WEBVTT - #2090 Destination Disappointment - Harps & Tiff 0:00:01.240 --> 0:00:03.600 I'll get a team. It's Craig Anthony Harper. It's the 0:00:04.040 --> 0:00:07.600 nineteenth of the first, twenty twenty six. It's a Monday. 0:00:07.840 --> 0:00:12.040 It's the year as well. The new year is well underway. 0:00:12.119 --> 0:00:14.960 I'm very excited. Some things are happening. The wheels are turning. 0:00:15.480 --> 0:00:18.160 People are getting excited. Some people will have fallen off 0:00:18.160 --> 0:00:20.880 the wagon. Some people are still on the fucking wagon. 0:00:21.680 --> 0:00:25.319 Did you set any specific goals? Cook? Welcome Tiffany and Cook. 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:28.720 Did you set any goals that just happened to line 0:00:28.760 --> 0:00:29.680 up with the new year? 0:00:30.000 --> 0:00:31.159 Or not? 0:00:31.360 --> 0:00:33.120 Really? Not really? 0:00:33.360 --> 0:00:36.839 Not really. I have a feel I feel like this 0:00:37.040 --> 0:00:40.600 year is going to be very different for me, just 0:00:40.600 --> 0:00:43.760 because I did the course last year and I know 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:46.800 that it will be different. But I didn't set new goals. 0:00:46.800 --> 0:00:49.360 I kind of went, I wonder how this will unfold, 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:51.840 And when I'm ready to switch back on for the year, 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:53.480 I'll explore that. 0:00:54.320 --> 0:00:56.680 What percentage of people do you reckon? Are really good 0:00:56.720 --> 0:01:00.160 with structure and process and timeline and goals and to 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:02.400 do list? And I feel like, like I say that 0:01:02.400 --> 0:01:05.080 shit all the time. Turn your idea into a plan, right, 0:01:05.200 --> 0:01:08.120 because an idea great, but it's not a plan. There's 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:11.640 no structure, process, accountability, blah blah blah blah blah, and 0:01:11.680 --> 0:01:15.560 all of that makes sense. However, you know, SODA's not 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:18.280 eating shit, but that doesn't work well for the population. 0:01:19.040 --> 0:01:22.360 SODA's not getting pissed a lot well for quite a percentage, 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:25.280 that doesn't work, you know, not being a fuck with well, 0:01:25.319 --> 0:01:28.679 A few people struggle with that, including me. I feel 0:01:28.680 --> 0:01:35.920 like sometimes, you know, despite the alleged logic and strategy 0:01:36.000 --> 0:01:38.760 and critical thinking that comes out of my mouth, I 0:01:38.840 --> 0:01:44.480 say alleged, it almost doesn't matter. Like the quality of 0:01:44.520 --> 0:01:47.039 the advice, if we can call it that, or ideas 0:01:47.120 --> 0:01:51.120 or stories or messages or research or data that we 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:55.280 share on this show is probably five percent ninety five 0:01:55.320 --> 0:01:58.320 percent is do people understand it? Do they will they 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:02.800 do something with it? Will they keep doing something with it? Yeah, 0:02:02.840 --> 0:02:07.120 which makes me feel a little redundant sometimes, But you 0:02:07.160 --> 0:02:09.840 know you're going to keep You're going to keep like 0:02:10.120 --> 0:02:13.480 shout from the rooftops and just hope someone like I think, 0:02:13.880 --> 0:02:17.640 imagine this like I've literally saved a person's life, which 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:20.040 is like, and I don't say that in a brag 0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:21.799 ghostly way, that's just part of my gene. 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:25.079 Probably could you probably weren't saying that in braggy, boasty way. 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:28.840 I would. Yeah, I don't mean that, but it's like, honestly, 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:30.600 I've done a lot of cool shit. It's probably in 0:02:30.680 --> 0:02:33.440 the top two, maybe the top thing I've ever done, 0:02:34.040 --> 0:02:36.080 you know, my top two things in terms of just 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:40.720 what I am very proud of. Not in a boasty way, 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:43.240 but you know, saving the crabs life and working with 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:47.240 Johnny for eight years, three days a week, blah blah blah. 0:02:47.440 --> 0:02:50.880 Who's who they said would never do anything. Right now, 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:55.200 he's a fucking relative to what he was diagnosed or 0:02:55.200 --> 0:02:57.920 what they proposed he might be. He's a fucking weapon. 