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Speaker 1: Think about the last time that you were really sad,

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Speaker 1: really stressed both maybe even aggrieved, perhaps in shock, you know,

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Speaker 1: just going through it in some kind of way.

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Speaker 2: And there's someone that you really.

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Speaker 1: Love makes the perfect joke about the situation with love

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Speaker 1: in their heart, and you just crack up laughing. It's

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Speaker 1: such a respite from the doom and the sadness that

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Speaker 1: you're feeling. Even though part of your thinks you probably

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Speaker 1: shouldn't be laughing at this, there's this enormous release and

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Speaker 1: this feeling of.

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Speaker 2: That person gets it.

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Speaker 1: It's often in times like that when humor can do

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Speaker 1: the most good culturally, but we do tend to keep

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Speaker 1: humor away from people who really really needed, people who

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Speaker 1: are struggling. Those kind of jokes and the desire to

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Speaker 1: make them happen are exactly what today's conversation is all about.

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Speaker 1: I can't wait for you to hear it's a live podcast.

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Speaker 1: We did the Factory theater. Before we get there, though

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Speaker 1: I do I play some ads back in a tack.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to the show. This is better than yesterday,

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Speaker 1: making a better every week since twenty thirteen. My name's

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Speaker 1: Oosha Ginsburg. I am so grateful you're here. Thank you

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Speaker 1: so much for showing up to the story Club show.

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Speaker 1: There's another one coming on the ninth of March. The

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Speaker 1: leak is in the show notes. I think if you

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Speaker 1: get on the substack you will find a post there

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Speaker 1: that we'll give you an offer code to get twenty

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Speaker 1: five percent off tickets. You're going to have to do

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Speaker 1: a bit of detective work, but yes, there are cheaper

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Speaker 1: tickets if you get on that. For the next story

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Speaker 1: Club Show, nikkiir Louis, Richard Glover, Debos Ward, and Josh

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Speaker 1: Zepps joined Zoey and I for a night of storytelling.

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Speaker 2: Now today's guest Michelle Brazier. She is just excellent.

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Speaker 1: She's a multiple award winning actor, singer, comedian, writer, performer,

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Speaker 1: and she's written a book which is in both parts

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Speaker 1: incredibly heartbreaking and pant pissingly funny. The book is called

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Speaker 1: My Brother's Ashes Are in a Sandwich Bag. I was

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Speaker 1: lucky enough to read an early copy of it, and

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Speaker 1: it is an exploration of grief that.

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Speaker 2: Is just remarkable.

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Speaker 1: In this conversation, which we recorded live, it was her

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Speaker 1: book launch. We have a conversation about the book. We

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Speaker 1: talk about her hugely critically claimed live show average.

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Speaker 2: Bear the lingering gifts that grief can give you.

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Speaker 1: We talk about honoring the people you love who are

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Speaker 1: no longer here, and even if those people are past

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Speaker 1: versions of yourself.

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Speaker 2: We speak about authenticity.

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Speaker 1: Trusting yourself creatively, and why hope is better than cynicism,

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Speaker 1: and a lot more, and there's a song at the end. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I even join in. Michelle has so many fantastically wonderful

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Speaker 1: and valuable things to say. She is absolutely hilarious and

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Speaker 1: she was completely on fire and can't.

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Speaker 2: Wait to do more live podcasts. I hope you enjoy

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Speaker 2: the show.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening, and thank you for

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Speaker 1: the people that showed up to the Factory Theater in

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Speaker 1: Merrickville to enjoy this with us.

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Speaker 3: Enjoy I thought out my ablute Dickie being what the

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Speaker 3: pup with the bark with the.

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Speaker 4: Ball we were discovering in sound check.

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Speaker 5: That you and I met on a rather special night.

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Speaker 6: Yes, so it was Story Club, which is a beautiful

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Speaker 6: show that used to be on in Sydney. It was

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Speaker 6: my first time being asked to really do anything that

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Speaker 6: wasn't just being an anti Donna. Sched I told the

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Speaker 6: story of when I had my third degree burns and

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Speaker 6: I had to learn to walk again, and I lost

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Speaker 6: my father and my brother, and that it was a

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Speaker 6: ten minute version of that that I took the liberty

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Speaker 6: of doing for twenty minutes. And we were in the

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Speaker 6: same storytelling night, and just before I got up to

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Speaker 6: talk about my burns, oh Sha who.

