Speaker 1: I can't go on the sauna because I'm pregnant, and I.
Speaker 2: Can can't go on the sauna if you're pregnant, Matt,
Speaker 2: Thank god, I'm never getting pregnant.
Speaker 1: Where's Your Head At?
Speaker 3: Is a podcast that talks full things right, Hold on
Speaker 3: a sec, let's give this a refresh.
Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Anna and.
Speaker 2: I'm Matt, and we are now too newlywed not to
Speaker 2: each other. Just a female and male best friend here
Speaker 2: for the good, the bad, and the ugly times and.
Speaker 3: Exploring adulthood, family relationships, dilemmas.
Speaker 2: And whatever else we have the mental capacity to deal with.
Speaker 1: Come get the lowdown.
Speaker 2: This is your male and female perspective.
Speaker 1: So, Matt, where's your head At?
Speaker 2: Morning? Anna?
Speaker 1: Good morning? How are you today?
Speaker 2: What the best? Well? I'm good, but I burnt my tongue.
Speaker 2: You know when you're burn your tongue. I took a
Speaker 2: sip of my green tea on the way in. I
Speaker 2: normally top it up with a little bit of cold water,
Speaker 2: but I don't know. I was feeling ambitious today and
Speaker 2: it was still hot. By the time I got to
Speaker 2: the studio, it was still boiling hot. It took a
Speaker 2: sip and it burned.
Speaker 1: My tiping hard.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love my herbal teas though, you know me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm getting back on the herbal teas now. I've
Speaker 3: actually just come from the hospital straight to the Novas
Speaker 3: studios to record this thank you. I would like around
Speaker 3: or clause.
Speaker 2: She does it for everyone, she does it for you.
Speaker 3: So long story short, I have been really low in
Speaker 3: iron and my ob gave me two weeks to get
Speaker 3: it up. I was taking supplements and they just weren't
Speaker 3: agreeing with me.
Speaker 2: And did you eat?
Speaker 1: I ate a lot of steak.
Speaker 3: So the supplements didn't work. They were making me feel nauseous.
Speaker 3: So I was like, Okay, I'm gonna get all of
Speaker 3: my iron from food.
Speaker 1: So I was eating.
Speaker 3: Spinach, steak, beef, pork, everything, and yeah, it still went down.
Speaker 3: So this morning I went into the hospital and had
Speaker 3: an iron transfusion. I was completely fine about it.
Speaker 2: So iron transfusion, Yes, what does that look like? Are
Speaker 2: they sticking iron into your veins?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: So basically what they do is they put a drip
Speaker 3: into my hand with just salt water because they have
Speaker 3: to get the vein right because this iron, which I
Speaker 3: didn't know any of this until this morning, So I
Speaker 3: had a little anxiety attack when they told me this.
Speaker 3: So they put the needle into the hand and then
Speaker 3: they put salty water through your veins to make sure
Speaker 3: it's actually getting into the veins and not going into
Speaker 3: the skin. If this needle goes into the skin, it
Speaker 3: causes permanent skin stating. Permanent so it's like a tattoo.
Speaker 3: You can look it up on Google. I didn't look
Speaker 3: it up at the time, and I was like, how
Speaker 3: permanent is this? Like I'm like, could I get laser
Speaker 3: tattoo removal on it if it's a tattoo? And they're like, yeah,
Speaker 3: like you could do that, but it's it's like a tattoo,
Speaker 3: it's like permanent. So I started kind of freaking out.
Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god, not because of the
Speaker 3: iron transition, because I didn't want to have a permanent
Speaker 3: tattoo on my hand. And you know how big I
Speaker 3: am with not having bad faked tan on my hands,
Speaker 3: Like I'd always like them my hands to look like
Speaker 3: you would never see me with like orange knuckles or
Speaker 3: like bad.
Speaker 2: I do find that quite ikey, Yeah, that's a.
Speaker 3: Nick an it is it's one of my eggs. Like
Speaker 3: if t is not it and sometimes look as someone
Speaker 3: who is a tanner. It is hard to be one
Speaker 3: hundred percent all the time. I looking good, But there's
Speaker 3: tricks I used to can do when you used to
Speaker 3: turn these tann every day.
Speaker 2: Wow. No, but I used to do the full body
Speaker 2: loose ones when I had wrestle, so i'd come up tanned.
Speaker 2: One of my exes said, you do that with your knuckles. Yeah,
Speaker 2: rub the midst of my knuckle was like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't mit tan though, because it can look a bit.
