1
00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:04,640
Speaker 1: From the newsroom at news dot com Today.

2
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,000
Speaker 2: Good day, They're I'm Andrew Bucklow and I'll tell you what.

3
00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:10,479
Speaker 2: It has been a huge week at news dot com

4
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:14,319
Speaker 2: dot AU, some massive stories dropping. On Tuesday, our team

5
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:17,840
Speaker 2: was all over that shocking assassination from Victoria where gangland

6
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,880
Speaker 2: figure Sam, the punisher of Dilrahim, was gunned down in

7
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:21,800
Speaker 2: a car park.

8
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:26,120
Speaker 3: The mail was walking towards his car and the offender

9
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,880
Speaker 3: has approached and a number of shots were fired.

10
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,360
Speaker 2: The very next day, our team covered that alarming story

11
00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:34,159
Speaker 2: from New South Wales where police revealed that they'd boiled

12
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,600
Speaker 2: a potential terror attack.

13
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:40,280
Speaker 3: Police were contacted and subsequently recovered a caravan on a

14
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:45,159
Speaker 3: residential property. That caravan contained an amount of explosives and

15
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:49,240
Speaker 3: some indication that those explosives might be used in some

16
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:51,200
Speaker 3: form of anti Semitic attack.

17
00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:53,640
Speaker 2: Pretty heavy stuff, isn't it. But here's the thing I

18
00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,000
Speaker 2: love about news dot com dot a U. Okay, not

19
00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,400
Speaker 2: only do we cover those big breaking stories, but we

20
00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:01,200
Speaker 2: also make sure there's some variet on our homepage so

21
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,480
Speaker 2: it's not all doom and gloom. For example, here's what

22
00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:06,880
Speaker 2: was said at our editorial meeting this morning about the

23
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,680
Speaker 2: latest edition to the royal family.

24
00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:11,679
Speaker 4: Danielle is looking at all the trolls that are coming

25
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:15,360
Speaker 4: after Princess Beatrice's four d al baby, which is nasty.

26
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:18,199
Speaker 5: People are criticizing the photo that you know, have hands

27
00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:21,040
Speaker 5: over a face. Other people are questioning who her real

28
00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,840
Speaker 5: dadd is like just unhinged behavior.

29
00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:27,280
Speaker 2: Honestly, who decides to troll a newborn like, have some

30
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,360
Speaker 2: decency and wait until the kids at least I don't

31
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,160
Speaker 2: know six months old. That's a joke, I promise. There

32
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,679
Speaker 2: was another story in the editorial meeting that grabbed my

33
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:37,839
Speaker 2: attention today from our lifestyle editor Bes Scanlon.

34
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:41,240
Speaker 4: I'm finishing up the bizarre excuses for menteting.

35
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,800
Speaker 2: As soon as I heard bizarre excuses and cheating, my

36
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,400
Speaker 2: ears pricked up. I wanted to know more. So Beck's

37
00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:49,480
Speaker 2: is going to run us through them in just a moment,

38
00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,640
Speaker 2: and then we're going to get a psychologist on the

39
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,240
Speaker 2: line to reveal how you should actually tell your partner

40
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,840
Speaker 2: if you have cheated on them, or if you should

41
00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:06,640
Speaker 2: even tell them at all. Controversial News dot Com Dot

42
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,720
Speaker 2: Use lifestyle editor Bes Scanlan joins me in the studio, Bex,

43
00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:12,760
Speaker 2: thank you for coming in. No worries, I know you're

44
00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:14,880
Speaker 2: very busy, so I do appreciate you giving up your time.

45
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,440
Speaker 2: First of all, I think this is the first time

46
00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,840
Speaker 2: we've had you on this podcast. You've got an accent.

47
00:02:18,919 --> 00:02:20,280
Speaker 2: Just tell everyone where you're from.

48
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,040
Speaker 1: So, I'm actually from Sydney, Bucky.

49
00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:23,160
Speaker 2: I've lived here.

50
00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:25,680
Speaker 4: I've lived here for fourteen years. But I know you

51
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:28,959
Speaker 4: can't resist reminding me I'm not actually Australian, but I grew.

52
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:30,600
Speaker 2: Up in London whereabouts in London?

53
00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:31,840
Speaker 1: So I grew up in West London?

54
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:32,600
Speaker 5: Oh?

