WEBVTT - Deleted Messages & Avoidant Friends: Your Dilemmas Part 2 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:02.280 We were just talking for a month before he asked 0:00:02.279 --> 0:00:05.840 me to be his girlfriend in June. Yeah, same, like 0:00:06.440 --> 0:00:08.039 quick or you'll lose me. 0:00:11.160 --> 0:00:16.079 Byde Right now, we are in America, so as we 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:18.480 spoke last week, this episode is just going to be 0:00:18.520 --> 0:00:20.600 a continuation of our dilemmas. 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:22.919 You we would have just finished coach Ola, so we 0:00:22.920 --> 0:00:24.959 would have been like, we're dying. 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:26.960 We are in very rustling dying. 0:00:27.080 --> 0:00:29.040 So hopefully we can give you guys something to make 0:00:29.080 --> 0:00:30.560 you feel a little bit better than we do. 0:00:30.840 --> 0:00:35.000 Yeah, both go straight into cool question of the week 0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:45.400 is he what is the worst piece of advice you followed. 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:58.240 That my exes were worth pursuing. Honestly, I don't regret it. 0:00:58.320 --> 0:01:00.760 I just think it's take me a long time to 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:03.560 get back to a place where I feel like myself. 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:06.760 You know, yeah, I have a few. Actually, to be fair, 0:01:06.760 --> 0:01:08.440 I don't really think anyone told me to pursue that. 0:01:10.400 --> 0:01:13.600 I think I did that all on my own. 0:01:14.560 --> 0:01:20.160 A psychic once told me, oh, to not go no contact. 0:01:20.840 --> 0:01:23.080 Oh why would they ever say that? 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:25.280 And I'm like, oh, fair boog back a message in 0:01:25.319 --> 0:01:27.160 whenever I want a psychic. 0:01:27.720 --> 0:01:30.120 That's fair. That's And then you're thinking the psychic told 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:30.520 me something. 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:32.320 Yeah, its just that Wad hates Ti mich Oh, I 0:01:32.319 --> 0:01:34.399 shouldn't replied, and I'm oh, well, the psychic told me 0:01:34.480 --> 0:01:36.120 not to like funny. 0:01:35.920 --> 0:01:40.120 Side note, not funny. Actually, I saw a psychic on Sunday. 0:01:40.440 --> 0:01:42.360 I've been seeing a lot of psychics. 0:01:42.640 --> 0:01:44.880 I was gonna say, I just think they're interesting. 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:49.680 And she mentioned that La was going to fall and 0:01:49.920 --> 0:01:52.760 that she assumed it would be the fires, but obviously 0:01:52.800 --> 0:01:54.840 it wasn't. And then it's going to be an earthquake. 0:01:56.120 --> 0:01:56.880 How'd you say that? 0:01:57.200 --> 0:01:58.560 Well, why would I say that? 0:01:58.760 --> 0:01:59.640 Hate earthquakes? 0:01:59.800 --> 0:02:02.480 Yeah, so do I and that I will be fine, 0:02:02.520 --> 0:02:06.120 like I will live. But she doesn't know when it's 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:07.560 going to happen, just that it will happen this year. 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:10.919 So obviously we're only there for a month and three weeks. 0:02:10.919 --> 0:02:12.880 So it's like, you know, let's just hope that it's 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:14.560 not all way there if it happens at all. 0:02:16.840 --> 0:02:20.280 All right, we're going straight into your dilemmas. We're wasting 0:02:20.320 --> 0:02:22.840 no time around here, so get away, girl, buckle up 0:02:22.880 --> 0:02:25.919 for this dilemma. Apparently, she's saying, So, I've been dating 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:28.639 this guy, let's call him Jack, since May twenty twenty three, 0:02:28.680 --> 0:02:31.800 so coming up on two years. But we were just 0:02:31.880 --> 0:02:34.000 talking for a month before he asked me to be 0:02:34.080 --> 0:02:37.440 his girlfriend in June pattern I rate that yeah, same, 0:02:37.800 --> 0:02:43.160 I like, or you'll lose me yeah, one hundred literally. 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:46.040 The next month I drove to Port Stevens, Newcastle with 0:02:46.120 --> 0:02:49.640 him that's where he's from, his family and friends. Stayed 0:02:49.639 --> 0:02:51.160 for a week and then drove back home to the 0:02:51.160 --> 0:02:54.119 Gold Coast. In January twenty twenty four, so eight months 0:02:54.160 --> 0:02:57.440 into our relationship, Jack somehow convinced me to move to 0:02:57.480 --> 0:02:59.760 Newcastle as he wants to save some money for twelve 0:02:59.800 --> 0:03:02.639 months then go back to the Gold Coast. It took 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:05.120 a lot of convincing as I went in June. It 0:03:05.200 --> 0:03:06.519 was nice for a week, but I could never see 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:07.320 myself living there. 0:03:07.720 --> 0:03:10.600 Nice for a week, but your expectant to live there. 