WEBVTT - MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL... 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:02.680 I want the fairy tale, I want the prince charming 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:04.360 she how. 0:00:04.280 --> 0:00:07.000 Do I put this? Isn't a fan of my kissing style? 0:00:08.320 --> 0:00:11.119 Boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's in a 0:00:11.160 --> 0:00:13.760 trash bin. He's non recyclable catching them mu. 0:00:15.200 --> 0:00:17.239 I love being love, I love love. 0:00:17.760 --> 0:00:19.880 On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we are 0:00:19.880 --> 0:00:22.680 looking at mirroring in both dating and relationships. 0:00:22.840 --> 0:00:25.800 It is often said you are the company you keep, 0:00:26.040 --> 0:00:29.800 but why do people change their behavior or language around 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:31.720 people they spend a lot of time with. 0:00:32.240 --> 0:00:34.560 We'll be taking a deeper look into our own relationships 0:00:34.600 --> 0:00:37.120 and friendships to see if we've become the mirror image, 0:00:37.240 --> 0:00:38.920 or in fact, we are the influence. 0:00:39.400 --> 0:00:43.280 Stay tuned to hear if imitation really is the best 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:50.840 form of flattery. Where's Your Head At is a podcast 0:00:50.880 --> 0:00:55.760 that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, 0:00:55.800 --> 0:00:57.040 and everything in between. 0:00:57.320 --> 0:00:59.960 This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:02.320 intimate details, advice, and much more. 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:10.120 Okay, Matt and I have walked straight off of a 0:01:10.160 --> 0:01:13.200 photo shooting into the studio for this podcast, and then 0:01:13.200 --> 0:01:14.920 we stopped off and had a bit of a Maca's 0:01:14.959 --> 0:01:15.920 run on the way here. 0:01:16.560 --> 0:01:18.199 I haven't had macas in so long. 0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:18.959 It's so good. 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:22.560 I know, nice Caesar salad Wrath was unreal, But don't 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:26.000 you think maybe with grease looming in the future now 0:01:26.040 --> 0:01:30.480 you should be Maybe not having macis for the shaming 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:33.399 me Greece summer coming up. I thought maybe you'd be 0:01:33.400 --> 0:01:35.200 doing on a health kick or something. Well. 0:01:35.240 --> 0:01:37.039 I was on an eight week challenge. 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:38.800 I don't know if you remember me telling you this, 0:01:39.000 --> 0:01:41.280 and then I got COVID and it kind of just 0:01:41.360 --> 0:01:43.040 all fell apart at the seams. 0:01:43.080 --> 0:01:46.040 I reckon this was Anna's like eighth tenth at an 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:47.240 eight week challenge. 0:01:47.960 --> 0:01:49.880 I don't do well at them, but you know what, 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:53.200 EF is key. As long as you're trying, that's the 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:53.640 main thing. 0:01:53.760 --> 0:01:56.800 Well, if you do one week eight times, that's an 0:01:56.800 --> 0:02:00.560 eight week challenge, but just spread apart different differ time 0:02:00.640 --> 0:02:03.160 theeriod's Well, does Michael do it as well, because that 0:02:03.200 --> 0:02:05.480 would be definitely handy if you've got your boyfriend Michael 0:02:05.520 --> 0:02:06.400 helping you. Yeah. 0:02:06.440 --> 0:02:09.239 I think Michael is so good at going to the gym. 0:02:09.320 --> 0:02:12.640 He just loves it, not for like his body image essentially, 0:02:12.680 --> 0:02:15.200 but more for his mental health. I think if he 0:02:15.240 --> 0:02:17.920 doesn't go to the gym. He really struggles with his anxiety. 0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:20.399 I'm the exact same. If I don't go Jim that night, 0:02:20.480 --> 0:02:21.880 I feel really unsettled. 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:24.720 Yeah, and I feel unsettled as well, but I never 0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:29.520 remedied it with Jim, And ever since dating Michael, he's 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:31.320 encouraged me to go to the gym with him and 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:33.760 it really has helped my mental health. And I always 0:02:33.760 --> 0:02:35.440 say it. As soon as I go back to the gym, 0:02:35.480 --> 0:02:37.640 I'm like, oh, I feel so good. Why did I 0:02:37.720 --> 0:02:41.000 forget about this? And yeah, I'm jumping on that health 0:02:41.120 --> 0:02:43.600 kick bandwagon as of next week. 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:45.440 All right, well, we will check in with you on 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:48.799 the next episode. So what encouraged this flight to Greece? 