WEBVTT - ARE YOU A FEXTER? 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.120 This girl I know reached out to me and she 0:00:03.400 --> 0:00:07.760 was like, Hey, I'm dating this guy. I saw that 0:00:07.840 --> 0:00:10.280 you guys used to date or have gone on a 0:00:10.280 --> 0:00:12.319 few dates, and I just wanted to get the four 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:15.040 one one on him, which is kind of rare because 0:00:15.200 --> 0:00:17.160 that kind of stuff hasn't really happened to me. 0:00:17.280 --> 0:00:18.720 But I'm so okay with it. 0:00:18.800 --> 0:00:22.040 Like if I've dated someone and to come to me 0:00:22.079 --> 0:00:24.799 and be like, hey, I'm dating this person, give me 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:28.000 the give me the goss, I'm willing to give it. 0:00:28.200 --> 0:00:29.040 I don't know about that. 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:35.000 Where's Your Head At? 0:00:35.080 --> 0:00:40.200 Is a podcast that talks all things. Hold on a sec, 0:00:40.440 --> 0:00:44.000 let's give this a refresh. 0:00:44.200 --> 0:00:45.600 Hi, I'm Anna. 0:00:45.600 --> 0:00:48.320 And I'm Matt, and we are now too newlywed not 0:00:48.400 --> 0:00:51.000 to each other. Just a female and male best friend 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:53.159 here for the good, the bad, and the ugly. 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:58.120 Times and exploring adulthood, family relationships, dilemmas. 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:00.240 And whatever else we have the mental capacity to do with. 0:01:00.680 --> 0:01:01.639 Come get the lowdown. 0:01:01.840 --> 0:01:03.600 This is your male and female perspective. 0:01:04.040 --> 0:01:09.600 So mad, where's your head At? Hello? 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:12.720 Good morning, Anna, how are you? 0:01:12.959 --> 0:01:17.400 I'm doing good. There's lots on the agenda today. 0:01:17.680 --> 0:01:19.640 There's lots of shows out at the moment, which I 0:01:19.640 --> 0:01:20.600 am excited about. 0:01:20.840 --> 0:01:23.480 Go on, then what are they? Are they? Ones like 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:27.399 I like like Severance watching that? 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:30.280 Don't know what that is? Right, I haven't heard of it. 0:01:30.280 --> 0:01:32.160 It's a thriller Apple TV good one. 0:01:32.480 --> 0:01:37.400 Obviously, Maths is now out the new Math season. Yes, 0:01:37.800 --> 0:01:38.920 very excited to watch that. 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:43.520 And also we have Love Island All Stars which is 0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:48.000 out that UK the UK one. Yes, I wonder if 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:50.760 there's going to be anyone from Australia on there this year. 0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:52.920 Have you heard anything? 0:01:53.160 --> 0:01:56.720 I haven't heard anything, honestly, I haven't thought about love 0:01:56.760 --> 0:01:58.800 Islian ages were where you were going to watch Love 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:03.120 Island a couple of years ago and having and I 0:02:03.200 --> 0:02:05.720 last year, sorry, and we're going to watch a season. 0:02:05.800 --> 0:02:07.440 But she didn't really want to watch it with me. 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:10.000 She was like, I can't watch it now because you 0:02:10.040 --> 0:02:11.760 were on it. Yeah, you're on. It's not the same 0:02:11.760 --> 0:02:13.760 for me anymore. And I was like, yeah, fair enough. 0:02:13.800 --> 0:02:16.360 Does Michael feel the same way? No, no, he just 0:02:17.200 --> 0:02:18.840 yeah he likes it, or he. 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:21.720 Just no, he likes it. I think. Okay, I will 0:02:21.760 --> 0:02:22.120 say this. 0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:24.440 The thing about the Love Island All Stars and what 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:27.440 makes it different is number one. You know, it's like 0:02:27.480 --> 0:02:29.400 the best of the best characters, so you're going to 0:02:29.440 --> 0:02:33.000 get some good entertainment, but also people are actually wanting 0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:37.799 to find their forever partner. I feel like, no, it's true, 0:02:37.840 --> 0:02:39.839 Like there's a thirty nine year old guy in there. 0:02:40.000 --> 0:02:41.959 He already has a kid, and he's like, I want 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:43.920 to meet my wife, and they all of the guys, 0:02:43.960 --> 0:02:46.600 all of the girls, they're like older, so they're like 0:02:47.040 --> 0:02:50.760 they've done the whole young love Island thing. And to 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:53.240 be honest, when I went into Loveland, I was like, 0:02:53.320 --> 0:02:56.000 lit'tening to my husband, and then I think I very 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:58.680 quickly realized that the guys. 