0:02:59.080 --> 0:03:02.440 But you know, so, I think if I have a 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:08.280 podcast and I don't know how many times, but one person, 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:12.800 it saves their life. Maybe not I save their life, 0:03:12.840 --> 0:03:16.720 but the story, the idea or the hope or the 0:03:16.760 --> 0:03:20.560 inspiration or the shift that happens in them. And then 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:22.600 they go and do something, and then they get a result, 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:25.080 then they get a bit excited, then they make another decision, 0:03:25.120 --> 0:03:28.800 they do more stuff, and then two years down the 0:03:28.919 --> 0:03:32.280 track they not me, not you, not asking, they have 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:35.000 turned their life around. But it started with a moment 0:03:35.040 --> 0:03:37.120 in time and the moment in time was this show. 0:03:37.160 --> 0:03:40.880 And I've had you know, many people say to me, 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:45.920 you or your show changed my life, and I always say, 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:48.120 I didn't change your life. You did, but thank you 0:03:48.280 --> 0:03:52.640 that you took action on something. You know. So I 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:56.480 guess my long winded question is is there any point 0:03:56.560 --> 0:03:59.640 in creating a plan, creating a structure, timeline, process, or 0:03:59.720 --> 0:04:06.160 that if the person's not genuinely three hundred ready to go. 0:04:07.800 --> 0:04:10.440 You remind me of the very first time you had 0:04:10.480 --> 0:04:14.480 me on typ SO twenty twenty sometime, and at the 0:04:14.680 --> 0:04:16.960 end of the conversation you said, if all goes well 0:04:17.000 --> 0:04:22.200 on Planet tifth in five years, what's next? And I hesitated, 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:24.680 and then I remember saying, oh, you don't have to 0:04:24.720 --> 0:04:27.080 have something, and I was like, nah, I'm not going 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:30.520 to because five minutes ago, I think sometimes a plan 0:04:30.640 --> 0:04:33.680 puts on blinkers because we're not sure, we're not curious 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:35.600 about what we want to do, so we picked something, 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:38.640 and then cognitive bias leads us down that path we 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:42.120 miss everything else. Five minutes before that conversation, I was 0:04:42.200 --> 0:04:44.760 never going to be a podcaster. I owned gyms. I'm 0:04:44.800 --> 0:04:47.480 never going to be doing what I did, and it 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:49.560 led me to this thing that I never knew I 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:53.160 could do that opened up doors I never knew were closed. 0:04:53.360 --> 0:04:56.480 And so I think there's there's that part of things. 0:04:56.520 --> 0:04:58.640 But then there's also the idea that if you're not 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:01.880 sure where you're going, you're going to go around in circles. 0:05:01.880 --> 0:05:03.880 So there's a bit of a catch twenty two on 0:05:03.960 --> 0:05:06.640 both ends, and it all comes down to what you 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:09.039 research around self awareness. 