1 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:11,720 Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, welcome back to another episode of My Joe 2 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:16,200 Speaker 1: Monday with me coach Khali. So today we're diving into 3 00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 1: a fascinating and unique approach to mental health and well 4 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:23,920 Speaker 1: being called Marita therapy, which is also something that I 5 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 1: am incredibly passionate about. And that is because since my 6 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:32,960 Speaker 1: first introduction to Marita therapy back in twenty seventeen, it's 7 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:38,240 Speaker 1: had an incredible positive impact on my own mental health 8 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 1: and well being, and it's also had such a positive 9 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:45,879 Speaker 1: impact on many of my clients. So Marita therapy was 10 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:50,520 Speaker 1: developed by a Japanese psychiatrist, Showma Marita in the early 11 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:55,000 Speaker 1: twentieth century, and it's deeply rooted in Zen Buddhism. Marita 12 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 1: was a Zen Buddhist himself and he originally created it 13 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:04,360 Speaker 1: to treat what is called shinkaitsu, which is a type 14 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:09,760 Speaker 1: of anxiety neurosis. So many of his patients were suffering 15 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:16,280 Speaker 1: from these neuroses. It was things like generalized anxiety disorder, phobias, 16 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:19,880 Speaker 1: that sort of thing. And in saying that, over the years, 17 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,840 Speaker 1: its principles have been adapted to help with a wide 18 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:27,680 Speaker 1: range of emotional issues and to improve daily function, and 19 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 1: I think it's impacted me the most. It's been hugely 20 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 1: beneficial and understanding myself, understanding my thoughts, my emotions, and 21 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:42,640 Speaker 1: my behaviors and approach these in a way that was 22 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 1: very different to how I had been living. So Marita 23 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 1: suggests that we have two conflicting agendas that he identifies 24 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:57,360 Speaker 1: in human motivation. So according to Marita, we have two 25 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:01,560 Speaker 1: opposing drives. So we have a desired live fully or 26 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:06,040 Speaker 1: self actualize, which is living our full potential, and a 27 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:10,560 Speaker 1: desire to maintain security and comfort. And I'm sure this 28 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,960 Speaker 1: sounds familiar to many of you because it definitely I 29 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,080 Speaker 1: can definitely relate to this. So think about it. When 30 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:20,360 Speaker 1: you're pursuing something important like a career goal, or a 31 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 1: new relationship, or training for a half marathon, you're often 32 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 1: faced with doubt, discomfort, and insecurity, as well as excitement 33 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 1: and motivation to actually achieve these things. So that's where 34 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:39,680 Speaker 1: these two opposing drives are. And what Marita noticed was 35 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:43,520 Speaker 1: that the more we try to avoid the uncomfortable feelings, 36 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:47,280 Speaker 1: the more they disrupted our lives. So it's like trying 37 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,040 Speaker 1: to ignore as a mosquito bite, the more you scratch it, 38 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:53,360 Speaker 1: the worse that it gets. And this brings us to 39 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:57,640 Speaker 1: a key concept in Marita therapy called arugamama, which you 40 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:00,520 Speaker 1: may have heard of because I talk about it a lot. 41 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 1: So Aragamama means accepting life as it is. It's all 42 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:11,240 Speaker 1: about embracing the present moment without constantly comparing it to 43 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:15,919 Speaker 1: this idealized version of how you think think things should be. 44 00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:19,640 Speaker 1: So often we are not happy with the way things 45 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:23,280 Speaker 1: are in this moment, and we live in this state 46 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:28,040 Speaker 1: of dissatisfaction of our current situation and thinking that once 47 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:32,519 Speaker 1: we fix what's wrong, we'll finally be happy. And this 48 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:35,800 Speaker 1: relates to our mental health. Is very much in the West, 49 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,480 Speaker 1: where we feel that we need to get rid of symptoms. 