1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:01,639 Speaker 1: I'll get a team. 2 00:00:01,680 --> 00:00:04,160 Speaker 2: Welcome to another installment of the show, well, in fact 3 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:08,320 Speaker 2: the shows. It is, of course The Self Help Antidote 4 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:12,440 Speaker 2: with Robert Capuccio, and it is The You Project with 5 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:14,160 Speaker 2: Fatty Harps, Jumbo Me. 6 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,160 Speaker 1: It's us, Hi, buddy. 7 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 3: What's going on? Hops? If you're Fatty Hops? I feel 8 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 3: really bad about myself. We're off to a horrible start. 9 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 2: Fatty Harps is literally gone. But well no, yeah, but 10 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:32,479 Speaker 2: just that version of me lives on. I still feel 11 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:35,360 Speaker 2: strongly connected to Jumbo. I should probably let it go, 12 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,960 Speaker 2: but I kind of like him. I have fun memories 13 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:38,360 Speaker 2: of him. 14 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,959 Speaker 1: There was a lot of yeah. 15 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:41,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 16 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:47,519 Speaker 2: It wasn't all. It was more bittersweet than bitter. So anyway, 17 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:48,199 Speaker 2: how are you. 18 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,560 Speaker 1: You're in New York. Are you seeing your mum or something? 19 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:51,199 Speaker 1: What's going on? 20 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 3: Ah? Yeah, she needs she needs a little bit of help. 21 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:59,440 Speaker 3: So the missus are also known as Amy and the 22 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 3: Cat is out here. So I'm actually out here visiting them. 23 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 3: They're going to be out here on a little bit 24 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:08,640 Speaker 3: of more of a long term basis than me. So 25 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,360 Speaker 3: I'm back in Brooklyn, back in colle Island. 26 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,360 Speaker 1: What is it like for you being back there? 27 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 2: Because you kind of grew up there, right and speaking 28 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:21,679 Speaker 2: a bittersweet which we were one minute ago, would is 29 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,039 Speaker 2: it bittersweet for you to go back to the place 30 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:27,880 Speaker 2: where there were lots of peaks and troughs to put 31 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,200 Speaker 2: it mildly, I. 32 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:33,680 Speaker 3: Just recently discussed this with my therapist. Actually, So yeah, 33 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:38,240 Speaker 3: the the apartment is kind of weird because a lot 34 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:41,440 Speaker 3: of really bad shit, just to put it, simply, went 35 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 3: down in this place, like in this room I'm sitting in. 36 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:48,520 Speaker 3: It was not filled with good memories, and a lot 37 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,240 Speaker 3: of the memories were absolutely terrifying. But now it's kind 38 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 3: of mixed in with this dysfunctional family unit that we 39 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,000 Speaker 3: have that kind of feels all right. You know, I've 40 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:03,080 Speaker 3: got my wife, the cat, you know, mom, and it's 41 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,440 Speaker 3: a very different dynamic. And I think it's you know, 42 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:12,760 Speaker 3: she has been seeking redemption, which I personally believe. By 43 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,760 Speaker 3: me saying I believe it doesn't mean I believe this 44 00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:20,160 Speaker 3: is right for everybody. I believe people who sincerely seek 45 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:25,119 Speaker 3: redemption should have a chance of getting it. 46 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:28,519 Speaker 2: Without without people, sorry, without opening that door to wide 47 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,919 Speaker 2: and going into specifics. So has your mom acknowledged stuff 48 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 2: to you and said, you know, or is it just 49 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 2: don't talk about it, but let's just do better. 50 00:02:38,639 --> 00:02:42,720 Speaker 3: Now she acknowledged it, and this is kind of a 51 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,680 Speaker 3: it's got a weird answer. She's acknowledged it as much 52 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:50,480 Speaker 3: as she is mentally capable of acknowledging it, as you 53 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,720 Speaker 3: well know. And I don't know how many listeners know, 54 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 3: but now they know she has a lot of or 55 00:02:56,160 --> 00:03:03,280 Speaker 3: a few developmental problems, which also comes with, on my end, 56 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 3: a bit of grace, you know, like we sometimes do 57 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,919 Speaker 3: the best we can with the resources we have, and 58 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,320 Speaker 3: she didn't have a lot of external internal resources. So 59 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:18,840 Speaker 3: as much as she can acknowledge what happened, she has, 60 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:21,360 Speaker 3: and that's all I'm really prepared to ask from her, 61 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,040 Speaker 3: you know, because there was a time where that that 62 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:26,160 Speaker 3: kind of didn't sit well with me, and it's like, 63 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:29,920 Speaker 3: what does that? What does that do for anybody in 64 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 3: their lives? Emotionally? What am I going to do, like 65 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:35,920 Speaker 3: punish her repeatedly? That's not That's not the person I 66 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,840 Speaker 3: want to be, And I don't think that's very healthy 67 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:41,640 Speaker 3: for me as an individual either. It's much better to 68 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:45,480 Speaker 3: hit the reset button and move forward with whatever type 69 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,360 Speaker 3: of family we have right now, Whilst there's still time 70 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:49,000 Speaker 3: to do that. 71 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:50,200 Speaker 1: In my mind. 72 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 3: Now coming back to the neighborhood is different because this 73 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,960 Speaker 3: neighborhood could be a bit scary growing up in Coney 74 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:01,800 Speaker 3: Island back in the nineteen in these eighties, like if 75 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,560 Speaker 3: you've ever seen the movie The Warriors, Now, it wasn't 76 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,960 Speaker 3: exactly like that. Gangs in New York didn't have their 77 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,920 Speaker 3: own special uniforms, but it was a really rough place 78 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:14,320 Speaker 3: to be. And now it's kind of cool. I kind 79 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,479 Speaker 3: of like the vibe in Cornee Island. It's like, yeah, 80 00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 3: it's like it's not a bad place to be from 81 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,640 Speaker 3: Like they've opened up the Freak Bar, which is kind 82 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:25,040 Speaker 3: of a bar where they opened up like the Freak Show. 83 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,960 Speaker 3: I don't know what's up there. When they said we 84 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,120 Speaker 3: have a freak show here, I thought they were referring 85 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,719 Speaker 3: to me as one of their patrons. But they used 86 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,680 Speaker 3: to have kind of like in the early nineteen hundred 87 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 3: it's Coney Island was the pre eminent like resort and 88 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:44,240 Speaker 3: attraction place on the East Coast in the US, and 89 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:47,480 Speaker 3: they would have all these like weird shows and everything. 90 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:51,560 Speaker 3: So all these attractions, I think they're they're opening up 91 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:55,600 Speaker 3: that element which is kind of eccentric. It's kind of different, 92 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 3: but it is. It is kind of cool, you know, 93 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,520 Speaker 3: the other day, just hanging out and you know, they 94 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:05,520 Speaker 3: had a local local cat belongs to the pub, came 95 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,360 Speaker 3: sat down next to me, hung out with me the 96 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:11,560 Speaker 3: whole time. So me and my two my wife and 97 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:15,960 Speaker 3: my ex girlfriend actually, so it was kind of an 98 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:16,920 Speaker 3: interesting afternoon. 