Speaker 1: La La La la lucky. It's a lucky dip carded
Speaker 1: y by everyone and everyone. It's me, It's Monty. You
Speaker 1: show me towl girls if you knew. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1: What a treat to have Gary is here. If you're
Speaker 1: a oldie, just as lovely to have you back.
Speaker 2: An old timer, an old timer. We are coming up
Speaker 2: to our five hundredth episode, are we really? Yeah? We are.
Speaker 2: I think we've got maybe twelve twelve episodes to go.
Speaker 1: I wonder when we did our first episode, do you
Speaker 1: was it? Where was it?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I remember where it was. I feel
Speaker 2: like it was it Stacey's. Was it at Stacy's house
Speaker 2: the first one? No, oh my god, I can tell
Speaker 2: you where it was. It was your old house.
Speaker 1: My old house. Yeah, yeah, yes, on the table, yeah,
Speaker 1: the table. We would have had no idea what we
Speaker 1: were doing. We still don't, but just had the biggest
Speaker 1: I remember like when I finished doing Sydney Breakfast Radio,
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I'm going to start podcasting and
Speaker 1: going to the shops and then not really knowing what
Speaker 1: I should get, like it wasn't a thing there, like
Speaker 1: it was not really a thing, and just spend I
Speaker 1: remember I to spend quite a lot of money on
Speaker 1: getting like this mixing thing that I know so fucking
Speaker 1: archaic now and the microphones, and oh my.
Speaker 2: God, I know how far we've come.
Speaker 1: Hey, oh how far?
Speaker 2: Well back by popular demand? Yes, I've got a few
Speaker 2: more secrets from my late night.
Speaker 1: Reddit threads that you get into.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so let's kick it off with this first one. Okay,
Speaker 2: it's not really dark, it's just wow. My boyfriend and
Speaker 2: I met at the brothel where I used to work
Speaker 2: as a whole. That's her line, not mine, her language,
Speaker 2: but imagine, so how did you meet? Obviously they're not
Speaker 2: telling people how.
Speaker 1: Yeah, ma'am, I'm dad.
Speaker 2: Okay. I love my wife dearly, but she's one of
Speaker 2: the least intelligent people I know. She struggles with very
Speaker 2: very basic things her whole family does. She's from a
Speaker 2: small town and wasn't exposed to a lot by her
Speaker 2: parents and their simple lifestyle. She said a few things
Speaker 2: that maybe some people would find cute for how ignorant
Speaker 2: they were, But I just get a little more depressed
Speaker 2: every time. I don't think anything would hurt my feelings
Speaker 2: more than if market said that to me, Like if
Speaker 2: he I mean if he said to me, you've gotten fat,
Speaker 2: I don't find you attractive. I could deal with that
Speaker 2: better than him being embarrassed that I wasn't smart enough.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, because it's like I say some dumb stuff
Speaker 1: sometimes and we all do Sam's face, and then occasionally
Speaker 1: he'll be like are you serious, and I'll be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm clearly fucking serious. I didn't learn that. I get
Speaker 1: really defensive.
Speaker 2: But because I think being dumb is at the court
Speaker 2: sort of your It's like your biggest insecurity is it.
Speaker 1: Is absolutely mine because all through school I felt dumb.
Speaker 1: Because if I wasn't interested, I can concentrate on it,
Speaker 1: like I just have got this reoccurring story that I'm done,
Speaker 1: I'm dumb. I don't have much to contribute in you know,
Speaker 1: so that would kill me.
Speaker 2: It's more that you will ask questions. It's more of
Speaker 2: a curiosity thing. It's not an intelligence thing. It's that
Speaker 2: you just want to know more. And maybe the difference
Speaker 2: between you and someone else is that the other person
Speaker 2: wouldn't ask it, they'd go home and google it and
Speaker 2: find the answer. But you're more open that you just lazy.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not going to google it. Can you
Speaker 1: just tell me what that means or where that is?
Speaker 1: Or yeah, yeah, interesting?
Speaker 2: Okay, this fuck. I used to masturbate a lot, and
Speaker 2: when I was ten, I had a technique or I'd
Speaker 2: let off a load into a sock, then wash it
Speaker 2: and quickly dry it. I couldn't leave it hanging outside
Speaker 2: or use a dryer, otherwise my family would have seen
Speaker 2: it and probably smelt it.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: I feel like he wasn't washing it properly in that case,
Speaker 2: so I put it inside my gas heater unit. Unfortunately,
Speaker 2: my sock had caught on fire inside the unit, blew
Speaker 2: it up and set my house on fire. Only my
Speaker 2: brother was home at the time, and he managed to survive,
Speaker 2: but the house did not. For five years, we stayed
Speaker 2: from caravan park to caravan park whilst we waited for
Speaker 2: confirmation that it was not arson and we could receive
Speaker 2: an insurance payout. We eventually did and scraped together money
Speaker 2: to start rebuilding the house. The house is still being
Speaker 2: rebuilt to this day, and it shames me anytime I
Speaker 2: have to visit my parents living in a tiny mobile
Speaker 2: home where my backyard once was. That's heavy to carry,
Speaker 2: heavy to carry and then also, what do you say?
