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Speaker 1: Apoge Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy

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Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment.

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Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most

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Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.

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Speaker 3: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.

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Speaker 3: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone

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Speaker 3: else is too afraid to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Get ready for your next level of self.

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Speaker 3: Welcome back to sher Rises. If you are new here,

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Speaker 3: welcome to the fan. We are your two online besties.

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Speaker 3: We come out every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. And today's

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Speaker 3: episode it's all about how nice girls really had a

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Speaker 3: lot of internal work to do, and we're going to

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Speaker 3: talk about why absolute very common in today's society.

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Speaker 1: It is, and you.

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Speaker 2: Know, it's funny, like a lot of people get like

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Speaker 2: the misconception around nice girls is that, oh my.

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Speaker 1: Gosh, she's so sweet and she's so lovely and she's

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Speaker 1: so this.

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Speaker 2: But also there is duality to everything, right, so what

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Speaker 2: is nice can also be very fiery. And the interesting

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Speaker 2: thing is like when we present one way, it's like

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Speaker 2: where do all the other parts of ourselves go?

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Speaker 1: Nowhere? They're inside nowhere.

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Speaker 2: They're inside and they boil and they boil and they

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Speaker 2: build to the top, and then all of a sudden

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Speaker 2: you're getting daggers from like, you know, passive aggressive hints

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Speaker 2: and all the things. And it's interesting because we have

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Speaker 2: I really do believe this comes from a lot of

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Speaker 2: our conditioning.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: We are taught as women to be the nice girl

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Speaker 2: and to present ourselves a certain way and not rock

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Speaker 2: the boat and don't have an opinion, and don't be

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Speaker 2: too loud, and you know, don't have too much emotion

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Speaker 2: or too much fire because we want to contain that.

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Speaker 2: And so the nice girl mold keeps us in this

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Speaker 2: contained way that we can kind of be almost controlled

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Speaker 2: a little bit. Yeah, but it also keeps us very

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Speaker 2: disconnected from ourselves too.

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Speaker 1: And inter relationships. Absolutely. So who is the nice girl?

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Speaker 3: Because I'm sure you all know one, or maybe as

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Speaker 3: you're listening to this, you're the nice girl. It's the

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Speaker 3: girl that always says yes, it's those girls.

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Speaker 1: It's like, Hi, how you going, no problems, don't worry

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Speaker 1: about me, Oh my gosh, yes, yes, yes, I agree,

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Speaker 1: I agree. No opinions.

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Speaker 3: You don't stand up for what you're believing, Like you said,

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Speaker 3: you don't want to rock the boat. And at the

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Speaker 3: end of the day, this will never create deep connected relationships.

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Speaker 3: In fact, it actually does a complete opposite. It's like

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Speaker 3: this invisible wall of people actually seeing who you are,

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Speaker 3: and you're doing this probably from a good place, like

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Speaker 3: you actually want to be the nice girl you'd be

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Speaker 3: when people talk about you. You want people to say,

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Speaker 3: oh my gosh, she's so nice, like she's so cruisy,

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Speaker 3: she goes along with anything like, oh my gosh, yes,

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Speaker 3: she's just a really lovely person. But at the end

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Speaker 3: of the day, we always talk about how every single

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Speaker 3: person has so many sides to them. Yes, you can

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Speaker 3: be nice, you can be kind, but you can also

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Speaker 3: be bitchy and brady. And it's like, when you don't

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Speaker 3: allow yourself to be all of those things and actually

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Speaker 3: be authentic with how you're feeling in your life, it's

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Speaker 3: going to come out later on. It's going to blow up.

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Speaker 3: It's going to break down relationships. It's going to come

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Speaker 3: out in snappiness or passive aggressiveness, just ways that are

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Speaker 3: really unproductive and really damaging to your relationships. And we're

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Speaker 3: all about preventing relationship breakdowns, which requires you to be

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Speaker 3: your authentic self from the very beginning.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, And this is also a conversation as well, Like

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Speaker 2: I wanted to first say as well, Like, the reason

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Speaker 2: why we want to have this conversation is because, like

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Speaker 2: I used to be that girl, you know, I used

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Speaker 2: to be the nice girl who would overcompensate and try

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Speaker 2: to be overly selfless because I thought it made me

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Speaker 2: look better and I get more love and I get

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Speaker 2: more love. Yeah, it was about preserving the way that

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Speaker 2: other people saw me.

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Speaker 1: No, it's gonna be bit angry at you.

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Speaker 2: No, and always making sure that I could prevent conflict

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Speaker 2: and things like that, and make sure that I was

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Speaker 2: never threatening my relationship with people so that people wouldn't leave.

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Speaker 2: But the reality of that is it actually works backwards.

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Speaker 2: It does the opposite effect because when you're connecting with

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Speaker 2: people and you're being somebody who is not true to

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Speaker 2: what you actually think, feel and believe, you were going

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Speaker 2: to get a very different outcome because when you are

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Speaker 2: not yourself, you're actually building an inauthentic relationship with somebody

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Speaker 2: who thinks you are one way, and then all of

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Speaker 2: a sudden, you start to show different sides to yourself

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Speaker 2: and they get a shock. Yeah, they're like a prime

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Speaker 2: is this whoa, You're a bit more fiery than I thought. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but it's because you were scared to show that part

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Speaker 2: of yourself in the beginning. And I think what's cool

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Speaker 2: about when you can, I say, for me, when I

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Speaker 2: can recognize this in myself, I can see this in

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Speaker 2: other people. And I think that's the beauty of this

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Speaker 2: work is whatever you have and whatever wounds you have,

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Speaker 2: you can actually see them in other people, so you

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Speaker 2: can have a lot more compassion for when other people

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Speaker 2: do understanding. And so the beautiful thing about this is

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Speaker 2: we want to kind of help you understand where this

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Speaker 2: is showing up for you and where it's coming out

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Speaker 2: for you, so that you can kind of clock those

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Speaker 2: behaviors and start actually building more authentic relationships, because at

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Speaker 2: the end of the day, you cannot build the kind

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Speaker 2: of connections that you want and crave if you are

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Speaker 2: not being yourself. Definitely, and that means sometimes being okay

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Speaker 2: rocking the boat, and it means being okay sharing your opinion,

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Speaker 2: disappointing people, absolutely standing up for yourself, putting yourself first,

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Speaker 2: putting your own needs first, being willing to be quote

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Speaker 2: unquote selfish in a healthy way so that you can

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Speaker 2: be true to yourself and actually preserve that relationship. Because

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Speaker 2: we both here can sit here and tell you that

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Speaker 2: anytime that we have abandoned ourselves, it has not made

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Speaker 2: the relationship better. It has actually damaged the relationship because

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Speaker 2: we aren't showing up in our true selves. That person

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Speaker 2: is seeing a part of us that they think is true. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and then it just falls and it collapses.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, potentially being okay with people saying like, oh, she's

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Speaker 3: a bit braddy or gosh's a bit bitchy, or she's

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Speaker 3: a bit that, and they're gonna a bit strict. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: they're gonna say those things. And this doesn't just show

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Speaker 3: up in your intermer relationships either. This can happen at work,

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Speaker 3: in your friendships, in your partnerships. But I remember how

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Speaker 3: this in a working dynamic before, this girl was like

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Speaker 3: super nice, Like that's how people describe her. I described

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Speaker 3: her as that she's just so nice, and in a

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Speaker 3: working relationship, it's also her friendship as well. It was

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Speaker 3: like I would offer to do things and she was like,

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Speaker 3: oh no, I'll just do that. I'm like, well, I

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Speaker 3: can share the load, why don't you do it this time,

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Speaker 3: I do it next time. No, No, I'll just do that.