Speaker 2: Gloves. She used to like latex gloves. Yeah, yes, never
Speaker 2: to face either.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no goldie beer. Anyway, after I had it down
Speaker 3: this morning, I looked up what it would look like
Speaker 3: if you got the iron staining on your hands, and
Speaker 3: it literally, I could you know. It just looks like
Speaker 3: bad fake tan hands. And I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: that is literally. If I would have seen that before,
Speaker 3: I would have said.
Speaker 1: Don't worry about it. I'm not doing it.
Speaker 2: What is the eye? Is it in someone's blood? You
Speaker 2: didn't make me think it was in someone's blood. They
Speaker 2: give you a blood transfusion.
Speaker 3: I thought it was a blood transfusion, but it's actually not.
Speaker 3: So they have this like dark purple. It does look
Speaker 3: like blood, but it's not. It's like a dark, purply
Speaker 3: red bag of medicine.
Speaker 1: And yeah, they just.
Speaker 3: I guess put it through intravenously, so through the drip
Speaker 3: plus five hundred dollars. I do have private health insurance
Speaker 3: as well, so I don't know what that covered, but
Speaker 3: I had a five hundred dollars excess. And I actually
Speaker 3: so the reason why you get it is because when
Speaker 3: you're pregnant, the baby just takes so much of it sacrifice,
Speaker 3: the sacrifice, it takes all of them. He takes all
Speaker 3: of my good stuff, all of my nutrients. So I've
Speaker 3: just got so low and I'm so exhausted, like so tired,
Speaker 3: and I have so much going on at the moment
Speaker 3: that I just don't have time well hopefully to be
Speaker 3: exhausted back.
Speaker 2: When do they reckon it starts to kick in.
Speaker 1: Well that's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 3: I literally thought I was going to be hop skipping
Speaker 3: and jumping out of there with like the most energy.
Speaker 2: But apparently process it, your body would have to break
Speaker 2: it down.
Speaker 3: Well, some of us aren't that smart. Mat Apparently it
Speaker 3: takes two weeks.
Speaker 2: Well, you can going straight into your veins that it
Speaker 2: would hit it like, not two weeks, it would be
Speaker 2: like a couple of days.
Speaker 1: Apparently two weeks.
Speaker 2: If you jog or anything and you go on the sauna,
Speaker 2: get your blood flowing, would help it.
Speaker 1: I can't go on the sauna because I'm pregnant, and I.
Speaker 2: Can't go on the sauna if you're pregnant. Thank god,
Speaker 2: I'm never getting pregnant.
Speaker 1: It's like your one true love this song.
Speaker 2: Did you fill in the form that, like in that
Speaker 2: sense where you have to answer the questions? It was
Speaker 2: like something you can't live without. What do you say
Speaker 2: for star? Star sign?
Speaker 1: My star sign?
Speaker 2: Taurist I said, superstar?
Speaker 1: Oh my god?
Speaker 2: Did you get that?
Speaker 1: The dad jokes are coming in hard and far?
Speaker 2: It was pretty all right? Well Anna, yes, have you
Speaker 2: heard about the IKEA Challenge?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Okay, So it's apparently it's a test for relationships. You know,
Speaker 2: we like to bring up theories on this podcast. I
Speaker 2: actually saw it in episode of thirty Rock I've been
Speaker 2: watching that I've mentioned. It's a show that Tina Fey wrote.
Speaker 2: She stars co stars alongside Alec Baldwin. Right, and it's
Speaker 2: They've got a show on NBC so it's she's written
Speaker 2: it from her time writing on SNL and it's sort
Speaker 2: of like mimic out. They have like a live show
Speaker 2: and it's just like all the drama that comes with it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but she has a partner on there who's actually played
Speaker 2: by we're talking about this before the James Madison, who's
Speaker 2: the main guy on Hairspray. They go to Ikia and
Speaker 2: they're like, will our relationship survive a trip to a Kia?
Speaker 2: So apparently if you go to Ikea with partner, have
Speaker 2: you been with Michael? Yes, how'd you go?
Speaker 1: We love it? I love Ikia.
Speaker 2: Well, then you're gonna you're gonna survive the test of time. Apparently,
Speaker 2: when a relationship goes there, it puts you onder turmoil
Speaker 2: because you can't decide what you want what you get.
Speaker 2: It's all like intense, like you know, you're walking around
Speaker 2: looking at different stuff, like you might realize that you
Speaker 2: like this design or something they like something else, and
Speaker 2: you know how it's just amazed and you can't get
Speaker 2: out anyway and you've got to go through the whole thing.
