Speaker 1: Apo Shape Production.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to another episode of Am I A Bad Mum? Podcast?
Speaker 2: We constantly asked that question, am I a bad mum?
Speaker 2: We don't always do it like a child psychologist would recommend.
Speaker 1: Oh, no, that's way to buy the book for me, Katie.
Speaker 2: There would be so many better ways of doing things.
Speaker 2: But I feel like then you're not being human, You're
Speaker 2: not being in the moment, you're not having normal feelings.
Speaker 1: Even that Save Our Sleep. That's a great book, just
Speaker 1: by the way, if you're actually listening to us and
Speaker 1: you've got a little person like Little Little Person that
Speaker 1: Save Our Sleep. I got given that book and was
Speaker 1: recommended highly for that book. Anyway, long story short, didn't
Speaker 1: read all of it, just skipped through to the parts
Speaker 1: that I needed, which was like routine, the daily routine
Speaker 1: of like eat, sleep, play, stimulate. Perfect That's all I
Speaker 1: needed from that. But the idea of like reading all
Speaker 1: of it to try and tell me how to parent,
Speaker 1: I was like, No.
Speaker 2: I read a terrible book. It wasn't terrible at the time,
Speaker 2: but when I look back on it, I would definitely
Speaker 2: do things differently. And name's Gina Ford and it was
Speaker 2: the contented Twins and they do a contented baby, contented twins,
Speaker 2: and it was very good in the military operation of
Speaker 2: getting twins to sleep. Yeah, yeah, and on a good routine.
Speaker 2: It was great for that. However, it was very like
Speaker 2: don't make eye contact with your baby and doing everything
Speaker 2: like super super strict. Yeah, it was very much to
Speaker 2: leave the baby, let it settle all that stuff that
Speaker 2: now we know is really fucked them up.
Speaker 1: Well, I think there's parts of you that go, like
Speaker 1: as a mom or like just as a parent, you
Speaker 1: know what you can do, because I remember I tried
Speaker 1: to do this self soothing where there was like the
Speaker 1: theory of letting them cry themselves to sleep. And I
Speaker 1: sat outside of her bedroom as she cried, and I
Speaker 1: last said, they say last eleven minutes, and I lasted
Speaker 1: eight minutes. And I was an utter head case and
Speaker 1: I was crying, and I went back in. I picked
Speaker 1: her up. She's still crying. It did not work for me.
Speaker 1: It wasn't for me, but for some people it works
Speaker 1: in it really is quite effective.
Speaker 2: I don't know, Like I've since done a lot on
Speaker 2: like abandonment, trauma and like kind of stuff, and I'm
Speaker 2: like Jesus, so probably do things that they're really That's
Speaker 2: what grandkids are for, isn't it. We fuck up with
Speaker 2: the first ones and then grandkids are second go at life.
Speaker 2: Look at Nanadee, what a great example. She let you
Speaker 2: live on two minute noodles. She does not let our grandchildren.
Speaker 1: Have to No, definitely don't give them those.
Speaker 2: Am I bad mum for letting go?
Speaker 1: I like this.
Speaker 2: You've spoken before about the struggle of them getting that
Speaker 2: bit older and not needing you so much for things,
Speaker 2: and potentially how that is difficult. I'm finding it really easy.
Speaker 1: I was waiting for you to actually just sing me
Speaker 1: into it, like let it go, and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I can see where this is.
Speaker 2: What I've found is like I found. And obviously fifteen,
Speaker 2: they are very capable of doing a lot, a lot
Speaker 2: more than I think they led on most of the time.
Speaker 2: And we've talked before about the fact that they were
Speaker 2: getting themselves up in the morning. It's still happening, by
Speaker 2: the way, so good.
Speaker 1: I was wondering that there's been a lot happening in
Speaker 1: your household with the girls at the moment. So I
Speaker 1: was thinking with the new additions of like possible jobs
Speaker 1: and all the rest, that it was like, maybe it
Speaker 1: was going to shift a little bit because you know,
Speaker 1: it happens because they're so tired. But yeah, that's great
Speaker 1: that they're still doing it. I love this.