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Speaker 2: I'll just do that.

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Speaker 3: And she just wanted to overly please and she would

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Speaker 3: have need met because she felt like she was contributing.

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Speaker 3: But over time, when the friendship broke down and the

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Speaker 3: working relationship broke down and it got thrown back in

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Speaker 3: my face, I always had to do all of that,

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Speaker 3: Like you never helped me with this. I had to

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Speaker 3: take on all that load. And I was like, I

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Speaker 3: was more than happy to, but you want to take

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Speaker 3: that on board. But because you wanted to be the

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Speaker 3: nice girl and overgive when you really wanted some help

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Speaker 3: with that, then later on that blew up and doesn't

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Speaker 3: feel good for her or for me.

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Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, And.

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Speaker 3: See how the breakdowns happen when you're not being your

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Speaker 3: authentic itself and actually voicing this is what I do

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Speaker 3: and don't want to do. And that's what we're really

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Speaker 3: really prioritizing. We have from the get goal. It's like,

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Speaker 3: what ever doesn't feel good for us in our working

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Speaker 3: relationship and our friendship we bring forward before it turns

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Speaker 3: into something big. An example for that was I said

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Speaker 3: to Tiana straight away and we were planning all these

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Speaker 3: big goals, so she rises at that moment.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I don't want to manage a team.

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Speaker 3: I really don't want to go back to being the

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Speaker 3: team leader or someone that the point of contact for everyone.

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Speaker 3: I'm happy to contribute, but I just I've done that

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Speaker 3: many times before, and I really don't enjoy that role.

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Speaker 3: Is that something that you'd be willing to take on

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Speaker 3: because I don't want to do it. And if I

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Speaker 3: was to say yes and just do it like I've

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Speaker 3: done it before, yeah, it's all good, I'd be lying

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Speaker 3: to myself. I'm abanning myself in that moment, and I

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Speaker 3: guarantee that it would come up later and it would

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Speaker 3: blow up and it probably end up like cracking wanting

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Speaker 3: to walk away because it would just feel get too much. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: So I wanted to prevent that from happening. And they

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Speaker 3: can be hard conversations to have and scary, because I

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Speaker 3: was scared in that moment that you would feel like

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Speaker 3: it's all on you, or maybe you don't want to

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Speaker 3: do that, or maybe you'd be disappointed that I didn't

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Speaker 3: want to take lead in that because I've got experience. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: all those emotions come up but I'd rather have that

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Speaker 3: hard conversation, get clarity on it, yeah, and preserve our

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Speaker 3: friendship then potentially something happening later on.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I love that and it was beautiful.

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Speaker 2: No, I do remember you feeling a bit nervous to

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Speaker 2: bring that in actually, but no, it was so fine.

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Speaker 2: I was so scared in the moment as well, Like

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Speaker 2: it was something I was like, Babe, that's so fine, Like.

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Speaker 1: I actually want to learn how to do this. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, it's.

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Speaker 2: Something that I've obviously I haven't had experience running a

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Speaker 2: team of more than like three people, but I've always

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Speaker 2: wanted to learn the skills that come with being a

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Speaker 2: team leader.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, Babe, that's fine, I'll do it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but that's cool. Yeah, you know cool.

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Speaker 2: And it is like we're very big and a lot

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Speaker 2: of what we represent actually rises, and also in our

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Speaker 2: personal lives too, is about prevention. Yeah, and when you're

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Speaker 2: trying to be just the nice person all the time,

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Speaker 2: you're not taken into consideration the long term effects of

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Speaker 2: being that, because what you're thinking about is right now,

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Speaker 2: you're thinking about how can I preserve myself in this moment,

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Speaker 2: keep the peace, How can I keep the peace. How

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Speaker 2: can I keep this person happy right now? But not

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Speaker 2: taken into consideration if that happens a hundred times from now,

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Speaker 2: what's going to happen aft the breakdown, because there will

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Speaker 2: be a blow up. It'll be like preserve, preserve, suppress,

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Speaker 2: suppress or press blow up. You know, That's why we

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Speaker 2: think about this and we think about prevention because if

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Speaker 2: we are just now in this moment, our authentic selves,

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Speaker 2: and we go, okay, this is what's truly coming up

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Speaker 2: for us, this is what we truly think, This is

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Speaker 2: our opinion, this is how we feel.

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Speaker 1: Okay, cool. No resentment is going.

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Speaker 2: To build from here because we're all clear, we're honest,

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Speaker 2: and we both also respect each other for being honest

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Speaker 2: and open in the moment, even if even if it's hard,

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Speaker 2: even if it's hard to hold, even if it feels

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Speaker 2: uncomfortable or it creates a little bit of rockiness. In

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Speaker 2: that moment, we know we're not thinking about right now.

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Speaker 2: We're thinking about the future exactly. And that's the biggest

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Speaker 2: thing in this because there's a huge difference between you know,

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Speaker 2: the conditioning of being a nice girl and action just

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Speaker 2: being a kind human.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I love the way you explain this. I wanted to.

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Speaker 2: Bring this to life because I think sometimes we get

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Speaker 2: it confused.

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Speaker 1: We think being a nice girl is being kind.

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Speaker 2: We think it is, but it's not, because when you're nice,

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Speaker 2: you're trying to please.

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Speaker 1: You're trying to preserve and control the way that people

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Speaker 1: see you. Yes, we're trying to resolve conflict.

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Speaker 2: You're trying to make sure that person likes you still,

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Speaker 2: you know, make sure that person has a good opinion

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Speaker 2: of you, versus being a kind person, which.

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Speaker 1: Is just anything that I do.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to be kind as I do it, and

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Speaker 2: I'm still going to have respect for myself. It's like

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna be kind whilst I also share with you

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Speaker 2: that this is a boundary for me. I'm going to

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Speaker 2: be respectful in the way that I deliver this when

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Speaker 2: I tell you that I don't like what you did,

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Speaker 2: or I'm going to be respectful of you when I

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Speaker 2: share that this is my opinion and this is what

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Speaker 2: I believe about the world. There's a very big difference

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Speaker 2: between trying to be nice and please versus just being

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Speaker 2: a kind hearted human who has respect for yourself and others.

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Speaker 2: And that's the difference it comes from a very different place.

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Speaker 2: And when you are trying to be so nice all

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Speaker 2: the time, the assumption is that being nice is a

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Speaker 2: selfless thing, but it's actually not. Being kind is a

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Speaker 2: way to control. It's a way to control the way

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Speaker 2: that people view you, how people perceive you, what they

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Speaker 2: think of you, how highly they think of you. And

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Speaker 2: it's about creating this perfect persona so that nobody ever

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Speaker 2: has anything bad to say about you. It's a fear

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Speaker 2: of judgment. It's a fear of being ridiculed. It's a

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Speaker 2: fear of being exiled from our.