55
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,280
Speaker 2: Is that dangerous part of the Let's move on? Okay,

56
00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:39,480
Speaker 2: So you've got this cracking story today about bizarre excuses

57
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:42,560
Speaker 2: that men have used once they've been caught cheating. Where

58
00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:43,760
Speaker 2: did you come across this story?

59
00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,600
Speaker 4: So there is a new trend on TikTok where all

60
00:02:46,639 --> 00:02:49,560
Speaker 4: our favorite stories come from and my stuff, and it

61
00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:54,160
Speaker 4: is basically women are sharing the bizarre and most random

62
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,920
Speaker 4: excuses men have given them after they've caught them cheating.

63
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,560
Speaker 2: Right, So someone put up a video from what I

64
00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:02,880
Speaker 2: understand and just saying, hey, here's an excuse my man used.

65
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,560
Speaker 2: And then is it right that she's just been inundated

66
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:06,720
Speaker 2: with people from around the world.

67
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,000
Speaker 1: Absolutely flooded.

68
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:12,519
Speaker 4: Thousands and thousands of women have shared these stupid, ridiculous excuses.

69
00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:14,960
Speaker 2: Well, the points to the men of the world for

70
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,160
Speaker 2: coming up with so many different excuses. Clearly some great

71
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,959
Speaker 2: creativity there. A couple of stood out to you from

72
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,000
Speaker 2: what I believe. Let's start with some funny ones.

73
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:26,480
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, so buckle up, because you're not going to

74
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:29,840
Speaker 4: believe what some of these guys say. One said that

75
00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,040
Speaker 4: they forgot to break up with their partner, which was

76
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,920
Speaker 4: why they cheered, So they just absent mindedly forgot to

77
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,440
Speaker 4: mention that they're not together anymore.

78
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,160
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm so sorry about hooking up with my new girl.

79
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:40,600
Speaker 2: I just forgot to tell you that we want in

80
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:43,640
Speaker 2: a relationship anymore. My bad, I know. Well.

81
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,400
Speaker 4: Another one said that it didn't count that he cheated

82
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,640
Speaker 4: because he was thinking about her the whole time.

83
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:55,120
Speaker 2: That is outrageous. I honestly hope that that girl did

84
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:58,960
Speaker 2: not accept that excuse, because what a load of bullshit

85
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:01,760
Speaker 2: him for trying. Okay, what else you got?

86
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:05,840
Speaker 4: My favorite one was one that said a guy told

87
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,320
Speaker 4: his other half that it wasn't him that cheated. He

88
00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:10,880
Speaker 4: had a split personality, so it was actually Derek.

89
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,560
Speaker 2: That is great. I am going to use that in

90
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,400
Speaker 2: my real life. Derek is the dick, not me. Okay,

91
00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:20,120
Speaker 2: I'm actually a great person. Now, not all of them

92
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,880
Speaker 2: were funny, and cheating's not very funny, but you know,

93
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,840
Speaker 2: obviously some of these excuses are There have obviously been

94
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:29,040
Speaker 2: some heavier ones that people have shared on TikTok. What

95
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,640
Speaker 2: were some that was like pretty gross in your opinion?

96
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:32,120
Speaker 1: Yeah?

97
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,159
Speaker 4: So, one that really stood out was a man telling

98
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:38,680
Speaker 4: his pregnant partner that he cheated because she'd gained weight,

99
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:40,520
Speaker 4: which is just atrocious.

100
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,960
Speaker 2: Gained weight. Yeah, it's your kid, That's why your partner

101
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:47,039
Speaker 2: has gained weight. You've got yourself to blame there, mate, Okay,

102
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:48,160
Speaker 2: that's horrific. What else?

103
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,760
Speaker 4: Another said that she works too much and he doesn't

104
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:55,320
Speaker 4: see her anymore, but she pointed out he actually worked

105
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:56,040
Speaker 4: in the same office.

106
00:04:56,839 --> 00:05:00,360
Speaker 2: My god, this is just mind blowing. I think they

107
00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,120
Speaker 2: can get away with this stuff. Is there another one

108
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:02,680
Speaker 2: you want to share?

109
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,000
Speaker 4: Yeah? I have one more. I mean it's a bit grim,

110
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,240
Speaker 4: to be honest, but yeah. One woman said that she

111
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:11,400
Speaker 4: had tragically suffered a miscarriage and that was obviously affecting

112
00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,560
Speaker 4: her emotionally and her partner said she was just too

113
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,520
Speaker 4: depressed for him.