99 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,560 Speaker 1: You make a good point. That is very interesting. 100 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 2: I think you had a fascinating, albeit painful childhood. But 101 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,240 Speaker 2: but like when you deal with or when you're now, 102 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:32,719 Speaker 2: you're an adult, and you're an educated, smart, you know, 103 00:05:32,839 --> 00:05:36,520 Speaker 2: somewhat fully operational, functional adult. I say somewhat for both 104 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:42,280 Speaker 2: of us. And the trauma is real, and the experiences 105 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:48,120 Speaker 2: that you went through were real, and some people would go, oh, 106 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:53,080 Speaker 2: you have a reason to be angry or resentful or 107 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:59,960 Speaker 2: and probably so, but there's no I think it's not 108 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:03,040 Speaker 2: like there's a set three step protocol that's going to 109 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:07,719 Speaker 2: work for everyone. And you know, so, like you say, 110 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:12,559 Speaker 2: for me, personally, I'm doing this, and I think I would, 111 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:15,839 Speaker 2: I would try to be. I mean, I was very privileged. 112 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:19,240 Speaker 2: I had a recentably great childhood compared to yours. But 113 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,000 Speaker 2: I think if I'd been through the trauma that you'd 114 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,719 Speaker 2: been through, and I would hope that I would be 115 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,960 Speaker 2: like you in that I'd say, well, I can't change 116 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 2: any of that or undo any of that, so you know, 117 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:36,080 Speaker 2: let's not keep putting kerosene on that flame. Let's like 118 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,120 Speaker 2: move ahead mentally and emotionally. 119 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 3: One of the things I really wish I had done, 120 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,479 Speaker 3: and it's one of those one of those things that 121 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:47,760 Speaker 3: you hear, but I never had an interest in doing it. 122 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:52,400 Speaker 3: I wish I kept a personal journal throughout my life, 123 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 3: because one I I was never at this point, you know, 124 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:04,320 Speaker 3: ten years ago, especially twenty years ago, which seems like yesterday, 125 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:06,919 Speaker 3: so it took me a long time to get here. 126 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,400 Speaker 3: And what I suspect would happen if I would look 127 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,560 Speaker 3: through my journal, or anybody who kept a journal over 128 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:17,680 Speaker 3: the span of multiple decades would see it would almost 129 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:22,000 Speaker 3: be as if that journal was written by different people. 130 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, and kind. 131 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 3: Of like a bibliography of all these people's experiences, because 132 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:32,400 Speaker 3: you're not the same person. And how I looked at 133 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:37,080 Speaker 3: the world and used or tried to use my experiences 134 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 3: both good and bad, mostly bad, to shape my reality 135 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:44,840 Speaker 3: and shape my sense of identity. It shifted over the years. 136 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 3: So in my twenties, what I would say in this 137 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:52,120 Speaker 3: conversation was markedly different than what I would say in 138 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:57,760 Speaker 3: my thirties and forties, and now my fifties. I kind of, 139 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 3: in some ways of come full circle. The ways have 140 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 3: a very unique perspective. But I was like three or 141 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:08,080 Speaker 3: four different people through the span of my adult life. 142 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 3: So when you're talking about, you know, your childhood or 143 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:17,840 Speaker 3: or any base in your life, what I'm curious about, great, 144 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:23,960 Speaker 3: is there something that you used to believe, like fevoritely 145 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 3: believe that served you that you no longer believe to 146 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:28,200 Speaker 3: be true. 147 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:35,360 Speaker 2: Mm hmm, there's I used to think that I used 148 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,680 Speaker 2: to truly believe that I wasn't good enough. 149 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:39,920 Speaker 1: Obviously I didn't. 150 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,560 Speaker 2: I didn't choose that as a belief to empower me 151 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:47,240 Speaker 2: or to you know, but I didn't. I I always 152 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 2: felt somewhat unworthy, inadequate, and I, you know, I feel 153 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,840 Speaker 2: like this is a version of everyone. So this is 154 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 2: no groundbreaking kind of revelation. 155 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,800 Speaker 1: So I think the. 156 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:08,560 Speaker 2: Self limiting and flawed belief that I had was that 157 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,920 Speaker 2: if I could only do enough stuff, achieve enough stuff, 158 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,560 Speaker 2: get enough stuff, look a certain way then I would 159 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 2: be lovable and people would love me, and I'd be 160 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 2: accepted and I'd belong. And this is weird because it's 161 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:26,440 Speaker 2: not like I had your childhood right, but this was 162 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,240 Speaker 2: truly people were pretty good to me. I just had 163 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:33,560 Speaker 2: this overwhelming you know, there was times when you know, 164 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,560 Speaker 2: being the fattest kid and all of that, didn't have 165 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,880 Speaker 2: great social moments. 166 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:43,400 Speaker 1: But I think the belief that I had was that if. 167 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:47,200 Speaker 2: I can do enough stuff in my external world, if 168 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:50,880 Speaker 2: I can own this or drive that, or look like 169 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:55,160 Speaker 2: that or have this girlfriend who's that gorgeous, And I 170 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:57,800 Speaker 2: know this is all very superficial and shallow, but I'm 171 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:03,880 Speaker 2: just being vulnerable and honest, that I would be the 172 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:07,160 Speaker 2: insecurity would go, the self doubt would go, I'd be confident, 173 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:11,840 Speaker 2: and obviously all of those things you know, not true, 174 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:18,079 Speaker 2: and so essentially trying to fix internal stuff with external stuff, 175 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:21,760 Speaker 2: you know, if I can, if I can, and very 176 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:26,320 Speaker 2: worried about or not worried, but maybe very aware about. 177 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,640 Speaker 2: Ironic that I'm doing a PhD in metaperception, which is 178 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 2: understanding how others understand you, but I was quite worried 179 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:38,880 Speaker 2: about what people thought of me, how I was perceived 180 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,560 Speaker 2: and whether or not I was this enough or that enough. 