Speaker 1: You're making it sound really anxious, but that's not how
Speaker 1: I view it like that.
Speaker 3: I like literally, if we're going to Ikea, I'm excited.
Speaker 1: I'm like, we're.
Speaker 3: Going on a road trip to Ikea. We get there,
Speaker 3: we spend like an hour or so just browsing, looking around,
Speaker 3: having fun. Then I'm heading to the meatball section.
Speaker 2: Meat poles get me every time. I'd love it. Let's
Speaker 2: not get onto the meatballs because I'm starving as it is, and.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 3: Like, I'd love to go to Ikea right now, get
Speaker 3: the Nash meatballs Cranberry Source Delicious.
Speaker 2: Well, I've never been to Ikea with Tammy. I've been
Speaker 2: with X's before.
Speaker 1: Yeah, did you have fights?
Speaker 2: I with that far now? We thought a lot. I
Speaker 2: don't remember an actual fight about anythink we probably did.
Speaker 2: I reckon.
Speaker 1: I mean, when you're always fighting, it's hard to really
Speaker 1: pinpoint like.
Speaker 2: What the actual argument was about. Yeah, but then they say,
Speaker 2: if you survive Ikea, say you decide and you go
Speaker 2: through Ikea and you decide what you want the furniture.
Speaker 2: The second test comes when you bring that flat pack home.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's where I would have the issues, right the issue?
Speaker 2: But are you a flat packer?
Speaker 3: No, I'm an air what is it called air tasker
Speaker 3: type of gal and I've only learned that through mistakes
Speaker 3: of trying with Michael to do flat packs.
Speaker 2: You didn't have about Jermin argument about is Michael Michael handyman?
Speaker 3: You know what, Once upon a time I feel so bad.
Speaker 3: Once upon a time I did stay to him, you're
Speaker 3: not that handy, And those were my dying words.
Speaker 1: Because he has improved himself ever since. He's pretty handy.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 2: I am not a handy man. I never claimed to be,
Speaker 2: and I never will try and prove myself to be one.
Speaker 1: But you do have the air task.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do have the air task. Tammy said to me,
Speaker 2: You're not handy at all, and I said, no, I'm
Speaker 2: fucking not. Like I don't want to be. I don't
Speaker 2: try and reverse psy colleage me. Don't bake me. I'm
Speaker 2: not a handy man. I don't want to be. I've
Speaker 2: put together a flat pack one time at one of
Speaker 2: my houses, and I screwed in final thing to do.
Speaker 2: You got pressed down on it, you go probably pressed
Speaker 2: down on a hard set. I pressed down on carpets,
Speaker 2: so as I pressed down sort of moved so the
Speaker 2: whole time a bedside table would move because it broke
Speaker 2: the thing in there so that one was straight, and
Speaker 2: when I moved out of that house, I'm not in it.
Speaker 2: I am not a handyman, never claimed to be, never
Speaker 2: will be.
Speaker 3: Do you know what the funniest thing about people trying
Speaker 3: to do a flat pack is when they get the
Speaker 3: instructions and they say two things. The first thing they'll
Speaker 3: say is there's a piece missing, and the second thing
Speaker 3: they'll say is these instructions aren't right.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, here we go.
Speaker 2: You have an extra screw or something at the end,
Speaker 2: and You're like, where does this go? They don't give
Speaker 2: you spares.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't give you ses.
Speaker 2: I once I remember it was with the next and
Speaker 2: we went to IK and came back and I put
Speaker 2: up a photo of her putting together the flat pack,
Speaker 2: and I was watching the wrestling in the background.
Speaker 1: What you let her put it up?
Speaker 2: I'm not a handyman. I don't claim to do it.
Speaker 2: She didn't want to get a task, she wanted to
Speaker 2: do it herself. I'm not going to argue with anything.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to lend a hand.
Speaker 2: I held stuff for I handed her the screwdriver. I
Speaker 2: don't claim to IoT.
Speaker 3: You're watching the wrestling, so I didn't think you were
Speaker 3: handing stuff.
Speaker 2: She asked HI for something, I would give her something
Speaker 2: I got fucking rinsed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm never looking like doing that.
Speaker 2: Like I don't. I don't want to do it. I
Speaker 2: don't claim to want to do it. I don't admit it.
Speaker 2: But that's it. So if anyone has gone.
