WEBVTT - Let it go, let it go.......

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<v Speaker 1>Apo Shape Production.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome back to another episode of Am I A Bad Mum? Podcast?

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<v Speaker 2>We constantly asked that question, am I a bad mum?

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<v Speaker 2>We don't always do it like a child psychologist would recommend.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, no, that's way to buy the book for me, Katie.

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<v Speaker 2>There would be so many better ways of doing things.

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<v Speaker 2>But I feel like then you're not being human, You're

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<v Speaker 2>not being in the moment, you're not having normal feelings.

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<v Speaker 1>Even that Save Our Sleep. That's a great book, just

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<v Speaker 1>by the way, if you're actually listening to us and

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<v Speaker 1>you've got a little person like Little Little Person that

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<v Speaker 1>Save Our Sleep. I got given that book and was

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<v Speaker 1>recommended highly for that book. Anyway, long story short, didn't

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<v Speaker 1>read all of it, just skipped through to the parts

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<v Speaker 1>that I needed, which was like routine, the daily routine

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<v Speaker 1>of like eat, sleep, play, stimulate. Perfect That's all I

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<v Speaker 1>needed from that. But the idea of like reading all

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<v Speaker 1>of it to try and tell me how to parent,

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, No.

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<v Speaker 2>I read a terrible book. It wasn't terrible at the time,

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<v Speaker 2>but when I look back on it, I would definitely

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<v Speaker 2>do things differently. And name's Gina Ford and it was

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<v Speaker 2>the contented Twins and they do a contented baby, contented twins,

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<v Speaker 2>and it was very good in the military operation of

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<v Speaker 2>getting twins to sleep. Yeah, yeah, and on a good routine.

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<v Speaker 2>It was great for that. However, it was very like

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<v Speaker 2>don't make eye contact with your baby and doing everything

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<v Speaker 2>like super super strict. Yeah, it was very much to

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<v Speaker 2>leave the baby, let it settle all that stuff that

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<v Speaker 2>now we know is really fucked them up.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I think there's parts of you that go, like

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<v Speaker 1>as a mom or like just as a parent, you

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<v Speaker 1>know what you can do, because I remember I tried

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<v Speaker 1>to do this self soothing where there was like the

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<v Speaker 1>theory of letting them cry themselves to sleep. And I

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<v Speaker 1>sat outside of her bedroom as she cried, and I

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<v Speaker 1>last said, they say last eleven minutes, and I lasted

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<v Speaker 1>eight minutes. And I was an utter head case and

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<v Speaker 1>I was crying, and I went back in. I picked

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<v Speaker 1>her up. She's still crying. It did not work for me.

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<v Speaker 1>It wasn't for me, but for some people it works

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<v Speaker 1>in it really is quite effective.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know, Like I've since done a lot on

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<v Speaker 2>like abandonment, trauma and like kind of stuff, and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>like Jesus, so probably do things that they're really That's

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<v Speaker 2>what grandkids are for, isn't it. We fuck up with

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<v Speaker 2>the first ones and then grandkids are second go at life.

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<v Speaker 2>Look at Nanadee, what a great example. She let you

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<v Speaker 2>live on two minute noodles. She does not let our grandchildren.

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<v Speaker 1>Have to No, definitely don't give them those.

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<v Speaker 2>Am I bad mum for letting go?

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<v Speaker 1>I like this.

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<v Speaker 2>You've spoken before about the struggle of them getting that

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<v Speaker 2>bit older and not needing you so much for things,

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<v Speaker 2>and potentially how that is difficult. I'm finding it really easy.

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<v Speaker 1>I was waiting for you to actually just sing me

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<v Speaker 1>into it, like let it go, and I was like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I can see where this is.

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<v Speaker 2>What I've found is like I found. And obviously fifteen,

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<v Speaker 2>they are very capable of doing a lot, a lot

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<v Speaker 2>more than I think they led on most of the time.

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<v Speaker 2>And we've talked before about the fact that they were

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<v Speaker 2>getting themselves up in the morning. It's still happening, by

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<v Speaker 2>the way, so good.

