1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:07,281 Speaker 1: Approche production. 2 00:00:16,481 --> 00:00:20,121 Speaker 2: All right, I'm going to go back to we've done 3 00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:25,121 Speaker 2: about your mother. But then when I read your book too, 4 00:00:25,801 --> 00:00:28,361 Speaker 2: most of the info I've got from that is then 5 00:00:28,561 --> 00:00:32,001 Speaker 2: you started to get abused by your first husband. 6 00:00:33,281 --> 00:00:34,361 Speaker 3: So how would that. 7 00:00:34,241 --> 00:00:38,361 Speaker 2: Go from getting abused from your own mother then meeting 8 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,881 Speaker 2: somebody and then it all starts again. 9 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:45,401 Speaker 4: So the way I explained it is when I grew 10 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:50,241 Speaker 4: up being abused by my mum and her partners, it 11 00:00:50,321 --> 00:00:53,001 Speaker 4: was kind of like, you feel like that's how life's. 12 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:53,200 Speaker 1: Meant to be. 13 00:00:53,441 --> 00:00:54,321 Speaker 5: That's all she knew. 14 00:00:55,241 --> 00:00:58,001 Speaker 4: She knew, so I knew that, so I felt that 15 00:00:58,121 --> 00:00:59,161 Speaker 4: was the way people. 16 00:00:59,041 --> 00:00:59,961 Speaker 1: Express their love. 17 00:01:00,681 --> 00:01:01,601 Speaker 5: It's all she knew. 18 00:01:02,361 --> 00:01:05,401 Speaker 1: I didn't know any different tell them. 19 00:01:05,401 --> 00:01:08,161 Speaker 3: When Carl came along and showed you differently. 20 00:01:07,881 --> 00:01:09,961 Speaker 1: He taught me that that wasn't the right way. 21 00:01:10,121 --> 00:01:11,001 Speaker 3: And how did that feel? 22 00:01:11,401 --> 00:01:15,121 Speaker 5: I bet you questioned it? What is he doing? What's 23 00:01:15,161 --> 00:01:15,641 Speaker 5: wrong with you? 24 00:01:15,881 --> 00:01:19,241 Speaker 4: And I got emotional because I didn't know how to 25 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,601 Speaker 4: be loved by someone. I didn't know what that was. 26 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:25,000 Speaker 4: Because when I had my children, it was like they 27 00:01:25,081 --> 00:01:27,681 Speaker 4: need me. I had to breastfeed them for a year, 28 00:01:28,241 --> 00:01:31,200 Speaker 4: I had to change the nappy, bathroom, feed them, put them. 29 00:01:31,081 --> 00:01:32,840 Speaker 1: To bed, so they needed me. 30 00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 4: I didn't know their love till they were like three 31 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,280 Speaker 4: and four years old, till they got to that stage 32 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:44,881 Speaker 4: where they actually really loved you and they really expressed 33 00:01:44,881 --> 00:01:47,800 Speaker 4: their love for you. They don't need you as such anymore, 34 00:01:48,601 --> 00:01:50,081 Speaker 4: and that's when Carl came along. 35 00:01:51,041 --> 00:01:53,201 Speaker 3: But did they witness Dean doing that? 36 00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:56,401 Speaker 4: My son did, yes, And I read it sad, but 37 00:01:57,201 --> 00:02:00,881 Speaker 4: it's itched in my mind. I read a psychologist report 38 00:02:00,961 --> 00:02:03,401 Speaker 4: from my son speaking to one once, and he said 39 00:02:04,161 --> 00:02:06,921 Speaker 4: he wakes up in every morning and he's scared he's 40 00:02:06,921 --> 00:02:09,401 Speaker 4: going to find his mummy dead on the floor somewhere. 41 00:02:10,081 --> 00:02:12,041 Speaker 1: And then I. 42 00:02:12,081 --> 00:02:14,800 Speaker 4: Thought, I've got to get out of this and I've 43 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,081 Speaker 4: got to get my children and go while I'm still alone. 