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Speaker 1: Hello, welcome back to Just for Girls, Girls Guide.

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Speaker 2: Girl's Guide. Back on it. On that Thursday, we're doing

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Speaker 2: another dilemma session because we always get sent dilemmas and

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Speaker 2: it's just such fun.

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Speaker 3: I love filming dilommer.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so good. It's so easy and connecting with

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Speaker 2: you guys. I feel like it's a good way for

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Speaker 2: you guys to be like, oh, well that's my story.

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Speaker 1: And I always when I would listen to other people's podcasts,

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Speaker 1: my favorite episode is always the submission episode.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why I love Girls Bathroom. Yeah, it's so

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Speaker 2: very intent. Yea, because there's just a whole thing of

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Speaker 2: dilemmas every week. Yeah, so fun. They do like Girl's

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Speaker 2: Guide and then they do Boys Guides.

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Speaker 3: The boys sends in all these.

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Speaker 2: But they talk about their boy problems and then they

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Speaker 2: talk about like you know.

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Speaker 3: What I have. I wonder. I don't think a boy

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Speaker 3: has ever sent in. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes I do send them into the Girl's Bathroom. Though,

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Speaker 2: if you ever have like a submission like don't worry

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Speaker 2: You're anonymous, will get you a secret if you want

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Speaker 2: to know some secrets about girls.

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Speaker 1: Like please boys, we are open for boys submissions. Yeah, always, always, always,

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Speaker 1: We're always open for the.

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Speaker 2: Legs, wide open up, legs, wide open, you know, like

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Speaker 2: we just want it.

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Speaker 1: One has this wild delusion that we're like it's slot

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Speaker 1: down bikes. You we are frigid as far like I

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Speaker 1: see these comments on our thing, which they don't affect

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Speaker 1: us at all because we're not like we know.

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Speaker 3: But it's like, and so what if I was a

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Speaker 3: Talian run through and like that? By rude?

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Speaker 2: I can't get one if I try for like a.

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Speaker 1: There's no town bikes, but if you are a town bike,

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Speaker 1: doesn't matter who uses it anyway.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so let's get into the dilemmas.

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Speaker 2: All right, Dilemma number one. I've got a dilemma and

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Speaker 2: I need some advice. I just don't need some advice

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Speaker 2: value girls, Are you mocking me a little bit? Are

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Speaker 2: you mocking me? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Fuck?

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Speaker 2: I just woke up with my boyfriend of one point

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Speaker 2: five years because he was not putting in any effort

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Speaker 2: into our relationship and I felt it was so one

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Speaker 2: sided for so long, and I wasn't happy Anyways. One

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Speaker 2: of my close friends from work, who's always had a

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Speaker 2: little thing for me, was so nice and sweet and caring,

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Speaker 2: which is what I craved for from my ex. Anyways,

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Speaker 2: things went on and we started a thing, and I'm

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Speaker 2: into deep with this thing and with this other guy,

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Speaker 2: and he's telling me he loves me and he's only

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Speaker 2: happy because of me. But I'm not ready for that

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Speaker 2: type of thing right now because telling her, but she's

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Speaker 2: saying she's not ready she just got out of a

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Speaker 2: big relationship. Okay. Also, I'm kind of not even over

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Speaker 2: my breakup and I still love him so much. And

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Speaker 2: every time we see each other out, we end up

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Speaker 2: seeing each other and only talking and stuff. But this

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Speaker 2: happens every time. How do I tell this other guy

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Speaker 2: that I don't want anything right now but I still

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Speaker 2: want to hang out because he's a very good guy

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Speaker 2: and it's so nice in all green flags. Please help

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Speaker 2: love you guys.

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Speaker 1: I honestly think the way you've almost worded it to us,

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Speaker 1: so it's kind of exactly what exact to say to him, Like,

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Speaker 1: I know it's never going to be easy telling someone

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Speaker 1: that you like and still want to be around that

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Speaker 1: say like you're not feeling something in.

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Speaker 2: Respect if he then doesn't want to be around you,

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Speaker 2: But I think he owes like you owe him the

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Speaker 2: truth and just be like, it's just not right of

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Speaker 2: me out coming out of a fresh out of a relation.

