WEBVTT - AMELIA MARNI'S FIRST TELL-ALL 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:02.680 I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming. 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:06.080 She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of 0:00:06.120 --> 0:00:07.080 my kissing style. 0:00:07.600 --> 0:00:10.719 We would a boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. 0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:13.920 He's in a trash bin. He's non recyclable catching member. 0:00:15.360 --> 0:00:17.439 I love being love, I love love. 0:00:18.680 --> 0:00:19.000 Today. 0:00:19.000 --> 0:00:21.600 We are thrilled to be hanging out with Amelia many 0:00:21.920 --> 0:00:25.279 as we chat all things Love, Island, breakups, and being 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:26.920 single in twenty twenty two. 0:00:27.200 --> 0:00:34.120 Stay tuned to hear all the goss from Amelia. 0:00:34.440 --> 0:00:36.920 Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all 0:00:36.960 --> 0:00:42.360 things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between. 0:00:42.640 --> 0:00:45.360 This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:47.720 intimate details, advice, and much more. 0:00:52.640 --> 0:00:55.960 Hello Amelia, Hi guys, thanks so much for having me. 0:00:56.080 --> 0:00:57.240 I'm so excited to chat. 0:00:57.520 --> 0:01:00.840 Well, Amelia, I just have to say a massive congratulations 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:03.400 because you are doing amazing things at the moment. I 0:01:03.440 --> 0:01:07.880 saw on your socials recently that you flew to London 0:01:07.959 --> 0:01:09.960 to be part of the remal campaign. 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:14.360 Look, mummy's been working in partying. She's been doing a 0:01:14.360 --> 0:01:16.840 little bit of both. I mean it was a little 0:01:16.840 --> 0:01:19.920 bit unbalanced at the start, like a few months ago, 0:01:20.000 --> 0:01:21.720 I was only partying and now I'm. 0:01:21.520 --> 0:01:23.040 Like picking up on work a bit more. 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:26.080 But yeah, it was so exciting I did for their 0:01:26.120 --> 0:01:30.080 new like thrill Seeker, like VISCAA. So I was there 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:33.119 in London shooting that. I went to this amazing event 0:01:33.160 --> 0:01:35.120 there with them, and that's when I was like, all right, 0:01:35.120 --> 0:01:37.280 I'm gonna put my head down work as much as 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:39.720 I can in London, and especially considering you guys are 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:42.440 probably similar a lot of a lot of your followers 0:01:42.480 --> 0:01:43.000 from UK. 0:01:43.600 --> 0:01:46.200 Yeah, yeah, so I was like, great, I can work 0:01:46.200 --> 0:01:48.760 with UK brands. It makes sense. Blah blah blah, I'm 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:51.560 gonna hustle here. I went to one event and then 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:54.000 it was all downhill from then I just partied the 0:01:54.000 --> 0:01:57.160 whole time. So look, I don't regret it. But it 0:01:57.240 --> 0:01:59.480 was a big party and a tiny tiny bit of work. 0:02:00.000 --> 0:02:03.200 I mean, your recently single, so of course you needed 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:05.560 to like soak it all up, have a bit of 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:06.760 a hot girl summer. 0:02:07.520 --> 0:02:09.440 Do you reckon? You've ticked that box now? 0:02:10.440 --> 0:02:15.720 Hundred are hundred percent? I feel like I ticked it, Like, look, 0:02:15.800 --> 0:02:18.760 I just kept going. I just I remember thinking I 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:21.560 was like I need to slow down, like I can't 0:02:21.639 --> 0:02:24.480 keep partying like this. But you know what, like so 0:02:24.560 --> 0:02:26.600 many of my friends, like so many different groups kept 0:02:26.639 --> 0:02:29.240 coming and then they would come for like it would 0:02:29.240 --> 0:02:30.800 be their first week. They'll be like, meet up with 0:02:30.880 --> 0:02:33.280 us in Ibiza and I'll be like, okay, amazing, They'll fresh, 0:02:33.760 --> 0:02:36.200 you know, fresh Ibetha vibes, and I was like, guys, 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:39.480 I've already done this four times, like so it was incredible, 0:02:39.600 --> 0:02:42.360 but yeah, now I'm like more, my head's down. I 0:02:42.360 --> 0:02:45.520 got it all out of my system, all the celebrations 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:49.120 and yeah, I'm just ready to be zen and work. 0:02:49.440 --> 0:02:49.600 Well. 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:53.600 Look, speaking of girls trips, you recently were on holiday. 