44 00:02:17,121 --> 00:02:17,801 Speaker 5: Did he choke you? 45 00:02:18,641 --> 00:02:18,960 Speaker 1: Yes? 46 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,441 Speaker 5: Did you have two black eyes from being choked? 47 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:22,081 Speaker 1: Yeah? 48 00:02:22,121 --> 00:02:24,840 Speaker 5: I'm just watching it. You're against a wall and he's 49 00:02:24,921 --> 00:02:26,561 Speaker 5: choking you. You've got two black eyes. 50 00:02:26,601 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 6: And I can see someone, a little person sitting over 51 00:02:29,601 --> 00:02:32,841 Speaker 6: his watching it, watching it all, and I can see 52 00:02:32,881 --> 00:02:35,761 Speaker 6: that you're looking at him. Does that sit with you? 53 00:02:35,761 --> 00:02:38,120 Speaker 6: You're looking at him and he's got you, and you're 54 00:02:38,321 --> 00:02:42,520 Speaker 6: like almost blue, but your eyes are black under black. 55 00:02:42,441 --> 00:02:45,840 Speaker 4: That was the last straw for me, okay, And then 56 00:02:45,881 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 4: I left. And then I remember one night I was asleep. 57 00:02:49,441 --> 00:02:53,041 Speaker 4: I was so exhausted from staying awake, and I fell 58 00:02:53,041 --> 00:02:55,441 Speaker 4: asleep on the lund room floor and woke up to 59 00:02:55,520 --> 00:03:01,441 Speaker 4: him pistol whipping me, and he took me to a 60 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:04,081 Speaker 4: cliff and he said he was going to drive the 61 00:03:04,121 --> 00:03:07,601 Speaker 4: car over the cliff. And all I was picturing was 62 00:03:07,641 --> 00:03:10,520 Speaker 4: somebody's going to get in and hurt my children because 63 00:03:10,561 --> 00:03:11,680 Speaker 4: the door was left open. 64 00:03:12,081 --> 00:03:14,041 Speaker 5: So that's all you're worried about, not about you. 65 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,081 Speaker 4: All I was worried about was please God, just let 66 00:03:17,121 --> 00:03:20,361 Speaker 4: me get back to save my kids, because I have 67 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:24,161 Speaker 4: left them, not through any doing of my own, but 68 00:03:24,881 --> 00:03:28,721 Speaker 4: I've left my children asleep in their beds innocently, and 69 00:03:28,761 --> 00:03:31,121 Speaker 4: I've been dragged out and he hasn't even cared that 70 00:03:31,201 --> 00:03:33,841 Speaker 4: the front door was left open. Back then, we lived 71 00:03:33,841 --> 00:03:38,521 Speaker 4: in Westwoods Gray. It was one of the rougher suburbs. 72 00:03:38,761 --> 00:03:41,761 Speaker 4: Nice suburb, but one of the rougher suburbs. 73 00:03:42,481 --> 00:03:44,081 Speaker 1: And yeah, all. 74 00:03:44,081 --> 00:03:48,121 Speaker 4: I imagine was somebody getting my children while they're asleep. 75 00:03:49,081 --> 00:03:52,281 Speaker 4: And I don't know why, but for some reason, he 76 00:03:52,521 --> 00:03:57,041 Speaker 4: just turned the car on and took me back home, 77 00:03:58,001 --> 00:04:00,881 Speaker 4: and ironically, I don't know how I ended up with 78 00:04:00,921 --> 00:04:04,241 Speaker 4: my telephone in my hand, and my sister was. 79 00:04:04,201 --> 00:04:05,561 Speaker 1: Calling because she. 80 00:04:07,161 --> 00:04:11,961 Speaker 4: Knew he had been giving me grief, and I accidentally 81 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:14,720 Speaker 4: answered the phone and she ranked she heard me screaming, 82 00:04:15,001 --> 00:04:18,641 Speaker 4: so she rang the police. Was that, Sharon, Yeah, And 83 00:04:18,721 --> 00:04:22,841 Speaker 4: they came and he'd gone, of course, And I ended 84 00:04:22,921 --> 00:04:24,681 Speaker 4: up in hospital, I think for. 85 00:04:26,281 --> 00:04:29,721 Speaker 1: Six weeks or something. I had a broken jaw, broken nose. 86 00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:33,481 Speaker 4: Since I've had sixteen operations on my nose to fix 87 00:04:33,521 --> 00:04:37,400 Speaker 4: the internal damage that he did. And just recently, not 88 00:04:37,481 --> 00:04:41,561 Speaker 4: long ago, my son actually explained to my daughters and said, 89 00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:45,881 Speaker 4: I don't know why you think dad's so amazing when 90 00:04:46,521 --> 00:04:48,801 Speaker 4: he did all this stuff to mum that you wouldn't 91 00:04:48,801 --> 00:04:49,521 Speaker 4: even know about. 