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Speaker 1: Tribe, people labeling you as a certain way. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, And so we kind of wanted to just break

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Speaker 2: it down because I think there's a certain level, a

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Speaker 2: healthy level of selfishness that we have to learn how

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Speaker 2: to come into as women and be able to hold

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Speaker 2: and be able to hold. And that comes with disappointing people.

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Speaker 2: It comes with not putting everyone above us. It's like

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Speaker 2: that hierarchy that you have. You have to learn how

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Speaker 2: to put yourself at the top without feeling guilty about

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Speaker 2: it and without thinking that you're doing something wrong. Because

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Speaker 2: selfishness is not a bad thing. It's actually just the

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Speaker 2: way that you associate with the word. You might think,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, why a you're so selfish. You know

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Speaker 2: you're in a fight with your partner. Oh my god,

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Speaker 2: you're so selfish. There's a negative connotation around it, when

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Speaker 2: in actual fact, like selfishness is what allows you to

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Speaker 2: prioritize yourself, your mental health, your energy levels, how much

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Speaker 2: you can pour into others, how much more that you

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Speaker 2: have to give, and all of the overflow things that

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Speaker 2: come from you and pour into your loved ones. And

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Speaker 2: I think that's what we need to learn how to

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Speaker 2: do as women, is learn how to hold a healthy

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Speaker 2: amount of selfishness. And that means completely stripping yourself of

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Speaker 2: the nice girl and going, you know what, I'm not

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Speaker 2: just nice. There are other things of me. I'm fiery,

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Speaker 2: I'm braddy, I can be bitchy, I can be demanding

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Speaker 2: at times, I can be opinionated at times, I can

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Speaker 2: be loud at times, the strict, all of the things

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Speaker 2: when not just one thing. And when we try to

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Speaker 2: box ourselves, I promise you you will feel like a

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Speaker 2: watered down version of you. And because you feel like

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Speaker 2: a watered down version of you, you will so hard

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Speaker 2: to find people that you genuinely want to connect with.

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Speaker 3: I love that you brought up all those different traits

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Speaker 3: because I'm sure, as you've said that right now in

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Speaker 3: your life you can think of someone like I can

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Speaker 3: think of people now, like say, my girlfriend Da Dean.

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Speaker 3: She's so fiery, she's so opinionated and so honest, Like,

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Speaker 3: you don't go to her if you're a sensitive Sally

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Speaker 3: like She's going to tell you the absolute truth, exactly

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Speaker 3: what she thinks. She's a truth arees like a fire sign.

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Speaker 3: I love that about her. She is so authentically herself

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Speaker 3: compared to someone that's just like pretending to be nice

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Speaker 3: all the time. You can have those parts about you

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Speaker 3: and the right people will still love every bit about

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Speaker 3: you like it's honestly. What I love about her the

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Speaker 3: most is there is no bullshit I'm going to get

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Speaker 3: exactly authentically in a Dean that so I've been friends

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Speaker 3: for twenty years. If she'd tried to be that nice girl,

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Speaker 3: I don't think our friendship would have last. Like she

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Speaker 3: is who she is at her court, and she never

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Speaker 3: apologizes for it.

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Speaker 1: Oh I'm psylogenetic about it. Truth yeah, yeah, So just.

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Speaker 3: Know that if you're bitchy braddy, loud, strict, bold, opinionated,

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Speaker 3: whatever it is like. You can be all of that

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Speaker 3: and doesn't mean you're a disrespectful person. It doesn't mean

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Speaker 3: you're a mean girl. Doesn't mean you you can't have

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Speaker 3: beautiful friendships. In fact, it's the opposite. You can have

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Speaker 3: all of that and know that you're being loved for

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Speaker 3: who you actually are, not a fake version that you're

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Speaker 3: like putting forward as being just a nice.

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Speaker 2: Girl and when you're pretending like love that you said that,

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Speaker 2: because it feels like you have to limit yourself.

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Speaker 1: Literally, imagine the nice girl. Imagine feeling warring. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: that's exhausting.

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Speaker 2: Do you know how much energy it takes to pretend

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Speaker 2: not to be something then to just be who you are.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's exclaesting.

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Speaker 2: You have to exert energy pretend to not be those things.

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Speaker 2: Imagine sitting in an airbnb with your girlfriends and putting

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Speaker 2: a mask on thank you, Oh my god, so much

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Speaker 2: data and not like actually saying what you fucking think,

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Speaker 2: or being a little bit of a bitch sometimes, or

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Speaker 2: like having something to say and just knowing you can

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Speaker 2: be all of who you are and know that you

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Speaker 2: just won't get canceled. Yes, Like, imagine how it would

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Speaker 2: feel when you have to preserve all of those parts

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Speaker 2: of you.

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Speaker 3: It's like what you just said there, when you are

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Speaker 3: with your girlfriends, how good does it feel? And what

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Speaker 3: a release it is emotionally. So you're going through a

337
00:14:02,121 --> 00:14:04,081
Speaker 3: really hard time in your relationship with a group of

338
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Speaker 3: girlfriends or at work, and you just like have this

339
00:14:06,801 --> 00:14:10,361
Speaker 3: massive bitch, this massive event. You're like, oh my fucking god,

340
00:14:10,441 --> 00:14:11,921
Speaker 3: she said this and I felt this, and then this

341
00:14:12,041 --> 00:14:13,921
Speaker 3: happened and and in the end.

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Speaker 1: You're like, I feel better.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, actually feels so good because you've actually been able

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Speaker 3: to be your authentic self with how you're feeling in

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Speaker 3: that moment. And just because you're having a little bitch

346
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Speaker 3: to your girlfriend's in a safe container, you're not disrespecting

347
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Speaker 3: anyone else in this safe container. You're allowing that to

348
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Speaker 3: just be there. Now it's dissolved. Now you can go

349
00:14:30,761 --> 00:14:33,041
Speaker 3: back doing what you're doing. But if you're holding all

350
00:14:33,161 --> 00:14:35,401
Speaker 3: that in all the time, just saying yes being that

351
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Speaker 3: nice girl, you are gonna feel like you're gonna explode

352
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Speaker 3: at any moment.

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Speaker 1: It's like a ticking time bomb. It really is.

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Speaker 2: It really is what you feel like when you're pretending

355
00:14:43,921 --> 00:14:46,441
Speaker 2: to be the nice girl, you're always dismissing your own experience.

356
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Speaker 2: If you're dismissing your emotions, you're dismissing your experience. You're

357
00:14:50,081 --> 00:14:53,761
Speaker 2: always like justifying other people's behaviors and going, oh, it's okay,

358
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Speaker 2: it's fine.

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Speaker 1: It's not okay. Yeah, it's not okay.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, don't act like it is, because inside you're literally

361
00:14:59,881 --> 00:15:03,201
Speaker 2: learning how to boil inside. And one day someone that

362
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Speaker 2: you love is going to cop the front end of

363
00:15:04,881 --> 00:15:07,241
Speaker 2: that and be your punching bag to all of the

364
00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:09,481
Speaker 2: things that you were suppressing and pretending that you don't

365
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Speaker 2: give a fuck about, and when in actual fact you

366
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Speaker 2: give lots of fuck, you give lots right. So true,

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Speaker 2: it is right because it's always our loved ones who

368
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Speaker 2: cop it. They're always the ones in the front line

369
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Speaker 2: who are around us the most, who cop or catch

370
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Speaker 2: the little glimpses of things that we miss and that

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Speaker 2: we don't address within it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it comes out in little moments too, Like you know,

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Speaker 3: if you're like going out for dinner with a group

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Speaker 3: of friends and it's like, oh, what would you like to.