Speaker 3: To it, it's so funny, Like there's two types of people.
Speaker 1: Like there's you.
Speaker 3: Someone just would say you're not a handy man, and
Speaker 3: you go, that's exactly right, I'm not and you just
Speaker 3: put zero effort into every try. And then there's Michael
Speaker 3: and I said it once and he's like trying to
Speaker 3: prove himself ever since.
Speaker 2: Have you have you heard of the expression weaponizing incompetency.
Speaker 1: I haven't heard of that expression.
Speaker 2: That's very toxic.
Speaker 1: Okay, we'll explain it to us.
Speaker 2: Weaponizing incompetency means where it's.
Speaker 1: Say a partner is shit at something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's when a partner or a friend, a housemate,
Speaker 2: someone asks you to do something and you do it terribly,
Speaker 2: so they never ask you to do it again.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've seen stuff that men do this with cooking.
Speaker 2: I'm just bad at cooking.
Speaker 1: I'm not you're also doing that.
Speaker 2: No, I don't weaponizing competition. I think something that would
Speaker 2: be like weaponizing comp tea would be like they asked
Speaker 2: you to make a cup of tea and I did.
Speaker 2: I would make when I lived at home, when I
Speaker 2: was like a teenager, if I was to make someone
Speaker 2: a cup of tea, or when i'd stay at my mum's,
Speaker 2: I would make them bad on purpose for everyone because
Speaker 2: I didn't want to do it. And you're admitting, say,
Speaker 2: I make a terrible cup of tea and also not
Speaker 2: even on purpose.
Speaker 1: It's so mean, not even on.
Speaker 2: Purpose, sometimes with a cup of tea as well, coming
Speaker 2: from a household that drinks a lot of cup of tea.
Speaker 2: I don't like judging people's milk like milk rasio, milk ratio.
Speaker 2: I think that's a thing that you need to do yourself.
Speaker 3: I think that you should say what do you want
Speaker 3: your milk ratio to be?
Speaker 1: Like do you want it?
Speaker 2: Or even better, give them a saucer with milk and
Speaker 2: they can pour it in.
Speaker 3: It's well, I mean, if you want to be bougie,
Speaker 3: I can't believe you just admitted to making people bad
Speaker 3: cups of tea.
Speaker 1: That is so toxic. It's so mean.
Speaker 3: I also do think like how you go like, oh,
Speaker 3: I can't cook. I think that is such a cop out.
Speaker 3: Like you're almost thirty. You can put a pan on
Speaker 3: a stove, put oil in salt, a piece of steak.
Speaker 2: I do that.
Speaker 1: Okay, well you can care. You can do that.
Speaker 2: But I'm just saying I'm not going to put together.
Speaker 3: You could put together a few meals by twenty nine
Speaker 3: years of age, yeah, I could.
Speaker 2: I could cook a past I really wanted to do.
Speaker 2: I want to cook.
Speaker 3: Okay, So there's a difference between because you said you
Speaker 3: can't cook, there's a difference between I can't cook and
Speaker 3: I don't want to cook. I think it's like laziness
Speaker 3: rather than an incomfidence.
Speaker 2: How easy is it to throw just to shit, like
Speaker 2: a food microwavable food in the microwave.
Speaker 1: It's just not fresh, fresh ingredients. Mat you should know.
Speaker 2: I love a steak.
Speaker 1: Fresh ingredients over microwaveable.
Speaker 2: I'd like to ask everyone on our socials if they
Speaker 2: have done that Ikea challenge or they unwillingly did the
Speaker 2: Ikea challenge and they went to Ikea with their partner
Speaker 2: and they realized that that wasn't the one for them.
Speaker 3: And you know the thing is, some things you don't
Speaker 3: actually need to build ika. You can get some plants,
Speaker 3: you can get some cutlery, you can get some plates.
Speaker 2: Yes, but they might not agree on the plates and
Speaker 2: the patterns that you want. The plants.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, yeah sure. If anything, this Ikea challenge
Speaker 3: has just made me want to go to Ikea even more.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd love a meatball.
Speaker 3: I'd love some meatballs and mashed potato. Okay, Matt. Today
Speaker 3: we are talking about supporting your friends during hard times.
Speaker 3: I've had a few friends recently that have been going
Speaker 3: through some things. There was a death in a family
Speaker 3: is common, but it's also extremely sad, Like.
Speaker 2: I have a friend that goes through it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and like I think it's it's quite like when
Speaker 3: it's an immediate family member, it's really hard to navigate,
Speaker 3: like what do I do? Like do I send them flowers?