0:05:09.600 --> 0:05:12.880 Yes, yeah, one hundred percent. Also there's another interesting kind 0:05:12.920 --> 0:05:18.240 of parallel component to this. I don't know if this 0:05:18.400 --> 0:05:21.440 is a real term, but I coined this term maybe 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:26.200 someone else did too, and it's a destination disappointment, which 0:05:26.279 --> 0:05:28.680 is when you get somewhere, Oh, you did the thing, 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:31.599 you got, the thing, you achieved, the thing you made, 0:05:31.640 --> 0:05:34.320 the money, you wrote the book, or you fucking climbed 0:05:34.360 --> 0:05:39.240 the mountain, or you had the boxing experience or you whatever, 0:05:40.080 --> 0:05:42.200 and then you're like, oh, I still feel like shit, 0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:44.839 what's that about? Because you thought that thing would be 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:51.159 the antidote to the malaise, the blidness that you found 0:05:51.200 --> 0:05:54.520 yourself in the middle of. And I mean I've had that, 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:58.360 I've achieved great things and then you know relative but 0:05:58.400 --> 0:06:02.680 then not that it was bad, but I'm like, oh okay, Like, 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:05.159 for example, I'm not fat anymore, I'm lean, I'm in 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:08.960 very good shape, and but I still feel shit. So 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:12.240 clearly that wasn't maybe that was part of the problem, 0:06:12.600 --> 0:06:15.200 But what else is going on? So I think trying 0:06:15.200 --> 0:06:18.400 to understand what it is I really need versus what 0:06:18.480 --> 0:06:19.679 I think I need? 0:06:21.200 --> 0:06:23.320 And then what did I get out of that thing? 0:06:23.400 --> 0:06:25.240 What was the thing that was drawing me in? 0:06:26.480 --> 0:06:27.240 Do you have it? 0:06:27.320 --> 0:06:30.840 Has that happened to you when you've gained an understanding 0:06:31.000 --> 0:06:36.280 straight away? Or how does your unpacking of that play out? 0:06:37.200 --> 0:06:39.919 Well, I've kind I've kind of gone down I was 0:06:39.920 --> 0:06:41.880 going to say all the past. Of course I haven't, 0:06:41.880 --> 0:06:44.840 but I've gone down there. If I look awesome, if 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:48.400 I'm jacked, well that's going to make life pretty amazing, 0:06:48.760 --> 0:06:52.440 because you know, dudes will think I'm cool, women all 0:06:52.480 --> 0:06:56.560 think I'm just hot as fuck, and well, you know whatever. 0:06:56.839 --> 0:07:01.240 And clearly that thinking was coming out of you know, 0:07:01.800 --> 0:07:07.719 fucking one delusion two you know, insecurity, self doubt, fear, 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:11.440 all of that stuff. But I just had I didn't 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:14.080 think it would fix all my problems, but I thought 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:17.360 it would do much more for my emotional and psychological 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:22.000 wellbeing than it actually did, because I was, as I've 0:07:22.040 --> 0:07:24.280 said at least twenty times over the last eight years, 0:07:24.320 --> 0:07:27.640 but I was trying to resolve a psychological, emotional, and 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:35.080 perhaps in my framework, spiritual problems with physical solutions. You know, 0:07:35.120 --> 0:07:37.240 it's like, oh, Wow, you've got really big arms and 0:07:37.240 --> 0:07:39.920 they're vany, and you've got big shoulders and you've got 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:42.840 abs terrific. You're still a fucking idiot, but you're just 0:07:42.880 --> 0:07:46.040 in a better body and you're not dealing with the 0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:50.320 things that are making what's not making you healthy. Craig 0:07:50.400 --> 0:07:53.760 mentally and emotionally healthy is not the size of your 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:58.040 fucking arms, you know. And it's trying to This is hard. 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:03.520 This is trying to have real self awareness, no matter 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:07.200 how painful it might be, at that moment of kind 0:08:07.200 --> 0:08:12.800 of enlightenment or awareness where you realize, oh, I'm just 0:08:13.320 --> 0:08:17.440 a big fucking baby who's scared of everything, you. 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:22.320 Know, And what's the sacrifice of the thing that you're doing. 0:08:22.400 --> 0:08:24.160 When you think you're doing a thing that you need 0:08:24.240 --> 0:08:28.080 to do, what's the sacrifice of the life you need 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:30.360 to live and the busyness you live in the middle 0:08:30.400 --> 0:08:34.439 of to maintain that perceived destination. 