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Speaker 1: I'm easy, I'm easy. Yeah, it's like, actually, tell me,

376
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Speaker 1: what you want to eat? Yeah? What do you like?

377
00:15:36,281 --> 00:15:39,281
Speaker 1: You're like, Toya, sure, I'm like, would you like steak? Yeah?

378
00:15:39,321 --> 00:15:41,121
Speaker 1: What do you fucking like? I think I've did that

379
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Speaker 1: the other day? What do you like? I did that

380
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Speaker 1: with the accommodation. I was like, I don't care, baby,

381
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Speaker 1: an easy way I stay. And you're like, I know

382
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Speaker 1: she likes to stay in good accommodation. You're not gonna

383
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Speaker 1: like what am I gonna pick's? She's like anxious no, but.

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Speaker 3: Like it comes out in those little moments too, like

385
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Speaker 3: it's also frustrating for the people you're around. So it's

386
00:15:57,041 --> 00:15:59,241
Speaker 3: like they actually care about what you want. So true,

387
00:15:59,281 --> 00:16:00,681
Speaker 3: we care about what you want to eat, we care

388
00:16:00,681 --> 00:16:02,361
Speaker 3: about where you want to stay. We care about whether

389
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Speaker 3: you happy with the decisions we're making as a even like.

390
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Speaker 1: Traveling or something. It's like, you know, we did that

391
00:16:08,361 --> 00:16:09,361
Speaker 1: value your opinion.

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Speaker 2: You know, Meg and I did that with Ash when

393
00:16:11,801 --> 00:16:14,041
Speaker 2: we were over a season Bali and we were as

394
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,041
Speaker 2: she was like, so when do we want to go

395
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:17,201
Speaker 2: for dinner? And me and Meg were both like, oh no, no,

396
00:16:17,241 --> 00:16:19,201
Speaker 2: I don't care. Wherever it's easy, and She's like, pick

397
00:16:19,201 --> 00:16:19,881
Speaker 2: a fucking place.

398
00:16:21,041 --> 00:16:23,281
Speaker 1: I think, like that I do.

399
00:16:23,321 --> 00:16:25,281
Speaker 3: Love choosing food places and the girls know that, and

400
00:16:25,281 --> 00:16:26,721
Speaker 3: I'd picked a lot of places, so I think i'd

401
00:16:26,721 --> 00:16:28,881
Speaker 3: already set that up that I was picking the food places.

402
00:16:29,161 --> 00:16:30,921
Speaker 3: But just that one particular day, I was just kind

403
00:16:30,961 --> 00:16:32,601
Speaker 3: of tapped out, a bit tired. I think I was

404
00:16:32,601 --> 00:16:34,161
Speaker 3: feeling a little under the weather. It's the day I've

405
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,361
Speaker 3: got the ivy ivy, I think, yeah. And then we

406
00:16:36,361 --> 00:16:38,681
Speaker 3: were getting out go Jackson and I was like, what

407
00:16:38,801 --> 00:16:40,121
Speaker 3: do you guys want to eat? And they both like, oh,

408
00:16:40,201 --> 00:16:42,121
Speaker 3: I'm easy, I'm easy. I'm like, well, i'm easy, but

409
00:16:42,121 --> 00:16:43,961
Speaker 3: it does make a decision. I don't want to go

410
00:16:44,001 --> 00:16:46,721
Speaker 3: in age, no sausty moment. I'm like, I'm sorry.

411
00:16:46,761 --> 00:16:47,001
Speaker 1: Girls.

412
00:16:47,081 --> 00:16:48,401
Speaker 2: It was just one of those moments where you're like,

413
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Speaker 2: I don't feel like leading today. I don't feel like

414
00:16:50,161 --> 00:16:51,401
Speaker 2: I want to be led today. But I didn't know

415
00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:53,641
Speaker 2: how to communicate, but we just said, can you guys

416
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Speaker 2: please pick somewhere because I'm tapped.

417
00:16:54,801 --> 00:16:56,041
Speaker 1: But also that was a human moment.

418
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Speaker 2: I feel like ever since then, you've learned how to

419
00:16:58,321 --> 00:16:59,401
Speaker 2: be like I don't want to lead.

420
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Speaker 1: I'm fucking pasting on the baton. I don't want to

421
00:17:01,561 --> 00:17:02,561
Speaker 1: lead today. Somebody else do it.

422
00:17:02,601 --> 00:17:05,201
Speaker 3: We say that to comm at each other often like

423
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:07,640
Speaker 3: whether it's content even Yeah, we've had a moment with

424
00:17:07,641 --> 00:17:07,921
Speaker 3: that too.

425
00:17:07,921 --> 00:17:09,521
Speaker 1: It's like just actually communicat if you don't have the

426
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:09,920
Speaker 1: energy to.

427
00:17:09,961 --> 00:17:12,000
Speaker 2: Lean like cool, I'll take the lead, ye, and not

428
00:17:12,041 --> 00:17:13,961
Speaker 2: assuming that like we know what the other person is

429
00:17:14,001 --> 00:17:16,001
Speaker 2: thinking as well, you know, it's like okay, cool, Like

430
00:17:16,041 --> 00:17:17,720
Speaker 2: if we feel in a certain way, let's voice it

431
00:17:17,761 --> 00:17:19,001
Speaker 2: so we can figure out how to work as a

432
00:17:19,041 --> 00:17:20,761
Speaker 2: team to then make it easier for us.

433
00:17:20,921 --> 00:17:22,600
Speaker 1: Yes, or sometimes it can happen. I don't know.

434
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,321
Speaker 3: I keep coming back to food, but it's like, yeah,

435
00:17:24,321 --> 00:17:25,761
Speaker 3: I don't mind when we go and then someone will

436
00:17:25,761 --> 00:17:26,360
Speaker 3: suggest something.

437
00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:28,840
Speaker 1: It's like I don't really feel like that. Yes, It's like,

438
00:17:29,001 --> 00:17:31,880
Speaker 1: well you just said you're easy. Yes, are you easier?

439
00:17:32,001 --> 00:17:35,521
Speaker 1: Do you want to pick the cafe? Yes? Fair? Cool? Steve,

440
00:17:35,681 --> 00:17:37,281
Speaker 1: you could do this? Yeah, do that with Steve.

441
00:17:37,321 --> 00:17:39,081
Speaker 3: Sometimes I'm like, oh, I don't mind. He's like cool,

442
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,640
Speaker 3: we'll go here. I'm like, oh, I'm not eating that.

443
00:17:40,961 --> 00:17:44,281
Speaker 3: I protein. It's so funny, You're like, hi, I really yeah,

444
00:17:44,281 --> 00:17:46,121
Speaker 3: I don't eat Italian out totally.

445
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:48,521
Speaker 2: And then it's like me with the accommodation I'm like, oh,

446
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:50,920
Speaker 2: that one's a bit old, but I'm like, no, that

447
00:17:50,961 --> 00:17:53,440
Speaker 2: looks smine. I really like the first one wink wink.