Speaker 3: Or how can I be there to support them? And
Speaker 3: I think, especially at this age, you know, I'm thirty two,
Speaker 3: now you're twenty nine, we don't see our friends as much.
Speaker 3: You obviously live into stay all of these things. And
Speaker 3: we've spoken and done episodes on how in your thirties,
Speaker 3: like you can sometimes not grow apart from your friends,
Speaker 3: but you need to really like make time to see them.
Speaker 3: And I think when there is a situation where friends
Speaker 3: need support, I think it is really important to step
Speaker 3: up and to be there for your friends and to
Speaker 3: be there as a support blanket and to you know,
Speaker 3: show up for them and send them messages and make
Speaker 3: sure that they don't feel alone, especially in this time,
Speaker 3: in this era of our lives that we're in. I've
Speaker 3: also had friends recently who've had miscarriages, which has been
Speaker 3: really ever stating. And it's actually one of my friend's
Speaker 3: weddings this week, and I know that this isn't on
Speaker 3: the same level, but apparently it's going to be raining
Speaker 3: at her wedding, and as someone who's had a wedding
Speaker 3: like that is pretty devastating.
Speaker 2: Week before my wedding, it was going to rain. And
Speaker 2: apparently in old wives tell as you go the night
Speaker 2: before to the venue and you bury sausages, we're all sausages.
Speaker 1: Stuff that I've never heard that before.
Speaker 2: Apparently did you do that? No, we didn't. In the end,
Speaker 2: we can forget. When we were at the shops, but
Speaker 2: Tammy was talking about doing that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so funny.
Speaker 2: Can go a snaging bread?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think you're making me hungry by talking
Speaker 1: about food so much.
Speaker 3: And I think, look, when it comes to supporting your friends,
Speaker 3: there's obviously different degrees of people needing support. Like you
Speaker 3: know a friend who is dealing with a boss that's
Speaker 3: really difficult, you know, whatever the scenario it might be.
Speaker 3: I think it's good to support your friends. So we
Speaker 3: have a list of things that you guys can do
Speaker 3: when friends are going through hard times, whether that be
Speaker 3: a death, whether that be something that maybe to you
Speaker 3: isn't a big deal but to them is.
Speaker 1: So let's get into.
Speaker 2: It, Okay. So the first one is be there for
Speaker 2: them emotionally, so actively listen to them.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So a study of fourteen hundred participants actually found that
Speaker 3: social support was found to reduce the risk of depression
Speaker 3: by fifty percent.
Speaker 2: I agree.
Speaker 3: So, particularly friends providing that type of emotional support. So
Speaker 3: that's that's some big numbers there.
Speaker 2: Imagine not leaning on a friend for emotional support and
Speaker 2: social support when you're going through a tough time.
Speaker 1: That it just it makes your life so much easier,
Speaker 1: and it just.
Speaker 2: Really feeling isolated and you couldn't talk to it.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I think sometimes as well, people.
Speaker 3: Get it in their heads that they don't want to
Speaker 3: burden other people with their problems, or they want to
Speaker 3: keep it in because they don't want people to know,
Speaker 3: because sometimes people want to look like they have a
Speaker 3: picture of perfect life and they don't want to show
Speaker 3: any level of weakness.
Speaker 1: But I really do think there's power. There's power in
Speaker 1: doing it.
Speaker 3: And I think talking out things that are kind of
Speaker 3: going over and over in your head is really powerful
Speaker 3: and it can kind of help you collate those thoughts
Speaker 3: and understand what you're actually thinking and how you're actually feeling,
Speaker 3: and getting some advice as well and taking that on board.
Speaker 2: What about offering practical help anna, so like giving them
Speaker 2: solutions to the problem.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think just being proactive as a friend, so,
Speaker 3: you know, sending people messages saying let me know if
Speaker 3: you need anything, always hear if you need to talk,
Speaker 3: I'm only a phone call away, things like that. So
Speaker 3: people do feel like they aren't alone, Well.
Speaker 2: I've heard that women don't sometimes when they come to
Speaker 2: like their partners or their boyfriends or their like their
Speaker 2: husbands with problems, they don't want a solution where men
Speaker 2: are real solution base, they just want to vent and
Speaker 2: be heard.
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally, I think. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think that is where a lot of relationship problems
Speaker 3: can sometimes come from because men in some ways not you.