181 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:46,760 Speaker 2: And I always thought that or I guess I just 182 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:52,800 Speaker 2: had a subconscious belief that I could work my way 183 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 2: into that status, you know where if I did enough 184 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,520 Speaker 2: stuff and got enough stuff and you know, then that 185 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 2: would that would be the outcome is in a peace 186 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,959 Speaker 2: and fulfillment and joy and all of that. And obviously 187 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 2: that's you know, they're separate things and they may or 188 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:12,160 Speaker 2: may not live in the same person, but yeah, it's 189 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:16,680 Speaker 2: and just being able to, like I think, as you 190 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:20,560 Speaker 2: get older, you know, question the stories that you have 191 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,920 Speaker 2: about you know, like, well that's an interesting story Craig 192 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,079 Speaker 2: that if you do that then people will like him more. 193 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:30,800 Speaker 2: Great story, bullshit, but great story. You know, Like where 194 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:35,360 Speaker 2: do these stories come from? And I have a little 195 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,800 Speaker 2: funny anecdote and that is the other day I put 196 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:43,000 Speaker 2: up a picture of my godson, Mitchell, and he's just 197 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,960 Speaker 2: become a lawyer, and there was a photo of him 198 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,120 Speaker 2: outside the Supreme Court in Melbourne, which is a big deal. 199 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:52,320 Speaker 2: And I put up this photo and I said, essentially 200 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 2: this is on Instagram. I don't have any kids, but 201 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 2: I do have a godson, so I don't have kids 202 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,440 Speaker 2: to boast about, but I want to boast about my godson. 203 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 2: Here he is, This is Mitchell, you know, blah blah blah, 204 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,560 Speaker 2: and it's just this and he's tall and he's young, 205 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:09,120 Speaker 2: and he's good looking and he's a really good human and. 206 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,640 Speaker 1: I think you've got a panther in front of your camera. 207 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:20,520 Speaker 2: And anyway, what was funny was so I essentially put 208 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,880 Speaker 2: up a photo of a kid or a young man 209 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:29,679 Speaker 2: that most people don't know, and it got nearly two 210 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:34,160 Speaker 2: hundred thousand views that photo, and I'm thinking, what is 211 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:39,839 Speaker 2: amazing is like what still gets attention is young, gorgeous 212 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:43,280 Speaker 2: people like and we say things like, which is true? 213 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:44,280 Speaker 3: That's so rid? 214 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like that. 215 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,280 Speaker 2: I think it's I don't know, it's something like one 216 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,640 Speaker 2: hundred and eighty five or ninety thousand views at the moment. 217 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 2: But all I did was put up a picture of 218 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,240 Speaker 2: a young man that nobody knows, and it went nuts. 219 00:12:57,559 --> 00:12:59,840 Speaker 2: And I was thinking about that, and like a bunch 220 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 2: of people save that photo, like hundreds of people save 221 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:03,720 Speaker 2: the photo. 222 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,880 Speaker 1: And I'm thinking, we still live in a. 223 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:11,439 Speaker 2: World, for better or worse, where if you're attractive, you're 224 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:14,120 Speaker 2: going to get lots of attention, and I think that 225 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:19,160 Speaker 2: that teaches young people potentially a message that's not great 226 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:24,920 Speaker 2: for a range of reasons, but nonetheless it is still true. 227 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:27,600 Speaker 2: You know, I put up a photo of me, it's 228 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:30,600 Speaker 2: like there's no it's like three people look at it, 229 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:35,640 Speaker 2: you know. So, yeah, it's interesting all that external stuff, 230 00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:36,520 Speaker 2: internal stuff. 231 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 3: Well, it makes sense because when you're sharing all of this. 232 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,000 Speaker 3: There's three things that stood out in my mind, and 233 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,680 Speaker 3: one you talked about hiding grow up, you know, with 234 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:51,800 Speaker 3: the same experiences you grew up with. And you know, 235 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:57,560 Speaker 3: I don't necessarily think somebody needs extreme trauma in order 236 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 3: to leverage that and do something with it. I think 237 00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:06,160 Speaker 3: we all have the same basic human needs. Where you 238 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:11,000 Speaker 3: talk about I felt this feeling to a degree of inadequacy. 239 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:15,360 Speaker 3: I think we all have those same insecurities, those same needs, 240 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,880 Speaker 3: and a lot of the things that we desire have 241 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:22,480 Speaker 3: a lot of interconnection. But it's important and it's relevant 242 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,400 Speaker 3: to share those stories regardless of the background, because what 243 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 3: the differentiator is and what we learned from is how 244 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:32,280 Speaker 3: do you interpret that? Like what does that mean? Right? 245 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:34,600 Speaker 3: So in your case, it's like, Okay, if I go 246 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,880 Speaker 3: out and I achieve stuff and by achieving stuff, I 247 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:42,280 Speaker 3: can surround myself with external embulance that maybe I interpret 248 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,360 Speaker 3: is what separates me from other people, which I can 249 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,360 Speaker 3: relate to. Because you talked about physical attractiveness, I was 250 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:52,640 Speaker 3: not physically attractive. That my face was contorted, you know, 251 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 3: my teeth, my gums, I was physically deformed growing up. 252 00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,960 Speaker 3: So for me, beauty and external things is what I 253 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:05,560 Speaker 3: perceived as the things that made other people valuable to 254 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 3: one another. So I completely get that. So you might 255 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:11,360 Speaker 3: think I need to get to work and go build something. 256 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:14,560 Speaker 3: Somebody else might interpret that as I'll never be good enough. 257 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,960 Speaker 3: So what's the use of even trying to do anything. 258 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:23,600 Speaker 3: I'll just get by same same feeling, different interpretation, completely 259 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:27,840 Speaker 3: different outcome, and how it shapes your reality. And the 260 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:33,520 Speaker 3: third thing that is interesting is you were talking about 261 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:38,760 Speaker 3: your godson and how it made you feel forget like 262 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:43,600 Speaker 3: how everybody else interprets it, or Wow, this person's really attractive. 263 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,440 Speaker 3: It catches my attention. There's meaning for you there. So 264 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 3: I think when you look at the best times in 265 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:54,800 Speaker 3: your life, either in the past or you create this 266 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 3: future vision of what would what would good look like 267 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,640 Speaker 3: in the future, what would engage you look like. What 268 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 3: would success look like. I would like to propose that 269 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:08,240 Speaker 3: for the vast majority of people, not everybody, but for 270 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:13,320 Speaker 3: the vast majority of us, it involves others. Something that 271 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,360 Speaker 3: you build, who you building it with? Who are you 272 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:21,040 Speaker 3: building it for? So I think in your background, whether 273 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:27,280 Speaker 3: it was really difficult circumstances or it was circumstances that 274 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:31,080 Speaker 3: kind of gave framework for the things that we all 275 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 3: struggle with in the human experience. Good question is how 276 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:39,560 Speaker 3: can I use this to deepen my connection with those 277 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,880 Speaker 3: around me? Because I think that's what really matters at 278 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,280 Speaker 3: the end of the day. I think that's you know, 279 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:51,240 Speaker 3: like Matthew Lieberman, I just wrote something about this. He 280 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:56,920 Speaker 3: would propose that our brains are neurobiologically wired for one another. 