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Speaker 1: Read like that is kind of a built in, perfect

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Speaker 1: excuse for something like this, that's actually true. I've just

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Speaker 1: come out of a relationship. I'm not over it yet,

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Speaker 1: I'm not ready, but being around you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, just say it's not fair on you if I

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Speaker 2: like am half asked and I'm not ready to commit

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Speaker 2: because I'm still thinking about my ex every day. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: fair enough.

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Speaker 1: But let's stay barties, Let's stay best easy, and if

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Speaker 1: he likes you, he will probably still want to be

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Speaker 1: around you anyways. But I think it is definitely worth

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Speaker 1: mentioning that you're not looking for anything romantic with him.

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Speaker 2: Right now completely. You answer the question for yourself, Babe.

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Speaker 2: We support you and your decision, and you just follow

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Speaker 2: through with it.

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Speaker 3: Dilemma number two.

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Speaker 1: I just listen to your dilemma and thought i'd send

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Speaker 1: my delivery in thanks.

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Speaker 2: This.

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Speaker 1: So, I was in a relationship with this guy let's

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Speaker 1: call him Tom, for close to two years out of nowhere.

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Speaker 1: He broke up with me, and he didn't really give

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Speaker 1: me an explanation or anything. He basically called me saying

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Speaker 1: he needed space, and after not hearing from him from

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Speaker 1: two weeks, I wrapped up to his house, obviously very confused,

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Speaker 1: and then he broke up with me. Two days later,

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Speaker 1: I get a message from one of my best friends,

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Speaker 1: let's call her Jess.

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Speaker 3: I am a feeling I'm not gonna like Jess.

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Speaker 2: Me Jo.

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Speaker 3: For context.

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Speaker 1: Jess and I have been friends since primary school. We

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Speaker 1: went to school together and did practically everything else together

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Speaker 1: as well. In the message, she said she'd heard about

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Speaker 1: the breakup and invited me to come over for movies

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Speaker 1: and take away.

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Speaker 2: Well that's sweet, that's really nice.

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Speaker 1: So I did and cried to her for hours and

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Speaker 1: ended up having a great night and she cheered me

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Speaker 1: up later.

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Speaker 2: I Jess should yeah, good on Jess.

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Speaker 1: Later that week, Jess calls me to let me know

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Speaker 1: she's going out for drinks to the group of friends

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Speaker 1: and wanted to let me know that Tom was also

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Speaker 1: going to be there and asked if I was okay

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Speaker 1: with it, to which I said I wasn't super happy,

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Speaker 1: but okay, and I appreciated her letting me know maturity. Now,

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Speaker 1: since this night, Jess has become more and more distant,

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Speaker 1: but I didn't think too much of it as life

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Speaker 1: gets busy. Fast forward two months, I get a call

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Speaker 1: from a close friend saying she's seen Just and Tom out.

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Speaker 2: Together, just the two of them. Fuck this bitch.

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Speaker 3: I have this thing.

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Speaker 1: Girls get close to you and ask you about your

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Speaker 1: fucking boyfriend all the time because they want your fucking boyfriend.

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Speaker 1: Every time we'd have a fight. There was one girl's

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Speaker 1: house that I would always go to. I would always

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Speaker 1: cry to her. She would tell me everything, like everything

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Speaker 1: was gonna be okay.

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Speaker 3: She'd always talk to me about it.

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Speaker 1: She was like the one that was most there, and

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Speaker 1: then she's the one that started fucking him.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, a couple weeks later.

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Speaker 1: You know, behavior, it's always something I like that, but

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Speaker 1: then it's like kind of friend, just be nice that

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Speaker 1: you can't assume that of every friend that comes out

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Speaker 1: of woodworks, so to help you in a situation, you're

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Speaker 1: a neat, you know.

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Speaker 3: Anyway.

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Speaker 1: I continue to hear rumors from other people, but I

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Speaker 1: didn't think too much into it, as I thought there's

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Speaker 1: no way she would do that to me. I eventually

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Speaker 1: get a message from Jess saying, hey, girl, I was

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Speaker 1: wondering if you wanted to have a coffee this week.