448
00:17:54,681 --> 00:17:56,481
Speaker 2: But I preferred that because once she said you like

449
00:17:56,521 --> 00:17:58,400
Speaker 2: the first one, I'm like done, yeah, cool, I like

450
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,001
Speaker 2: this last one too, funny. I think it comes down

451
00:18:01,041 --> 00:18:02,841
Speaker 2: to not wanting to feel like a burden.

452
00:18:03,001 --> 00:18:06,281
Speaker 1: Oh, you know, guilty of it all the time. I say,

453
00:18:06,321 --> 00:18:06,880
Speaker 1: it still.

454
00:18:06,681 --> 00:18:09,440
Speaker 3: Comes up for us this morning. Yeah, but filming this

455
00:18:09,521 --> 00:18:11,001
Speaker 3: like funny video, I'm like, I feel like such a

456
00:18:11,001 --> 00:18:11,601
Speaker 3: burden right now.

457
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,001
Speaker 1: You should the okay? Yeah, I know.

458
00:18:13,041 --> 00:18:14,481
Speaker 2: Because she was like, oh, but there's so many to

459
00:18:14,521 --> 00:18:16,241
Speaker 2: feel me. I'm like, honestly, babe, I'm here, I'm having

460
00:18:16,241 --> 00:18:18,001
Speaker 2: a good time, Like, don't even worry about me, Like

461
00:18:18,041 --> 00:18:18,600
Speaker 2: I'm sweet.

462
00:18:18,801 --> 00:18:21,360
Speaker 3: I think we all deep down want to be the

463
00:18:21,441 --> 00:18:23,600
Speaker 3: nice girl and perceived to be nice and not a burden.

464
00:18:23,801 --> 00:18:25,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it just can't last.

465
00:18:25,481 --> 00:18:28,001
Speaker 2: And to be like the easy going I think what

466
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:30,441
Speaker 2: it is in the past when I've had friends who

467
00:18:30,441 --> 00:18:32,561
Speaker 2: have been really easy going, I think I've tried to

468
00:18:32,561 --> 00:18:34,480
Speaker 2: almost emulate that same, you know.

469
00:18:35,441 --> 00:18:36,641
Speaker 1: I wish I could be as.

470
00:18:36,481 --> 00:18:38,880
Speaker 2: Like carefree and easygoing as them, And I want to

471
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,120
Speaker 2: see that version of myself. Yeah. But then when I

472
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,481
Speaker 2: look at it, I'm like, is that actually my personality?

473
00:18:43,681 --> 00:18:44,600
Speaker 1: Like? Am I actually?

474
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:44,680
Speaker 2: Like?

475
00:18:44,721 --> 00:18:47,241
Speaker 1: I'm like sometimes i think I'm like, am I too much? Oh?

476
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:47,601
Speaker 1: I think?

477
00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:49,840
Speaker 3: You know any how calm and soft they are, And

478
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:51,441
Speaker 3: I'm like, ah, I would eat here.

479
00:18:51,521 --> 00:18:52,441
Speaker 1: And you know it's funny too.

480
00:18:52,561 --> 00:18:55,520
Speaker 2: I remember in a specific dynamic way back when I

481
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,840
Speaker 2: used to think that I was easygoing one yeah, and

482
00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,801
Speaker 2: then I learned that I wasn't the easy going one.

483
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,440
Speaker 1: She was easygoing one yeah, And I was like, interesting, I.

484
00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:06,241
Speaker 3: Think deep down we all want to be perceived as nice, caring, generous.

485
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:07,321
Speaker 1: She's the cool girl.

486
00:19:07,321 --> 00:19:09,241
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, doesn't mine even in like I haven't

487
00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:10,640
Speaker 3: had this, would have heard you talk about it before,

488
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,480
Speaker 3: Like the nonchalong Girlfriend. We did an episode on it

489
00:19:12,921 --> 00:19:13,960
Speaker 3: of like I'm gonna be out the.

490
00:19:13,921 --> 00:19:15,441
Speaker 1: Boys yet no worry to go out with the boys.

491
00:19:15,481 --> 00:19:17,160
Speaker 3: I'm gonna hope you hope for I am Yeah cool,

492
00:19:17,481 --> 00:19:20,241
Speaker 3: You're sitting at home, stress as fark by yourself while

493
00:19:20,281 --> 00:19:21,801
Speaker 3: your man comes home drunk at four. I am like,

494
00:19:22,201 --> 00:19:24,080
Speaker 3: I'm going to tell you in two three years time

495
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:26,081
Speaker 3: that's not gonna be okay. Tell her now, that that's

496
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,160
Speaker 3: not okay, you don't like that.

497
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,440
Speaker 1: I could never. I could never, nah.

498
00:19:29,321 --> 00:19:31,401
Speaker 3: But like just start to think about where you are

499
00:19:31,441 --> 00:19:33,721
Speaker 3: being the nice girl or maybe where your friends are

500
00:19:33,761 --> 00:19:36,121
Speaker 3: and actually like inviting this conversation and you're like, what do.

501
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:36,641
Speaker 1: You really want?

502
00:19:36,681 --> 00:19:38,120
Speaker 2: And I think you want that. You know it's funny too.

503
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,160
Speaker 2: This actually came up for me over Christmas. So I

504
00:19:40,281 --> 00:19:42,641
Speaker 2: was with the man that I'm seeing, my sister and

505
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:44,401
Speaker 2: like a friend of hers, and we all went golfing

506
00:19:44,521 --> 00:19:47,200
Speaker 2: and my brother and stuff. We went and did top golf,

507
00:19:47,241 --> 00:19:50,120
Speaker 2: and I had just done so many social things, Like

508
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,321
Speaker 2: I was sick for like five days and then I

509
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,921
Speaker 2: came really good, and within that span like maybe three

510
00:19:55,001 --> 00:19:57,001
Speaker 2: or four days after that, I did a fair few

511
00:19:57,041 --> 00:20:00,561
Speaker 2: social things over those years. Yeah, and throughout that time

512
00:20:00,961 --> 00:20:03,841
Speaker 2: I was super tired already, Like I was just like, oh,

513
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:07,041
Speaker 2: I only have so much capacit for social stuff anyway.

514
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,720
Speaker 2: So we went golfing and stuff, and then I started

515
00:20:08,761 --> 00:20:11,441
Speaker 2: to crash towards the afternoon, and I noticed that part

516
00:20:11,481 --> 00:20:14,001
Speaker 2: of me that wanted to be like the easy going one,

517
00:20:14,041 --> 00:20:16,720
Speaker 2: the high energy girl, the you know, laughing and playing

518
00:20:16,761 --> 00:20:18,480
Speaker 2: and being all these things. But like I had crashed

519
00:20:18,481 --> 00:20:20,160
Speaker 2: so much that all I wanted to do was go home.

520
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,840
Speaker 2: And I felt guilty because everyone wanted to go and

521
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,521
Speaker 2: like meet back up at one person's house and play

522
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,561
Speaker 2: card games and stuff, and I was the only one

523
00:20:27,561 --> 00:20:28,321
Speaker 2: who didn't want to go.