50 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:41,600 Speaker 1: We're very focused on symptoms and we need to get 51 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,240 Speaker 1: rid of them before we can start to live a good, 52 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 1: meaningful life. But then when that future arrives, it's just 53 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:51,600 Speaker 1: another present moment with its own set of challenges. So 54 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 1: Marita therapy teaches us to break free from this cycle 55 00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:01,600 Speaker 1: and find satisfaction in the present moment. So let's talk 56 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:06,160 Speaker 1: now about the naturalness of feeling bad. So this may 57 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:10,440 Speaker 1: be what you don't want to hear, but Marita observed 58 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:15,400 Speaker 1: that it's perfectly normal to experience unpleasant thoughts and feelings 59 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:19,359 Speaker 1: like anxiety or depression or self doubt, and the real 60 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:23,960 Speaker 1: issue isn't these feelings themselves, but it's our attempts to 61 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:30,160 Speaker 1: suppress or avoid them because they're so uncomfortable. So Marita 62 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 1: therapy helps us change our relationship with these feelings so 63 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,960 Speaker 1: we accept them as a natural part of being human. 64 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:42,359 Speaker 1: And this was a game change for me because my 65 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:46,279 Speaker 1: life was so often dominated by trying to get rid 66 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:50,400 Speaker 1: of my feelings or emotions if they were difficult, and 67 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,400 Speaker 1: how I responded to this was often not aligned with 68 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,880 Speaker 1: the person who I wanted to be or what I 69 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:59,960 Speaker 1: stood for because I was so reactive to the emotion 70 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 1: and I would think or feel. I would just think, 71 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,919 Speaker 1: and then I would feel, and then I would just act. 72 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,279 Speaker 1: You know, I wouldn't even think about it. I wouldn't 73 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: even think that there was an option. So allowing emotions 74 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,680 Speaker 1: to always dictate what we do often means that we 75 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:18,359 Speaker 1: either are living in the past or we're living in 76 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,680 Speaker 1: the future, and it takes away from who we are 77 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: right now. So Marita emphasized that we can't control our 78 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: internal experiences through sheer will and putting our attention and 79 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:33,880 Speaker 1: our energy on unwanted thoughts and feelings often backfires on 80 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:37,240 Speaker 1: us because making the what it does is it makes 81 00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:40,560 Speaker 1: them even more intense and more frequent, because what you 82 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,719 Speaker 1: pay attention to is what grows. Or what I often 83 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 1: say is it's like you put attention on these thoughts 84 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,039 Speaker 1: and the feelings, and it's like throwing fuel on the 85 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 1: fire it grows. So instead, Marita therapy focuses on what 86 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:57,159 Speaker 1: we can control, which is our actions and our behaviors. 87 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 1: And just on a side note, this is very much 88 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:05,440 Speaker 1: aligned with epictetis, with a stoic philosopher with the zones 89 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 1: of controls, and it's also very much aligned with act 90 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 1: which I often consider being a kind of a Western 91 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:17,200 Speaker 1: version of Marita therapy. And in all of these actions 92 00:06:17,279 --> 00:06:22,680 Speaker 1: are controllable, unlike our automatic thoughts and emotions. Our automatic 93 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:26,359 Speaker 1: thoughts and emotions are a part of our brain wiring 94 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:31,360 Speaker 1: from our past experiences, so they're very hard, if not impossible, 95 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:36,080 Speaker 1: to control. So an example of this would be, and 96 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,279 Speaker 1: it's quite a light example, but you might not feel 97 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,760 Speaker 1: like going for a run, or you might not feel 98 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,720 Speaker 1: like getting out of bed, but you can do it 99 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:48,960 Speaker 1: despite how you feel and often taking action can actually 100 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:52,080 Speaker 1: change how you feel. So for example, you might gain 101 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:56,039 Speaker 1: confidence after giving a few presentations, even if you were 102 00:06:56,160 --> 00:07:00,800 Speaker 1: anxious at the start. And Marita therapy encourage us encourages 103 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:05,640 Speaker 1: us to accept our feelings and take purposeful action regardless 104 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,440 Speaker 1: of how we feel. And then, as I said, quite 105 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,760 