0:02:53.919 --> 0:02:56.920 I think you were on holiday are away somewhere and 0:02:57.000 --> 0:02:59.760 you were hanging out with one of my biggest girl crushes, 0:03:00.160 --> 0:03:01.639 Kayla Testa. 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:03.520 Tell me a bit about that. 0:03:04.320 --> 0:03:07.480 Yeah, so we she knew one of my friends that 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:11.040 I was with Tuesday and then she was like messaging 0:03:11.080 --> 0:03:11.680 her in and out. 0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:13.880 We were going to meet up with her and Bali. 0:03:13.680 --> 0:03:17.160 Like a few months before that, so I'd been in Bali, 0:03:17.600 --> 0:03:20.080 like I can't even remember the timeline. I think it 0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:21.960 was May. So we were going to meet up with 0:03:21.960 --> 0:03:23.920 her there and then we were all in Europe. At 0:03:23.919 --> 0:03:25.600 the same time, We're like, let's meet up in my 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:29.280 beeth that will be so fun. And obviously I'd seen 0:03:29.360 --> 0:03:31.520 so much of her on TikTok and everything, and I'd 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:32.239 heard so much. 0:03:32.120 --> 0:03:34.960 About her, and it was so refreshing meeting her. 0:03:34.880 --> 0:03:36.840 Because she just has such a big heart, like you 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:39.360 can just see she is so sweet and she just 0:03:39.440 --> 0:03:40.080 really cares. 0:03:40.320 --> 0:03:41.280 Her generosity. 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:44.360 I've never, like, I haven't seen many people that have 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:47.120 this like generosity where they just like care about other 0:03:47.160 --> 0:03:49.720 people and they want to make sure like they're always 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:51.760 looking out for other people. But yeah, she's such a 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:54.960 sweet girl, like such a nice girl, so easy going, 0:03:55.240 --> 0:03:57.840 just like yeah, yeah, just normal, just easy going. 0:03:58.200 --> 0:04:00.880 When I saw you guys hanging out, I was thinking, like, Okay, 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:02.760 so they're both going through breakups. 0:04:02.800 --> 0:04:04.560 Surely they would be bonding over that. 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:07.960 Yes, definitely, Like we we spoke about it a lot. 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:11.720 I think our experiences were super super different, and I 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:15.080 think a lot more people were definitely like putting maybe 0:04:15.160 --> 0:04:16.919 pressure on them to get back together. 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:19.640 I don't know, I don't know, that's just what I noticed. 0:04:19.640 --> 0:04:22.040 Like I feel like it's always like and people have 0:04:22.200 --> 0:04:25.200 really invested in their relationship, like I saw teatogs that 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:28.240 were all these videos of them and stuff, and I 0:04:28.279 --> 0:04:29.719 was like, Okay, where's my remixes? 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:34.800 Like no, but I was like, okay, but where's my footage? Huh? 0:04:35.080 --> 0:04:35.359 I know. 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:38.200 But so people, it would be a lot of pressure 0:04:38.320 --> 0:04:40.040 for her, whereas I feel like I had it at 0:04:40.040 --> 0:04:43.480 a lot smaller scale, and I think people, I don't know, 0:04:43.560 --> 0:04:48.640 I think, yeah, people, I didn't actually get any too 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:51.280 much pressure or hate from the outside. It was actually 0:04:51.360 --> 0:04:53.000 nice because I was scared of that. I was like, 0:04:53.000 --> 0:04:54.359 oh my god, people are going to think I'm like 0:04:54.440 --> 0:04:57.640 some like person that's like either cheated or I've like, 0:04:57.800 --> 0:05:00.520 you know, like I'm like trying to run away from 0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:02.480 I don't know. I just had an idea that people 0:05:02.520 --> 0:05:05.360 would think of me. But yeah, we definitely. I don't 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:07.440 know how I've trailed to this, but yeah, we definitely 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:11.480 bonded over the breakup, but we had completely different feelings 0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:12.479 towards our ex's. 0:05:12.600 --> 0:05:14.400 All right, well, on that, shall we talk about the 0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:16.719 breakup next and what happened between you and Josh. 0:05:17.040 --> 0:05:17.560 Let's say that. 0:05:21.279 --> 0:05:23.880 It was unfortunate to hear about you and Josh breaking up. 