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Speaker 4: At the time, I was like, but I'm safe.

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Speaker 7: I told a story about the night that I tried

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Speaker 7: to kick a fire and set myself on fire.

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Speaker 4: We put it on fire? Are things wonder? Recommend this shit?

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Speaker 4: You're really painful. I think it's kind of cute.

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Speaker 8: However, we also we also have something in common in

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Speaker 8: that you're aware that in FM radio there was a

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Speaker 8: you know, if you have a big station truck and

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Speaker 8: it's plasted with the logo, and you know, you try

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Speaker 8: to bribe people to listen to you, or feel like

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Speaker 8: you're naming a survey book by giving you freeh shit.

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Speaker 4: Hey guys, it's me Casanova Michelle. Come on down to

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Speaker 4: Brighton Beach. Make it holy Frisbees. He look for goot.

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Speaker 4: I had the video easy Movie of the Week, Thank

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Speaker 4: You Very Ready for Ages, which was only for what

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Speaker 4: is it?

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Speaker 5: I mean?

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Speaker 7: This was early in your crip was earlier in my career,

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Speaker 7: and you know, I'd only ever known the people that

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Speaker 7: I'd been to school with than some of the guys

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Speaker 7: I worked with when I was a roadie.

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Speaker 5: But what were your first thoughts when.

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Speaker 7: You're like face to face with people who are like,

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Speaker 7: I know they're free, so I'll have a hundred.

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Speaker 4: Oh do you know?

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Speaker 6: I really respected it because I didn't grow up with

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Speaker 6: like a lot of money.

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Speaker 4: We weren't like poor. But I went to a school

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Speaker 4: where like kids brought knives and it wasn't like, oh

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Speaker 4: my god, it was just like tramp doon't.

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Speaker 7: Like is that?

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Speaker 6: So I was like, yeah, take one hundred. I'm taking

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Speaker 6: a hundred, like sockcare. I didn't say the job for

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Speaker 6: like too long.

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Speaker 4: How did you feel.

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Speaker 7: About I really had taken for granted how much my

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Speaker 7: parents had instilled upon me that dental hygiene is important.

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Speaker 6: Okay, okay, yeah, well I was in Melbourne, so everyone's

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Speaker 6: pretty in Melbourny.

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Speaker 4: It's raining, but we're really all.

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Speaker 5: It's a glorious book.

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Speaker 7: And you know what a lot of people that talk

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Speaker 7: to like, losing people that you love to cancer is

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Speaker 7: really terrible.

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Speaker 5: Yet this god but you've got to find something funny

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Speaker 5: in it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it was you cooked. It was littely cool. Do

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Speaker 4: you have to find a little bit of joy in

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Speaker 4: the green? And that's why, you know, my work has

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Speaker 4: always been about who knows who I am? Wait? Who'd

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Speaker 4: you give me a chin?

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Speaker 7: Anyone?

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Speaker 4: Get dragon Ale? Just so if I know, if I

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Speaker 4: had to do context.

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Speaker 9: Just.

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Speaker 4: Wi people listening.

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Speaker 6: Oh yeah, I just pod us okay www dot Google

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Speaker 6: dot com Michelle.

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Speaker 4: Brazy at b R A s I E R.

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Speaker 6: And then google the Sydney Morning Hell review of the

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Speaker 6: show Average Bear, which was called a trium for the

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Speaker 6: show five hours.

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Speaker 4: This is that right exactly, but it is the silly.

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Speaker 6: The five was low and I came in like I

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Speaker 6: pitched it really high.

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Speaker 7: I'm sure you find these, especially when you're making jokes

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Speaker 7: about dead relatives. Yes, you need someone to laugh early

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Speaker 7: at the really dark stuff.

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Speaker 10: You really do.

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Speaker 4: Because I think this is the thing. I found it

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Speaker 4: and this is why I wanted to write the book

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Speaker 4: and why I wanted to make the show Average Bear,

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Speaker 4: which is it is about.

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Speaker 6: It's because when I had lost everyone and we were

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Speaker 6: grieving as a family, I was trying to make jokes

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Speaker 6: in the house in the share house and would be like, Michelle,

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Speaker 6: can you do the dishes?

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Speaker 4: And I'd be like my dad did. But people didn't

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Speaker 4: laugh that mud.