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<v Speaker 1>I was wondering that there's been a lot happening in

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<v Speaker 1>your household with the girls at the moment. So I

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<v Speaker 1>was thinking with the new additions of like possible jobs

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<v Speaker 1>and all the rest, that it was like, maybe it

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<v Speaker 1>was going to shift a little bit because you know,

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<v Speaker 1>it happens because they're so tired. But yeah, that's great

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<v Speaker 1>that they're still doing it. I love this.

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<v Speaker 2>They're still getting themselves up, so setting their alarm clock,

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<v Speaker 2>getting themselves ready. I mean, the making the bed is questionable.

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<v Speaker 1>The bus, though, is still happening.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, the bus, getting to the bus, making the lunch boxes,

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<v Speaker 2>that's still happening.

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<v Speaker 1>So good.

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<v Speaker 2>Not always the night before. But again, I'm letting go

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<v Speaker 2>because I'm like, if you don't give me reason to

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<v Speaker 2>get angry in the morning because you haven't got time

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<v Speaker 2>to do it, yeah, then fine, leave it to the

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<v Speaker 2>morning if that's what you want to do. Yeah, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>letting go. I'm letting go on so many levels. Bedtimes.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm easing up a bit on my obsession with you

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<v Speaker 2>need to go to bed at this time. And I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>you know what if you feel like shit tomorrow because

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<v Speaker 2>you haven't had enough sleep because or if there's problems

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<v Speaker 2>with you getting up and getting your stuff ready and

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<v Speaker 2>getting to school, yeah, that's when I will clamp down

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<v Speaker 2>on the fact that you need a bedtime again. Otherwise, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>bring your devices down still at a certain time is

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<v Speaker 2>important for me, Yeah, because I don't want to it

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<v Speaker 2>the whole time completely. But you know, if you want

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<v Speaker 2>to have a little tinkle on your keyboard or read

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<v Speaker 2>a book, they'm fine. But they do go to sleep

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<v Speaker 2>when you go to sleep. But just know that you're

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<v Speaker 2>going to feel terrible if you don't get enough sleep.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So I've kind of let go a little bit

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<v Speaker 2>on that. I let go on something that I realized

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<v Speaker 2>the other day, rate in that they went back from

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<v Speaker 2>school to their friend's house for a sleepover. I realized

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<v Speaker 2>halfway through that evening that I didn't even know the

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<v Speaker 2>address of this person whose house that they were going

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<v Speaker 2>to be at, And I was like, oh shit, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>a terrible mom for not knowing where they are tonight.

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<v Speaker 2>They've got life three sixty so I can see where

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<v Speaker 2>they are.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>It just would be a problem if their phone died.

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<v Speaker 1>Because yeah, yeah, or they turn off their location. Yeah yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>At one point I actually called and I said, oh, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>where are you and they went, yeah, we're still at school.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, how are you even getting to her house?

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<v Speaker 2>And they went, oh, getting the train, But I said,

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<v Speaker 2>were you walking to the train station? They went, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>we're going to get an uber. I was like, okay, right, Oh.

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<v Speaker 2>They got an uber from school to the train station.

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<v Speaker 2>They got on the train, and then they got the

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<v Speaker 2>train to their friend's house and they ended up at

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<v Speaker 2>the house.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my goodness, and quick.

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<v Speaker 2>Text saying good night, we're going to bed now whatever

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<v Speaker 2>time it was, and holy texts back and when we're

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<v Speaker 2>going to bed soon too. Spoke to them the next day.

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<v Speaker 1>And they were fine.

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<v Speaker 2>They were fine.

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<v Speaker 1>So you have to get to that point, don't you

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<v Speaker 1>have to trust?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, what I've realized is that I I am not

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<v Speaker 2>finding it that difficult to let go, Like I'm trust

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<v Speaker 2>I trust them, which I think is a really big thing. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, God knows, you know. I think my mum

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<v Speaker 2>trusted me, and I don't think so. But there was

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<v Speaker 2>no such thing as life through sixty back then. She

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<v Speaker 2>didn't know that I was on the train and I

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<v Speaker 2>was going out clubbing.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you didn't know what was going on, because that's

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<v Speaker 1>the difference. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>But the other thing is on the weekend, they were

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<v Speaker 2>talking to me about wanting to dye their hair and

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<v Speaker 2>I've been like, no, you've got lovely hair color, Like

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<v Speaker 2>keep it natural, you don't need all those chemicals blah

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<v Speaker 2>blah blah blah blah. And in the end they went,

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<v Speaker 2>we really want to try it's not going to be

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<v Speaker 2>much different. We just want to go a couple of

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<v Speaker 2>shades darker. And then they like looked at me and went

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<v Speaker 2>like your color and I was like, oh, that's fluttering.

