Speaker 1: Oh, yes, you have tuned into healthy Ish, the daily
Speaker 1: podcast from Body and Soul. I am Felicity Halle. I
Speaker 1: hope you are having a healthyish day. Of course. I'm
Speaker 1: joined today by the wonderful Tarrant Brumfort. No doubt you
Speaker 1: know her. You know what she's done. She was the
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three Australian of the Year. Well, she's got
Speaker 1: a new mission to bring women together. She's going to
Speaker 1: tell us more about that today and also about well
Speaker 1: the perils and joys of making friends as an adult.
Speaker 1: She also throws in a few of her tips, which
Speaker 1: I'm sure you will like. Make sure you're listening to
Speaker 1: her on extra healthy Ish, our sister podcast, where we
Speaker 1: talk about how to overcome people pleasing tendencies. You can
Speaker 1: catch that one wherever you get your podcasts. Taran, Welcome
Speaker 1: back to healthy Ish. How are you?
Speaker 2: I'm great?
Speaker 1: What I'm excited about this? Most of us know you
Speaker 1: as an amazing body positivity advocate. But you've got a
Speaker 1: new mission. What's this all about?
Speaker 3: Yes, so I've teamed up with two of the most
Speaker 3: impressive people I've ever met. Their dear friends, doctor Jemmy
Speaker 3: Munroe and Mia Hanshan Jem has a PhD in performance
Speaker 3: psychology and Mea. We affectionately call her the Wayfinder because
Speaker 3: she has this knack for asking the right questions to
Speaker 3: help people get to.
Speaker 2: Where they want to be.
Speaker 3: And we've launched a community called the Oyster Sisters where
Speaker 3: we coach, champion and cheerlead women to I guess untether
Speaker 3: from the binds that have kept us small and unshackle,
Speaker 3: from the expectations that have cost us.
Speaker 2: And robbed us of lots of joy, and also help.
Speaker 3: Women quit playing the game the way we've been told
Speaker 3: to play it. So yeah, I think the main essence
Speaker 3: of the Oyster Sisters is a really around we are
Speaker 3: so done with the placards and platitudes that have They've
Speaker 3: inspired us for a sweet second, but then it's left
Speaker 3: us sort of feeling like, oh, but what next. So
Speaker 3: we sort of started the Oyster Sisters to support women
Speaker 3: to I guess, get to where they want to be
Speaker 3: personally and professionally in practical ways that work through connection
Speaker 3: and sharing the grit of life.
Speaker 2: As well as a few pearls of wisdom too.
Speaker 1: I just pick up on the word cheerleader. I feel
Speaker 1: like it's your whole concept is about just getting in
Speaker 1: a room with a bunch of women and just cheering
Speaker 1: each other on.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so nice to be seen and heard and
Speaker 3: share familiar stories, in particular when we're trying to interrupt patterns.
Speaker 2: I think when we're trying to do.
Speaker 3: That, whether it's professional or personally, having other people experiencing
Speaker 3: the same challenges around us and sharing our stories actually
Speaker 3: is so inspiring and gets us to where we want
Speaker 3: to be. So yeah, cheerleading who you on at cheerlead.
Speaker 1: To you just needs now.
Speaker 2: Exactly now.
Speaker 1: I mean the whole premise of this is coming together
Speaker 1: and finding your people. I mean it's so it's often
Speaker 1: really hard to make friends and find those people as adults.
Speaker 1: How have you well not only found these two other
Speaker 1: amazing women, but how do you navigate this?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I think the only way that you can navigate friendships,
Speaker 3: especially when you're sort of when you're an adult and
Speaker 3: finding them is leaning into that vulnerability, putting yourself out there.
Speaker 3: It can actually be really awkward at times, but.
Speaker 2: Yes, like it's like, do you remember in primary school?
Speaker 2: It's like would you like to be my friend?
Speaker 3: Or I'm listening to my teenagers at the minute, I'm like,
Speaker 3: how does one become a boyfriend and a girlfriend? You're like, well,
Speaker 3: they're like, d you just asked, like, will you be
Speaker 3: my boyfriend? So there's the whole thing, and I don't
Speaker 3: think it changes much, but I just think the return
Speaker 3: on some of that risk is so worth it. I mean,
Speaker 3: two of my deepest friendships with Mia and jem I
Speaker 3: found them, you know, in my thirties and my forties,
Speaker 3: and I just I think it's about being open to
Speaker 3: the possibility of new friendships at any stage and at
Speaker 3: every stage.
Speaker 1: How did you get Let's talk about those two friends
Speaker 1: for a minute. How did you get past the awkward stage,
Speaker 1: you know, like knowing you've obviously got something in common
Speaker 1: and feeling a feeling which we'll talk about in a minute,
Speaker 1: But how did you get past that almost almost asking
Speaker 1: someone out in many ways? Or can we be friends?
Speaker 1: Or you know what did you do? Tell us about that?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I mean Genma and I in particular, we just kept
Speaker 3: running into each other everywhere. It was almost like the
Speaker 3: universe was conspiring for us to be friends, Like we're
Speaker 3: sort of at the Quantus lounge. We sat together on
Speaker 3: planes when we didn't know each other a couple of times,
Speaker 3: and then one day I parked in a car park
Speaker 3: in the city and the doors opened and she was
Speaker 3: standing there, and.
Speaker 1: It was really kind of it's serendipitous.
Speaker 3: Oh, we kind of need something needs to happen here
Speaker 3: that it actually has sometimes those feelings of a bit
Speaker 3: of a first date, you know, And I guess I
Speaker 3: experienced that after my marriage break down in twenty twenty,
Speaker 3: those feelings of, oh my gosh, I've got to put
Speaker 3: myself back out there and have awkward conversations and not
Speaker 3: know what to expect. That's the beauty of old friendships
Speaker 3: is that there's that sense of just knowing.
