WEBVTT - 259. Shame-Free Fantasies: Should You Explore Them? 0:00:05.921 --> 0:00:13.241 Appogiae Production. Welcome to the Sheep Risers Podcast. I'm Ashy 0:00:13.281 --> 0:00:16.881 and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment. 0:00:16.441 --> 0:00:19.160 And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most 0:00:19.201 --> 0:00:20.800 authentic version of yourself. 0:00:20.961 --> 0:00:23.281 We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level. 0:00:23.321 --> 0:00:25.641 We're gonna laugh and cry and talk about the topics 0:00:25.881 --> 0:00:27.801 everyone else is too afraid to talk about. 0:00:28.401 --> 0:00:30.761 Get ready for your next level of self. 0:00:32.601 --> 0:00:34.400 When I asked you, if you hear other people talk 0:00:34.441 --> 0:00:36.601 about anal, does it help you soften? Because for me 0:00:36.641 --> 0:00:40.001 it does. If I ever hear someone talk about threesomes 0:00:40.040 --> 0:00:42.440 and experiences, the hard makes it feel so normal then, 0:00:42.641 --> 0:00:44.560 because they're so freely about it, I'm like, Oh, it's 0:00:44.561 --> 0:00:46.681 not so naughty. Yes, everyone does this, like in a 0:00:46.721 --> 0:00:49.720 group setting, once one person opens up, everyone else has 0:00:49.721 --> 0:00:51.480 got stories to them, like, oh, this is so much 0:00:51.521 --> 0:00:53.321 more common than what people think. That's so true. You 0:00:53.480 --> 0:00:54.240 just don't talk about it. 0:00:54.241 --> 0:00:54.921 That's very true. 0:00:54.921 --> 0:00:57.281 So it's not so naughty. It's just them exploring the sexuality. 0:00:57.281 --> 0:00:59.441 It's just them having fun. It's just got a sex 0:00:59.481 --> 0:01:02.441 toy in human form, Like it's normalized it. Yeah, it 0:01:02.441 --> 0:01:04.561 doesn't seem as naughty. When people talk about. 0:01:04.361 --> 0:01:06.961 It, not ad, it's just that people don't talk about it. Yes, 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:09.081 the people are doing it, that's whether she just wouldn't 0:01:09.081 --> 0:01:11.321 know about it. I think that you're alone in it 0:01:11.521 --> 0:01:14.961 because you're not having the conversation. Yeah, even the conversations 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:18.361 we've had open conversation around anything that we'd want to explore, 0:01:18.441 --> 0:01:21.121 open to what we wouldn't be open to. Even that 0:01:21.200 --> 0:01:24.361 normalized it. Yes for us, I did like just having 0:01:24.360 --> 0:01:26.801 the open dialogue and being like, would we explore this? 0:01:26.920 --> 0:01:29.200 Probably not? But do we want to talk about it? Absolutely? 0:01:29.321 --> 0:01:32.720 Do we fantasize about it? Absolutely? Are we going to 0:01:32.761 --> 0:01:36.360 do it? Do I have the balls? No? Do I 0:01:36.360 --> 0:01:39.280 have dreams about it? Yes? Yeah, let's talk about dreams 0:01:39.441 --> 0:01:41.121 because I love talking about sex dreams. 0:01:41.161 --> 0:01:41.681 Oh my gosh. 0:01:41.761 --> 0:01:44.481 A couple of like, oh maybe like six months ago, 0:01:44.681 --> 0:01:46.880 Steve he asked me, I had had this sex dream 0:01:46.881 --> 0:01:48.800 about I don't know who he was, but he was hot. 0:01:49.201 --> 0:01:50.681 We did end up having sex in the dream, and 0:01:50.721 --> 0:01:52.841 I was devastated. Anyway, the next night Steve had a 0:01:52.881 --> 0:01:56.081 dream about this girl. Oh wow, oh wow. Yes. My 0:01:56.161 --> 0:01:59.681 reaction to like, who is this motherfucker? It was like 0:01:59.721 --> 0:02:01.601 a healthy jealousy I was like, tell me about her. 0:02:01.961 --> 0:02:04.841 She was like brunette, and he said she was smoking hot. 0:02:05.081 --> 0:02:07.041 And then he was like, we just fucked all night. 