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:13.960 But for a boy. I'm dumb, and I thought I'd 0:03:13.960 --> 0:03:16.800 give it a go. Anyway, fast forward to about seven 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:19.359 months of living in the Bay that's where they call 0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:21.639 her where I live. I had this gut feeling. He 0:03:21.720 --> 0:03:23.400 always tells me a little white lies that I would 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:25.720 catch him on, but this felt different. Jack had his 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:28.720 phone connected to his old iPad, so when he went 0:03:28.760 --> 0:03:31.359 out for a surf, I looked on his iPad. 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:31.640 As one does. 0:03:32.040 --> 0:03:36.400 All I'm hearing is he's a surfer. Oh my god, 0:03:39.480 --> 0:03:41.360 How am I giving advice to people? 0:03:42.800 --> 0:03:44.680 You're good at giving advice, but when you listen to. 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:47.240 You take your own advice. Ever, yeah, I should though. 0:03:47.560 --> 0:03:49.960 I looked on his Instagram and found messages between him 0:03:49.960 --> 0:03:52.800 and his ex that only broke up because she moved 0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:56.440 to Hawaii for surfing. It's kind of hot. There were 0:03:56.480 --> 0:03:59.400 messages between them all the way back to June twenty 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:04.600 twenty three, like to know when I came back to 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:07.400 visit the bay, saying how much they miss each other 0:04:07.440 --> 0:04:09.800 with red love hearts and saying that she was in 0:04:09.840 --> 0:04:11.560 the bay at the same time that they were there 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:13.560 for a week. To this day, I don't know if 0:04:13.560 --> 0:04:15.440 they're actually caught up, because he went out for a 0:04:15.480 --> 0:04:18.480 surf every day and she does two. But he denies it. 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:20.560 When I called him to say I wanted to talk 0:04:20.560 --> 0:04:23.560 to him about something when he got home, Miraculously, the 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:27.479 whole conversation between him and then was deleted before he 0:04:27.560 --> 0:04:33.200 got home. No talk about guilty conscience. Wow. Fast forward 0:04:33.240 --> 0:04:35.920 a few months, another one of his ex's messages him 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:39.080 on Instagram asking if we're still talking because she's still 0:04:39.120 --> 0:04:42.279 interested and doesn't want to waste her time, and he 0:04:42.520 --> 0:04:45.680 replies to her having a conversation with her, but it 0:04:45.760 --> 0:04:48.400 ends in saying it might not look like it, but yes, 0:04:48.520 --> 0:04:49.800 I guess we're still together. 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:50.919 Fuck that. 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:53.440 Okay, you are not moving your life to the Bay 0:04:53.760 --> 0:04:56.360 for this man. You are breaking up with him, as 0:04:56.440 --> 0:04:58.200 she already lives back to Gold Coast. I know, but 0:04:58.240 --> 0:04:59.440 she's moving back to Gold Coast. 0:04:59.600 --> 0:05:02.560 And again when I question him about it, miraculously, the 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:06.320 whole conversation is deleted again. Ever since this, I've been 0:05:06.440 --> 0:05:09.560 so put off and never felt the same towards him. 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:11.320 I still have so much love for him, but I 0:05:11.320 --> 0:05:13.320 don't want to hug or kiss him or anything. Yeah, 0:05:13.320 --> 0:05:15.960 because you're disgusted by him, Yeah, you're done, girl. He's 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:18.159 been love bombing me ever since because he knows I 0:05:18.200 --> 0:05:20.120 treated him so well and he doesn't want to lose me. 0:05:20.360 --> 0:05:23.080 He brings me coffee every morning after his search with 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:25.160 a note on it. He would literally wipe my ass 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:25.560 if I ask. 0:05:25.680 --> 0:05:28.880 Yeah, but it brings you coffee and textas X. Coffee 0:05:28.880 --> 0:05:29.640 doesn't matter that much. 0:05:29.680 --> 0:05:30.080 About way. 0:05:30.120 --> 0:05:32.640 Yeah, and he should be like he's doing that now 0:05:32.680 --> 0:05:35.120 because he lose you. That's not innately in his being. 