Speaker 2: But I guess the.
Speaker 3: Thrill and the excitement of new friendships is just that
Speaker 3: you don't know what's going to happen, what's to expect,
Speaker 3: And I don't know. For me, it's been worth it
Speaker 3: all day long to put myself out there.
Speaker 1: So how do you know if you found your person?
Speaker 1: Describe for us the feeling.
Speaker 3: But the feeling is definitely freedom and also joy. And
Speaker 3: I think you know you've found your person because they
Speaker 3: love you as you are and you can tell them
Speaker 3: your darker secrets, share the worst parts of you and
Speaker 3: they still love you regardless. I think the other thing
Speaker 3: is that they will sit with you, like in your
Speaker 3: very dark moments and not try and fix you. And
Speaker 3: on the flip side of that, they also celebrate your wins.
Speaker 2: You know, your wins are their wins.
Speaker 3: And I remember Jemmy and I sat around a campfire
Speaker 3: back in twenty twenty and I shared the worst parts
Speaker 3: of me, which they affectionately call my Mary Queen of
Speaker 3: Scot's side.
Speaker 5: Of me bless and there was no judgment, you know,
Speaker 5: there was no shame, and there was this understanding and
Speaker 5: it was so nice to feel safe and seen.
Speaker 3: And I think it's really special when you can share
Speaker 3: what's in your basement with others instead of bottling it up.
Speaker 1: Well said, no, do you know what you were saying
Speaker 1: that I was getting, like all these warm feelings. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh ah, love friends. It's so good.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's all right, because when you feel shame about
Speaker 3: your worst bits, but they love you back and they're like,
Speaker 3: it's okay.
Speaker 1: No judgment, still love you even though, yeah, what you
Speaker 1: did was really shit, that's right.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I made a really good friend, must have been eight
Speaker 1: years ago, and she's actually in friendship. So she runs
Speaker 1: a course called You Are Strong, and she teaches kids
Speaker 1: to be friends and how to navigate friendships. And she
Speaker 1: was the best person to make as a friend as
Speaker 1: an adult because she really taught me to trust my
Speaker 1: own feeling. When you feel like you've got something in
Speaker 1: common with them, just take a step and almost say hey,
Speaker 1: do you want to discuss this over a coffee or
Speaker 1: so it's been great to be friends with her because
Speaker 1: she's taught me to be a better friend as an adult.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, And it just takes it takes a bit of encouragement,
Speaker 3: doesn't it.
Speaker 2: But but yeah, we've all been there.
Speaker 3: And I guess anyone who's listening who has that friend
Speaker 3: or that person that's sort of creeping forward, you know,
Speaker 3: lean in and catch them and and sort of make
Speaker 3: them feel comfortable and maybe even calling it out sometimes
Speaker 3: like this feels like a date, but whatever you need to.
Speaker 1: Do having a laugh about it. Well for anyone listening
Speaker 1: who you know, I mean, we have a loneliness epidemic
Speaker 1: around us. Anyone listening who needs some little encouragement on
Speaker 1: tips on how to find you know, some people that
Speaker 1: they get on with, that they connect with, how can
Speaker 1: we go about doing this?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean from our experience, we know.
Speaker 3: I'm so glad that you've raised the loneliness epidemic because
Speaker 3: we know that you can be surrounded by people and
Speaker 3: still feel lonely, and that you can catch up with
Speaker 3: some friends and not feel seen, and that you can
Speaker 3: share your.
Speaker 2: Your truths and not be heard.
Speaker 3: So I think I think finding your people involved staying
Speaker 3: open and taking risks. And also it's really I think
Speaker 3: it's important for us to be clear about what we
Speaker 3: love to do.
Speaker 2: What do you love doing.
Speaker 3: And how you value spending your time.
Speaker 2: Go do that and then be willing to move towards
Speaker 2: the people who love what you love.
Speaker 3: I think also it would be remissive of me not
Speaker 3: to say, you know, we've started a community.
Speaker 2: Through the Oysters Sisters.
Speaker 3: It's a growing global network of women and it's safe,
Speaker 3: it's fun, it's inspiring, and it's a beautiful way to
Speaker 3: make connections, not just the surface ones, but really deep
Speaker 3: and meaningful ones. And I think the thing is that we,
Speaker 3: you know, jem MEA and I, we go really deep
Speaker 3: in our community.
Speaker 2: We share it all.
Speaker 4: We share our stories, our wobbly bits, the metaphorical ones,
Speaker 4: of course, and our great and I think it gives
Speaker 4: others permission to do the same and encourage others to
Speaker 4: let their guards down, and it strengthens their sense of.
Speaker 2: Self and their purpose.
Speaker 3: And it's fun and it's powerful to grow and thrive together.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think you said, I think fun is
Speaker 1: the other thing we have to remember it. You can
Speaker 1: be vulnerable while having fun as well. Totally absolutely, Karen,
Speaker 1: thank you for coming on Healthish. Next time you just
Speaker 1: have that gut feeling that you and someone are connecting,
Speaker 1: just ask them out for coffee. It sounds a bit weird,
Speaker 1: it can be awkward, but do it. You never know
Speaker 1: what will come out of it. And as we know,
Speaker 1: the cornerstone of good health is well not only sleep,
Speaker 1: but also friendships and relationships and building on those. I
Speaker 1: will leave a link to Tarran's new venture Oayster Sisters
Speaker 1: in the show notes. If you did enjoy this chat,
Speaker 1: tell us rate and review this episode. Of course, subscribe
Speaker 1: to Healthy Ish or Extra Healthy Ish bodyandsoul dot com.
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Speaker 1: tomorrow to healthy ish