0:02:07.081 --> 0:02:10.481 And I was like, oh my goodness. And I got 0:02:10.481 --> 0:02:12.721 a bit jealous, but like laughing because it's a dream. Like, 0:02:12.801 --> 0:02:14.800 it's a dream. He hasn't done anything wrong. Yeah, he 0:02:14.881 --> 0:02:18.960 had the same dream four nights in a row. I'm like, okay, 0:02:19.121 --> 0:02:22.121 this is reoccurring. I was like, how have you scrolled 0:02:22.161 --> 0:02:24.761 on Instagram and this gorgeous brunettes popped out? And now 0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:27.721 she's in your subconscious He's like, honestly, babe, I would 0:02:27.721 --> 0:02:29.641 tell you if that happened, if it was like, what 0:02:29.721 --> 0:02:31.881 was the name? Oh my god, he's obsessed with her. 0:02:32.161 --> 0:02:33.681 If it was her, he goes, I would just tell you, 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:35.601 you know. Yeah. He's like, it's no one I've ever 0:02:35.641 --> 0:02:37.881 seen before. Yeah, but I could describe to you what 0:02:38.001 --> 0:02:40.761 she looks like. I don't need the details, babe. Yeah, 0:02:40.761 --> 0:02:42.400 Like that's enough. But to me, that was like, oh, 0:02:42.441 --> 0:02:44.560 this feels a bit naughty. And when I wake up 0:02:44.601 --> 0:02:47.801 from a dream of having sex with someone else, I 0:02:47.841 --> 0:02:50.240 feel so guilty. Yeah, that feels really naughty to me 0:02:50.281 --> 0:02:53.161 because I wake up I'm liked. Yeah, it makes you 0:02:53.361 --> 0:02:55.680 like you've done something. I don't have an orgasm, am 0:02:55.680 --> 0:02:58.121 I wet? Okay, I'm good. How do you like that? 0:02:58.281 --> 0:03:01.240 I don't know, don't like it? I think so so good. 0:03:01.361 --> 0:03:05.081 So he's like, was I there? No? Yeah, like that 0:03:05.161 --> 0:03:07.481 kind of stuff feels naughty, but like fun. 0:03:07.401 --> 0:03:10.241 Isn't it funny though when that happens. I've had that before, 0:03:10.481 --> 0:03:13.041 feeling guilty after having a moment like that, because you do, 0:03:13.121 --> 0:03:15.681 you feel like it's almost like a guilty conscience, Like 0:03:15.800 --> 0:03:17.441 I know I haven't physically done anything. 0:03:17.520 --> 0:03:23.201 Yeah, but my psyche is running. Yeah, it just feels edgy. 0:03:23.281 --> 0:03:27.001 It does feel edgy and a bit naughty. Yeah. Yeah, 0:03:27.081 --> 0:03:29.120 So we had a DM come through. She wanted to 0:03:29.201 --> 0:03:32.481 know how to uncover what is worth exploring with fantasies 0:03:32.841 --> 0:03:35.921 and what's worth leaving as a fantasy only. I think 0:03:35.961 --> 0:03:38.641 it's up to the individual. Yeah, but I do love 0:03:39.361 --> 0:03:42.440 talking about fantasies with Steve because some of them are 0:03:42.561 --> 0:03:42.841 just that. 0:03:43.161 --> 0:03:43.401 Yeah. 0:03:43.521 --> 0:03:46.041 Like sometimes I'm like, oh, that sounds so hot and sexy. 0:03:46.121 --> 0:03:47.681 Or'll see something in a movie and he's like, is 0:03:47.721 --> 0:03:49.801 that something you want to do? Like, oh, hell no, 0:03:50.161 --> 0:03:51.881 not for me, Like I don't want to have a 0:03:51.881 --> 0:03:54.561 mass orgy, but this movie seems really sexy right now. 0:03:54.601 --> 0:03:56.641 But no, way, that's not for me. I don't want 0:03:56.641 --> 0:03:58.761 to be in a room with ten people having sex 0:03:58.841 --> 0:04:01.321 like that. No, that's not for me. But the movie 0:04:01.361 --> 0:04:02.201 scenems enjoyable. 0:04:02.281 --> 0:04:02.481 Yeah. 0:04:02.601 --> 0:04:04.401 So, yeah, it's a little bit of a fantasy. But 0:04:04.521 --> 0:04:05.961 I don't act you think I would ever want to 0:04:05.961 --> 0:04:08.121 go through with that or even entertain that. Yeah. I 0:04:08.121 --> 0:04:10.881 think it's up to the individual. If you feel like 0:04:10.921 --> 0:04:13.761 that's actually something you would like to try, then I 0:04:13.761 --> 0:04:16.121 think that's okay to explore that fantasy. Yeah. 0:04:16.201 --> 0:04:18.081 I think what you just said is so true. It 0:04:18.121 --> 0:04:21.561 really is so uniquely independent on the individual, and also 0:04:22.081 --> 0:04:25.080 depends on how you feel about it yourself, because like 0:04:25.401 --> 0:04:27.520 you could maybe watch