Speaker 1: All right, guys, welcome back to there's his episode of
Speaker 1: Just for Girls, The Girl's Guide, and once again we
Speaker 1: have see the Human line Detector here with us today
Speaker 1: to talk more about how to tell if your partners
Speaker 1: or a love interest is lying to you.
Speaker 2: So I think, yeah, we have a lot all of us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we have a lot of people and girls in
Speaker 3: relationships on.
Speaker 2: The dating scene.
Speaker 3: What is like your number one advice to pick up
Speaker 3: on people's mannerisms when you're getting to know them that
Speaker 3: they may be not being one hundred percent as genuine
Speaker 3: as they're kind of putting out.
Speaker 1: First date and you don't have that baseline yet, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm going on a first date this afternoon, how do
Speaker 1: I tell this boy is just not a good guy?
Speaker 4: Firstly, I'd let them speak, and then if something doesn't
Speaker 4: sound right, question them. And if you see some of
Speaker 4: the behaviors that I talk about, then you know that
Speaker 4: those questions are making them feel uncomfortable. Rather than accept
Speaker 4: everything on face value, ask the direct questions because sooner
Speaker 4: or later, a true personality will show itself.
Speaker 3: So, given that trust is a big thing in relationships
Speaker 3: and communications, how can you approach a situation where you
Speaker 3: think that your partner is laying and that could potentially
Speaker 3: break the trust that you've built. How do you approach
Speaker 3: it in a way that that gets the best truth
Speaker 3: out of them.
Speaker 4: Look, I'm an evidence man, so I would be looking
Speaker 4: for evidence. So if a partner's cheating, there's usually telltale signs,
Speaker 4: like you know, sexting, text messages, photos, all that type
Speaker 4: of thing. Changes in behavior, never answering the phone when
Speaker 4: they're partner's there, all that type of thing. But sometimes
Speaker 4: the other side of that coin is you have a
Speaker 4: real jealous, possessive partner and the other partner may not
Speaker 4: be engaging anything. And I've seen relationships split up not
Speaker 4: because of infidelity, but fear of infidelity occurring. So I
Speaker 4: think it's important to ask the questions, but also don't
Speaker 4: accuse somebody unless you've got some sort of evidence, and
Speaker 4: sooner or later, I often believe that the truth will
Speaker 4: come out. Sometimes you just got to see when it
Speaker 4: comes out, I'll find out.
Speaker 1: Do you find that, Like, if a partner potentially is cheating,
Speaker 1: they'll deflect that behavior on to you and be like, like,
Speaker 1: accuse you of cheating because that's something that they're doing themselves.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I said that a lot. What will happen is
Speaker 4: they'll deflect and they'll take the pressure off themselves and
Speaker 4: put it back on the interview or the partner and
Speaker 4: blame them. But also when you ask questions, they'll start
Speaker 4: maybe raising their voice. And there's a big difference between
Speaker 4: feigning anger and actually being angry, So feigning anger will
Speaker 4: be just part of the process, and micro expressions of
Speaker 4: an anger can clearly be seen as opposed to deliberately
Speaker 4: trying to put somebody off the scent.
Speaker 3: Who do you find to be a better liar in
Speaker 3: the relationships? Because I feel like as girls we always
Speaker 3: accuse the boyfriend of lying.
Speaker 2: They usually are.
Speaker 3: As per But who do you think would be Who
Speaker 3: do you think or is more likely to be the liar?
Speaker 2: The boyfriend or the girlfriend?
Speaker 4: Well, you know, we all lie about different things. But
Speaker 4: I would say in my experience, men tend to lie
Speaker 4: much more than women. But if women do lie, it's
Speaker 4: usually for an altruistic reason to protect a friend or
Speaker 4: to protect someone else, whereas men will lie to make
Speaker 4: themselves look better or deliberately hiding something.
Speaker 1: How is deception in relationships different compared to in a
Speaker 1: business or a platonic relationship or are they the same?
Speaker 4: Pretty much the same telltale signs, But in business it's
Speaker 4: I mean you look, when you go for a job interview,
Speaker 4: everyone lies. You know, you lie about your length of service,
Speaker 4: reason for leaving, renumeration, all that type of thing, because
Speaker 4: could you imagine if you told a potential recruital that
Speaker 4: you'll fired, not likely to get the job. So we
Speaker 4: all lie. I remember ages ago listening to a group
Speaker 4: of people and the interviewer said, give me an example
Speaker 4: of where you had an underperforming sales team, sales rep,
Speaker 4: is what you would do? And he said, I do this,
Speaker 4: I do that, I do this. At the end of
Speaker 4: the interview, he said, how do you think it went?
Speaker 4: I said, well, the problem was he told you what
Speaker 4: he would do. That's just an opinion what I was
Speaker 4: expecting he would have told you what he has done.
Speaker 4: So that tells me he has no experience in dealing
Speaker 4: with underperforming sales. So in business, still the same machinations
Speaker 4: and the same nonverbals and confidence gestures, all that type
Speaker 4: of thing, but just for a different reason, maybe to
Speaker 4: get ahead, to get promoted, all that type of thing,
Speaker 4: but still lying. That the root of lying is to
Speaker 4: for ourselves. We lie for ourselves.
Speaker 3: How do you think emotions like guilt, fear, or anxiety
Speaker 3: contribute to how someone behaves when they're lying.
