WEBVTT - The Flick on the Ear we All Need | Mark LeBusque - 901 0:00:01.680 --> 0:00:07.480 She said, it's now never I got fighting in my blood. 0:00:09.039 --> 0:00:12.479 I'm tiff. This is role with the punches and we're 0:00:12.520 --> 0:00:17.119 turning life's hardest hits into wins. Nobody wants to go 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:20.599 to court, and don't. My friends at test Art Family 0:00:20.680 --> 0:00:25.160 Lawyers know that they offer all forms of alternative dispute resolution. 0:00:25.720 --> 0:00:29.240 Their team of Melbourne family lawyers have extensive experience in 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:32.960 all areas of family law to facto and same sex couples, 0:00:33.159 --> 0:00:37.280 custody and children, family violence and intervention orders, property settlements 0:00:37.360 --> 0:00:41.720 and financial agreements. Test Art is in your corner, so 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:45.440 reach out to Mark and the team at www dot 0:00:45.800 --> 0:00:53.600 test Artfamilylawyers dot com dot au. Mark Lebaska, I thought 0:00:53.680 --> 0:00:57.280 you were never coming back to the show where you've been, bro, 0:00:59.160 --> 0:00:59.840 I feel. 0:00:59.640 --> 0:01:02.880 Very new us today. This is like starting all over again, 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:06.920 so we might need to see if find some things 0:01:06.920 --> 0:01:09.240 in common and just connect a bit before we start 0:01:09.280 --> 0:01:14.440 to talk to each other years ago. Yeah, well, how 0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:16.840 have I been? I like not to use the word good, 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:24.759 how have I been? I've been? Jeez, what's the word? 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:27.280 Running around? A bit like a blue ass fly, but 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:32.440 with good things going on? Good? 0:01:32.920 --> 0:01:36.480 Yeah, I feel like it's interesting that our very last 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:41.240 podcast would flipped the flipped roles and i'd you know, 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:44.160 put you, put you in the hot seat, and then 0:01:44.200 --> 0:01:46.600 you fucking disappeared off the show for a few years. 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:51.040 The ship out of me, mate, and a shout out 0:01:51.080 --> 0:01:55.000 to my brother in law's partner Jane, who sent me 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:57.160 a lovely notes and listening to that podcast you did 0:01:57.200 --> 0:02:00.600 with Tiffany and it was bloody, full on and good 0:02:00.640 --> 0:02:02.639 on you for saying what you did. And I'm thinking, 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:06.040 oh wow, but I listened to that. I actually listened 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:09.960 to it when I was on the on the bus 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:12.480 traveling around Sri Lanka because I'd gone off to Shreelank. 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:14.400 I listened to the whole thing and it was like, wow, 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:18.320 we no wonder you're on holidays mate. I reckon, and 0:02:18.360 --> 0:02:21.720 I reckon it took me. It was about thirteen day holiday. 0:02:21.760 --> 0:02:26.919 I reckon it took me because I'd finished in towns 0:02:26.960 --> 0:02:29.800 Well on the twenties. On the twenty first. In November 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:32.480 twenty second, I was catching a flight back to Melbourne. 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:36.000 Twenty third, we were flying to Sri Lanka. I don't 0:02:36.040 --> 0:02:43.000 reckon till about the twenty well. I actually yeah, later 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:45.680 that month, i'd actually felt like I was on holidays. 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:49.280 I think it was decompressing still, so I was running. 0:02:49.480 --> 0:02:51.720 I was running around like a blue ass flight that stage, 0:02:51.760 --> 0:02:54.120 but disappearing at my own ass at the same time. 0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:57.400 So things feel a bit better. Then we've had a 0:02:57.400 --> 0:03:01.160 bit go on. We've had a I end up taking 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:02.919 two months off, by the way, so I didn't go 0:03:03.040 --> 0:03:04.920 back to work till February. 