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:27.600 You guys, did your posts on your separate respectful Instagram accounts. 0:05:27.600 --> 0:05:28.840 Do you want to tell us a bit about what 0:05:29.040 --> 0:05:31.560 actually happened and what led to the breakup? 0:05:32.240 --> 0:05:36.159 Yeah, I mean I can only speak on my experience 0:05:36.240 --> 0:05:39.440 and I would never like speak on anything that you know, 0:05:39.520 --> 0:05:42.839 he was going through or any anything about him. So 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:47.200 I guess when I think, there's so many factors to 0:05:47.279 --> 0:05:49.640 what led us to getting to a point where we 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:53.720 decided to go our separate ways, and I think it 0:05:53.760 --> 0:05:56.919 all stems down to that we are so so different, 0:05:57.120 --> 0:06:00.200 like even now, like even when we were to other 0:06:00.240 --> 0:06:03.520 people would be like, wow, you guys, like are so different, 0:06:03.560 --> 0:06:05.520 which can be a really great thing in a lot 0:06:05.560 --> 0:06:08.640 of relationships. But I think I don't know in our 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:12.279 maybe what we wanted from each other, even like the 0:06:12.320 --> 0:06:15.520 way that I expressed love was so different. Like I'm 0:06:15.680 --> 0:06:18.919 very affectionate and I love to always I'm very passionate, 0:06:19.000 --> 0:06:21.520 so I'm always like talking about it, so I want 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:24.640 someone to almost you know, That's how I understand love 0:06:24.680 --> 0:06:27.000 as well, like someone talking to me about how much 0:06:27.040 --> 0:06:28.920 they love me or me and me telling that and 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:31.800 expressing that and also being very physical and stuff like that, 0:06:32.560 --> 0:06:36.479 and which is some people that that's it's not natural 0:06:36.480 --> 0:06:38.080 for them. That's not how they show level, that's not 0:06:38.120 --> 0:06:41.560 how they feel loved, which is so fine, but that 0:06:41.720 --> 0:06:44.200 was a big part as well. I think we in 0:06:44.240 --> 0:06:47.800 that sense as lovers, we were very unmatched. So that 0:06:47.960 --> 0:06:50.719 was a big thing for me, which I didn't I 0:06:50.760 --> 0:06:53.440 couldn't put my finger on it, like, I just couldn't. 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:56.280 It's like it always there was always some kind of 0:06:56.400 --> 0:06:59.640 like questioning in my mind, not in him, because I 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:02.960 really did deeply love him as a person, but I 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:06.040 just felt like I was like, I'm just never getting 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:07.160 what I need. 0:07:06.960 --> 0:07:09.760 Almost and that's important in a relationship. 0:07:09.160 --> 0:07:11.040 As well, and it is so important, and now I 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:14.200 realize that, like there is some non negotiables that if 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:16.480 it doesn't work for you and you're not getting what 0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:19.160 you need, or you're not even able to give what 0:07:19.200 --> 0:07:22.200 you usually given in a partner like or you're you know, 0:07:22.800 --> 0:07:25.360 because there's certain things you might suppress because you're not 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:29.080 feeling comfortable to do certain things or give certain things 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:32.560 of you because you're not it's not reciprocated or you 0:07:32.560 --> 0:07:35.200 don't feel comfortable. So yeah, I feel like even from 0:07:35.200 --> 0:07:38.040 the beginning, there was always kind of insecurities, and I 0:07:38.040 --> 0:07:39.960 think the way we met as well, I had him 0:07:40.000 --> 0:07:43.040 on this really high pedestal. I was going into the 0:07:43.080 --> 0:07:45.480 show he was like the favorite one, but I did. 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:47.960 I liked him from the beginning, from the promo videos. 0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:50.400 I was like him, he's a funny one, Like he's cute, 0:07:50.440 --> 0:07:51.040 Like he's. 