0:02:48.960 --> 0:02:50.040 This trip? Should I say? 0:02:50.200 --> 0:02:50.320 So? 0:02:50.440 --> 0:02:53.480 Michael's friends are getting married there. I've never met them, 0:02:53.680 --> 0:02:57.239 but it's his friends from London. So everyone's going to Greece. 0:02:57.280 --> 0:03:02.880 Whereabouts in Greece Zachenthos. I think it's called it looks amazing. 0:03:02.919 --> 0:03:05.240 I'll show you photos later. It's incredible. If you've not 0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:08.880 heard of it, google it. The photos are to die for. 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:11.960 So I'm very excited. We're only going for two weeks 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:15.080 because we have done a few holidays this year, and 0:03:15.160 --> 0:03:18.360 I feel like we need to tighten the pennies. 0:03:18.000 --> 0:03:20.519 A little bit. I'm like, oh, not another. 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:23.400 Holiday, but Greece will be amazing. I can't wait to 0:03:23.440 --> 0:03:27.800 have my first European summer And like, how long since 0:03:28.440 --> 0:03:29.320 way before COVID. 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:31.639 Oh yeah, it's been me now four or five years 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:32.200 since I went. 0:03:32.520 --> 0:03:35.880 Yeah, imagine Yeah, So I mean it's going to be amazing. 0:03:36.080 --> 0:03:40.080 Hopefully we have the best two weeks of our life 0:03:40.120 --> 0:03:41.480 and then we won't have to go on a holiday 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:43.080 for a year, so we can save some money. 0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:45.600 Say that now, but knowing you guys, you'll probably book 0:03:45.600 --> 0:03:47.240 a holiday real quick somewhere. 0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:49.680 Yeah, how's your move with jen going? 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:50.480 We're settled in. 0:03:50.600 --> 0:03:53.480 Everything's unpacked. Our house is getting there. 0:03:53.520 --> 0:03:54.120 Like, there's a. 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:56.800 Couple of stray boxes still, we've put them in the 0:03:56.840 --> 0:03:59.680 back shed. I think we'll forget about their what's in there, 0:04:00.120 --> 0:04:02.680 tenths of them and until we need to. But apart 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:05.920 from that, we're all settled in. Our wardropes will unpacked. 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:08.960 It's actually funny. I was looking out. 0:04:08.840 --> 0:04:11.640 Our wardropes because we had these two huge, gorgeous wardrobes 0:04:11.680 --> 0:04:14.320 next to each other. So it's really good for me obviously, 0:04:14.400 --> 0:04:16.719 I have an abundance of clothes. I need to really 0:04:16.800 --> 0:04:19.160 swap through them again. But I was looking at him 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:21.720 and I was like, you know what, these wardropes are 0:04:21.720 --> 0:04:24.320 starting to look quite similar in a way. I mean, 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:28.680 Jen has a taste for what she says, earthy. 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:30.039 Tones, so youth tone. 0:04:30.160 --> 0:04:30.400 Yeah. 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:32.680 Well, now that I've stood out to me, I noticed 0:04:32.720 --> 0:04:34.200 other people in him and it's very common. 0:04:34.279 --> 0:04:37.880 So you've got the greens, the browns. 0:04:37.360 --> 0:04:40.960 The blues, just colors that I wouldn't normally wear. Anna, 0:04:41.040 --> 0:04:43.880 I'm a very black and white black and whe Yeah. 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:45.920 I was about to say, you in black and white, 0:04:46.040 --> 0:04:46.480 just like. 0:04:46.520 --> 0:04:48.440 It's just what you're Yeah, and look at me now. 0:04:48.440 --> 0:04:51.200 I'm even in light blue denim jeans. I would not 0:04:51.240 --> 0:04:52.600 have owned these unless it was for Gen. 0:04:52.720 --> 0:04:53.440 It's unheard of. 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:58.719 Matt's whole wardrobe has totally changed since he started dating Jen. 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:00.919 And you know what, I I think you look great. 0:05:01.200 --> 0:05:03.240 Yeah, and Jen would as well. She says that I 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:05.520 look really good. You know what, It's all growing on me. 