Speaker 1: Because you're not a handy man in different ways.
Speaker 3: An emotional you want to be in an emotional handy
Speaker 3: man you want to physical.
Speaker 1: I don't want to fix the problem. And I'm so
Speaker 1: guilty of this.
Speaker 3: Like if someone comes to me with a problem, I'm like,
Speaker 3: let me fix it for you.
Speaker 1: This is what I think you should do.
Speaker 3: I think as well, when you are offering that support,
Speaker 3: I think it's important to be consistent with your support,
Speaker 3: so you know, if something bad happens in someone's life,
Speaker 3: it's not just a case of I'll send them a
Speaker 3: message and now like hands up, I've done my job,
Speaker 3: like wipe my hands of them. I think showing up
Speaker 3: with that consistency long term support, realizing that when bad
Speaker 3: things happen in your friends or found lives that you
Speaker 3: know time heals all, but you need to really show
Speaker 3: up for them. For example, my friend who's going through
Speaker 3: a tough time this morning, I just enter it almost
Speaker 3: like a good morning message. But I was just like, hey,
Speaker 3: thinking of you. Give me a call if you need anything.
Speaker 3: I love you. You know, like, just like one of
Speaker 3: those messages so that people it's nice, so that people
Speaker 3: know that you're thinking of them.
Speaker 2: It goes a long way as well.
Speaker 3: It does go a long way, and it's nice to
Speaker 3: receive those messages like starting your day and if something
Speaker 3: bad's happened, you know that feeling when you wake up,
Speaker 3: your eyes open and you get that sinking feeling in
Speaker 3: your gut.
Speaker 1: And then if you look at.
Speaker 3: Your phone and you have a nice message from your
Speaker 3: friend who's thinking about you, you're like, ah, those.
Speaker 2: When you go through stuff and there's like a couple
Speaker 2: of seconds when you first wake up and you've forgotten
Speaker 2: about it. Yeah, and then it kicks in it and
Speaker 2: you're like the fuck the fuck. Also, respect their boundaries
Speaker 2: and timing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think everyone heals and wants to talk and
Speaker 3: communicate at their own pace. And I think you're right,
Speaker 3: like you need to really read the room and you know,
Speaker 3: know your friends and don't keep hounding them. Yeah, don't overstep,
Speaker 3: Like I think like one message a day is good.
Speaker 1: You don't need to message them throughout the day and
Speaker 1: if they've.
Speaker 2: Not replied, I mean you're not rocking up to their
Speaker 2: house with flowers and that they don't want to talk
Speaker 2: to you.
Speaker 1: I mean you could.
Speaker 3: You could just leave them at the door, or like
Speaker 3: make them a meal. A lot of people, because I'm pregnant,
Speaker 3: they've been saying.
Speaker 2: Talking about had a smoothie today.
Speaker 3: A lot of people have been saying to me, like
Speaker 3: when you first have the baby, A lot of people
Speaker 3: want to come over and visit the house, and people say,
Speaker 3: can I do anything for you? And just yes, say
Speaker 3: if that's it, like can cook me something and just
Speaker 3: drop it off, but like they don't have to come in,
Speaker 3: They'll just leave it at the door.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, that sounds bliss, It sounds lovely.
Speaker 2: Someone could drop something off now, who eats?
Speaker 1: Could I'm surprised you've not ordered something at this point.
Speaker 2: Complaining NonStop, encourage them to seek professional help. We're advocates
Speaker 2: on this podcast of therapy. I think there's nothing wrong
Speaker 2: with going to therapy. So I feel like sometimes yeah,
Speaker 2: seeking your friend's help or your family's advice, you're not
Speaker 2: getting the professional advice, and it is as well one sided,
Speaker 2: Like you know, someone's coming. And I think as well,
Speaker 2: I think with friends in that and as well, like
Speaker 2: it's very what's the word biased towards you and the thing,
Speaker 2: whereas if like you speak to someone a therapist, it
Speaker 2: can be mutual when they can give you the advice
Speaker 2: that you need to get over something that's hurting you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think as well, like no one's ever
Speaker 3: expecting to go through a bad time or through something
Speaker 3: bad to happen. And I think it's just a good
Speaker 3: reminder as a friend to tell your friends, hey, look,
Speaker 3: you seem to be really struggling, and I know this
Speaker 3: really good therapist. Apparently they're you know, super helpful or
Speaker 3: whatever way you want to position it, but just reminding
Speaker 3: people that support is available, and even if they don't
Speaker 3: take it immediately, it's just planting that little seed in
Speaker 3: their head to know there is more that I can do.
