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Speaker 1: In life.

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Speaker 2: We're going to a moment where we film minus ten

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Speaker 2: all the way through to plus ten as a well

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Speaker 2: being spectrum. There's a hell of a lot more to

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Speaker 2: life than just feeling okay. The goal is how do

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Speaker 2: we feel like we're fulfilled? How do we feel like

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Speaker 2: we are happy? How do we feel like we're contributing

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Speaker 2: to others? How do we look back on our life

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Speaker 2: and go, yeah, that was a life worth living?

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Speaker 3: Good?

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Speaker 4: Thanks for listening to the show. This is Better than Yesterday.

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Speaker 4: Useful tools and useful conversations to help make your day

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Speaker 4: to day better than yesterday every single weeks in twenty thirteen.

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Speaker 4: Min name is washing Ginsburg. I'm glad you're here today.

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Speaker 4: Got a question for you. How do you define happiness?

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Speaker 4: What are you doing in your life to try.

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Speaker 3: To get more of it? To pursue it? Even? How's

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Speaker 3: that going?

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Speaker 4: On this show we talk about a lot of ways

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Speaker 4: to empower ourselves to improve things in our lives. But

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Speaker 4: you know, whatever we're trying to work on, ultimately, we're

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Speaker 4: doing it to trying to be happier. Right, So what

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Speaker 4: if there was a way to approach being happier directly?

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Speaker 4: According to my guest today and the huge amount of

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Speaker 4: research that he's encountered.

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Speaker 3: There absolutely is.

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Speaker 4: Declan Edwards is a happiness researcher, a happiness coach, and

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Speaker 4: host of the podcast How to Be Happy. He's also

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Speaker 4: a founder of the BEU Happiness College. In case you

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Speaker 4: couldn't tell, his life's work is as being as clear

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Speaker 4: as he possibly can be about what makes us happy

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Speaker 4: and helping people realize that in their own lives. In

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Speaker 4: this conversation, we dive into a few very practical things

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Speaker 4: you can use today, including expanding what your definition of

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Speaker 4: happiness is, more productive ways to handle negative feelings that

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Speaker 4: might pop up. How the art of being happier is

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Speaker 4: made up of a certain set of skills which can

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Speaker 4: be practiced and developed and grown, the profound health impacts

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Speaker 4: of being happier, some tools to help you connect better

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Speaker 4: with other people, and as well as that, some of

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Speaker 4: the most important things you need to ensure your present

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Speaker 4: in your life right now, if you're to be happier

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Speaker 4: today and in the future.

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Speaker 3: All that, and we're.

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Speaker 4: Coming up on this episode today with Declan Edwards. We're

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Speaker 4: back with Declenn at the moment. All right, let's get

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Speaker 4: on with the show. Enjoy this conversation with Declan Edwards. Well,

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Speaker 4: it's a beautiful day that you join us here. How

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Speaker 4: do you do today, Declon, I'm doing well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: How do you end up as someone who researches happiness?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's a career path that definitely wasn't

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Speaker 2: offered to me in high school, that's for sure.

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Speaker 3: No, it was you're going to be in doctors or lawyers. Well,

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Speaker 3: the rest of you's going to build their houses. That's

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Speaker 3: pretty much it.

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Speaker 2: Or for me it was, hey, you seem to write

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Speaker 2: somewhat relatively better than we were expecting.

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Speaker 1: Go to university and do journalism.

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Speaker 2: So that was my start, was going to study journalism

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Speaker 2: and then being explicitly told that I was writing too

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Speaker 2: much good news and if I ever wanted to have

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Speaker 2: a serious career as a journalist, I needed to memorize

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Speaker 2: the saying, if it bleeds, it leads, otherwise I'd never

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Speaker 2: be respected in the field. So found myself questioning, do

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Speaker 2: I really want to do that for the rest of

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Speaker 2: my life? Is sort of exacerbating all the challenges of

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Speaker 2: humanity and shining a light on all the negatives of

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Speaker 2: the world. But I want to do something else and

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Speaker 2: decide I want to do something else, So off I

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Speaker 2: went to study a Bachelor of health and then had

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Speaker 2: no idea what to do with that because I wasn't

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Speaker 2: actually qualified at the end as either a physio or

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Speaker 2: a doctor or a dietitian. It was just this underlying

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Speaker 2: you know stuff about health. Now, I went, cool, what

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Speaker 2: do I do for a job? They went, that's for

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Speaker 2: you to figure out.

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Speaker 3: But here's a hex's dip exactly.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, here's by that point, thirty or forty thousand dollars

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Speaker 2: a debt can have fun and very thankfully for me,

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Speaker 2: I'd come across a few people during that time that

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Speaker 2: really formative part of my early twenties that seems to

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Speaker 2: be living a life that was quite genuine and authentic.

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Speaker 2: They seem to be quite happy, and I hadn't met

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Speaker 2: that many genuinely happy people at that point.

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Speaker 3: So you're working in journalism, of course.

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Speaker 1: They stood out to me.

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Speaker 2: I was like, what do you know that I don't,

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Speaker 2: And the amount of them that said, well, we've learning

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Speaker 2: about happiness science. Hold up, double take here, there is

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Speaker 2: a science of happiness. Why I'm I only hearing about

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Speaker 2: this now? And I found out that there was this

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Speaker 2: field called positive psychology, dedicated to the scientific understanding of

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Speaker 2: happiness and well being and what makes life worth living

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Speaker 2: and lo and behold, I could do it as a

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Speaker 2: postgraduate degree if I had an undergrad in either education,

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Speaker 2: business or health.

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Speaker 3: What do you know?

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Speaker 2: So the stars aligned, it was meant to be, and

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Speaker 2: I went, I think I'm going to go study that.

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Speaker 3: Now I'm going to be in a campus for a

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Speaker 3: little while. Long.

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Speaker 2: Where were you studying, Central Queensland University? So rocky, Well,

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Speaker 2: thankfully via correspondence, didn't have to move, which was good.

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Speaker 2: So at postgrad diploma in that, then the masters, and

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Speaker 2: then I have just next week I'll be submitting my

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Speaker 2: research proposal for eight more years of PhD work, So

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Speaker 2: I will be at a campus for a while. It's

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Speaker 2: going to be right, But I think I figured out

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Speaker 2: in total it's going to be twelve or thirteen years

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Speaker 2: of formalized study.

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Speaker 3: But at the end you'll be a doctor.

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Speaker 4: But not the kind that it's to get out of

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Speaker 4: the seat when they make the call on the plane.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, the kind that if I said yes

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Speaker 2: on the plane, I would be putting a lot of

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Speaker 2: people in really bad positions.

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Speaker 3: Have you tried being happier.

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Speaker 1: Have you learned about.

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Speaker 3: Happiness correlate?

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Speaker 2: Why don't we just focus on how bringthing and just

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Speaker 2: sort of like calm down our nervous system at the

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Speaker 2: moment everyone.

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Speaker 4: Do you remember as a younger person noticing that you

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Speaker 4: were happier than other people or.

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Speaker 1: Almost the opposite.

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Speaker 2: I think I was known as a happy person, but

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Speaker 2: it was a very false and forced happiness.

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Speaker 1: It was a I could play the role.

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Speaker 2: I look back now and think of my early years

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Speaker 2: as being what I call now as a human chameleon.

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Speaker 2: I could be really good at being what I thought

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Speaker 2: other people wanted me to be. I was kind of

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Speaker 2: the class clown. I could fit into any group in school.

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Speaker 2: But the trade off to that was I had no

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Speaker 2: bloody clue who I was anymore. I didn't know what

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Speaker 2: mattered to me, what my values were. And one of

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Speaker 2: my first mentors and now a really close friend of mine,

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Speaker 2: Sebastian Terry. He said to me in passing one time, like, hey,

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Speaker 2: you've told me you want more self confidence, self esteem,

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Speaker 2: self worth, self trust. I'm like, yeah, those all sound

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Speaker 2: really good. It's cool, So who's yourself? Because they all

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Speaker 2: start with the same way for a reason.

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Speaker 3: What does he know he's got two first names?

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Speaker 1: And I went, I don't know how to answer this.

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Speaker 1: This is a big question to ask.

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Speaker 2: I think at the time I was like nineteen or twenty,

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Speaker 2: I was like, that's a big question to ask.

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Speaker 4: When you started learning about the science of happiness, what

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Speaker 4: for you was the most like, oh, O, course kind

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Speaker 4: of thing that you kind of discovered.

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Speaker 2: The biggest one early on was the recognition that happiness

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Speaker 2: is not necessarily the automatic outcome of success or accomplishment.

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Speaker 2: I think for myself, I was very much raised and

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Speaker 2: I see a lot of people now in the belief

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Speaker 2: of we call it in the research the hedonic treadmill

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Speaker 2: or the I'll be happy when trap, but anything you

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Speaker 2: want after it. I'll be happy when I get to

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Speaker 2: pay your rise, change jobs, lose weights, move house, anything.

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Speaker 2: So we're always chasing happiness around next accomplishment, and we

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Speaker 2: get there and we enjoy it for a moment or two,

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Speaker 2: if at all, and then we sat the next benchmark

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Speaker 2: and I had realized that I'd spent many years chasing

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Speaker 2: happiness in the pursuit of happiness, but I'm actually experiencing

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Speaker 2: it now. And that was a big realization away up call,

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Speaker 2: and so to dive into some of the research on

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Speaker 2: that and go, well, hang on, it actually seems to

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Speaker 2: be the opposite that when people learn how to manage

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Speaker 2: their mind and emotions a bit more effectively, when people

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Speaker 2: learn how to form stronger relationships with others, when people

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Speaker 2: learn all these other things that are associated with happiness,

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Speaker 2: they tend to be more successful long term as well,

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Speaker 2: Like success is perhaps actually better pursued as an outcome

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Speaker 2: of happiness rather than the other like around.