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:06.600 I'm getting used to it. 0:05:07.160 --> 0:05:09.839 I actually got an invite round to Matt's house this 0:05:09.880 --> 0:05:12.719 weekend for the first time. I was patiently waiting for 0:05:12.839 --> 0:05:17.279 him to get everything set up and to eventually invite 0:05:17.279 --> 0:05:20.200 me around. And the invitation has now come and I 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:22.719 get to meet Jen's twin sister, which I'm very excited 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:25.520 about because I feel like that's going to be so 0:05:26.240 --> 0:05:29.600 crazy to meet her because I've only known Jen, and 0:05:29.680 --> 0:05:32.440 you like, I've never known her. I've known she had 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:34.560 a twin, but I've never actually met her twins. So 0:05:34.680 --> 0:05:35.480 it's going to be fun. 0:05:35.520 --> 0:05:37.840 They're quite similar in a way, They're just the same. 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:41.400 Have you ever mistaken them for each other now that 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:42.760 you're living in One time? 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:46.039 I was one time I thought I came up behind 0:05:46.120 --> 0:05:48.479 as I was going to the bathroom. I didn't slap 0:05:48.520 --> 0:05:50.520 any ass. I just was like ooh, And then I 0:05:50.600 --> 0:05:52.919 realized it was I realized it was Nicky, and I 0:05:52.920 --> 0:05:54.680 was like, oh shit, I thought you were Jen because 0:05:54.880 --> 0:05:58.000 in my peripheral vision, Jen had just walked out, but 0:05:58.080 --> 0:06:01.160 LIKENI I hadn't seen NICKI walk in to it, so 0:06:01.240 --> 0:06:04.800 I thought it was Jen. But yeah, that wasn't It 0:06:04.839 --> 0:06:08.680 wasn't nothing lucky. Nothing happened that could have been quite 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:09.279 frowned upon. 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:13.000 That could have been very bad, Yes, very bad. Did 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:14.960 Nicky and Jen dress similarly? 0:06:15.520 --> 0:06:18.159 Yes, quite a lot like they wear probably the exact 0:06:18.200 --> 0:06:21.320 same clothes. So I've even said, Nicky's done a couple 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:24.680 of washings for the house and she's mixed me and 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:28.000 her boyfriend's underwear and clothes together, so we're constantly switching 0:06:28.040 --> 0:06:30.159 like T shirts and that, And I said, I'm not 0:06:30.160 --> 0:06:32.400 a twin let alone a sibling with mirth, so can 0:06:32.440 --> 0:06:34.520 you stop doing it? I don't want to wear his underwear. 0:06:35.120 --> 0:06:38.159 But they all wear earthy tones as well, so it's. 0:06:38.040 --> 0:06:42.560 An earthy household, very earthy, very down to earth. 0:06:42.960 --> 0:06:45.000 Well, look on that note, let's get into. 0:06:44.760 --> 0:06:51.040 Mirroring, Anna, What actually is mirroring? 0:06:51.160 --> 0:06:53.520 Like I've heard this word thrown around a losh, but 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:54.520 what is it really? 0:06:54.720 --> 0:06:59.039 Okay, So, mirroring is matching someone's behavior, whether it's their voice, 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:04.280 there were they're nonverbal cues, things like gestures, movements, and 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:05.279 body posture. 0:07:05.880 --> 0:07:07.400 Do you think you've done this with Michael. 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:11.360 Yeah, there's definitely a big part of me that ends 0:07:11.440 --> 0:07:15.520 up mirroring my partner. I think just like subconsciously, and 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:18.040 mirroring is subconscious, so you don't mean to do it, 0:07:18.080 --> 0:07:20.480 but I guess like when you're around someone a lot, 0:07:20.920 --> 0:07:24.120 you end up kind of not becoming one because I 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:27.240 don't want to say that, but you end up picking 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:30.240 up little habits here and there, and if someone does 0:07:30.280 --> 0:07:32.560 something that you like, you kind of copy it. 0:07:32.760 --> 0:07:34.160 So yeah, what about you? 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:38.320 Yeah? So I know Jen and I when we thought 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:40.040 about this topic out of conversation with her, and I 0:07:40.080 --> 0:07:42.320 was like, oh, what have we done? That's like mirroring 0:07:42.400 --> 0:07:45.360 each other a lot of sayings. Jen now will say 0:07:45.480 --> 0:07:48.720 that I say, like I'll ask her or something we 0:07:48.760 --> 0:07:50.440 get thrown around and she says what I say all 0:07:50.480 --> 0:07:52.680 the time. She goes that, you know as POWs, that's 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:55.120 not my bag, baby, I'll say that if it's something 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:59.080 that's like not me. So she says that. Now, I mean, 0:07:59.160 --> 0:08:02.200 does it even go as far as like what you eat? 