0:03:04.440 --> 0:03:06.200 And well done. 0:03:06.360 --> 0:03:10.160 And then our youngest got married in March. We we 0:03:10.160 --> 0:03:11.400 can have a bit of a chat about that if 0:03:11.440 --> 0:03:14.239 you like. That was quite interesting, and then we sort 0:03:14.240 --> 0:03:15.840 of back into it again. And now I've got a 0:03:15.840 --> 0:03:19.240 bit of time at home and it's interesting because we've 0:03:19.280 --> 0:03:22.440 still got a good bit of work on, but it's 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:24.760 not as hectic as it was last year. And then 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:27.040 your little voice goes will come on you should be 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:30.680 doing more, and I'm like, no, we're not. Really. Just 0:03:30.919 --> 0:03:33.239 enjoy the fact that you want more time in Melbourne 0:03:33.320 --> 0:03:37.400 and you're in Melbourne. So yeah, it's been been an 0:03:37.400 --> 0:03:41.960 interesting little ride and I have missed these and I'm 0:03:42.000 --> 0:03:42.720 looking forward to it. 0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:45.520 I want to know what was it like for you 0:03:46.200 --> 0:03:51.360 listening to that episode of yourself, Like was it different 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:55.120 in any way? Like sometimes we're not because you often do. 0:03:55.680 --> 0:03:59.000 We often have those conversations, but quite often I'm in 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:03.760 the hot seat, and when I listen back, I enjoy 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:06.160 listening back because it's almost, well it's not almost. It's 0:04:06.160 --> 0:04:09.040 a bloody coaching session. Or sometimes you'll ask some pointy 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:12.600 questions or you'll probe a little bit, and I love it, 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:16.800 and I love re listening just because I sometimes I 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:20.479 perceive things differently around myself, or I come up with 0:04:20.520 --> 0:04:24.960 new questions to ask myself. What was your experience listening back? 0:04:26.000 --> 0:04:28.240 So, first of all, thank you, because it was a 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:34.640 in some respects of coaching session. I reckon for me, 0:04:36.240 --> 0:04:39.720 what didn't happen when I was listening to it. There 0:04:39.760 --> 0:04:43.599 wasn't any shame or fuck did I say that? Or 0:04:43.640 --> 0:04:45.440 should have I said that? It was like, no, this 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:50.040 was a point in time where I had some choices 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:55.039 to make. They were you cannot talk about it, and 0:04:55.080 --> 0:04:57.200 you can internalize it and we know what happens with 0:04:57.279 --> 0:05:01.039 that sort of stuff, or you can respect the help 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:03.480 that you're getting from someone else to create a supposed 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:05.559 to do that. So look, I was sort of sitting 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:13.040 there going, yeah, this is pretty cool. I'm really happy 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:17.480 that I'm saying these things. They may some people may think, oh, 0:05:17.600 --> 0:05:20.520 geez mate, you're supposed to be good at this stuff 0:05:20.520 --> 0:05:24.000 and you sound like you're fuck an unraveling yourself. Well, 0:05:24.000 --> 0:05:29.880 thank you. And then secondly, it's just a reinforcement, you know, 0:05:30.080 --> 0:05:32.320 when you're in when we're in these conversations, I think 0:05:32.320 --> 0:05:35.320 that I'm here and I'm present and all that, but 0:05:35.360 --> 0:05:38.159 there's nothing better than listening back to it. And I 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:41.520 think I've listened to it three or four times since then. 0:05:41.600 --> 0:05:46.640 It's not just like I better listen to it because 0:05:47.120 --> 0:05:49.160 you know, I want to check in on what I said, 0:05:49.279 --> 0:05:52.359 just in case I get any blowback from anywhere. It's like, no, no, no, 0:05:52.160 --> 0:05:54.000 I go back and listen to it again. In fact, 0:05:54.360 --> 0:05:57.240 i'm doing an immunity to change. Next week with someone's 0:05:57.279 --> 0:05:59.920 taking me through it, I'll have a listen to it 0:06:00.040 --> 0:06:04.680 again because I think for it's like a Seinfeld episode. 