281 00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:00,840 Speaker 3: And he's far from alone in that. Me growing up, 282 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:04,000 Speaker 3: I was talking about this with my wife the other day. 283 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:08,520 Speaker 3: Nobody liked me as a kid, even as a very 284 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,199 Speaker 3: young kid, like five years old. We used to do 285 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,840 Speaker 3: this thing. We were walking. How the conversation started. We 286 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:17,280 Speaker 3: were walking by a park. It's like, oh, okay, Seabury's Park, 287 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:19,959 Speaker 3: you know, like when we were all like five six 288 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 3: They used to put this in like the dance festival, 289 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 3: you know, like when you do those things and the 290 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,160 Speaker 3: parents come out in the middle of the summer, they're 291 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,480 Speaker 3: clapping and they're like, oh fucking hell, it's so hot 292 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,840 Speaker 3: in humid when's this thing going to be over? And 293 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,800 Speaker 3: none of the kids wanted to dance near me or 294 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:39,600 Speaker 3: hold my hand because I looked different than everybody else. 295 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:45,840 Speaker 3: Nobody looked like me growing up. And I think how 296 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:49,480 Speaker 3: that shaped me and connected me to people, amongst many 297 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:56,240 Speaker 3: other painful but formative experiences, was you know, I had 298 00:17:56,240 --> 00:18:00,520 Speaker 3: a disdain for people who are ostracized, the mission treated 299 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:05,400 Speaker 3: because they don't look like somebody else or how somebody 300 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:10,880 Speaker 3: thinks that person should look, because I know how much 301 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:16,119 Speaker 3: that hurts and how many presuppositions and how much cruelty 302 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:19,600 Speaker 3: is built into something like that. Because I didn't fit 303 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,800 Speaker 3: in with anyone, because it was absolutely no when I 304 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,679 Speaker 3: looked like I was like, Am I glad that I 305 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:28,879 Speaker 3: was going through my childhood, my teenage years physically deformed? No? 306 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,600 Speaker 3: If I can go back in time, but I do 307 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:37,480 Speaker 3: it again, Probably not. Am I grateful in retrospect that 308 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,639 Speaker 3: it happened? Yeah, because it opened me up to seeing 309 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,959 Speaker 3: people in a way that I might not have been 310 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:47,199 Speaker 3: able to say, so, you know, it's that feeling that 311 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:52,040 Speaker 3: we experience. But then there's that's interpretation and who does 312 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:56,280 Speaker 3: that make you? What identity emerges out of that story, 313 00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 3: out of that interpretation. 314 00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:01,199 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. 315 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:05,679 Speaker 2: Just backpeddling a little bit, that idea of the importance 316 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:09,720 Speaker 2: of social connection and you know, like that, like we 317 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:11,840 Speaker 2: want to belong, right, we want to be part of 318 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:15,840 Speaker 2: something that's not just us, something bigger than us, where 319 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:16,560 Speaker 2: we feel. 320 00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:18,720 Speaker 1: Valued and needed and seen and validated. 321 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:25,439 Speaker 2: And it's funny because I think I think, I don't know, 322 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:27,320 Speaker 2: I was going to say for you, and I definitely 323 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:29,240 Speaker 2: for me. I think maybe for you, But I think 324 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:32,840 Speaker 2: part of that is my work where even now where 325 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:36,560 Speaker 2: although not in real time or in real time, we're connecting, 326 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,760 Speaker 2: but you and I are connecting with thousands of people 327 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,480 Speaker 2: who are going to listen to this. And for me, 328 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:47,399 Speaker 2: apart from the responsibility of hopefully sharing some information and 329 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,840 Speaker 2: ideas that might be of value to people and potentially 330 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:56,679 Speaker 2: create some kind of positive outcome for them, just the 331 00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:02,000 Speaker 2: idea of being in the middle a big conversation. You know, 332 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:03,679 Speaker 2: I enjoy that. 333 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,160 Speaker 1: I enjoy. 334 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,680 Speaker 2: Like I sat down with a guy this morning, called 335 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,680 Speaker 2: Scotty Douglas, who's a paramedic who's been on the show recently, 336 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,760 Speaker 2: who's just right now one of my favorite people. Is 337 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:19,119 Speaker 2: just a beautiful human being. And he's like he said, 338 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:21,359 Speaker 2: he said to me, I really want to thank you for, 339 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:23,639 Speaker 2: you know, letting me spend time with you. 340 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,120 Speaker 1: And I'm like, shut the fuck up. 341 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:30,480 Speaker 2: It's like, I'm not letting you spend time like we're 342 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,159 Speaker 2: hanging out. I like you, I said, I'm I'm not 343 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,080 Speaker 2: sitting with you to do you a favor. I like you. 344 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,159 Speaker 1: I want to spend time with you. I get I 345 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,560 Speaker 1: don't know what you get, but I get plenty, you know. 346 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:45,720 Speaker 1: And it's just being with people where there. 347 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:50,480 Speaker 2: Is that that love and that connection and that lack 348 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:54,040 Speaker 2: of agenda or strategy, like we're not here for a 349 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:58,240 Speaker 2: strategic reason, you know, we're just connected. 350 00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:01,880 Speaker 1: And I think that's you know, I think no matter. 351 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,520 Speaker 2: What you do or what you grow, or what you 352 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:07,760 Speaker 2: what you earn or own or have like an existence 353 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:11,720 Speaker 2: without that deep connection with other humans. 354 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,080 Speaker 1: Life's tough. Life's tough. 