1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,160 Speaker 1: This is the Fits In with Kate Richie podcast. 2 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:06,400 Speaker 2: I've got a big story here about relationships for you. 3 00:00:06,519 --> 00:00:07,480 Speaker 3: It's a bit of a list. 4 00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:12,040 Speaker 2: If you want to keep your relationship on track, grab 5 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,160 Speaker 2: a Biro, guys. 6 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,319 Speaker 1: I mean, they all go off track every now and then, 7 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:16,960 Speaker 1: don't they? Yeah, do they do? 8 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:20,239 Speaker 2: I mean, but I think there are some pretty standard 9 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,759 Speaker 2: do's and don'ts. 10 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 3: I didn't know. I was like, why is it paying 11 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:28,800 Speaker 3: with the pen? 12 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,840 Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, I've instructed somebody to get 13 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:32,280 Speaker 2: a Biro. 14 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:33,280 Speaker 3: That's a watch. 15 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:34,440 Speaker 4: That's a. 16 00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:36,440 Speaker 3: Watch. 17 00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:37,840 Speaker 2: And I didn't ask. 18 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:38,479 Speaker 3: You to do that. 19 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,959 Speaker 2: Now, Look, if you have arguments within a relationship, if 20 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,320 Speaker 2: you can do it well, that doesn't mean you have 21 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:47,560 Speaker 2: an unhealthy relationship. 22 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:49,000 Speaker 3: It's actually it's actually very good. 23 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:53,040 Speaker 2: Disagreements a normal and in fact, according to a study, 24 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,840 Speaker 2: couples who argue effectively at ten times more likely to 25 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,160 Speaker 2: have a happy relationship in the long. 26 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:01,440 Speaker 1: Term, because you once we've had an argument, if we 27 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,440 Speaker 1: can get through that, well we're going to get through them. 28 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,120 Speaker 1: If we don't fall out over it. 29 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:07,720 Speaker 3: You can argue effectively. 30 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 2: I don't think that means oh, you have a big 31 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 2: blow up and then you kind of kiss and make up, 32 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:15,880 Speaker 2: and that's the yotual of an unhealthy relationship. 33 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 1: Nick Cave wrote about this. 34 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:20,959 Speaker 4: He's got a great website called the Red Right Hand Files. 35 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,680 Speaker 1: Tommy, you've been on that before. It's a great side. 36 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,560 Speaker 4: And someone was asking about a relationship, even if it's 37 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 4: a friendship or a marriage, when it comes to arguing, 38 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 4: and he wrote this beautiful answer. Our truest and deepest 39 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:37,520 Speaker 4: relationships allow us the freedom to voice an opinion without 40 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:41,400 Speaker 4: fear of it being detrimental to the partnership. And he said, 41 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,840 Speaker 4: it's actually good. You want someone to challenge you. You 42 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:46,039 Speaker 4: don't want someone that just agrees with you all the. 43 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:50,000 Speaker 2: Time and that you're still lovable even when you're honest. 44 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,120 Speaker 1: What doesn't need to be confrontation. I think that's the 45 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 1: important point. 46 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so here we go. I'll run through this. 47 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 2: I mean, and if you're saying these things, maybe have 48 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,960 Speaker 2: a think about it. I'm going to start with you overreacting. 49 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:04,440 Speaker 2: I'm not even going to explain that one. We know 50 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:12,320 Speaker 2: that's not a good one to go in with. No, no, no, no, okay, 51 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 2: this one you care about something or someone more than me. 52 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:21,200 Speaker 2: I mean, that's one that's somebody feeling absolutely neglected and 53 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:24,040 Speaker 2: maybe left out. But rather than saying it like that, 54 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 2: rather than saying you care about them more than me, 55 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 2: just say this is how I'm feeling shitty. Season starts, 56 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:32,240 Speaker 2: So yeah, look over here, look over here for a 57 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,680 Speaker 2: little bit. You never listen. I don't think you were 58 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:38,160 Speaker 2: meant to start any sentence with the word you are. 59 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:39,000 Speaker 1: You never listen. 60 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,720 Speaker 3: You've got to say, I find it. 61 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,120 Speaker 1: Hard to. 62 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:47,840 Speaker 4: Me that she has to pick times. She knows my 63 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,400 Speaker 4: character enough now that you have to pick times. 64 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 2: What for listening is. 65 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,959 Speaker 1: For listening just talking to you in general? 66 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:58,480 Speaker 4: Ryan, Those is painted if there's something important that she 67 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,440 Speaker 4: needs to go, maybe in a state, if she has 68 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 4: to do something or go away, she goes. 69 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 1: I know, I have to pick my time. 70 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,880 Speaker 2: Oh, to get it across the line. 71 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,679 Speaker 1: Can we try to book you from six to nine 72 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 1: each day? Get you? 73 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 2: This is the worst time listening. Okay, that's not true. 74 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 2: You're being ridiculous. 