something like what you just said 0:04:27.561 --> 0:04:29.081 and be like, oh, I really enjoyed that, but in 0:04:29.121 --> 0:04:31.080 real life be like no, Or you could really watch 0:04:31.081 --> 0:04:33.441 it and be like I feel like I shouldn't do that, 0:04:33.641 --> 0:04:35.161 but I want to do, you know what I mean. 0:04:35.161 --> 0:04:36.681 So it depends on the shame around it. 0:04:36.761 --> 0:04:39.200 Yeah, it depends how you feel about it, what feels 0:04:39.241 --> 0:04:42.880 safe to do, what feels safe to explore, whether you 0:04:43.121 --> 0:04:45.321 feel like you have people safe enough to do those 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:47.561 things with, Like, I feel like there's so many different 0:04:48.281 --> 0:04:50.241 parts to that to consider. 0:04:49.921 --> 0:04:51.760 And you've got to be honest with yourself. Like, let's 0:04:51.841 --> 0:04:54.481 use that situation if as an example, if you watch 0:04:54.761 --> 0:04:57.440 an orgio threasm or something on TV and you're like, oh, 0:04:57.921 --> 0:05:00.401 that would be really fun. Oh no, no, I don't 0:05:00.401 --> 0:05:02.520 want to do that. Is that truth for you? Or 0:05:02.521 --> 0:05:03.801 do you not want to do it because you're scared 0:05:03.801 --> 0:05:05.400 of what your husband might think of you, scared of 0:05:05.401 --> 0:05:07.401 what your friends will say, You're scared that you won't 0:05:07.401 --> 0:05:09.320 be accepted, or you're scared you'll be shamed about it. 0:05:09.561 --> 0:05:11.361 You're going to shame yourself for it. Have you told 0:05:11.401 --> 0:05:13.921 yourself that that's dirty? Or do you actually just not 0:05:14.001 --> 0:05:15.441 want to do it because it means there's no shame 0:05:15.481 --> 0:05:17.481 around it. I don't want to have an orgy, Yes, 0:05:17.761 --> 0:05:19.681 I just know that's not for me. Yeah, but for 0:05:19.721 --> 0:05:22.841 other people it might be fine. So it's very personal preference. Yeah, 0:05:22.921 --> 0:05:23.760 personal preference. 0:05:24.401 --> 0:05:26.281 So that's a hard question to answer because it really 0:05:26.361 --> 0:05:29.441 is the only person who can really answer that is you, Yes, 0:05:29.601 --> 0:05:32.001 you know, for you specifically, because even for the woman 0:05:32.041 --> 0:05:34.041 who DMS, like, we don't have context of what her 0:05:34.081 --> 0:05:38.241 personal fantasies are, what her desires are, what her intimacy 0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:40.320 level is, like you know those sorts of things that 0:05:40.361 --> 0:05:41.441 we don't know those things. 0:05:41.281 --> 0:05:43.201 At least that's a good example. So for me, I 0:05:43.281 --> 0:05:45.121 clearly know I do not want to have an orgy. 0:05:45.361 --> 0:05:48.241 But say, there's a show called I've shared on here before. 0:05:48.281 --> 0:05:50.281 It was like me, you and her, I think it was, 0:05:50.320 --> 0:05:52.601 and it was about a throtle relationship. I don't want 0:05:52.601 --> 0:05:55.960 to thruple relationship, but I loved the dynamic of another girl. 0:05:56.121 --> 0:05:58.721 It was really playful and fun, and I haven't really 0:05:58.721 --> 0:06:01.440 explored with the girl, but I'm maybe a little bit 0:06:01.440 --> 0:06:03.561 more curious on that. Whereas an orgy is a hell 0:06:03.601 --> 0:06:05.801 no for me, there was definitely a bit of a 0:06:05.841 --> 0:06:08.601 fancy and curiosity with another woman, yeah and Steve, but 0:06:09.241 --> 0:06:11.441 an orgy is the hell no for me. So there's 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:13.880 just two different examples of what we left as like, oh, 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:17.160 that's hot to watch on TV compared to oh maybe 0:06:17.161 --> 0:06:19.200 one day yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:06:19.320 --> 0:06:20.841 See it's funny when you say that, And when I've 0:06:20.880 --> 0:06:23.400 heard friends of ours who have been in relationships