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I came in the sock and I did
Speaker 2: wash it, but then I was trying to dry it
Speaker 2: and sorry.
Speaker 1: Fuck. Also deep, that's me into a sock.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like I had a sense of Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's probably different for a boy. I don't know, like
Speaker 2: to say, even come out at ten.
Speaker 1: I didn't think it did well. I think something comes out,
Speaker 1: but not sperm. I don't know it's.
Speaker 2: Okay. Suicide warning. My brother committed suicide in nineteen ninety four.
Speaker 2: Shortly thereafter, I intercepted a letter to my parents from
Speaker 2: his girlfriend. She was pregnant and wanted them to know
Speaker 2: and asked if they wanted to be in the baby's life.
Speaker 2: I burned the letter and have never told them. She
Speaker 2: never contacted them again. And I did so many drugs
Speaker 2: that I buried that secret deep in my subconscious. And
Speaker 2: then all people replied, right, so there's all these people
Speaker 2: asking why the fuck would you do that? He responded,
Speaker 2: and he wrote, at that time, I thought he was
Speaker 2: a woman. No. Mark said the same thing.
Speaker 1: I thought it was a sister.
Speaker 2: Sorry, no, no, no, it's a brother. So people have asked,
Speaker 2: why wouldn't you tell that Why would you keep that
Speaker 2: from your parents or whatever? And he wrote at that time, yes,
Speaker 2: I hated him. He was an addict who put our
Speaker 2: family through hell for years and then killed himself. It
Speaker 2: plunged my parents and I into a very dark place
Speaker 2: for a very long time. Burning the letter haunted me
Speaker 2: for years and kept feeding my depression for many years.
Speaker 2: You can call me whatever you like, but you don't
Speaker 2: know anything about living with an addict, So don't judge
Speaker 2: the actions of a seventeen year old who had just
Speaker 2: lost his brother. I wish I remembered her name, but
Speaker 2: we had never met her, and she had her share
Speaker 2: of addictions as well. Do you imagine that? Imagine then
Speaker 2: if he did come clean and said to the parents, listen,
Speaker 2: I never told you.
Speaker 1: But.
Speaker 2: Child, Yeah, child's thirty years old. Now you'd never that's
Speaker 2: sort of unforgivable from the parents side of the years. Two.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, because you've lost all of that time. But
Speaker 1: when you're seventeen, yeah, and you've yeah, got that's fuck.
Speaker 2: Wow, Let's do one more and then we'll reconvene.
Speaker 1: Okay, are we going dark or who? Because they're all dark? Okay,
Speaker 1: they're all dark, But they're all pretty dark.
Speaker 2: I mean, this one's this one's dark but fucked, but
Speaker 2: just it's also revolting. It's revolting. Okay, okay. I had
Speaker 2: a drunken argument with my traveling buddy when we were
Speaker 2: in Asia together years ago. She became physical and started
Speaker 2: shoving me around and became incredibly intimidating, screaming in my face,
Speaker 2: et cetera. We all know that person, and they've had
Speaker 2: too many drinks, they get very confrontational. I left the
Speaker 2: bar we were at and went back to our hostel room.
Speaker 2: I was so annoyed at her. I scrubbed the unsanitary
Speaker 2: Asian toilet in our room with her toothbrush. Despite my
Speaker 2: horror at realizing what I'd done. In the morning, I
Speaker 2: didn't tell her. She came down with the worst diarrhea
Speaker 2: in vomiting in the evening after ended up on a
Speaker 2: drip in some tourist hospital. She was in hospital for
Speaker 2: about three days. Woops. This is like the time I
Speaker 2: told you. I'm sure I've said this on the podcast before.
Speaker 2: I put snot in my brother's French onion dip once
Speaker 2: when we were kids, because you know, French onion dips
Speaker 2: got those bits in it, oh, like the old school
Speaker 2: round tub. I picked my nose and it was a
Speaker 2: perfect consistency. I put it in there, and I sat
Speaker 2: in the lound room because he pissed me off about something,
Speaker 2: and we're watching TV and I just watched him with
Speaker 2: a box of boys. He ate the fucking whole thing,
Speaker 2: and you know that he was at the end trying
Speaker 2: to scoop every bit from it. I've told him that
Speaker 2: though that.
Speaker 1: Is so messed up. I would prefer not to know.
Speaker 1: If I was him, me too, Oh that is so funny. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, that's your little luck a dip today. Everyone.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening in. As always, we appreciate you,
Speaker 1: and yeah, we'll be back very soon.
Speaker 2: Bye for now, plum you