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:37.520 And the moment you forgive him, he'll stop doing it. 0:05:37.680 --> 0:05:40.120 Yeah. We've now been here for a year and two 0:05:40.160 --> 0:05:42.360 munchs and there's no sign of any money saved or 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:45.680 moving back time any anytime soon, like he promised. I 0:05:45.680 --> 0:05:47.800 miss home and I want to move back for all 0:05:47.839 --> 0:05:50.120 my money that I had saved to go home towards 0:05:50.120 --> 0:05:53.039 my puppy twenty one thousand dollars that bill in January 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:55.800 to save his life. That's another story. So my day, 0:05:55.880 --> 0:05:57.600 La Mirry is I'm kind of stuck. I don't have 0:05:57.640 --> 0:05:59.640 any savings now to move home, and I'm living in 0:05:59.640 --> 0:06:01.840 his space room. We don't pay rent as we live 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:04.680 at his dad's house. We aren't together and haven't been 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:06.800 for about five months, and I'm just not feeling it. 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:08.800 But I kind of have no choice but to stay 0:06:08.839 --> 0:06:11.320 here until I save up again. I can't move in 0:06:11.680 --> 0:06:13.640 with my mum or dad as though with their partners 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:16.120 and kids, so there's no room. I don't have a 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:18.520 job right now because my crippling anxiety and I've just 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:21.000 started medication for it. I do a little bit of 0:06:21.000 --> 0:06:24.200 online work, which gets me by. At the moment, I 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:26.839 feel so flat and unmotivated every day, and there's nothing 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:28.919 here for me. I have two dogs and that's the 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:31.680 only thing keeping me happy at the moment. I don't 0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:33.479 know what to do, and I feel so lost right now. 0:06:33.600 --> 0:06:35.440 I'm almost twenty three, and I feel like I should 0:06:35.480 --> 0:06:37.600 have my life on track. Send help. First of all, 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:39.960 you're only twenty three, so you don't have to. 0:06:39.880 --> 0:06:41.440 Have your life on track twenty three. 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:45.080 I'm twenty four and hunt, I've got no fucking idea 0:06:45.080 --> 0:06:46.520 what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. 0:06:46.960 --> 0:06:50.320 But honestly, I think, look, starting anxiety men's will be 0:06:50.360 --> 0:06:52.840 a great thing for the anxiety mm hmm. So hopefully 0:06:52.880 --> 0:06:55.400 that gets under control soon, I honestly reckon it takes 0:06:55.400 --> 0:06:58.640 probably a month a month maybe for things to go 0:06:58.720 --> 0:07:00.719 back to normal. But I think for Port of callers 0:07:00.800 --> 0:07:03.599 to start looking for work, I think that is step one. 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:07.640 Do something chill, something like work as a receptionist or something. 0:07:07.760 --> 0:07:10.080 You know, work at a cafe where you're around people. 0:07:10.120 --> 0:07:12.360 I feel like you feel very isolated at the moment 0:07:12.480 --> 0:07:14.400 because you obviously only have. 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:15.880 Here someone you can make friends. 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:18.440 Yeah, I think get a job at a cafe. I 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:20.600 know you say you have crippling anxiety, but I think 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:23.040 at the moment, you're in survival mode and you need 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:25.440 to like make ends meet, get on fairy Floss in 0:07:25.480 --> 0:07:27.960 the Gold Coast and just move. You need to like 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:29.800 work hard, put your head down, bump up for. 0:07:29.720 --> 0:07:31.720 A few weeks. By the way, is somewhere you can 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:32.360 buy a roommate. 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:33.760 Even if you have a friend that has a spare 0:07:33.840 --> 0:07:35.840 room or a couch, they'd be willing to let you 0:07:35.880 --> 0:07:37.760 stay on for a couple weeks until you find a place, 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:41.320 just because honestly, the situation right now you obviously know 0:07:41.400 --> 0:07:43.520 isn't sustainable, It isn't ideal. But I think port of 0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:45.880 call one is to start saving some money. So you 0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:46.600 need to get a job. 0:07:46.760 --> 0:07:49.640 Yeah, I think that's like literally your only solution. Or 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:52.320 you could go to your parents and say, I really 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:54.840 need to get the fuck out of here. I understand why, 0:07:54.880 --> 0:07:57.280 Like I obviously I can't live with you guys. I'm 0:07:57.280 --> 0:08:00.440 sure they will be able to help either way, and 0:08:00.640 --> 0:08:02.640 just like get you out of there so then you 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:05.240 can be relocated back in the Gold Coast. Your anxiety 0:08:05.280 --> 0:08:08.360 will go down, you'll feel much more happier, much more stable, 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:10.800 you're not in this toxic cycle. That then we'll help 0:08:10.880 --> 0:08:13.160 you get a job and then earning some money, and. 0:08:13.120 --> 0:08:15.120 Then things will start looking up. But remember you are 0:08:15.160 --> 0:08:16.760 twenty three, so don't feel like you need to have 0:08:16.760 --> 0:08:18.760 your life on tracks just yet, like you need to 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:23.600 get rid of that guilt because standard yeah. 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:31.120 Very okay. Number two. 0:08:31.600 --> 0:08:33.319 I've been friends with this one girl for a while 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:35.959 since about year nine. We became super super close and 0:08:36.000 --> 0:08:37.760 you're eleven, and then she and I started to go 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:40.839 through some mental health struggles around the same time. We 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:43.040 were originally in a group of five, but as she 0:08:43.080 --> 0:08:45.800 and I became closer and closer, we started to distance ourselves. 0:08:46.240 --> 0:08:47.760 My mum used to tell me at the time that 0:08:47.800 --> 0:08:50.360 she and I had an unhealthy attachment rooted in the 0:08:50.360 --> 0:08:52.920 fact that we were both a little unstable and suffering mentally. 0:08:53.520 --> 0:08:55.440 We would lean on each other for reassurance that what 0:08:55.480 --> 0:08:58.040 we were feeling was normal and we were simply outcasts 0:08:58.080 --> 0:09:01.240 who were different. She ended up getting diagnosed with OCD, 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:03.199 which in turn made me feel like I had to 0:09:03.840 --> 0:09:05.720 When I write this out now, it sounds crazy, but 0:09:05.760 --> 0:09:08.320 at the time I just felt super misunderstood and thought 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:10.240 she was the only person who got me and was 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:12.319 there for me. So the last two years of high 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:15.319 school we were both basically inseparable, really low in terms 0:09:15.320 --> 0:09:16.360 of mental health and just. 0:09:16.240 --> 0:09:16.920 Not doing well. 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:19.800 But she became like a sister to me. Now it's 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:22.080 my first year of UNI. I've finally started on an 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:25.079 antidepressant as of December, which has helped me so much. 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:28.560 I feel normal again. I can function in everyday life, 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:31.760 talk to people, look after myself, and enjoy living. I've 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:33.520 made heaps of friends at UNI, and I have been 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:36.480 putting myself out there socially, going on dates and partying. 0:09:36.920 --> 0:09:37.960 This girl is the opposite. 0:09:38.080 --> 0:09:40.120 She's still stuck in the mental right she's been in 0:09:40.160 --> 0:09:42.800 for the past three years. She's not working or studying 0:09:42.880 --> 0:09:45.440 or going out. I'm her only friend. It makes me 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:47.480 so so upset as we talked about how much better 0:09:47.480 --> 0:09:49.560 life would be once we got out of high school 0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:52.000 and how we can't wait to do everything together. I'm 0:09:52.000 --> 0:09:55.000 at that point of freedom, but she's not. The dilemma 0:09:55.120 --> 0:09:57.079 is that she's very upset about this. She feels like 0:09:57.120 --> 0:09:59.640 I'm abandoning her simply because I'm making new connections and 0:09:59.640 --> 0:10:02.280 doing things without her. When I do invite her to 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:04.040 go out, ninety nine percent of the time, she tells 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:06.600 me she doesn't feel well enough. She's also an insane, 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:10.080 compulsive liar, which I think stems from mental struggles. She's 0:10:10.160 --> 0:10:13.800 lied about crazy things like having cancer as for six 0:10:13.880 --> 0:10:17.800 years as a child, having a stillborn brother, being related 0:10:17.800 --> 0:10:21.440 to random celebrities like The Rock, coming from poverty Okay, 0:10:21.480 --> 0:10:23.840 Anna Paul, and her mum having. 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:24.640 To ment her at fifty. 