524
00:20:28,481 --> 00:20:29,120
Speaker 1: Oh yeah.

525
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:30,761
Speaker 2: And then I felt guilty because I was saying to

526
00:20:30,801 --> 00:20:32,680
Speaker 2: the man that I'm seeing, like I was saying, like,

527
00:20:32,721 --> 00:20:34,840
Speaker 2: I'm tired, I'm feeling really I'm feeling really drained. I'm

528
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:36,881
Speaker 2: like tapped out capacity wise, Like I actually don't want

529
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:38,960
Speaker 2: to go, And as much as I wanted to go

530
00:20:39,001 --> 00:20:41,441
Speaker 2: and enjoy, I was like, you know, justifying with my head.

531
00:20:41,521 --> 00:20:43,641
Speaker 2: You know, I was like, oh, but they're only here

532
00:20:43,681 --> 00:20:45,241
Speaker 2: for a couple more days, and you know, this is

533
00:20:45,241 --> 00:20:46,561
Speaker 2: the only time we're going to see with them. But

534
00:20:46,561 --> 00:20:47,921
Speaker 2: then at the end, I was just like, you know what,

535
00:20:48,001 --> 00:20:48,840
Speaker 2: like I just want to go home.

536
00:20:48,921 --> 00:20:49,561
Speaker 1: Yeah.

537
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,241
Speaker 2: And so I think it even shows up in moments

538
00:20:51,321 --> 00:20:53,801
Speaker 2: like that, where when you're surrounded by all these people,

539
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,920
Speaker 2: you want to show up in that good energy, but

540
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:57,481
Speaker 2: it's like you also have to honor yourself too.

541
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,001
Speaker 1: It's hard, isn't that. And it's how you prevent resentment.

542
00:21:00,521 --> 00:21:02,440
Speaker 2: Imagine if I had gone and then done that and

543
00:21:02,481 --> 00:21:04,200
Speaker 2: then felt like, now I'm not showing up as my

544
00:21:04,241 --> 00:21:07,321
Speaker 2: best self. All of you are copying the energy from

545
00:21:07,321 --> 00:21:08,281
Speaker 2: me that I don't want to be here.

546
00:21:08,441 --> 00:21:10,281
Speaker 3: And the next day, because you think enough sleep, you'd

547
00:21:10,281 --> 00:21:13,641
Speaker 3: be tired, snappy, moody and not enjoying their company then anyway.

548
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:15,481
Speaker 2: Absolutely so, I think even when it comes to doing

549
00:21:15,521 --> 00:21:17,041
Speaker 2: things that you don't want to do, We've had this

550
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:20,321
Speaker 2: conversation recently. Is like learning when to know when to

551
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:23,321
Speaker 2: tap out of social things when you need solo time

552
00:21:23,481 --> 00:21:25,361
Speaker 2: or you need to be in your own energy, when

553
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:27,481
Speaker 2: your energy is coming down and when you feel like

554
00:21:27,521 --> 00:21:29,801
Speaker 2: you're starting to get real triggered and you need to

555
00:21:29,801 --> 00:21:33,041
Speaker 2: take that time away. Is learning where your limit lies

556
00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:35,201
Speaker 2: of when you need to remove yourself.

557
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:35,481
Speaker 1: From the vine.

558
00:21:36,041 --> 00:21:37,840
Speaker 3: And this can also show up in mum life, and

559
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:39,521
Speaker 3: it shows up with me and Steve all the time,

560
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,001
Speaker 3: Like he's quite good at knowing when I'm like hitting

561
00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:43,801
Speaker 3: a limit, if the kids are fighting, orf I'm really tired,

562
00:21:43,801 --> 00:21:46,200
Speaker 3: I'm good in my period and it often encourages me,

563
00:21:46,281 --> 00:21:47,840
Speaker 3: like go get a massage, babe, like and call a

564
00:21:47,921 --> 00:21:49,721
Speaker 3: book or go to your room, like shut the door

565
00:21:49,721 --> 00:21:51,801
Speaker 3: and just read a book or watch TV or just chill,

566
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,281
Speaker 3: go on the sauna, and then that like mum guilt

567
00:21:54,321 --> 00:21:56,321
Speaker 3: of like I want to be the present mom that's

568
00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:58,400
Speaker 3: there all the time. Yeah, it's like if I'm not

569
00:21:58,441 --> 00:22:00,200
Speaker 3: at work, I'm with my children, and I think a

570
00:22:00,201 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 3: lot of moms feel that pressure, so like feel the guilt.

571
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:05,640
Speaker 3: But it's also I have to have that internal conversation

572
00:22:05,721 --> 00:22:07,400
Speaker 3: of like if I just go and sit out for

573
00:22:07,441 --> 00:22:10,241
Speaker 3: ten minutes and like reregulate, I'm gonna be a much

574
00:22:10,241 --> 00:22:12,640
Speaker 3: better mum. If I don't, then I snap, then I'm

575
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,640
Speaker 3: gonna feel like eve more guilty, or I'm just I'm

576
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 3: going a shitty tired energy anyway, Like my kids don't

577
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 3: deserve this side of me. They're just trying to have fun.

578
00:22:19,721 --> 00:22:21,120
Speaker 3: Let you have fun with their dad for a little bit.

579
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:22,561
Speaker 3: I'll go over here and chill.

580
00:22:22,681 --> 00:22:23,001
Speaker 1: Yeah.

581
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:26,440
Speaker 3: But it's like you constantly have to coach yourself have

582
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,801
Speaker 3: the internal conversations. That's the best thing I love about

583
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,001
Speaker 3: being conscious. It's not that when you do all the

584
00:22:31,041 --> 00:22:33,080
Speaker 3: self development and all this internal healing that you get

585
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:34,361
Speaker 3: to a point where it's like oh it just it's

586
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:37,120
Speaker 3: fixed and it goes away. Absolutely not. It comes up

587
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:37,921
Speaker 3: probably even.

588
00:22:37,761 --> 00:22:39,361
Speaker 1: More because you're aware of it.

589
00:22:39,441 --> 00:22:42,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, your triggers come up, your wounds are showing, you

590
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,801
Speaker 3: see it a lot quicker. But you can have those

591
00:22:44,801 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 3: conversations with you and just like honor what you need

592
00:22:47,281 --> 00:22:49,880
Speaker 3: in those moments, and that once again prevents the build up,

593
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:54,400
Speaker 3: prevents the snappy, passive aggressiveness, prevents the resentment, all the

594
00:22:54,441 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 3: things that you do not want in your relationships, your kids,

595
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,160
Speaker 3: for your partner, your friends. It's it's just such an

596
00:22:59,201 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 3: important conversation. But I've never heard anyone talk about this,

597
00:23:02,681 --> 00:23:03,561
Speaker 3: and it actually came up.

598
00:23:03,801 --> 00:23:04,801
Speaker 1: Remember, started talking about it.

599
00:23:04,761 --> 00:23:07,201
Speaker 3: From some one that we know that was playing this role,

600
00:23:07,521 --> 00:23:09,321
Speaker 3: and I said to you, I just don't trust her.