Speaker 3: There's healthcare professionals who I can see who can help
Speaker 3: me feel better if I can't get there myself, and
Speaker 3: using that support. I will also say, when you are
Speaker 3: talking with your friends and you know they are going
Speaker 3: through a tough time, listening is so important, but also
Speaker 3: validating their feelings and letting them know, like, you know,
Speaker 3: it's okay to feel like this, It's normal to feel like.
Speaker 2: This if I'm been working on that in my relationship
Speaker 2: as well, like actually validating the other person, so saying
Speaker 2: I understand what you're saying, I hear you. It's good.
Speaker 2: It makes you feel when when someone talks to you
Speaker 2: like that. It makes you feel heard and understood, and
Speaker 2: it can soothe pain.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there was actually a two thousand and four study
Speaker 3: on emotional support done that actually showed emotional validation from
Speaker 3: a trusted friend was actually linked to four forty percent
Speaker 3: higher levels of positive emotions. So all of these things
Speaker 3: are really making a pretty big difference in.
Speaker 1: Someone's life who is going through a tough time.
Speaker 2: That Another one is to help them maintain social connections.
Speaker 2: So like when someone gets depressed, it's quite easy for
Speaker 2: them to stay in home, eat shit, watch TV, and
Speaker 2: just like not really get out of the house and
Speaker 2: do much. So I feel like helping your friend get
Speaker 2: out of the house, do stuff. Maybe take them for
Speaker 2: a mental health walk, take them to I don't know,
Speaker 2: a restaurant to eat, just get out of the house,
Speaker 2: go do stuff that will bring enjoyment to them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think, look, when we are going through
Speaker 3: a tough time, don't get me wrong, all you want
Speaker 3: to do is not talk to anyone. Sometimes get some
Speaker 3: moober eats. You don't want to do anything, you don't
Speaker 3: want to cook, and you just want to kind of
Speaker 3: like sit there and feel your feelings. And I think
Speaker 3: it is important to really feel those feelings, to have
Speaker 3: a good cry if you need to. But I think
Speaker 3: when we're thinking about health and improving your health, actually
Speaker 3: eating cleaner and getting outside even if it's for a
Speaker 3: ten minute walk or just seeing someone who can give
Speaker 3: you a hug, all of those things help and improve
Speaker 3: health outcome.
Speaker 2: I saw this thing and it was like how long
Speaker 2: you walk for what it does to your body? I
Speaker 2: think it was like even like fifteen minutes releases a
Speaker 2: bunch of like serotonin and dopin or whatever it was.
Speaker 2: I can't. I think I saved it on Instagram after
Speaker 2: find or screenshot it, and it was good like every
Speaker 2: and then like you get to like forty five minutes,
Speaker 2: it burns like this much fat and it does like
Speaker 2: all it was just going through all the stuff it does.
Speaker 2: Walks are so good. People say, like, oh, going on
Speaker 2: walks doesn't do much. It does.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh absolutely, and it's good to kind of. I
Speaker 3: feel like you see the world in a different way
Speaker 3: when you're walking through a street rather than driving through it.
Speaker 3: Like you notice things, don't you think, Like you're like
Speaker 3: looking at.
Speaker 2: Like I try not to take my phone with me sometimes,
Speaker 2: but then when you take your phone, you don't have music,
Speaker 2: So I try not to be on my phone.
Speaker 1: Mental health walks, yeah, do you have mental health walks?
Speaker 2: Love that, Yeah, just to clear the brain. It's nice
Speaker 2: be it one with nature.
Speaker 3: You know that looking at nature actually can reduce anxiety
Speaker 3: and depression, like looking at moving nature. So I'm looking
Speaker 3: outside of the studio right now and I can see
Speaker 3: a moving tree and I'm seeing the leaves move in
Speaker 3: the wind, and it's actually quite calming.
Speaker 2: Have you ever grounded yourself? Like taking off?
Speaker 1: I love grounding myself. How good is that?
Speaker 2: I went out of my office one time, I went
Speaker 2: to the park and took my shoes.
Speaker 1: Yes, just feed on the grass, feet in the dirt,
Speaker 1: to feet in the sand is my go to.