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:04.840 Because I've now changed my diet a lot with her. 0:08:04.920 --> 0:08:08.280 What Yeah, so she's a vegetarian, So I've now started 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:10.840 to eat subconsciously because I'm with her a lot more 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:15.280 vegetable options than before. So you're vegio Now I wouldn't 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:18.040 say veggio, but like, yeah, I would go for a 0:08:18.080 --> 0:08:20.040 vegeo option because obviously she cooks a lot more than 0:08:20.080 --> 0:08:22.720 I do, so I'll eat vegetarian with her. I've even 0:08:22.760 --> 0:08:26.040 copied her with soy milk in my coffees if you didn't. 0:08:25.880 --> 0:08:29.320 Notice that, Actually, I've coffeed Michael with oat milk. I've 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:31.720 never drunk oat milk before in my life, but it's 0:08:31.760 --> 0:08:33.600 such a thing for him. And then I used to 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:36.160 have SIPs of his coffee and I all of a 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:37.120 sudden drink oat. Now. 0:08:37.240 --> 0:08:39.480 Yeah, Jen's even up to her coffee intake the same 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:41.559 as many as I do. Because you're around someone, you're 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:43.280 gonna go. They're gonna go get a coffee. You're going 0:08:43.360 --> 0:08:44.880 to get a coffee with them. You're gonna get you 0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:45.400 know what I mean. 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:48.480 Yeah, it kind of creates a feeling of comfortability because 0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:51.000 I guess we are designed to be attracted to people 0:08:51.080 --> 0:08:58.160 who are like us. We are living in this society 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:04.080 map where we have Instagram, we have TikTok. Copycatting and 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:08.440 mirroring is so common. They are different. So I think 0:09:08.559 --> 0:09:14.240 copying someone is conscious and mirroring is actually subconscious. But 0:09:14.280 --> 0:09:17.880 like think about TikTok. Something goes viral and then everyone 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:18.559 jumps on the. 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:21.520 Trend, So that's copying. Do you think people mirror the 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:23.280 Kardashians or is that copying them? 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:27.319 Look, I think that the Kardashians. We love the Kardashians, 0:09:27.360 --> 0:09:27.960 we do, don't. 0:09:28.200 --> 0:09:31.600 They are icons, and I think over the years people 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:35.439 have definitely copied them. Probably there has been some mirroring 0:09:35.480 --> 0:09:39.720 where subconsciously people might see their instagrams or see their 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:43.600 show and copy like words. I know, like a lot 0:09:43.640 --> 0:09:46.360 of people use the word Bible, which they as in 0:09:46.440 --> 0:09:48.520 like when people say swear to God, instead of saying 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:52.240 swear to God, they say Bible. There's so many Kardashian 0:09:52.520 --> 0:09:54.640 things that have been picked up throughout the years. I 0:09:54.679 --> 0:09:56.720 would say it's more of a copycat thing, but there's 0:09:56.760 --> 0:10:00.319 definitely an element of mirroring in there. And like, look, 0:10:00.760 --> 0:10:04.760 we live in a society where influencers are so huge, 0:10:04.880 --> 0:10:07.319 and the whole point of an influencer is what. 0:10:07.400 --> 0:10:09.480 Matt to influence people. I mean, I was about to 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:13.120 say that a lot of content and photos and you'd 0:10:13.160 --> 0:10:15.800 know it as being a model, and there's inspo picks, 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:18.480 So when you rock to shoot, you have inspo picks. 0:10:18.559 --> 0:10:20.559 I know it sounds brutal, but none of these photos 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:21.480 are quite original. 0:10:21.600 --> 0:10:24.120 It's not like you're trying to be a copycat of someone. 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:28.000 If you see something that you resonate with, or you 0:10:28.280 --> 0:10:32.080 like you could subconsciously mirror that and the necklace that 0:10:32.120 --> 0:10:35.760 you got me, even the little m from Sarah and Sebastian. 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:36.640 Because I get. 