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:07.919 To me, I've watched Seinfeld episodes twenty times, but I 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:10.920 always picked something new up. So it was a great 0:06:10.960 --> 0:06:19.240 look for me. It was a cognitively releasing conversation, and 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:22.000 the more that I listened to it, the more that 0:06:22.080 --> 0:06:29.960 you feel that cognitive load reducing. But also you then 0:06:30.080 --> 0:06:34.640 look back and go, how was it helpful? Well, very much. 0:06:34.680 --> 0:06:36.720 At that time I made the decision. I was sitting 0:06:36.800 --> 0:06:40.080 on the bus to go, you're not going back to 0:06:40.160 --> 0:06:46.360 work till February, and I didn't. Don't you excellent? 0:06:46.960 --> 0:06:50.360 Good? I love that. I love it, and I reckon 0:06:51.760 --> 0:06:57.440 like coaching wouldn't exist as a thing if we didn't. All, 0:06:57.600 --> 0:07:05.280 including coaches, require a different perspective at times, and you can't. 0:07:05.920 --> 0:07:08.200 I mean, there's ways, there's different ways to get a 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:12.000 different perspective, and definitely going for me, that traveling experience 0:07:12.200 --> 0:07:15.200 was a huge shifting perspective. That's an immediate one. You 0:07:15.240 --> 0:07:18.520 get somewhere else and you're like, oh wow, I'm outside 0:07:18.560 --> 0:07:20.680 of the echo chamber of the world I lived in, 0:07:21.040 --> 0:07:25.240 and now I see and feel and understand everything very differently. 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:31.160 And I think even as coaches, we can know things, 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:35.800 but we're inside the things we know. And so that's 0:07:35.840 --> 0:07:39.000 and like I said, when I am in the conversations 0:07:39.040 --> 0:07:44.720 with you answering the questions, I have a different experience 0:07:44.800 --> 0:07:47.000 than when I and it could be the same day. 0:07:47.040 --> 0:07:48.640 I could listen to it the same day or the 0:07:48.680 --> 0:07:53.200 same week and hear it differently. As an observer of 0:07:53.240 --> 0:07:57.400 the conversation when I'm not in the moment. I went 0:07:57.520 --> 0:07:59.840 back not that long ago and listened to the very 0:08:00.040 --> 0:08:05.520 first episode with doctor Bill, who's now my therapist, and 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:09.800 when that would have been good two or three, a 0:08:09.840 --> 0:08:12.440 couple of years ago, I guess, or three years ago. 0:08:13.000 --> 0:08:15.880 And when I listened back now to some of the 0:08:15.920 --> 0:08:20.080 really pointy parts of that conversation where he was probing, 0:08:20.960 --> 0:08:25.520 I was listening and I was just cringing, going, ah, 0:08:25.760 --> 0:08:29.640 you didn't. I didn't feel at the time like I 0:08:29.720 --> 0:08:33.480 was deliberately dodging questions. But when I listen back now, 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:37.040 it almost makes me cringe how much it felt like 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:40.400 I could see myself square squirming where that wasn't the 0:08:40.480 --> 0:08:42.520 experience in the moment so interesting? 0:08:43.280 --> 0:08:49.120 Yep, yep. And it's a very different experience to I think. 0:08:49.120 --> 0:08:50.880 The first thing with all of this stuff that we do, 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:53.800 one of the hardest things early just to digress a little, 0:08:53.920 --> 0:08:57.719 was just to start to hear your own voice. I 0:08:58.120 --> 0:09:02.600 never listened to you, but that's a very surface level, 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:06.360 ego driven thing. You sound like a like Je's mate. 0:09:06.400 --> 0:09:09.120 You've got a bit of a lisp there, and you 0:09:09.160 --> 0:09:12.360 say you've got Bogan words but then it's like, oh, 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:15.520 let's really get past that and get to