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:00.800 In there weren't really I think I came well, I know, 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:02.480 I came in with the same attitude, and I think 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:05.240 that's why we went as far as we did. And 0:03:05.240 --> 0:03:07.160 I think producers know who's there for. 0:03:07.120 --> 0:03:10.760 The right romantic I know, it's like someone. 0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:14.560 Love us, please, someone love me for who I am. Well, 0:03:14.639 --> 0:03:17.480 luckily we didn't find anyone in there because now we're 0:03:17.520 --> 0:03:21.280 happily married. But I think that when you do it 0:03:21.320 --> 0:03:23.800 the first time around, Yeah, there's a lot of people 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:25.960 that go in there and you can really see who 0:03:25.960 --> 0:03:26.920 they are real quickly. 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:31.239 Yeah, And I think the difference between the original Love 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:35.080 Island and this one is I feel like people could 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:38.600 actually meet their husband or wife in there. So that's 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:41.960 exciting to me as someone who's a newly weed, freshly married. 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:44.080 Same with you, like it's exciting. 0:03:44.120 --> 0:03:47.720 You want to see people actually meet their soulmate. So 0:03:47.920 --> 0:03:51.080 we love love, We love love. Stay tuned, I'm going 0:03:51.120 --> 0:03:52.000 to be watching. I don't know. 0:03:52.520 --> 0:03:55.000 It's hard to get mad on board, guys. Honestly, it's 0:03:55.000 --> 0:03:57.040 hard to get them on board with a reality show. 0:03:57.160 --> 0:03:59.640 I watched Maths last year, Tammy and I watched it. 0:04:00.360 --> 0:04:03.400 Finish it we got to like the second last week? 0:04:03.560 --> 0:04:05.119 Or are you gonna watch it this year? 0:04:05.800 --> 0:04:08.680 I can't see why not actually something that. 0:04:08.560 --> 0:04:11.640 We let's do, let's commit don't. 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:14.040 Commit to anything because you know, life gets like I'll 0:04:14.040 --> 0:04:16.479 try to, but we're always behind. We don't watch it 0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:17.280 as it happens. 0:04:17.640 --> 0:04:18.719 I watch it as it happened. 0:04:18.760 --> 0:04:21.679 Well, when we came up to date, that's when we stopped. 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:23.680 When we caught up. 0:04:23.720 --> 0:04:25.800 Well, maybe just be a bit more on top of it. 0:04:25.920 --> 0:04:27.719 And then once we caught up, we stopped. Yeah, we 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:30.160 stopped watching it because we didn something got in the way. 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:32.480 But it would be fun to talk to everyone about it. 0:04:32.800 --> 0:04:35.280 Well, what I shined is when we watch Maths, when 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:36.720 we watch anything, it's actually something I want to say 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:38.440 on the podcast before. It's quite a funny thing that 0:04:38.480 --> 0:04:40.960 we do to each other. So, say something's happening on 0:04:40.960 --> 0:04:43.840 the TV show we're watching all the movie, say good 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:45.960 or bad, it's either way. Like it's like you know, 0:04:46.040 --> 0:04:48.920 someone's like declaring their love to someone, or someone saying 0:04:49.400 --> 0:04:51.440 I feel like you do this blah blah blah. We 0:04:51.600 --> 0:04:53.720 just stare at the other one, so like they know 0:04:53.760 --> 0:04:56.040 that what's happening on the TV, like we're directing it 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:59.640 to them. So for instance, like if someone's like I 0:04:59.640 --> 0:05:01.280 can't think off the top of my head, they're like, 0:05:01.480 --> 0:05:03.760 I think that you're this and that, or just stare 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:06.120 at the other one like mmmmm mmm, or like you know, 0:05:06.160 --> 0:05:07.599 it's like I love you so much. We'll just say 0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:09.159 like look at the other one and stare at each other. 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:10.680 So that's like a little thing we do, and I 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:13.080 feel like with Maths we do that a lot. So 0:05:13.120 --> 0:05:13.760 it's pretty funny. 