0:10:25.360 --> 0:10:27.199 She uses these things to manipulate me and make me 0:10:27.240 --> 0:10:30.760 feel guilty, like a real victim complex. She's also quite 0:10:30.760 --> 0:10:33.720 sensitive and immature, so any type of conflict results in 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:35.360 me always having to be the bigger person and just 0:10:35.440 --> 0:10:38.240 apologize and move on. I love her so much, but 0:10:38.280 --> 0:10:40.440 I think it's a toxic type of love. When I 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:43.559 distance myself, I find myself missing her. I also try 0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:45.280 to look for the good parts of her personality and 0:10:45.320 --> 0:10:48.600 other people when making friends. It almost feels abusive in 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:50.080 a way, and I'm so stuck on what to do. 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:52.439 I'm now eighteen and in UNI and have the whole 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:53.880 world at my hand, so I don't want to be 0:10:53.920 --> 0:10:54.520 held back. 0:10:57.960 --> 0:11:02.040 The complex of like her not taking she still feels 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:06.080 so isolated, but like, you can't live your life to 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:09.640 make her happy. And you guys were there for each 0:11:09.640 --> 0:11:11.640 other when you both needed her, and you've kind of 0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:13.760 grown up and you just need to leave that in 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:16.440 the past. And obviously she's still stuck in that and 0:11:16.480 --> 0:11:19.280 that's not your responsibility to get her out of that anymore. 0:11:19.360 --> 0:11:20.480 She's not willing to change. 0:11:20.280 --> 0:11:22.320 Your shoes or whatever is your responsibility, you know. 0:11:22.480 --> 0:11:25.240 And I feel like you've taken the leap and it 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:27.880 wasn't easy to like get out of that rut and 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:29.880 allow yourself to enjoy life a little bit. 0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:32.320 And hopefully she will. 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:34.280 Feel like that again one day when she feels like 0:11:34.320 --> 0:11:36.160 there is no other options. But right now she knows 0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:38.320 that she can just suck you back into it. I 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:42.840 think she's being a bad friend by not being happy 0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:43.280 for you. 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:44.720 Yeah, that you're. 0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:46.240 Now out of that stage of life. 0:11:46.400 --> 0:11:48.520 You know, like you're doing all the right things by 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:51.319 like offering to her to go and everything like that, 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:53.120 but at the end of the day, you can't really 0:11:53.120 --> 0:11:55.839 control her and what she's doing. I think you need 0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:58.640 to just like really walk away. I know it's so hard. 0:11:58.679 --> 0:12:00.880 I had a girl in high school had a lot 0:12:00.880 --> 0:12:03.960 of mental problems and it weighed so heavily on me, 0:12:04.160 --> 0:12:06.240 and like I took her problems on as my own, 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:09.319 but I ultimately have to step away from that because 0:12:09.360 --> 0:12:12.720 it was dangerous to me and like my wellbeing. And 0:12:12.760 --> 0:12:14.679 I know that that's super selfish, but like, you do 0:12:14.760 --> 0:12:16.680 need to put yourself first and the only person that 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:17.840 you have in your life is you. 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:21.800 So I feel like therapy is something that might be 0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:23.720 beneficial to this go. I'm not sure if that's something 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:26.320 you could get her talk her into maybe giving it 0:12:26.360 --> 0:12:30.840 a go of talking to someone a psychologist, just because 0:12:31.280 --> 0:12:33.520 she also needs to start now taking steps to get 0:12:33.559 --> 0:12:35.160 out of that right And I almost feel like maybe 0:12:35.160 --> 0:12:37.480 she not that she doesn't want true, but she's not 0:12:37.520 --> 0:12:40.199 actively trying to. She's just hoping she can get you 0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:43.319 back in it. And I feel like that is an abusive, 0:12:43.360 --> 0:12:45.720 toxic kind of love, and you need to stay focused 0:12:45.760 --> 0:12:48.280 on the path ahead of like you wanting to enjoy life, 0:12:49.160 --> 0:12:51.880 and hopefully she'll one day feel that same way. 