0:08:35.679 --> 0:08:38.319 Oh that is a very all haven't you gotten good 0:08:38.400 --> 0:08:43.160 since twenty twenty fucking drunk? All right, hey, kids, don't 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:46.040 if there's any kids listening, don't talk like Uncle Jumbo 0:08:46.400 --> 0:08:51.600 is a hunt. Don't listen to him. Just as it's 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:54.000 coming out in my mouth, I'm like, some first time, 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:55.800 is it going to be like, oh my god, who 0:08:55.840 --> 0:09:03.680 is this man? I concur I agree? Okay, so yeah, 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:05.840 what are you kind of giving up in the pursuit 0:09:05.880 --> 0:09:07.960 of this thing that you think you need but you 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:10.120 actually don't need. Is that what you're saying? 0:09:10.520 --> 0:09:11.079 Yeah? 0:09:11.160 --> 0:09:13.400 Yeah, yeah, Like when you're heading well, I think you're 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:18.679 just you're just wasting time. It's not that being in 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:23.800 shape is bad per my previous example, but when you're 0:09:23.840 --> 0:09:26.800 trying to you know, let's say the engine in your 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:29.719 car's fucked and you keep pumping up the tires. You 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:32.800 like that, Well, that well done on the tire pumping. 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:36.360 You fuck with it, but the engine's fucked, so maybe 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:39.920 open the bonnet. No, I'll just try the tires one 0:09:39.960 --> 0:09:43.640 more time. There no chance the engines fucked. It's not. Well, 0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:46.080 I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll polish the bumper bar. 0:09:46.800 --> 0:09:49.560 You know, you keep because you kind of I think 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:53.000 you know, but you know that fixing the engine, Oh 0:09:53.040 --> 0:09:55.480 my god, that's so big, that's such a task, that's 0:09:55.480 --> 0:09:57.840 sut so hard. I don't really have those skills. I 0:09:57.840 --> 0:10:00.400 don't really have that understanding and the idea that I've 0:10:00.440 --> 0:10:02.719 got to go lift the bonnet and figure this shit out, 0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:06.120 and there's I can't have anyone really do it for 0:10:06.160 --> 0:10:11.480 me in this metaphor anyway, you know. So I think 0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:14.520 you when you take the easy way not the hard way, 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:17.720 you're depriving yourself of the opportunity to you know. Craig 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:21.040 Harper speak, grow, learn, evolve, adapt, improve, gain, awareness, insight, 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:26.320 understanding all those things. And so I think there's strategic card. 0:10:26.480 --> 0:10:28.960 I'm going to do this thing that I don't want 0:10:29.000 --> 0:10:31.800 to do, and it's hard, and it's difficult and unfamiliar, 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:36.320 and there is no instant gratification, there is no immediate payoff. 0:10:36.920 --> 0:10:41.000 But what will probably happen and hopefully happen over the 0:10:41.040 --> 0:10:44.760 next year, not the next three minutes, but over the 0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:50.360 next year. I might build resilience, build awareness, build competence, 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:53.319 develop skill, be able to be the calm and the chaos, 0:10:53.920 --> 0:10:56.480 talk to five hundred people from a stage without doing 0:10:56.480 --> 0:10:59.360 a little bit of wei every third fucking word, you 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:04.040 know whatever, is all of that kind of yeah, because 0:11:04.600 --> 0:11:07.400 and I think there's like I think there's a bit 0:11:07.440 --> 0:11:10.760 of a an over correction. Like so we've got the 0:11:12.520 --> 0:11:15.720 we've got the you know, like the molly coddling version 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:19.720 of the world where you know everyone, we're nerfing everyone 0:11:19.760 --> 0:11:21.640 and oh it doesn't matter, it's not your fault and 0:11:21.679 --> 0:11:24.200 it's okay and fuck those people and you're right, and 0:11:24.200 --> 0:11:27.880 there's that right, which that's not great. But then at 0:11:27.920 --> 0:11:30.960 the other end of the scale, we've got the alpha males. 