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:16.719 It is interesting because you do get to see and 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:20.800 obviously I'm aware that when we think we're seeing two 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:25.520 sides of Maths specifically, they're probably missing a few parts out, 0:05:25.560 --> 0:05:28.799 but it is interesting as a viewer when it comes 0:05:28.839 --> 0:05:31.919 to relationship dating shows to really get to see the 0:05:31.960 --> 0:05:35.520 psychology of, you know, one person's side versus the other, 0:05:35.600 --> 0:05:38.039 and why this person's reacting in this way versus why 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:40.960 this person's reacting in this way, and then maybe someone's 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:43.039 saying outlandish things and then you're like, well, they just 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:45.520 want to be the next like Maths star. They want 0:05:45.560 --> 0:05:48.599 to be like the h person. Like that's how I 0:05:48.640 --> 0:05:50.240 think anyway, Well, I you. 0:05:50.240 --> 0:05:53.160 Know what I say. There's three different versions of a story. 0:05:53.640 --> 0:05:57.000 There's his hers and the truth, But when it comes 0:05:57.080 --> 0:05:59.919 to Maths, there's four. There's his Hers, the truth, and 0:06:00.120 --> 0:06:03.320 producers site. So there's four different sides. When it comes 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:11.760 to me one thousand, Well, these newlyweds, they're married at 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:12.440 first sight? 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:16.280 Do you have some Mum can't tell for them that 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:17.840 I commandments? 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:22.080 Shall we say some commandments? I stumbled onto ten Commandments 0:06:22.120 --> 0:06:23.080 of marriage. 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:26.000 I'm actually very excited to hear this. Matt would not 0:06:26.040 --> 0:06:29.039 tell me what these were. I'm like, give it to me, 0:06:29.160 --> 0:06:31.160 give me the ten Commandments marriage. 0:06:31.360 --> 0:06:36.360 Okay, so number one is speak softly and listen carefully. 0:06:37.320 --> 0:06:37.520 Yep. 0:06:38.040 --> 0:06:42.600 Good one. Number two. Be each other's biggest cheerleader. 0:06:42.960 --> 0:06:46.919 That is so big, it's so interesting. I think you 0:06:46.960 --> 0:06:49.760 can really tell when someone's not on your team, like 0:06:49.880 --> 0:06:50.800 not cheering for you. 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:53.000 And I think you should always cheer for your. 0:06:52.880 --> 0:06:55.839 Partner absolutely, and you should always want them to win, 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:58.120 and you should always be pushing them to their goals. 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:02.039 I think one of my biggest motivators have been like, 0:07:02.240 --> 0:07:05.200 very like when I've had partners who are my biggest 0:07:05.240 --> 0:07:07.599 cheerleaders and who give me the confidence to go, I 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:10.400 can start that business, I can do this well, confident 0:07:10.440 --> 0:07:11.000 enough to do that. 0:07:11.040 --> 0:07:13.160 If your partner's not in your corner, I feel like 0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:17.480 nobody's going to be maybe yeah, someone else. Really, she 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:19.239 felt like, your partner should always be in your corner, 0:07:20.760 --> 0:07:25.280 stay committed through thick and thin yep. Always have each other's. 0:07:25.000 --> 0:07:27.840 Back yep, publicly as well. 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:28.480 Publicly as well. 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:31.720 Ever, we show that there could be any sort of 0:07:31.840 --> 0:07:36.400 like arguments or anything. If there's something that someone says 0:07:36.400 --> 0:07:41.080 that you don't like, pull them to the side and 0:07:41.160 --> 0:07:44.720 then discuss it and figure out how you know you 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:45.360 can do better. 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:47.600 Teamwork makes for dream work. 0:07:48.120 --> 0:07:49.800 Teamwork makes the dream work again. 0:07:49.880 --> 0:07:53.520 Having each other's back a good one. Say sorry and mean. 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:55.960 It, yeah, big one. 0:07:55.920 --> 0:07:58.120 Big one. Yeah. I'm pretty big on just saying sorry 0:07:58.200 --> 0:08:00.160 and like meaning it. I say sorry a lot, So 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:02.200 like I'm trying to say sorry when I mean it 0:08:02.280 --> 0:08:05.160 and just say it and like that's it. Yeah, and 0:08:05.200 --> 0:08:07.280 never have like a follow up for it. Sorry, but 0:08:07.600 --> 0:08:10.160 like just say sorry, and that's that's what I'm trying 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:10.680 to work on that. 