WEBVTT - MATT BARES ALL

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<v Speaker 1>I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.

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<v Speaker 2>She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of

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<v Speaker 2>my kissing style.

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<v Speaker 1>With the boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's

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<v Speaker 1>in a trash bin. He's non recyclable. Catching him up.

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<v Speaker 2>I love being love. I love love.

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<v Speaker 1>Where's Your Head At Is a podcast that talks all

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<v Speaker 1>things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.

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<v Speaker 2>This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip,

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<v Speaker 2>intimate details, advice, and much more.

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<v Speaker 1>Hello everyone, Hello, It's a bit of a sumber mood

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<v Speaker 1>in the podcast studio today, isn't it. Matt?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So again, been holding off and doing an episode

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<v Speaker 2>like this for a while. Obviously, I guess like when

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<v Speaker 2>you're not at one part of this journey, I've been

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<v Speaker 2>on your sort of of healing and recovering, So jumping

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<v Speaker 2>on here and talking about it is just going to

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<v Speaker 2>open up wounds that you're obviously trying to and obviously

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<v Speaker 2>nothing has been healed yet, so it's still opening up wounds.

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<v Speaker 2>So see how we go. But yeah, Jen and I

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<v Speaker 2>have broken up. It's sad. I guess we broke up

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<v Speaker 2>for pretty much the reason we've been on and off

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<v Speaker 2>since late last year. We were giving it another go.

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<v Speaker 2>I across boundaries that I disrespected her in ways that

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<v Speaker 2>look I'm not proud of it. And when I actually

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<v Speaker 2>it sounds like I cheated on her or something that

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<v Speaker 2>nothing like that happened. It was nothing like that. It

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<v Speaker 2>was more just in a way I wasn't loyal to

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<v Speaker 2>her in situations that I should have been. I definitely

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<v Speaker 2>lost my way. I think that I was brought into

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<v Speaker 2>cultures that are a younger version of me, and I

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<v Speaker 2>should have been more true to who I am now

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<v Speaker 2>and not Yeah, not done that stuff. And obviously it

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<v Speaker 2>was too much for both of us, mostly her, and

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<v Speaker 2>she broke up with me. Yeah, but I'd like to

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<v Speaker 2>apologize to everyone that I haven't been speaking. I haven't

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<v Speaker 2>been open about it. I guess that like when so

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<v Speaker 2>for like a couple of months, you're obviously healing, you're

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<v Speaker 2>trying to get through it, you're trying to you're trying

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<v Speaker 2>to get like an understanding of the situation and not talking,

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<v Speaker 2>and obviously that's hard. We all know how hard going

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<v Speaker 2>no communication is. But then we got to a point

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<v Speaker 2>where we were like, okay, let's like catch up. And

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<v Speaker 2>chat and then we've been chatting ever since, so like

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<v Speaker 2>it's like, well, what do I come on here and

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<v Speaker 2>say we've broken up and now we're chatting? Like you

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<v Speaker 2>know what I mean. It's just sort of like I

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<v Speaker 2>said in the last one, how do I try and

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<v Speaker 2>explain what's happening when I don't know what's happening? You

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<v Speaker 2>know what I mean? I'm confused. So if you guys

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<v Speaker 2>are confused, I'm as confused as you are, if not

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<v Speaker 2>more confused. Yeah, but I realized that I have not power,

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<v Speaker 2>but the responsibility and the due diligence to come on

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<v Speaker 2>this podcast and explain my situation. A couple of a

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<v Speaker 2>couple of weeks ago, like just over a week ago,

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<v Speaker 2>this bloke walked into the sauna and I and I

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<v Speaker 2>called you afterwards, and I was pretty rattled.

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<v Speaker 1>And that was so rattled. He was like, the craziest

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<v Speaker 1>thing has just happened to me.

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<v Speaker 2>I actually sat in my car for like ten minutes

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<v Speaker 2>and just like cried to myself a little bit. So

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<v Speaker 2>this guy walked in and I noticed him straightway. I

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<v Speaker 2>don't like talking to people in the sauna. I just hate,

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<v Speaker 2>I hate I just want to get in there and

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<v Speaker 2>meditate to my own see metimes. Yeah, it's me time.

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<v Speaker 2>But he walked in and I noticed him as he

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<v Speaker 2>walked in because I looked at his like the way

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<v Speaker 2>his frame was, and I was like, shit, that that

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<v Speaker 2>reminds me of like a younger version of myself. Like

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<v Speaker 2>if he just you know, lifted a bit heavier, we

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<v Speaker 2>could he could come to where I am. Like, I

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<v Speaker 2>just I saw myself in the way he looked straight away,

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<v Speaker 2>like tall, broad shoulders. And then he came and like

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<v Speaker 2>I think he saw me look at him. And then

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<v Speaker 2>he came and sat like slightly near him, and like

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<v Speaker 2>I could tell he was to get my attention. He

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<v Speaker 2>kept like looking at me, looking at me, and I

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<v Speaker 2>made eye contact and he's like you're Matt right, and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like yeah yeah, And he goes, oh, I listened

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<v Speaker 2>to your podcast. I love it. He goes, do you

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<v Speaker 2>have like, do you have any advice for me? My

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<v Speaker 2>girlfriend just broke up with me. She said we're on

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<v Speaker 2>different life paths, different journeys. And I was like shit,

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<v Speaker 2>I was like fuck. I was like I was a

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<v Speaker 2>bit relevant. I was like she's and I was like mate,

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, to be honest, man, I'm like, I

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<v Speaker 2>haven't said this on the podcast, but like I'm literally

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<v Speaker 2>in the same thing. My girlfriend Jen broke up with

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<v Speaker 2>me for practically around the same reason. And I was like, look,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know what to advise you because I'm confused.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, and I just the more I spoke

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<v Speaker 2>to him, the more I realized that, like so like

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<v Speaker 2>just a list of points, went to the same school

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<v Speaker 2>as me. He's in sales like me, he's like tall

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<v Speaker 2>at me, he just quit football, like his mom had

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<v Speaker 2>the same job as me, his parents got divorced at

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<v Speaker 2>the same age me, like an oversharer like me, Like

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<v Speaker 2>was just literally the ticking all these things like me.

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<v Speaker 2>And I was like, fuck, Like it was really fronting

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<v Speaker 2>seeing myself in him, do you know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 2>Like I saw a younger version of myself and I

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<v Speaker 2>was like, fuck, Like what advice do I give him?

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<v Speaker 2>I just gave him the advice of like, man if

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<v Speaker 2>I was just like, if you want this girl back

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<v Speaker 2>and you see a futuree with her, like go for it.

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<v Speaker 2>But like if like she's broken up with you to

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<v Speaker 2>like because she doesn't see that. I was like, well,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know what to do, Like I don't know,

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<v Speaker 2>Like I didn't know, and I was a bit confronted

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<v Speaker 2>by that, wasn't I. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Matt like literally called me crying and was like, I

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<v Speaker 1>know this sounds crazy, but I've just spoken to the

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<v Speaker 1>younger version of me. And I was like, okay, like

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<v Speaker 1>what does that mean? Yeah, and like when you explained

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<v Speaker 1>it more like I understood like what you were kind

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<v Speaker 1>of talking about. But it's so weird that just after

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<v Speaker 1>your breakup that had happened to you, because it was

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<v Speaker 1>like it was just like almost like a sign from

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<v Speaker 1>the universe.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that you kind.

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<v Speaker 1>Of like you almost needed to see your younger self,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's like, what advice do you do you want?

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<v Speaker 1>Like what do you want for the younger version of you?

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<v Speaker 2>I also tell him as well. I told him as

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<v Speaker 2>well because he was sort of like so he was

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<v Speaker 2>like twenty one, and he was like, you know, she

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<v Speaker 2>wants me to be doing this and he's like, I've

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<v Speaker 2>very bought property, like she wants a house, and I

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<v Speaker 2>was like to myself, I was like, dude, I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>slow the fuck damn. I when I was your age,

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't have any like it like spy house or

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<v Speaker 2>do that. Yeah, I wasn't in a rush to do that.

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<v Speaker 2>And I was like, I'm really grateful I wasn't. I

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't ready for that stuff then. And I'm like, and

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<v Speaker 2>if you're not ready, and he's like, but I am,

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, but is that what she wants you

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<v Speaker 2>to believe? Is that what she's trying to make you

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<v Speaker 2>think you're ready? And I was like, just stay true

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<v Speaker 2>to what you want. And I was like, when I

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<v Speaker 2>was twenty one, I was like on my second year

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<v Speaker 2>of modeling overseas, you know, like I was blowing each paycheck.

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<v Speaker 2>I got on going out and having fun and living

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<v Speaker 2>my life. And I'm in a situation now where I've

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<v Speaker 2>grown up and I'm obviously like, you know, I've got

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<v Speaker 2>I can look at the stuff that he's looking at,

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<v Speaker 2>but I don't rush it, mate, Like if that's what

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<v Speaker 2>she wants, that's not your timeline, Like do you, like

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<v Speaker 2>stay true to yourself. I wish I'd given him better advice.

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<v Speaker 2>But like when you when people say, like you're meeting

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<v Speaker 2>your younger self, like what would you say to him? Fuck?

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<v Speaker 2>Like when you actually get the chance to, like, you

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<v Speaker 2>freeze up and you don't know what to say because it's.

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<v Speaker 1>Pretty like confronting. Yeah, seeing someone and he's probably listening

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<v Speaker 1>to this episode right now, so high to him. But yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it was a very very odd timing. But we also

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<v Speaker 1>believe in the power of the universe and that the

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<v Speaker 1>universe is always like trying to teach us a lesson, like, yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>We're talking about science, and like a lot of signs.

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<v Speaker 2>Through the last couple of months, I've gotten a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of signs on like what like if I should move on,

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<v Speaker 2>and then I've got more signs that I shouldn't. I

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<v Speaker 2>should work on it. Like it's really hard and it's

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<v Speaker 2>like what scigence do you look at? What do you

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<v Speaker 2>you know what I mean. Also a reason that I

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<v Speaker 2>haven't really jumped on the podcast and wanted to express

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<v Speaker 2>such a gloomy topic and talk about this is obviously

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<v Speaker 2>you've been going through such like milestones in your life

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<v Speaker 2>and your engagement in that, and like I didn't, like,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm happy for you guys are seeing all that and

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<v Speaker 2>it's magical, but I didn't want to jump on here

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<v Speaker 2>and like you know, have like an extreme high of

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<v Speaker 2>like you're engagement, and then we come down to what

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going through, and I didn't want to be selfish

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<v Speaker 2>about it and take away from what you're going through.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not selfish. And we've had this conversation like, at

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<v Speaker 1>the end of the day, I've been through like the

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<v Speaker 1>worst relationships ever and they've been horrendous, and now I'm

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<v Speaker 1>in a really, really happy place. But this is like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, this isn't the norm for me, Like I

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<v Speaker 1>have been through like the worst of worse times, and

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like, you know, you're going through a hard

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<v Speaker 1>time and you can help a lot of people who

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<v Speaker 1>are listening who might be also going through a hard

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<v Speaker 1>time because being super happy, Yeah, it's amazing, but like

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<v Speaker 1>I think there's a lot of people out there who

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<v Speaker 1>can relate much more to what you're going through.

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<v Speaker 2>Because we wouldn't have started this podcast asked if dating

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<v Speaker 2>was easy and relationships were easy, So we're not gonna

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<v Speaker 2>come on here and say they are. There's definitely a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of trials and tribulation, and I don't make it

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<v Speaker 2>much better for myself obviously, I've I've had a lot

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<v Speaker 2>in my life of like what I always thought, I

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<v Speaker 2>just I knew, So how how else at the times

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<v Speaker 2>I knew that I wasn't not hate the word normal.