114
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:19,160
Speaker 2: God, this is really giving men a bad name, isn't it.

115
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:20,800
Speaker 1: I think they've done that for themselves.

116
00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:23,600
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, if you want to read more of this

117
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,560
Speaker 2: story from Beck's our lifestyle editor, it's online right now

118
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,919
Speaker 2: at news dot com dot AU. And don't go anywhere,

119
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,360
Speaker 2: because we're going to get a psychologist on the line

120
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,760
Speaker 2: in just a moment to tell you how you should

121
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,240
Speaker 2: tell your partner that you've cheated instead of some of

122
00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:44,040
Speaker 2: these bizarre excuses, or even if you should tell your partner. Well,

123
00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:47,599
Speaker 2: we've heard some pretty outrageous excuses from men for why

124
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:50,360
Speaker 2: they've cheated. Now I want to get an expert on

125
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,280
Speaker 2: the line and find out just what you should do

126
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,560
Speaker 2: if you have cheated and you want to tell your partner,

127
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,240
Speaker 2: or even if you should tell your partner. Carli Doba

128
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,880
Speaker 2: is a psychologist from Enrich Live Psychology. Thanks so much

129
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:02,479
Speaker 2: for joining me.

130
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:03,479
Speaker 5: Thanks for having me.

131
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,640
Speaker 2: First question I want to ask, if you have cheated

132
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:09,719
Speaker 2: on your partner, should you tell them?

133
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:14,920
Speaker 5: Typical with psychology, there's really a hard and fast answer,

134
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:19,760
Speaker 5: and it really depends on the nature of the infidelity.

135
00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:22,480
Speaker 5: What you want from the future of the relationship, how

136
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:24,919
Speaker 5: you think your partner might receive it. And when I

137
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,800
Speaker 5: talk about that, I mean things like, what is their

138
00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:30,240
Speaker 5: mental health like right now, how do they usually cope

139
00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:33,240
Speaker 5: with this kind of news, And what your intention is

140
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,919
Speaker 5: for the person that you engaged in this affair, infidelity

141
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:38,640
Speaker 5: or whatever with So.

142
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,080
Speaker 2: By that do you mean if you want to save

143
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,360
Speaker 2: the relationship, maybe you should tell them.

144
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:46,720
Speaker 5: I think people naturally have a reluctance to fess up

145
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,840
Speaker 5: to poor behavior or to talk about the things that

146
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,360
Speaker 5: they've done that maybe doesn't align with their values, and

147
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,320
Speaker 5: that makes sense. It can be stressful, it can feel

148
00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:58,599
Speaker 5: really poor. However, we're thinking about infidelity and that is

149
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:03,080
Speaker 5: fundamentally a breach of trust that occurs right and that

150
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:06,800
Speaker 5: does impact a relationship, whether the person knows it or not.

151
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:11,960
Speaker 5: So I think if trust and respect is an important

152
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:15,040
Speaker 5: value that you share, sometimes ripping off the band aid

153
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:18,720
Speaker 5: and having that discussion with them can firstly allow your

154
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:21,760
Speaker 5: partner to know exactly what's happening in the relationship because

155
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:25,400
Speaker 5: they're in the dark essentially, and it also offers them

156
00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:29,160
Speaker 5: the opportunity to make an informed decision about what their

157
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:30,120
Speaker 5: future looks like.

158
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,560
Speaker 2: All right, let's say that someone has cheated, and they

159
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:35,960
Speaker 2: do decide that they want to tell their partner because

160
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,920
Speaker 2: trust is important to them and their relationship. How should

161
00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:41,040
Speaker 2: they go about that? How do they actually sit their

162
00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:43,200
Speaker 2: partner down and go listen, I got something to tell you.