355 00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:17,239 Speaker 2: And I mean, you know, we've spoken, You and I 356 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:24,160 Speaker 2: have spoken about the impact of socialization or lack thereof, 357 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:28,679 Speaker 2: on physical health, longevity, health span. You know, it's like 358 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:33,520 Speaker 2: humans actually to be healthy, and not just emotionally and 359 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:38,440 Speaker 2: mentally healthy, but physically healthy, we need we need love, 360 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:42,120 Speaker 2: we need connection, we need belonging. You know, it's it's 361 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,840 Speaker 2: such a huge component of who we're meant to be. 362 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,320 Speaker 3: It's one of the things that concerns me where disagreement 363 00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:54,560 Speaker 3: turns into disdain. And I mean you could you could 364 00:21:54,720 --> 00:22:01,359 Speaker 3: maybe say that tribalism, people feel disconnected, feel marginalized, and 365 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:05,919 Speaker 3: then they find consensus within a group that adds to 366 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:09,120 Speaker 3: a sense of belonging. Maybe not in a constructive way, 367 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:13,159 Speaker 3: but as a society, I feel like we're getting a 368 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 3: bit too fragmented in quite scary ways. Because you're right, 369 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,439 Speaker 3: I couldn't agree with you more of this, and there's 370 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,800 Speaker 3: not a lack of research to show it's not just 371 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:28,119 Speaker 3: our mental health, it's it's our sense of physical well 372 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:33,280 Speaker 3: being that's at stake when we live in in in 373 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:36,600 Speaker 3: fragmented relationships. I mean, if you do a root cause 374 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,560 Speaker 3: analysis of anything anybody wants, well, you know I want 375 00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:42,760 Speaker 3: to really start a business. Well why is that important 376 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,159 Speaker 3: to you? Oh? So you know one day, you know, 377 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:49,000 Speaker 3: when I operationalize it you know, and scalable, I can 378 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,359 Speaker 3: have freedom. Okay, well why is that important to you? 379 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:55,040 Speaker 3: Al go different places? But why why? Why why? When 380 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:58,560 Speaker 3: you get to the end of that, again, not for everybody, 381 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:04,800 Speaker 3: but for the vast majority of us, it's relationships. It's 382 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:09,240 Speaker 3: so there's an intersection between you and me, and I 383 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:14,919 Speaker 3: love that relational convergence point where means in the ends 384 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:20,399 Speaker 3: meet and they're inseparable and indiscernible from one another, because 385 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:25,159 Speaker 3: that's where I believe happiness lies. And longest running A 386 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:28,199 Speaker 3: longitudinal study in history out of Harvard started in nineteen 387 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:33,360 Speaker 3: thirty eight, shows that as well, regardless of the socioeconomic background. 388 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:37,440 Speaker 3: Now again these were like white men. It was nineteen 389 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:41,600 Speaker 3: thirty eight, so this study does have its flaws, but 390 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:45,119 Speaker 3: across the board, it was not even the number, but 391 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:49,879 Speaker 3: the quality of relationships that contributed most to happiness, and 392 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:53,680 Speaker 3: happiness is a major contributor to well being. I mean, 393 00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:55,560 Speaker 3: can you say you're living in a state of well 394 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:57,880 Speaker 3: being and being miserable? Probably not. 395 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:00,360 Speaker 1: So. 396 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:04,920 Speaker 2: I think about the most memorable and meaningful things that 397 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:09,359 Speaker 2: I've done in my life was always with other people. 398 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:15,760 Speaker 2: Like I've individually achieved some good things, but I look 399 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,840 Speaker 2: back at like, right, you've written books. 400 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:18,600 Speaker 1: I've written books. 401 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:20,959 Speaker 2: I go, yeah, that's not even in the top fifty. 402 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,240 Speaker 2: It's like good or this podcast. I love the fact 403 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,720 Speaker 2: that we've got this, But it's not so much just 404 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,639 Speaker 2: having the podcast. 405 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:32,520 Speaker 1: For me, which is good, but it's more about that. 406 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,120 Speaker 2: The podcast is a conduit to what we're doing now, 407 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:39,359 Speaker 2: which is connecting and understanding and loving and serving and 408 00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:41,199 Speaker 2: like the. 409 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:45,400 Speaker 1: Or when I like, the most meaningful moment. 410 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:49,680 Speaker 2: In my life in the last year, and the last 411 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:53,280 Speaker 2: year's been, there's been some nice milestones and boxes ticked 412 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,399 Speaker 2: and some things that you could go, wow, that was 413 00:24:56,160 --> 00:25:03,280 Speaker 2: the most meaningful, memorable, powerful and simultaneously painful and beautiful 414 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:07,040 Speaker 2: was me sitting with a lady that I call my 415 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:10,960 Speaker 2: second mum when she was in her last hours of life, 416 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:15,119 Speaker 2: you know, and being with her for just her and 417 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:18,560 Speaker 2: eye in a room for an hour. And I would 418 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:22,240 Speaker 2: not swap that time or that memory or that moment 419 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:23,280 Speaker 2: or that connection. 420 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:25,760 Speaker 1: Like it's. 421 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:32,280 Speaker 2: It's like, I'm the bloody wordsmith. I can't adequately describe 422 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:40,679 Speaker 2: what happened. I can't adequately describe what it means to 423 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:44,240 Speaker 2: me right, and I'm being clumsy right now, But it's like, 424 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,919 Speaker 2: oh yeah, and I couldn't. I still can't really explain it. 425 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:51,480 Speaker 2: But I'm like in that moment, I was I was 426 00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:52,919 Speaker 2: sitting there thinking. 427 00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:58,200 Speaker 1: This is it? Like this is for me what it's about? 428 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:00,760 Speaker 3: So sorry about that. 429 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,760 Speaker 1: That's all right. We had a little moment there everyone. 430 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:07,119 Speaker 2: Bobby had a cat astrophe that he needed to attend to. 431 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,760 Speaker 3: Make. Cat's highest priority is people as well, and he 432 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:13,480 Speaker 3: was cut off from the rest of the people in 433 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:13,840 Speaker 3: the house. 434 00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:18,280 Speaker 2: So anyway, anyway, that was that moment in time. But 435 00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:20,720 Speaker 2: it's like, yeah, it's like you look back at what 436 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:25,359 Speaker 2: is significant, and you and I both had some good 437 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:29,480 Speaker 2: I would say achievements, but none of that really when 438 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,520 Speaker 2: I when I lie in bed and I think about 439 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:35,800 Speaker 2: what matters and what's meaningful, you know, it's it ain't that. 440 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,080 Speaker 2: It ain't you know, doing a gig talking of four 441 00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 2: thousand people at an event, which was very cool, but 442 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:46,320 Speaker 2: it's not It's nothing compared to like I would I 443 00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,000 Speaker 2: wouldn't trade that hour. 444 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:54,560 Speaker 1: With my second mum for anything, you know, and. 445 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:59,280 Speaker 3: A thing for most of us, that story is in 446 00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:02,520 Speaker 3: one way share perform the same Like imagine yourself sitting 447 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:05,160 Speaker 3: in a rocket chair looking at the window. You're well 448 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,320 Speaker 3: into your eighties, you're reflecting on your life. What's been 449 00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:12,159 Speaker 3: most precious to you, what do you value most like, 450 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:16,520 Speaker 3: what is really present as you're in the final stages 451 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:19,199 Speaker 3: of your life and you're reflecting on what did this 452 00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:22,439 Speaker 3: all mean to me? It's going to involve other people. 453 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:28,160 Speaker 3: I think it's going to be just the simple pleasures 454 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,640 Speaker 3: and it's going to be that connection, those relationships, things 455 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:36,679 Speaker 3: that you shared with others, and I think you know 456 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,320 Speaker 3: that takes things that we struggle with. I don't want 457 00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:41,720 Speaker 3: to minimize it because, like we said in the last episode, 458 00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:46,520 Speaker 3: there are so many variables that go into things like burnout. 