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Speaker 6: You know, one of my house I means James, and

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Speaker 6: that's why I've kept him easier. Tonight, I think, well,

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Speaker 6: the other friends people foods are very uncomfortable. I didn't

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Speaker 6: know how to respond, and I feel like we do

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Speaker 6: have this habit of wrapping people up who are grieving

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Speaker 6: in wool, or people who are dying in wool.

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Speaker 4: People who have bad news. We don't want to look

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Speaker 4: at them, we don't want to talk.

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Speaker 6: To them, and I wanted to make a space where

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Speaker 6: we could sort of have them invited in. I think

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Speaker 6: that's a huge mistake, and we should be allowing those

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Speaker 6: people to make all the jokes and we should be.

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Speaker 4: Laughing with them and not treating them like there's some

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Speaker 4: sort of leper, you know.

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Speaker 6: I think I just wanted to make comedy a more

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Speaker 6: inclusive space for people who are sad, because traditionally the

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Speaker 6: sad clowns are the ones who are selling out. It's true,

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Speaker 6: if you got anywhere, all your favorite comedians are so sad.

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Speaker 4: But there's so I know them, they're so sad except

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Speaker 4: for me. I'm the Jerry one, which is actually crazy.

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Speaker 7: And this You sent me this book at a time

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Speaker 7: when I've been thinking about death a lot, and because

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Speaker 7: there's a you know, anyone, I mean, if you're not

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Speaker 7: thinking about the fact that Wayne Coin from the Flanning

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Speaker 7: Lips has said it, and we should all be aware

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Speaker 7: that everyone you know someday will die. And it's important

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Speaker 7: to remember that even that your keys will die, You

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Speaker 7: might even die.

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Speaker 5: They might even die before you.

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Speaker 4: And it's terrorfying to consider.

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Speaker 7: But there's fascinating evidence to show that if you just

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Speaker 7: picture you'll kids for just a couple of seconds dying

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Speaker 7: before you, before you, the next time you see them, it'll.

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Speaker 5: Be like, oh, it'll be the most extraordinary experience.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I've seen these studies that I know what you're referencing,

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Speaker 6: the idea of, like there's a philosophy behind it.

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Speaker 4: It's not so sorry, memento Mauri.

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Speaker 7: Before this stuff started having tosease, did you start to

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Speaker 7: consider that your parents might die?

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Speaker 4: Do you know what I did? Because my parents were

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Speaker 4: a lot older than me. I was what they call

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Speaker 4: in the industry a mistake, a lot older than me.

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Speaker 6: My parents are so old comparatively me hold of my

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Speaker 6: generation there.

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Speaker 10: In my aunt.

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Speaker 4: For my fears, I was a mistake. I was a

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Speaker 4: happy mistake, best mistake they ever made.

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Speaker 6: My mom had me when she was forty two, which

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Speaker 6: when I was born was a big deal.

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Speaker 4: And my brother was fifteen years older than me.

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Speaker 6: My sister was maybe twelve eleven years older than me,

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Speaker 6: and so I was I was a real surprise. And

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Speaker 6: I knew that my parents were older than my friend's parents.

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Speaker 6: And so when I would say goodbye to everyone, I

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Speaker 6: would say.

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Speaker 4: Goodbye, I love you. And then I had this thought

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Speaker 4: that was like, wait, you can love a dead person. Okay,

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Speaker 4: by love you, see you later. You can see a

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Speaker 4: dead person. Bye, love you, see you later, talk to

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Speaker 4: you later. You can talk to a dead person. Bye,

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Speaker 4: love you, see you later, talk to you later, have

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Speaker 4: a conversation with you later. Ha tricked, you got you death.

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Speaker 4: I win. And that was how I say goodbye to

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Speaker 4: you everyone. I haven't been diagnosed.

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Speaker 6: That was how I say goodbye to everyone until I

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Speaker 6: was maybe twenty.

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Speaker 4: One, which is like after they started dying.

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Speaker 6: But when I would be like, okay, bye, let me

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Speaker 6: see a letter, talk to you letter have a conversation

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Speaker 6: with you later, which is mad.

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Speaker 4: But we thought I was worried about I was really

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Speaker 4: afraid about it.

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Speaker 7: I think like humans have been trying to solve the

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Speaker 7: death problem and the discomfort of death for a long time.

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Speaker 7: I mean, they've invented religions to try to get her

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Speaker 7: in and how uncomfortable it is.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, don't worry about all your friends dying. There's this

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Speaker 5: place you get to go to.