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<v Speaker 2>I said, okay, but I'm not going to the shop, Like,

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<v Speaker 2>we don't need to go to the shop. So if

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<v Speaker 2>you have to, if you want to walk down and

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<v Speaker 2>get it, okay, they both said. So they left the

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<v Speaker 2>house rage. They walked to worse They grabbed themselves a

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<v Speaker 2>terrible box dye and they brought it back. But that's

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<v Speaker 2>when I then could not control my helicoptering. Yeah yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>because I was like, okay, now we've got permanent hair

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<v Speaker 2>dye in my bathroom with my towels, and hollywent, it's

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<v Speaker 2>all right, I'm going to do Amelias. I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think so you don't understand, like there's serious

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<v Speaker 2>chemicals in these dyes, like they were really actually quite

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<v Speaker 2>bad for you. I said, I don't want to be

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<v Speaker 2>in a situation where Amelia goes blind and my towels

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<v Speaker 2>get ruined.

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<v Speaker 1>Ah. My question was exactly that. So when that kicked in,

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<v Speaker 1>was it more about the child's well being or was

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<v Speaker 1>it the fact that your bathroom was about to get

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<v Speaker 1>trashed and your towels were going to be ruined.

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<v Speaker 2>I let her do it, right, I let Holly do it.

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<v Speaker 2>But I was hovering over her and I hated myself

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<v Speaker 2>for it. I was hovering over her and I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>stop shaking it up. She's shaking it up. It's going

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<v Speaker 2>over where. I was like, it's fluttering all over you,

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<v Speaker 2>like this shit does not come out. And then she

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<v Speaker 2>goes to put it on the side. And then I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>oh my god, you've got it on the bottom of

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<v Speaker 2>the bottom and now it's on the bench. Now it's

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<v Speaker 2>staining the bench.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god.

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<v Speaker 2>Me I'm like, oh my god. In terms of letting

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<v Speaker 2>it go, I let it go to a certain extent,

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<v Speaker 2>and then the uncontrollable helicopter came into play.

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<v Speaker 1>That's totally fine for me. I would have been exactly

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<v Speaker 1>the same, only or the sheer fact. I wouldn't have

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<v Speaker 1>even considered the fact that, you know, one of them

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<v Speaker 1>would go blind. I would be more just watching the

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<v Speaker 1>train wreck of the bathroom situation. Yeah, I never did

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<v Speaker 1>that stuff. I never did the dye the hair dye

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<v Speaker 1>because my mum owned a hair dressing salon, so we

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<v Speaker 1>were always at the salon. Yeah so Wed, Yeah, we

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<v Speaker 1>had more like exposure to a lot more things there.

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<v Speaker 1>I remember when my brother found the ear piercing gun

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<v Speaker 1>and oh my god. Yeah. So I mean, as kids,

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<v Speaker 1>we probably got into way more issues than you know,

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<v Speaker 1>a bit of Box Star. And now that I think about.

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<v Speaker 2>It, I thought back to when I was a teenager

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<v Speaker 2>because I was absolutely adamant, you don't need to dye

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<v Speaker 2>a hair blah blah blah. And then I remembered a

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<v Speaker 2>photo that I've got school photo of myself in year

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<v Speaker 2>nine or ten, year ten maybe, and I've got like

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<v Speaker 2>my hair's nearly black, as you know, like it's very

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<v Speaker 2>very dark, and I believe blonde. Oh and I bleached

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<v Speaker 2>it blonde. But in this school photo I had about regrowth,

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<v Speaker 2>two inches of black regrowth. And I was like, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit of you know, one shade darker box

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<v Speaker 2>is okay.

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<v Speaker 1>The bleach is where it brings me unstuck.

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<v Speaker 2>And my mom had no idea I was doing that

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<v Speaker 2>one minute black hair the next minute blonde?

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<v Speaker 1>Did it go blonde? Blonde? Though, because you usually have

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<v Speaker 1>to work it down like a few especially when you're

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<v Speaker 1>really dark and then you're going to go blonde for

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<v Speaker 1>it not to then be bleached and fall out of

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<v Speaker 1>your scalp.