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Speaker 4: I did a whole podcast about the hedonic treadmill, called

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Speaker 4: it When I then I just identifying it to myself. Ah,

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Speaker 4: you know, like, oh, I've got better when I then

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Speaker 4: I hear how do I deal with that? So if

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Speaker 4: people recognize that, we should probably you know, get a

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Speaker 4: bit of definition here. I understand what sadness feels like,

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Speaker 4: and I understand what happiness feels like, and I am

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Speaker 4: wired to want one more than the other.

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Speaker 3: What are we actually talking about when we're talking about happiness?

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Speaker 2: So when I talk about happiness, and when a lot

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Speaker 2: of researchers and happiness scientists talk about it, we talk

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Speaker 2: about it more as an emotional umbrella term. So rather

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Speaker 2: than thinking of happiness just as pleasure or like dopamine

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Speaker 2: driven joy, which is when you talk in Western context

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Speaker 2: in Australia, UK US and you say what is happiness,

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Speaker 2: people tend to think of this really fleeting feeling goes

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Speaker 2: up really quickly, drops down really quickly. That's true, there

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Speaker 2: are a bunch of feelings that would sit under that category.

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Speaker 2: But there's also a bunch of feelings like contentment, like meaning,

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Speaker 2: like purpose, like calm, like serenity. These are also feelings

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Speaker 2: that would sit under that emotional umbrella of happiness. So

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Speaker 2: there's a great resource called the feelings will. Like Gloria

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Speaker 2: Wilcox in the seventies was the first put it forward.

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Speaker 2: It kind of has seven primary emotions in the middle,

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Speaker 2: and you work your way outwards, and so a great

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Speaker 2: tool to learn emotional complexity and learn emotional nuance and

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Speaker 2: be able to describe our emotions more effectively. There's one

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Speaker 2: part of that WHILL that's just dedicated to here are

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Speaker 2: the ones that feel nice, and therefore our brain wants

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Speaker 2: them more often, but it doesn't want them as much

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Speaker 2: as it wants to avoid the ones that feel painful.

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Speaker 2: And I think that was another big realization for me

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Speaker 2: was the pursuit of happiness is actually not as strong

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Speaker 2: or determinant in our decisions and behaviors as the avoidance

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Speaker 2: of pain or loss. At the end of the day,

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Speaker 2: your brain doesn't give a shit if you're happy. That's

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Speaker 2: not its focus, that's not its goal. It cares that

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Speaker 2: you're alive, and so it will do some pretty creative

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Speaker 2: And I've done this before plenty of times my life.

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Speaker 2: I still do it even as a happiness researcher. It

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Speaker 2: would do some pretty creative things to avoid the potential

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Speaker 2: of pain or loss that might end up actually robbing

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Speaker 2: you of happiness as well.

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Speaker 3: And possibly cause you more pain or loss.

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Speaker 4: That you don't down the line exactly, I understand it's happening.

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Speaker 3: Avoidance is.

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Speaker 4: It's a survival mechanism, and we if we're not aware

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Speaker 4: that we're doing, we may not realize that we're making

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Speaker 4: such a short term decision which is going to trap

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Speaker 4: us in a cul de sack, and then now we're cracky.

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Speaker 4: We're here again. I didn't realize. I don't know why.

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Speaker 4: I don't know what to do. I'll go out here

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Speaker 4: to turn right, turn right, turn right to right. Oh,

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Speaker 4: I'm here again.

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Speaker 3: We might not realize it was stuck in that.

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Speaker 4: If we do find ourselves in that space, is happiness

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Speaker 4: the antidote to that.

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Speaker 2: I think cultivating happiness in a broader perspective is the

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Speaker 2: inswert to that. So again, if we over rely on

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Speaker 2: joy or pleasure as our approach to happiness, it's unrealistic

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Speaker 2: to say that those feelings are going to exist in

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Speaker 2: every experience in life. I would never go to someone

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Speaker 2: who is going through a moment of deep grief and say, hey,

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Speaker 2: the goal right now is to cultivate joy. Like ah,

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Speaker 2: what a deeply dehumanizing thing to do, and like invalidating

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Speaker 2: thing about someone's experience.

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Speaker 3: Leave me a learn Marie condover.

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Speaker 2: Right exactly like get out of here. But if we

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Speaker 2: expand our definition of happiness to go, well, hang on,

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Speaker 2: there's all these other feelings like connection, for example, Well,

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Speaker 2: I know that in chapters of grief and loss, when

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Speaker 2: I've lost a loved one in my life, I've also

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Speaker 2: felt intense and beautifully deep connection to other people around

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Speaker 2: me and connection to the person that I've lost. So

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Speaker 2: when we expand our definition of happiness, we start to

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Speaker 2: go hang on, I can experience little bits of happiness,

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Speaker 2: almost like a you know, the silver lining on a

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Speaker 2: storm cloud example. I can find and cultivate little bits

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Speaker 2: of happiness even in parts of life that I wouldn't

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Speaker 2: have expected it. Even if I'm feeling really stressed, really overwhelmed,

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Speaker 2: really exhausted, if I'm having a moment where I'm feeling anxious,

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Speaker 2: there's are we some form of happiness still there and present.

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Speaker 2: It's human beings. We get to be emotionally complex. We

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Speaker 2: don't have to just feel one emotion at a time.

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Speaker 2: We get to have a I don't I don't drink,

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Speaker 2: so I call it an emotional mocktail, or rather an

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Speaker 2: emotional cocktail.

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Speaker 1: But again, experience a blend. That's my beautiful.

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Speaker 4: You mentioned that our brains are kind of wired to

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Speaker 4: they're basically word for our survival, to keep us safe.

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Speaker 4: That involves avoiding things that we think might cause us pain.

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Speaker 4: Happiness is only one part of what it is to

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Speaker 4: be human. That discomfort is also a part of being human,

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Speaker 4: because that you know, not necessarily all avoidance is bad.

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Speaker 4: We should learn from it. You know, touching the hot

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Speaker 4: plate not fun. I need to learn from this, and

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Speaker 4: you know I've made a poor decision and I broke

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Speaker 4: someone's heart. Now they're looking at me and crying, Oh well,

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Speaker 4: what was happening?

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Speaker 3: Now?

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Speaker 4: What's this feeling inside me? You know, you know it

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Speaker 4: helps us, informs our choices. What's the idea about, you know,

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Speaker 4: how happiness balances out with the rest of these feelings

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Speaker 4: that make us human.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so I don't believe in the concept of good

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Speaker 2: and bad emotions. I think we've entered a bit of

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Speaker 2: an error on Instagram and TikTok almost of like toxic

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Speaker 2: positivity of you know, just find gratitude everywhere. I'm like, look, yes,

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Speaker 2: gratitude is a good practice, But to your point, all

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Speaker 2: these other emotions are also valuable. They're trying to tell

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Speaker 2: us something. I'm much more of a fan and maybe

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Speaker 2: an oversimplification of how complex our emotions are. But I

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Speaker 2: like the approach of we have the emotions that would

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Speaker 2: fit under the happiness umbrella term, and we have the

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Speaker 2: emotions that would sit maybe more under the challenging the term,

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Speaker 2: Like they're challenging to sit with, they're challenging to wade

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Speaker 2: through and to unpack and explore. And this brings me

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Speaker 2: back to I don't know if you've come across a

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Speaker 2: Victor Frankel's work, The Man's Search for Meaning. Yes, so

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Speaker 2: great great man, great research, great contributor to our understanding

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Speaker 2: of the psyche and the human experience. But he's got

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Speaker 2: these great quote that says, challenge without meaning is suffering,

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Speaker 2: but challenge with meaning is growth. And so for me,

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Speaker 2: if I go, well, at the moment I'm meeting a

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Speaker 2: challenging feeling, be it regret, sadness, sorrow, anxiety, whatever it

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Speaker 2: may be, overwhelm if I can find meaning in that

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Speaker 2: challenging feeling, either by being curious about it and going, well,

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Speaker 2: what might I be trying to tell me? What's the

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Speaker 2: lesson here? What do I need to hear from this right?

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Speaker 2: Or by just allowing myself to feel and experience it.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes I don't even need to make sense of it.

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Speaker 2: I don't need to hyper rationalize my feelings. I can

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Speaker 2: just experience them and go, oh, turns out I just

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Speaker 2: had to feel it. It would pass. I need to stop

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Speaker 2: wrestling with it so much. If I can just meet

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Speaker 2: it with that sort of curiosity rather than judgment, rather

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Speaker 2: than labeling it as bad, If I can find that

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Speaker 2: the meaning in the challenge allows me to live a

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Speaker 2: much richer life. Even when those happy feelings under the

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Speaker 2: happiness un brother term aren't the primary feeling at the time,

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Speaker 2: they're still there. There's a silver lining they might be

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Speaker 2: the primary ones. The primary ones still have meaning and purpose.

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Speaker 4: Too, because when we're not doing well, and I certainly

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Speaker 4: know this from my own experience, that those happiness feelings,

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Speaker 4: those little quadrant of feelings you mentioned before, they may

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Speaker 4: as well be locked away in a safe that you

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Speaker 4: don't know the combination for. You know that there's some,

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Speaker 4: but you just can't access them, and it takes In

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Speaker 4: my experience, it took a fair amount of work to

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Speaker 4: start to even just notice that they were there again

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Speaker 4: and then reaching out to touch and we.

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Speaker 3: Took a couple of months in some cases longer.

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Speaker 4: So when you know, as we're going through our life,

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Speaker 4: we want to keep we want to eat right, we

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Speaker 4: want to keep relatively physically flexible and physically fit, we

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Speaker 4: want to make sure you get good sleep, what do

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Speaker 4: you think that what does a science show us about

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Speaker 4: things that we can do which will keep these happiness

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Speaker 4: emotions accessible and these kind of other feelings around so

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Speaker 4: that they can be there at the same time as

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Speaker 4: when the darkest stuff's.