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Speaker 6: I know. It's I'm very jealous of religious people because

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Speaker 6: that they have all this hope for the afterlife. And

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Speaker 6: also you don't have to like have these existential crisis

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Speaker 6: where you look in and you're going, well, am I

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Speaker 6: looking after myself?

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Speaker 4: But I should be giving everything to everybody, and I should.

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Speaker 4: You know, you don't have You can just.

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Speaker 6: Go, oh the book says do this, Then you just

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Speaker 6: do that.

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Speaker 4: That's so easy, Like that's crazy. And you do something wrong.

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Speaker 4: You go into a box and you tell like a

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Speaker 4: man you can't even see. You don't even have to

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Speaker 4: make idle over the man and then you just tell

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Speaker 4: him what it's crazy. Demand an address too, a man,

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Speaker 4: an address, say it's nice.

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Speaker 6: I wish, I wish, I believe in God. I wish

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Speaker 6: I believed in after life. I'm very jealous of my

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Speaker 6: mum's faith. She's not religious, like she like like she's

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Speaker 6: here for the Mardi Gras. She's fun, but she's like,

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Speaker 6: you know.

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Speaker 4: She really does.

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Speaker 6: She believes that she will see my father and that

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Speaker 6: she will see my brother, and it's so I think

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Speaker 6: it gives hers so much comfort, and I think that's beautiful.

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Speaker 4: But I think I've made my own version.

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Speaker 6: I'm a chapter in here about the I think it's

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Speaker 6: called the Baby Is the Girl is rocking Herself or

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Speaker 6: something like that.

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Speaker 4: And it's about how we make mythology and we make

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Speaker 4: meaning where there is none, and that's what's beautiful about

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Speaker 4: being a person. And if you're not a religious person,

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Speaker 4: you get.

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Speaker 6: To make your own meaning, which is more work, but

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Speaker 6: it's really really beautiful.

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Speaker 4: And that's what this book is.

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Speaker 6: It's about going all of these things are awful, but

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Speaker 6: also like, isn't it beautiful?

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Speaker 4: And isn't it romantic? In a very sad and kind

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Speaker 4: of movie.

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Speaker 7: Way when you're writing stuff like is so deeply versonal,

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Speaker 7: like what you've put in here, and it's a great

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Speaker 7: gift that you've given by writing it, I must say,

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Speaker 7: because some people might not have considered what it is

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Speaker 7: to lose not one, but.

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Speaker 5: You know, two people that you really love and so close.

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Speaker 7: You might have been thinking about it in your head,

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Speaker 7: but when it comes to writing it down, you have to, oh,

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Speaker 7: how am I going to pull this?

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Speaker 5: You kind of have to find a way to make

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Speaker 5: it translated.

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Speaker 7: Right as you were reprocessing that, did you have realizations?

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Speaker 5: Do you kind of ohh did you figure stuff out?

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Speaker 11: I think the biggest thing when writing this, not even

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Speaker 11: just writing this book, when I first started telling a

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Speaker 11: story Odd Story Club, and then when I started writing

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Speaker 11: Average Bear and doing all of these storytelling that the

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Speaker 11: bits that would resonate with people who had lost someone

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Speaker 11: who were dying, who had maybe wearing situations like myself where.

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Speaker 12: They found out that they have a high risk of

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Speaker 12: getting cans themselves, all of those people really found a

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Speaker 12: lot of peace and a lot of joy in the

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Speaker 12: bits that were specific to me.

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Speaker 4: And I think that's interesting because we.

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Speaker 6: Always think like the broader that it is, the more

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Speaker 6: it's going to resonate, But actually, like the thing that

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Speaker 6: people love and.

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Speaker 4: The thing that makes people.

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Speaker 6: Cries when I say my dad is a jolly, earth

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Speaker 6: skinned man. He's fat and he calls everyone by the

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Speaker 6: name of their car and they go, okay, you know,

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Speaker 6: and they go, that's not my dad, but I know

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Speaker 6: the three things that are my dad, and that's I

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Speaker 6: think that the joy in a person, because that's what

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Speaker 6: you mean is when people die, right, you fall in

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Speaker 6: love with all the tiny little things. It's not like,

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Speaker 6: oh I just want to like sit and hug this person.