92 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,161 Speaker 1: And yeah, he's still alive. 93 00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,761 Speaker 5: Yes, Is he's sick, Yes, he's very sick. 94 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:59,121 Speaker 4: Yeah, he's got COVID actually at the moment, and sadly, 95 00:05:00,081 --> 00:05:02,481 Speaker 4: if anything happened to him, I'd feel. 96 00:05:02,161 --> 00:05:04,241 Speaker 5: Bad, Yeah, but you'd feel bad only for your kids. 97 00:05:04,481 --> 00:05:07,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, my kid's not for me, not for me. 98 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:08,681 Speaker 5: I can see he's really sick. 99 00:05:09,081 --> 00:05:11,600 Speaker 1: His father had even assaulted me once. 100 00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:17,640 Speaker 4: Jesus, Yes, so he called me to his parents' house 101 00:05:17,761 --> 00:05:23,641 Speaker 4: to meet him one night, so his mom thinks he's 102 00:05:23,681 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 4: an angel and she he jumped the back fence and 103 00:05:26,681 --> 00:05:28,481 Speaker 4: met me at the park down the road. He said 104 00:05:28,481 --> 00:05:30,921 Speaker 4: he wanted to speak to me, but he actually bashed 105 00:05:30,921 --> 00:05:33,481 Speaker 4: me up again, and then he ran back to his 106 00:05:33,561 --> 00:05:35,721 Speaker 4: mum's jumped the back fence and went inside. Well, when 107 00:05:35,761 --> 00:05:37,641 Speaker 4: I went back there to say to them, look, your 108 00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:40,281 Speaker 4: son's bashed me up, his father came out and put 109 00:05:40,281 --> 00:05:43,681 Speaker 4: a sledgehammer through my windscreen and bashed me up as well. 110 00:05:44,921 --> 00:05:47,241 Speaker 1: After seeing sonime. 111 00:05:46,681 --> 00:05:50,801 Speaker 2: Whinging about my life, did you ever have anyone who 112 00:05:50,801 --> 00:05:54,281 Speaker 2: could like he could go to for help or my sister? 113 00:05:54,481 --> 00:05:56,761 Speaker 4: But then I didn't want to trouble my family because 114 00:05:57,081 --> 00:06:00,760 Speaker 4: once I went to my sister's house for protection and 115 00:06:01,121 --> 00:06:02,681 Speaker 4: he said he was going to run through there and 116 00:06:02,721 --> 00:06:05,041 Speaker 4: cause drama there, So you didn't want to do that. 117 00:06:05,241 --> 00:06:06,521 Speaker 1: I didn't want to do it to my sister. 118 00:06:06,841 --> 00:06:08,881 Speaker 2: He just was he the type of person who just 119 00:06:09,241 --> 00:06:12,601 Speaker 2: like what I've seen this in the past, where you've 120 00:06:12,641 --> 00:06:15,561 Speaker 2: got males who like to beat up females, but when 121 00:06:15,561 --> 00:06:17,801 Speaker 2: it comes to male on male, oh no, yeah, they. 122 00:06:17,721 --> 00:06:21,041 Speaker 4: Don't stand up to a man. But he is a fighter. 123 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,241 Speaker 4: He will stand up and fight. 