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<v Speaker 2>But I was different, Like the way I thought, the

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<v Speaker 2>way I looked at things was different. And my mates

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<v Speaker 2>would always say, I would not want to spend you know,

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<v Speaker 2>five minutes in Matt's head, like it just it would

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<v Speaker 2>be fun.

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<v Speaker 1>Why because you overthink?

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<v Speaker 2>I think everything I don't have, Like I just would

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<v Speaker 2>get anxious about staff, like a lot of like I

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<v Speaker 2>feel emotions, like I think anyone that knows me knows

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<v Speaker 2>how much I feel emotions and how much I feel

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<v Speaker 2>sad is and how much I feel happiness.

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<v Speaker 1>And I kind of love that about you because you're

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<v Speaker 1>very open and raw with how you feel.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well a lot of my mates do, like they

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<v Speaker 2>love that about you, but they just said like they

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<v Speaker 2>wouldn't want to be me. And I know a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of my mates as well, Like just the way I

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<v Speaker 2>am it was so different to everyone, and I think

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<v Speaker 2>that it was just like, oh, that's Matt, that's how

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<v Speaker 2>Matt is. And I remember when I was younger, I

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<v Speaker 2>was like these like ups and downs. I'm like, I

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<v Speaker 2>shouldn't be like they shouldn't come as quickly as they do.

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<v Speaker 2>I shouldn't feel so down when I'm down and so

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<v Speaker 2>up when I'm up like Internet. I was like, is

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<v Speaker 2>this like bipolar? I was like, is this what it is?

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<v Speaker 1>So I remember you told me that you thought you

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<v Speaker 1>had bipolar at one point.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so I well, I went and saw a psychiatrist

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<v Speaker 2>and they diagnosed me with bipolar and severe anxiety. And

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh, okay, fair enough, Like I've just

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<v Speaker 2>spoken you for two hours, that's what you think? Like

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<v Speaker 2>it is? You know what I mean? My mum always

0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:41.640
<v Speaker 2>to get a second opinion, but I was like, look

0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:45.160
<v Speaker 2>is what it is. Like she prescribed me different medications

0:10:45.200 --> 0:10:47.240
<v Speaker 2>for it, so I went on one. I did like

0:10:47.280 --> 0:10:49.520
<v Speaker 2>the full three months for it to work. I just

0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:52.280
<v Speaker 2>never found them ever like doing much for me, Like

0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:54.920
<v Speaker 2>they just literally just made me feel drowsy. And I

0:10:55.000 --> 0:10:58.400
<v Speaker 2>was like like this stuff isn't this isn't like it's

0:10:58.440 --> 0:10:59.839
<v Speaker 2>not for me. I know more I read up on

0:11:00.040 --> 0:11:00.520
<v Speaker 2>I poll her.

0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:02.920
<v Speaker 1>I was sort of like, like, you didn't really fit

0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:03.199
<v Speaker 1>the bell.

0:11:03.280 --> 0:11:05.319
<v Speaker 2>I didn't really fit it completely. Like they said that

0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:08.320
<v Speaker 2>it's more like manic sort of depressions, like they go

0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:10.160
<v Speaker 2>for a couple of weeks and you come up and

0:11:10.280 --> 0:11:11.880
<v Speaker 2>that's not it. And I was like, no, that's not me.

0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:15.120
<v Speaker 2>I was like I go like a like a like

0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:17.080
<v Speaker 2>what Jen said, it was like a fucking rollercoaster with me,

0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:20.200
<v Speaker 2>like one minute on Cloud nine and I'm just down.

0:11:20.240 --> 0:11:22.360
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, so I don't think that was me.

0:11:22.520 --> 0:11:24.120
<v Speaker 2>So I sort of like left it for a couple

0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:25.800
<v Speaker 2>of months. I sort of brought it up with Jen

0:11:25.880 --> 0:11:27.600
<v Speaker 2>when she was like, like she said the roll the

0:11:27.679 --> 0:11:30.760
<v Speaker 2>roller coaster story, and I was like, we just spoke

0:11:30.800 --> 0:11:35.080
<v Speaker 2>about it, and then it took her saying so I

0:11:35.120 --> 0:11:38.240
<v Speaker 2>met one of her friends and then like her friend

0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:40.000
<v Speaker 2>saw how I was and all that sort of stuff,

0:11:40.280 --> 0:11:41.960
<v Speaker 2>and then her and her friend got lunch a couple

0:11:42.000 --> 0:11:44.160
<v Speaker 2>of weeks later, and then her friend was like, you

0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:48.360
<v Speaker 2>know that I've got ADHD and I'm pretty convinced, if

0:11:48.400 --> 0:11:51.280
<v Speaker 2>not certain, that Matt has it as well. And Jen

0:11:51.440 --> 0:11:53.600
<v Speaker 2>was like, oh, like what's like why do you think that?

0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:56.240
<v Speaker 2>And then she was like blah blah blah, all these

0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:58.560
<v Speaker 2>reasons why. And then Jen like brought that to my

0:11:58.600 --> 0:12:01.520
<v Speaker 2>attention and I was sort of like, well, the Love

0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:03.760
<v Speaker 2>Island psychiatrist said that when I came.

0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:05.240
<v Speaker 1>Up, Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:08.160
<v Speaker 2>I said, like I think that like you have idio HD.

0:12:08.360 --> 0:12:10.120
<v Speaker 2>I was sort of like Uncleoud n I'm coming off

0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:13.920
<v Speaker 2>a show, so like, yeah, whatever, that's that's future Matt's problem.

0:12:14.040 --> 0:12:17.840
<v Speaker 2>I've casted for another show recently, and the psychiatrist that

0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:20.000
<v Speaker 2>did the interviews with me was like, I want to

0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:23.160
<v Speaker 2>test you for ADHD before we go further. And I

0:12:23.240 --> 0:12:25.200
<v Speaker 2>was sort of like, She's like, are you comfortable with that?

0:12:25.280 --> 0:12:28.000
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, I have lived twenty seven years

0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:32.080
<v Speaker 2>with it because to me, ADHD was more like it

0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:35.360
<v Speaker 2>was more like just at tension thing where like you

0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:37.920
<v Speaker 2>couldn't focus attention, which I knew I couldn't do, but

0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:39.600
<v Speaker 2>I just thought that was me. I didn't like school,

0:12:39.840 --> 0:12:41.800
<v Speaker 2>you know, I mean, I didn't like focusing on little

0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:44.720
<v Speaker 2>things that needed my attention for a long period of time.

0:12:44.760 --> 0:12:46.480
<v Speaker 2>I just thought that was me. And I was like,

0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:50.400
<v Speaker 2>if that's ADHD, like whatever, whatever, I can live with that,

0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:52.600
<v Speaker 2>that's just me. Then I explained to all this to

0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:55.400
<v Speaker 2>my psychologist and then she said, look, when you told

0:12:55.400 --> 0:12:57.920
<v Speaker 2>me that you got diagnosed with bipolar, I thought what

0:12:57.960 --> 0:13:00.559
<v Speaker 2>I've heard from you is more eighty And I was

0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:02.320
<v Speaker 2>like yeah, whatever, you know, like, well, I've had three

0:13:02.360 --> 0:13:05.840
<v Speaker 2>professionals tell me that I've got the symptoms or not symptoms,

0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:07.840
<v Speaker 2>like the traits of someone that has ADHD. And I

0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:10.560
<v Speaker 2>sort of was like, you know, like whatever, to me,

0:13:10.640 --> 0:13:12.319
<v Speaker 2>it's not like it's I can live with it, it's

0:13:12.320 --> 0:13:15.360
<v Speaker 2>what I've been living with. But then it's funny. It

0:13:15.440 --> 0:13:19.200
<v Speaker 2>took a TikTok that came up in my algorithm and

0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:22.240
<v Speaker 2>it was about someone with ADHD and how much coffee

0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:26.280
<v Speaker 2>they drink. So yeah, like we've spoken about it a

0:13:26.280 --> 0:13:29.160
<v Speaker 2>bunch on this on this podcast, and I was sort

0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:30.520
<v Speaker 2>of like, it was like, if you drink a lot

0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:32.800
<v Speaker 2>of coffee, you might have ADHD, so listen to this.

0:13:32.920 --> 0:13:34.040
<v Speaker 2>And I was sort of like, but.

0:13:34.120 --> 0:13:35.800
<v Speaker 1>We both drink a lot of coffee.

0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:38.520
<v Speaker 2>Well, yeah, maybe you might need to, you know, look

0:13:38.520 --> 0:13:42.280
<v Speaker 2>into it. But they said that because they always said

0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:47.440
<v Speaker 2>just drinking coffee not make you feel like anxious or

0:13:47.480 --> 0:13:49.280
<v Speaker 2>make you feel jittery. And I remember the first time

0:13:49.280 --> 0:13:50.720
<v Speaker 2>I got brought to my attention was when I moved

0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:52.000
<v Speaker 2>out and I was living with my mates and they

0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:54.560
<v Speaker 2>saw my coffee intake and they're like, dude, how are

0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:55.840
<v Speaker 2>you not having a heart attack? How do you not

0:13:55.880 --> 0:13:57.840
<v Speaker 2>feel wird? How do you not eat you jittery? And

0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:00.160
<v Speaker 2>I was like, Na, this is just me, This is me.

0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:01.559
<v Speaker 2>This is who I am. I drink a lot of coffee.

0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:03.599
<v Speaker 2>IM addicted to caffeine. I would always say, if I

0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:04.839
<v Speaker 2>don't have coffee.

0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:06.040
<v Speaker 1>I see flat.

0:14:06.080 --> 0:14:08.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm too flat. I feel normal with coffee, I always so,

0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:10.319
<v Speaker 2>I feel like this when I have coffee, not like this.

0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:13.040
<v Speaker 2>So they were set on the TikTok that people with

0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:16.360
<v Speaker 2>ADHD search that for that dopamine intake that coffee has

0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:18.800
<v Speaker 2>and that caffeine gives them. So it's not like an

0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:21.680
<v Speaker 2>amazing massive dopamine here, but it's still like that dopamine

0:14:21.720 --> 0:14:24.840
<v Speaker 2>comes from coffee. That's why they self medicate with caffeine.

0:14:24.960 --> 0:14:27.880
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, oh, that's interesting, Well maybe these

0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:31.000
<v Speaker 2>professionals are onto something. So like I started getting more

0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:34.480
<v Speaker 2>and more into this whole of like ADHD traits and

0:14:34.520 --> 0:14:37.760
<v Speaker 2>how they're fucking meet to its. T he like literally

0:14:37.840 --> 0:14:41.160
<v Speaker 2>mean like the emotional irregularity where you can't control your emotions.

0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:43.160
<v Speaker 2>You go from an extreme up to an extreme down

0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:46.440
<v Speaker 2>literally a text message or out like a as someone

0:14:46.480 --> 0:14:49.040
<v Speaker 2>canceling plans on you, or like a traffic light turning red,

0:14:49.080 --> 0:14:50.440
<v Speaker 2>like you know what I mean, Like all this stuff

0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:53.520
<v Speaker 2>can control your emotions and you feel it so impactfully

0:14:53.920 --> 0:14:56.560
<v Speaker 2>and I was, so people have said we like, you

0:14:56.760 --> 0:14:59.920
<v Speaker 2>haven't been diagnosed. I'm obviously seeing a professional now about it.

0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:03.240
<v Speaker 2>Seeks professional help so I can get that diagnosed about it.