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Speaker 1: Keeping in mind I haven't heard from this girl on

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Speaker 1: the two months since the breakup. I basically responded with,

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Speaker 1: if this is about Tom and the room is a true, no,

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Speaker 1: I would not like to But if all this isn't true,

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Speaker 1: then yes, I'd love to see you.

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Speaker 3: She immediately confessed to be seeing him.

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Speaker 1: But are sure, fucking bag, I am serious, fucking dude,

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Speaker 1: David's imagine you reading that message and just fuck my

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Speaker 1: heart sinking. Yeah, She immediately confess to be seeing him,

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Speaker 1: but assured me and it only just started she had

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Speaker 1: genuine feelings.

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Speaker 3: I don't care if you have genuine.

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Speaker 2: Feeling If you had genuine feelings because you've gone behind

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Speaker 2: my fucking back for two months, I hope they're fucking genuine, baby,

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Speaker 2: because you've just fucked up my friendship with you. I

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Speaker 2: hope they're genuine the fucking friendship that we had because

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Speaker 2: you've just fucked me.

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Speaker 1: Or I don't want them to be genuine because fuck you, guys,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted to fuck up.

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Speaker 2: You know, we can be petty, we can calmark guys.

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Speaker 2: Remember it always bites them back in the face.

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Speaker 3: And then it came out of nowhere.

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Speaker 1: Et cetera obviously express how disappointed I was and immediately

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Speaker 1: blocked up.

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Speaker 3: Good job Sis.

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Speaker 1: The next day, Tom hard launches their relationship on his

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Speaker 1: Instagram story here later from Jess's roommate he was over

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Speaker 1: at their apartment the same week of our breakup.

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Speaker 3: Now, since Jess and I have.

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Speaker 1: A lot of mutuals, I will inevitably run into her

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Speaker 1: at some point. I would love to know what your

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Speaker 1: advice would be if I run into her.

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Speaker 3: Silence is keep ignore, ignore, ignore.

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Speaker 2: Remember what we said in Tuesday's episode, Karma is silence.

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Speaker 2: It will bite them back in the face. Jess will

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Speaker 2: realize Tom will probably do the same thing he did

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Speaker 2: to fucking Jess to another fucking chick, and you just

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Speaker 2: have to sit back and watch it all up Feld,

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Speaker 2: don't give into it.

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Speaker 1: Like bottom line is, there is nothing you can do

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Speaker 1: at this point to change the way the relationship goes.

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Speaker 2: So I would I wouldn't be overly friendly.

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Speaker 3: I don't just don't talk to them and live you

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Speaker 3: best life.

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Speaker 2: Like, don't think I would give him a little bit

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Speaker 2: of a side eye if they say hello, be like hi, yeah, Like,

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Speaker 2: just be super blunt.

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Speaker 3: Don't talk to them, don't do the whole, but.

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Speaker 2: Actn't because they want a reaction out of you, so

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Speaker 2: then they can then go home into each other's bed

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Speaker 2: and fucking bitch about you. Act unbothered and unfaired and.

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Speaker 1: You kick it up fast, which yeah, once again, talking

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Speaker 1: from experience only leads to nothing but them giving up

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Speaker 1: giving them a topic.

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Speaker 2: Of conversation, like they're just gonna sit. I'm going to.

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Speaker 1: Break up because you're there crying at this event, do

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean? They don't give a fuck.

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Speaker 1: Clearly they've proved that again and again. So just you know,

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Speaker 1: hang out with your friends, try and you know, be

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Speaker 1: happy and enjoy your night. Try not to be got

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Speaker 1: fucking daring at them.

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Speaker 2: I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry they absolute can't.

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Speaker 1: So just silences, keep say hello, don't you don't be angry,

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Speaker 1: but I know you are angry, but just try and

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Speaker 1: literally act like it hasn't affected your life in the

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Speaker 1: ladders even though it has.

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Speaker 3: It's better to outwardly show that.

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Speaker 1: So you don't give them any ammunition because nothing's going

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Speaker 1: to change. But they'll get their come up and it's

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Speaker 1: a favorite word now, so don't fret.