Speaker 3: I live close to a beach, so I think, yeah,
Speaker 3: feet in the sand, feet in the ocean, bliss. I
Speaker 3: think as a friend, when you are giving advice, no
Speaker 3: matter how big or small someone's problem feels to you,
Speaker 3: it is important to never minimize someone's struggles. So just
Speaker 3: to be mindful not comparing someone's struggles to someone else's
Speaker 3: or to yours. I think we all have this habit
Speaker 3: of if someone goes, oh, this really bad thing happened
Speaker 3: to me, and then you go, oh, well this happened
Speaker 3: to me too, and it's almost.
Speaker 2: Like this validating their feelings.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, And I think sometimes it's good even if
Speaker 3: you have something that you want to say to actually
Speaker 3: just go this isn't about me. They're talking about something
Speaker 3: that's really difficult in their life right now and actually
Speaker 3: just taking it in and acknowledging that's it, holding space,
Speaker 3: acknowledging it and making them feel like you've really listened
Speaker 3: to their problem and not doing the whole comparison thing
Speaker 3: of like, well I'm going through this so yeah you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think that we're going is not comparing
Speaker 2: anything like well, when this happened or I've got this
Speaker 2: going on. Just hold space for them, listen to them,
Speaker 2: and validate.
Speaker 3: Them, and holding emotional support, like you said, is amazing
Speaker 3: and comforting you can also do it through humor. And
Speaker 3: I say this lightly because I think definitely choosing your
Speaker 3: moments on the humor is important. But I think if
Speaker 3: someone's going through a really tough time, you don't always
Speaker 3: want to be serious twenty four to seven. And I think,
Speaker 3: you know, if someone's had a couple of weeks to
Speaker 3: kind of feel their feelings and feel their emotions, and
Speaker 3: I know that you love to crack a joke or
Speaker 3: if I'm sad, sometimes I feel like you will crack
Speaker 3: a joke the room. Yeah, Like we say this with caution, guys,
Speaker 3: like please read the room.
Speaker 2: If passed away or something, don't just crack a joke
Speaker 2: out straight away. Read the room.
Speaker 1: Read the room.
Speaker 3: Yeah, don't definitely don't crack a joke about anyone who's
Speaker 3: passed away. I'm saying more like, you know, bring a
Speaker 3: bit of humor into the conversation, make them laugh if
Speaker 3: that is your type of personality, and if you don't
Speaker 3: feel comfortable with it, just leave it to the life.
Speaker 2: It's the best medicine.
Speaker 1: Sometimes is the best medicine.
Speaker 3: I totally, I totally agree with that. One of my friends,
Speaker 3: Maddie she I don't know what it is about like
Speaker 3: our friendship, but we just get into these laughing fits
Speaker 3: together and it's almost like it's it's not even sometimes
Speaker 3: about the topic, but I hear her hysterically laughing, and
Speaker 3: then it makes me hysterically them so good, and then
Speaker 3: you just it is laughing is truly the best medicine.
Speaker 2: Last, but not least, stay patient and allow space for
Speaker 2: them to heal. Yeah, which is literally wrapping up everything
Speaker 2: we've just said.
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, Just I think being a consistent friend, being patient,
Speaker 3: showing support through their tough times, you know, is the
Speaker 3: best way to hold space for healing.
Speaker 2: And remember bad times don't last. Your friend will feel better.
Speaker 3: Soon and time heals or wounds, although some wounds are
Speaker 3: deeper than others.
Speaker 1: So the time will be longer and will be longer.
Speaker 3: You know what, Matt, I'm really glad we did this episode.
Speaker 3: I think it is something that's worth just putting to
Speaker 3: the front of the brain. And it's just, you know,
Speaker 3: these are all little tools that you can use in
Speaker 3: your daily life. Whether it doesn't even need to be
Speaker 3: a friend. It can just be like a work colleague
Speaker 3: who's going through a tough time, someone in.
Speaker 1: Your family, or a friend partner, whatever it is.
Speaker 3: But I think it's just good to refresh on, you know,
Speaker 3: things that you can do to really make a difference
Speaker 3: in someone you care about life.
Speaker 2: I think I was very terrible back in the day.
Speaker 2: I think maturing and growing up has gotten me a
Speaker 2: lot better at that sort of stuff.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I realized back in the day I wouldn't have
Speaker 2: held space for mates and that, so now yeah, I feel.
Speaker 3: Like I can, and I think as well, like when
Speaker 3: you feel like someone holds space for you as well,
Speaker 3: it's like this reciprocal friendship where you can kind of
Speaker 3: give and take and it's not just take, take take
Speaker 2: Okay, guys, until next time, Bye bye your friends.