0:15:03.320 --> 0:15:05.360
<v Speaker 2>So when I know more about it, I think that

0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:08.000
<v Speaker 2>we should touch on it a bit more and even

0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:13.240
<v Speaker 2>do an episode about ADHD in relationships because from where

0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:16.000
<v Speaker 2>I'll touch on later is it is definitely a struggle

0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:19.240
<v Speaker 2>or a partner that doesn't have ADHD to understand someone,

0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:24.000
<v Speaker 2>especially when your partner isn't diagnosed with it, when they're

0:15:24.040 --> 0:15:25.880
<v Speaker 2>just saying this is me, like you have to learn

0:15:25.880 --> 0:15:27.080
<v Speaker 2>how to deal with me. And I think that was

0:15:27.080 --> 0:15:30.080
<v Speaker 2>a real struggle for Jen and I was I was like, well,

0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:32.280
<v Speaker 2>this is me, Like why can't you just come from

0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:34.000
<v Speaker 2>this angle and you know you'll get this from me?

0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:36.480
<v Speaker 2>And she sort of was like, but like why would

0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:38.040
<v Speaker 2>I do that? Like do you know what I mean?

0:15:38.680 --> 0:15:41.360
<v Speaker 1>So you guys kind of clashed a little bit ean Jen.

0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:43.920
<v Speaker 2>On the topic of like that, like I was so

0:15:44.160 --> 0:15:47.280
<v Speaker 2>stuck in my ways and I couldn't see from another

0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:53.000
<v Speaker 2>person why they couldn't understand me. And what Jen has

0:15:53.040 --> 0:15:55.920
<v Speaker 2>also brought up to me in recent weeks days since

0:15:55.920 --> 0:15:58.240
<v Speaker 2>we've been talking since we've been going over our relationship

0:15:58.240 --> 0:16:00.120
<v Speaker 2>and where we weren't wrong, and that was how how

0:16:00.200 --> 0:16:03.800
<v Speaker 2>can I expect someone else to understand me when I

0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:06.800
<v Speaker 2>didn't understand myself completely. I was just like, this is me.

0:16:07.480 --> 0:16:09.520
<v Speaker 2>This is like just deal with it sort of thing.

0:16:09.520 --> 0:16:11.520
<v Speaker 1>Which is not the right way to go about things

0:16:11.680 --> 0:16:14.800
<v Speaker 1>at all. Like I think in relationships it's given, take

0:16:14.960 --> 0:16:17.480
<v Speaker 1>and you never want to just be like taking a leader,

0:16:17.720 --> 0:16:20.920
<v Speaker 1>accepted or fuck off. But in the same breath, like

0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:25.080
<v Speaker 1>you know, when things are right, shouldn't it be easy?

0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:26.680
<v Speaker 1>Is the question that I have.

0:16:27.600 --> 0:16:30.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, But like since I've done more research and this

0:16:31.000 --> 0:16:33.320
<v Speaker 2>is what I'm I'm not going to use ADHD as

0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:35.360
<v Speaker 2>an excuse ever, so no one come at me and

0:16:35.400 --> 0:16:36.800
<v Speaker 2>say you're using it as an excuse.

0:16:36.880 --> 0:16:39.440
<v Speaker 1>And you're also not diagnosed as of yet. We're not

0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:42.920
<v Speaker 1>going to play doctor TikTok or doctor yeah, doctor Google.

0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:46.040
<v Speaker 1>But there has been like three or four doctors who

0:16:46.080 --> 0:16:49.480
<v Speaker 1>have said said to you that they think you have it.

0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:52.440
<v Speaker 2>So to go further with the like the things now

0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:54.360
<v Speaker 2>that I'm doing it, going for a professional you to

0:16:54.360 --> 0:16:55.960
<v Speaker 2>get like your reports and they need to go over

0:16:55.960 --> 0:16:57.520
<v Speaker 2>school reports and all this sort of stuff. Talk to

0:16:57.600 --> 0:16:59.280
<v Speaker 2>your parents and all that sort of stuff, So like

0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:03.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm doing the right apps to find the diagnosis. Well,

0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:04.960
<v Speaker 2>what I said. What I said was like, if it

0:17:05.000 --> 0:17:08.560
<v Speaker 2>was one or two traits, I'd be like, you know, maybe,

0:17:08.680 --> 0:17:10.720
<v Speaker 2>but when you're looking at like thirty two to thirty

0:17:10.720 --> 0:17:14.119
<v Speaker 2>five traits, just sort of like, okay, probably there's a

0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:17.760
<v Speaker 2>safe bet. So I'm not blaming ADHD for the demise

0:17:17.800 --> 0:17:21.080
<v Speaker 2>of the relationship. And like you said, we're not trained professionals,

0:17:21.080 --> 0:17:24.320
<v Speaker 2>we're not playing Google doctor. I'm not going to come

0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:27.359
<v Speaker 2>on here and like blame that. But it definitely made

0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:30.480
<v Speaker 2>for situations a lot harder in the way that we

0:17:30.520 --> 0:17:34.080
<v Speaker 2>couldn't come to compromises. I couldn't compromise in my mind

0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:37.359
<v Speaker 2>certain stuff I just struggled to and we clashed on

0:17:37.680 --> 0:17:39.560
<v Speaker 2>We both clashed. We clashed were two, And what I

0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:42.679
<v Speaker 2>say to general the time was we're two different people.

0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:46.719
<v Speaker 2>Where a boy and a girl that starts off different people,

0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:51.320
<v Speaker 2>come from different upbringings, different life experiences, and we're molded

0:17:51.359 --> 0:17:54.879
<v Speaker 2>into the people we are, and we should never expect

0:17:54.960 --> 0:17:58.280
<v Speaker 2>the other person to understand us or think the exact

0:17:58.280 --> 0:18:01.479
<v Speaker 2>same way we are. At the core, our morals and

0:18:01.520 --> 0:18:04.399
<v Speaker 2>everything are the same. But if you take stuff that

0:18:04.680 --> 0:18:08.160
<v Speaker 2>like everyday sort of stuff. One for instance is her

0:18:08.240 --> 0:18:11.080
<v Speaker 2>growing up was you sit at dinner and you all

0:18:11.119 --> 0:18:14.200
<v Speaker 2>sit there and you have dinner together. Right to me,

0:18:14.359 --> 0:18:17.160
<v Speaker 2>dinner was never a thing. We wouldn't we'd come and go.

0:18:17.359 --> 0:18:19.159
<v Speaker 2>You'd come like obviously when we were kids, you'd Mum

0:18:19.200 --> 0:18:20.880
<v Speaker 2>would serve ourselff and we'd sit there. But it would

0:18:21.119 --> 0:18:24.520
<v Speaker 2>now later years from like twelve or thirteen, you'd come

0:18:24.520 --> 0:18:27.119
<v Speaker 2>and go from like footy training, like sisters would have

0:18:27.160 --> 0:18:29.199
<v Speaker 2>like kalis cens ballet training, like you'd come and go

0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:31.320
<v Speaker 2>from different things. You would never be there at the

0:18:31.359 --> 0:18:33.320
<v Speaker 2>same time. But to her family and that it was

0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:35.800
<v Speaker 2>really important to all sit down and have dinner. I'd

0:18:35.840 --> 0:18:37.840
<v Speaker 2>sit down and have dinner with her, but I just wouldn't.

0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:39.720
<v Speaker 2>It wouldn't be the same for me. I'd just be like,

0:18:39.760 --> 0:18:42.600
<v Speaker 2>you know, like yeah. So that was an example of that.

0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:45.399
<v Speaker 2>And to me was I put a lot of emphasis

0:18:45.400 --> 0:18:48.720
<v Speaker 2>on watching a movie or a TV show together and

0:18:48.760 --> 0:18:49.520
<v Speaker 2>she never did that with it.

0:18:49.680 --> 0:18:51.720
<v Speaker 1>That's what your family liked to do to get what we.

0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:54.120
<v Speaker 2>Like to do. Like I know Jay Shetty love him,

0:18:54.119 --> 0:18:57.160
<v Speaker 2>but he says that it's a low value activity to do.

0:18:57.280 --> 0:19:01.560
<v Speaker 2>But if you're growing up Barney, yeah, of course. Do

0:19:01.600 --> 0:19:05.600
<v Speaker 2>you remember the song at the end of Barney Now,

0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:09.439
<v Speaker 2>But at the end it was I love you. So

0:19:09.800 --> 0:19:12.320
<v Speaker 2>me and my sisters would not watch that without my mum,

0:19:12.400 --> 0:19:14.480
<v Speaker 2>so we would pause it. She'd be out doing the washing,

0:19:14.480 --> 0:19:16.000
<v Speaker 2>she'd be doing the washing up, she'd be doing something.

0:19:16.000 --> 0:19:18.000
<v Speaker 2>We would call it in and we'd all sit there

0:19:18.040 --> 0:19:18.960
<v Speaker 2>and watch that together.

0:19:19.200 --> 0:19:21.480
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, that's like making me emotional.

0:19:21.680 --> 0:19:24.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, every time. So like watching stuff with my loved

0:19:24.480 --> 0:19:26.840
<v Speaker 2>one was what I put emphasis on. We still do

0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:29.200
<v Speaker 2>movie nights every now and like then now it's harder

0:19:29.240 --> 0:19:31.400
<v Speaker 2>now that we're all older, but that we put emphasis

0:19:31.440 --> 0:19:33.520
<v Speaker 2>on movie nights. That's how we And it was sort

0:19:33.520 --> 0:19:35.160
<v Speaker 2>of like that was sort of something that we both

0:19:35.400 --> 0:19:37.600
<v Speaker 2>couldn't understand what the other one was like we did

0:19:37.640 --> 0:19:38.960
<v Speaker 2>we would do it with the other one and we

0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:41.080
<v Speaker 2>would make time and hold space for the other one

0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:42.199
<v Speaker 2>to do that. But it was just something that I

0:19:42.200 --> 0:19:44.399
<v Speaker 2>was an example if we would raise differently, we have

0:19:44.520 --> 0:19:47.240
<v Speaker 2>different expressions of showing it and we could never come

0:19:47.280 --> 0:19:50.160
<v Speaker 2>to a resolution like we would We would hang out

0:19:50.160 --> 0:19:51.520
<v Speaker 2>and do that stuff. But it was just like one

0:19:51.520 --> 0:19:54.520
<v Speaker 2>of the things that like just and there was multiple

0:19:54.560 --> 0:19:56.600
<v Speaker 2>things like that that we just were just not the

0:19:56.600 --> 0:19:58.800
<v Speaker 2>same on, weren't a lining, but it weren't aligning on

0:19:58.960 --> 0:20:01.159
<v Speaker 2>and it just ca for miscommunication.

0:20:01.480 --> 0:20:04.600
<v Speaker 1>And like, yeah, I'm not gonna lie, it's been hard

0:20:04.640 --> 0:20:07.840
<v Speaker 1>seeing you upset and I know that you've been struggling

0:20:07.920 --> 0:20:11.919
<v Speaker 1>a lot, like this morning. Yeah you cried before this episode,

0:20:12.320 --> 0:20:15.280
<v Speaker 1>just to be transparent with everyone, like it's not been

0:20:15.320 --> 0:20:19.680
<v Speaker 1>an easy time. And then obviously like celebrating my engagement

0:20:19.720 --> 0:20:23.320
<v Speaker 1>party and then seeing you struggling. You know, all I

0:20:23.359 --> 0:20:26.440
<v Speaker 1>want for you as my friend is to be at

0:20:26.520 --> 0:20:30.600
<v Speaker 1>your happiest. And you know, like when you're at your happiest,

0:20:30.680 --> 0:20:33.080
<v Speaker 1>like nothing can stop you. You're just like the most

0:20:33.160 --> 0:20:37.320
<v Speaker 1>charismatic fun person ever. We go through ups and downs

0:20:37.359 --> 0:20:41.840
<v Speaker 1>in life, and you know, life can be challenging and tricky,

0:20:41.960 --> 0:20:45.399
<v Speaker 1>and you've really like it's been challenging not just for you,

0:20:45.440 --> 0:20:48.720
<v Speaker 1>but for also Jen. It's you know, like it would

0:20:48.720 --> 0:20:51.720
<v Speaker 1>be amazing if you guys could have been smooth sailing,

0:20:51.880 --> 0:20:56.720
<v Speaker 1>and that's what like what everyone wants, but unfortunately sometimes

0:20:56.760 --> 0:20:59.200
<v Speaker 1>that's not how the cookie crumbles.