459 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:51,800 Speaker 3: But when all things being absolutely equal, when it comes 460 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:54,720 Speaker 3: to resilience, when it comes to stress management, when it 461 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:58,440 Speaker 3: comes to joy, when it comes to the frustration of 462 00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,280 Speaker 3: the fact that there are so many variables that impact 463 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,719 Speaker 3: outcomes and you could do all the work and do 464 00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:08,320 Speaker 3: everything right, and you know this, and you know, maybe 465 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,040 Speaker 3: many of our listeners know this. When you have your 466 00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:13,800 Speaker 3: own business, it's like there are things that you can't 467 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:17,320 Speaker 3: even predict, and yeah, it's it's all going to go 468 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:21,600 Speaker 3: wrong at the worst possible time. Murphy's well, Murphy is 469 00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:24,679 Speaker 3: an asshole, by the way, But moving on to Murphy, 470 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:30,000 Speaker 3: when it's becomes about people, there's a lot of pleasure 471 00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,720 Speaker 3: in what am I contributing, what's the effort I'm putting in. 472 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:35,800 Speaker 3: How does that connect me to others? How do I 473 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,360 Speaker 3: share things with others? And I think that kind of 474 00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:42,440 Speaker 3: inoculates you, because it's worth doing for its own sake, 475 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:46,200 Speaker 3: independent of the outcome. 476 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,160 Speaker 2: Like I think, you know, like I've always been like 477 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,560 Speaker 2: a car dude and a motorbike dude, and not in 478 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,160 Speaker 2: a way where I want to show off force. I 479 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:58,800 Speaker 2: don't care if people know what I have or don't have, 480 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,600 Speaker 2: and I don't have a fence you can these days 481 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,480 Speaker 2: at all. But but I you know, from when I 482 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:08,920 Speaker 2: was eighteen to when I was I don't know, fifty, 483 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,959 Speaker 2: I had so many cars, so many bikes, and I 484 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,840 Speaker 2: loved all of that. And they were all fancy or 485 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,080 Speaker 2: expensive by any means. But I was always turning over 486 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,200 Speaker 2: cars and I got a lot of you know. 487 00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:23,280 Speaker 1: Temporary joy and dada. Anyway, when I was I don't know. 488 00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:27,960 Speaker 2: Probably fifteen years ago now, I bought my mama car 489 00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:33,040 Speaker 2: and oh my god, I'm like, oh, this is this 490 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:36,080 Speaker 2: is where actual joy lives and she had no idea 491 00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,920 Speaker 2: she was getting a new car. And I drove it 492 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:40,120 Speaker 2: up to her place. 493 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:41,240 Speaker 1: So it had like. 494 00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:43,600 Speaker 2: Two hundred kilomb or one hundred and fifty kilometers on it, 495 00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,240 Speaker 2: and that's only because I had to drive it up 496 00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:50,080 Speaker 2: to the country and I had this I stopped three 497 00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 2: hundred meters from her house and cleaned it like it 498 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:56,000 Speaker 2: was already, you know, but just so it was perfect. 499 00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:59,000 Speaker 2: And I had this big sticky bow which was the 500 00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:02,960 Speaker 2: size of you know, your upper body, like this great 501 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:03,920 Speaker 2: big bow which. 502 00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:05,440 Speaker 1: I put on the bonnet or the hood of. 503 00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:10,600 Speaker 2: The car, and I you know, and just seeing like 504 00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:13,520 Speaker 2: the impact that that had on my mum, the joy 505 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:17,680 Speaker 2: and the happiness and my dad, and I'm like, oh, 506 00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:21,640 Speaker 2: who knew like all this other stuff where there's a 507 00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:25,360 Speaker 2: little bit of temporary me joy, but actually getting a 508 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,320 Speaker 2: car for someone else, and it was a cheap, little 509 00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:28,640 Speaker 2: it was a new car, but it was like a 510 00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:30,800 Speaker 2: little Suzuki Swift. 511 00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:32,120 Speaker 1: It wasn't a Lamborghini. 512 00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:36,000 Speaker 2: But just I'm like, oh, this is buying stuff for 513 00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:38,320 Speaker 2: me actually doesn't do it. It does it for like 514 00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:41,280 Speaker 2: a day and a half, but buying stuff for someone 515 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:47,640 Speaker 2: else giving having that foot, Yeah, like I went, I 516 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:51,000 Speaker 2: learned a little. I think, you know, you theoretically know things, 517 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,680 Speaker 2: but then you experientially are in the middle of it 518 00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:56,160 Speaker 2: and you're like, oh, yeah, that's right, that's right. 519 00:30:56,240 --> 00:31:03,480 Speaker 3: This is it. It's interesting because so much of our philosophy 520 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:06,000 Speaker 3: and society is and you know, there's there's a lot 521 00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:09,120 Speaker 3: of necessity around this is to build. You focus on, 522 00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:13,600 Speaker 3: you focus inward. But then when you take points like 523 00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:17,400 Speaker 3: this like reflection, yeah, no, it's it's been when it's 524 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:20,800 Speaker 3: when I've done the opposite. It's why I focused on 525 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:24,200 Speaker 3: things that I valued, in people that I valued, and 526 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 3: everything outside of me. That one made me really happy. 527 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,160 Speaker 3: And I don't know if people listening to this can relate, 528 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:36,040 Speaker 3: but the irony is is when I focused on everything 529 00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:39,200 Speaker 3: outside of me, I learned the most about who I 530 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:42,520 Speaker 3: am and what's really important to me. It's almost like 531 00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:47,840 Speaker 3: I was created in that interaction with other people. 532 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:52,080 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, And it's like when you focus on giving, 533 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:56,959 Speaker 2: not getting, so you you it's in the giving that 534 00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,480 Speaker 2: you get anyway, like you don't even need to think 535 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:04,400 Speaker 2: about the because the getting comes through the giving and serving. 536 00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:08,400 Speaker 2: It's like, oh, even when and not that you know, 537 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:12,560 Speaker 2: I'm not suggesting you do that strategically, but I know 538 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:17,479 Speaker 2: that me trying to make or me potentially making someone 539 00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:20,440 Speaker 2: happy or feel good or giving them a moment of 540 00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:25,360 Speaker 2: joy or whatever gives them both pleasure and me a 541 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:30,280 Speaker 2: level of pleasure that I couldn't achieve on my own anyway, 542 00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,880 Speaker 2: because whatever I do, you know, whatever I get or 543 00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:37,040 Speaker 2: you know, it's like, you know, even if I look 544 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:41,920 Speaker 2: at something completely fucking superficial, like my Instagram numbers, and 545 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:45,440 Speaker 2: I go oh, oh oh, and then for about seven minutes, 546 00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:49,200 Speaker 2: I feel good, and then I'm like, yeah, but I want. 547 00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:52,200 Speaker 1: More, you know what I mean. I want more people. 