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:54.360 Yeah, it might take her a little longer, but I 0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:56.480 think you always say, like I'm always here to support you, 0:12:56.520 --> 0:12:58.640 and I'm always here for you, but you really need 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:01.720 to like, start doing things for yourself. 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:04.040 Yeap, because that hole she has on you isn't going 0:13:04.080 --> 0:13:05.560 to benefit either of you in the long run. 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:08.320 Agreed. But that sounds really, really, really fucking hard. 0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:14.240 It's very shitty. I'm so sorry. SUBII number three. My 0:13:14.320 --> 0:13:16.079 boyfriend and I have been together for two and a 0:13:16.120 --> 0:13:18.920 half years, but we haven't had sex for a month. 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:21.240 When I finally pushed for an answer, he told me, 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:24.439 Oh my fucking god, oh no. When I finally pushed 0:13:24.440 --> 0:13:26.880 for an answer, he told me, is because I've gained weight. 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:29.800 What the fuck? Drop him? 0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:32.599 Puberty blue style, Get your friend to tell him that 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:33.559 he's been dropped. 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:34.920 This guy's done though. 0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:37.480 At the start of twenty twenty four, I was sixty 0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:41.000 two kilos and now I'm seventy. But last year I 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:43.319 broke my back in Europe and I've only just gotten 0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:45.240 back to the gym in the last twelve weeks. 0:13:45.559 --> 0:13:47.760 Brother, The fact that you're even going to the gym 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:49.120 after having broken your back, like. 0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:51.079 Babe, congratulate yourself on this. 0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:53.160 Yeah, be proud of yourself, and he should be proud 0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:56.520 of you as well. And understand that being probably stagnant 0:13:56.559 --> 0:13:59.160 for a while because of a broken back I'm not 0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:01.080 going to look like a fuck and supermodel hunt, but 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:02.320 if you love me, it shouldn't matter. 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:06.400 Yeah. When we met, I was nineteen and struggling with depression. 0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:09.319 I wasn't eating enough and overtraining. While I might have 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:12.679 looked better on the outside, I actually wasn't happy. I 0:14:12.720 --> 0:14:16.800 can completely relate to on that. Then he also admitted 0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:19.600 that he's been curious about sleeping with other people since 0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:22.520 he's only been with two other people before me. I 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:26.000 understand to degree, but after two years together it feels brutal. 0:14:26.040 --> 0:14:28.240 We got to the point of almost breaking up, talking 0:14:28.240 --> 0:14:31.600 about splitting furniture what would happen with that dog? Before 0:14:31.640 --> 0:14:33.760 he suddenly changed his mind and didn't mean any of 0:14:33.800 --> 0:14:36.560 it and wanted to stay together. I've been wanting to 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:39.040 move to Melbourne for such a long time, but I've 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:41.160 held off because of him. Now I feel like I've 0:14:41.200 --> 0:14:43.600 lost my confidence. I hate my body. I see myself 0:14:43.600 --> 0:14:46.120 the way he sees me. I don't have anyone to 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:48.880 talk about it too, as my mom passed away recently. 0:14:49.040 --> 0:14:50.600 I'm so sorry to hear that guy. 0:14:50.400 --> 0:14:52.760 And I'd love to hear your advice. Would you stay 0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:55.280 and try work things out or leave? To see what's 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:58.720 out there. Are his reasons about my weight valid? No, no, 0:14:58.960 --> 0:15:00.600 always is a big issue. No no, no. 0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:04.560 You congratulate yourself that you are feeling better mentally, that 0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:08.240 you're eating better, that you're functioning as a better person, 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:11.040 do you know what I mean? Literally, that