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Speaker 6: It's like, oh, I missed the way that they would

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Speaker 6: chew with their mouth open, and you know, you do.

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Speaker 4: You miss the silly things in the idiosyncrasies about people.

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Speaker 6: And when you when you offer your specifics, it brings

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Speaker 6: to mind people's own specifics and how much they love

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Speaker 6: their own people.

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Speaker 4: And I think that's really nice. And that's again a

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Speaker 4: joy in the meaning we can make. Processing grief is

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Speaker 4: very individual thing.

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Speaker 7: Yes, I'm number two of four boys, and when we

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Speaker 7: lost mom in twenty seventeen, none of us thought about

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Speaker 7: it or felt about it.

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Speaker 4: To say it for us.

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Speaker 7: We each had to completely like I say, no kid

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Speaker 7: gets the same set of parents.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, she was a completely.

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Speaker 5: Different person to me than she was to my brothers.

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Speaker 7: When you were you know, talking to your other members

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Speaker 7: of your family about, you know, the people who had passed.

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Speaker 5: Did you notice that you were processing things differently?

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Speaker 4: I did, I sort of.

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Speaker 6: I remember when my dad died, sitting in the lounge

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Speaker 6: room and looking around at what was missing? Like I said,

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Speaker 6: have looked around the room. And because I'm an actor

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Speaker 6: and I'm such a drama queen, I was like, what's

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Speaker 6: missing in this scene? And that was just the way

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Speaker 6: that I process it.

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Speaker 4: And I know that sounds narcissistic, and that's not for

335
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Speaker 4: you to judge. That's my therapist to generally suggest you

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Speaker 4: a serious of questions. But I'm a here, there is here, No,

337
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Speaker 4: he's allowed boundaries.

338
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Speaker 5: Would you always believe it's famous life? Psychiatrists had it

339
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Speaker 5: all my geeks?

340
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Speaker 6: Do you know what?

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Speaker 4: That's such a shorthand. I actually want to send him

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Speaker 4: the book and be like, can you just read this?

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Speaker 4: Oh no, because I saw the teaser thing pretty you

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Speaker 4: know what, I've fucking done that. Yeah, wait, look we

345
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Speaker 4: don't have time. Just there there's the backstory, all right,

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Speaker 4: I've done this too often. Yeah, I'm gonna do that.

347
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Speaker 4: I'm when I send it to him. It's the origins Turk. Yeah,

348
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Speaker 4: so I got there and I looked at it. I

349
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,800
Speaker 4: looked around. I was like, what's missing. I was like, Okay,

350
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Speaker 4: there's no one.

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Speaker 6: Here that's being like Meryl's Street, Like there's no any

352
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Speaker 6: of us being like stoic about this. I was eighteen

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Speaker 6: or nineteen when my dad died, and I was like,

354
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Speaker 6: I can I can do that.

355
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Speaker 4: And my brother and sister were doing the.

356
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Speaker 6: Eulogy, and they you know, tried, but kind of it

357
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Speaker 6: was hard for them because they're not usually in front

358
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Speaker 6: of a huge group of people.

359
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Speaker 4: And my father he's funeral, the whole town shut down,

360
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Speaker 4: like the school that he used to teach at was

361
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Speaker 4: closed for the day, and the kids out the front

362
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Speaker 4: that had to go there were like minimally supervised, made

363
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Speaker 4: like a guard of honor as his hearse went past it.

364
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Speaker 4: The entire town was there, and that's really nerve wracking

365
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Speaker 4: for people.

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Speaker 6: And I was like, I can get through this because

367
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Speaker 6: I can tell stories, and I can introduce this meaning

368
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Speaker 6: where there is none, and I can hold my brother's

369
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Speaker 6: hand and hold my sister's hand, and I can try

370
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Speaker 6: and make this as poetic and beautiful and like it

371
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Speaker 6: in a movie, because that makes me feel better. About it,

372
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Speaker 6: but my sister doesn't want to necessarily look that in

373
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Speaker 6: the face in the same way. You know, someone who

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Speaker 6: knows my sister just laughed. You know, my sister has

375
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Speaker 6: a different outlook on life than me, and she has

376
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Speaker 6: a completely diferent you know, she grieved very privately.

377
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Speaker 4: And my brother, I remember, thought.

