things that once felt out 123 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 1: of reach now start to feel possible, you know, Doubts 124 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:34,440 Speaker 1: begin to fade away, and confidence starts to build, not 125 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:38,320 Speaker 1: because we thought our way there, but because we acted 126 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 1: our way there. Flexible mindset isn't about avoiding the stress 127 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:49,320 Speaker 1: or pushing away any uncomfortable emotions. It's about learning how 128 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:52,560 Speaker 1: to respond to them in a way that moves you 129 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:56,160 Speaker 1: closer to the life that you want to live. So 130 00:08:56,280 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 1: this week, pay attention to how you respond getting stuck 131 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:08,839 Speaker 1: in old thought loops, waiting until you feel ready. Are 132 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:13,800 Speaker 1: your feelings ruling your life because that is a choice. 133 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:17,200 Speaker 1: So you can lead with the body and then the 134 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:21,760 Speaker 1: mind will follow. So be willing to feel and still 135 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 1: take a step forward. So that's the work, and that's 136 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:29,560 Speaker 1: what builds mental fitness. So thank you so much for 137 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:32,880 Speaker 1: joining me this week. I actually thought next week we 138 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:36,280 Speaker 1: could do another one on mindset and I'm thinking of 139 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:41,240 Speaker 1: having a special guest on the King of Mindset. If 140 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:45,200 Speaker 1: I can pin him down, we can have a chat 141 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:51,559 Speaker 1: with him about his PhD, which is all about mindset 142 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:55,520 Speaker 1: and I think you'll find it really interesting. So until then, 143 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,560 Speaker 1: have a great week and I will catch you next week. 144 00:09:58,720 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 1: See ya.