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Speaker 1: Hey everyone, Carly Taylor here, welcome back to another Mojo Monday.

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Speaker 1: Here's a question for you. How much have you complained today?

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Speaker 1: It's really easy to fall into this trap of living

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Speaker 1: a complaint based life. And I even know people who,

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Speaker 1: even when everything is going well, they'll find something to

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Speaker 1: complain about. And then there are those people who are

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Speaker 1: the complete opposite and they don't like complaining about anything.

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Speaker 1: It's like you ask them how they are, and they're like,

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Speaker 1: everything's great and life's wonderful and amazing. And sometimes this

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Speaker 1: can actually lead to toxic positivity, and there's so much

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Speaker 1: pressure to always be happy and always to be positive,

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Speaker 1: which is not realistic because it's not the way life goes.

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Speaker 1: But going back to the complaining, it's really easy to

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Speaker 1: default into venting about our problems, which is often about

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Speaker 1: venting about other people. And we often also then about

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Speaker 1: stuff or complain about stuff that is so big that

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Speaker 1: we have no control over it. And the question to

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Speaker 1: ask is what is the outcome you are wanting by complaining?

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Speaker 1: So let's first look at why we complain, and it's

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Speaker 1: usually to then tell frustration, or maybe it's to elicit

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Speaker 1: sympathy or get attention. Or maybe it's to get a

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Speaker 1: feeling of solidarity with the person that you're complaining with.

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Speaker 1: And this can be a very self focused thing to do,

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Speaker 1: and often that focuses around being a victim, even though

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Speaker 1: we don't even realize that that's what we're doing. And

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Speaker 1: what happens is we're putting all our attention on the problem,

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Speaker 1: and we know that what we pay attention to, our

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Speaker 1: brains commit selves to. So it makes sense that complaining

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Speaker 1: can lead to feeling in a lower mood. It can

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Speaker 1: decrease our optimism, it can increase our negative emotion, and

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Speaker 1: if the complaining is about like political issues or world affairs,

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Speaker 1: it can leave us really believing that the world is

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Speaker 1: an unjust place and that there is no hope. So

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Speaker 1: the question is do you do that? So think about

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Speaker 1: the week that's just gone by. How much complaining have

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Speaker 1: you done or how much complaining have you been the

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Speaker 1: recipient of, and how did either of those affect you?

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Speaker 1: So did it make things better? Did it make things worse?

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Speaker 1: Or are you kind of indifferent about it? Because staying

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Speaker 1: in this space of complaining, what it often does is

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Speaker 1: it keeps us stuck in this negative void where we're

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Speaker 1: focusing on what's wrong or what's going or what's been wrong,

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Speaker 1: in stead of finding solutions to the problem, if there

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Speaker 1: are any solutions. And this is really important to practice

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Speaker 1: this skill of self awareness, because when we're not aware

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Speaker 1: of the impact of our own choices and behaviors as

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Speaker 1: perhaps having negative consequences to our own wellbeing and to others,

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Speaker 1: we can fall into being impulsive and reactive rather than

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Speaker 1: being considered and responsive in what we say, what we do,

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Speaker 1: and especially how we respond to our own negative thinking

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Speaker 1: or our own emotions. So you can feel how you feel,

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Speaker 1: you can think the thoughts, but you have a choice

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Speaker 1: whether or not you express those thoughts and feelings. If

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Speaker 1: you feel it's helpful, or if the complaining is then

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Speaker 1: followed up with a solution, then you choose to complain

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Speaker 1: and then work through it. You can choose your tone

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Speaker 1: of voice, you can choose how you treat others. You

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Speaker 1: are responsible for what you say and what you do.

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Speaker 1: So I'll give you an example which might seem a

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Speaker 1: bit trivial, but a lot of our complaints are trivial. Recently,

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Speaker 1: my house has been in a complete mess, so Paul

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Speaker 1: and I both went from home. Everyone's you know, everyone's

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Speaker 1: in the house using the kitchen. It's like I just

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Speaker 1: can't keep on top of the mess. He's been recovering

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Speaker 1: from surgery. Oscar wasn't well, so he was at home

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Speaker 1: from school, and my daughter left the UNI and she

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Speaker 1: just left a trail of destruction in her wake. And

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Speaker 1: so I had to dig deep. If I reacted to

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Speaker 1: my impulses here to complain or maybe yell, or to have,

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Speaker 1: you know, like an annoyed or perhaps angry tone in

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Speaker 1: my voice, I choose that reaction based on my emotion,

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Speaker 1: so I have to take full responsibility for that. I'm

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Speaker 1: very aware of my emotional reactions, so I'm very aware

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Speaker 1: of what's going on in my body, what's going on

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Speaker 1: on my mind. And this has been developed through years

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Speaker 1: of training. Don't get me wrong, I am far from perfect,

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Speaker 1: but in this example, I could get into solution mode.

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Speaker 1: So what I did is I did a reality check.

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Speaker 1: So the house is a mess. So what I did

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Speaker 1: is I popped the emotion aside, so it just sat

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Speaker 1: next to me and was just there. I wasn't getting

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Speaker 1: rid of it, I wasn't denying it. I wasn't trying

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Speaker 1: to change it. I just popped it aside so it

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Speaker 1: didn't engulf me, and I looked at the reality of

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Speaker 1: the situation through more pragmatic eyes. The house is a mess,

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Speaker 1: so this is an easy example because there's a solution.

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Speaker 1: Of course, I chatted with a family asked them to

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Speaker 1: pitch in more tidied up, and I also accepted that

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Speaker 1: my else is very lived in and that constantly cleaning

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Speaker 1: up is not a priority for me because I do

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Speaker 1: put other things in front of that. So I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to look at my messy house from a different perspective.

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Speaker 1: So this week I invite you to work on your

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Speaker 1: self awareness around complaining. Are you living a complaint based

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Speaker 1: life at the moment, notice your urge to complain. It's

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Speaker 1: like the complaining urge wave that you may need to surf.

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Speaker 1: So you know, the wave goes up and up and

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Speaker 1: up and up, and then it tapers down so you

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Speaker 1: can ride it, ride the complaints based urge wave without

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Speaker 1: getting swept up in it. So what is the reality

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Speaker 1: of the situation that you were complaining about? If you

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Speaker 1: were to just pop your emotions to the side just

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Speaker 1: for a moment and look at the situation through the

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Speaker 1: lens of reality, is there a solution, are you willing

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Speaker 1: to work towards that solution, or is there nothing that

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Speaker 1: you can do about it? So then you take the

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Speaker 1: responsibility as to whether you complain or not. Make that

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Speaker 1: choice based on something that is more than just venting.

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Speaker 1: Be solution focused. Otherwise, don't complain because there's a whole

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Speaker 1: lot of other stuff you could be doing in your

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Speaker 1: life than complaining about something that has no outcome. And

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Speaker 1: here's a challenge for you. Choose a day this week

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Speaker 1: and make it a complaint free day. So this is

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Speaker 1: a real challenge for me. I've done this before, and

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Speaker 1: I'm sure it's going to be a challenge for you

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Speaker 1: as well. Because if you set that intention today, I

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Speaker 1: Am not going to complain about anything. You're going to

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Speaker 1: notice that urge to playing. You're going to ride that

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Speaker 1: complaints wave and you're going to let it, tape it

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Speaker 1: down and put your attention onto something else. So good

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Speaker 1: luck with that. I hope you have a great week

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Speaker 1: and I will catch you next week. See ya.