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Speaker 2: Here, perhaps before I share, because there's five or six

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Speaker 2: key things that are the most important, so you can

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Speaker 2: sort of unpack and talk about and discuss. But before

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Speaker 2: I do, I want to highlight for anyone listening to

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Speaker 2: our conversation, and maybe as a reminder for myself as well.

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Speaker 2: You're going to stuff it up, guaranteed. It's like learning

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Speaker 2: any skills of parenting. Yeah, you're not going to get

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Speaker 2: I think that was something I had to wrestle with.

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Speaker 2: You know, I've been studying happiness now for over ten years.

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Speaker 2: I've been running a happiness college for seven and there

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Speaker 2: are plenty of times where I love oftimes where I go, geez,

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Speaker 2: I'm really struggling to tap into happiness at the moment. Geez,

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Speaker 2: I'm not feeling good.

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Speaker 1: Geez.

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Speaker 2: All these things I would advise others to practice, I'm

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Speaker 2: not practicing, And to me a long time to meet

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Speaker 2: myself with the understanding and compassion of I am a

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Speaker 2: human being first and a happiness research a second. And

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Speaker 2: I hope now that i'm a father, I get to

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Speaker 2: raise you know, by son with the perspective that I'm

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Speaker 2: a human being first and a father.

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Speaker 3: Second, we're going to stuff it up. We're going to

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Speaker 3: we're going to get it wrong.

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Speaker 4: And having some empathy for ourselves can be difficult if

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Speaker 4: dumb has ever really considered that, because we can be

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Speaker 4: we're harder.

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Speaker 3: On ourselves than anybody else's on us.

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Speaker 4: Definitely, where do you access that empathy for yourself where

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Speaker 4: you know you've just found this place of like, oh,

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Speaker 4: I'm a human being first, and you know then a

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Speaker 4: happiness research a second.

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Speaker 3: That might seem people listening going, oh, that's.

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Speaker 4: All good, well and good for you know, how would

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Speaker 4: you recommend people kind of access that?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, I'm a big fan of There's a researcher

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Speaker 2: who specializes in compassion and so I'll refer to her work.

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Speaker 2: Dr Kristin Neff has spent her life studying compassionate career

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Speaker 2: studying compassion and I was fortunate to connect with Christen

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Speaker 2: a few years ago and she shared this perspective and

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Speaker 2: compassion of just allowing ourselves to start by saying, this

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Speaker 2: is a moment of suffering, or this is a moment

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Speaker 2: of chance, just naming it first, right, This is a

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Speaker 2: moment of anxiety, This is a moment of frustration, whatever

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Speaker 2: it may be, just to say this is here. Second one,

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Speaker 2: it is normal to have this moment of this. We

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Speaker 2: are going to experience it in life. We're probably going

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Speaker 2: to experience it again. It's not the first time, it's

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Speaker 2: not the last time. And then it familiarizes ourself with it,

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Speaker 2: and from there we can practice what's called the mindful

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Speaker 2: compassionate mind or the compassionate voice, which is had a

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Speaker 2: friend or loved one come to you with the same thing,

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Speaker 2: what would I be sharing with them right now? I

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Speaker 2: think so often we meet others with compassion. I hope

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Speaker 2: we meet people with compassion. Depending on what you see

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Speaker 2: in the world these days, we might be losing that skill.

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Speaker 2: But we meet others with compassionate more easily than we

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Speaker 2: meet ourselves with compassion. So for me to just be

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Speaker 2: able to go, what would I say to my wife

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Speaker 2: or my friend or a family member who was coming

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Speaker 2: through with this challenge after I've had that moment to go,

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Speaker 2: this moment suffering, it's completely normal to have that. What

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Speaker 2: advice want to give someone else? It's just enough to

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Speaker 2: give a little bit of breathing room so I'm not

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Speaker 2: stuck in the world, or sometimes I think of these

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Speaker 2: big emotions and these big moments where I really frustrate

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Speaker 2: ourself in our minds, saying all these terrible things about ourself.

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Speaker 1: As this might age me a little bit.

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Speaker 2: But the face hugger from the movie Alien, it kind

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Speaker 2: of like latches onto and you can't see what's around

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Speaker 2: You don't have any perspective, and so just being able

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Speaker 2: to go, okay, this is a moment of suffering. It's

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Speaker 2: normal to have a moment suffering. I will have more

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Speaker 2: of these in the future. I've had them in the past.

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Speaker 2: Doesn't get rid of the feeling that's important. We're not

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Speaker 2: trying to fight. It doesn't throw those thoughts out of

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Speaker 2: our brain. It just gives us enough breathing room to

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Speaker 2: get perspective.

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Speaker 4: Mind followers can get a bad rap. People might think

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Speaker 4: that there's linen involved when you talk about talking about mindfulness.

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Speaker 4: I've got to walk slowly through a field meadow of

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Speaker 4: long grass, and here are gong otherwise has not? Mindfulness

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Speaker 4: is just noticing. It's just as you mentioned, it's just noticing,

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Speaker 4: just going what's this?

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Speaker 3: Let me curious about here? What's happening here? Oh? I

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Speaker 3: feel a bit weird my tummy? Oh why is that.

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Speaker 4: Okay, that's what that is. Okay, And once you've done that,

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Speaker 4: you've you've pulled the observing mind away from the thinking

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Speaker 4: mine and just getting practice doing that. I found has

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Speaker 4: as you mentioned it, at least fifty per of the

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Speaker 4: gets taken out of the pain.

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Speaker 2: And it's so much easier to deal with a five

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Speaker 2: out of ten if we're taking fifty percent, I can

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Speaker 2: deal with a five out of ten anxiety ten out

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Speaker 2: of that anxiety.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's tough. Yeah, that's tough.

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Speaker 4: When you're in ten out of ten, Your your decisions

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Speaker 4: and your choices are being run by that ye, and

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Speaker 4: you have no kind of white angle lens.

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Speaker 3: On the thinking out. Conversely, I have.

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Speaker 4: Experienced moments of well that really moments let's call them

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Speaker 4: what they really were, the episodes of incredible elation, inhumanly

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Speaker 4: high levels of elation beyond happiness, which is as equally

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Speaker 4: dangerous to be in that space, because that could be

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Speaker 4: the thing that we think we're chasing. Yeah, we can

440
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:17,760
Speaker 4: think where you think we're chasing this moment where everything

441
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,120
Speaker 4: is perfect and nothing matters and you can do no wrong.

442
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:24,320
Speaker 3: But that's happiness. Isn't really a permanent state? Is it.

443
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:28,600
Speaker 2: No, No, it's I think of it more as I'm

444
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:31,720
Speaker 2: driving a bus. All the emotions that are available to

445
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:33,320
Speaker 2: me as a human being are somewhere on the bus.

446
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:35,960
Speaker 2: My job is not to kick emotions off the bus.

447
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,719
Speaker 2: Will fight them. I can try, and if anyone has

448
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,240
Speaker 2: fought their mind or their emotions before, you'd know that

449
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,280
Speaker 2: you normally lose and it's pretty exhausting, and they just

450
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:45,439
Speaker 2: come back louder. My job's to your point to be mindful,

451
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,919
Speaker 2: which is again just presence and curious, to be present,

452
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,679
Speaker 2: be curious, and go which emotions are sitting at the

453
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:52,199
Speaker 2: front of the bus today? And I can hear them

454
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,159
Speaker 2: a bit more loudly because they're right behind me, and

455
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:55,800
Speaker 2: you know, I'm in the driver's seat. I can hear,

456
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,159
Speaker 2: you know, confidence or pride right behind me say that

457
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,919
Speaker 2: feels really nice? Who's up the back of the bus.

458
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,399
Speaker 2: And then is there anything that I can practice the

459
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,439
Speaker 2: support I can get to their tools I can do

460
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:10,159
Speaker 2: or exercises I can do that can help shift that

461
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,720
Speaker 2: balance and be like, okay, well do I want to

462
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,480
Speaker 2: move certain emotions for the back on the bus? Do

463
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,159
Speaker 2: I want one pull one further forward? And you know,

464
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:17,520
Speaker 2: half of the battle.

465
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:17,720
Speaker 1: There.

466
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,800
Speaker 2: Half of the game is, yes, learn how to manage

467
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,359
Speaker 2: the challenging and difficult emotions. Other half has learned how

468
00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:25,399
Speaker 2: to savor and extend and marinate in the good moments

469
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:26,560
Speaker 2: so they're not so fleeting.

470
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:31,520
Speaker 4: Speaking of marination, the idea that stress and difficult to

471
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:34,720
Speaker 4: deal with emotions are bad for our health is fairly obvious.

472
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:38,200
Speaker 4: What are the health impacts of we are when we're

473
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:41,160
Speaker 4: happy or when we deliberately choose to try to increase

474
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,719
Speaker 4: the levels of contentment and happiness that we feel at

475
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,360
Speaker 4: least have them more balanced with the difficult emotions.

476
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:50,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I forget who first on this film. I feel

477
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,440
Speaker 2: like it was Daniel Gilbert. He's got a great book

478
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,360
Speaker 2: called Stumbling upon Happiness, which I think it was from.

479
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:58,200
Speaker 2: I may have got that wrong, but there was research

480
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,440
Speaker 2: to show that optimism, so having enough actually more hopeful.

481
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,359
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna say natural, i' gonna say cultivating a

482
00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:07,159
Speaker 2: more hopeful positive viewpoint of life. Again, not to the

483
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 2: point where we're trying to bullshit ourselves and like everything's

484
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,840
Speaker 2: always sunshine and rainbowts it's not. But just being able

485
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:15,040
Speaker 2: to have that sense of okay, things will work out.

486
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,320
Speaker 2: This isn't gonna last forever. We can move through this.

487
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,880
Speaker 2: If I'm doing something new and scary, chances are it's

488
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:21,200
Speaker 2: going to go good.

489
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 1: Not bad. It's more likely that'll go well.

490
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,640
Speaker 2: That perspective on life, that mindset, which is so much

491
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:32,840
Speaker 2: more correlated with happiness, was associated with people living like

492
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 2: eight to nine years longer. Wow, the trade off, and

493
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 2: I do think it was done.