Speaker 2: They're still getting themselves up, so setting their alarm clock,
Speaker 2: getting themselves ready. I mean, the making the bed is questionable.
Speaker 1: The bus, though, is still happening.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the bus, getting to the bus, making the lunch boxes,
Speaker 2: that's still happening.
Speaker 1: So good.
Speaker 2: Not always the night before. But again, I'm letting go
Speaker 2: because I'm like, if you don't give me reason to
Speaker 2: get angry in the morning because you haven't got time
Speaker 2: to do it, yeah, then fine, leave it to the
Speaker 2: morning if that's what you want to do. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: letting go. I'm letting go on so many levels. Bedtimes.
Speaker 2: I'm easing up a bit on my obsession with you
Speaker 2: need to go to bed at this time. And I'm like,
Speaker 2: you know what if you feel like shit tomorrow because
Speaker 2: you haven't had enough sleep because or if there's problems
Speaker 2: with you getting up and getting your stuff ready and
Speaker 2: getting to school, yeah, that's when I will clamp down
Speaker 2: on the fact that you need a bedtime again. Otherwise, Okay,
Speaker 2: bring your devices down still at a certain time is
Speaker 2: important for me, Yeah, because I don't want to it
Speaker 2: the whole time completely. But you know, if you want
Speaker 2: to have a little tinkle on your keyboard or read
Speaker 2: a book, they'm fine. But they do go to sleep
Speaker 2: when you go to sleep. But just know that you're
Speaker 2: going to feel terrible if you don't get enough sleep.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I've kind of let go a little bit
Speaker 2: on that. I let go on something that I realized
Speaker 2: the other day, rate in that they went back from
Speaker 2: school to their friend's house for a sleepover. I realized
Speaker 2: halfway through that evening that I didn't even know the
Speaker 2: address of this person whose house that they were going
Speaker 2: to be at, And I was like, oh shit, I'm
Speaker 2: a terrible mom for not knowing where they are tonight.
Speaker 2: They've got life three sixty so I can see where
Speaker 2: they are.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It just would be a problem if their phone died.
Speaker 1: Because yeah, yeah, or they turn off their location. Yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: At one point I actually called and I said, oh, hey,
Speaker 2: where are you and they went, yeah, we're still at school.
Speaker 2: I was like, how are you even getting to her house?
Speaker 2: And they went, oh, getting the train, But I said,
Speaker 2: were you walking to the train station? They went, oh,
Speaker 2: we're going to get an uber. I was like, okay, right, Oh.
Speaker 2: They got an uber from school to the train station.
Speaker 2: They got on the train, and then they got the
Speaker 2: train to their friend's house and they ended up at
Speaker 2: the house.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, and quick.
Speaker 2: Text saying good night, we're going to bed now whatever
Speaker 2: time it was, and holy texts back and when we're
Speaker 2: going to bed soon too. Spoke to them the next day.
Speaker 1: And they were fine.
Speaker 2: They were fine.
Speaker 1: So you have to get to that point, don't you
Speaker 1: have to trust?
Speaker 2: Well, what I've realized is that I I am not
Speaker 2: finding it that difficult to let go, Like I'm trust
Speaker 2: I trust them, which I think is a really big thing. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean, God knows, you know. I think my mum
Speaker 2: trusted me, and I don't think so. But there was
Speaker 2: no such thing as life through sixty back then. She
Speaker 2: didn't know that I was on the train and I
Speaker 2: was going out clubbing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you didn't know what was going on, because that's
Speaker 1: the difference. Yeah.
Speaker 2: But the other thing is on the weekend, they were
Speaker 2: talking to me about wanting to dye their hair and
Speaker 2: I've been like, no, you've got lovely hair color, Like
Speaker 2: keep it natural, you don't need all those chemicals blah
Speaker 2: blah blah blah blah. And in the end they went,
Speaker 2: we really want to try it's not going to be
Speaker 2: much different. We just want to go a couple of
Speaker 2: shades darker. And then they like looked at me and went
Speaker 2: like your color and I was like, oh, that's fluttering.