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<v Speaker 2>No, it probably did. I definitely didn't do it the

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<v Speaker 2>way that you're supposed to do it. I just shoved

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<v Speaker 2>on that bleach next minute blonde.

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<v Speaker 1>Interestingly, though, I'm going to put it to you why

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<v Speaker 1>we're talking about things that you possibly did and not

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<v Speaker 1>wanting your children to do. But at the same time,

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<v Speaker 1>Grace's eleven. I was eleven when I decided to hack

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<v Speaker 1>my legs with a razor.

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<v Speaker 2>And I remember doing it.

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<v Speaker 1>Mum didn't know. I just literally just took it upon

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<v Speaker 1>myself in the bath one night. Yeah, and I just

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<v Speaker 1>did that. But I have the biggest scar on my

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<v Speaker 1>shin oh learning to Yeah, you know those that's where

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<v Speaker 1>you look down at the razor and you can see

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<v Speaker 1>your skin coming out of the razor. Yeah, I had that.

0:11:24.281 --> 0:11:27.921
<v Speaker 1>That was my first, very first experience of shaving my legs.

0:11:28.001 --> 0:11:30.121
<v Speaker 1>I was in a warm bath, so it just kept.

0:11:29.921 --> 0:11:31.761
<v Speaker 2>Oozing blood anyway.

0:11:32.401 --> 0:11:33.961
<v Speaker 1>I then had to get out of the bath and

0:11:34.361 --> 0:11:37.201
<v Speaker 1>not only confess the fact that I've just shaved my

0:11:37.281 --> 0:11:40.641
<v Speaker 1>legs at eleven to my mum with her razor and

0:11:40.681 --> 0:11:42.361
<v Speaker 1>get in trouble for that, but the fact that then

0:11:42.401 --> 0:11:44.601
<v Speaker 1>Mum had to fix my leg because it wouldn't stop

0:11:44.641 --> 0:11:47.961
<v Speaker 1>bleeding because of how much of a chunk I'd taken out.

0:11:48.641 --> 0:11:51.921
<v Speaker 1>I've got this situation now with Gracie and a couple

0:11:51.921 --> 0:11:54.481
<v Speaker 1>of her friends all now shaving their legs and they're

0:11:54.521 --> 0:11:58.441
<v Speaker 1>all eleven, and I'm like, no, you're not doing that.

0:11:58.441 --> 0:12:02.441
<v Speaker 1>That is not necessary. But deep down in my heart

0:12:02.441 --> 0:12:05.281
<v Speaker 1>of hearts, no, the story of my Yeah, I don't

0:12:05.281 --> 0:12:08.561
<v Speaker 1>know what to do. It's blow in my mind. I'm like, oh,

0:12:08.601 --> 0:12:10.801
<v Speaker 1>you're such a hypocrite, Rachel, this is shit.

0:12:11.121 --> 0:12:13.521
<v Speaker 2>I let the girls shave their legs.

0:12:13.721 --> 0:12:17.361
<v Speaker 1>What age? When do you reckon? Was it twelve or thirteen?

0:12:17.881 --> 0:12:19.321
<v Speaker 1>Was it high school starting?

0:12:19.481 --> 0:12:21.521
<v Speaker 2>I feel like it was high school? But well, okay,

0:12:21.601 --> 0:12:23.361
<v Speaker 2>let me ask you a question, because I'm doing this

0:12:23.441 --> 0:12:25.881
<v Speaker 2>a lot with some of the stuff that I am

0:12:25.921 --> 0:12:29.721
<v Speaker 2>facing with having teenagers, and you've got to picky battle.

0:12:29.721 --> 0:12:32.881
<v Speaker 2>So we talk about this all the time. What's really important?

0:12:33.161 --> 0:12:37.481
<v Speaker 2>So when it comes to your health and you know,

0:12:38.001 --> 0:12:41.161
<v Speaker 2>definitely no to vaping and all that shit that's actually

0:12:41.161 --> 0:12:44.401
<v Speaker 2>going to ruin your lungs at some point. But then

0:12:44.441 --> 0:12:46.921
<v Speaker 2>I go, okay, shaving your legs, what harm is it

0:12:46.961 --> 0:12:47.361
<v Speaker 2>going to do?