494
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:38,160
Speaker 1: You're good with that said.

495
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:41,480
Speaker 2: This was at the time a lot of the research

496
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,760
Speaker 2: around smoking was that giving up smoking would save you

497
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,920
Speaker 2: about five or six years. And so the joke you

498
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,679
Speaker 2: used to say was if you take away smoking from

499
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,920
Speaker 2: someone but they end up remarkably pessimistic and they lose

500
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,679
Speaker 2: all their hope because of it, you've actually made a

501
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:56,840
Speaker 2: bad trade. You've lost three years net in it. So,

502
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 2: and we see this again in like the longest study

503
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:01,800
Speaker 2: ever it done. It's still going to this day, the

504
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,600
Speaker 2: Harvard Longitudinal Study. It's up to its fourth or fifth director.

505
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:08,280
Speaker 2: I remember the name of doctor Robert Woldinger. It's studied

506
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,480
Speaker 2: what makes people happy and healthy later in life. The

507
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,000
Speaker 2: number one contributor, time and time and time again. They've

508
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 2: tested this for over eighty years. The number one contributor

509
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,639
Speaker 2: to how healthy and happy we feel later in life

510
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,720
Speaker 2: has nothing to with our diet, nothing to do with exercise,

511
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,160
Speaker 2: nothing to with our genetics, nothing to do with our

512
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:28,159
Speaker 2: financial success, nothing through our career. It's our quality of

513
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:32,080
Speaker 2: connection to other people. It's our relationships. Our happiness is

514
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,960
Speaker 2: so intertwined with other people's happiness, and I think we're

515
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,400
Speaker 2: losing sight of that in a world where self help

516
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,919
Speaker 2: is such a big industry of this is what you

517
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,480
Speaker 2: need to do different as an individual to make your

518
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,320
Speaker 2: life better and to focus on your happiness when so

519
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:47,840
Speaker 2: much of the research says, actually the best thing you

520
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:49,879
Speaker 2: could possibly do to live a happier life is have

521
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,440
Speaker 2: really good connections with other people and contribute to the

522
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:53,400
Speaker 2: other people's happiness.

523
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 3: And we'll be back with more self help with doctor Decklein.

524
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:04,440
Speaker 4: I during out time, your time, well, if you eight years,

525
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,119
Speaker 4: I'll just need to get a little bit happier.

526
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:06,800
Speaker 3: So I make it.

527
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,240
Speaker 4: A quick break from decline to say, if you're enjoying

528
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,639
Speaker 4: this podcast, please share it with somebody, or rate it

529
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:16,280
Speaker 4: or follow it. If you want to support the work

530
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 4: that I do, please buy my new book. Actually both

531
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,160
Speaker 4: books are on sale right now. Once again you'll find

532
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:22,679
Speaker 4: a link in the show notes. So what now, what

533
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 4: is out now? And Back after the Break is back

534
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:25,879
Speaker 4: in print. If you want to grab a copy of

535
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 4: my first book, both those are on audiobooks as well

536
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 4: the links in the show notes. If you want to

537
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 4: come say hi. Every month we do a live storytelling

538
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 4: show called story Club in Sydney the Factory Theater. October

539
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,440
Speaker 4: the twelfth is the next one. You'll find a link

540
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:38,919
Speaker 4: in the show notes for that as well. Back with

541
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 4: declin in just a moment, our quality of our connection

542
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:52,440
Speaker 4: with other people, which seems to be a struggle when

543
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:56,919
Speaker 4: we live in a world where I can if I

544
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 4: want not have to leave my house for anything.

545
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,280
Speaker 2: Connection and community the price of access to that. So

546
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 2: the price of having connection and community in your life

547
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:10,159
Speaker 2: is inconvenience. If I want to have genuinely meaningful connections

548
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:12,399
Speaker 2: to other people, it means I need to deal with

549
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:15,159
Speaker 2: some inconveniences. Sometimes it means I'm going to have to

550
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 2: be compassionate and patient towards them when they don't necessarily act.

551
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:18,919
Speaker 1: In a way that I like.

552
00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 2: It means I might have my perfect plans for the week,

553
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 2: but if a friend has asked me to step in

554
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,040
Speaker 2: and help out with something. My perfect plans are going

555
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,760
Speaker 2: to need to shift, and part of me worries that

556
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:32,920
Speaker 2: in the pursuit of a very convenient society, where things

557
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 2: are instantly accessible, where we can just get them, we've

558
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:40,199
Speaker 2: lost the importance of going through the inconvenience of building

559
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:41,880
Speaker 2: really meaningful relationships.

560
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,719
Speaker 4: So many interesting things you just said that have parallels

561
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:49,200
Speaker 4: to the shall we say, the Super Secret Sober Club

562
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:53,439
Speaker 4: that I'm a part of. Being of service is a

563
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:57,480
Speaker 4: big part of that. And there's an instant community. You know,

564
00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 4: if you first try to stop drinking, they just say, look,

565
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 4: get to you know this many meetings and this many

566
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 4: days might be more than.

567
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,640
Speaker 3: Eighty and less than one hundred somewhere in the middle there.

568
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:10,840
Speaker 4: And what happens is you've kind of instantly got other

569
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:13,160
Speaker 4: people you're seeing all the time, people who understand where

570
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 4: you are, where you want to go, where you want

571
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 4: to get to, people who are where you want to be,

572
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 4: people who will listen, and you know, a good cup

573
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:24,359
Speaker 4: of tea. And there's also inside of that, there is

574
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,920
Speaker 4: the element that you've shown from the very first day

575
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 4: you show up, is like, be of service, mate, be

576
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:31,959
Speaker 4: of service, and the first thing I said to was like,

577
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:36,879
Speaker 4: if it's convenient, it doesn't count YEP. If you're going

578
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:40,160
Speaker 4: to be of servers, like say you're pulling out chairs

579
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:43,239
Speaker 4: before a meeting or packing them chairs away, or you know,

580
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 4: someone calls you see the phone and you've got their

581
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 4: numberage phone and it's like, oh, that's a name. I

582
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:49,440
Speaker 4: put a little code in there to know that's where

583
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,159
Speaker 4: I met them. Like I'll stop everything, even though I'm

584
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 4: in the middle of something, and I'll talk to them.

585
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 4: It's inconvenient for me to take ten minutes out of

586
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 4: my day, but I know this is what I need

587
00:25:59,560 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 4: to do.

588
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,160
Speaker 3: And what do you know? It works?

589
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 4: The connection thing and the inconvenient service part. How do

590
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 4: we access that in our lives outside of these kind

591
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,640
Speaker 4: of whether they be a community like the one I'm

592
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 4: a part of, or a religious practice.

593
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 1: I think.

594
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,120
Speaker 2: To the point we made before about learning to meet

595
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,640
Speaker 2: our emotions more effectively, we said, be curious with them,

596
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,600
Speaker 2: not judgmental towards them. We can do the same thing

597
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 2: with other people, be remarkably curious about other people. There's

598
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 2: a beautiful term called sonder and sonda means the deep

599
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:40,720
Speaker 2: and profound realization that everybody else is living a life

600
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 2: equally as complex and valid as yours. So everybody else

601
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,159
Speaker 2: out there is the main character of their own life.

602
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 2: They're not just side characters in your life. I know

603
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 2: we like to cast ourselves as the center character and

604
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 2: go my problems are bigger than everyone else is, and

605
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,800
Speaker 2: no one's going to understand. My goals are more important

606
00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 2: than everyone else is, and no one can help me.

607
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:02,479
Speaker 4: I'm an NPC, right, yeah, we all are in other

608
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:04,840
Speaker 4: people PC as far as anyone else is doing on

609
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:05,200
Speaker 4: an MPH.

610
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 5: So for a fact that I have like a fleeting

611
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 5: side character and shited thousands of people, so there are

612
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:12,560
Speaker 5: going to be people listening to this conversation who I

613
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:16,120
Speaker 5: am but a passing, fleeting side character moment. I hope

614
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 5: I can contribute something about side character moment. But this

615
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:23,119
Speaker 5: practice of sonder of going ah, everyone else has this

616
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,359
Speaker 5: really complex in a world as well that I have,

617
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 5: And they have goals and frustrations and challenges. What would

618
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,639
Speaker 5: happen if we got curious about those? And connection is

619
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:34,119
Speaker 5: simply built through what we have in common, that's it.

620
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 5: So whether it be we have values in common, we

621
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 5: have shared goals, we have shared backgrounds, shared challenges, shared language,

622
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:46,200
Speaker 5: shared culture, shared programs and processes, whatever it may be.

623
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,320
Speaker 2: When we have this in common with each other, that's

624
00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:52,919
Speaker 2: where connection is sparked. So get really curious about finding

625
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 2: what you have in common with people, you know, spark

626
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 2: up a conversation with someone when you're standing on the

627
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,879
Speaker 2: train and just get curious about their life, right, find

628
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:00,600
Speaker 2: way to go.

629
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:01,920
Speaker 1: What is it that we have in common?

630
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 2: And if you're strugging to fin we have in common

631
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:06,800
Speaker 2: shared sense of humanity, Like, we have so much more

632
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 2: in common. I think we're becoming Unfortunately, we're seeing this

633
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:13,800
Speaker 2: play out on the global stage now and increasing division

634
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,159
Speaker 2: and people going, well, you have different beliefs to me.

635
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,000
Speaker 2: Therefore we can't sit down and have conversation. Will be

636
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:21,359
Speaker 2: friends because you're morally wrong, because the difference is in

637
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 2: our beliefs. That doesn't bridge the challenge that we're having

638
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 2: with loneliness, the challenge that we're having with disconnection, the

639
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:33,639
Speaker 2: challenge that we're having with isolation. There's a beautiful quote

640
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 2: that says it's hard to hate up close. Yeah, when

641
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:38,920
Speaker 2: we get really close to people, when we sit down

642
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 2: with them, we go, oh, we actually have a hell

643
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 2: of a lot more in common that I thought.