Speaker 1: often our feelings will change, but that's not the primary 106 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:16,200 Speaker 1: motive of doing it. And another important aspect of Marita 107 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 1: therapy is around self centered attention, which includes our suffering, 108 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:26,320 Speaker 1: So paying attention to our suffering. When we become so 109 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:30,600 Speaker 1: preoccupied with ourselves, which seems to be quite a normal 110 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:35,160 Speaker 1: human trait, so we're talking our anxiety, our worry, our shame, 111 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:39,800 Speaker 1: what our symptoms are. We often get trapped in this 112 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 1: cycle of suffering, and Marita teaches us to shift our 113 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 1: focus or shift our attention from ourselves and this self 114 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:55,240 Speaker 1: centeredness to the outside world. So being present, getting in 115 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:59,600 Speaker 1: touch with the world around us, especially the natural world 116 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:04,280 Speaker 1: around us, it can really break us free from the 117 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:08,880 Speaker 1: prison that we often create in our own minds. So 118 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 1: Marita therapy has taught me to be aware of and 119 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 1: accept the moment to moment fluctuations of my thoughts and 120 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 1: my feelings without struggling with them. And the point is 121 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:23,800 Speaker 1: not to get rid of their discomfort, but it's about 122 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:27,360 Speaker 1: living a purposeful and a meaningful life even in the 123 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:32,200 Speaker 1: presence of it. And I would certainly say that it 124 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:35,480 Speaker 1: is easy to say and often hard to do, but 125 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 1: this is a skill. It is a life skill, and 126 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 1: like all skills, the more you practice, the better you 127 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:45,359 Speaker 1: get at us. And I am somebody who since twenty 128 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 1: seventeen has been practicing this stuff, and so I can 129 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:56,120 Speaker 1: personally say that it has had a huge positive impact 130 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:59,400 Speaker 1: on my life and my relationship with my own emotions 131 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:03,599 Speaker 1: and my own things thoughts. So traditionally Marita therapy have 132 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:08,280 Speaker 1: this strict sort of four stage protocol which he had 133 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:13,320 Speaker 1: as an inpatient program, which I won't delve into now, 134 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:17,000 Speaker 1: but it can certainly be used as an approach focused 135 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:21,600 Speaker 1: on developing healthy living skills and learning to take control 136 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:25,240 Speaker 1: of and manage our attention and taking action aligned with 137 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:28,760 Speaker 1: our purpose in each moment. And that's why Marita therapy 138 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:33,079 Speaker 1: is often referred to as the psychology of action. So 139 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,400 Speaker 1: to wrap up, I want to leave you with a 140 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:41,320 Speaker 1: quote from Showman Marita himself. Accept your feelings, know your purpose, 141 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:46,000 Speaker 1: do what needs to be done. So next time you 142 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:50,960 Speaker 1: find yourself struggling with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, try to 143 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 1: accept those feelings as part of your humanness. Focus on 144 00:09:56,640 --> 00:10:01,240 Speaker 1: your actions, so where is your attention in this Redirect 145 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:04,560 Speaker 1: that attention and focus on your actions and do what 146 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:08,000 Speaker 1: needs to be done. And you may need to coexist 147 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 1: with those thoughts and feelings for a while, but when 148 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,360 Speaker 1: you are focused on what needs to be done or 149 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:18,680 Speaker 1: focused on the outside world, often though, the intensity of 150 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:23,040 Speaker 1: those feelings will start to decrease. If you engage fully 151 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,640 Speaker 1: in the present moment with whatever it is you are 152 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 1: doing over time, like me, you might just find that 153 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 1: life takes on a new perspective. So thanks for listening, 154 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,959 Speaker 1: and I hope you've found today's episode on Marita Therapy 155 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:43,360 Speaker 1: interesting and inspiring, and don't forget to subscribe and live 156 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:46,120 Speaker 1: a review if you've enjoyed this episode, and I will 157 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 1: see you next week.