0:12:47.601 --> 0:12:50.481
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? I know, Well, it's just that whole age appropriate

0:12:50.521 --> 0:12:54.081
<v Speaker 1>thing of going like, why am I allowing her to

0:12:54.121 --> 0:12:56.161
<v Speaker 1>grow up so quickly when she's got the rest of

0:12:56.201 --> 0:12:58.441
<v Speaker 1>her life to have to shave her goddamn legs. And

0:12:58.441 --> 0:13:00.361
<v Speaker 1>then when you do shave your legs for the first time,

0:13:00.681 --> 0:13:02.641
<v Speaker 1>no one tells you. Then they grow back and they're

0:13:02.681 --> 0:13:06.681
<v Speaker 1>actually thicker and facer and stubble and gross, and there's

0:13:06.721 --> 0:13:09.201
<v Speaker 1>no getting out of it after that other than you know,

0:13:09.281 --> 0:13:11.001
<v Speaker 1>like later down the track when you do all the

0:13:11.121 --> 0:13:13.481
<v Speaker 1>whatever you choose to do. But that was my thing

0:13:13.521 --> 0:13:16.841
<v Speaker 1>of just going like age appropriate, when is it age appropriate?

0:13:16.921 --> 0:13:18.641
<v Speaker 1>What is the right thing to do? I don't think

0:13:18.641 --> 0:13:20.281
<v Speaker 1>there is a right or wrong thing to do? Right?

0:13:20.601 --> 0:13:23.801
<v Speaker 2>My girl started getting embarrassed because they've got dark hair,

0:13:23.921 --> 0:13:26.721
<v Speaker 2>yeah yeah, And so they got embarrassed that they had

0:13:26.761 --> 0:13:29.441
<v Speaker 2>hairy legs. So I was like, okay, yeah, well, if

0:13:29.481 --> 0:13:31.521
<v Speaker 2>you're feeling embarrassed you got hairy legs and shave them,

0:13:31.721 --> 0:13:34.121
<v Speaker 2>do you know? What's interesting rate is that I've always

0:13:34.281 --> 0:13:36.721
<v Speaker 2>said that if you start shaving your legs, it will

0:13:36.721 --> 0:13:39.921
<v Speaker 2>grow back really stubbily. If you google it, it says

0:13:39.961 --> 0:13:42.241
<v Speaker 2>that doesn't happen. It does.

0:13:42.801 --> 0:13:45.561
<v Speaker 1>Mine also grow on an angle. I swear to God.

0:13:45.681 --> 0:13:47.241
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I don't even know why they've grow

0:13:47.281 --> 0:13:49.921
<v Speaker 1>on an angle right near my calf muscle, Like that's

0:13:50.001 --> 0:13:52.201
<v Speaker 1>just weird. But at the same time, if my legs

0:13:52.201 --> 0:13:55.441
<v Speaker 1>are prickly, Elsie will go, eh, gross, your legs are

0:13:55.521 --> 0:14:00.681
<v Speaker 1>so prickly like, and you go, yeah, I know, yeah,

0:14:00.721 --> 0:14:01.001
<v Speaker 1>I know.

0:14:01.681 --> 0:14:04.641
<v Speaker 2>Figure that if they want to shave their legs, they

0:14:04.641 --> 0:14:06.641
<v Speaker 2>can shave their legs, and yes, it will go back

0:14:06.641 --> 0:14:09.761
<v Speaker 2>stubly for a while, but at some point they will

0:14:09.761 --> 0:14:12.881
<v Speaker 2>earn money to then pay for laser like what we

0:14:13.121 --> 0:14:15.361
<v Speaker 2>can do, and then you fix up.

0:14:15.321 --> 0:14:19.001
<v Speaker 1>The dreading the next day.

0:14:19.241 --> 0:14:22.561
<v Speaker 2>It's peer pressure, though, it's peer pressure. I know one

0:14:22.801 --> 0:14:24.801
<v Speaker 2>the friends start doing stuff like that, she's going to

0:14:24.881 --> 0:14:25.321
<v Speaker 2>want to do it.

0:14:26.801 --> 0:14:28.681
<v Speaker 1>Next to the line of cocaine

0:14:30.961 --> 0:14:33.281
<v Speaker 2>Joking shaving your legs next up,