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:51.480 The one I want. 0:07:51.880 --> 0:07:55.680 So going into it in with that kind of headspace 0:07:55.680 --> 0:07:57.320 where you're like, oh my god, like I like this 0:07:57.360 --> 0:07:59.280 person so much. I've been watching him for six weeks 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:02.080 straight live like, and then you go in for that person, 0:08:02.520 --> 0:08:04.600 You're like, Okay, I'm gonna like put everything I can 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:06.200 because I want him to like me back. 0:08:06.200 --> 0:08:08.560 So then I went in there. He liked me back, 0:08:08.600 --> 0:08:09.080 thank god. 0:08:09.240 --> 0:08:11.560 But I would do little things to check in if 0:08:11.560 --> 0:08:14.640 he was interested in me, and which back then I 0:08:14.680 --> 0:08:16.680 was like twenty two, I was a lot more insecure 0:08:16.960 --> 0:08:18.840 and like I would say little things like oh, I 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:20.760 can see you being my boyfriend on the outside, and 0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:26.120 you go really and I'd be like yeah, and there'll 0:08:26.160 --> 0:08:27.920 be nothing back, and then I would have a tantrum 0:08:27.960 --> 0:08:29.480 and cry for an hour in the corner. 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:31.600 I'll be like, he doesn't want me, he doesn't want me. 0:08:31.680 --> 0:08:34.719 So then that built another you know, level of like 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:37.440 me feeling like I wasn't good enough. So then I 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:39.520 just kept on it, kept on being like that, which 0:08:39.559 --> 0:08:41.320 was not his fault at all, And of course he 0:08:41.360 --> 0:08:43.360 did give me reassurance in the way. 0:08:43.200 --> 0:08:43.760 That he could. 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:47.079 So it started off like that, and then coming out, 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:50.679 everyone was like obsessed with him and there was guys 0:08:50.720 --> 0:08:51.280 that would say. 0:08:51.120 --> 0:08:53.200 You're punching Amelia movie what. 0:08:54.280 --> 0:08:58.040 But I had this like storyline in my head that 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:00.600 I was not worthy of him and I was so 0:09:00.720 --> 0:09:03.200 lucky to be with him, which no matter who it is, 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:06.719 if it's a fucked up celebrity or whatever, like if 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:10.520 I was dating Johnny Depp, like it doesn't matter, like 0:09:10.600 --> 0:09:13.200 no one is better or not like it should be 0:09:13.240 --> 0:09:16.079 and you should feel balanced and feel. 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:17.480 Worthy of it. And that was an issue in me. 0:09:17.600 --> 0:09:20.679 I just never felt like I was I deserved his 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:21.520 love or anything. 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:23.840 And then it just was a disaster from the beginning. 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:27.520 But we worked on a lot, like we went to therapy, 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:31.839 and we both both of us grew so much as people. 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:35.120 I let down a lot of insecurities, I trusted his 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:36.720 love more, and I got to a place where I 0:09:36.760 --> 0:09:39.080 knew he loved me and he knew I loved him, 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:41.760 but at the core of it, I think we still 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:42.679 were so different. 0:09:42.960 --> 0:09:44.240 So yeah, it took me. 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:47.760 A long long time, but I felt like there was 0:09:47.760 --> 0:09:49.200 a lot of things that kept popping up. 0:09:49.240 --> 0:09:52.000 We would have the same kind of fights, and. 0:09:53.120 --> 0:09:56.920 Yeah, we just really just yeah, we just grew apart 0:09:57.000 --> 0:09:59.880 as people. And but the moment that we, like said, 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:03.320 I was like, oh my God, like I feel like 0:10:03.400 --> 0:10:06.120 myself again. Like I feel like I know who I 0:10:06.160 --> 0:10:08.240 am again. I know what I care about, I know 0:10:08.240 --> 0:10:10.880 what my values are, I know what I want from 0:10:10.920 --> 0:10:12.800 a person. I know what kind of person I am 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:14.800 in a relationship, and I know what I can give. 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:18.200 And I just I've never felt more myself again. 0:10:18.600 --> 0:10:19.720 I'm so happy for you. 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:23.400 So you said before that at the side of the 0:10:23.480 --> 0:10:27.439 relationship with Josh, you struggled, I guess to get validated 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:31.160 by him. Did that continue throughout the whole relationship or 0:10:31.200 --> 0:10:33.320 did slowly that change. 