124 00:06:22,241 --> 00:06:22,841 Speaker 1: I'll give him that. 125 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:27,481 Speaker 4: He's pretty gutsy, but yeah, he's not as tough as 126 00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:28,401 Speaker 4: he But. 127 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:30,960 Speaker 6: You know what, you used to beat him with words 128 00:06:31,001 --> 00:06:34,001 Speaker 6: because you were way more intelligent than him, and he 129 00:06:34,081 --> 00:06:37,001 Speaker 6: just couldn't. The only way he could control you is 130 00:06:37,041 --> 00:06:40,281 Speaker 6: by beating you, because if you could say to him, look, 131 00:06:40,361 --> 00:06:40,841 Speaker 6: don't do that. 132 00:06:40,961 --> 00:06:42,960 Speaker 5: If we do this, we'll have X Y Z and 133 00:06:43,041 --> 00:06:43,760 Speaker 5: he didn't like that. 134 00:06:44,761 --> 00:06:45,121 Speaker 1: Strong. 135 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,001 Speaker 6: Yeah, but you're intelligent and he didn't have that. So 136 00:06:48,081 --> 00:06:51,041 Speaker 6: the thing for him was the easiest. And actually monkey 137 00:06:51,081 --> 00:06:53,361 Speaker 6: see monkey do. His mum had that same life. 138 00:06:53,561 --> 00:06:54,481 Speaker 1: She was abused. 139 00:06:54,561 --> 00:06:59,041 Speaker 4: I know that I and his brother was an abuser too. 140 00:06:59,161 --> 00:07:00,401 Speaker 5: Yeah, that's what I was saying. 141 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:03,041 Speaker 2: See, this is prob. I'm going to tell you that 142 00:07:03,561 --> 00:07:05,921 Speaker 2: for the first time. I've never brought it up because 143 00:07:05,961 --> 00:07:09,481 Speaker 2: you've brought up something that happened to me. I used 144 00:07:09,481 --> 00:07:12,241 Speaker 2: to watch my dad beat up my mother, and when 145 00:07:12,281 --> 00:07:14,441 Speaker 2: I tried to stop it when I was seven and eight, 146 00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:17,921 Speaker 2: he used to pick me up from it. I launched 147 00:07:17,921 --> 00:07:20,441 Speaker 2: me against the wall and I tried to beat him, 148 00:07:20,721 --> 00:07:22,561 Speaker 2: but I was not eight year old. 149 00:07:22,601 --> 00:07:23,441 Speaker 3: I had no chance. 150 00:07:24,041 --> 00:07:27,041 Speaker 2: I used to watch him punch my mother in the face, 151 00:07:27,161 --> 00:07:28,321 Speaker 2: and I couldn't do nothing. 152 00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:31,601 Speaker 3: And then one day I tried and tried, and I said. 153 00:07:31,401 --> 00:07:33,081 Speaker 2: And then he just picked me and launched me and 154 00:07:33,121 --> 00:07:35,241 Speaker 2: then he kicked me, and I just won't mind. And 155 00:07:35,281 --> 00:07:37,401 Speaker 2: these are these are thing I've never I don't tell 156 00:07:37,441 --> 00:07:38,081 Speaker 2: anyone about this. 157 00:07:38,561 --> 00:07:40,521 Speaker 5: You don't want to admit it, really don't. 158 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,241 Speaker 2: But like you know, I had it to my dad, 159 00:07:42,281 --> 00:07:43,961 Speaker 2: but you know, and then and then when he did 160 00:07:43,961 --> 00:07:46,841 Speaker 2: it the next day because he realized he was in 161 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,201 Speaker 2: the wrong, he tried to kill himself. 162 00:07:48,721 --> 00:07:49,441 Speaker 5: You know what I. 163 00:07:49,361 --> 00:07:52,641 Speaker 4: Often say my one of my sayings is sorry just 164 00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:57,321 Speaker 4: gets louder. And I say that because the abuse gets 165 00:07:57,521 --> 00:08:00,801 Speaker 4: worse and the crying gets louder, So the sorry has 166 00:08:00,841 --> 00:08:03,841 Speaker 4: to be louder than the cry. So for them to 167 00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:07,721 Speaker 4: express their forgive or ask for forgiveness, they try and 168 00:08:07,761 --> 00:08:11,321 Speaker 4: say sorry, but it has to be louder because you're 169 00:08:11,321 --> 00:08:15,201 Speaker 4: crying so much, because the pain's so bad that, yeah, 170 00:08:15,641 --> 00:08:18,841 Speaker 4: the sorry just gets louder. And