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:40.400 Asked so much where this necklace is from. So many 0:10:40.480 --> 0:10:45.040 people ended up going online and finding like copies of 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:47.840 this necklace, and then I was doing a Q and 0:10:47.920 --> 0:10:49.840 A and said it was from Sarah and Sebastian, and 0:10:49.880 --> 0:10:52.000 then there were so many people who messaged me being like, 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:54.480 oh my god, I wish I knew this earlier. I've 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:58.120 gone out and bought one from this brand or another brand, 0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:01.160 a similar one, but not quite this. I mean, we 0:11:01.320 --> 0:11:04.520 all do it, so there's definitely nothing wrong with mirroring. 0:11:04.559 --> 0:11:07.120 I think it's totally natural and it's I think it's 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:10.720 about getting in and getting ideas and taking all of 0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:15.319 that information and making your own. Has Jen given you 0:11:15.640 --> 0:11:17.120 any new sayings? 0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:19.560 Oh? I don't actually think Jen has. I'm more of 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:21.160 the person that comes up with the sayings. 0:11:21.200 --> 0:11:22.000 The other influence. 0:11:22.160 --> 0:11:23.840 Yeah, I think I'm the influence with sayings. 0:11:23.880 --> 0:11:25.920 Okay, so she hasn't taught you any sayings, but she 0:11:26.000 --> 0:11:30.040 obviously has some sort of influence over you being your girlfriend. 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:32.760 Do you think it's a good influence or a bad influence. 0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:34.080 I mean, you're not gonna say. 0:11:33.920 --> 0:11:37.520 Bad, but I have been in a relationship where they 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:38.920 have been a bad influence on me. 0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:40.040 You've said this. 0:11:40.120 --> 0:11:41.840 I came out of that relationship a little bit more 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:43.800 arrying and a little bit more cocky, but than I 0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:44.480 should have been. 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:45.880 I had to whip you into line. 0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:48.000 Yeah, I definitely had to pull my head in. I 0:11:48.040 --> 0:11:51.760 think though, with relationships, what I am a big sucker 0:11:51.800 --> 0:11:54.480 for or I'm very submissive is probably the word. And 0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:57.680 like I like to mirror is fashion when it comes 0:11:57.720 --> 0:11:59.720 to like dressing, and that I touched on it before 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:02.880 we jen My wardrobe is very much like hers. 0:12:03.000 --> 0:12:03.400 I don't know. 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:06.960 For some reason, my fashion I don't really not care about, 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:08.760 but I like let a lot of people have an 0:12:08.760 --> 0:12:11.280 opinion over. So one of my ex she was really 0:12:11.280 --> 0:12:13.440 into tight eye, So fucking out of nowhere, I'm wearing 0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:14.560 a bunch of tight eye. 0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:16.840 My mates are messaging me like what the fuck's going on? 0:12:16.880 --> 0:12:18.680 You don't wear a tight eye, and I'm like yeah, 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:22.959 but like you know, my girlfriend, it was like, Okay, 0:12:23.120 --> 0:12:24.199 this is cool, this is what's in. 0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:27.360 I mean, that was Lockdown twenty twenty everyone was in tired. 0:12:27.400 --> 0:12:29.360 I yeah, a lot of people. 0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:31.280 Yeah, I mean not a lot of blokes for it, 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:32.920 or I would not have worn it if I don't 0:12:32.960 --> 0:12:34.400 think I was with my ex at the time. 0:12:34.520 --> 0:12:34.880 Yeah. 0:12:35.040 --> 0:12:35.240 Yeah. 0:12:35.320 --> 0:12:38.760 Do you think that you influenced in that way? I 0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:40.640 know that you've influenced one of your exes on how 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:44.679 to dress. You want to touch on that, I was 0:12:44.720 --> 0:12:47.040 with him and his brother, and his brother brought up 0:12:47.120 --> 0:12:49.760 that he was influenced by you on how he dressed. 0:12:49.800 --> 0:12:52.200 Let me say he just said. 0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:54.520 That when you were with Anna, she had an opinion 0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:58.160 on what you wear. Josh admitted that he was lost 0:12:58.160 --> 0:13:00.480 in the way he was dressing anyway, he didn't feel comfortable, 0:13:00.520 --> 0:13:03.280 and then you just brought him to how he felt comfortable. 