what's actually 0:09:15.559 --> 0:09:17.560 being said rather than the way that it's coming out. 0:09:17.640 --> 0:09:22.319 So there's always that look. For me, it was it's 0:09:22.320 --> 0:09:26.360 a big thanks because you chose I think we'd had 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:31.560 a conversation and you'd run me and you're like, you 0:09:31.600 --> 0:09:33.120 are right, and I went no, not really, and then 0:09:33.160 --> 0:09:36.720 you're right, right right, and then you went right, I'm 0:09:36.720 --> 0:09:40.240 going to do something about that. So there's a huge 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:42.559 thank you to you for that too, because one of 0:09:42.640 --> 0:09:46.160 the easy things for any of us to do when 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:48.640 we get some engrossed in our own shit is to 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:51.680 choose to look away when we notice something with someone 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:55.400 else that we have built a relationship with. So that 0:09:55.559 --> 0:09:57.480 was a really important time for me, and I think 0:09:57.480 --> 0:09:59.680 it's leading into this immunity to change. I'm going to 0:09:59.679 --> 0:10:01.839 do with that next week. Alex is based in Perth. 0:10:01.920 --> 0:10:03.720 I said, I just sent her a message and said, look, 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:06.920 I need to do it. I see at the moment 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:10.000 because I reckon, there's some shit going on that I 0:10:10.040 --> 0:10:11.679 need to dig a bit deeper into. And I think 0:10:11.679 --> 0:10:14.040 it started back in that conversation, which would have been 0:10:14.040 --> 0:10:15.000 October last year. 0:10:17.120 --> 0:10:20.679 Isn't it interesting how we shift and change and then 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:22.520 we have to we happen I have to do, then 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:26.400 we can revisit things. And so like a process like community, 0:10:26.480 --> 0:10:31.959 to change is in the ever evolving process like self 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:37.199 personal development, personal growth, healing, adapting, overcoming, whatever you want 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:40.480 to call it. It is an ever present, ongoing thing 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:46.040 that shifts and changes. And I don't know that fascinates me. 0:10:46.080 --> 0:10:46.559 I love it. 0:10:46.920 --> 0:10:50.640 Yeah, we look. That's the nature of this work is 0:10:50.720 --> 0:10:54.560 it's not linear, and it never ends, and you know 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:58.600 there'll be times. When I was talking at a conference 0:10:58.679 --> 0:11:01.840 up in cansa Cutle of Togo for the Australasian Marine 0:11:01.840 --> 0:11:05.040 Pilots Institute about life design and work life balance, and 0:11:07.840 --> 0:11:09.640 I do this activity where I get people to do 0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:13.880 this perspective line five most important things, five moderately important things, 0:11:13.920 --> 0:11:16.760 five least important things. And I actually shared my sheet 0:11:16.840 --> 0:11:21.000 up on the well, you know, most important, health, family connection, 0:11:21.120 --> 0:11:25.680 purposeful work, financial security, and there was something else in 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:30.080 there moderately important, travel and some other bits and pieces 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:38.080 least important. The toilet roll thing wasn't fucking don't just 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:40.160 leave the fucking cardboard there. You give that to your 0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:44.120 dashounds because they love that, you know, people who don't 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:47.360 wave to me and acknowledge me in this tiny, skinny 0:11:47.360 --> 0:11:49.800 streets of Brunswick. When I let them through, I bought 0:11:49.840 --> 0:11:51.360 these things up. You can see the people in the 0:11:51.440 --> 0:11:53.800 room just going straight away. Fuck. Those things get me 0:11:53.840 --> 0:11:57.080 all the time. And what I you said to them 0:11:57.080 --> 0:11:59.199 in the end is these are the things that punch 0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:02.880 you in the face and like and you know about 0:12:02.880 --> 0:12:06.760 that because you're a boxer. My mess to them was, 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:09.800 we tend to wait to get punched in the face 0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:12.240 or knocked out before we do something about that stuff. 