644
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, like, we've got so much more in common than

645
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 4: we don't. But it can be hard because we are, unfortunately,

646
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 4: we have been conditioned to be more and more in

647
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 4: the last twenty years or so, reacting so in such

648
00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 4: volatility to anything that doesn't absolutely align with not even

649
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:04,480
Speaker 4: how we feel, but the ideal version of how we

650
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:07,000
Speaker 4: think we should be. As you know you mentioned before,

651
00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 4: get us in a whole bunch of shit. You're a

652
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 4: coach of happiness, Like, what's the difference between our happiness

653
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 4: coach and a psychologists. I can go to psychologist as

654
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 4: say I'm not very happy and they can go all right,

655
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 4: let's talk to cognitive behavior.

656
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 3: What's the first thing you do when you sit down

657
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 3: with someone?

658
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, if I was to absolute simplify it and say,

659
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:25,360
Speaker 2: you know, in life, we're going to a moment where

660
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 2: we feel minus ten all the way through to plus

661
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 2: ten as a well being spectrum, So much of our

662
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 2: approach to mental health care in Australia. I'm glad it's

663
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 2: come so far over the last twenty thirty years, but

664
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 2: so much of it is still focused on how do

665
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 2: we help people who are minus ten get back to

666
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 2: neutral and functioning and surviving and feeling okay. Yeah, we

667
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,479
Speaker 2: have a whole national campaign for it every year are

668
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:45,719
Speaker 2: You Okay Day, which just happened.

669
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:46,080
Speaker 3: Yeah.

670
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 2: The goal is okay, and I'm glad we've focused on

671
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 2: that and we've gone to there. But I also think

672
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 2: there's a hell of a lot more to life than

673
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 2: just feeling okay. The goal is how do we feel

674
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 2: like we're fulfilled? How do we feel like we are happy?

675
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:58,719
Speaker 2: How do we feel like we're contributing to others? How

676
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 2: do we look back on our life and go, so, yeah,

677
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 2: that was a life worth living, and that doesn't happen

678
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 2: from just getting too okay.

679
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 1: So we've got this.

680
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 2: Approach, you know, in clinical psychology and therapy and counseling,

681
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:12,160
Speaker 2: which is so fantastic for that. And then a lot

682
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:13,560
Speaker 2: of people get to that point and then go okay,

683
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:17,000
Speaker 2: but now what what comes next? And so for me,

684
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,080
Speaker 2: I got really curio about the idea of opening a

685
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,360
Speaker 2: college that was focused on the skills that made people

686
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 2: happier humans, not the skills that made people better employees,

687
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:30,040
Speaker 2: not reactively, not just when chit's hit the fan, but proactively,

688
00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 2: because I genuinely want to try to live as good

689
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:34,320
Speaker 2: of a life as I can. So that's the dream,

690
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:35,800
Speaker 2: that's the goals. So what happens when people come there

691
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 2: is we go, okay, well, what skills you need to learn.

692
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 2: It's a skills focused approach, a strengths focused approach, and

693
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 2: a future focused approach. So you know, people on my

694
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 2: team who work at the college, when we're interested necessarily

695
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 2: in going back and do all that stuff in the past,

696
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 2: will refer out for that and go, hey, go see

697
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 2: a clinical side, go work with a counselor or therapist.

698
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 2: That's still important work. We're much more interested in what

699
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 2: are we doing with the years that you have ahead

700
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:57,280
Speaker 2: of you, and what are the skills that you need

701
00:30:57,320 --> 00:31:00,200
Speaker 2: to learn internally to help you, more often than not

702
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:02,240
Speaker 2: show up as a happier, more fulfilled version of yourself

703
00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 2: in those years you have left. It might be you

704
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:06,120
Speaker 2: need to learn a bit of self compassion. It might

705
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 2: be you need to learn emotional literacy and just being

706
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 2: able to name your emotions to start with. It might

707
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,120
Speaker 2: be you need to learn resilience and grant and you know,

708
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 2: learn how to find meaning in tough times. We teach

709
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,480
Speaker 2: seventy different skills of happiness the college zero seventy.

710
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 1: Yeahka, so there's there's.

711
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:22,239
Speaker 2: An abundance of them. Yeah, right, And I don't say

712
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 2: to anyone that you need to master all them. It's

713
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,800
Speaker 2: kind of like learning a language, you know, I don't

714
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:27,800
Speaker 2: need to learn every single word in Spanish to have

715
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 2: a conversation with someone, but the exactly that's enough to

716
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 2: find the bathroom, ask for helm right start there. Yeah,

717
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:39,320
Speaker 2: so that might be all we need. And so when

718
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 2: people come to the college, I'm like, well, what are

719
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:42,480
Speaker 2: your goals? What are you trying to achieve? Okay, you

720
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 2: might just need to learn five of those seventy skills

721
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 2: and then if you go go on your way, you

722
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 2: don't need to go to the happiest college forever.

723
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 4: And these kind of and these kind of skills that

724
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 4: we get up in the morning and do, like you know,

725
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 4: you would do I don't know, like a solute to

726
00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:58,680
Speaker 4: the sun or you get up and do I'm going

727
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 4: to do this money squoats and this money push ups

728
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:00,880
Speaker 4: every day.

729
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, that sort of thing.

730
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, so a lot of them are I often say

731
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:05,960
Speaker 2: the best way to move knowledge from your head to

732
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 2: your heart is through your hand. What I mean by

733
00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 2: that is this theoretical knowledge, which is knowledge of the head,

734
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 2: which everyone gets from like listening to a podcasts.

735
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 1: For example, that was really interesting. I learned this.

736
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,720
Speaker 2: I was fascinating, and then three weeks ago by and

737
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:19,760
Speaker 2: you've forgotten it. You haven't done anything with it. It doesn't stick,

738
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 2: whereas knowledge of the heart is more like embodied wisdom.

739
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,560
Speaker 2: It's like, oh, oh, I understand this now, Like I

740
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 2: get it. And that was a big gap for me

741
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:29,760
Speaker 2: my first two years of studying the Skills and Science

742
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 2: of Happiness. I was like I was dangerous to be honest,

743
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:35,280
Speaker 2: Like I was a kid with a bunch of new

744
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 2: toys and I just wanted to use it on everyone else.

745
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:41,080
Speaker 2: And then one of our lecturers turned around said, you

746
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 2: know that you should self apply this first, right, Like

747
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,080
Speaker 2: you need to practice this before you go out telling

748
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 2: everyone else that's good for them, right, And I went, yeah,

749
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:48,560
Speaker 2: that's a good wake up call. I needed to hear

750
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,800
Speaker 2: that the only way we move knowledge from the head

751
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 2: to the heart and turn it from theoretical knowledge into

752
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 2: embodied wisdom is through the hand, and that means either

753
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:56,840
Speaker 2: write about it. So I'm a huge fan of journaling.

754
00:32:57,120 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 2: When we get our thoughts and for things out of

755
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 2: our head and onto paper. It means when no longer

756
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 2: meeting them at a home ground disadvantage. If we're trying

757
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 2: to wrestle with our thoughts in our head or with

758
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:08,280
Speaker 2: our feelings in our body, we're meeting them on their

759
00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 2: home turf. Not a great way to play. So I

760
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 2: love journaling for getting it out or the other thing

761
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:15,239
Speaker 2: that getting it through the hand means is get your

762
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 2: hands dirty. So if it's hey, we know that exercise

763
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 2: is incredibly good for you, and building good routines around exercise, cool,

764
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,280
Speaker 2: go exercise. I don't care how you do it, but

765
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 2: do some form of movement. Or if it's meditation, so

766
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 2: much research and I saying meditation is incredibly good for us.

767
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:31,560
Speaker 2: You can listen to every podcast about meditation, you can

768
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 2: read every book about meditation. It's not going to bloody

769
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:35,400
Speaker 2: make a difference if you don't sit down and do

770
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:38,240
Speaker 2: the messy work of trying to meditate, and you'll suck

771
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 2: at it first.

772
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, that you'll suck at it for a long time forever,

773
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 4: because that's it.

774
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 1: That's the point.

775
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 4: That's the point. It's not that doing it perfectly because

776
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,960
Speaker 4: I've got no thoughts in my brain. Ah, No, there's

777
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,240
Speaker 4: like two monks in the world that can do that. Yeah,

778
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 4: everybody else sits there the whole time, watching the monkey

779
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:56,480
Speaker 4: jump around.

780
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 3: Yes, smashing the simple way again.

781
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 2: It's that presence and curios that we keep talking about.

782
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 2: If we can try to be a little bit more

783
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 2: present in life rather than always running too the future

784
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:07,000
Speaker 2: of the past, and if we can try to be

785
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 2: a little bit more curious about ourselves and others rather

786
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:10,760
Speaker 2: than judgmental towards ourself and others.

787
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:11,719
Speaker 1: If I could stay up.

788
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:13,040
Speaker 2: My fingers and just do two things, and what it'll

789
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:15,280
Speaker 2: be those two, I feel more present and more curious.

790
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 2: I think we'd have a much better world.

791
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:26,719
Speaker 4: The idea of being present. If no one's ever heard

792
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:27,960
Speaker 4: the idea of being present before?

793
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 3: What does that mean?

794
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 2: If no, if you haven't ever heard of the idea

795
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:35,040
Speaker 2: of being present, I want you to go immediately after

796
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:38,680
Speaker 2: this and listen to lose yourself by eminem.

797
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 1: It is the best example I know.

798
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,760
Speaker 2: Of of what we call flow theory in positive psychology research,

799
00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:48,440
Speaker 2: really being in the moment, being fully present with it.

800
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 2: Flow theory is what occurs when you lose sense of

801
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 2: self and sense of time.

802
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,840
Speaker 4: Well, I hear that opening roofman. All I'm seeing is

803
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:56,120
Speaker 4: like highlight's real leading.