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:12.520 I'm really good at telling Michael sorry. 0:08:12.840 --> 0:08:16.480 Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm really good telling other relationships. 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:18.600 I really like struggled. 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:21.520 No, I feel like I feel like I said sorry 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:24.560 a lot just to keep peace. Whereas now I'm like 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:26.360 I'm going to say it when I mean it and 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:30.680 like that's like it's heavier then it means it means more. Yeah, 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:36.200 keep the spark alive. Love that, talk openly about money, yep, 0:08:36.640 --> 0:08:41.240 grow together, rise together, love it, and never fight over text, 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:46.720 which brings us into today's episode, which brings us into 0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:47.760 fexting Anna. 0:08:47.920 --> 0:08:50.800 Okay, let's talk about it. 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:55.440 So I just said fexting, Anna, which. 0:08:55.320 --> 0:08:57.520 She did say fexting, which. 0:08:58.120 --> 0:09:02.280 Is a new word for fighting over text. 0:09:02.520 --> 0:09:07.800 It is fexing. Do you fight over text, yes or. 0:09:07.760 --> 0:09:09.560 No, we have had conversations over text. 0:09:09.920 --> 0:09:14.120 I think everyone has any healthy, normal relationship. I think 0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:17.559 you have heated discussions or disagreements over text, like you 0:09:17.600 --> 0:09:20.360 can't be with each other twenty four to seven exactly. Yeah, 0:09:20.400 --> 0:09:24.400 but as you said, one of the commandments of marriage 0:09:24.559 --> 0:09:27.640 just take together, is no fighting over text message. 0:09:27.960 --> 0:09:31.600 I personally feel like fighting over text message. I've done 0:09:31.640 --> 0:09:35.360 it a lot in past relationships. It doesn't go anywhere, 0:09:36.360 --> 0:09:39.640 like it doesn't. I feel like it just you argue 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:44.439 over text. Stuff gets missed out. I'm not very articulate 0:09:44.720 --> 0:09:47.600 over messaging and over I'm first to say that like 0:09:47.679 --> 0:09:51.640 I've got bad spelling. Literacy wasn't my strong point, so 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:54.800 typing doesn't get my point across what I'm trying to say. 0:09:55.160 --> 0:09:57.839 So I feel like it's stupid for me to do that. 0:09:57.920 --> 0:09:59.280 So I feel like it's better in person. 0:09:59.679 --> 0:10:03.680 I think it's also increasingly common for couples to fight 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:07.559 over text message in this day and age, because we're 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:10.920 in the digital age. But yeah, as you said, I 0:10:10.920 --> 0:10:14.680 think text messages are super hard because you can't hear 0:10:14.960 --> 0:10:18.880 tone in text messages. Often people when they're having a 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:23.960 discussion or a heated argument or a disagreement. There's nonverbal 0:10:24.040 --> 0:10:27.360 cues that people can pick up context, and I guess 0:10:27.400 --> 0:10:31.760 that leads to misunderstanding, and then it can escalate arguments 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:36.280 instead of helping it simmer down. So I guess fighting 0:10:36.320 --> 0:10:40.280 over text message, unless your communication is ten out of 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:46.120 ten rare, can be quite detrimental essentially. 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:49.160 Also, I know a lot for the trolls out there, 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:52.080 people turn into keyboard warriors, and I feel like you 0:10:52.120 --> 0:10:54.200 could do that with your partner as well, Like if 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:56.480 it's not if it's over text, it doesn't carry as 0:10:56.559 --> 0:10:58.520 much weight. You might feel and you might say stuff 0:10:58.520 --> 0:11:00.680 that you don't mean as much because it's like just 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:03.280 over a screen, Like you could say something, oh fuck, 0:11:03.360 --> 0:11:05.120 didn't mean to send that or something like that, you 0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:05.600 know what I mean. 0:11:05.600 --> 0:11:08.040 Where I think it could get nastier via text, Yeah, 0:11:08.080 --> 0:11:08.920 I feel like it could. 