0:12:12.240 --> 0:12:16.239 And if you don't have people around you who were 0:12:16.520 --> 0:12:18.360 I'm going to say prepared to give you. You know, my 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:20.360 parents used to just do a little flick on my 0:12:20.440 --> 0:12:23.320 ear every now and again. The fuck that hurt, but 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:25.960 it was done for a reason. You mightn't have liked 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:29.640 it at the time. But so thanks for flicking my ear, 0:12:29.640 --> 0:12:31.520 because I don't think you quite punched me in the face, 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:33.920 but you just wake me up. And that's got me 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:36.680 to where I am now about doing this thing next week. 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:39.920 We had our review with our business advisor this week 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:44.040 to myself, Allison mal and you know the other thing 0:12:44.040 --> 0:12:47.880 for me, we had a really really successful year last year. 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:50.360 If you want to look at success, you know, we 0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:52.920 talk about the material things. It was the biggest year ever, 0:12:53.040 --> 0:12:56.800 like by a long way. But I said, I can't 0:12:56.800 --> 0:13:01.720 do that again. But what I haven't been able to 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:05.920 do is say to Alison, what will be acceptable? Because 0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:08.800 I'm the financial faborite and if and a bit corporate 0:13:08.880 --> 0:13:11.560 in the brain still even after eleven years. So you go, well, 0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:15.200 if I don't do that number again ever failed. But 0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:19.080 when I look at where financial security sits in that 0:13:19.160 --> 0:13:23.880 top five, it's number five, and my health and my 0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:27.960 connection and my family is number one and two. And 0:13:28.040 --> 0:13:31.960 I think those things both suffered last year because number 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:34.440 five was really number one. 0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:43.960 Is it about the underlying stuff beneath, or the metaphorical 0:13:44.160 --> 0:13:49.600 stuff beneath the idea of financial success slash security? More 0:13:49.679 --> 0:13:54.160 so because we we all seem to be driven by 0:13:54.280 --> 0:13:58.200 it and to it, which drives us further away from 0:13:58.280 --> 0:14:01.600 the more important things, which is connection and community and people. 0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:05.679 Well, well, so here's the thing. I've just had some 0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:09.520 convoys recently with some clients about this. There's the tangible 0:14:09.640 --> 0:14:14.360 and the intangible. So the tangibility of that financial pieces, 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:16.720 I can see it on. I can see it in HubSpot, 0:14:16.760 --> 0:14:19.000 in our cram, I can see it in our and 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:21.840 our balance sheet, like it's there. It's like a KPI. 0:14:22.520 --> 0:14:26.400 Whereas you know, do we keep a KPU? Once a 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:29.800 month the whole family gets together, we pick a theme. 0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:32.040 I love this. Allison set this up. So it's us 0:14:32.080 --> 0:14:34.520 and the kids and their partners, eight of us well 0:14:34.560 --> 0:14:38.760 this Sundays. This month's theme is retro month for a meal. 