378
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Speaker 6: That my father had given up like he was, he

379
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,400
Speaker 6: said to me shortly after, like, I think he could

380
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Speaker 6: have lasted longer, because my father was diagnosed with cancer

381
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Speaker 6: and died seven days later, as I remember, although my

382
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Speaker 6: mum said on Australian story that it was two weeks,

383
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Speaker 6: and mum probably knows better than.

384
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Speaker 7: I do, it's still a really short amount of time. Yeah,

385
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Speaker 7: and it sounds like a traumatic number anyway. If you

386
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,680
Speaker 7: don't remember correctly, it's fine.

387
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, but I it was, you know, it was

388
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Speaker 4: very very fast. And my brother said, I think he

389
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,800
Speaker 4: gave up. I think he was depressed and I think

390
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Speaker 4: he gave up.

391
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Speaker 6: And I found that really shocking because I was eighteen

392
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,760
Speaker 6: or nineteen and ninety. My father is just an idea,

393
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,200
Speaker 6: you know how a dad is an idea of a man.

394
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Speaker 4: If you are lucky enough.

395
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Speaker 6: To have a dad who doesn't treat you poorly, then

396
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:06,560
Speaker 6: he is just a safety. And he is a man

397
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,800
Speaker 6: who sits in a chair and pats a dog and

398
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,560
Speaker 6: drinks a beaut And that's a dad like he was.

399
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:13,400
Speaker 6: That he was that he was jolly, he was kind,

400
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:17,639
Speaker 6: he was generous, and so I hadn't considered that he

401
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,040
Speaker 6: may have three dimensional emotions and that he may have

402
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,399
Speaker 6: other things going on in his life. So that was

403
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:26,600
Speaker 6: quite interesting for me. And then when my brother passed,

404
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,680
Speaker 6: that was really different. My sister, I think, was really

405
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:31,360
Speaker 6: angry and my mom was angry. I remember my mom

406
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,720
Speaker 6: crying in the bedroom and I walked in.

407
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,240
Speaker 4: I said, are you okay? And she said, I'm just angry.

408
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,800
Speaker 4: And I said that's okay, it's okay to be angry.

409
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,760
Speaker 4: Who are you angry with? And she said, I'm angry

410
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:45,000
Speaker 4: with God? And I thought that's so sad and profound

411
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,680
Speaker 4: and like. And she still goes to church.

412
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Speaker 6: And I don't know if it's because it's a meditation,

413
00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:52,280
Speaker 6: a time for her to like not trick her phone,

414
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:53,840
Speaker 6: a time to her to feel close to them. I

415
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:55,240
Speaker 6: don't know what it is, and that's not, you know,

416
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:57,080
Speaker 6: for me to judge, but I think it's really beautiful

417
00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:01,040
Speaker 6: that she still goes even though she's angry. But I

418
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,639
Speaker 6: saw I saw my whole future and my brother, So

419
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,639
Speaker 6: that was very It was really different that to losing

420
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:08,560
Speaker 6: my dad, because losing Dad felt like I was in

421
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,080
Speaker 6: a play and I knew what to do, and then

422
00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:15,280
Speaker 6: I started grieving him like years after he was actually gone.

423
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:16,080
Speaker 4: When I was a.

424
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:20,399
Speaker 6: Proper adult with a frontal lobe, and then when I

425
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:24,360
Speaker 6: lost my brother, it was like, but that's the that's

426
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:25,359
Speaker 6: the guy.

427
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,680
Speaker 4: He was the guet for me. So it's very, very hard.

428
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:32,119
Speaker 7: The frontal lobe is now fully informing Yes, here's what

429
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:33,439
Speaker 7: you didn't get last fun kid.

430
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Speaker 6: Exactly because I saw my whole personality for my brother,

431
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:36,600
Speaker 6: I did.

432
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,560
Speaker 4: I saw the whole thing. He was really funny.

433
00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:41,040
Speaker 6: He would get drunk and sing any chance anyone gave

434
00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:41,919
Speaker 6: him an opportunity.

435
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,560
Speaker 4: Like he was like, he was very he was kind

436
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,240
Speaker 4: of strangers. He was generous, He had a great sense

437
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,320
Speaker 4: of adventure, and he loved music. And I saw all

438
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,080
Speaker 4: that he traveled the world. I looked at that and

439
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,400
Speaker 4: I went, I'll have that, And it's it's so clear

440
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,320
Speaker 4: that I'm doing exactly what like I'm so him. I

441
00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:01,080
Speaker 4: don't like you too as much, but like there different generations.