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:11.560 Whereas if you're looking your partner dead in the eyes 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:13.840 and you're sitting across from them or just talking to 0:11:13.920 --> 0:11:16.680 him in person, for like, you're way less likely to 0:11:16.720 --> 0:11:21.880 say you know more stuff like that happy snuffy is 0:11:21.880 --> 0:11:23.640 probably the right words stuff. Yeah. 0:11:23.679 --> 0:11:27.240 So one in four couples actually report to having frequent 0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:30.160 arguments over text message, So that's pretty high. 0:11:30.240 --> 0:11:31.040 I would say. 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:31.680 Twenty five percent. 0:11:32.760 --> 0:11:38.920 Yeah, And this includes misunderstandings, disagreements, tension all through text message. 0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:41.920 So a lot of people are turning to text to 0:11:42.080 --> 0:11:45.719 have these arguments. And I think in some cases it 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:49.720 can be that people don't necessarily feel confident enough to 0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:52.319 say what they want to say to someone's face. It's harder, 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:55.520 Like you said, like the trolling thing. It's it's very 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:58.520 easy to send a little text message or be a troll. 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:00.640 But as soon as you have to say to someone's face, 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:02.679 do you have the balls to say, do you. 0:12:02.640 --> 0:12:05.000 Have the courage to go there with them? I don't know. 0:12:05.720 --> 0:12:08.280 I mean you probably should with your partner, but I guess. 0:12:08.160 --> 0:12:09.120 Should with your partner. 0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:12.360 But in some scenarios, people still don't feel comfortable saying 0:12:12.400 --> 0:12:15.760 things to their partner face to face. And if they 0:12:15.800 --> 0:12:19.760 can really like execute and you know, make up a 0:12:19.800 --> 0:12:22.400 really good message with the beginning, middle, and end and 0:12:22.800 --> 0:12:25.360 explain their point really well so they feel like they're 0:12:25.360 --> 0:12:28.560 being heard, it can be an easier solution than just 0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:29.400 having a conversation. 0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:31.800 I was literally just thinking that if you write down 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:34.679 something and it's it goes like it's got the right 0:12:34.800 --> 0:12:37.439 language and you say and everything. I feel like I 0:12:37.440 --> 0:12:39.680 could understand why people would send that to their partner 0:12:39.840 --> 0:12:42.160 to just be like, hey, I feel this way when 0:12:42.160 --> 0:12:44.920 you did this this morning. Yah yeah, yeah yeah, and 0:12:44.960 --> 0:12:46.800 get their point across and then that's easier than like 0:12:46.880 --> 0:12:50.160 stewing on it all day and coming home or whatever. 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:54.440 I see that, and like, people don't always aren't always 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:59.280 comfortable with conflict. For me, I'm totally cool if someone 0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:00.720 comes to me and goes, I have a problem with 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:03.160 you with this, Like I'm not going to cry about that. 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:04.640 I'll be like, oh, I'm really sorry. 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:07.319 If I hear what they've said and I'm like, oh, 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:09.720 that would suck, I'll be like I'm so sorry that 0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:12.680 you know I've offended you or whatever. Like I'm cool 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:15.440 with conflicts, but some people aren't. Like some people could 0:13:15.440 --> 0:13:19.160 hear any level of criticism and burst out crying or 0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:22.760 just you know, it really stresses them out. And research 0:13:22.800 --> 0:13:26.679 suggests that fifty percent of couples actually feel that texting 0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:31.520 can increase stress or anxiety in a relationship. So again, 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:33.920 back to your point, back to the commandments, we really 0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:38.640 want to avoid any sort of arguments over text. I mean, 0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:40.839 pick up the phone and call them if someone sends 0:13:40.880 --> 0:13:44.240 you a long message explaining their feelings, if it was me, 0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:46.400 if it was like a friend or a partner, I 0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:47.920 would immediately just pick up the phone and. 0:13:47.840 --> 0:13:49.960 Go, hey, I'm