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Speaker 3: Sister.

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Speaker 2: Dilemma number three Hey, girls, A bit of a long dilemma,

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Speaker 2: but hoping for some advice. Three months ago, my boyfriend

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Speaker 2: of two years, who I thought would I'd spend the

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Speaker 2: rest of my life with, broke up with me over

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Speaker 2: the phone while I was into State studying.

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Speaker 3: I got dumped over the phone too. It's fucking ridiculous.

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Speaker 2: Before I moved into States, we promise each other if

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Speaker 2: we were going to end it, it would be in person.

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Speaker 2: After having a conversation.

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Speaker 3: I wonder why that had been something prediscussed.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Interesting, I probably.

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Speaker 1: Feel like it must have been coming on from both

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Speaker 1: of your parts if that was something.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, she said that she thought she'd spend the

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Speaker 2: rest of her life with him. Instead of doing that,

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Speaker 2: he ended on a Saturday night while he was drunk,

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Speaker 2: leaving me heartbroken and so confused with no family or

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Speaker 2: friends around.

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Speaker 1: That's so so sad, I've been dumped. Well, they were

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Speaker 1: drunk at a party, just called me. Everyone was laughing

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Speaker 1: around him. We're done, hung up, blocked me.

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Speaker 2: Fuck that. The next day, I you home and texted

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Speaker 2: saying meet me as I deserve to hear the breakup

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Speaker 2: in personal Good on you. He didn't show and didn't answer.

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Speaker 2: My phone calls, so I flew back into state as

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Speaker 2: I had exams to get back for. I didn't hear

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Speaker 2: from him again. A few weeks later, I went home

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Speaker 2: for six weeks for my UNI break. In this time,

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Speaker 2: he drunk called me to pick him up. We saw

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Speaker 2: each other where he pretended I didn't exist, and then

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Speaker 2: he messaged me to meet him for a coffee to

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Speaker 2: chat about how our lives are going. This prick, this guy.

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Speaker 1: It's like he's completely forgotten that You've had a three

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Speaker 1: fucking year relationship.

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Speaker 3: This guy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, given I was in love with him, I jumped

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Speaker 2: at any chance to see him. When we met for coffee,

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Speaker 2: he told me he missed me, but he wouldn't get

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Speaker 2: back with me. After six weeks of having glimpses of hope,

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Speaker 2: he ended up ghosting me right before I had left.

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Speaker 2: This guy's taking you for a ride. I'm so sorry. Obviously,

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Speaker 2: I was even more hurt and confused as to how

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Speaker 2: he could eat so easily forget I existed and get

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Speaker 2: on his life like nothing went to him. Do not worry,

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Speaker 2: it will come back and bite him in the face.

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Speaker 3: The more they.

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Speaker 1: Pretend feel it first, and the boys feel it down

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Speaker 1: the line.

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Speaker 2: They just pretend it doesn't happen, and it all hits

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Speaker 2: them hard and fast.

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Speaker 1: But it's a very common practice that boys literally will

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Speaker 1: end a relationship and boys just work differently, Like no,

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Speaker 1: those first couple of weeks, they'll be like, I'm free,

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Speaker 1: this is amazing, this is even while the girl's like

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Speaker 1: crying on the floor, and then it swaps.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Fast forward to now having my confidence crush and

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Speaker 2: being dumped like a wet rag. I decide to get

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Speaker 2: onto Hinge and having a little confidence booths always good,

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Speaker 2: always respond.

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Speaker 3: It's nice to see that people.

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Speaker 2: However, I met someone there who's so lovely and I'm

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Speaker 2: making a real connection with But the day after I

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Speaker 2: spend time with your new guy, I feel so sad

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Speaker 2: and angry. Sad because it feels like I'm doing something

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Speaker 2: wrong and I'm moving on way too quickly, and angry

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Speaker 2: that I've been forced to move it on. It's only

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Speaker 2: been three months post break up. This is this too

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Speaker 2: soon to be moving on? And why do I feel

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Speaker 2: so guilty?

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Speaker 3: I don't think it's too soon.