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:33.959 Yeah. 0:10:34.080 --> 0:10:37.520 I think it was a mixture of I reckon it's 0:10:38.400 --> 0:10:40.640 I don't know, maybe this isn't the correct percentage ninety 0:10:40.640 --> 0:10:44.120 percent me of like being super I'm just I was 0:10:44.160 --> 0:10:47.559 such a different person and then I was so deeply insecure. 0:10:47.640 --> 0:10:49.520 I just had no self worth. 0:10:49.640 --> 0:10:53.200 So it was that combined with someone that naturally doesn't, 0:10:53.360 --> 0:10:56.439 you know, express their love, it's just a recipe for disaster. 0:10:56.720 --> 0:10:59.760 So definitely along the way we both learned. 0:11:00.480 --> 0:11:02.840 I learned to accept his love and I learned to 0:11:02.920 --> 0:11:05.679 feel relaxed in it, and he also learned to show it. 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:09.640 So at the start, I think it was you're still 0:11:09.640 --> 0:11:11.520 in the honeymoon phase and you're having so much fun 0:11:11.559 --> 0:11:14.199 with the other person, but they still so many doubts. 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:16.920 But maybe there was also doubts because we weren't the 0:11:17.000 --> 0:11:20.000 right match, like we were mismatched. Like of course there 0:11:20.000 --> 0:11:22.280 were so many things about us that were matched, but 0:11:22.360 --> 0:11:24.600 I think deep down we were mismatched at the end 0:11:24.600 --> 0:11:25.040 of the day. 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:27.960 And I think that's the crazy thing about Love Island 0:11:28.120 --> 0:11:30.400 is you can meet someone and I feel this way 0:11:30.400 --> 0:11:32.480 as well. You can meet someone who you really get 0:11:32.520 --> 0:11:35.720 along with and you enjoy hanging out with, and you 0:11:36.040 --> 0:11:40.240 meet them in this holiday, glamorized environment, and it does 0:11:40.280 --> 0:11:42.520 You're right, Like when you said that, I really resonated 0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:45.920 with It really puts them on a pedestal. But a 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:49.239 lot of the time, you know, it is a mismatch. 0:11:49.320 --> 0:11:52.800 Like you guys were the longest standing couple. My relationship 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:54.880 from Love Island lasted a year and it was a 0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:56.080 fucking shambles. 0:11:57.320 --> 0:12:00.160 Was just it was just not in it. 0:12:00.679 --> 0:12:04.880 And you know, I think, speaking just from personal experience, 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:07.440 I felt like there was a lot of pressure to 0:12:07.559 --> 0:12:11.280 stay together. So my question to you, I guess, is 0:12:11.320 --> 0:12:12.720 did you feel that same pressure. 0:12:13.880 --> 0:12:14.080 Yeah. 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:16.240 I've thought a lot about this because a lot of 0:12:16.280 --> 0:12:18.000 people have said that to me, and a lot of 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:21.040 people have said, oh, you must have stayed together, like 0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:23.720 because of the show and you were the last couple 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:26.680 and stuff. And I think the biggest pressures I had 0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:29.920 was that I wanted it to work so deeply, because 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:32.679 I am the type of person when I commit to something, 0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:35.960 I am one hundred percent, I leave no stone unturned, 0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:39.400 like I would do anything to make it work because 0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:41.000 I just wanted it to work with him. 0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:42.839 And when I'm committed. 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:44.439 To something, like I say, I said this the other 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:46.200 day to someone, I was like, I've been vegan for 0:12:46.320 --> 0:12:49.840 nine years and I've almost lost my reasons to be vegan, 0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:51.640 just because I've been doing it for so long. But 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:53.880 when I commit to something, I don't sometimes I don't 0:12:53.880 --> 0:12:56.000 even know why I'm doing it. No, I do know 0:12:56.080 --> 0:12:58.760 I love animals, but I'm like, my passion for it 0:12:58.840 --> 0:13:01.680 might drop, but I still commit stay to it, and 0:13:01.720 --> 0:13:03.000 I still make sure it works. 0:13:03.000 --> 0:13:04.000 So I tried. 