0:20:59.400 --> 0:21:03.200
<v Speaker 2>What makes it harder as well, is it's not clear,

0:21:03.480 --> 0:21:07.800
<v Speaker 2>like breakup as in like you've done this, I don't

0:21:07.840 --> 0:21:10.840
<v Speaker 2>love you or something like that. It's like stuff we're

0:21:10.920 --> 0:21:14.920
<v Speaker 2>done that just you know, like it's crossing boundaries. It's

0:21:14.960 --> 0:21:18.119
<v Speaker 2>hurt people, and the better thing was to take some space.

0:21:19.160 --> 0:21:23.439
<v Speaker 2>The space fell into the same time as our least ending.

0:21:24.040 --> 0:21:27.240
<v Speaker 2>So now where I'm obviously back with my mum. So

0:21:27.400 --> 0:21:30.560
<v Speaker 2>you moved out, I moved out. I'm living with my mum.

0:21:31.320 --> 0:21:33.439
<v Speaker 2>To be fair, at the start, I begrudged it, but

0:21:33.520 --> 0:21:35.960
<v Speaker 2>once I don't know with you, like once you give

0:21:35.960 --> 0:21:38.320
<v Speaker 2>me back with your parents, and then like you just

0:21:38.400 --> 0:21:40.359
<v Speaker 2>see how easy it is, how cruizy it is, and

0:21:40.480 --> 0:21:41.520
<v Speaker 2>just having those people around me.

0:21:41.560 --> 0:21:43.640
<v Speaker 1>If your mum does your washing for you, Yeah.

0:21:44.200 --> 0:21:45.520
<v Speaker 2>I appreciate it. And like I even say to my

0:21:45.520 --> 0:21:47.439
<v Speaker 2>eighteen year old sister because she's still living there, like

0:21:47.480 --> 0:21:49.560
<v Speaker 2>you like, wait till you move out and you're washing,

0:21:49.960 --> 0:21:52.600
<v Speaker 2>you don't have time that week and your class up,

0:21:52.680 --> 0:21:54.760
<v Speaker 2>Like it's fucking you know what I mean? You appreciate

0:21:54.800 --> 0:21:56.760
<v Speaker 2>all that sort of stuff as well as saving, Like

0:21:56.760 --> 0:21:59.040
<v Speaker 2>I've just not paying rent and all that sort stuff.

0:21:59.040 --> 0:22:01.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm helping mommy out, but you know it's just dramatically

0:22:01.480 --> 0:22:05.800
<v Speaker 2>helping my savings but it's unlucky that the breakup fell

0:22:05.840 --> 0:22:09.360
<v Speaker 2>on a time that the lease ended. So Jen has

0:22:09.400 --> 0:22:12.600
<v Speaker 2>moved in now with another house with her twin and

0:22:12.600 --> 0:22:16.160
<v Speaker 2>her twin sisters Beyonce, and they're renting somewhere else and

0:22:17.880 --> 0:22:20.200
<v Speaker 2>it's just you know, like I don't know, I haven't

0:22:20.240 --> 0:22:22.240
<v Speaker 2>been to the house. Like it's just it's made it

0:22:22.280 --> 0:22:25.200
<v Speaker 2>for a like more difficult situation and it's like, yeah,

0:22:25.240 --> 0:22:28.560
<v Speaker 2>it hurts, like you know, like it was meant, like

0:22:28.680 --> 0:22:30.360
<v Speaker 2>we were meant at the end of the lease move

0:22:30.400 --> 0:22:32.400
<v Speaker 2>out and get somewhere, just like the two of us,

0:22:32.440 --> 0:22:35.640
<v Speaker 2>and yeah, it sucks. It sucks now that we don't

0:22:35.680 --> 0:22:39.879
<v Speaker 2>have that opportunity too. I went to our house the

0:22:39.920 --> 0:22:41.840
<v Speaker 2>other week to pick up some stuff that was left

0:22:41.880 --> 0:22:45.359
<v Speaker 2>there and like just was like really eerie and like

0:22:45.680 --> 0:22:48.600
<v Speaker 2>sad that like I wasn't there for when everything moved

0:22:48.640 --> 0:22:50.359
<v Speaker 2>out and it's just an empty house and all the

0:22:50.400 --> 0:22:51.000
<v Speaker 2>memories and that.

0:22:51.200 --> 0:22:56.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and you're sentimental, like very that's gonna that's gonna

0:22:56.400 --> 0:22:58.080
<v Speaker 1>hurt you and like hit hard.

0:22:58.600 --> 0:23:02.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, dude, just made it like really sad.

0:23:02.560 --> 0:23:04.840
<v Speaker 1>Makes it a bit real when the house is empty.

0:23:04.800 --> 0:23:06.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, remembering all those memories.

0:23:06.960 --> 0:23:11.200
<v Speaker 1>So Jens moved out with her twin sister, twin sister,

0:23:12.200 --> 0:23:14.600
<v Speaker 1>and they just recently announced that they're pregnant.

0:23:14.800 --> 0:23:18.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so that that as well, there was a bit

0:23:18.240 --> 0:23:21.080
<v Speaker 2>of a thing on top that, like talk about timing,

0:23:21.400 --> 0:23:24.760
<v Speaker 2>they found that out the day we broke up. Really yeah,

0:23:24.800 --> 0:23:26.800
<v Speaker 2>so that was just Yeah, do.

0:23:26.760 --> 0:23:29.800
<v Speaker 1>You remember a week after Josh and I broke up

0:23:29.960 --> 0:23:34.280
<v Speaker 1>that Luke proposed Remember that it was that a week

0:23:34.320 --> 0:23:37.960
<v Speaker 1>after week after we broke up Luke proposed or was

0:23:37.960 --> 0:23:40.800
<v Speaker 1>it a week before? It was a week either way,

0:23:40.960 --> 0:23:44.640
<v Speaker 1>But it just it just makes it burns so much

0:23:44.680 --> 0:23:48.120
<v Speaker 1>more because you're like, oh, like I think I could

0:23:48.160 --> 0:23:48.960
<v Speaker 1>that have been ours?

0:23:49.080 --> 0:23:51.040
<v Speaker 2>You know, yeah, I think on both parties were sort

0:23:51.080 --> 0:23:53.639
<v Speaker 2>of upset about that news and just didn't make things

0:23:53.760 --> 0:23:57.919
<v Speaker 2>any easier, the situation any easier. It's been rough, Like

0:23:57.960 --> 0:23:59.720
<v Speaker 2>you said, it's been a rough cuff. It's been a

0:23:59.760 --> 0:24:02.600
<v Speaker 2>rough couple of months, and I've just you know, I've

0:24:02.640 --> 0:24:07.879
<v Speaker 2>been doing my best to to try and move on,

0:24:08.040 --> 0:24:08.960
<v Speaker 2>but like it's hard.

0:24:09.320 --> 0:24:13.159
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, yeah, obviously we want to say like congratulations

0:24:13.160 --> 0:24:15.800
<v Speaker 1>to Jen's sister and her partner as well, Like we

0:24:15.880 --> 0:24:18.320
<v Speaker 1>definitely don't want to take away from their amazing news.

0:24:19.400 --> 0:24:21.840
<v Speaker 1>Just on a side note because obviously, you know, we're

0:24:21.880 --> 0:24:27.359
<v Speaker 1>talking about you and like your you know, experience, but

0:24:27.480 --> 0:24:29.920
<v Speaker 1>we obviously don't want to take away their amazing news.

0:24:30.280 --> 0:24:32.240
<v Speaker 1>It's been it's a hard time for you, Matt, and

0:24:32.320 --> 0:24:34.880
<v Speaker 1>I think there's probably a lot of people listening who

0:24:34.920 --> 0:24:37.119
<v Speaker 1>can relate to this. There's probably a lot of people

0:24:37.160 --> 0:24:41.959
<v Speaker 1>going through breakups and like life isn't fairies and rainbows.

0:24:42.040 --> 0:24:45.199
<v Speaker 1>You know, when I was twenty seven your age, I

0:24:45.280 --> 0:24:47.840
<v Speaker 1>was going through my biggest breakup. But I was breaking

0:24:48.000 --> 0:24:50.520
<v Speaker 1>I was breaking up from my partner of six years,

0:24:50.560 --> 0:24:53.040
<v Speaker 1>and I was in a very dark place and it

0:24:53.160 --> 0:24:57.680
<v Speaker 1>was fucking rough. It was not easy. It takes everything

0:24:57.760 --> 0:25:01.480
<v Speaker 1>in you to like move forward, and it's hard. It's

0:25:02.520 --> 0:25:06.280
<v Speaker 1>I don't envy the position, but also I feel like,

0:25:06.440 --> 0:25:09.280
<v Speaker 1>you know, you can come out stronger.

0:25:09.680 --> 0:25:11.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I believe that, and that's sort of what's

0:25:11.600 --> 0:25:14.919
<v Speaker 2>getting me through stuff. I say to general time like

0:25:15.000 --> 0:25:18.000
<v Speaker 2>it's we'd not tiptoeing on tulips, Like life isn't tiptoeing

0:25:18.000 --> 0:25:23.160
<v Speaker 2>and tulips. She hates that expression, that expression. I think

0:25:23.160 --> 0:25:24.720
<v Speaker 2>it's a song, and I think I say it wrong

0:25:24.760 --> 0:25:26.240
<v Speaker 2>as well. I think she googled it and she's like,

0:25:26.280 --> 0:25:29.400
<v Speaker 2>you say it wrong. I think it's tiptoeing through tulips,

0:25:29.440 --> 0:25:32.920
<v Speaker 2>but I say tiptoeing on tulips hard. Yeah, well that's

0:25:32.960 --> 0:25:35.119
<v Speaker 2>the idea. You're like, you're on like your tippy toes,

0:25:35.200 --> 0:25:36.879
<v Speaker 2>like doing it Like. Life's not like that.

0:25:37.000 --> 0:25:38.720
<v Speaker 1>It's I'm getting visuals now.

0:25:38.840 --> 0:25:41.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's got ups and downs, and it's just like, yeah,

0:25:41.280 --> 0:25:42.080
<v Speaker 2>it's rough, and.

0:25:42.840 --> 0:25:44.960
<v Speaker 1>I mean it's you know, it's interesting because we both

0:25:45.000 --> 0:25:47.880
<v Speaker 1>have a relationship podcast. I'm going through the best time

0:25:47.920 --> 0:25:49.919
<v Speaker 1>of my life and you're going through the worst of yours,

0:25:49.920 --> 0:25:52.560
<v Speaker 1>and it's just like, you know, the contrast in our

0:25:52.600 --> 0:25:55.479
<v Speaker 1>lives right now is just very interesting. It doesn't mean

0:25:55.480 --> 0:25:58.360
<v Speaker 1>it's going to stay that way forever. That could very

0:25:58.480 --> 0:26:01.679
<v Speaker 1>quickly switch. We could switch spots, and I think, like,

0:26:01.800 --> 0:26:04.280
<v Speaker 1>you know, not wish that, but I'm just saying like

0:26:04.320 --> 0:26:07.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm here for you. I know how it feels. It

0:26:07.040 --> 0:26:12.199
<v Speaker 1>fucking sucks, and you know you'll get through it. Thank you,

0:26:12.280 --> 0:26:14.120
<v Speaker 1>I promise, thank you, because I did.

