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Speaker 1: Oh, yes, you have tuned into healthy Ish, the daily

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Speaker 1: podcast from Body and Soul. I am Felicity Halle. I

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Speaker 1: hope you are having a healthyish day. Of course. I'm

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Speaker 1: joined today by the wonderful Tarrant Brumfort. No doubt you

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Speaker 1: know her. You know what she's done. She was the

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty three Australian of the Year. Well, she's got

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Speaker 1: a new mission to bring women together. She's going to

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Speaker 1: tell us more about that today and also about well

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Speaker 1: the perils and joys of making friends as an adult.

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Speaker 1: She also throws in a few of her tips, which

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you will like. Make sure you're listening to

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Speaker 1: her on extra healthy Ish, our sister podcast, where we

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Speaker 1: talk about how to overcome people pleasing tendencies. You can

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Speaker 1: catch that one wherever you get your podcasts. Taran, Welcome

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Speaker 1: back to healthy Ish. How are you?

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Speaker 2: I'm great?

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Speaker 1: What I'm excited about this? Most of us know you

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Speaker 1: as an amazing body positivity advocate. But you've got a

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Speaker 1: new mission. What's this all about?

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Speaker 3: Yes, so I've teamed up with two of the most

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Speaker 3: impressive people I've ever met. Their dear friends, doctor Jemmy

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Speaker 3: Munroe and Mia Hanshan Jem has a PhD in performance

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Speaker 3: psychology and Mea. We affectionately call her the Wayfinder because

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Speaker 3: she has this knack for asking the right questions to

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Speaker 3: help people get to.

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Speaker 2: Where they want to be.

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Speaker 3: And we've launched a community called the Oyster Sisters where

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Speaker 3: we coach, champion and cheerlead women to I guess untether

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Speaker 3: from the binds that have kept us small and unshackle,

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Speaker 3: from the expectations that have cost us.

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Speaker 2: And robbed us of lots of joy, and also help.

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Speaker 3: Women quit playing the game the way we've been told

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Speaker 3: to play it. So yeah, I think the main essence

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Speaker 3: of the Oyster Sisters is a really around we are

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Speaker 3: so done with the placards and platitudes that have They've

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Speaker 3: inspired us for a sweet second, but then it's left

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Speaker 3: us sort of feeling like, oh, but what next. So

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Speaker 3: we sort of started the Oyster Sisters to support women

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Speaker 3: to I guess, get to where they want to be

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Speaker 3: personally and professionally in practical ways that work through connection

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Speaker 3: and sharing the grit of life.

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Speaker 2: As well as a few pearls of wisdom too.

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Speaker 1: I just pick up on the word cheerleader. I feel

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Speaker 1: like it's your whole concept is about just getting in

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Speaker 1: a room with a bunch of women and just cheering

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Speaker 1: each other on.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so nice to be seen and heard and

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Speaker 3: share familiar stories, in particular when we're trying to interrupt patterns.

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Speaker 2: I think when we're trying to do.

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Speaker 3: That, whether it's professional or personally, having other people experiencing

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Speaker 3: the same challenges around us and sharing our stories actually

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Speaker 3: is so inspiring and gets us to where we want

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Speaker 3: to be. So yeah, cheerleading who you on at cheerlead.

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Speaker 1: To you just needs now.

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Speaker 2: Exactly now.

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Speaker 1: I mean the whole premise of this is coming together

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Speaker 1: and finding your people. I mean it's so it's often

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Speaker 1: really hard to make friends and find those people as adults.

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Speaker 1: How have you well not only found these two other

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Speaker 1: amazing women, but how do you navigate this?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? I think the only way that you can navigate friendships,

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Speaker 3: especially when you're sort of when you're an adult and

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Speaker 3: finding them is leaning into that vulnerability, putting yourself out there.

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Speaker 3: It can actually be really awkward at times, but.

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Speaker 2: Yes, like it's like, do you remember in primary school?

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Speaker 2: It's like would you like to be my friend?