really sorry about this. 0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:52.880 Yeah, I agree. I think that, like you keep the 0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:56.840 text messages to like not even like general chit chat. 0:13:56.920 --> 0:13:59.040 Really just keep them to stuff that need to be 0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:02.480 broken about. Yeah, you know what I mean. Like, for instance, 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:04.480 I read another thing online somewhere and it was like 0:14:04.559 --> 0:14:07.840 keep text messages to shopping lists and something or something 0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:10.640 in else, like just keep it basic, the basics, and 0:14:10.640 --> 0:14:12.920 then like, you know, people live busy lives. I get it. 0:14:12.920 --> 0:14:15.959 Some people have office jobs. They can't like go out 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:18.640 and take phone calls. But like save that chat maybe 0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:20.600 for the phone call when you get on your lunch 0:14:20.600 --> 0:14:22.400 break on smoke or something and then. 0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:23.920 Smoke, O what are we? 0:14:25.240 --> 0:14:27.240 Yeah? You know what I mean, Like some people's partners 0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:28.440 might be builders or something. You know. 0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:32.520 I know, I'm just save it. We don't call it 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:35.160 smoke anymore. Smoking is out? 0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:37.760 So what do they call it recess? I haven't been 0:14:37.800 --> 0:14:40.600 on a job some years. What do they call it recess? 0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:44.520 I'm not on a job, but you like coffee. 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:46.120 Break, coffee break, Yeah, take like, go and take a 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:48.400 phone call, then like and then, And it actually might 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:49.880 end up being better for you because you might not 0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:51.720 be sitting on your phone the whole day texting. You 0:14:51.800 --> 0:14:53.600 might get more productive from me at your desk or 0:14:53.640 --> 0:14:55.160 at the site and do that sort of stuff. 0:14:55.360 --> 0:14:57.000 Let's talk about tone. 0:14:57.520 --> 0:15:03.840 Okay, have you ever someone message you saying okay, oh you. 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:07.560 Want to start a fight, say kay, they're fighting words. 0:15:07.680 --> 0:15:10.400 Doesn't need to be fighting words, though, your responses need 0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:11.240 to be fighting words. 0:15:11.480 --> 0:15:12.600 If someone's saying. 0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:15.360 Katie you, maybe you can be like, why are they 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:18.040 saying kay to me? Obviously I pissed them off? 0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:19.480 What about a thumbs up emoji? 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:23.400 Oh, it's a way to really boil my blood. 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:27.240 All that sort of stuff grinds my years. 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:30.560 I reckon, and I think, like, I think that's why 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:34.040 tone is so important. So about seventy percent of conflicts 0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:39.720 arise over texts that are attributed to tone misinterpretation. So, 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:43.840 as you said, tone is super important. And there are 0:15:43.880 --> 0:15:46.720 things that we can say that we know is going. 0:15:46.560 --> 0:15:49.240 To rile up our partner, Oh you know, yeah, wasn't 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:51.800 our producer Blake was saying if his partner puts a 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:55.119 full stop at the end of something, he's like, that's 0:15:55.440 --> 0:15:57.240 that's like fighting. I agree, Like I said, if you 0:15:57.280 --> 0:15:58.920 put a random full stop at the end of something, 0:15:58.960 --> 0:15:59.760 you're saying. 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:03.520 That's I wouldn't pick up a full start really, but 0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:08.200 like a k or a shawl or you know, just 0:16:08.240 --> 0:16:12.480 like there's really like bo right righter. I've never had 0:16:12.480 --> 0:16:15.680 a ride over before, had no, but I mean, I 0:16:15.720 --> 0:16:17.840 can imagine how frustrating. 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:21.440 Or a mate ah by your partner. 