0:13:03.320 --> 0:13:05.360 Well, I mean he would ask my opinion and he'd 0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:07.240 be like, is this cool? And I'd be like, that's 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:10.200 not cool, that is cool. Like, you know, I know 0:13:10.559 --> 0:13:12.840 how I like to dress. I always have, and I 0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:16.160 think if someone wants my opinion on how they should dress, 0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:18.760 I'm more than happy to give it. And like as well, 0:13:18.800 --> 0:13:21.520 like if someone's wearing something that you don't think matches 0:13:21.800 --> 0:13:25.800 or is not really your style, you tell them right. 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:26.600 Yeah, definitely. 0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:28.400 I mean I would be brave enough to tell my 0:13:28.440 --> 0:13:31.800 girlfriend to wear Yeah, I don't think. 0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:35.520 Well, look, when me and Michael first met, he basically 0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:37.120 moved into my house very quickly. 0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:38.560 He was staying at my house. 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:43.400 He was squatting, for sure, and he was staying at 0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:46.080 my house like five six times a week, and so 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:48.360 he would come over and stay over, and then he'd 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:51.160 have nothing to wear in the morning. So he started 0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:54.400 wearing my clothes like I have a whole box of trackies. 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:58.319 I have like so many jumpers and they're all oversized. 0:13:58.679 --> 0:13:59.880 He literally would. 0:13:59.720 --> 0:14:01.920 Rock my clothes and it got to a point where 0:14:01.920 --> 0:14:05.959 he was like, I look better in your clothes in 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:09.960 my clothes. So I'm literally not gonna wear my clothes. 0:14:10.240 --> 0:14:12.840 And then me and Michael started sharing a wardrobe. I 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:17.120 was like, dude, I've got no clothes, and honestly, he 0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:19.160 has claimed some of my clothes. 0:14:18.880 --> 0:14:22.000 Like I've noticed that, but at least Michael's wearing your clothes. 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:24.280 I mean, I've been in relationships where I was wearing 0:14:24.320 --> 0:14:26.080 their ex's clothes the next day. 0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:27.960 No, you have it, did you? 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:30.600 I still have one of the jumpers, And I remember 0:14:30.680 --> 0:14:32.320 Jen was like Oh, that's a nice jumper, and I'm like, yeah, 0:14:32.320 --> 0:14:37.360 it's Jard Woodgate's dad's jumper. Dead. 0:14:38.440 --> 0:14:40.600 I was like, he probably wants it back. 0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:44.440 He's probably going to hear this and he's troubly going 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:53.840 to be like, you need to express posts immediately. Look, Matt, 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:56.280 there's lots of different ways that you can mirror people, 0:14:56.480 --> 0:15:00.000 whether it's your friends, your family, or anyone in between. 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:00.320 Queen. 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:02.520 Some of the things that you do to mirror someone 0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:06.000 is sharing mannerisms, whether you're picking up theirs or they're 0:15:06.040 --> 0:15:06.960 picking up yours. 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:09.480 Like we said before, it could be your diet. I mean, 0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:11.600 you could change the way you eat, how much you eat, 0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:13.680 what you're eating, just to fit in with your partner. 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:17.160 Are you sounding the same are you using the same sayings? 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:19.920 Do you both engage in baby talk? I think that 0:15:19.960 --> 0:15:21.320 one's a bit more partner based. 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:22.800 Do you guys engage in baby talk? 0:15:24.040 --> 0:15:25.800 Yes, so we have known too, do you guys? 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:30.000 Yes. I'm actually so embarrassed. 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:33.760 We're talking about so many like hectic topics on this podcast, 0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:37.880 but I'm embarrassed to admit that me and Michael baby talk. 0:15:38.040 --> 0:15:41.120 Yeah, Jenn and I do as well. It's not often, 0:15:41.240 --> 0:15:42.800 but when we do, it's pretty funny. 