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Speaker 1: I think that totally depends on you, but I think

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Speaker 1: it might like I don't think it's too soon in

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Speaker 1: the general aspect, but I think it might be too

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Speaker 1: soon for you, yeah, because you clearly don't seem to

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Speaker 1: be over it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and getting on hinge and like speaking to new

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Speaker 2: guys and like getting your confidence up really to teach

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Speaker 2: you like, no, I am worthy of like being treated

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Speaker 2: nicely and like, oh people do find me hord and

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Speaker 2: everything like that, like do it as that. But then

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Speaker 2: if you're not ready to go on dates, and if

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Speaker 2: you're not ready to see someone, you sometimes have to

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Speaker 2: go on those dates to realize you're not ready. And

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Speaker 2: that's what I had, Like, Yeah, I think I bounced

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Speaker 2: back from my breakup like quite quickly, and I was

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Speaker 2: kind of like fuck this. I kind of acted a

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Speaker 2: little bit like a guy and was like whatever, whatever, whatever,

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Speaker 2: like got attention from men, and I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: this is great, Like fuck, being single is so good.

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Speaker 2: But then like after I would hang out with them,

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Speaker 2: I'd still be comparing everything that they did to my

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Speaker 2: ex and.

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Speaker 3: That meaning you're not ready for anything real.

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Speaker 2: Yes, And I was like, oh, maybe I'm not ready

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Speaker 2: for a relationship or like those people don't have to

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Speaker 2: be a relationship and maybe you just like do it

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Speaker 2: as that instead of being like I need a fucking

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Speaker 2: new boyfriend.

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Speaker 1: I just think the thing is you really need to

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Speaker 1: learn to be alone. And that's something that I've like

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Speaker 1: stood by, and I do have a lot of people

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Speaker 1: around me that get into relationships like so quickly. And

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Speaker 1: you've just had another person in your life for three years,

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Speaker 1: so you'll got two years you're gonna be feeling that

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Speaker 1: ache and missing them, but another boy is not going

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Speaker 1: to feel that hole that that last boy left.

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Speaker 3: You need to like be by yourself.

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Speaker 1: Yes, you can chat to boys online and stuff, but

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Speaker 1: clearly if it is upsetting you, you're not ready. I

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Speaker 1: think you just need to take a little bit of

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Speaker 1: time honestly, actually not on the dating apps, not having

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Speaker 1: boys on your mind, and just being like, all right,

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Speaker 1: let's just do what's good for me.

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Speaker 3: Let's heal for me.

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Speaker 1: And I think you'll know when you're ready because it

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Speaker 1: won't be he won't be on your mind every second

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Speaker 1: of the day, and I feel like he is no.

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Speaker 2: And I think you have a lot of unanswered questions

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Speaker 2: from your last relationship and you just need to know

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Speaker 2: that the only person that's now going to provide closure

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Speaker 2: is yourself. And like you just gotta get up, move on,

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Speaker 2: realize that he's not the guy for you. The guy

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Speaker 2: that is right for you won't treat you like that,

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Speaker 2: won't behave that way.

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Speaker 1: You may just have to come to terms with that

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Speaker 1: you won't get the answers that you want, and just

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Speaker 1: start learning and start again.

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Speaker 2: But like fall in love with yourself again and like

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Speaker 2: find comforting yourself and like everything like that. And when

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Speaker 2: you start doing that is when you start to actually

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Speaker 2: become miserable. But like take time for yourself and just

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Speaker 2: do your own thing, and that's when you'll find someone

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Speaker 2: really really cool.

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Speaker 3: The next guy is never going to fix it if

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Speaker 3: you're not over the first one.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, completely all right.

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Speaker 3: Dilemma number four.

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Speaker 1: My boyfriend loves footy and plays for the essay NFL is.

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Speaker 2: That South Australia Australia. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I gave him a scenario, as my twenty first will

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Speaker 1: be around pre season football, so trial matches, et cetera.

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Speaker 1: I said, if my twenty first was on a Saturday

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Speaker 1: and you had a trial match that day, you would

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Speaker 1: come to mind, right, And.

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Speaker 3: So it clearly wasn't what I expected.