0:26:15.760 --> 0:26:18.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's been a rough time. I've done all the

0:26:18.840 --> 0:26:22.560
<v Speaker 2>right steps to try and feel better from it. So

0:26:23.280 --> 0:26:26.760
<v Speaker 2>one was and was your recommendation was I went back

0:26:26.800 --> 0:26:31.960
<v Speaker 2>and listened to breakups, breakups and burn, and I took

0:26:32.000 --> 0:26:34.760
<v Speaker 2>away a lot of the points that we gave.

0:26:35.200 --> 0:26:38.440
<v Speaker 1>How is it listening to breakups? That burn? Our episode

0:26:38.880 --> 0:26:42.400
<v Speaker 1>that kind of went a bit viral in regards to breakups?

0:26:42.680 --> 0:26:45.639
<v Speaker 1>How is it listening to the episode? Whilst in the

0:26:45.640 --> 0:26:46.600
<v Speaker 1>midst of a breakup?

0:26:47.359 --> 0:26:50.600
<v Speaker 2>It was different because I was obviously talking about my

0:26:50.640 --> 0:26:53.399
<v Speaker 2>last breakup. It was a bit different. I found it

0:26:53.520 --> 0:26:56.680
<v Speaker 2>very beneficial and very helpful. I took down all the

0:26:57.640 --> 0:27:02.200
<v Speaker 2>list of help to help me and I went through them,

0:27:02.240 --> 0:27:05.120
<v Speaker 2>and I think they helped me get to a I'm

0:27:05.160 --> 0:27:07.840
<v Speaker 2>not gonna say a healing, but they definitely helped with

0:27:07.880 --> 0:27:09.120
<v Speaker 2>the healing process.

0:27:09.680 --> 0:27:12.400
<v Speaker 1>It's not linear as well, right, Like healing is just

0:27:12.440 --> 0:27:14.760
<v Speaker 1>like up and down and all around. In one minute

0:27:14.760 --> 0:27:17.200
<v Speaker 1>you're fine and the next minute you feel like trash.

0:27:17.359 --> 0:27:20.440
<v Speaker 1>It's waves, it's waves, It's what is it? The Dean

0:27:20.560 --> 0:27:22.760
<v Speaker 1>lewis the way it comes and goes, and it comes

0:27:22.760 --> 0:27:23.760
<v Speaker 1>and goes in way.

0:27:23.720 --> 0:27:25.239
<v Speaker 2>And that was like someone said that to me at

0:27:25.240 --> 0:27:27.600
<v Speaker 2>the start, and I said, fuck, they're not wrong, like

0:27:28.200 --> 0:27:31.320
<v Speaker 2>and especially like how I feel my emotions, Like I

0:27:31.359 --> 0:27:34.879
<v Speaker 2>could literally feel that motion and fucking hits home real hard.

0:27:35.080 --> 0:27:37.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm proud of you though, for going to the psychologist

0:27:37.920 --> 0:27:41.280
<v Speaker 1>and actually like seeking to get a diagnosis, because I

0:27:41.320 --> 0:27:44.080
<v Speaker 1>think it's probably I mean, at twenty seven years old,

0:27:44.119 --> 0:27:46.320
<v Speaker 1>it's it's about time that you.

0:27:46.440 --> 0:27:48.720
<v Speaker 2>Actually, I think there's a lot of people at this

0:27:48.800 --> 0:27:50.880
<v Speaker 2>age they're realizing it. And this is what they said

0:27:50.920 --> 0:27:53.960
<v Speaker 2>as well was and then we said, like the TikTok

0:27:53.960 --> 0:27:55.879
<v Speaker 2>thing and laughed about it, but it is. It's bringing

0:27:55.880 --> 0:27:58.760
<v Speaker 2>attention to it. People on TikTok talking about it. Probably

0:27:58.760 --> 0:28:01.240
<v Speaker 2>me talking about my experience might be like might click

0:28:01.280 --> 0:28:03.280
<v Speaker 2>for someone else. And I think that's the best way

0:28:03.520 --> 0:28:05.639
<v Speaker 2>because there's been a lot of undiagnosed people that are

0:28:05.680 --> 0:28:08.320
<v Speaker 2>in their late twenties early thirties that have lived their

0:28:08.359 --> 0:28:11.320
<v Speaker 2>life just you know, always being that different, the different

0:28:11.320 --> 0:28:13.200
<v Speaker 2>one in the group, the one that thinks a little

0:28:13.200 --> 0:28:14.840
<v Speaker 2>bit different, the one that acts a little bit differently,

0:28:15.320 --> 0:28:16.960
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to say quirky, but like a bit

0:28:17.000 --> 0:28:19.760
<v Speaker 2>like it's a bit you know, it's a bit different

0:28:19.800 --> 0:28:21.919
<v Speaker 2>the way they thinks. And I and I accepted that

0:28:22.040 --> 0:28:23.000
<v Speaker 2>role because that was me.

0:28:23.680 --> 0:28:27.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you're authentically yourself. Yeah, okay, well, look let's talk

0:28:27.520 --> 0:28:30.480
<v Speaker 1>about some of the things that can help you if

0:28:30.520 --> 0:28:33.000
<v Speaker 1>you are going through a breakup, like Matt, these are

0:28:33.000 --> 0:28:35.359
<v Speaker 1>the points that we listed from breakups that burn, and

0:28:35.400 --> 0:28:40.480
<v Speaker 1>we're going to go over them next. Okay, Matt. So

0:28:40.520 --> 0:28:43.000
<v Speaker 1>the first recommendation that we gave to our wares your

0:28:43.040 --> 0:28:45.920
<v Speaker 1>head Out listeners is actually to go no contact and

0:28:45.960 --> 0:28:49.960
<v Speaker 1>to unfollow on socials. That's something that you haven't done.

0:28:50.360 --> 0:28:53.320
<v Speaker 2>We did unfollow each other on socials. You did go

0:28:53.440 --> 0:28:57.360
<v Speaker 2>non contact for a little while, right. I do think

0:28:57.360 --> 0:28:59.840
<v Speaker 2>that hurts, but like, I don't know, it's easier said

0:28:59.840 --> 0:29:02.320
<v Speaker 2>than done. I know that, like we recommend that and

0:29:02.360 --> 0:29:05.440
<v Speaker 2>people out there, but like, the anxiety in that period sucks.

0:29:05.600 --> 0:29:06.080
<v Speaker 1>It's hard.

0:29:06.240 --> 0:29:08.960
<v Speaker 2>It's so hard, especially when it's really fresh as well.

0:29:09.440 --> 0:29:12.200
<v Speaker 2>Like I was seriously feeling the worst anxiety I felt

0:29:12.240 --> 0:29:14.160
<v Speaker 2>in a long time. Because you're going from a norm

0:29:14.680 --> 0:29:17.400
<v Speaker 2>of talking to everyone every day, like talking to them

0:29:17.440 --> 0:29:20.600
<v Speaker 2>every day, having someone there to lean on for emotional support,

0:29:20.680 --> 0:29:23.240
<v Speaker 2>tell them how you feeling, tell them like little stories

0:29:23.280 --> 0:29:24.920
<v Speaker 2>that happened to you in your everyday life that like

0:29:25.000 --> 0:29:27.520
<v Speaker 2>you don't tell your work colleagues, you don't tell people,

0:29:27.520 --> 0:29:29.000
<v Speaker 2>you don't tell your mates, you know what I mean.

0:29:29.280 --> 0:29:31.080
<v Speaker 2>And then it's like, well, who do you talk to

0:29:31.160 --> 0:29:32.440
<v Speaker 2>like for this, like what do you do? So it

0:29:32.520 --> 0:29:36.720
<v Speaker 2>was a really it's a real it's the word adapting

0:29:36.760 --> 0:29:39.240
<v Speaker 2>to that or a real shift in your life. It's

0:29:39.280 --> 0:29:40.960
<v Speaker 2>really weird and uncomfortable.

0:29:41.600 --> 0:29:45.479
<v Speaker 1>It is it's hard, like it's definitely not easy, and like,

0:29:45.760 --> 0:29:48.360
<v Speaker 1>you know, I'm glad that you did that at the start,

0:29:48.600 --> 0:29:50.920
<v Speaker 1>just to have some space because obviously, like going to

0:29:51.000 --> 0:29:53.800
<v Speaker 1>a break ups always like difficult. I think the worst

0:29:53.800 --> 0:29:56.360
<v Speaker 1>thing that you can do when you go no contact

0:29:56.600 --> 0:29:58.640
<v Speaker 1>is to think in your own head, like what are

0:29:58.680 --> 0:30:01.280
<v Speaker 1>they getting up to? Because that's where you just drive

0:30:01.360 --> 0:30:04.600
<v Speaker 1>yourself off the edge, like it's just too hard.

0:30:05.120 --> 0:30:07.640
<v Speaker 2>I think I took comfort in knowing that Jen was

0:30:07.680 --> 0:30:10.040
<v Speaker 2>in the same situation as me, that we were both

0:30:10.080 --> 0:30:12.240
<v Speaker 2>feeling uncomfortable with it, and while we're enjoying it, and

0:30:12.280 --> 0:30:14.560
<v Speaker 2>it's not like we were doing it for any other

0:30:14.600 --> 0:30:16.800
<v Speaker 2>reason than just trying to heal and trying to get

0:30:16.840 --> 0:30:20.200
<v Speaker 2>like a little bit of clarity clarity of the situation.

0:30:20.840 --> 0:30:23.320
<v Speaker 2>The next one that we had was stay busy and

0:30:23.360 --> 0:30:27.040
<v Speaker 2>make new memories. So early on in the breakup, it

0:30:27.080 --> 0:30:31.600
<v Speaker 2>was brought to my attention that I haven't with my mates.

0:30:32.040 --> 0:30:36.000
<v Speaker 2>We don't catch up unless there's drinking involved, and we've

0:30:36.000 --> 0:30:38.240
<v Speaker 2>spoken about it multiple times about how we are about

0:30:38.240 --> 0:30:40.920
<v Speaker 2>like drinking now we're sort of like leaning away from it,

0:30:41.000 --> 0:30:42.720
<v Speaker 2>not going out and getting fucked up all the time.

0:30:43.160 --> 0:30:44.920
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, yeah, this is true. Whenever I

0:30:44.920 --> 0:30:48.280
<v Speaker 2>see my mates, it's always you know, like an engagement party,

0:30:48.320 --> 0:30:51.360
<v Speaker 2>someone's birthday, beers at the pub, watching the footy. It

0:30:51.400 --> 0:30:53.120
<v Speaker 2>was never just like a sober hanging out and chat

0:30:53.160 --> 0:30:56.360
<v Speaker 2>to my mates. So over the last couple of months,

0:30:56.400 --> 0:30:58.560
<v Speaker 2>I've been making a conscious effort to go get coffee

0:30:58.600 --> 0:31:00.360
<v Speaker 2>with my mates, go for a walk with my mates.