I don't feel that 171 00:08:19,001 --> 00:08:19,201 Speaker 4: in it. 172 00:08:19,601 --> 00:08:22,281 Speaker 6: I think not every but a lot of families have this. 173 00:08:22,521 --> 00:08:25,561 Speaker 6: That's the reason my mum and dad immigrated to Australia 174 00:08:25,761 --> 00:08:29,081 Speaker 6: was because of the abuse my mom had as growing up, 175 00:08:29,241 --> 00:08:31,841 Speaker 6: even when she was pregnant with me, getting beaten up 176 00:08:31,841 --> 00:08:34,681 Speaker 6: by grandmother. And my dad had the same abuse from 177 00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:38,081 Speaker 6: his mother, And ironically we brought him out to Australia 178 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:41,961 Speaker 6: for a holiday. My mom Birmingham, my mom wear brums, 179 00:08:42,401 --> 00:08:46,841 Speaker 6: and my grandmother came and she was the nastier, nastiest 180 00:08:47,241 --> 00:08:50,721 Speaker 6: piece of crap I've ever come across. And you know, 181 00:08:50,761 --> 00:08:53,201 Speaker 6: when you're fifteen, you've got an attitude. And my grandfather 182 00:08:53,321 --> 00:08:55,721 Speaker 6: was the same. And I remember being out and my 183 00:08:55,841 --> 00:08:57,721 Speaker 6: sister and I saved all that pocket money and went 184 00:08:57,761 --> 00:09:00,681 Speaker 6: and bought him on ice cream and my grandfather goes, oh, is. 185 00:09:00,601 --> 00:09:01,721 Speaker 5: That all we get? 186 00:09:01,761 --> 00:09:01,841 Speaker 1: You? 187 00:09:02,281 --> 00:09:03,681 Speaker 5: Sillier or prick? Right? 188 00:09:03,721 --> 00:09:05,281 Speaker 6: And I gave him, you know, fifteen years I was 189 00:09:05,321 --> 00:09:08,161 Speaker 6: give that look like you're an asshole, and I thought, 190 00:09:08,161 --> 00:09:09,241 Speaker 6: oh my god, dad's seen it. 191 00:09:09,281 --> 00:09:12,561 Speaker 5: I'm going to get smacked. My dad just smiled at me. 192 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:13,841 Speaker 5: My mum and dad had. 193 00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:17,201 Speaker 6: That same abuse, and for them to break it, to 194 00:09:17,281 --> 00:09:19,881 Speaker 6: break that cycle, that's why they moved to Australia. So 195 00:09:19,881 --> 00:09:23,001 Speaker 6: they moved to Australia with two suitcases, two kids, and 196 00:09:23,041 --> 00:09:23,761 Speaker 6: eighty dollars. 197 00:09:23,921 --> 00:09:28,161 Speaker 4: Oh my god, I left with my children, the clothes 198 00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:31,441 Speaker 4: they had on. I remember my youngest Briannon, had a 199 00:09:31,521 --> 00:09:34,641 Speaker 4: nappy and a single it on. I left with not 200 00:09:34,761 --> 00:09:39,281 Speaker 4: a since I had my car, my children, and nowhere 201 00:09:39,321 --> 00:09:42,041 Speaker 4: to go and no clothes, not a nappy in myself. 202 00:09:42,121 --> 00:09:42,801 Speaker 5: Where did you go? 203 00:09:43,281 --> 00:09:47,481 Speaker 4: I went to my sister Sharon, yeah, and then she 204 00:09:47,681 --> 00:09:50,881 Speaker 4: turned me away because he would have gone there. And 205 00:09:50,921 --> 00:09:52,601 Speaker 4: that's when Carl helped. 206 00:09:52,401 --> 00:09:55,401 Speaker 5: Us, right, So Carl's in your life from it. 207 00:09:55,641 --> 00:09:59,401 Speaker 4: That was we ended up being business partners first, contrary 208 00:09:59,441 --> 00:10:01,761 Speaker 4: to what other people think and say. I don't really 209 00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:04,121 Speaker 4: care about other people's thoughts and how they say. Me 210 00:10:04,441 --> 00:10:13,201 Speaker 4: together and him and I started manufacturing, not drugs. 211 00:10:11,481 --> 00:10:18,361 Speaker 1: I want to listen to the episode in full. 212 00:10:18,361 --> 00:10:19,561 Speaker 3: Click the link in the description. 213 00:10:21,361 --> 00:10:28,441 Speaker 4: H m m hmm.