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Speaker 3: Or I'm listening to my teenagers at the minute, I'm like,

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Speaker 3: how does one become a boyfriend and a girlfriend? You're like, well,

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Speaker 3: they're like, d you just asked, like, will you be

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Speaker 3: my boyfriend? So there's the whole thing, and I don't

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Speaker 3: think it changes much, but I just think the return

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Speaker 3: on some of that risk is so worth it. I mean,

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Speaker 3: two of my deepest friendships with Mia and jem I

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Speaker 3: found them, you know, in my thirties and my forties,

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Speaker 3: and I just I think it's about being open to

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Speaker 3: the possibility of new friendships at any stage and at

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Speaker 3: every stage.

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Speaker 1: How did you get Let's talk about those two friends

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Speaker 1: for a minute. How did you get past the awkward stage,

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Speaker 1: you know, like knowing you've obviously got something in common

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Speaker 1: and feeling a feeling which we'll talk about in a minute,

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Speaker 1: But how did you get past that almost almost asking

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Speaker 1: someone out in many ways? Or can we be friends?

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Speaker 1: Or you know what did you do? Tell us about that?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I mean Genma and I in particular, we just kept

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Speaker 3: running into each other everywhere. It was almost like the

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Speaker 3: universe was conspiring for us to be friends, Like we're

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Speaker 3: sort of at the Quantus lounge. We sat together on

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Speaker 3: planes when we didn't know each other a couple of times,

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Speaker 3: and then one day I parked in a car park

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Speaker 3: in the city and the doors opened and she was

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Speaker 3: standing there, and.

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Speaker 1: It was really kind of it's serendipitous.

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Speaker 3: Oh, we kind of need something needs to happen here

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Speaker 3: that it actually has sometimes those feelings of a bit

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Speaker 3: of a first date, you know, And I guess I

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Speaker 3: experienced that after my marriage break down in twenty twenty,

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Speaker 3: those feelings of, oh my gosh, I've got to put

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Speaker 3: myself back out there and have awkward conversations and not

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Speaker 3: know what to expect. That's the beauty of old friendships

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Speaker 3: is that there's that sense of just knowing.

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Speaker 2: But I guess the.

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Speaker 3: Thrill and the excitement of new friendships is just that

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Speaker 3: you don't know what's going to happen, what's to expect,

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Speaker 3: And I don't know. For me, it's been worth it

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Speaker 3: all day long to put myself out there.

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Speaker 1: So how do you know if you found your person?

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Speaker 1: Describe for us the feeling.

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Speaker 3: But the feeling is definitely freedom and also joy. And

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Speaker 3: I think you know you've found your person because they

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Speaker 3: love you as you are and you can tell them

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Speaker 3: your darker secrets, share the worst parts of you and

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Speaker 3: they still love you regardless. I think the other thing

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Speaker 3: is that they will sit with you, like in your

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Speaker 3: very dark moments and not try and fix you. And

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Speaker 3: on the flip side of that, they also celebrate your wins.

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Speaker 2: You know, your wins are their wins.

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Speaker 3: And I remember Jemmy and I sat around a campfire

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Speaker 3: back in twenty twenty and I shared the worst parts

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Speaker 3: of me, which they affectionately call my Mary Queen of

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Speaker 3: Scot's side.

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Speaker 5: Of me bless and there was no judgment, you know,

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Speaker 5: there was no shame, and there was this understanding and

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Speaker 5: it was so nice to feel safe and seen.

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Speaker 3: And I think it's really special when you can share

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Speaker 3: what's in your basement with others instead of bottling it up.

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Speaker 1: Well said, no, do you know what you were saying

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Speaker 1: that I was getting, like all these warm feelings. I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh ah, love friends. It's so good.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's all right, because when you feel shame about

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Speaker 3: your worst bits, but they love you back and they're like,

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Speaker 3: it's okay.