0:31:01.000 --> 0:31:02.560
<v Speaker 2>I remember I went around to my mate's house and

0:31:02.560 --> 0:31:04.360
<v Speaker 2>I just sat there and watched the footy with them,

0:31:04.440 --> 0:31:06.760
<v Speaker 2>no drinks, We just got takeout and just sort of

0:31:06.800 --> 0:31:09.600
<v Speaker 2>making those new memories where it isn't based around that

0:31:09.720 --> 0:31:12.280
<v Speaker 2>same culture of drinking. And I think that it's being

0:31:12.360 --> 0:31:16.800
<v Speaker 2>very beneficial into my growth and my healing process because

0:31:17.600 --> 0:31:19.640
<v Speaker 2>everyone and this is a this is a mentality I

0:31:19.680 --> 0:31:22.480
<v Speaker 2>hate about breakups as well that everyone has is you know,

0:31:22.560 --> 0:31:25.640
<v Speaker 2>I'll drink to numb the pain, Like it, what do

0:31:25.680 --> 0:31:28.160
<v Speaker 2>you get it for? Like what a brief night you're drunk,

0:31:28.240 --> 0:31:30.120
<v Speaker 2>and then like it makes you feel better? I don't

0:31:30.120 --> 0:31:33.280
<v Speaker 2>know about other people, but you wake up feeling worse anxiety,

0:31:33.680 --> 0:31:36.520
<v Speaker 2>you're feeling sick, you're feeling hungover, You're laying in bed,

0:31:36.560 --> 0:31:38.360
<v Speaker 2>You're not going out and making new memory. So I

0:31:38.360 --> 0:31:43.600
<v Speaker 2>feel like, yeah, for that hair of the dog. Well,

0:31:43.760 --> 0:31:46.920
<v Speaker 2>some people maybe can't like that, and I think that like, yes,

0:31:47.000 --> 0:31:49.440
<v Speaker 2>that night will hurt, but feel that night with memories

0:31:49.440 --> 0:31:52.080
<v Speaker 2>of maybe going to watch a movie or going to

0:31:52.160 --> 0:31:56.320
<v Speaker 2>the theater if you're not with your friends. Yeah, activities

0:31:56.360 --> 0:31:58.760
<v Speaker 2>that simulate your brain and they're not they're taking your

0:31:58.760 --> 0:32:01.240
<v Speaker 2>mind off stuff. And then go to bed, wake up

0:32:01.280 --> 0:32:03.200
<v Speaker 2>the next day, go for a walk with a friend,

0:32:03.360 --> 0:32:04.800
<v Speaker 2>go for a walk with friends and family and just

0:32:05.040 --> 0:32:08.400
<v Speaker 2>you know, do stuff that bring more not joy into

0:32:08.440 --> 0:32:13.640
<v Speaker 2>your life, but more like positive energy, energy and outcome. Yeah,

0:32:13.880 --> 0:32:16.120
<v Speaker 2>not like not low frequency stuff. Or you wake up

0:32:16.280 --> 0:32:17.680
<v Speaker 2>like going out drinking. Don't get me wrong, I have

0:32:17.720 --> 0:32:19.520
<v Speaker 2>so much fucking fun doing that, Like I love doing that.

0:32:19.600 --> 0:32:23.120
<v Speaker 2>But then the next day it was like you're hungover,

0:32:23.200 --> 0:32:25.960
<v Speaker 2>you're laying in bed, you're just dwelling on it, and

0:32:26.000 --> 0:32:27.640
<v Speaker 2>you can't hide it because what do you use for

0:32:27.720 --> 0:32:30.400
<v Speaker 2>dopamine in your brain? Social media? So you're flicking through

0:32:30.400 --> 0:32:32.680
<v Speaker 2>there and it's like, oh, that's a dark place. Yeah,

0:32:32.680 --> 0:32:34.479
<v Speaker 2>and it's not that I don't think there's much positive

0:32:34.560 --> 0:32:34.880
<v Speaker 2>out of that.

0:32:34.960 --> 0:32:37.920
<v Speaker 1>And I think, you know, just to add to our

0:32:38.000 --> 0:32:41.239
<v Speaker 1>stay busy, stay busy, but stay off social media when

0:32:41.280 --> 0:32:44.920
<v Speaker 1>you're going through a breakoup, because there's nothing worse than

0:32:44.960 --> 0:32:48.160
<v Speaker 1>seeing like your ex in like different people's stories, like

0:32:48.200 --> 0:32:50.640
<v Speaker 1>their friends stories, Like it's just the worst. And then

0:32:50.680 --> 0:32:53.680
<v Speaker 1>you're like, Okay, now I know they're out, like I do.

0:32:53.760 --> 0:32:55.320
<v Speaker 1>I go to like a bar close to them, so

0:32:55.360 --> 0:32:57.120
<v Speaker 1>hopefully we jump into each other. Like all of the

0:32:57.160 --> 0:33:00.640
<v Speaker 1>crazy thoughts that you think when you're very new single,

0:33:00.840 --> 0:33:03.400
<v Speaker 1>like you want to avoid those at all costs, like

0:33:03.800 --> 0:33:07.440
<v Speaker 1>blocking people who are in their circles, so you just

0:33:07.720 --> 0:33:08.360
<v Speaker 1>meeting people.

0:33:08.640 --> 0:33:09.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, I.

0:33:09.240 --> 0:33:11.080
<v Speaker 1>Think that's probably a kind of way to do it,

0:33:11.120 --> 0:33:13.719
<v Speaker 1>but you know what I mean, like not putting yourself

0:33:13.720 --> 0:33:17.080
<v Speaker 1>in a position where you have like a meltdown because

0:33:17.200 --> 0:33:19.360
<v Speaker 1>you see them out well and you start blowing up

0:33:19.400 --> 0:33:20.640
<v Speaker 1>their phone.

0:33:20.200 --> 0:33:22.200
<v Speaker 2>What are you doing? I think that like the way

0:33:22.240 --> 0:33:25.080
<v Speaker 2>I handled it in that respect was really good at

0:33:25.120 --> 0:33:28.480
<v Speaker 2>my healing process and making me feel better that I

0:33:28.520 --> 0:33:32.520
<v Speaker 2>did activities that stimulated my brain and you know, brought

0:33:32.520 --> 0:33:36.280
<v Speaker 2>me long not short term happiness, but long term more game.

0:33:36.600 --> 0:33:39.520
<v Speaker 1>Absolutely Okay. Number three is find a lesson in the

0:33:39.520 --> 0:33:42.400
<v Speaker 1>breakup and work on yourself well.

0:33:42.440 --> 0:33:45.120
<v Speaker 2>In the mind breakup. In my relationship, I think that

0:33:45.240 --> 0:33:47.560
<v Speaker 2>Jen taught me so much. She taught me a lot

0:33:47.600 --> 0:33:49.760
<v Speaker 2>about myself, a lot of bit maturing and a lot

0:33:49.760 --> 0:33:52.040
<v Speaker 2>of growing up. And to be fair, I have a

0:33:52.040 --> 0:33:53.680
<v Speaker 2>lot more to do and I don't. I think that

0:33:54.280 --> 0:33:56.400
<v Speaker 2>I have done it a lot slower than a lot

0:33:56.440 --> 0:33:59.720
<v Speaker 2>of people around me, but I'm grateful for what she's

0:33:59.720 --> 0:34:02.080
<v Speaker 2>done there. She's definitely taught me a lot about myself.

0:34:02.680 --> 0:34:05.840
<v Speaker 2>My lesson in the breakup, though, they're probably the big one.

0:34:05.880 --> 0:34:09.080
<v Speaker 2>And this isn't just for my relationship with Jen. This

0:34:09.200 --> 0:34:12.719
<v Speaker 2>is actually everything that I've gone into, like with clients,

0:34:12.719 --> 0:34:15.280
<v Speaker 2>I've gone into watching I know it sounds weird watching

0:34:15.320 --> 0:34:18.200
<v Speaker 2>people in movies and like the roles they're playing and

0:34:18.239 --> 0:34:21.160
<v Speaker 2>all this sort of stuff. Is that no one thinks

0:34:21.160 --> 0:34:23.960
<v Speaker 2>that they're the bad guy in a situation, and no

0:34:23.960 --> 0:34:26.480
<v Speaker 2>matter how much you try and prove your point across

0:34:26.520 --> 0:34:28.200
<v Speaker 2>to them, or no matter how much, they're always going

0:34:28.280 --> 0:34:30.640
<v Speaker 2>to write a narrative in their own head that makes

0:34:30.680 --> 0:34:35.080
<v Speaker 2>them feel more comfortable with the situation. So like, and

0:34:35.840 --> 0:34:37.919
<v Speaker 2>no matter how much you tell them, there's always going

0:34:37.960 --> 0:34:41.200
<v Speaker 2>to be three versions of a story. Absolutely their version

0:34:41.200 --> 0:34:43.719
<v Speaker 2>of your version of the truth. And you can find

0:34:43.760 --> 0:34:46.200
<v Speaker 2>a lot of peace in knowing that you can't convince

0:34:46.239 --> 0:34:49.799
<v Speaker 2>someone otherwise you can't like they're going to be It

0:34:49.880 --> 0:34:51.320
<v Speaker 2>take a very.

0:34:51.320 --> 0:34:53.680
<v Speaker 1>Very like emotionally mature person.

0:34:53.440 --> 0:34:57.279
<v Speaker 2>An open minded person to actually see from every side.

0:34:57.400 --> 0:34:59.040
<v Speaker 2>And as much as like this, and like I said,

0:34:59.080 --> 0:35:01.560
<v Speaker 2>this isn't just my relationship, this is everyday thing that

0:35:01.600 --> 0:35:03.719
<v Speaker 2>I've realized about, like my moving back in with my

0:35:03.800 --> 0:35:06.319
<v Speaker 2>mum and my sister, like just with everyone with you,

0:35:06.400 --> 0:35:09.160
<v Speaker 2>like you just can't like everyone has their version of

0:35:09.200 --> 0:35:11.880
<v Speaker 2>what's happened, and you can't really have it. I can't

0:35:12.200 --> 0:35:14.160
<v Speaker 2>argue your point. You'll go blue trying to argue that

0:35:14.160 --> 0:35:14.719
<v Speaker 2>point to him.

0:35:15.040 --> 0:35:17.600
<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, Yeah, you just have to show up being the

0:35:17.600 --> 0:35:20.440
<v Speaker 1>best version of yourself, I think, and everything else falls

0:35:20.440 --> 0:35:24.840
<v Speaker 1>into place. Okay, we said number four was get under

0:35:25.239 --> 0:35:27.600
<v Speaker 1>to get over. What are you thinking of this one?

0:35:27.680 --> 0:35:29.960
<v Speaker 2>Matt still got the same opinion of that. I don't

0:35:30.000 --> 0:35:32.320
<v Speaker 2>think it works. I know that you think it does.

0:35:32.520 --> 0:35:35.439
<v Speaker 2>I just think that, like, like I've said, my whole life.

0:35:35.440 --> 0:35:37.759
<v Speaker 2>Sex has come real easy to me. And I think

0:35:37.800 --> 0:35:40.640
<v Speaker 2>that you pointed it out to me when I was

0:35:40.880 --> 0:35:43.839
<v Speaker 2>going through my last breakup, that I was filling my

0:35:44.200 --> 0:35:45.359
<v Speaker 2>life with just you.

0:35:45.320 --> 0:35:48.040
<v Speaker 1>Know, like meaningless sex, meaningless.

0:35:47.560 --> 0:35:49.360
<v Speaker 2>Sex, and it was taking away my energy and it

0:35:49.400 --> 0:35:53.920
<v Speaker 2>was taking away your joy, my joy. Yeah, it was

0:35:53.960 --> 0:35:56.600
<v Speaker 2>like I felt like a depleted, empty version of myself

0:35:56.640 --> 0:35:59.680
<v Speaker 2>because sex is an exchange of energy with someone, and

0:35:59.840 --> 0:36:02.600
<v Speaker 2>I don't like, I have no no qualms with like

0:36:02.640 --> 0:36:04.520
<v Speaker 2>you the argument of like you learn that there's more

0:36:04.560 --> 0:36:07.000
<v Speaker 2>people out there and you see that. I get that,

0:36:07.520 --> 0:36:09.520
<v Speaker 2>but I just think that the way I've done it

0:36:09.560 --> 0:36:12.399
<v Speaker 2>in the past has been not toxic, but it has

0:36:12.680 --> 0:36:14.960
<v Speaker 2>the like it's just taken away from me and taken

0:36:15.000 --> 0:36:16.240
<v Speaker 2>away from my healing process.