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:34.000 And I guess in some ways I'm a little bit 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:37.600 of an alpha. But I'm also like, yeah, give me 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:40.600 a hug, though, And I cried three times yesterday, and 0:11:40.880 --> 0:11:43.160 there's some stuff that scares me and I don't know, 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:48.280 so I think that that chest beating, you know, like 0:11:48.880 --> 0:11:51.560 just say what you say, do what you you know, 0:11:51.640 --> 0:11:53.480 and fuck him. I'm going to live And if people 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:57.200 don't like, you know, it's my way on the highway 0:11:57.240 --> 0:11:59.040 and all that stuff. It's like, yeah, cool, if you 0:11:59.120 --> 0:12:02.360 live on an island by yourself, that's fabulous, you know, 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:06.199 but you don't you live around other humans who don't 0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:10.080 share your ideas and your experience, you know, So yeah, 0:12:10.120 --> 0:12:13.480 I think that, and I'll shut up after this. You 0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:17.080 know what I was thinking about the other day, I 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:20.160 was actually thinking about not even being funny Scott and 0:12:20.200 --> 0:12:23.680 you and me. One of the things that you and 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:29.000 me and Scott say is I'm a lot, right, And 0:12:29.040 --> 0:12:31.280 I was thinking about, and I'm not throwing any of 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:35.800 us under the bus, but we're almost saying I'm a lot. 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:38.040 So you'll just have to cope with me because I'm 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:40.360 a lot. This is how I am. I'm full on, 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:43.520 I'm a lot. If I rub people up the wrong way, 0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:46.480 that's their issue, not my issue, because I'm a lot. 0:12:46.600 --> 0:12:49.440 I'm a lot, hey, you know. And if you can't 0:12:49.480 --> 0:12:52.880 cope with my lot a lotness, I'm definitely not the problem. 0:12:52.960 --> 0:12:55.560 I don't have to change you do, so you work 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:59.640 around my fucking a lotness. I'm like, yeah, I've even 0:12:59.720 --> 0:13:03.160 said I'm a lot, and I kind of you know, 0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:05.960 you've said it, Scott said it, We've said it together. 0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:08.800 We're all peas in a pod that way, and I'm like, yeah, 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:11.880 that's kind of selfish though, that's kind of me going, yeah, 0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:14.000 I don't need to work. You need to work because 0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:17.160 this is just how I am. So I'm just going 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:20.800 to be how I am, which is a lot, and 0:13:21.240 --> 0:13:24.199 you'll just need to figure it out, Champ. You know. 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:26.680 So I was thinking about that the other day, which 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:29.960 is a kind of a funny way of explaining a 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:35.079 high level of self awareness and empathy. Is like, I 0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:38.880 really think, not in a good way all the time. 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:41.320 I'm a lot, and I need to I need to, 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:45.680 you know, modify my behavior and have awareness of how 0:13:45.720 --> 0:13:51.040 I act and react and respond around people without overcorrecting 0:13:51.280 --> 0:13:53.880 and without being disingenuous. I still need to be me. 0:13:55.040 --> 0:13:57.000 But how do I be me with more empathy and 0:13:57.040 --> 0:14:01.280 more awareness and more social intelligence? You know? So that's 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:03.839 where my book going to, both for. 