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Speaker 1: He said, I would just come after am I being

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Speaker 1: too dramatic and it's not a big deal or should

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Speaker 1: he be attending my twenty first? I think considering we've

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Speaker 1: been together for so long and it's my twenty first,

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Speaker 1: he wouldn't even think twice about that.

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Speaker 3: What do you think?

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Speaker 2: Okay, obviously we have both been with AFL players, and

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Speaker 2: I think AFL and like footy people, their life is

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Speaker 2: very glamorized and like being a girlfriend in one of

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Speaker 2: those perspectives, And like, I'm so sorry, I'm probably not

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Speaker 2: going to tell you what you need to hear, but

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Speaker 2: like you just got to copy it. And like if

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00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,680
Speaker 2: he said that he'd come after, he'd come after. But

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00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,680
Speaker 2: like that is a big thing for you, and you're

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Speaker 2: the one who ends up having to give up more

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Speaker 2: and to compromise more for people who are wanting to

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Speaker 2: make AFIL work or wanting to make s a NFL.

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Speaker 2: I know that the South Australian Football League's pretty intense

383
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Speaker 2: from past experience.

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Speaker 1: I don't think that's as easy as just going, hey, guys,

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Speaker 1: I can't come to this match.

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Speaker 3: To that, Yeah, that's the thing, I don't think.

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Speaker 2: But like he would be like, yeah, I'll play my footy.

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Speaker 2: I won't go to afters with them. I won't hang

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Speaker 2: out with the pub with them. I'll just play footy

390
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Speaker 2: then come after. That is like him also compromising by

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Speaker 2: not hanging out with his mates after and.

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Speaker 3: It or not even compromising.

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Speaker 1: I think that's what's expected of him, and I think

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Speaker 1: he should be coming straight to your twenty first, the moment,

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Speaker 1: the fucking yeah.

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Speaker 2: But to say that he's quitting that for your twenty first,

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Speaker 2: I think he's asking a lot from him.

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Speaker 1: And I don't think like you're not really allowed to

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Speaker 1: just be like, Okay, I can't go to this game.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like if it was just club footy, sure, but.

401
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,920
Speaker 1: Like that's like it's like WFL too, isn't it.

402
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like the waffle, It's like rap leap, like

403
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:02,640
Speaker 2: it's it's hard.

404
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,320
Speaker 1: It's so frustrating though, and you do have to give

405
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Speaker 1: upstand that he's.

406
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Speaker 2: Really frustrating, but like if it makes you feel better,

407
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Speaker 2: I've missed when I was with my ex, I missed.

408
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,600
Speaker 2: We missed every single anniversary. He was away for both

409
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:19,080
Speaker 2: my birthdays. Like you miss a lot, and like they

410
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,160
Speaker 2: do make up for it, and they do feel really

411
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,760
Speaker 2: bad as well, like they also want to be a

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Speaker 2: part of that experience, but like that's their life as well.

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Speaker 2: And I always say that you shouldn't give up things

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Speaker 2: for your partner, and I don't think he should give

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00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,560
Speaker 2: up that for your twenty first if he's saying that

416
00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:33,400
Speaker 2: he's going to come to come to it after he's

417
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,680
Speaker 2: making both things work. If he said, I'm not coming

418
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:38,000
Speaker 2: at all, bit dog, you try to make both things work.

419
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Speaker 2: But he's making both things work.

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Speaker 1: I think he's doing what he can in a sense,

421
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,680
Speaker 1: not saying that. I don't understand that. It's completely funny.

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Speaker 2: Oh it's so frustrating, but like can't do anything about it.

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Speaker 1: So so have the best twenty first though. I love beautiful,

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00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,560
Speaker 1: and then you'll be all in such a good move

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00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:57,320
Speaker 1: with all your friends and he'll show up and it'll

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Speaker 1: be amazing.

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00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:01,520
Speaker 2: Yeah. I hope you're okay, babe. You We love you

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Speaker 2: all right.

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Speaker 1: Guys, thanks for listening to The Girls Guide.

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Speaker 2: We have very fun episodes coming up, so making sure

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Speaker 2: you are stay tuned and we'll see you on Tuesday.

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Speaker 2: You