804
00:34:55,920 --> 00:35:00,000
Speaker 3: Into the NRL finals. You know, you know it's just pain, harsh,

805
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 3: going to run in slow motion.

806
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's being They keep playing it at sporting events,

807
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 2: they keep playing it like. Flow theory was studied originally

808
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,880
Speaker 2: in athletes, but they just found it in parents, in

809
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 2: CEOs and executive So flow theory is being so immersed

810
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 2: in whatever you're doing that you're not thinking of yourself.

811
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:22,240
Speaker 2: So there's no self consciousness, you're not aware of yourself anymore,

812
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:25,480
Speaker 2: and there's no sense of time right now.

813
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:27,040
Speaker 1: The key is you then need.

814
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 2: To feel good after it, So doom scrolling on social

815
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:33,320
Speaker 2: media for you know, you're gonna jump on TikTok fifteen

816
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:34,799
Speaker 2: minutes and you blink and you're like, whoa we did

817
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 2: three hours ago. I wasn't thinking about myself at all

818
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 2: or thinking about time. I was in flow theory. That

819
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:40,839
Speaker 2: happiness guy said, that's really good for me.

820
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: Not the same thing. Not the same thing, right.

821
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:44,759
Speaker 2: It needs to have some form of challenge to it

822
00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 2: and normally needs to have some form of purpose to it.

823
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 2: So for me, for example, I get it when I'm

824
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:52,680
Speaker 2: in nature, I experience flow theory. When I'm in deep conversations,

825
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 2: like I have no idea how long we've been talking

826
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:56,239
Speaker 2: for right now, I couldn't tell you. I when I

827
00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 2: play basketball, I lose myself in that. When I play

828
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:01,200
Speaker 2: guitar and music or listening to a new album. I

829
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 2: think you were in flow a little bit. When I

830
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:05,759
Speaker 2: bumped into downstairs. I was like, hey, hello, Hello, You're

831
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 2: like just gone. You were somewhere else.

832
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:09,440
Speaker 4: I was listening to a Fishbone record, and I was

833
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:11,240
Speaker 4: just like still in motorbike mo full.

834
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:13,440
Speaker 1: In it right fully in the moment. That is flow.

835
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:17,719
Speaker 2: That is I think the healthiest and best form of

836
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:21,360
Speaker 2: presence that we can tap into. And it's so shown

837
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:23,719
Speaker 2: time and time again in the research. It's shown that

838
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:26,399
Speaker 2: people who experience that more often in lifetime say I'm

839
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:28,319
Speaker 2: pretty happy, Like my life is pretty good.

840
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:29,880
Speaker 3: That's all well and good for us sitting here in

841
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:30,160
Speaker 3: this room.

842
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 4: But let's say, for example, at quarter plast six this

843
00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:37,040
Speaker 4: morning today, my son had an excursion where the kids

844
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:37,880
Speaker 4: were going to walk.

845
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:38,680
Speaker 3: To a park nearby.

846
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:42,399
Speaker 4: And we've only ever ridden our bicycle to this park,

847
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:45,920
Speaker 4: so as far as he's concerned, it's fucking far away,

848
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,359
Speaker 4: and he's like just like I don't want to go there,

849
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:50,760
Speaker 4: and want is like he was melting.

850
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,399
Speaker 3: When we're in those moments when we're kind of dealing

851
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:55,520
Speaker 3: with the tantrum, how do we get present and how

852
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,960
Speaker 3: do we get curious when we're in those moments when

853
00:36:58,000 --> 00:36:59,399
Speaker 3: my emotions are going for it as well.

854
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:03,920
Speaker 2: In those moments, whenever we can tap back into our body,

855
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:05,120
Speaker 2: it's a good way to come back into the present

856
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 2: because our mind is the one that can run off

857
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:07,359
Speaker 2: into the future and past.

858
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 1: Our body can't. But it doesn't go there. Our body

859
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:10,280
Speaker 1: is in the present.

860
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,799
Speaker 2: There's a great technique you may have heard it before,

861
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:15,719
Speaker 2: the five four three two one technique for grounding. So

862
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 2: if you've never tried this pill for yourself, you can

863
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:19,879
Speaker 2: literally do it now while we talk about it. First

864
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:21,319
Speaker 2: thing you do is you just look around and you

865
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:23,239
Speaker 2: name five things that you can see. So I look

866
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 2: around in for me, I can, okay and see a

867
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:26,560
Speaker 2: pop plant. I can see your motorbike helmet, I can

868
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:28,759
Speaker 2: see out the window. That's some monitors over there. And

869
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:31,120
Speaker 2: we're just naming what's around us. So we're tapping into

870
00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 2: the first sen switch to our vision and then we go, well,

871
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:36,480
Speaker 2: what are four things I can feel, and that could

872
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:38,399
Speaker 2: be tact I was like with our hands, So I go, okay,

873
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 2: well I can feel the desk, or we can go up.

874
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 2: Until this exact moment when I said that, I wasn't

875
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,680
Speaker 2: consciously aware of how my clothes felt against my skin.

876
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:47,520
Speaker 2: But now that I've said that, I kind of am

877
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh yeah, my shirt's kind of sitting

878
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:51,359
Speaker 2: there and it's kind of scratchy here. If you're listening

879
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:52,799
Speaker 2: to this, you probably weren't aware of how you clothes

880
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:55,279
Speaker 2: felt until that moment. Now you're tuning into it. Or

881
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:58,279
Speaker 2: you might go, how am I feeling emotionally? I go, okay,

882
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:01,040
Speaker 2: I can feel in myself. You know, I'm feeling quiet,

883
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,279
Speaker 2: energized and enthused. But there's a little bit sitting further

884
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:06,720
Speaker 2: back on the bus that's a little bit imposter syndrome,

885
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 2: a little bit of self doubt coming through. Okay, I

886
00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:10,600
Speaker 2: can recognize those. We're not doing anything with them, we're

887
00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 2: just naming it all things we can feel. Three is

888
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 2: then what are three things we can hear? We're tapping

889
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 2: into our senses again. I can hear a bit of

890
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:20,680
Speaker 2: buzzing from the monitor over there, and hear myself as

891
00:38:20,719 --> 00:38:22,719
Speaker 2: I speak, there's a bit of a tapping outside that

892
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 2: I can just hear. And then by the time we

893
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:26,680
Speaker 2: get to two and one, often we don't need to.

894
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:28,839
Speaker 2: We're already very present. We're back in the zone. We're

895
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,359
Speaker 2: not thinking about all our future worries, like, oh God,

896
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:32,759
Speaker 2: what's gonna happen? If I can get this kid out

897
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:34,560
Speaker 2: the door and get him to this excursion of the park,

898
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 2: like we're dealing with future concerns.

899
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:36,719
Speaker 3: What's two and one?

900
00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 1: Right?

901
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 2: Two and one is then the smell and taste, so

902
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 2: you can go, what are two things I can smell,

903
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:43,560
Speaker 2: one thing I can taste. The reason I say you

904
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 2: often don't need to get to that point is contextually

905
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,240
Speaker 2: the first thing you can do without people really noticing.

906
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:49,839
Speaker 2: But if you're in a meeting with someone you try

907
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 2: to ground yourself back down and you start like sniffing

908
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 2: the air like a rabid dog, right, or like start licking.

909
00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:57,399
Speaker 1: Things, people are going to be like, whow.

910
00:38:57,440 --> 00:39:00,520
Speaker 5: You're really present, but you're also really strange cleaning what screen?

911
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 1: So I mean, if you.

912
00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 2: Want to, it's good for mindful eating if you've got

913
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 2: food in front of your great way to be present

914
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,239
Speaker 2: with your meal. I personally don't use the two and

915
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:08,680
Speaker 2: one a lot.

916
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 4: Okay, so that's getting present and I understand what you're doing,

917
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:14,880
Speaker 4: and where does the curiosity come? How do we actualss

918
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:18,359
Speaker 4: that curiosity when you know kids in a heightened state.

919
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:19,239
Speaker 3: As an adult, I'm.

920
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:20,279
Speaker 4: The one that's going to I've got to do all

921
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:22,920
Speaker 4: the emotional regulation in this situation. How do I access

922
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:24,440
Speaker 4: that curiosity when I'm in this space?

923
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 2: Again, it's that sonder thing of everyone is living the

924
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 2: main character in the main character in their own life.

925
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:31,880
Speaker 2: He means the main character is in your life. This

926
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:33,719
Speaker 2: is the main challenge for him that day. This is

927
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 2: the big thing taking out.

928
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:36,319
Speaker 1: Of his mind. So we get extra curious about that.

929
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 2: Will we try to go hey, and by the way,

930
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 2: hard to do when his emotions are sort of hijacking.

931
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:43,520
Speaker 2: This is making is also that's why we need to

932
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:45,600
Speaker 2: practice for ourselves that five four thre each one also

933
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:47,279
Speaker 2: a great technique to do with kids. I've seen a

934
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 2: lot of parents and teachers do this really well. But

935
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:51,279
Speaker 2: I'll literally get their hand down and go, Okay, first finger,

936
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:52,520
Speaker 2: we're just going to look around and we're going to

937
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:54,400
Speaker 2: name five things we can see. Next finger, we're going

938
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:55,960
Speaker 2: to do four things we can feel and like you

939
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,840
Speaker 2: kind of guide them through it. There's some other breathing

940
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:01,080
Speaker 2: techniques you can do, Like you get them to trace

941
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:03,040
Speaker 2: your hand and you go up, you breathe in.

942
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 1: As you go down, you breathe there. That one so

943
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 1: same thing.

944
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 2: We're just again, we're being present when we're present together

945
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 2: and we're present with each other, even if that's for

946
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 2: a split second before the next meltdown. Now we've got

947
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 2: an opportunity be curious. Better to be curious, ask questions, right,

948
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:19,120
Speaker 2: that's questions.

949
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 3: You mentioned.