0:36:16.360 --> 0:36:19.000
<v Speaker 1>So and that's the thing is things that might work

0:36:19.040 --> 0:36:21.760
<v Speaker 1>for me might not work for you, and vice versa.

0:36:21.880 --> 0:36:26.120
<v Speaker 1>Like everyone is different and these recommendations are specific to

0:36:26.560 --> 0:36:29.920
<v Speaker 1>either one of us. But you know, people kind of

0:36:29.960 --> 0:36:33.520
<v Speaker 1>like live their own reality and do what works for them,

0:36:33.719 --> 0:36:36.160
<v Speaker 1>and just a remind us to always do what works

0:36:36.160 --> 0:36:38.920
<v Speaker 1>for you. If I'm out here saying get under to

0:36:38.920 --> 0:36:41.480
<v Speaker 1>get over and you don't believe that that's going to

0:36:41.560 --> 0:36:45.040
<v Speaker 1>work for you, then, you know, listen to yourself and

0:36:45.080 --> 0:36:45.919
<v Speaker 1>focus on you.

0:36:46.080 --> 0:36:48.120
<v Speaker 2>I respect that, Like you could learn that there's more

0:36:48.160 --> 0:36:50.839
<v Speaker 2>people out there, and I get that and I could

0:36:50.880 --> 0:36:52.920
<v Speaker 2>see that. But for me that that hasn't worked in

0:36:52.920 --> 0:36:54.960
<v Speaker 2>the past, and I've taken a lot from my previous

0:36:55.000 --> 0:36:56.640
<v Speaker 2>breakups to try and get me better.

0:36:56.920 --> 0:36:59.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. But if you are going through a breakup and

0:36:59.560 --> 0:37:01.719
<v Speaker 1>all you can do is think about them and you

0:37:01.760 --> 0:37:04.840
<v Speaker 1>can't get over them, then, like you know, for our listeners,

0:37:05.080 --> 0:37:06.520
<v Speaker 1>maybe get under to get over.

0:37:07.480 --> 0:37:10.640
<v Speaker 2>Just a thought, is that song on the radio right

0:37:10.680 --> 0:37:13.280
<v Speaker 2>now about that girl who she's going through a breakup

0:37:13.320 --> 0:37:15.840
<v Speaker 2>and she's talking about going out and getting someone really

0:37:16.960 --> 0:37:17.799
<v Speaker 2>doesn't relate to me.

0:37:18.160 --> 0:37:18.800
<v Speaker 1>I can't relate.

0:37:18.880 --> 0:37:20.200
<v Speaker 2>I can't relate to it. I don't know if she

0:37:20.239 --> 0:37:23.560
<v Speaker 2>says something like, here's a little context if you explain

0:37:25.440 --> 0:37:26.600
<v Speaker 2>finished position.

0:37:26.719 --> 0:37:28.439
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I love that song.

0:37:28.560 --> 0:37:30.200
<v Speaker 2>I do like it. It's a catchy song, but the

0:37:30.200 --> 0:37:35.040
<v Speaker 2>actual message you've had, I see that working. Speaking of songs,

0:37:35.040 --> 0:37:37.319
<v Speaker 2>the next one is making empowering playlists.

0:37:37.360 --> 0:37:39.000
<v Speaker 1>So is that on your playlist?

0:37:39.800 --> 0:37:42.160
<v Speaker 2>That one is an I'll share mine if people want

0:37:42.200 --> 0:37:43.480
<v Speaker 2>to hear it, put it on there.

0:37:43.520 --> 0:37:44.680
<v Speaker 1>Where's your head out? Facebook?

0:37:44.680 --> 0:37:46.600
<v Speaker 2>Group that would be good. I will well. There was

0:37:46.680 --> 0:37:49.880
<v Speaker 2>one that our manager Anna told me about, which I actually,

0:37:49.920 --> 0:37:52.399
<v Speaker 2>funnily enough, was listening to when she told me. It

0:37:52.440 --> 0:37:55.040
<v Speaker 2>was another love you know that one.

0:37:55.920 --> 0:38:01.799
<v Speaker 1>There's been a lot of singing on this podca is Yeah,

0:38:01.880 --> 0:38:02.279
<v Speaker 1>that one.

0:38:02.760 --> 0:38:04.360
<v Speaker 2>So I listened to that. I love that. When I

0:38:04.400 --> 0:38:08.000
<v Speaker 2>go and runs. Another one is, which is so relevant

0:38:08.040 --> 0:38:14.040
<v Speaker 2>to our breakup is last night one. That one is

0:38:14.360 --> 0:38:19.040
<v Speaker 2>by Morgan Wallan. Last night. It's like last night we

0:38:19.160 --> 0:38:24.720
<v Speaker 2>let the lit talk not the best Okay.

0:38:24.840 --> 0:38:27.600
<v Speaker 1>So I have a recommendation, and I probably recommended this

0:38:28.000 --> 0:38:30.680
<v Speaker 1>last episode, but I can't remember because I haven't listened

0:38:30.680 --> 0:38:32.280
<v Speaker 1>to it in a while. So I'm going to re recommend.

0:38:32.920 --> 0:38:36.279
<v Speaker 1>It's called Bright Blue Skies by Mitch James, and it

0:38:36.440 --> 0:38:38.839
<v Speaker 1>just like gets you up and about do you want

0:38:38.880 --> 0:38:39.920
<v Speaker 1>me to play a little bit of it?

0:38:40.200 --> 0:38:45.640
<v Speaker 2>I can copyright laws, do that? How to lature?

0:38:46.120 --> 0:38:54.920
<v Speaker 1>It's like it's a really good records, good one. I

0:38:54.920 --> 0:38:59.200
<v Speaker 1>can see the Bright Blue Skies now that you're gone. Anyway,

0:39:00.080 --> 0:39:01.840
<v Speaker 1>one A great one.

0:39:02.160 --> 0:39:04.080
<v Speaker 2>There was another one. What was the other one? O

0:39:04.320 --> 0:39:07.440
<v Speaker 2>These Days by Maclamore. Oh yeah, I love that one.

0:39:07.560 --> 0:39:09.919
<v Speaker 2>That's suck. It's kind of sad though it's a full

0:39:09.960 --> 0:39:10.919
<v Speaker 2>dopemine song. Though.

0:39:11.000 --> 0:39:13.239
<v Speaker 1>Do you know what when I go through a breakup,

0:39:13.680 --> 0:39:16.840
<v Speaker 1>I love listening to sad songs and just like crying

0:39:16.840 --> 0:39:19.000
<v Speaker 1>in the car, just like scream crying.

0:39:18.920 --> 0:39:22.239
<v Speaker 2>Like staring out the window. Yeah, what was the one

0:39:22.280 --> 0:39:22.719
<v Speaker 2>the other day?

0:39:22.800 --> 0:39:25.879
<v Speaker 1>That feel better? Because I've had like a very high

0:39:25.960 --> 0:39:30.839
<v Speaker 1>emotional reaction and then I'm like, Okay, sometimes.

0:39:30.520 --> 0:39:33.000
<v Speaker 2>When you're on a down, you need something to act

0:39:33.120 --> 0:39:34.759
<v Speaker 2>like you're there and you're all right, I want these

0:39:34.800 --> 0:39:37.000
<v Speaker 2>tears to come out. So you're like, I'll put something.

0:39:36.760 --> 0:39:39.200
<v Speaker 1>Sad on on, Yeah, like a Lewis Capaldi.

0:39:39.280 --> 0:39:41.439
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and it just hits that like that's a little

0:39:41.480 --> 0:39:44.120
<v Speaker 2>bit over so you can cry to it. How about

0:39:44.560 --> 0:39:46.719
<v Speaker 2>this is? Do you remember Hamish and Andy were saying that,

0:39:46.760 --> 0:39:49.360
<v Speaker 2>you know, raw by Katie Perry, If you're in a

0:39:49.400 --> 0:39:51.160
<v Speaker 2>good mood, it's a it's a happy song, but if

0:39:51.200 --> 0:39:52.680
<v Speaker 2>you're in a sad one, it's a sad song.

0:39:52.719 --> 0:39:54.000
<v Speaker 1>I've never thought of that.

0:39:54.600 --> 0:39:57.440
<v Speaker 2>In different moods and it can literally dictate like the

0:39:57.440 --> 0:40:01.360
<v Speaker 2>way you feel. It's so good. I love that. Okay.

0:40:01.360 --> 0:40:05.919
<v Speaker 1>The next one is to book a holiday Matt. We're

0:40:05.920 --> 0:40:07.680
<v Speaker 1>going to try and get away with the podcast to

0:40:07.880 --> 0:40:10.320
<v Speaker 1>fulfill that need of your at the moment.

0:40:10.480 --> 0:40:13.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because like I said, I had that holiday book

0:40:13.200 --> 0:40:16.239
<v Speaker 2>to America and that's sort of fallen out of bed

0:40:16.239 --> 0:40:18.600
<v Speaker 2>a little bit. So I haven't got anyone to go. Well,

0:40:18.600 --> 0:40:20.719
<v Speaker 2>I do, but like they want to book closer to

0:40:20.760 --> 0:40:22.960
<v Speaker 2>the date, which I'm just like, no, I need to

0:40:23.000 --> 0:40:25.480
<v Speaker 2>see I need to go now, but I need to

0:40:25.520 --> 0:40:27.799
<v Speaker 2>see tickets as well. Like so I know I've got

0:40:27.800 --> 0:40:30.759
<v Speaker 2>something I'm working towards, but I'm not so unhappy about that.

0:40:30.880 --> 0:40:34.080
<v Speaker 2>I have come to the conclusion that I want to say,

0:40:34.120 --> 0:40:35.799
<v Speaker 2>for a deposit for a house. I know that you're

0:40:35.800 --> 0:40:39.480
<v Speaker 2>doing the same thing. I'm looking at different properties. I

0:40:39.520 --> 0:40:41.520
<v Speaker 2>want to get an apartment. I don't have two bedroom

0:40:41.600 --> 0:40:44.120
<v Speaker 2>or one bedroom, so very exciting. They're very exciting. So

0:40:44.120 --> 0:40:46.239
<v Speaker 2>that's what I'm working towards now. So that's what I'm used,

0:40:46.360 --> 0:40:49.800
<v Speaker 2>like you know, that's my sort of motivation, motivations, we're

0:40:50.120 --> 0:40:52.839
<v Speaker 2>working towards that. I'm obviously at my mum's now, so

0:40:53.520 --> 0:40:55.319
<v Speaker 2>I love it there. But like I say to her,

0:40:55.480 --> 0:40:59.040
<v Speaker 2>I choose to be here.

0:40:59.080 --> 0:41:01.719
<v Speaker 1>It's been a hard year, like it's I mean, there's

0:41:01.760 --> 0:41:04.120
<v Speaker 1>been some great things that have happened this year to

0:41:04.200 --> 0:41:06.319
<v Speaker 1>both of us, but also like there has been some

0:41:06.480 --> 0:41:10.319
<v Speaker 1>rough patches behind the scenes in your personal life, in

0:41:10.440 --> 0:41:13.520
<v Speaker 1>work life. So like I feel like, you know what,

0:41:13.840 --> 0:41:16.319
<v Speaker 1>if you're listening to this podcast and you've had a

0:41:16.320 --> 0:41:19.600
<v Speaker 1>bit of a tough year, you're not alone. The second

0:41:19.680 --> 0:41:23.279
<v Speaker 1>half of twenty twenty three is all of our year.

0:41:23.760 --> 0:41:23.920
<v Speaker 2>Year.

0:41:24.000 --> 0:41:28.080
<v Speaker 1>Guys, we're literally just like I think, from like June first,

0:41:28.120 --> 0:41:31.720
<v Speaker 1>we're just starting again, like let's give each other until

0:41:31.840 --> 0:41:32.279
<v Speaker 1>the end.