is amazing 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:13.560 in its own right, So you should just be glad 0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:16.320 of that. Anyone making you feel like that isn't such 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:19.200 a great thing, does not need to be in your life. Firstly, 0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:21.240 always gonna say you need to break up with this woman, 0:15:21.280 --> 0:15:23.480 You need to move to Melbourne and just experience it. 0:15:23.520 --> 0:15:25.240 If you want to move to Melbourne, don't let someone 0:15:25.240 --> 0:15:28.400 hold you back. And if you feel better inside then 0:15:28.440 --> 0:15:30.720 that is literally all that matters, and you probably look 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:31.160 better too. 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:35.000 Yeah. For someone to outly admit that you have gained 0:15:35.040 --> 0:15:37.120 weight and he's not having sex with you because he's 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:40.280 not attracted to you is literally a self projection that 0:15:40.320 --> 0:15:42.960 he is insecure about himself and he needs to find 0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:46.440 a reason with you to obviously put you down and 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:48.840 to make you feel shit about yourself. If someone truly 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:51.240 loved you, they should not care about how much you 0:15:51.280 --> 0:15:53.640 weigh or what you look like, because love isn't a 0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:56.960 physical thing. Love is an emotional attachment to someone and 0:15:56.960 --> 0:15:58.520 they should be able to look past it. And it's 0:15:58.720 --> 0:16:00.520 disgusting that he has that otherwise. 0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:02.600 And I think he's scared to lose you when he 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:04.760 finally was faced with that reality. But he's the type 0:16:04.760 --> 0:16:08.640 of guy that will the moment he thinks someone better 0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:10.680 comes along, someone that he thinks is better, I'll go 0:16:10.720 --> 0:16:12.520 to someone. You'll go to someone else. I'm not saying 0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:14.960 she will be better than you, but in his mind, 0:16:15.040 --> 0:16:16.560 he's just marting his time, I think. 0:16:16.600 --> 0:16:17.800 And you need to get out before. 0:16:17.680 --> 0:16:20.120 Yeah, he'll have something like Yeah, it's the typical thing 0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:22.640 of like he once he finds someone to line something 0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:24.440 up to to like jump to the next he will. 0:16:24.520 --> 0:16:25.840 And if you try to work, do you want to 0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:27.280 work it out with a guy that treats makes you 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:29.400 feel that way? Do you want to marry a guy 0:16:29.440 --> 0:16:30.920 that makes you feel that way? What about when you 0:16:31.000 --> 0:16:34.400 gain weight when you're pregnant? Yeah then what Yeah? No, 0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:36.800 this guy sucks and he needs he needs to go. 0:16:37.680 --> 0:16:41.000 So I'm sorry you're experiencing that. That sounds allo. If 0:16:41.040 --> 0:16:42.960 you want to Melbourn, move to Melbourne. People are great. 0:16:43.000 --> 0:16:45.600 Here's everything's fun here. You will love it, and I 0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:47.200 feel like it will only be the start of your 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:48.080 life when you come here. 0:16:48.120 --> 0:16:51.400 Ye take the dog and fucking run, babe, Yeah, take 0:16:51.400 --> 0:16:51.680 the dog. 0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:56.840 Okay, guys, So this has been a doozy. So I 0:16:56.880 --> 0:16:59.000 broke up with my boyfriend of nearly four years just 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:01.240 over a month ago. I've been emotionally checked out of 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:04.000 their relationship for a lot longer than I realized. I 0:17:04.040 --> 0:17:05.800 met this guy during the final weeks of me and 0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:08.359 my boyfriend dating and I had just moved to university. 0:17:09.200 --> 0:17:12.080 We were just friends and he was very flirtatious. Nevertheless, 0:17:12.160 --> 0:17:14.440 this is where it gets messy. A few days after 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:17.200 breaking up, I got with this guy. I started seeing 0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:19.720 him most nights, but mainly just talking all night about 0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:22.400 what makes us tick and just deep stuff. I feel 0:17:22.440 --> 0:17:24.560