0:13:03.800 --> 0:13:05.560 Everything with him, like I did not want to give 0:13:05.640 --> 0:13:07.400 up because I was like, I love this person, I 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:08.320 want to make it work. 0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:12.160 But in that I lost love for myself. So yeah, 0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:12.840 I don't know. 0:13:13.320 --> 0:13:15.480 It's hard for me to pinpoint if it was prescuoreus 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:19.000 from the outside. I think if anything, I was scared 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:21.000 of the break when I got to the point of 0:13:21.040 --> 0:13:23.199 where I knew we wanted to break up. 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:26.520 I was scared that people would hate me or judge me, 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:29.240 or think I cheated or think I did something horrible. 0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:31.520 That was the only thing. 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:34.400 But I definitely didn't stay with him for the outside 0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:38.600 because I always believe like happy, like it doesn't matter 0:13:38.720 --> 0:13:41.200 hap happiness and love is the most important thing. 0:13:41.600 --> 0:13:43.520 And that's why I kept pushing to make it work. 0:13:43.559 --> 0:13:47.000 I was like, therapy this that, let's do this holiday, 0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:49.560 let's move in. And I think even moving in, I 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:50.800 was like, oh my god, if we move in, that 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:53.080 means he really loves me, he wants to be with me. Like, 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:55.280 if we do this, that means he wants to be 0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:57.439 with me. If he's going to propose to me, that means, 0:13:57.559 --> 0:14:00.120 you know, it's going to fix everything. And I think 0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:02.880 that's also an issue in itself because those kind of 0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:05.040 things aren't going to fix the relationship. 0:14:05.360 --> 0:14:08.000 If anything, it should strengthen it, I guess. 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:10.200 But you shouldn't want to do it too, because it 0:14:10.280 --> 0:14:12.000 means like that's they want to be with you. 0:14:12.080 --> 0:14:14.440 And yeah, it was. I was just obsessed with the 0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:16.040 idea of him wanting to be with me. 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:19.800 Well, look, speaking of cheating, because you mentioned that before, 0:14:20.320 --> 0:14:25.000 there were rumors going around that obviously before you guys 0:14:25.000 --> 0:14:28.360 broke up, you had gone to Coachella, there was rumors 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:30.920 that you had met this guy in La. Do you 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:33.000 want to clarify that for us? 0:14:33.520 --> 0:14:36.440 Yeah, So I had a really big issue with that, 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:39.160 just because the type of person I am, I am 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:43.400 so ridiculously loyal, like to a point where even if 0:14:43.440 --> 0:14:46.440 I was so mentally checked out, I would never even 0:14:46.560 --> 0:14:49.680 flirt with someone like when I'm in a relationship, I'm 0:14:49.720 --> 0:14:52.000 just like tunnel vision for that person. 0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:55.080 So it did really bother me. And I know that 0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:58.480 I heard like on his breakup podcast, because he's got 0:14:58.520 --> 0:15:00.920 his own podcast. He was like, you know, like she 0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:01.800 went to Coachella. 0:15:01.920 --> 0:15:04.680 People were saying, like, maybe she cheated. I don't know, 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:07.400 And I'm like, you know, babes, babe, do. 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:07.800 You know me? 0:15:08.040 --> 0:15:10.280 Where did they get this rumor from? Because obviously there's 0:15:10.360 --> 0:15:11.640 no smoke without fire. 0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:15.640 I think that people liked to start drama, and I think, like, 0:15:16.000 --> 0:15:18.920 what better drama than like, you know, this girl that's 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:23.760 like living her life in America and at Coachella and 0:15:23.800 --> 0:15:26.360 with all the girls and then her boyfriend's at home. 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:28.400 Like it's such that is fucking juicy. 0:15:29.000 --> 0:15:32.600 But there was I remember when I was I remember 0:15:32.640 --> 0:15:34.520 when I was in America. 