601
00:23:09,761 --> 00:23:11,960
Speaker 3: There's something inside me that just doesn't trust her. And

602
00:23:12,001 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 3: that's when you said, yeah, she's the nice girl, and

603
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,600
Speaker 3: you started to teach me about it, and I was like, wow,

604
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:20,360
Speaker 3: I never quite understood all of this. So thank you

605
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,360
Speaker 3: for teaching me this. And that's why I asked Tianna

606
00:23:22,441 --> 00:23:23,680
Speaker 3: to come on to talk about it, because I'm like,

607
00:23:23,721 --> 00:23:25,921
Speaker 3: this is really cool and I've never heard anyone teach

608
00:23:25,921 --> 00:23:26,360
Speaker 3: this before.

609
00:23:26,481 --> 00:23:28,201
Speaker 1: Oh I love that. Yeah, So it.

610
00:23:28,201 --> 00:23:30,521
Speaker 3: Really helped me learn a lot about myself and about

611
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,041
Speaker 3: showingmen and there's no judgment. Yeah, I can see why

612
00:23:33,041 --> 00:23:34,961
Speaker 3: they are the way are. I've played that role as well.

613
00:23:35,001 --> 00:23:37,641
Speaker 3: It still shows up for me, but it's just cool

614
00:23:37,681 --> 00:23:39,480
Speaker 3: to learn about it, to be like, ah, okay, how

615
00:23:39,521 --> 00:23:40,441
Speaker 3: can I do that differently?

616
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:41,680
Speaker 1: Definitely I love that.

617
00:23:41,801 --> 00:23:45,001
Speaker 2: I still think even now having this conversation, I still

618
00:23:45,001 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 2: feel like it comes up for me, but I'm much

619
00:23:47,201 --> 00:23:48,080
Speaker 2: quicker to clock it.

620
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I know that it doesn't benefit me.

621
00:23:50,521 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 2: So it's like, even if I catch myself doing that behavior,

622
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:53,920
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I can just bring myself back to

623
00:23:53,961 --> 00:23:55,880
Speaker 2: baseline and then I can just continue showing up as

624
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,440
Speaker 2: my authentic self. It's like I might have little moments

625
00:23:58,441 --> 00:24:00,920
Speaker 2: where it shows up because that anxiousness in me comes out,

626
00:24:01,241 --> 00:24:02,880
Speaker 2: but then I'm like, oh, you know what, Like this

627
00:24:02,921 --> 00:24:04,640
Speaker 2: isn't going to benefit me long time. This is not

628
00:24:04,681 --> 00:24:06,761
Speaker 2: how this person wants me to show up either, you know.

629
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,880
Speaker 2: So it's really trying to clock those parts. And also

630
00:24:09,961 --> 00:24:11,561
Speaker 2: the reason why I want to bring this up is

631
00:24:11,561 --> 00:24:14,481
Speaker 2: because when I felt like the most nice and when

632
00:24:14,521 --> 00:24:17,761
Speaker 2: I identified with a nice girl, I was probably the most aggressive.

633
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:19,561
Speaker 1: I was literally the most aggressive.

634
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,081
Speaker 2: I have lost friendships over it because of my passive aggressiveness.

635
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 2: When I thought I was the very kind and nice girl,

636
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,481
Speaker 2: and I was also the most combative, the most chaotic,

637
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:33,041
Speaker 2: the most passive aggressive, when I really identified with being

638
00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:35,761
Speaker 2: nice because I never thought that I was someone who

639
00:24:35,801 --> 00:24:38,640
Speaker 2: was angry. I never got angry. I didn't even associate

640
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,360
Speaker 2: with that anger. I thought I didn't have an angry

641
00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:41,161
Speaker 2: bone in my body.

642
00:24:41,441 --> 00:24:42,360
Speaker 1: I was very wrong.

643
00:24:43,041 --> 00:24:46,201
Speaker 2: She's a fiery girl, right, And so it's just cool

644
00:24:46,241 --> 00:24:49,481
Speaker 2: because the more you're aware of it, the more you'll

645
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,561
Speaker 2: stop showing up like that. Right, Because when we think

646
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:56,361
Speaker 2: about unconscious behavior, which is what we're talking about, you

647
00:24:56,441 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 2: identify with somebody who is nice, which means anything that

648
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:07,041
Speaker 2: isn't nice. You don't identify with anger, passive aggressiveness, fiery nature, writing, nature, rebellion, opinionated,

649
00:25:07,041 --> 00:25:07,801
Speaker 2: none of those things.

650
00:25:08,241 --> 00:25:10,921
Speaker 1: And so because you're unaware of it, you don't actually.

651
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,241
Speaker 2: See the way that you're being perceived when you're showing

652
00:25:13,281 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 2: up in that way, because in your head, you're like,

653
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,360
Speaker 2: but I'm the nice girl, but I'm kind all the time.

654
00:25:17,721 --> 00:25:22,441
Speaker 2: I'm always kind, I'm always nice, I'm always considerate, I'm

655
00:25:22,561 --> 00:25:24,361
Speaker 2: always selfless and.

656
00:25:24,321 --> 00:25:25,400
Speaker 1: Putting people first.

657
00:25:25,481 --> 00:25:27,400
Speaker 2: You're going to miss all the ways that those little

658
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:30,000
Speaker 2: moments pop out, and the people that you love are

659
00:25:30,041 --> 00:25:32,281
Speaker 2: really copying those little moments of you know.

660
00:25:32,241 --> 00:25:35,121
Speaker 1: That cand of comment. Yeah, they're not nice to receipt. No,

661
00:25:35,481 --> 00:25:37,360
Speaker 1: that kind of common. It's just like, I don't know,

662
00:25:37,441 --> 00:25:37,801
Speaker 1: is this true.

663
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,160
Speaker 3: It's like a way that you're communicating what you're actually wanting,

664
00:25:40,241 --> 00:25:43,001
Speaker 3: but you're not being fully truthful about it, going about

665
00:25:43,001 --> 00:25:43,801
Speaker 3: it around about way.

666
00:25:43,921 --> 00:25:46,761
Speaker 1: Absolutely, Yeah, absolutely to receive it. I've done that.

667
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 3: I think it's definitely impacted of different relationships for me. Yeah,

668
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:51,441
Speaker 3: it's like try to I don't know how to communicate

669
00:25:51,481 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 3: what I want, So do it in a way where

670
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:54,960
Speaker 3: they can kind of get the hint. Yes, and hopefully

671
00:25:55,001 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 3: they hear me and they change their behavior, do what

672
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 3: I control, do what I actually want, instead of just

673
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:01,801
Speaker 3: saying this is what I require without having to say it.

674
00:26:01,961 --> 00:26:04,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, without being responsible for creating a problem that we

675
00:26:04,681 --> 00:26:05,041
Speaker 2: don't want to.

676
00:26:05,561 --> 00:26:08,281
Speaker 1: Yes, that's the thing. Yeah, it's not nice.

677
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 2: No, but it's hard, right because every word that is

678
00:26:10,761 --> 00:26:11,960
Speaker 2: unsaid is felt.

679
00:26:12,201 --> 00:26:13,561
Speaker 1: Yes, it's felt, exactly.