548 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,360 Speaker 1: I want higher numbers. I don't want X, I want 549 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:56,840 Speaker 1: three X. And I get three X. 550 00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,200 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, thank goodness, now I'm here, but five 551 00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:03,160 Speaker 2: X would be good. You know, it's like fairy flaws, 552 00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:04,479 Speaker 2: emotional fairy flaws. 553 00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:05,280 Speaker 1: It just melts. 554 00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:09,880 Speaker 3: Something happened to my wife and I the other day, 555 00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 3: and it's one of those things that it's seemingly inconsequential 556 00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:15,560 Speaker 3: where you might not even notice it, but for me, 557 00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:19,480 Speaker 3: it was a major deal. So it really Doctor Martin 558 00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:23,520 Speaker 3: Seligman's book Flourish, he talks about one of the simplest 559 00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:27,320 Speaker 3: things you can do to dramatically change your sense of 560 00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:30,520 Speaker 3: well being in a very short period of time is 561 00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:33,480 Speaker 3: random senseless acts of kindness. Is be kind to other 562 00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:37,400 Speaker 3: people because of the psychological and the biochemical impact it 563 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:41,080 Speaker 3: has on you. And it's just the effects of it, 564 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:44,320 Speaker 3: like you pointed out, are immediate. So we went to 565 00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:49,600 Speaker 3: this place, what's it called Brighton Beach right over here. 566 00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:53,360 Speaker 3: It's called like, I don't know, Joe's postal or anything. 567 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:58,120 Speaker 3: It's just a post place to ship packages. And there 568 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,640 Speaker 3: this guy who was working behind the counter, and it 569 00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:04,040 Speaker 3: was one of these things that I think they only 570 00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:08,040 Speaker 3: took cash for for some weird reason, if I'm remembering 571 00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:10,520 Speaker 3: this right. But that's not the point of this. So 572 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:14,000 Speaker 3: we didn't have any cash, and the guy looks a us. 573 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:16,319 Speaker 3: He's like, you know what, don't even worry about it now, 574 00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:19,880 Speaker 3: he's never seen us before. It's not like we're consistent customers. 575 00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:23,160 Speaker 3: First time we ever rocked up. He said, just I'm 576 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,879 Speaker 3: going to do this for you, and you know, if 577 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:27,919 Speaker 3: you ever get a chance to come back in here, 578 00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:33,160 Speaker 3: you'll pay me then, and thought, wow, that's unusually nice. 579 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:38,120 Speaker 3: So we went back today to make sure one we 580 00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:42,279 Speaker 3: use this person for packages now, like why wouldn't we? 581 00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,640 Speaker 3: And we paid him the money back. The guy strikes 582 00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:49,920 Speaker 3: up a conversation with us and he's just so lovely 583 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:53,480 Speaker 3: and he's sharing these experiences and we walked out of 584 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,200 Speaker 3: there and our day was better. And I was thinking 585 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,680 Speaker 3: and discussing this from my wife. A lot of times 586 00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:02,520 Speaker 3: you talk about kindness, and you talk about people who 587 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,360 Speaker 3: are living a purpose and making a difference in the world. 588 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:08,120 Speaker 3: You think about, Okay, you know, I've got a soup 589 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:10,359 Speaker 3: kitchen and I'm feeding the homeless and things like that 590 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:15,719 Speaker 3: are amazing or it's these big gestures, but you know what, 591 00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:19,719 Speaker 3: it's people like this within your community. Imagine you have 592 00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:25,399 Speaker 3: a community built with people who are kind, they're invested, 593 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:31,200 Speaker 3: and they act on that in very tangible ways. And 594 00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:34,400 Speaker 3: he created not only trust, not only a new customer, 595 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,399 Speaker 3: but we came back, we paid him the money, and 596 00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:41,759 Speaker 3: that started to create a relationship. If you're surrounded by 597 00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:45,000 Speaker 3: interactions like this, you would be healthier, you would be happier, 598 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,560 Speaker 3: and you yourself would probably be kinder. So the things 599 00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:50,759 Speaker 3: that make a really big difference in the world, I 600 00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:56,800 Speaker 3: think are these small acts that are reciprocated and compounded 601 00:35:56,880 --> 00:36:01,879 Speaker 3: over time, that could shave people's reality profoundly beautiful ways. 602 00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,800 Speaker 3: Because I think that's why a lot of people don't 603 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:09,000 Speaker 3: step out and and do more, because they think that's 604 00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,520 Speaker 3: what's required of them is so big they don't know 605 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:18,080 Speaker 3: where to start. It's just those little opportunities to be human. 606 00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:21,239 Speaker 2: I love that story, dude. I love that, and I 607 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,600 Speaker 2: love the fact that he did that for you, so 608 00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:28,880 Speaker 2: that literally would have cost him financially. There was no 609 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:30,960 Speaker 2: way of knowing that he'd ever. 610 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:31,680 Speaker 1: See you again. 611 00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:38,640 Speaker 2: And you know that's real, Like, that's not a marketing strategy. 612 00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:42,319 Speaker 2: You know that's not because you know a lot of 613 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:45,200 Speaker 2: people would never show up again and go, Wow, how 614 00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:46,200 Speaker 2: dumb is that guy? 615 00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:51,480 Speaker 1: Fantastic? You know, hopefully not most of our listeners, hopefully 616 00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:53,560 Speaker 1: not me. I'm pretty sure i'd go back as well. 617 00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:55,880 Speaker 3: But I hope his boss is not listening to this 618 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:57,320 Speaker 3: and it isn't getting any trouble. 619 00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,399 Speaker 2: I think he must would know him right, And I think, 620 00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:07,279 Speaker 2: like you, that is that is it is. So I's 621 00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:11,440 Speaker 2: going to say it's difficult the right word, but it 622 00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:15,399 Speaker 2: feels like I could be wrong. Uncommon that people do 623 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:19,879 Speaker 2: stuff for people truly with no agenda and no expectation 624 00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:24,480 Speaker 2: at all of anything back. It's like, I am just 625 00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:28,319 Speaker 2: doing this to make your day better or make you better, 626 00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:30,680 Speaker 2: or to help you see you later. 627 00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:35,120 Speaker 3: And you will get cheated. But I think I think 628 00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:38,840 Speaker 3: the positive outcome of that, even if it's not your intention, 629 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:41,960 Speaker 3: is going to be far greater. One more story from 630 00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:46,360 Speaker 3: like decades ago, because I think it's we hear stories 631 00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,520 Speaker 3: like this and it's beautiful. So I use one of 632 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:52,960 Speaker 3: the gyms that I used to manage the fitness department 633 00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:56,840 Speaker 3: in was out in Jersey, North Jersey, and when I 634 00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,359 Speaker 3: was going back home to New York a couple of 635 00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:01,160 Speaker 3: times a week, when I would pop out to that 636 00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:06,080 Speaker 3: particular location, we had if as you're getting on the motorway, 637 00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:10,160 Speaker 3: there's a petrol station just there. Couldn't be more convenient. 