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:37.000 I'd only been there for two days. I was working. 0:15:37.040 --> 0:15:39.480 I wasn't even at Coachella yet, I was doing photo shoots. 0:15:39.560 --> 0:15:41.760 I've been there two days. Do you think this girl 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:43.720 has enough time? I was jet lagged. 0:15:43.840 --> 0:15:47.440 Mommy needs to sleep off that jet lag. But I 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:48.360 was literally in a. 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:50.280 Photo shoot, like I was in a hotel room and 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:51.960 a photoshit. They two were. 0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:54.920 Being there and people were already like commenting stuff like 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:57.160 I heard she cheated. I heard this, And I was like, 0:15:57.520 --> 0:15:59.520 at least if say, if someone saw. 0:15:59.280 --> 0:15:59.920 Me at Coachella. 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:01.480 I was talking to a guy, which I didn't even 0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:04.400 talk to any boys there. I watched I watched other people. 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:07.360 I watched my friends talk to boys, and I was like, so, 0:16:07.600 --> 0:16:09.960 like that would have made sense, Like if not made sense, 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:11.680 but that would have been a better story if I 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:12.840 was at Coachella and they're. 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:15.560 Like, yeah, I heard it Coachella, but I wasn't even 0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:17.840 there yet. I was like, babe, I'm fresh off this flight, 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:21.800 I'm at this photo shoot. There's no time. There's no time. 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:24.520 Do you and Josh stay in communication. 0:16:25.400 --> 0:16:29.000 When we first broke up, we did. It was actually 0:16:29.080 --> 0:16:31.560 quite hard because we still had the apartment and we 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:33.320 had like a few more like. 0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:35.160 Maybe five more weeks of our least. 0:16:35.240 --> 0:16:37.520 So I was going in and out of the country 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:41.520 the work and stuff. I think that's what was happening. 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:43.000 And yeah, and then I had a trip plan with 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:45.240 my friends. I can't remember, but so I was going 0:16:45.240 --> 0:16:47.800 in and out. So then each week I was away, 0:16:47.840 --> 0:16:49.600 he would stay in and then we would take turns. 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:51.920 I would stay in Airbnb's in Sydney, and that was 0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:54.800 like the hardest part of it because we just had 0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:57.040 to take turns, and then we would sometimes bump into 0:16:57.040 --> 0:16:59.920 each other, and seeing your ex freshly after you break up. 0:17:00.120 --> 0:17:01.440 The worst idea because there's so. 0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:05.359 Much like heat still and one person might say something 0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:09.280 online that can be like interpreted one way. So it 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:11.680 was not like a good idea. Definitely not a good 0:17:11.680 --> 0:17:13.720 idea to see like bump into each other. 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:16.000 But now, no, we don't speak. 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:22.000 In the breakup post that you actually put up about Josh, 0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:25.040 there was a couple of things that stood out. You said, 0:17:25.040 --> 0:17:29.320 we portrayed a happy, healthy relationship, but there was challenging 0:17:29.359 --> 0:17:31.639 moments that we didn't share. Can you share some of 0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:33.160 those challenging moments with us? 0:17:33.240 --> 0:17:33.440 Now? 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:38.840 Yeah, I think there was times where we would just 0:17:38.960 --> 0:17:44.920 disagree on like certain things that maybe were. 0:17:44.760 --> 0:17:49.680 Like important like to me or important to him. 0:17:49.800 --> 0:17:53.199 And I think as well because we were both you know, 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:56.879 in the industry and in the same roles as well. 0:17:57.000 --> 0:17:59.719