680
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:16,761
Speaker 2: Every word that is unsaid is felt. Whether you think

681
00:26:16,801 --> 00:26:18,721
Speaker 2: that it is or not. You can think that you're

682
00:26:18,801 --> 00:26:21,561
Speaker 2: masking how you truly feel that that person will feel

683
00:26:21,561 --> 00:26:24,160
Speaker 2: your energy and they may not know why, but they

684
00:26:24,201 --> 00:26:26,041
Speaker 2: can feel something is off with your energy.

685
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:27,801
Speaker 1: Very intuitive.

686
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:29,961
Speaker 2: Yeah, and so this is why it's just even more

687
00:26:29,961 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 2: of a reason. If you are here to build really

688
00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:34,601
Speaker 2: deep connections and you want that, you want to take

689
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 2: your connections to the next level of depth, you have

690
00:26:37,561 --> 00:26:39,721
Speaker 2: to be willing to address all of these things. Yeah,

691
00:26:39,801 --> 00:26:42,321
Speaker 2: so that you can be somebody that is worth being

692
00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:43,001
Speaker 2: around all the time.

693
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:44,400
Speaker 1: Yes, right, it's big.

694
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,200
Speaker 3: That's why we put a whole month in Rise and

695
00:26:46,241 --> 00:26:49,120
Speaker 3: Side about communication and boundaries, and there's also months six

696
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,680
Speaker 3: which is going to be thriving Relationships, because this is

697
00:26:51,721 --> 00:26:54,481
Speaker 3: all things that we have not only learned from coaches

698
00:26:54,481 --> 00:26:57,321
Speaker 3: and courses and stuff that we've actually recognized within ourselves

699
00:26:57,681 --> 00:27:00,241
Speaker 3: and see how it's negatively impacted people that we care

700
00:27:00,241 --> 00:27:03,120
Speaker 3: about and how we've lost relationships. Why we're preventing that

701
00:27:03,120 --> 00:27:05,041
Speaker 3: from happening again, because we know what that feels like

702
00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:06,680
Speaker 3: to receive and to give out to the world, and.

703
00:27:06,721 --> 00:27:09,120
Speaker 1: It's likely we can do better, we can know.

704
00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think as well, why I love this

705
00:27:11,721 --> 00:27:16,880
Speaker 2: topic so much is that everyone always wants better people.

706
00:27:16,681 --> 00:27:18,721
Speaker 1: In their life. Yeah, they say that, Hey.

707
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,000
Speaker 2: But not many people are willing to become a better person.

708
00:27:21,801 --> 00:27:24,521
Speaker 2: And so I'm like, the way that you create and

709
00:27:24,561 --> 00:27:28,360
Speaker 2: attract better people is by becoming better. Is by becoming better.

710
00:27:28,721 --> 00:27:30,761
Speaker 2: So instead of going oh my god and feeling in

711
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 2: lack of like where are my people? And I can't

712
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:34,561
Speaker 2: find them and there are no good people in my life,

713
00:27:35,041 --> 00:27:37,400
Speaker 2: let's focus on becoming a better person first, so that

714
00:27:37,481 --> 00:27:39,600
Speaker 2: you create a beautiful garden for people to come to.

715
00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:40,561
Speaker 2: You know.

716
00:27:41,001 --> 00:27:43,521
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like anything. I want the world to be

717
00:27:43,561 --> 00:27:45,561
Speaker 3: more raw and more honest. How raw and honest are

718
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:45,921
Speaker 3: you being?

719
00:27:46,041 --> 00:27:47,801
Speaker 1: Yeah? I want the world to be more transparent. How

720
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,081
Speaker 1: transparent that you being? Yeah, it's like a mirror reflection

721
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:51,840
Speaker 1: back absolutely the shop of my life.

722
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, you want more trustworthy people in your life? Are

723
00:27:53,761 --> 00:27:56,961
Speaker 2: you a trustworthy person actually attract Are you someone who

724
00:27:57,001 --> 00:27:59,920
Speaker 2: is loyal, committed and consistent in other people's lives?

725
00:28:00,321 --> 00:28:02,441
Speaker 1: Yeah? It's so powerful, such a good conversation.

726
00:28:02,761 --> 00:28:04,521
Speaker 3: Oh we hope you guys got a lot out of this,

727
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,001
Speaker 3: because I got a lot out of having this conversation

728
00:28:07,041 --> 00:28:08,680
Speaker 3: with Town, and even more just talking about today, I've

729
00:28:08,681 --> 00:28:09,561
Speaker 3: had lots of realizations.

730
00:28:09,561 --> 00:28:11,881
Speaker 1: It's really cool. That's been cool, and I like, where

731
00:28:11,921 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 1: else does this show up in my life? Definitely?

732
00:28:13,721 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 3: It's like, we'll continue this conversation and once again, like

733
00:28:16,281 --> 00:28:18,921
Speaker 3: we always say, this is not brought forward to shame you.

734
00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:21,561
Speaker 3: If you've had moments today, we're like, oh that's where

735
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,721
Speaker 3: I do that. Oh my gosh, like that, that's okay.

736
00:28:23,761 --> 00:28:25,721
Speaker 3: We're all human, like we are saying, we've done all

737
00:28:25,721 --> 00:28:28,120
Speaker 3: of that as well. Yeah, but once you understand it,

738
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:29,920
Speaker 3: you have the knowledge, you have the awareness you can

739
00:28:29,961 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 3: start to create change. And the more awareness you have

740
00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:34,281
Speaker 3: and the more you start to practice this, the more

741
00:28:34,321 --> 00:28:37,001
Speaker 3: it's going to become unconsciously conscious and you have to

742
00:28:37,001 --> 00:28:38,961
Speaker 3: think about it. You get to become that person without

743
00:28:38,961 --> 00:28:41,481
Speaker 3: even thinking about it, second nature, but for now, while

744
00:28:41,521 --> 00:28:43,801
Speaker 3: you're catching it, you have to be very conscious to

745
00:28:43,841 --> 00:28:44,401
Speaker 3: make the changes.

746
00:28:44,441 --> 00:28:47,361
Speaker 1: Beautifully said. Yeah, all right, well, we will see you

747
00:28:47,401 --> 00:28:49,201
Speaker 1: on the next one. If this comes up.

748
00:28:49,121 --> 00:28:50,921
Speaker 2: For you or that you relate to this in any way,

749
00:28:51,241 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 2: please send us a DM or post on the forum.

750
00:28:53,801 --> 00:28:55,361
Speaker 2: Let us know where you're at, and let us know

751
00:28:55,681 --> 00:28:57,801
Speaker 2: what you've learned about yourself from this episode, because we

752
00:28:57,881 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 2: really love to hear it and we can relate to

753
00:28:59,521 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 2: it entirely. But other than that, we will see you

754
00:29:02,521 --> 00:29:03,361
Speaker 2: on our next episode.

755
00:29:03,441 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 3: Yes, we'd love to feedback to and if there's feedback

756
00:29:05,441 --> 00:29:06,841
Speaker 3: that you want to give to. We've also got our

757
00:29:06,881 --> 00:29:09,241
Speaker 3: reviews of the Apple podcast and Spotify. You can go

758
00:29:09,321 --> 00:29:11,601
Speaker 3: down there and leave us some feedback, which is always

759
00:29:11,601 --> 00:29:14,321
Speaker 3: really beautiful to read. And otherwise we'll see you on Monday.

760
00:29:14,481 --> 00:29:16,281
Speaker 1: Bye bye