with 0:06:23.401 --> 0:06:25.961 a thropple, I'm like, oh my god, I'm so curious 0:06:26.041 --> 0:06:27.761 about that. But then when I think about me being 0:06:27.761 --> 0:06:30.241 in that, I'm like, I'm way too jealousy. Shit, I'm like, 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:32.081 I just would not be a good partner because I'm like, 0:06:32.161 --> 0:06:35.801 I already have jealousy traits and like natural insecurity is 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:39.161 just like anyone, and sometimes it can be quite strong, 0:06:39.201 --> 0:06:41.361 my jealousy. So I'm like, I imagine having to do 0:06:41.401 --> 0:06:44.601 it with three people instead of like being an intimate. 0:06:45.041 --> 0:06:47.921 You know, if there's ever anything that does pop into 0:06:47.961 --> 0:06:51.441 my mind, they're usually fleeting moments, yeah, of like fantasies 0:06:51.561 --> 0:06:54.161 or things that I might want to experience, or you know, 0:06:54.241 --> 0:06:55.960 even thoughts of being like, oh would I want to 0:06:56.001 --> 0:06:57.960 explore that with him one day in the future, you know, 0:06:58.001 --> 0:07:00.681 and then it's just a fleeting thought. Yeah. 0:07:00.841 --> 0:07:03.481 What about when you were single verse in a relationship. 0:07:03.521 --> 0:07:05.041 I can't really speak on this because I've been single 0:07:05.161 --> 0:07:07.880 since I was freaking like eighteen, But did you have 0:07:08.121 --> 0:07:11.121 naughtier thoughts or different fantasies when you're single compared to 0:07:11.161 --> 0:07:14.441 when you're in a relationship. Yes, yeah, absolutely, Okay. 0:07:14.321 --> 0:07:16.321 Yeah, so I would say that the fantasy is are 0:07:16.361 --> 0:07:17.201 more frequent. 0:07:16.841 --> 0:07:19.241 When I'm single. Yes, that would make more sense. You'll 0:07:19.281 --> 0:07:19.801 think a bad. 0:07:19.841 --> 0:07:22.201 It's like when I'm single, it's more of like a 0:07:22.241 --> 0:07:25.761 fantasy things that I hear that I read, you know, 0:07:25.801 --> 0:07:27.721 It's like the Dynamics and the smart books and stuff 0:07:27.761 --> 0:07:29.641 like that, where I'm like, well, that'd be fun. But 0:07:29.641 --> 0:07:32.041 because I don't have that in my close immediate so 0:07:32.241 --> 0:07:33.841 I'm like, oh, I wonder what that would be like. 0:07:33.881 --> 0:07:36.201 So there's a lot more curiosity when I'm single. Makes 0:07:36.281 --> 0:07:38.160 so much sense, But I also never had the balls 0:07:38.201 --> 0:07:39.241 to explore. 0:07:38.841 --> 0:07:40.921 Stuff like that and the taste for it, I suppose 0:07:40.961 --> 0:07:43.241 because when you're in a relationship, you are satisfied in 0:07:43.281 --> 0:07:45.401 getting so many needs met. Yes, you don't really look 0:07:45.441 --> 0:07:48.641 outside of that, whereas when you're single, it's like fucking 0:07:48.641 --> 0:07:50.521 the world's my oyster. Yeah, I can do anything I 0:07:50.561 --> 0:07:52.761 want with whoever I want, Like literally, what do I 0:07:52.761 --> 0:07:53.361 feel like today? 0:07:53.481 --> 0:07:55.641 But I totally didn't even do that. Like for me, 0:07:55.641 --> 0:07:57.681 I've always wanted to be in a relationship or have 0:07:57.721 --> 0:08:00.081 an emotional connection with somebody before I do that stuff. 0:08:00.121 --> 0:08:02.041 And it's not shaming anybody who does otherwise. 0:08:02.201 --> 0:08:03.881 But you still have the fantasies about it. I still 0:08:03.881 --> 0:08:06.201 had the fantasies about it. That's all We're talking about 0:08:06.201 --> 0:08:09.761 supposed it's more naughty thoughts. Yeah, not necessarily actions, It 0:08:09.881 --> 0:08:11.961 was just like the thought went there. Oh, the thoughts 0:08:11.961 --> 0:08:14.441 definitely went there. Yeah, Yeah, that's cool. 0:08:14.641 --> 0:08:16.041 Coming back to what you were saying about, like the 0:08:16.081 --> 0:08:19.641 sex parties and stuff like speaking of like naughty connotations 0:08:19.681 --> 0:08:21.881 around the