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:06.079 The other person and for you. So what do I need? 0:14:06.200 --> 0:14:09.040 What is best for me to accept, what is healthiest 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:11.480 for me to accept about me? And what is healthiest 0:14:11.480 --> 0:14:14.200 for me to change? And how do I manage that 0:14:14.320 --> 0:14:18.960 when I am me? And who are the people that 0:14:19.280 --> 0:14:22.840 I'm going to make those decisions about. There's so there's 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:23.760 so many levels there. 0:14:24.400 --> 0:14:27.760 Well, again this comes back to metabception, metaaccuracy, you know, 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:29.960 theory of mind all that shit that I'll bored you 0:14:30.000 --> 0:14:32.640 with for six years. You know, people being in the 0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:37.440 moments and recognizing that I'm annoying this person and rather 0:14:37.480 --> 0:14:41.160 than going, well, fuck them, that's not my problem because 0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:44.240 I'm right, Rather than that going all right, Well, how 0:14:44.240 --> 0:14:48.040 can I change my behavior or my approach, or my 0:14:48.120 --> 0:14:52.040 strategy or my conversation or my communication style in real 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:55.920 time so that I improve the connection or I at 0:14:56.000 --> 0:14:59.640 least create a connection not a disconnection, so I build trust, 0:14:59.680 --> 0:15:02.360 report or respect. Rather than going, well, if he's not 0:15:02.400 --> 0:15:05.000 picking up what I'm putting down, fuck him, he's the problem. 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:08.520 You know. It's like, nah, dude, that's just you being 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:13.960 ignorant and arrogant and unaware. And you know, there'll be 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:16.880 people where I sit down with for an hour and 0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:21.320 I will do half the talking. If I'm being honest, 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:24.280 there's probably times, not very often lately, but where I 0:15:24.320 --> 0:15:27.320 do sixty or seventy percent. Not very often though, thankfully, 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:30.120 but there was a time. But I would think most 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:32.920 of the time like I had a coffee with a 0:15:32.960 --> 0:15:37.880 guy shout out to Chris Welsh Welshie that I did 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:40.160 my first degree with, and I have not seen him 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:43.920 since two thousand and two. Right, So twenty four years 0:15:43.920 --> 0:15:47.160 I saw him today. I spent an hour with him. 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:51.360 I could tell you a lot about him, and very 0:15:51.440 --> 0:15:55.800 thankfully we didn't talk about me at all. We didn't 0:15:55.800 --> 0:15:58.680 talk about my work, what I'm doing. Am I married? 0:15:58.680 --> 0:16:02.200 Am I not married? Where do I nothing? Because he's married, 0:16:02.240 --> 0:16:05.000 He's done multiple jobs since he left Junie. He's got 0:16:05.440 --> 0:16:08.760 you know, three kids, two girls and a boy. You know, 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:10.760 I could tell you other things which would not be 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:15.960 fair on him because it's private. But I loved it, 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:20.000 and I loved just it being all about him. One 0:16:20.200 --> 0:16:22.800 because I was genuinely interested. I want to hear what 0:16:22.840 --> 0:16:25.680 because he was funny as fuck at UNI. But like, 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:28.560 think about this, When I started Junior, I was thirty 0:16:28.600 --> 0:16:31.240 six first time around. He was eighteen. He was a boy. 0:16:31.440 --> 0:16:35.160 I was a man. I theoretically could have been his dad. 0:16:35.880 --> 0:16:38.440 You know. So I was at UNI thirty six to 0:16:38.520 --> 0:16:41.240 