Speaker 4: That's a great question. So sometimes if you feel a
Speaker 4: particular emotion, it doesn't necessarily mean you're lying. So what
Speaker 4: I found is truthful people will still tell you how
Speaker 4: they feel, but deceptive people won't tell you they feel,
Speaker 4: and they'll often try to convince you that what they're
Speaker 4: saying is actually correct. So if somebody is emotional, doesn't
Speaker 4: mean they're lying. So the only way is a truthful
Speaker 4: person will tell you, I'll give you the answers, whereas
Speaker 4: a deceptive people a person will actually tell you what
Speaker 4: they want you to know. So knowing that, we've got
Speaker 4: to be able to work out where the emotions are
Speaker 4: genuine and secondly are they contrived? And what I mean
Speaker 4: by that crying but no tears, that top thing, no
Speaker 4: water works or.
Speaker 2: Something like that. Al Harras, have you been up to
Speaker 2: date all? In that the Harris.
Speaker 1: Family case, there was a mum who was apparently drugging
Speaker 1: her young daughter but sort of starting a GoFundMe.
Speaker 2: Everyone was paying her.
Speaker 1: Money to help the sick daughter, but the daughter wasn't
Speaker 1: actually sick, and there's a lot of videos of her
Speaker 1: online crying without the tears, saying how hard everything is,
Speaker 1: and then complaining about how her coffee machine's broken.
Speaker 2: And everyone's like that about the coffee machine than your kid.
Speaker 4: So that's a classic example where we expect the emotions
Speaker 4: to be in the right place. A caring mother is
Speaker 4: worried about the health of her child, her concern would
Speaker 4: be there, not on whether or not a coffee machine's work.
Speaker 2: She's just a crazy girl.
Speaker 1: So in your experience in working with couples, what type
Speaker 1: of lies do you find to be the most prominent?
Speaker 4: Mainly about how someone feels about other people family members, girlfriends, friends,
Speaker 4: and usually it relates to wanting to keep the peace
Speaker 4: as opposed to a lot of men will want to
Speaker 4: get to the bottom of it and try to find
Speaker 4: out what the issue is. But predominantly the major issues
Speaker 4: about feelings and about family issues, boyfriend issues, those top things.
Speaker 3: And how can you differentiate between intuition and paranoia when
Speaker 3: you suspect that your partner's lying.
Speaker 4: Paranoia is a state where your automatic assume the worst
Speaker 4: yeah consistently over a long period of time, and even
Speaker 4: when presented with the evidence, you still have that same
Speaker 4: feeling or emotion, whereas intuition is you know, something just
Speaker 4: doesn't seem right about this, and it's not constant and
Speaker 4: it's not always. I have a lot of people coming
Speaker 4: in to my office and they are extremely, extremely jealous, possessive,
Speaker 4: you know, they want to know what their partner's doing
Speaker 4: all that time. That behavior, in my experience, really changes
Speaker 4: and it continues from one partner to the other. Whereas intuition,
Speaker 4: we all get that you know something's not right and
Speaker 4: you act on that, or you may look for evidence.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like I always it's always intuition for me,
Speaker 1: but it knows they're always had ended up being something wrong.
Speaker 1: So I feel like it's very important to trust your
Speaker 1: gut in situation was like that. So lastly, what advice
Speaker 1: do you have for people who are in relationships they
Speaker 1: feel like they're being lied to or their partners not
Speaker 1: being honest for them with them.
Speaker 4: I'm an evidence man, so I look for evidence, right.
Speaker 4: I don't want to be in a situation where I
Speaker 4: have a thought with no substantive evidence, and that could
Speaker 4: be the worst thing because you could be ending a
Speaker 4: relationship based on a thought process rather than evidence. So
Speaker 4: if somebody is deliberately lying to and you know that's
Speaker 4: the case, I guess are you going to accept that
Speaker 4: in that relationship? And you know, does it get to
Speaker 4: a stage where you're constantly being accused and nothing changes?
Speaker 4: Because I don't think anyone wants to be in that
Speaker 4: type of relationship because it's caustic and it's not going
Speaker 4: to improve. So if you have doubts, I mean there
Speaker 4: are different ways of I mean, getting going about things.
Speaker 4: But think of yourself, I mean, are you happy in
Speaker 4: that relationship? Do you see it progressing? And if it's aggressive,
Speaker 4: If it's aggressive now, it's going to be aggressive later on?
Speaker 4: Get out of it.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for joining us on Just for Girls.
Speaker 3: I think is in and I can both say that
Speaker 3: this I love lit been one of our favorite episodes.
Speaker 2: Where can We Find You?
Speaker 3: Someone wants to find out a little bit more information
Speaker 3: about you? Where can they find you?
Speaker 4: Sure?
Speaker 2: Either?
Speaker 4: I've got two websites Steve Vanappron dot com and I
Speaker 4: have a number of videos on there and how to
Speaker 4: read people and detect deception and online course or Lie
Speaker 4: Detector online dot.
Speaker 1: Com people, and you also mentioned you did have a
Speaker 1: was it a podcast sort of series or the series
Speaker 1: coming out called Hunter where you've been narrating that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, say where do we find that? It's a six
Speaker 4: part series that will be on Channel seven next year.
Speaker 2: Amazing.
Speaker 4: It's called The Hunters and we look at various unsolved
Speaker 4: called homicide cases.
Speaker 1: In Australia as well Australian cases.
Speaker 2: So super interesting.
Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for coming on, Steve, and
Speaker 1: hopefully now we can all help find out whose.
Speaker 2: Little liars in our lives.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much and will see you guys next week.
Speaker 2: I'm also girls. Thanks Steve, It's
Speaker 1: Over Babo's oper