word naughty. I always used to think that 0:08:21.881 --> 0:08:24.840 that was quite naughty. But I remember thinking and feeling 0:08:25.161 --> 0:08:28.881 when I was younger, wanting to explore that, but almost 0:08:29.561 --> 0:08:32.201 like feeling like I shouldn't. Like it was like that, oh, no, 0:08:32.241 --> 0:08:33.601 you're not allowed to do this because what if people 0:08:33.681 --> 0:08:35.681 judge you? Yeah, you know, But there was always a 0:08:35.681 --> 0:08:38.601 curiosity there of just wanting to experience it, even just 0:08:38.681 --> 0:08:41.481 once to just be like I wonder, I wonder what 0:08:41.481 --> 0:08:43.561 it looks like because I've never seen it. I can't 0:08:43.601 --> 0:08:46.041 fathom what it looks like. Not that i'd even like 0:08:46.081 --> 0:08:48.281 play or interact or any of that stuff. It's always 0:08:48.361 --> 0:08:51.081 just been a curiosity. I've been quite a curious moment 0:08:51.121 --> 0:08:53.241 from a young age. Like I started self pleasuring at 0:08:53.281 --> 0:08:55.681 a young age because I'm just so curious about my 0:08:55.681 --> 0:08:58.641 body and learning things and feeling things. Yeah, you know, 0:08:58.761 --> 0:09:00.441 so that kind of like has rolled on as an 0:09:00.441 --> 0:09:03.521 adult and yeah, I just remember thinking around those things, 0:09:03.521 --> 0:09:05.681 like I would wonder what it feels like to be 0:09:05.761 --> 0:09:06.601 in that environment. 0:09:06.681 --> 0:09:08.921 I can't imagine. Yeah, Like, is it like the movies 0:09:09.001 --> 0:09:10.761 reereyone puts their key? Oh no, that'd be swing, wouldn't 0:09:10.881 --> 0:09:12.121 They put their keys in a bowl and then they 0:09:12.121 --> 0:09:14.041 pick out another key, and whoever's keys that is they 0:09:14.041 --> 0:09:16.921 have to go with that partner they switch partners. Yeah, yeah, 0:09:16.961 --> 0:09:18.801 but that's not a sex party, is it. I'm getting 0:09:18.841 --> 0:09:20.001 a sex party is different. 0:09:20.041 --> 0:09:21.961 I think that would be a swingers much about it? 0:09:22.161 --> 0:09:22.401 Really? 0:09:22.441 --> 0:09:25.401 Really heard of a friend of a friend who's been like, 0:09:25.441 --> 0:09:28.121 I don't even know anyone that's been, No, neither have I. 0:09:28.201 --> 0:09:30.161 We need to get something on. Yeah, I know, if 0:09:30.161 --> 0:09:32.001 anyone's listening, you've been to a sex party. 0:09:32.041 --> 0:09:35.121 And you know as well, even with this conversation, for 0:09:35.201 --> 0:09:38.201 anyone who's like potentially listening and maybe even getting triggered 0:09:38.201 --> 0:09:40.641 at the topics that we're talking about. This is supposed 0:09:40.681 --> 0:09:42.561 to be a place where we come and we open 0:09:42.681 --> 0:09:45.161 up the floor to anything to be scared about. 0:09:45.241 --> 0:09:46.561 We don't even know what we're talking about here. 0:09:46.801 --> 0:09:48.641 Yeah, I don't know about a sex No, I'm like, 0:09:48.681 --> 0:09:50.681 we have no idea, but it's just that nothing is 0:09:50.681 --> 0:09:53.161 off limits when we open up this conversation. We do 0:09:53.201 --> 0:09:54.961 that in our friendship, we do that on the podcast, 0:09:55.041 --> 0:09:57.481 like we want to create that space for you to 0:09:57.601 --> 0:10:00.521 know that nothing is off limits. No you know, it 0:10:00.601 --> 0:10:02.921 just creates a really safe place within yourself and also 0:10:02.961 --> 0:10:05.561 here with us that you know you can or anything 0:10:05.561 --> 0:10:07.641 that's coming up for you in the moment without needing 0:10:07.641 --> 0:10:09.081 to make it wrong exactly. 0:10:09.161 --> 0:10:11.241 And one of our words this year is curiosity, like 0:10:11.321 --> 0:10:13.841 always to leave. Curiosity is like poppets on your mind 0:10:13.921 --> 0:10:16.201 or you're curious about it, research it, look it up, 0:10:16.281 --> 0:10:19.321 flock people, ask questions, try things like you should get 0:10:19.321 --> 0:10:20.481 one life, delive it.