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:41.720 So you've got to have you have starters, you have 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:44.240 the main and accompaniments, and then you have dessert. So 0:14:44.280 --> 0:14:47.960 this is called the retro one. So what we're doing 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:50.000 on some people might really relate to this, and others 0:14:50.080 --> 0:14:52.800 be like, what the hell are those? We're doing the 0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:55.520 main Allison and I and we're cooking what's called porcupine 0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:59.040 meat balls. And I can remember to if you wouldn't 0:14:59.440 --> 0:15:01.680 this year two but as a kid, if we didn't 0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:04.520 have them two nights a week, which is like a 0:15:04.520 --> 0:15:06.400 bit of mints right up into a ball with a 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:10.400 bit of rice in it and fucking tomato sauce. But 0:15:11.880 --> 0:15:14.160 my point is this, we don't keep a I don't 0:15:14.200 --> 0:15:16.760 keep a KPI. Shet on how often we get together 0:15:18.440 --> 0:15:22.400 the intangibilities of those things are more about how you 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:26.080 feel and not what you're measuring. And I think there's 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:29.600 a challenge that in that space for me, but for 0:15:29.640 --> 0:15:32.359 all of us to go. You know, if I can't 0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:34.600 if I can't measure it, I can't manage it. And 0:15:35.760 --> 0:15:38.960 I'm just trying to eat my own dog food here 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:41.480 at times and go. I talk to people a lot 0:15:41.520 --> 0:15:45.840 about the intangible stuff that then drives the tangible, and 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:49.160 I think I think the reason why that sits with me, 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:53.800 like you explained before, is it's easy to see. But 0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:57.120 with the intangible stuff, I think that build up over 0:15:57.160 --> 0:15:59.560 the year to get me into that November place of gone, 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:03.560 I'm disappearing at my own ass. I don't have a 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:08.240 KPI sheet that said, you know, I was getting a 0:16:08.240 --> 0:16:10.200 bit burnt out, or I was getting a bit stressed, 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:13.720 or you know. Ultimately the goal was to The goal 0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:15.920 wasn't the disappear of my own ass. It wasn't the KPI, 0:16:16.120 --> 0:16:18.200 but but it was a feeling of a time. So 0:16:18.720 --> 0:16:22.040 I think there's something in I think there's something in that, 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:23.920 But there was also the thing for me like this 0:16:24.000 --> 0:16:27.880 earlier this week, is just asking the question and asking 0:16:27.960 --> 0:16:32.000 for permission, and again as a financial frabic saying to Allison, well, 0:16:32.000 --> 0:16:35.960 what's the number? She goes, this is the number, and 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:39.080 then I look at it and like, how oh, I 0:16:39.080 --> 0:16:41.120 haven't I haven't not hit that number for about the 0:16:41.200 --> 0:16:44.760 last seven years. So what the fuck am I? What 0:16:44.840 --> 0:16:51.000 am I worried about? There? So it's it's an interesting 0:16:51.800 --> 0:16:53.600 it's a real conflict. And I think this will be 0:16:53.680 --> 0:16:55.360 part of what happens when I go through next week. 0:16:55.480 --> 0:16:59.560 Is this conflict about what am I trying to prove? 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:04.919 What any of us trying to prove? What's acceptable? And 0:17:04.960 --> 0:17:07.800 then what are the trade offs and what are you 0:17:07.880 --> 0:17:11.400 prepared to trade off? And I know we've talked about 0:17:11.440 --> 0:17:13.600 this before. It's not about what you want to do, 0:17:13.680 --> 0:17:15.240 it's about what you don't want to do. And I 0:17:15.520 --> 0:17:17.600 really clear I don't want to have another year like 0:17:17.640 --> 0:17:18.400 I had last year. 0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:19.800 Mm hmm. 0:17:22.160 --> 0:17:24.520 And we still did wonderful things, we had holidays and stuff, 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:29.159 but no, not doing it. 0:17:30.520 --> 0:17:32.960 I've been I just wrote down the work on my notebook. 