thirty nine the first time around, and most of them 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:44.400 were eighteen to twenty one, and they used to look 0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:48.440 at me like fucking granddad. And I was thirty six, 0:16:49.360 --> 0:16:52.280 and I go, do you remember how fucking old I 0:16:52.360 --> 0:16:55.160 was at UNI? And he's like, dudes, you were like granddad, 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:59.680 I'm like, yeah, and now you're forty four, motherfucker. You know, 0:16:59.760 --> 0:17:03.240 it's like, oh yeah, it's like when you're forty four 0:17:03.320 --> 0:17:06.800 thirty six as a baby, when you're my age thirty 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:09.280 six as a fuck? Can you walk yet? You know? 0:17:09.920 --> 0:17:14.040 But when you're like it's all context dependant. But I 0:17:14.040 --> 0:17:16.680 don't know how I got there, but yeah, I think 0:17:17.320 --> 0:17:22.000 being able to understand how you're experienced by others, which 0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:26.399 is why I've been fascinated with this topic, and using 0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:31.399 that to your advantage and their advantage, is a real 0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:34.480 sign of social intelligence. Yeah. 0:17:35.040 --> 0:17:38.360 And I also think I think very deeply about how 0:17:38.400 --> 0:17:43.320 we understand just our own reasons and behaviors and choices, 0:17:44.920 --> 0:17:51.000 like understanding the sacrifices we make, understanding the psychological and 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:56.640 emotional and biological outcomes, the processes that take place when 0:17:56.640 --> 0:17:59.280 we live a certain way and do a certain thing. 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:04.119 Yeah, I was talking about Sorry. 0:18:04.119 --> 0:18:06.600 I was talking to someone on their show just before 0:18:06.640 --> 0:18:10.639 this about last year for me and that whole identity piece, 0:18:11.000 --> 0:18:16.320 Like last year I had to stop training and boxing 0:18:16.359 --> 0:18:19.159 the way I was because bodied in cope. But in 0:18:19.200 --> 0:18:21.720 the same year that was the start of that year 0:18:22.960 --> 0:18:26.280 or the year before the Boxer album was released. So 0:18:27.160 --> 0:18:29.879 as a trainer, I'm in the gym training a lot 0:18:29.920 --> 0:18:31.919 of people to box, my favorite sport. I do it 0:18:31.960 --> 0:18:35.159 as a pastime. I tell stories about it as a 0:18:35.200 --> 0:18:38.320 speaker because I got so much personal growth out of it, 0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:41.879 and then I had this experience that relabeled me with 0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:46.040 that and I always want to step back and experience 0:18:46.240 --> 0:18:50.080 those outcomes and lessons and that growth. But at the 0:18:50.080 --> 0:18:54.560 same time, I realized the sacrifice, the sacrifice not only 0:18:55.359 --> 0:19:00.760 to my brain with the impact of getting punched, sacrifice 0:19:00.760 --> 0:19:04.560 to my energy, but the sacrifice too, well, it's beautiful. 0:19:04.560 --> 0:19:07.080 You get all those growth and lessons. Yeah, and people 0:19:07.200 --> 0:19:10.760 say these things and you get this level of significance 0:19:10.760 --> 0:19:13.040 because I do this and I'm different because chicks don't 0:19:13.040 --> 0:19:15.000 do that. There's still that I tell that story as 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:16.800 to why I started, but there's still a bit of 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:22.160 that there. Yeah, But then realizing well, how yeah, it'd 0:19:22.200 --> 0:19:24.360 be amazing. I want to go do that. But then 0:19:24.840 --> 0:19:27.520 at the end of that, when you walk away from 0:19:27.520 --> 0:19:31.280 it and the dopamine dies down and you don't grow anymore, 0:19:31.680 --> 0:19:37.280 what have you sacrificed. You've sacrificed real relationships and serotonin 0:19:37.440 --> 0:19:40.920 and experiences and having the energy to go and see 0:19:40.920 --> 0:19:44.240 the world and to do a bunch of things because 0:19:44.240 --> 0:19:48.400 I've bought into an identity because it was driven by 0:19:48.400 --> 0:19:50.320 a set of things under the surface. 