163
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:47,560
Speaker 5: It'll be rough and there's no yeah, there's no mincing

164
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:51,560
Speaker 5: words there. I think pick at time and a place neutral,

165
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:54,560
Speaker 5: you know, powhas that's the backyard. Perhaps that's you know,

166
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,680
Speaker 5: in the home, not necessarily after they've had a huge,

167
00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:01,120
Speaker 5: horrible day at work, but it's where they have an

168
00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:04,200
Speaker 5: hour on the weekend where they've maybe got nothing on,

169
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:08,480
Speaker 5: where a big conversation can happen. Because naturally they will

170
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:13,280
Speaker 5: have questions, they will feel incredibly shocked and hurt, maybe

171
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:16,240
Speaker 5: if they really didn't see this coming. But we don't

172
00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,360
Speaker 5: want this to be a rush shop, and we also

173
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:22,160
Speaker 5: don't want this to be something where they feel like

174
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,160
Speaker 5: they have no power in this conversation.

175
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,040
Speaker 2: You've mentioned at home there, so you're saying it's not

176
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:28,960
Speaker 2: a good idea to do this at a restaurant in

177
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,760
Speaker 2: the hopes that your partner won't flip out then, and

178
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:36,200
Speaker 2: they're surprisingly not. If there are any cheetahs listening, is there.

179
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,079
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm sure there's not a script to follow,

180
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,280
Speaker 2: but any advice about how they actually bring this up

181
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:42,319
Speaker 2: and deliver that news.

182
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:47,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think be honest with yourself firstly about what

183
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:51,200
Speaker 5: led to this behavior. For some people, they might truly

184
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,320
Speaker 5: just be checked out of the relationship. You know, they

185
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,040
Speaker 5: might love their partner as a person, but they might

186
00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,559
Speaker 5: not want to be with them anymore. Sometimes they might

187
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,679
Speaker 5: other stresses that their partner doesn't know about, or they

188
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:06,640
Speaker 5: might simply desire a different kind of relationship configuration because

189
00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:08,960
Speaker 5: monogamy is quite difficult at times, or it might be

190
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:12,840
Speaker 5: difficult for them. Think about what drove this behavior, and

191
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:16,640
Speaker 5: consider how honest you can be, because if you lie

192
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:21,439
Speaker 5: about this, that is just complexity that doesn't need to occur.

193
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:24,440
Speaker 2: And I'm sure there'll be some people listening as well

194
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:27,640
Speaker 2: who aren't necessarily the ones that've done the cheating, but

195
00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:31,959
Speaker 2: perhaps suspect that their partner is cheating. How do they

196
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,599
Speaker 2: go about bringing that up or should they bring it

197
00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:36,679
Speaker 2: up with their partner if they suspect that they're being

198
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:37,840
Speaker 2: cheated on, I.

199
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,960
Speaker 5: Think definitely have a conversation about it. If this is

200
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,439
Speaker 5: something that you think might be going on in your relationship.

201
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,600
Speaker 5: You might be wrong, and that might open up a

202
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,320
Speaker 5: conversation that your partner might not have been able to

203
00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:50,480
Speaker 5: have with you, just about what else is going on

204
00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:54,360
Speaker 5: in their life and if maybe they are struggling with something,

205
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,840
Speaker 5: or they are thinking about talking to you about past

206
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:02,680
Speaker 5: or current behavior, a seed for them to hopefully talk

207
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,120
Speaker 5: to you about this. I think it's important to know, though,

208
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,120
Speaker 5: that there are some people who will just never bring

209
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,640
Speaker 5: it up, and there's not much you can do if

210
00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:11,079
Speaker 5: that is their honest intention.

211
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,720
Speaker 2: So I guess what you're saying is it's better to

212
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:16,040
Speaker 2: have a conversation rather than you know, going out and

213
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,160
Speaker 2: hiring a private investigator or something like that.

214
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:23,199
Speaker 5: But that's not my first I can be very expensive.

215
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:27,720
Speaker 2: Carly Dober, a psychologist from Enriching Life Psychology, thank you

216
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,000
Speaker 2: so much for taking the time to chat.

217
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:30,080
Speaker 5: Thank you for having me.

218
00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:32,760
Speaker 2: Well that's it for today's episode of from the Newsroom.

219
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,880
Speaker 2: If it has inspired you to fess up and tell

220
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:36,680
Speaker 2: your partner that you cheated on them, I hope it

221
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,120
Speaker 2: goes well for you, and if not, well, look on

222
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,080
Speaker 2: the bright side. At least you'll save some money next

223
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,120
Speaker 2: month on Valentine's Day. I'm gat you later

224
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,400
Speaker 5: Follow or subscribe to from the newsroom wherever you get

225
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:50,080
Speaker 5: your podcast