0:41:32.200 --> 0:41:37.040
<v Speaker 2>Of financial year. Yeah, yeah, this financial years are right off.

0:41:37.280 --> 0:41:38.839
<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah, this financial year is done.

0:41:38.920 --> 0:41:41.200
<v Speaker 2>We started last year, so that's no wonder. You don't

0:41:41.239 --> 0:41:41.920
<v Speaker 2>need fresh start.

0:41:42.080 --> 0:41:45.120
<v Speaker 1>But you know what we're manifesting. We're staying true to

0:41:45.280 --> 0:41:48.440
<v Speaker 1>like all of our goals and like it's going to

0:41:48.680 --> 0:41:50.760
<v Speaker 1>end up being the best year of our lives.

0:41:51.040 --> 0:41:53.560
<v Speaker 2>The next one is if your heart muscle is hurting,

0:41:53.680 --> 0:41:57.440
<v Speaker 2>put other muscles in pain. So I've been literally like

0:41:57.600 --> 0:42:02.800
<v Speaker 2>getting up every morning, running in the evening, then going sauna,

0:42:02.960 --> 0:42:04.880
<v Speaker 2>just literally smashing that sort of stuff.

0:42:05.160 --> 0:42:08.239
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you guys have probably noticed if you are a

0:42:08.280 --> 0:42:11.320
<v Speaker 1>regular listener, then Matt just all of a sudden started

0:42:11.400 --> 0:42:14.000
<v Speaker 1>just smashing the gym and started like being in the

0:42:14.040 --> 0:42:17.520
<v Speaker 1>sauna every night, and this is the reason why, because

0:42:17.840 --> 0:42:20.359
<v Speaker 1>it's really helped your mental health, and I think it's,

0:42:20.520 --> 0:42:23.680
<v Speaker 1>you know, other than seeing your younger self in the sauna,

0:42:23.840 --> 0:42:25.239
<v Speaker 1>it's in a really positive Yeah.

0:42:25.760 --> 0:42:27.719
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I love the sauna. That's why I was so

0:42:27.840 --> 0:42:29.480
<v Speaker 2>livid a couple of weeks ago on the hotline and

0:42:29.600 --> 0:42:34.759
<v Speaker 2>somebody ruined the sauna. Dark and dogs. I need this

0:42:34.800 --> 0:42:35.600
<v Speaker 2>more than you think.

0:42:35.880 --> 0:42:39.279
<v Speaker 1>And the final one is therapy, So talk to MAT's,

0:42:39.440 --> 0:42:42.120
<v Speaker 1>talk to family, but talk to a professional.

0:42:42.320 --> 0:42:45.279
<v Speaker 2>I'm obviously talking to professionals at the moment, I find

0:42:45.320 --> 0:42:49.160
<v Speaker 2>it very beneficial. A lot of problems in geninized relationship

0:42:49.440 --> 0:42:52.759
<v Speaker 2>was over sharing to my close fuds. I feel like

0:42:52.760 --> 0:42:55.160
<v Speaker 2>you've vent to your friends with them, so they hear

0:42:55.480 --> 0:42:57.080
<v Speaker 2>the bad stuff, do you know what I mean? And

0:42:57.080 --> 0:43:01.080
<v Speaker 2>then they're making an opinion which doesn't give the full

0:43:01.120 --> 0:43:04.239
<v Speaker 2>picture of what's actually happening. So I like, you get

0:43:04.400 --> 0:43:08.719
<v Speaker 2>pretty shitty, not shitty advice, but you get advice dictated

0:43:08.840 --> 0:43:11.920
<v Speaker 2>on the negatives and not the positives. They don't see everything.

0:43:12.000 --> 0:43:14.880
<v Speaker 2>So I've been a bit choosy with who I'm talking

0:43:14.880 --> 0:43:16.799
<v Speaker 2>to my mates. I'm talking to just the ones that

0:43:17.239 --> 0:43:20.239
<v Speaker 2>understand the full situation and understand me and get it.

0:43:20.640 --> 0:43:23.200
<v Speaker 2>But I definitely recommend your talking to mates and sharing

0:43:23.239 --> 0:43:24.680
<v Speaker 2>with people that can give you advice.

0:43:25.120 --> 0:43:28.839
<v Speaker 1>It's also just like a problem shared is a problem halved, right,

0:43:29.040 --> 0:43:32.160
<v Speaker 1>Like you don't want to hold all of the weight

0:43:32.200 --> 0:43:35.000
<v Speaker 1>of your own problems on your own back. Like sometimes

0:43:35.440 --> 0:43:38.000
<v Speaker 1>opening up to people it kind of does take a

0:43:38.080 --> 0:43:42.000
<v Speaker 1>weight off and like there's nothing to be embarrassed about, right,

0:43:42.160 --> 0:43:45.440
<v Speaker 1>Like we all go through problems. No one's life is perfect,

0:43:45.640 --> 0:43:50.000
<v Speaker 1>and I think being confident enough to be able to

0:43:50.080 --> 0:43:52.799
<v Speaker 1>share that and to kind of say to people like, yeah,

0:43:52.840 --> 0:43:56.600
<v Speaker 1>like everything isn't perfect and things are really hard right now,

0:43:56.680 --> 0:43:58.000
<v Speaker 1>I think that's admirable.

0:43:58.640 --> 0:44:01.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I've shou out to my mum obviously moved back

0:44:01.960 --> 0:44:03.400
<v Speaker 2>with her and living with her. I've had her to

0:44:03.520 --> 0:44:06.680
<v Speaker 2>lean on for emotional support a lot, so I appreciate that.

0:44:06.680 --> 0:44:11.279
<v Speaker 2>I've been going on walks and chatting, So I appreciate that. Yeah,

0:44:11.320 --> 0:44:12.880
<v Speaker 2>I think that you need to if you need to

0:44:12.920 --> 0:44:15.799
<v Speaker 2>lean on someone, definitely find someone to seek professional help.

0:44:16.160 --> 0:44:16.399
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:44:16.520 --> 0:44:20.480
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, this is one that I didn't follow all the

0:44:20.480 --> 0:44:23.719
<v Speaker 2>way through, which I wish I did, And I'll get

0:44:23.800 --> 0:44:26.240
<v Speaker 2>if you can hear taking advice from me is write

0:44:26.239 --> 0:44:28.759
<v Speaker 2>down negatives right like a hate mail. Don't focus on

0:44:28.800 --> 0:44:31.440
<v Speaker 2>the good things, so when you are feeling sad, you

0:44:31.480 --> 0:44:33.239
<v Speaker 2>can go back and read that letter. I know you've

0:44:33.280 --> 0:44:35.840
<v Speaker 2>said in the past that you've done that. I started

0:44:35.840 --> 0:44:39.080
<v Speaker 2>one in true spirit, got distracted by something else, didn't

0:44:39.080 --> 0:44:41.000
<v Speaker 2>get to finish it. But I wish I had done

0:44:41.040 --> 0:44:42.400
<v Speaker 2>something like that so I could fall back on it

0:44:42.400 --> 0:44:44.440
<v Speaker 2>when I was in and down and feeling in the dumps.

0:44:44.480 --> 0:44:45.360
<v Speaker 2>I could read back on that.

0:44:45.680 --> 0:44:49.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's something that I did in my last breakup,

0:44:49.920 --> 0:44:53.080
<v Speaker 1>and any moment of weakness I had, I was like, Okay,

0:44:53.160 --> 0:44:55.359
<v Speaker 1>now this is all the reasons why it didn't work,

0:44:55.400 --> 0:44:57.919
<v Speaker 1>and I'm gonna stick to my guns on this one.

0:44:58.000 --> 0:45:01.560
<v Speaker 1>But look, we all kind of our own path from

0:45:01.640 --> 0:45:03.680
<v Speaker 1>me and all the where's your head at fam, we

0:45:03.840 --> 0:45:06.839
<v Speaker 1>are sorry that you're going through this really hard time

0:45:06.880 --> 0:45:09.319
<v Speaker 1>and we are all here to support you. So we

0:45:09.400 --> 0:45:12.920
<v Speaker 1>have an amazing community. We all care about you and

0:45:13.280 --> 0:45:15.880
<v Speaker 1>with sending all of our well wishes, thank you for sharing.

0:45:16.239 --> 0:45:18.680
<v Speaker 2>Look, I've obviously been a hard couple of months. Jen

0:45:18.719 --> 0:45:21.439
<v Speaker 2>and I've broken up. Look we're obviously on good terms now,

0:45:21.520 --> 0:45:25.279
<v Speaker 2>we're chatting, we're open to whatever comes. We're hanging out

0:45:25.440 --> 0:45:27.600
<v Speaker 2>every now and then, so see us out together. We're

0:45:27.600 --> 0:45:29.920
<v Speaker 2>hanging out. We are, we're just trying to you know,

0:45:30.560 --> 0:45:32.440
<v Speaker 2>if something as well that brought to our at tension

0:45:32.600 --> 0:45:35.160
<v Speaker 2>was when we started seeing each other, we skipped all

0:45:35.200 --> 0:45:38.360
<v Speaker 2>the dating stuff. We just went straight into like a

0:45:38.400 --> 0:45:40.640
<v Speaker 2>relationship because of the situation we're in lockdown. I know

0:45:40.680 --> 0:45:42.640
<v Speaker 2>you did the same, but I think to us it

0:45:42.760 --> 0:45:45.000
<v Speaker 2>was a bit more like so now we're just going

0:45:45.040 --> 0:45:48.680
<v Speaker 2>on dates, we're just having chats, nothing, no pressure on anything,

0:45:48.680 --> 0:45:50.680
<v Speaker 2>and we're seeing where it goes. We're both open to it.

0:45:51.080 --> 0:45:54.880
<v Speaker 2>But I think a really big point that I know personally,

0:45:54.880 --> 0:45:57.439
<v Speaker 2>I can't speak for Jen, but I need to work

0:45:57.440 --> 0:46:01.000
<v Speaker 2>on myself. I need to better understand myself. Always just

0:46:01.080 --> 0:46:03.279
<v Speaker 2>expected people to accept the way I am, and I

0:46:03.320 --> 0:46:05.719
<v Speaker 2>think that I need to come to some sort of

0:46:06.440 --> 0:46:09.319
<v Speaker 2>place where I can, you know, make it easier for

0:46:09.360 --> 0:46:13.240
<v Speaker 2>people around me to understand me. So I'm working on myself.

0:46:13.400 --> 0:46:16.759
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I listened in all those points. I'm like

0:46:16.920 --> 0:46:18.480
<v Speaker 2>changed the way I'm living my life and I'm just

0:46:18.480 --> 0:46:19.160
<v Speaker 2>trying to be better.

0:46:19.440 --> 0:46:22.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, okay, guys, well look that's all we have time

0:46:23.000 --> 0:46:26.520
<v Speaker 1>for today. We hope this episode has helped some people

0:46:26.560 --> 0:46:29.319
<v Speaker 1>that are going through a similar thing. Let's continue this

0:46:29.360 --> 0:46:34.120
<v Speaker 1>conversation on our Facebook page. Make sure you rate our podcast.

0:46:34.440 --> 0:46:38.080
<v Speaker 1>We will be giving away some merch to some people

0:46:38.200 --> 0:46:41.160
<v Speaker 1>who are rating, and just send us a dam on

0:46:41.200 --> 0:46:44.200
<v Speaker 1>our Where's your Head Out Pod Instagram once you've done

0:46:44.239 --> 0:46:47.680
<v Speaker 1>that so we know who you are. Until next time, guys,

0:46:47.840 --> 0:46:48.719
<v Speaker 1>thank you so much

0:46:48.920 --> 0:46:54.000
<v Speaker 2>Thank you, Bye bye.