0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:36.399 I just wrote down the words. That's interesting because I 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:39.840 was thinking, as you were talking of how much reflection 0:17:39.960 --> 0:17:42.040 I've been doing. I've made a lot of changes to 0:17:42.440 --> 0:17:47.960 this year, and I feel that that constant, like intrusive 0:17:48.119 --> 0:17:51.520 thought of oh you bet not you better? You should, 0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:53.600 you should say yes to more things, you should put 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:55.440 you should be a bit flexible there. It's like, no, 0:17:55.560 --> 0:17:58.520 you've you've you have this year having a day off 0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:02.439 here to do specific work, put your clients on specific days, 0:18:02.440 --> 0:18:05.879 and don't bend and twist every time someone needs a change, 0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:07.919 you bend over backwards to get up and make it 0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:11.840 in there. And you know, like always saying yes to things. 0:18:12.440 --> 0:18:15.919 But I've not, so I've been noticing and observing a 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:21.560 lot more without changing or actioning things. And from a 0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:24.920 I guess, oh, that's interesting standpoint, when it's frustrating. It's 0:18:25.000 --> 0:18:30.840 like I'll see where I might have an emotional reaction 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:35.439 to something or a bit of conflicts come up for me, 0:18:35.560 --> 0:18:38.160 and I'm like, that's interesting, But also I'm in charge 0:18:38.160 --> 0:18:40.960 of that. I feel like that, why do I feel 0:18:40.960 --> 0:18:47.280 frustrated and angry by that? You know when really it 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:51.320 doesn't it doesn't need to matter, no, and we won't. 0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:53.159 Be how I'm with this And this isn't just in 0:18:53.200 --> 0:18:57.359 regards to your relationship with your clients, Like you picked 0:18:57.359 --> 0:19:02.480 a really good topic here, is how how much how 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:07.120 much we had driven to comply, conform, to fit into whatever. 0:19:07.280 --> 0:19:09.439 And one of the ways we do that is we 0:19:09.480 --> 0:19:13.680 say yes. Now, that's not just in work situations, that's 0:19:13.760 --> 0:19:17.600 in family situations. Certainly, I see it a lot when 0:19:17.600 --> 0:19:21.719 I talk to my clients, particularly those are in like 0:19:22.040 --> 0:19:26.000 volunteer community stuff like sporting clubs, and they're like, you know, 0:19:26.200 --> 0:19:28.240 all of a sudden, I'm the president of the netball 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:31.760 football club because I couldn't say. And then I'll be 0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:35.159 putting the canteen roster together, and then I'll be working 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:37.240 in the canteen and then I'm cooking the meals on 0:19:37.280 --> 0:19:40.040 a Thursday night. And if you sort of got above 0:19:40.080 --> 0:19:46.600 all of that stuff, the conflict between belonging but also 0:19:46.880 --> 0:19:50.080 getting some time to yourself and being able to say, hey, 0:19:51.359 --> 0:19:54.160 what can't I do? Because I've kept saying yes to things? 0:19:54.200 --> 0:19:56.800 And usually the things that you're not doing then are 0:19:56.880 --> 0:19:58.800 the thing that things that are in that first box, 0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:01.359 which is what's most important to you. Lost a bit 0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:04.080 of connection to myself, not not doing as much with 0:20:04.160 --> 0:20:06.560 the family, seem to come home a little bit jaded 0:20:06.600 --> 0:20:08.719 all the time, can get a bit short with the kids, 0:20:08.760 --> 0:20:11.280 whatever it might be I can kick the dog, kick 0:20:11.359 --> 0:20:15.040 the cat, whatever I do. And I think a lot 0:20:15.040 --> 0:20:19.919 of it stems from, you know, the need to be 0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:25.280 needed and to be wanted and to be accepted, to 0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:30.040 feel like I'm contributing to the fear of saying no, 0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:32.600 and what might happen to all of those things and everyone. 