75 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,359 Speaker 1: You're being ridiculous. That's a tough one. 76 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:24,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, this is just like before when you did such and. 77 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,800 Speaker 1: Sight you drag up something from the past. 78 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, but I cat I mean habits to form, don't they? 79 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:33,000 Speaker 2: And history says you're doing this because you've done it 80 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,720 Speaker 2: before and there's nothing changing. 81 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,960 Speaker 1: Would you ever have anything from the past and bring 82 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:38,160 Speaker 1: it up? 83 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 3: Would you ruminate? Yeah? 84 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,160 Speaker 1: Would let you? Would you scar be scarred and then 85 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:42,640 Speaker 1: bring it up? 86 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:42,920 Speaker 3: Well? 87 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 4: Kate documents it. She's got in her notes on her phone. 88 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:47,960 Speaker 4: She'll write down everything. 89 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:51,640 Speaker 1: Book Steve left towel on floor. 90 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 4: It's old my dad's on February sixteen, twenty eighteen. 91 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:01,600 Speaker 3: Don't joke about it. 92 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,960 Speaker 2: It's very important to document things sometimes, especially when somebody 93 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,600 Speaker 2: is trying to gaslight you and ruin your life. 94 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 1: I know what you mean, and I've been in arguments 95 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,200 Speaker 1: with my wife or I've thought I wish there was 96 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:14,760 Speaker 1: a microphone in here recording right. 97 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:16,920 Speaker 2: But you say that, and that's something else. 98 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,080 Speaker 1: You should be able to play back what you just 99 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:22,520 Speaker 1: said so it can make sense because you're losing your 100 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:23,720 Speaker 1: mind now, because. 101 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,440 Speaker 2: You do start to think you're losing your mind. So 102 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 2: sometimes just a little note every now and then is important. 103 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,320 Speaker 3: Full stop, moving on scrap book. 104 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 1: How big is the book she's written? 105 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:41,200 Speaker 4: Now, You've been ridiculous Volume one. 106 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,400 Speaker 3: I told you so, Okay, I hate that. 107 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:44,720 Speaker 1: I told you so. Do you know what I've been 108 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 1: doing a little bit of instead of saying sorry right 109 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:49,600 Speaker 1: to the person you. 110 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:50,479 Speaker 3: Said, it's your phone. 111 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:53,919 Speaker 1: No, I say sorry sorry it made you feel. 112 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,839 Speaker 3: Like that there was that. 113 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, But also it's important to behavior to say that, 114 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,880 Speaker 2: you know I but you have to sometimes hand people's 115 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 2: feelings back to them. I'm going to stay on my 116 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,679 Speaker 2: side of the street and you stay on yours. 117 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 1: You deal with that because I can't help you from here. 118 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,880 Speaker 2: Oh god, I'm practically Maggie Dent. 119 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,320 Speaker 1: Not really. She doesn't make a personal. 120 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 3: No, she's talking about the children. They're much easier to 121 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 3: deal with. 122 00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:23,359 Speaker 2: You're such an name calling So you're such an insert 123 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:24,200 Speaker 2: insulting name. 124 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:24,359 Speaker 4: Hi. 125 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:27,800 Speaker 2: Do not name call and do not name call when 126 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:30,160 Speaker 2: you're like from a very young And here's what I. 127 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:31,680 Speaker 1: Was told off for the other day when I went, 128 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:35,360 Speaker 1: you are a psycho? How did a psycho go? 129 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:42,200 Speaker 4: I think with our, withour the way that we talk, 130 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:46,360 Speaker 4: we say psycho in an endearing way. 131 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:49,239 Speaker 1: Thank you, you're such a cute psycho. 132 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:53,680 Speaker 2: Okay, be more like such and such. Don't ever do that. 133 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,360 Speaker 2: Don't ever compare them to somebody else. And for the 134 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,960 Speaker 2: final one, which could be your nail, the nail in 135 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:02,040 Speaker 2: the coffin is if you don't do this, So whatever 136 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 2: you insert there, what if you don't do this, I'll 137 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:06,280 Speaker 2: leave you. 138 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:08,720 Speaker 1: If you're not bad. But what do you mean tonight? 139 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,080 Speaker 4: What are you inserting? 140 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,960 Speaker 1: No, no, you're not inserting the space. You're not if 141 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,880 Speaker 1: you don't if you don't do this, you don't insert this, 142 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:22,159 Speaker 1: you're out. Its Whip with Kate Ritchie is a Nova 143 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:25,920 Speaker 1: podcast or great shows like this, Download the Nova Player 144 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 1: by the app Store or Google Play.