950
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:23,960
Speaker 4: The connection that we have in the quality of our

951
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 4: connection with other people. What are some ways that we

952
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:29,400
Speaker 4: might be able to connect with us or start to

953
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:32,680
Speaker 4: seek the kind of connections that will give us access

954
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 4: to more of these not catastrophic emotions.

955
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 3: I don't want to call.

956
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:41,640
Speaker 4: Them happiness emotions, but access the challenging, access the less

957
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:44,840
Speaker 4: challenging emotional feelings. And what are the first things we

958
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:47,560
Speaker 4: might be able to start exploring.

959
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:51,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm watching this exact challenge right now. I have

960
00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 2: too much younger siblings. So I have a younger sister

961
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:57,440
Speaker 2: who is sixteen and or turning seventeen very soon. I

962
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:00,320
Speaker 2: have a younger brother who's fourteen, and a lot of

963
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 2: their formative years were during the COVID pandemic. Yeah and so,

964
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 2: and also the first generation that was raised basically from

965
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,359
Speaker 2: birth on technology, Like for me, I was, I had

966
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:14,720
Speaker 2: a lot of my childhood pre technology. This emerging generation

967
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 2: hasn't had that, and so our wave of communicating, our

968
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:21,359
Speaker 2: way of connecting has radically changed. Some ways good because

969
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 2: we can tap into communities that we otherwise wouldn't have

970
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 2: been able to. Some ways bad because we're losing some

971
00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:28,280
Speaker 2: of the depth of the connection. I mean having conversations

972
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:30,680
Speaker 2: with them about what we mentioned before, which is connection

973
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:34,080
Speaker 2: is fundamentally built on what we have in common. So

974
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:37,560
Speaker 2: find a starting common point from my younger sister, she's

975
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:40,279
Speaker 2: really into netball at the moment, and so she's been

976
00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:42,680
Speaker 2: not only playing netball and connecting with her team, but

977
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:44,920
Speaker 2: she's been finding ways to have conversations with some of

978
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 2: the girls on the other teams, because again, what we

979
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 2: have in common is bigger than what we have different.

980
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:51,760
Speaker 2: You're on different teams, you both love the same sport,

981
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 2: are you're both growing up in the same area, you

982
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 2: both speak the same language, and so you starting to

983
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:58,000
Speaker 2: have those conversations there, which is really nice. See, and

984
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,120
Speaker 2: then that kind of blossoms and turns into friendships and

985
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:02,040
Speaker 2: oh you know that person. I know that person too,

986
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:03,759
Speaker 2: and then before you know it, it can expand out

987
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 2: from there. My little brother is you know, starting to

988
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,719
Speaker 2: show like interests and passions and hobbies and stuff like that.

989
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:13,120
Speaker 2: And again I'm saying, lean into that, find other people

990
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 2: who share that with you. That is your starting point,

991
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:17,520
Speaker 2: and then from there we build out, built out, built out.

992
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:20,160
Speaker 2: So whatever it is, whether the starting point is you know,

993
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 2: we go to the same in you know, in this case,

994
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:24,200
Speaker 2: we go to the same meeting and we have that structure,

995
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 2: or we're part of the same religion or faith, or

996
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 2: we're part of the same family, network or community. Find

997
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 2: a starting point, right, and then see what else you

998
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 2: can expand it into.

999
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:40,000
Speaker 4: The other morning, she works as a polities distractor. She's

1000
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 4: sent a photo of like there's this run club somewhere

1001
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,840
Speaker 4: in North BONDI at I don't know, stupid o'clock in

1002
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 4: the morning. It's like three hundred people yeah, standing there, yep,

1003
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:54,279
Speaker 4: And this is it was cold, right, and there's three

1004
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:56,160
Speaker 4: hundred people standing there at not even five o'clock in

1005
00:42:56,200 --> 00:43:00,720
Speaker 4: the morning. Yep, I don't think they're there for the run.

1006
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:06,000
Speaker 2: Was saying before, the price of community connection is inconvenience.

1007
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:08,280
Speaker 2: They could run it a nicer time that's not as cold,

1008
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:10,239
Speaker 2: that they don't have to commute two to start, You

1009
00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:13,920
Speaker 2: could run from your front door, right, But paying the

1010
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 2: dues of inconvenience to then tap into that community connection. Yeah,

1011
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:19,200
Speaker 2: it's probably a lot more powerful and profound for them

1012
00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 2: than just the act of running.

1013
00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:23,239
Speaker 4: The idea of trying to find a community that is

1014
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 4: already into the thing that you're into. Just by doing that,

1015
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 4: are you saying that that starts to unlock those more

1016
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:34,240
Speaker 4: kind of pleasant emotions.

1017
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, it's a big part of it.

1018
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:39,760
Speaker 2: Again, Like one of the largest contributors to how happy

1019
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:41,640
Speaker 2: with her life is going to be our connection to others.

1020
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 2: So we have to be willing to do the inconvenient things,

1021
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:45,879
Speaker 2: to do, the difficult things to do the awkward first

1022
00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:50,280
Speaker 2: part of introducing yourself to someone and then expanding that connection.

1023
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:51,800
Speaker 1: You know, it is an awkward first part.

1024
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:54,279
Speaker 2: This week, for example, I mean my thirties, and I

1025
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:56,400
Speaker 2: still feel that nerves and awkwardness about asking I've been

1026
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 2: playing in a Social Basketball League for the last couple

1027
00:43:59,480 --> 00:43:59,880
Speaker 2: of months.

1028
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:00,479
Speaker 1: New team.

1029
00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:02,279
Speaker 2: Most of the people I don't really know other than

1030
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 2: we show up to basketball on a Wednesday and we

1031
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:05,319
Speaker 2: play together and we all go home.

1032
00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 1: I couldn't tell you what they do for it living.

1033
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:07,920
Speaker 2: I couldn't tell anything about them, but we have this

1034
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:12,400
Speaker 2: shared you know, we play basketball together. Anyway, after this

1035
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,799
Speaker 2: week's game, I said, hey, guys, there's a new ice

1036
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 2: cream roy that just opened around the corner. They want

1037
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 2: to go get ice cream after the game. And part

1038
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:21,160
Speaker 2: of me was like, Ah, that's a bit of a

1039
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:23,279
Speaker 2: weird thing to ask you their thirties, Like, what are

1040
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:24,759
Speaker 2: we a bunch of kids. People are going to judge this.

1041
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:26,799
Speaker 2: People are not going to come. And half the team

1042
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:28,040
Speaker 2: was like, yeah, I loves come to get ice cream.

1043
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:29,840
Speaker 2: And on the walk there, we started chatting about what

1044
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:32,880
Speaker 2: we did outside of basketball, like in these very informalized settings.

1045
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 2: And so now I feel more connected to these people

1046
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 2: because it's expanded. But it only expanded because I did something.

1047
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 1: That was different.

1048
00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:41,520
Speaker 3: You'll also play better, Yeah, that's the thing.

1049
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 4: As a team. You also, you know, cultivating more happiness

1050
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 4: in your life. Can you give you many benefits in

1051
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:52,000
Speaker 4: a health health front. But I've found when having conversations

1052
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 4: about climate stuff with other people, it's the economic argument

1053
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,080
Speaker 4: that gets most people over the line.

1054
00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:01,719
Speaker 3: What's the economic argument? Yeah, on making.

1055
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:04,840
Speaker 4: Time in your day to cultivate more happiness in your life.

1056
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 2: Have you noticed that you spend more on Amazon when

1057
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 2: you're unhappy?

1058
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:10,840
Speaker 1: Here's the first argument.

1059
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:16,120
Speaker 2: But from a personal level, oh my god, feeling insecure

1060
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:19,360
Speaker 2: in ourselves, feeling dissatisfied with our life, not feeling grateful.

1061
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:23,279
Speaker 2: What we already have is a dream to sell your product. Look,

1062
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:25,480
Speaker 2: we're going to a deep dog conversation around whether or

1063
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:27,960
Speaker 2: not money buys happiness. Starting to show that does up

1064
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:29,480
Speaker 2: to a certain point is a very privileged thing to

1065
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:31,359
Speaker 2: say that money has no impact on happiness. It does

1066
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,000
Speaker 2: to tell you to a certain point, to a certain point, basically,

1067
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 2: your survival needs aremit there. You can find a place

1068
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:38,960
Speaker 2: to live in, you can put food on the table,

1069
00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:41,319
Speaker 2: and then from there it's more how you spend the

1070
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 2: money that makes a difference.

1071
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:43,440
Speaker 1: The all we find in the.

1072
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 2: Research is that people who feel good in themselves cultivate

1073
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:50,080
Speaker 2: those feelings of happiness tend to also make better financial decisions.

1074
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:53,080
Speaker 2: They manage money better. From in a business standpoint, A

1075
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:55,239
Speaker 2: lot of my master's research was on the impact of

1076
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 2: happiness in a workplace. Abound that happier employees made better

1077
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:02,040
Speaker 2: customer experiences than the customers tended to spend more and

1078
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 2: of return more and refer more so than the shareholders

1079
00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 2: were really happy. And so there's this real it's called

1080
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:10,040
Speaker 2: the happiness advantage. There's this advantage of people learning these skills.

1081
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:12,960
Speaker 2: My PhD work that I've just been submitting my proposal

1082
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:14,640
Speaker 2: for it's the next d eight years. I'm going to

1083
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:17,560
Speaker 2: study what would happen if we change the way we

1084
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:22,120
Speaker 2: define successes entire countries because, for you know this part

1085
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:24,960
Speaker 2: of human history, the sole marker of successful country is

1086
00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:28,359
Speaker 2: GDP gross domestic product, which is how's the economy going,

1087
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 2: economy going well? Big thumbs up, everyone in charge, hats

1088
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:34,799
Speaker 2: off to you, well done. But as we've seen we're

1089
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:36,759
Speaker 2: living through, the economy can go up and we can

1090
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:39,279
Speaker 2: have variety, seeing wealth inequality. The economy can go up.