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:45.680 I wouldn't do it if anyone else was there, like 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:48.760 under no circumstances. But it's literally when we're in the 0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:51.680 house alone, like there was a Hitten camera in the house, 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:52.800 it would be mortified. 0:15:52.880 --> 0:15:54.800 I think a lot of couples are the same as that. 0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:57.520 You've created your own language field with your own inside 0:15:57.600 --> 0:16:01.920 jokes and references. Do you have inside jokes with Michael Eilishly, 0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:04.400 Jen and I have one dating back to literally the 0:16:04.440 --> 0:16:05.880 first morning we woke up together. 0:16:06.200 --> 0:16:09.440 Yeah, your music taste can be the same. You might 0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:12.320 start to like the same artists mm hmm. 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:14.480 Or your sense of style has changed to suit theirs 0:16:14.560 --> 0:16:16.480 or suit each other's, like we've touched on that's really 0:16:16.480 --> 0:16:16.920 big for me. 0:16:17.280 --> 0:16:21.640 Yeah. Okay, these are all the positive mirroring signs. But 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:25.760 what happens when mirroring becomes negative? We're going to be 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:34.400 talking about that next. So what about the negative side 0:16:34.560 --> 0:16:38.160 of mirroring in relationships? When your partner is mimicking the 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:42.360 way you show affection, empathy, or even emotion, This could 0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:45.960 be an effort to improve your relationship or exhibit a 0:16:46.040 --> 0:16:49.440 perceived connection and would make it seem like they are 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:51.960 more invested than they truly are. 0:16:52.280 --> 0:16:53.800 Wow, that seems intense. 0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:57.080 I was thinking back, Matt, and I reckon that every 0:16:57.080 --> 0:17:01.120 toxic relationship that I've ever been in had a lot 0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:04.520 of signs of mirroring and mirroring in like not a 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:08.120 healthy way. So, for instance, I remember with an ex 0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:11.280 boyfriend of mine, if I ever had an issue with him, 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:13.359 and I would bring it to the table and I 0:17:13.359 --> 0:17:15.480 would say to him like, Hey, I want to talk 0:17:15.520 --> 0:17:17.920 to you about this. I'm not really happy about this. 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:22.119 Instead of holding space for me and acknowledging what I 0:17:22.160 --> 0:17:26.199 had said, he would just totally dismiss it. And then 0:17:26.359 --> 0:17:29.159 his response would be, well, I'm glad you brought that 0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:31.600 up because I also have that issue. Or if he 0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:34.360 didn't have that same issue, he would be like, I'm 0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:36.919 really glad you've brought up this problem with me because 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:39.600 I have a problem with you about this, and then 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:42.119 would bring up a new issue. And so I feel like, 0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:45.160 for me, that was very toxic mirroring. 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:47.320 That's pretty bad. Like he got out of that. I 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:49.800 can kind of relate to the same thing. Whenever I 0:17:49.800 --> 0:17:53.120 would feel any sort of emotion with one of my exes, 0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:56.199 they would then mimic the same emotion, So if I 0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:58.760 was feeling anxious, they had to be more anxious than 0:17:58.800 --> 0:17:59.120 I did. 0:17:59.200 --> 0:18:01.480 Or like I was feeling sad all of a sudden, they. 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:05.640 Not even like a empathetic way. Yeah, an empathetic way 0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:07.600 like where they're understanding. It was more like they've got 0:18:07.600 --> 0:18:08.920 their own problem now as well. 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:10.639 I can't deal with it. 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:12.720 But yeah, and I'm like, just let me have my 0:18:12.880 --> 0:18:14.560