Speaker 2: I said, okay, but I'm not going to the shop, Like,
Speaker 2: we don't need to go to the shop. So if
Speaker 2: you have to, if you want to walk down and
Speaker 2: get it, okay, they both said. So they left the
Speaker 2: house rage. They walked to worse They grabbed themselves a
Speaker 2: terrible box dye and they brought it back. But that's
Speaker 2: when I then could not control my helicoptering. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 2: because I was like, okay, now we've got permanent hair
Speaker 2: dye in my bathroom with my towels, and hollywent, it's
Speaker 2: all right, I'm going to do Amelias. I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't think so you don't understand, like there's serious
Speaker 2: chemicals in these dyes, like they were really actually quite
Speaker 2: bad for you. I said, I don't want to be
Speaker 2: in a situation where Amelia goes blind and my towels
Speaker 2: get ruined.
Speaker 1: Ah. My question was exactly that. So when that kicked in,
Speaker 1: was it more about the child's well being or was
Speaker 1: it the fact that your bathroom was about to get
Speaker 1: trashed and your towels were going to be ruined.
Speaker 2: I let her do it, right, I let Holly do it.
Speaker 2: But I was hovering over her and I hated myself
Speaker 2: for it. I was hovering over her and I was like,
Speaker 2: stop shaking it up. She's shaking it up. It's going
Speaker 2: over where. I was like, it's fluttering all over you,
Speaker 2: like this shit does not come out. And then she
Speaker 2: goes to put it on the side. And then I'm like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, you've got it on the bottom of
Speaker 2: the bottom and now it's on the bench. Now it's
Speaker 2: staining the bench.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Me I'm like, oh my god. In terms of letting
Speaker 2: it go, I let it go to a certain extent,
Speaker 2: and then the uncontrollable helicopter came into play.
Speaker 1: That's totally fine for me. I would have been exactly
Speaker 1: the same, only or the sheer fact. I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: even considered the fact that, you know, one of them
Speaker 1: would go blind. I would be more just watching the
Speaker 1: train wreck of the bathroom situation. Yeah, I never did
Speaker 1: that stuff. I never did the dye the hair dye
Speaker 1: because my mum owned a hair dressing salon, so we
Speaker 1: were always at the salon. Yeah so Wed, Yeah, we
Speaker 1: had more like exposure to a lot more things there.
Speaker 1: I remember when my brother found the ear piercing gun
Speaker 1: and oh my god. Yeah. So I mean, as kids,
Speaker 1: we probably got into way more issues than you know,
Speaker 1: a bit of Box Star. And now that I think about.
Speaker 2: It, I thought back to when I was a teenager
Speaker 2: because I was absolutely adamant, you don't need to dye
Speaker 2: a hair blah blah blah. And then I remembered a
Speaker 2: photo that I've got school photo of myself in year
Speaker 2: nine or ten, year ten maybe, and I've got like
Speaker 2: my hair's nearly black, as you know, like it's very
Speaker 2: very dark, and I believe blonde. Oh and I bleached
Speaker 2: it blonde. But in this school photo I had about regrowth,
Speaker 2: two inches of black regrowth. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: a little bit of you know, one shade darker box
Speaker 2: is okay.
Speaker 1: The bleach is where it brings me unstuck.
Speaker 2: And my mom had no idea I was doing that
Speaker 2: one minute black hair the next minute blonde?
Speaker 1: Did it go blonde? Blonde? Though, because you usually have
Speaker 1: to work it down like a few especially when you're
Speaker 1: really dark and then you're going to go blonde for
Speaker 1: it not to then be bleached and fall out of
Speaker 1: your scalp.
Speaker 2: No, it probably did. I definitely didn't do it the
Speaker 2: way that you're supposed to do it. I just shoved
Speaker 2: on that bleach next minute blonde.
Speaker 1: Interestingly, though, I'm going to put it to you why
Speaker 1: we're talking about things that you possibly did and not
Speaker 1: wanting your children to do. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: Grace's eleven. I was eleven when I decided to hack
Speaker 1: my legs with a razor.
Speaker 2: And I remember doing it.