0:20:33.160 --> 0:20:37.800 I think everybody goes through that at some point in time. 0:20:40.640 --> 0:20:43.639 I just noticed something in the background. Is that is 0:20:43.680 --> 0:20:46.120 that new? That statue of the. 0:20:49.080 --> 0:20:52.880 You're so it's not it's not new, So like it's 0:20:53.000 --> 0:20:55.119 very quickly what you're talking about that people see this 0:20:55.160 --> 0:20:56.680 in video or do they just know you're. 0:20:56.560 --> 0:20:58.440 Going to have to describe it. I don't have to 0:20:58.520 --> 0:21:01.040 describe That little monster behind. 0:21:00.760 --> 0:21:05.040 Me is a Scott. This is actually an art. It's 0:21:05.080 --> 0:21:08.800 a piece of art. This is a sculptured metal robot 0:21:09.520 --> 0:21:11.680 which looks very much like the robot on the front 0:21:11.800 --> 0:21:13.080 cover of my first book. 0:21:13.320 --> 0:21:14.960 Well, yeah, is it? Is it the same one? 0:21:15.440 --> 0:21:18.440 I'm walking I'm walking through the streets of Fremantle one 0:21:18.480 --> 0:21:21.560 Saturday morning, after having spent a week there doing work. Jeez, 0:21:21.840 --> 0:21:26.960 before COVID and I walked past his art gallery and 0:21:27.000 --> 0:21:29.560 this thing's steering me in the face. From him. 0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:36.639 Shit, it looks exactly Mark's had this made. 0:21:36.920 --> 0:21:39.199 It wasn't open at the time, so I was going 0:21:39.240 --> 0:21:40.879 to open at ten o'clock or something, and I was 0:21:40.920 --> 0:21:42.840 walking around pretty early, so I went back and I 0:21:43.119 --> 0:21:45.240 like to the lady, I see that robot and this 0:21:45.280 --> 0:21:47.280 is before I had the robot tatoo on my arm, 0:21:47.359 --> 0:21:50.560 and I'm like, that really looks like the robot off 0:21:50.600 --> 0:21:53.280 the front of my book. And she was a bit like, yeah, whatever, dickhead. 0:21:53.960 --> 0:21:55.399 I said, Look, I'm just going to go and have 0:21:55.480 --> 0:21:58.119 a chat to the financial controller because I asked her 0:21:58.160 --> 0:22:02.200 what the price was and it wasn't cheap and made 0:22:02.200 --> 0:22:10.200 by a local perf sculptor, and sure enough I got 0:22:10.200 --> 0:22:13.640 the Okay. So old mate Frankie as we call him, 0:22:13.720 --> 0:22:17.280 just like the other frank He he sits in my 0:22:17.320 --> 0:22:19.400 office here. He has sat out in the lounge room 0:22:19.400 --> 0:22:21.680 for a while as a as a as a sort 0:22:21.680 --> 0:22:23.800 of a stand for pot plants. But I think he 0:22:23.920 --> 0:22:27.119 was I got the sense that he wasn't overly happy 0:22:27.160 --> 0:22:29.760 with that. So he's now in here with me. Yeah, 0:22:29.960 --> 0:22:34.040 it's it's just one of those things people. Jeez, that's 0:22:34.119 --> 0:22:36.760 just that's that's just sort of had that happen, but 0:22:36.800 --> 0:22:40.320 you go, well, I don't know. It happens for a reason. 0:22:40.359 --> 0:22:42.280 So he's I take him every now and again if 0:22:42.280 --> 0:22:44.359 you'll come into the room in the Melbourne programs he 0:22:44.440 --> 0:22:47.119 sits in the corner and people. So he's made out 0:22:47.160 --> 0:22:50.080 of meddle, really is he. He looks big, you know, 0:22:50.200 --> 0:22:50.640 he's big. 0:22:51.960 --> 0:22:53.800 Be up to your chest, wouldn't he. 0:22:53.800 --> 0:22:59.840 He's probably bigger than a little Alison that you referred 0:22:59.840 --> 0:23:02.040 to as one time you referred to. 0:23:03.640 --> 0:23:06.440 Projected it upon me, just. 0:23:06.400 --> 0:23:10.080 A bit over five foot tall. And look the interesting 0:23:10.080 --> 0:23:13.359 thing about him, he can be used and you wouldn't 0:23:13.400 --> 0:23:15.680 do it because he'd get flogged in the day. But 0:23:15.720 --> 0:23:17.240 the way he set up there is on the back 0:23:17.280 --> 0:23:18.879 of there's a key and you can open up behind 0:23:18.920 --> 0:23:21.040 his head and that that mouth there could be like 0:23:21.080 --> 0:23:28.240