0:16:24.200 --> 0:16:25.360 What do I call you? 0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:29.400 What do we call each other when we're arguing, When 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:32.120 we're just talking, we'll be like not borrow, but it's 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:32.920 like dude. 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:35.560 We call each other dude. Yeah, Like Matt will be like. 0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:37.920 Oh, dude, blah blah blah, and I'll be like, yeah, dude, 0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:40.560 blah blah blah. And sometimes like if Michael's annoying me, 0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:42.840 I'll be like dude and he'll be like, don't call me. 0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:46.360 Yeah no, I've said Tammy called me mate before, and 0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:49.200 I'm like, I'm not your fucking mate. Like I mean, 0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:51.360 I am, but I'm not mate. 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:53.680 Yeah, Like Michael hates me called dude, but I'm like 0:16:53.760 --> 0:16:55.520 me and Matt call each other, dude, and he's like, yeah, 0:16:55.520 --> 0:16:58.080 but you guys call each other that, Like normally it's 0:16:58.120 --> 0:16:59.520 not like in a in a. 0:16:59.480 --> 0:17:08.560 Disagree So when you're arguing in text, which we really 0:17:09.920 --> 0:17:14.680 where's your head at? We disagree with? We highly recommend against. 0:17:15.440 --> 0:17:17.640 We've all been there. But like, it's obviously not. 0:17:17.640 --> 0:17:19.959 Idea if you can try avoid it, I definitely recommend 0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:23.920 it to pick up a phone, but slow responsors, vague replies, 0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:26.520 or not replying at all can trigger feelings of neglect 0:17:26.960 --> 0:17:29.840 or disrespect. In fact, thirty one percent of people report 0:17:29.880 --> 0:17:33.159 feeling upset or ignored when their partner doesn't respond to 0:17:33.240 --> 0:17:34.040 text quick enough. 0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:36.080 Yeah, it's not ideal. 0:17:36.400 --> 0:17:38.679 That's for those anxious attachment style people. 0:17:38.800 --> 0:17:41.360 Well yeah, and like, the thing is if you're having 0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:43.600 a text message conversation with someone and then all of 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:48.600 a sudden they just stop replying, and you're like riled 0:17:48.680 --> 0:17:50.200 up in the. 0:17:50.080 --> 0:17:53.200 Midst of it all, you're like, where did they go? 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:54.120 Come back? 0:17:54.520 --> 0:17:56.679 And the thing is is they can be like I 0:17:56.720 --> 0:17:59.240 was in a meeting, I was busy, my life doesn't 0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:01.639 revolve around tech, and you can't say anything because you're like, 0:18:01.720 --> 0:18:02.600 that's that's true. 0:18:02.760 --> 0:18:05.000 But politely. They should probably say, hey, I'm going into 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:05.480 a meeting. 0:18:05.960 --> 0:18:08.520 I would say that, but then you're like, are you 0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:11.159 really or are you just pissed off with me? You know, 0:18:11.359 --> 0:18:13.240 like it never it can never end. 0:18:13.840 --> 0:18:14.840 Yeah, right. 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:20.520 Interestingly, a study found that forty two percent of participants 0:18:20.560 --> 0:18:25.080 admitted that they analyzed their partner's texts, which often led 0:18:25.520 --> 0:18:31.440 to conflict. So, like you said, going mia slow replies 0:18:32.400 --> 0:18:34.919 your partners like why are they taking ages to reply? 0:18:36.040 --> 0:18:37.800 Like why? What's more important than me? 0:18:38.600 --> 0:18:44.680 Yeah? And have you ever received a really long message 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:47.000 from someone, like a guy? 0:18:47.240 --> 0:18:47.440 Yeah? 0:18:48.600 --> 0:18:54.480 I mean as a guy personally, you don't really send Yeah, 0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:57.320 I don't know. Maybe my people I hang around and 0:18:57.359 --> 0:19:00.000 myself my mates where I would say we're not there 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:03.760 like that. I wouldn't send a long essay over text. 0:19:03.880 --> 0:19:04.200 Okay. 0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:07.480 So I remember I was actually dating this specific guy 0:19:07.800 --> 0:19:12.040 MM and from day dot he was sending me long 0:19:12.160 --> 0:19:15.040 messages to the point where it was like I was 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:18.440 interested in him at the start, but I was like, geez, 0:19:18.520 --> 0:19:22.359