0:19:51.680 --> 0:19:55.680 Yeah, that's insightful. I think sometimes you don't know whether 0:19:56.760 --> 0:20:00.240 the juice is worth the squeeze until later, you know. 0:20:00.560 --> 0:20:04.040 Sometimes like one of the costs of doing a PhD 0:20:04.160 --> 0:20:09.480 has been doing less business, doing less gigs, doing you know, 0:20:09.560 --> 0:20:13.840 like I've pretty much done zero or very little coaching. 0:20:16.320 --> 0:20:17.800 You know, I still help a few people with a 0:20:17.840 --> 0:20:21.600 few things. But but you go, Okay, this this PhD, 0:20:21.880 --> 0:20:25.080 I won't name the number, but this, like I know, financially, 0:20:25.119 --> 0:20:32.080 how much this PhD has essentially cost me. I'm like, okay, 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:35.640 you know, like everything, whether or not it's a pair 0:20:35.680 --> 0:20:38.560 of shoes. Like if you went out and you know 0:20:38.600 --> 0:20:40.360 you were going to get some runners, I would think 0:20:40.400 --> 0:20:42.840 I would assume for you, runners are your if we 0:20:42.920 --> 0:20:46.520 factor in all the variables, runners are probably your favorite shoe. Right, 0:20:47.320 --> 0:20:49.480 I'm sure you wouldn't wear them to you know, a 0:20:49.520 --> 0:20:52.840 fucking ball, But and so I could if you went out, 0:20:54.040 --> 0:20:55.680 if you went out and there was an amazing pair 0:20:55.720 --> 0:20:58.800 of runners, like fucking incredible, and now one hundred and 0:20:58.800 --> 0:21:02.399 fifty bucks even by two, you know, because you go, 0:21:02.880 --> 0:21:05.600 that's not cheap. But it's cheap for these. You know, 0:21:05.680 --> 0:21:10.439 it's cheap for these. But if the same runners, like 0:21:10.520 --> 0:21:13.119 you want the runners, you know they're great, you have 0:21:14.080 --> 0:21:17.240 you know, you would like they're a good product, blah 0:21:17.240 --> 0:21:19.680 blah blah blah blah. But if there was seven hundred dollars, 0:21:19.720 --> 0:21:22.520 you're like, fucking no way, I'm not buying seven hundred. 0:21:22.520 --> 0:21:24.640 Doesn't matter, they could be fucking magic. I'm not buying 0:21:24.680 --> 0:21:29.359 seven hundred dollars runners. And the thing is that we 0:21:29.520 --> 0:21:33.280 have a like a line in the sand number or 0:21:34.160 --> 0:21:39.399 level of commitment that we're willing to invest. You know. 0:21:40.080 --> 0:21:43.240 It's like, well, Craig, if you weren't willing to give 0:21:43.320 --> 0:21:46.040 up this potential money and all of this time, and 0:21:46.080 --> 0:21:49.239 then you wouldn't have done it. And so now you know, 0:21:49.359 --> 0:21:53.400 at the precipice of submitting my PhD, I look back 0:21:53.440 --> 0:21:58.240 and I go, was that a good investment? And for 0:21:58.359 --> 0:22:02.960 me the answer is yes, But it for some people 0:22:03.000 --> 0:22:06.000 it would have been the worst investment. Like it depends 0:22:06.040 --> 0:22:09.399 how you frame it and through which lens or what 0:22:09.680 --> 0:22:15.120 metric you are establishing the value of a thing. You know, 0:22:15.320 --> 0:22:18.720 So I would rather and I've said this before, but 0:22:19.440 --> 0:22:22.399 if you said you could go to rod Laverna tonight 0:22:22.480 --> 0:22:26.200 and talk for two hours to ten thousand people for free, 0:22:26.960 --> 0:22:29.359 but you can talk to ten thousand people live and 0:22:29.400 --> 0:22:32.359 say whatever you whatever you want, like you can just 0:22:32.400 --> 0:22:35.720 go do your thing, or you can do a gig 0:22:35.760 --> 0:22:38.640 over the road to one hundred people for ten thousand dollars. 0:22:39.119 --> 0:22:43.000 I would definitely take the free option. Now most people 0:22:43.080 --> 0:22:46.119 would take option two, which I think for most people 0:22:46.200 --> 0:22:49.760 is probably the smartest option for a range of reasons. 0:22:50.359 --> 0:22:53.959 And I'm definitely not rich, but that's probably not going 0:22:54.040 --> 0:22:57.200 to transform my life that ten thousand dollars. You know, 0:22:57.640 --> 0:23:00.159 it's definitely a lot of money. I acknowledge that all that, 0:23:01.400 --> 0:23:06.160 but right now I value connecting with people, teaching, coaching, 0:23:06.359 --> 0:23:10.320 being able to interact with really big audiences. I just 0:23:10.440 --> 0:23:12.719 value that more than the money I get for it. 0:23:13.359 --> 0:23:15.239 You know, there was a time where it was all 0:23:15.240 --> 0:23:18.080 about the money, not all about the money, but it 0:23:18.119 --> 0:23:20.119 was more about the money because I had no fucking money, 0:23:20.600 --> 0:23:22.280