1091
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:41,279
Speaker 2: In the climate can get fucked, the economy can go up.

1092
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:43,319
Speaker 2: In people's health care can get worse, the economy can

1093
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 2: go up, and education get worse.

1094
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:48,400
Speaker 1: Just arising economy does not make a good society.

1095
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:51,560
Speaker 2: And so there's now these pioneering countries like Bhutan and

1096
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:54,799
Speaker 2: Denmark and a lot of the scandy countries that are

1097
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:56,800
Speaker 2: always at the top of the Happiest Countries in the

1098
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:59,200
Speaker 2: World list. New Zealand is now committed to it. Who

1099
00:46:59,239 --> 00:47:02,319
Speaker 2: are saying, hey, yes, the economy matters, Yes, let's talk

1100
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:04,960
Speaker 2: about GDP. Yes, let's talk about money, but let's also

1101
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:07,520
Speaker 2: talk about gross national happiness. Let's also talk about the

1102
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:10,200
Speaker 2: well being of our citizens. And if that's not going

1103
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:12,880
Speaker 2: up with it, we're not a successful country. We need

1104
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 2: to do better.

1105
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 4: But I can't control what my country does or how

1106
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:20,400
Speaker 4: it chooses to measure its success. But you're saying that

1107
00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:23,400
Speaker 4: the research shows that if I try to cultivate happiness

1108
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 4: within myself, it makes me a kind of more valuable

1109
00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:30,880
Speaker 4: person as somebody who is employed or does work.

1110
00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:33,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, a greater contributor.

1111
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:34,800
Speaker 2: And this is the other benefit in the argument of

1112
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:37,320
Speaker 2: it is if we support it's proactive rather than reactive.

1113
00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:38,879
Speaker 2: If we help people, and this is if we help

1114
00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:42,160
Speaker 2: create a society. If we help on an individual level

1115
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 2: people learn how to manage their minded emotions a bit better,

1116
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 2: that's going to be less cost on the healthcare system. Later,

1117
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:48,880
Speaker 2: one of the biggest costs on the economy at the

1118
00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:51,400
Speaker 2: moment is depression, and that's only rising.

1119
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:53,480
Speaker 1: So I'm with you.

1120
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:55,759
Speaker 2: Like I was invited a few years ago to speak

1121
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:59,120
Speaker 2: at a conference full of accountants and about the skills

1122
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:01,000
Speaker 2: and signs of happiness, the happiness in the workplace, and

1123
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:04,240
Speaker 2: I went in shedding myself. I was like, these people

1124
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:06,400
Speaker 2: are not going to like my message about happiness, and

1125
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,440
Speaker 2: by the end they were like, no, this makes economic sense,

1126
00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 2: Like it's actually crazy for us to not do this.

1127
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:13,080
Speaker 2: So sure, if we need to talk about money to

1128
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:17,000
Speaker 2: get you know, either ourselves as individuals or leaders of

1129
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:19,919
Speaker 2: our organizations and our workplaces they all work within, or

1130
00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:24,920
Speaker 2: our elected officials to make better decisions, let's talk about money.

1131
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:27,319
Speaker 4: The idea that there are seventy of these things that

1132
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 4: we might be able to unlock is fascinating to me.

1133
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:34,160
Speaker 4: But I don't think you've had to invent anything. You've

1134
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:36,760
Speaker 4: just gone and found these things from me, the cultural

1135
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:40,560
Speaker 4: practices or stuff that was researching and discovered. Of those

1136
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:43,319
Speaker 4: seventy what would you say, were you know, what is

1137
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:45,239
Speaker 4: one or the two of the more surprising things that

1138
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:47,200
Speaker 4: you've discovered in there m.

1139
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:55,640
Speaker 2: I'm consistently surprised by the value of just looking inwards,

1140
00:48:56,360 --> 00:49:00,080
Speaker 2: of introspection. And to your point, nothing that we teach

1141
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:03,040
Speaker 2: at the college that I run is new. Science is

1142
00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 2: playing catch uply. We were talking about what makes a

1143
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:07,759
Speaker 2: happy life three thousand years ago in ancient Greece. You know,

1144
00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:11,400
Speaker 2: as a species, we've been debating happiness forever. Science is

1145
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:13,320
Speaker 2: finally catching up and going, well, what works and what doesn't?

1146
00:49:13,719 --> 00:49:17,120
Speaker 2: You know, what's fluff and you know, well wishes and

1147
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:19,799
Speaker 2: hopes first? What is Oh, no, this is actually makes

1148
00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:22,480
Speaker 2: a difference to people's mental health, they're well being, their happiness,

1149
00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:25,920
Speaker 2: and let's focused more on those. I'm continuously astounded by

1150
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 2: the benefit of just getting people to spend time with themselves. Again,

1151
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:31,839
Speaker 2: I think we're in a society at the moment where

1152
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 2: our attention is a big economy. You know, the wealthiest

1153
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:37,480
Speaker 2: companies in the world are the ones that have managed

1154
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:40,239
Speaker 2: to monetize our attention. If we spend more time, you know,

1155
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:42,640
Speaker 2: tuning into social media, or if we spend more time

1156
00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 2: you know, reading this book over that book, then entire

1157
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:48,799
Speaker 2: economies is a building. Entire companies are built. And I

1158
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:50,719
Speaker 2: worry that we've lost a bit of the art of

1159
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:53,719
Speaker 2: just spending time in solitude with ourselves, just going, how

1160
00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:54,960
Speaker 2: am I actually bloody feeling?

1161
00:49:55,320 --> 00:49:56,279
Speaker 1: What do I actually want?

1162
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:59,279
Speaker 2: Spoken to come to the college that are you know,

1163
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:01,360
Speaker 2: their forties and fifties, and they're like, yeah, I'm just

1164
00:50:01,400 --> 00:50:03,440
Speaker 2: realizing the other that I've spent my life climbing this

1165
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:06,040
Speaker 2: career ladder and it was leaning against the wrong bloody

1166
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:07,799
Speaker 2: wall the whole time. Like I've put in all this

1167
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:08,960
Speaker 2: effort to get to the top of the ladder and

1168
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 2: I've looked around it.

1169
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:10,080
Speaker 1: God, well, this.

1170
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 2: Sucks because I never looked inwards and what does happen.

1171
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 2: I'll say this very clear to everyone listening. I'm so

1172
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:17,480
Speaker 2: grateful that after ten years doing this work and I

1173
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 2: hope to this the rest of my life. I'm so

1174
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:23,000
Speaker 2: grateful that I'm considered an expert on happiness. But I'm

1175
00:50:23,080 --> 00:50:26,040
Speaker 2: never going to be an expert on your happiness. No

1176
00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:27,880
Speaker 2: one is right. It is up to you to kind

1177
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:30,719
Speaker 2: of look within and go, what is a happy life

1178
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:33,760
Speaker 2: by my definition? What is a successful life by my definition?

1179
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:35,759
Speaker 2: What are my values? What matters to me? And the

1180
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 2: more people do that and they get clarity, I call

1181
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 2: it their happiness.

1182
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:38,680
Speaker 1: Blueprint.

1183
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:40,839
Speaker 2: The more you can define your own happiness blueprint, your

1184
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:43,520
Speaker 2: blueprint for a good life, the better life becomes.

1185
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:46,279
Speaker 3: I just want to get how many of them were they?

1186
00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:48,880
Speaker 3: Were there four things? Five things you just mentioned? What

1187
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 3: is it like? Want? What can you mention?

1188
00:50:53,560 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a couple of big questions.

1189
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:56,759
Speaker 2: I like if I encourage people to ponder on these,

1190
00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:59,040
Speaker 2: the big life and constages. What is a happy life

1191
00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:01,520
Speaker 2: by your definition? What is a successful life?

1192
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:05,960
Speaker 1: By the definition? What is a meaningful life? And then from.

1193
00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:08,520
Speaker 2: Those three, because there'll be overlaps between them, they'll losso

1194
00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:11,319
Speaker 2: be challenges and tentions fulthough, so your last one is

1195
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:13,839
Speaker 2: so knowing all this, what is a fulfilling life by

1196
00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:14,480
Speaker 2: my standard?

1197
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:17,840
Speaker 3: I'm going to have to go and think about that

1198
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:18,960
Speaker 3: out Deklin.

1199
00:51:18,719 --> 00:51:20,640
Speaker 1: Good, You're welcome, I hope.

1200
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:23,520
Speaker 3: So thanks to making the time to coming in manner.

1201
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:25,000
Speaker 1: I appreciate you.

1202
00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:31,320
Speaker 3: And that was Declan Edwards.

1203
00:51:31,400 --> 00:51:33,680
Speaker 4: If you want to know more or hear more from Decline,

1204
00:51:33,680 --> 00:51:35,840
Speaker 4: he has a podcast it's called how to Be Happy?

1205
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:37,879
Speaker 3: Does what it says on the box? I like things

1206
00:51:37,880 --> 00:51:38,400
Speaker 3: that do that.

1207
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:41,560
Speaker 4: He's also got an entire college based around this be

1208
00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 4: You Happiness college dot Com.

1209
00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:44,959
Speaker 3: I'll put the link in the show notes.

1210
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:47,520
Speaker 4: If this podcast was useful to you, please do send

1211
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:49,440
Speaker 4: it to someone, share it with someone like it, follow it,

1212
00:51:49,520 --> 00:51:51,120
Speaker 4: rate it, subscribe it, do what you need to do.

1213
00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:54,120
Speaker 4: Buy the book, comes see the show, Cuddle someone you love,

1214
00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:57,440
Speaker 4: Pada cat unless you're allergic than don't marvel at a

1215
00:51:57,480 --> 00:51:59,040
Speaker 4: rainbowlawer keeps flying past you.

1216
00:51:59,239 --> 00:52:02,480
Speaker 3: Enjoy the sound of a bagpie in the morning. And

1217
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:03,360
Speaker 3: I'll see you on Monday.

1218
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:17,680
Speaker 4: Hm.