638 00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:14,120 Speaker 3: You just pop off and you hop back on and back. 639 00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:16,319 Speaker 3: In Jersey, you know, I think they still do this. 640 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:18,920 Speaker 3: It's the lorrd. You can't get out and pump your 641 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:21,560 Speaker 3: own petrol, so somebody has to do it for you, 642 00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:23,759 Speaker 3: so you didn't even get out of a car and 643 00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:27,279 Speaker 3: you're just in and out. I would sacrifice all of 644 00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:29,520 Speaker 3: that convenience and I would go to a petrol station 645 00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:31,880 Speaker 3: that was miles away. And here's the reason why I 646 00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:34,840 Speaker 3: would do that. Because I was passing through the neighborhood 647 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,080 Speaker 3: and I had to stop off there one day, and 648 00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:41,840 Speaker 3: there was this guy, Michael, and McHale would as you're 649 00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:46,160 Speaker 3: sitting there in the car and you're filling up, he 650 00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:48,799 Speaker 3: would clean your windows, he would strike up a conversation 651 00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:52,000 Speaker 3: with you. He would just I mean, he would check 652 00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,680 Speaker 3: your fluids in the car. Now, none of that was 653 00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:57,120 Speaker 3: part of his job, by the way, nobody was required 654 00:38:57,160 --> 00:38:59,320 Speaker 3: to do that, but he would take it upon himself 655 00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:04,399 Speaker 3: that whole thing. So I would sacrifice all that time 656 00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:09,640 Speaker 3: inconvenience just to be able to visit that petrol station 657 00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:12,560 Speaker 3: and be able to give a tip to Michael. So 658 00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:15,400 Speaker 3: one day like I can't, I can't take this anymore. 659 00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:17,560 Speaker 3: Like I'm coming in. I know this guy. You know 660 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:21,320 Speaker 3: I've been here like over half a dozen times at least. 661 00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:24,880 Speaker 3: I was like, Michael, I can I have a business card? 662 00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:27,759 Speaker 3: Like I asked him, I said, you know, are you? 663 00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:29,520 Speaker 3: Are you the owner? That was the first thing I 664 00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:31,200 Speaker 3: popped into my head. I said, no, no, I'm not. 665 00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,359 Speaker 3: You know, I work here. My boss is not here. 666 00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:35,440 Speaker 3: I said, can I can I get his phone number 667 00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:37,279 Speaker 3: because I really want to talk to him. He's like, oh, 668 00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:40,040 Speaker 3: this is everything, Okay, everything's great. I just really need 669 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,359 Speaker 3: to talk to this guy. So I went home and 670 00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:45,200 Speaker 3: I called like twice. Second time I got him on 671 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:47,399 Speaker 3: the phone, I said, you know, I need to talk 672 00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:50,359 Speaker 3: to you, like you've got this guy McHale there. He's like, 673 00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:53,719 Speaker 3: stop stop right there, stop right there. I know what 674 00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:57,200 Speaker 3: you're gonna say. I hear it nearly every day. He 675 00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,600 Speaker 3: knew that that was not a complaint. He was like, 676 00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:03,440 Speaker 3: guy is amazing. I was like, where did you find him? 677 00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,480 Speaker 3: I was like, if I was hiring for any position, 678 00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:08,960 Speaker 3: I don't care what his skill sets are, I'd hire him. 679 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:12,719 Speaker 3: We'll figure that shit out later. And he's like he's 680 00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:16,439 Speaker 3: like yeah, he's like I pay that guy like three 681 00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:17,959 Speaker 3: times more than anybody else. 682 00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:19,000 Speaker 1: Wow. 683 00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:22,560 Speaker 3: And some people might be cynical around stories like this. 684 00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:25,960 Speaker 3: I love them. And he's like he makes a pretty 685 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:28,640 Speaker 3: decent amount of money and tips. So next time I 686 00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:31,440 Speaker 3: passed by and I asked Michael, like, you know, like 687 00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:36,000 Speaker 3: what are your plans? Like where do you see yourself? 688 00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:37,920 Speaker 3: And he's like, well, when I first came here, I 689 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:40,360 Speaker 3: just wanted to do the best job I could, you know, 690 00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,600 Speaker 3: I wanted to give people the best experience. He's like, 691 00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:46,000 Speaker 3: but now I'm saving some money. I'd like to own 692 00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:49,919 Speaker 3: my own place one day. So that act of kindness 693 00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:53,560 Speaker 3: led his boss to notice him and other people, and 694 00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,560 Speaker 3: somebody probably said something to him and sparked an idea 695 00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:01,680 Speaker 3: where a dream emerged that probably into been cultivated otherwise. 696 00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:05,480 Speaker 3: It's like, and I understand this, it's very easy to 697 00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:09,239 Speaker 3: default to, well, they don't pay me enough to you know, 698 00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:12,480 Speaker 3: fill in the blanks there. But how much easier was 699 00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:16,719 Speaker 3: Mikhail's job than anybody else that worked in that petrol station? Much? 700 00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:20,839 Speaker 2: And imagine and imagine how many great interactions he had 701 00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:24,719 Speaker 2: per day, And imagine how many people loved him and 702 00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,680 Speaker 2: did a version of what you did just to you know, 703 00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:30,640 Speaker 2: driving past three other gas stations just to get to 704 00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:33,239 Speaker 2: him and going out of there. 705 00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:35,239 Speaker 1: Yeah, like it. 706 00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:38,280 Speaker 2: It makes sense on so many levels. 707 00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:41,120 Speaker 3: I love that hot job standing out there. You know, 708 00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:45,600 Speaker 3: like with him, he probably went home energized, tired, but energized, 709 00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:49,760 Speaker 3: rather than going home tired and emotionally defeated, because man, 710 00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:50,920 Speaker 3: this job is brutal. 711 00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:54,280 Speaker 1: It's all about perspective. And context. 712 00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:54,720 Speaker 3: Dude. 713 00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:58,560 Speaker 2: Hey, always loved talking to you, mate. You and I 714 00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,920 Speaker 2: have got stuff on, so we've we've got a jam. 715 00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:05,400 Speaker 2: Tell my listeners where to connect with you if you would. 716 00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:10,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, self Helpantido dot com, Robert Capuccio dot com, LinkedIn. 717 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:13,319 Speaker 3: Just yeah, I'll see you there, all. 718 00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:15,120 Speaker 2: Right, buddy, You have a good night and enjoy New 719 00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:18,359 Speaker 2: York City. Trying to try not to let that cat 720 00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:21,200 Speaker 2: dominate your life. Say hello to the beautiful Amy, Give 721 00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:23,719 Speaker 2: your mama, Give your mama caddle from the Widow in 722 00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,960 Speaker 2: Melbourne and Melbourne and we'll talk next week. 723 00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:30,239 Speaker 3: Thanks Greg. Good eh,