Speaker 1: Mum didn't know. I just literally just took it upon
Speaker 1: myself in the bath one night. Yeah, and I just
Speaker 1: did that. But I have the biggest scar on my
Speaker 1: shin oh learning to Yeah, you know those that's where
Speaker 1: you look down at the razor and you can see
Speaker 1: your skin coming out of the razor. Yeah, I had that.
Speaker 1: That was my first, very first experience of shaving my legs.
Speaker 1: I was in a warm bath, so it just kept.
Speaker 2: Oozing blood anyway.
Speaker 1: I then had to get out of the bath and
Speaker 1: not only confess the fact that I've just shaved my
Speaker 1: legs at eleven to my mum with her razor and
Speaker 1: get in trouble for that, but the fact that then
Speaker 1: Mum had to fix my leg because it wouldn't stop
Speaker 1: bleeding because of how much of a chunk I'd taken out.
Speaker 1: I've got this situation now with Gracie and a couple
Speaker 1: of her friends all now shaving their legs and they're
Speaker 1: all eleven, and I'm like, no, you're not doing that.
Speaker 1: That is not necessary. But deep down in my heart
Speaker 1: of hearts, no, the story of my Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: know what to do. It's blow in my mind. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're such a hypocrite, Rachel, this is shit.
Speaker 2: I let the girls shave their legs.
Speaker 1: What age? When do you reckon? Was it twelve or thirteen?
Speaker 1: Was it high school starting?
Speaker 2: I feel like it was high school? But well, okay,
Speaker 2: let me ask you a question, because I'm doing this
Speaker 2: a lot with some of the stuff that I am
Speaker 2: facing with having teenagers, and you've got to picky battle.
Speaker 2: So we talk about this all the time. What's really important?
Speaker 2: So when it comes to your health and you know,
Speaker 2: definitely no to vaping and all that shit that's actually
Speaker 2: going to ruin your lungs at some point. But then
Speaker 2: I go, okay, shaving your legs, what harm is it
Speaker 2: going to do?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I know, Well, it's just that whole age appropriate
Speaker 1: thing of going like, why am I allowing her to
Speaker 1: grow up so quickly when she's got the rest of
Speaker 1: her life to have to shave her goddamn legs. And
Speaker 1: then when you do shave your legs for the first time,
Speaker 1: no one tells you. Then they grow back and they're
Speaker 1: actually thicker and facer and stubble and gross, and there's
Speaker 1: no getting out of it after that other than you know,
Speaker 1: like later down the track when you do all the
Speaker 1: whatever you choose to do. But that was my thing
Speaker 1: of just going like age appropriate, when is it age appropriate?
Speaker 1: What is the right thing to do? I don't think
Speaker 1: there is a right or wrong thing to do? Right?
Speaker 2: My girl started getting embarrassed because they've got dark hair,
Speaker 2: yeah yeah, And so they got embarrassed that they had
Speaker 2: hairy legs. So I was like, okay, yeah, well, if
Speaker 2: you're feeling embarrassed you got hairy legs and shave them,
Speaker 2: do you know? What's interesting rate is that I've always
Speaker 2: said that if you start shaving your legs, it will
Speaker 2: grow back really stubbily. If you google it, it says
Speaker 2: that doesn't happen. It does.
Speaker 1: Mine also grow on an angle. I swear to God.
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't even know why they've grow
Speaker 1: on an angle right near my calf muscle, Like that's
Speaker 1: just weird. But at the same time, if my legs
Speaker 1: are prickly, Elsie will go, eh, gross, your legs are
Speaker 1: so prickly like, and you go, yeah, I know, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: Figure that if they want to shave their legs, they
Speaker 2: can shave their legs, and yes, it will go back
Speaker 2: stubly for a while, but at some point they will
Speaker 2: earn money to then pay for laser like what we
Speaker 2: can do, and then you fix up.
Speaker 1: The dreading the next day.
Speaker 2: It's peer pressure, though, it's peer pressure. I know one
Speaker 2: the friends start doing stuff like that, she's going to
Speaker 2: want to do it.
Speaker 1: Next to the line of cocaine
Speaker 2: Joking shaving your legs next up,