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Speaker 1: No judgment, still love you even though, yeah, what you

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Speaker 1: did was really shit, that's right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I made a really good friend, must have been eight

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Speaker 1: years ago, and she's actually in friendship. So she runs

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Speaker 1: a course called You Are Strong, and she teaches kids

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Speaker 1: to be friends and how to navigate friendships. And she

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Speaker 1: was the best person to make as a friend as

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Speaker 1: an adult because she really taught me to trust my

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Speaker 1: own feeling. When you feel like you've got something in

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Speaker 1: common with them, just take a step and almost say hey,

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Speaker 1: do you want to discuss this over a coffee or

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Speaker 1: so it's been great to be friends with her because

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Speaker 1: she's taught me to be a better friend as an adult.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, And it just takes it takes a bit of encouragement,

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Speaker 3: doesn't it.

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Speaker 2: But but yeah, we've all been there.

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Speaker 3: And I guess anyone who's listening who has that friend

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Speaker 3: or that person that's sort of creeping forward, you know,

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Speaker 3: lean in and catch them and and sort of make

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Speaker 3: them feel comfortable and maybe even calling it out sometimes

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Speaker 3: like this feels like a date, but whatever you need to.

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Speaker 1: Do having a laugh about it. Well for anyone listening

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Speaker 1: who you know, I mean, we have a loneliness epidemic

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Speaker 1: around us. Anyone listening who needs some little encouragement on

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Speaker 1: tips on how to find you know, some people that

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Speaker 1: they get on with, that they connect with, how can

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Speaker 1: we go about doing this?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean from our experience, we know.

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Speaker 3: I'm so glad that you've raised the loneliness epidemic because

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Speaker 3: we know that you can be surrounded by people and

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Speaker 3: still feel lonely, and that you can catch up with

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Speaker 3: some friends and not feel seen, and that you can

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Speaker 3: share your.

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Speaker 2: Your truths and not be heard.

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Speaker 3: So I think I think finding your people involved staying

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Speaker 3: open and taking risks. And also it's really I think

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Speaker 3: it's important for us to be clear about what we

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Speaker 3: love to do.

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Speaker 2: What do you love doing.

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Speaker 3: And how you value spending your time.

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Speaker 2: Go do that and then be willing to move towards

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Speaker 2: the people who love what you love.

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Speaker 3: I think also it would be remissive of me not

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Speaker 3: to say, you know, we've started a community.

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Speaker 2: Through the Oysters Sisters.

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Speaker 3: It's a growing global network of women and it's safe,

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Speaker 3: it's fun, it's inspiring, and it's a beautiful way to

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Speaker 3: make connections, not just the surface ones, but really deep

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Speaker 3: and meaningful ones. And I think the thing is that we,

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Speaker 3: you know, jem MEA and I, we go really deep

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Speaker 3: in our community.

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Speaker 2: We share it all.

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Speaker 4: We share our stories, our wobbly bits, the metaphorical ones,

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Speaker 4: of course, and our great and I think it gives

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Speaker 4: others permission to do the same and encourage others to

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Speaker 4: let their guards down, and it strengthens their sense of.

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Speaker 2: Self and their purpose.

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Speaker 3: And it's fun and it's powerful to grow and thrive together.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think you said, I think fun is

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Speaker 1: the other thing we have to remember it. You can

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Speaker 1: be vulnerable while having fun as well. Totally absolutely, Karen,

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Speaker 1: thank you for coming on Healthish. Next time you just

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Speaker 1: have that gut feeling that you and someone are connecting,

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Speaker 1: just ask them out for coffee. It sounds a bit weird,

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Speaker 1: it can be awkward, but do it. You never know

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Speaker 1: what will come out of it. And as we know,

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Speaker 1: the cornerstone of good health is well not only sleep,

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Speaker 1: but also friendships and relationships and building on those. I

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Speaker 1: will leave a link to Tarran's new venture Oayster Sisters

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Speaker 1: in the show notes. If you did enjoy this chat,

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Speaker 1: tell us rate and review this episode. Of course, subscribe

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Speaker 1: to Healthy Ish or Extra Healthy Ish bodyandsoul dot com.

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Speaker 1: Dot are you is a place to go if you

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Speaker 1: need more info, follow us on socials. Grab our print edition,

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Speaker 1: which is out in your local Sunday paper and until

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Speaker 1: tomorrow to healthy ish