442
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,840
Speaker 4: I told you it's okay.

443
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:09,200
Speaker 7: On second viewing out of context some of their stuff,

444
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,280
Speaker 7: you're like, yeah.

445
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:11,840
Speaker 4: Are you well?

446
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:13,679
Speaker 6: I wonder if he would see it's so sad that

447
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,400
Speaker 6: he never gets to like reevaluate you too.

448
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:19,640
Speaker 10: Yeah.

449
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:24,680
Speaker 7: Sometimes we're one of the things that you know, after people,

450
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,879
Speaker 7: anybody who's lost a friend or a loved one or

451
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:31,320
Speaker 7: a parent or whatever, there's there's a moment that sometimes

452
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,679
Speaker 7: it's fleeting. Sometimes it's a decade where you're trying to

453
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:40,000
Speaker 7: avoid actually accepting that it's happened. That can be very

454
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:44,040
Speaker 7: dangerous for some people. So it could become some people's identity.

455
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,280
Speaker 7: Uh the you know, fuck you had there? You don't

456
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,879
Speaker 7: you know, I can't do the dishes by t you know,

457
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:50,680
Speaker 7: dare you after?

458
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:51,360
Speaker 9: You're such a fake?

459
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:53,440
Speaker 4: What?

460
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:53,879
Speaker 13: What is it?

461
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,320
Speaker 5: What did acceptance look like for you?

462
00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:00,640
Speaker 4: Acceptance? I think for me, acceptance that they were gone

463
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,879
Speaker 4: because I did. I mean, I've done the show about it.

464
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:07,280
Speaker 6: I've done my show Average Bear, which is about losing

465
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,160
Speaker 6: them and finding out about my own cancer risk and

466
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,520
Speaker 6: then deciding how to approach the world knowing all of

467
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,479
Speaker 6: that and doing that show, I thought would be some

468
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:16,919
Speaker 6: sort of acceptance.

469
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,760
Speaker 4: But really it just started sounding like a story that

470
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:19,399
Speaker 4: wasn't mine.

471
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,400
Speaker 6: I had to remember at the end of the show

472
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,720
Speaker 6: every night that this was true, like I had that it.

473
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:27,320
Speaker 4: Was, that I'm the main character in it, like I

474
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:28,760
Speaker 4: was there for it, and that.

475
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,880
Speaker 6: Was something that I obviously had just separated from myself

476
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:32,720
Speaker 6: and taken away.

477
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:36,080
Speaker 4: And I think I did that show everywhere.

478
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,240
Speaker 6: I've done it in London, I've done it off Broadway,

479
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,280
Speaker 6: Thank you Slay, And.

480
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:45,200
Speaker 4: Like doing all of those was magical. We're off Broadway now, yeah,

481
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,720
Speaker 4: and we're never ly not on Brooklyn.

482
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:50,320
Speaker 10: Too.

483
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:54,320
Speaker 4: He pull up sold out in New York. But Sydney okay.

484
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,800
Speaker 6: But yeah, it's a I think for me, when I

485
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,240
Speaker 6: was writing this book, I thought that I was ready

486
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:04,880
Speaker 6: to say goodbriteing him. There's a bit in this in

487
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:08,280
Speaker 6: this book and in the show, a passage that says,

488
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,919
Speaker 6: my brother's ashes are in a sandwich bag, and one

489
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,840
Speaker 6: day I will put him somewhere better, or I will

490
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:18,160
Speaker 6: possibly displace him in a move. And someone, this wonderful

491
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:22,840
Speaker 6: fan who's become a friend, restored this beautiful antique box

492
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,520
Speaker 6: and brought it to the taping of the show because

493
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:28,399
Speaker 6: the show is a special on Paramount Plus. He brought

494
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 6: that to the taping and said, here's somewhere. You always

495
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,000
Speaker 6: say you want somewhere better for your brother's ashues, So

496
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:33,760
Speaker 6: here's somewhere.

497
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:33,920
Speaker 5: To put them.

498
00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 4: And I put them in there. And then I got

499
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 4: the off Broadway season, and then I had the book,

500
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:40,320
Speaker 4: so I took them out. I took them out because

501
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:41,199
Speaker 4: I didn't want to lie.

502
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:42,679
Speaker 6: I didn't want to stand on stage every night say

503
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,240
Speaker 6: my brother's ashes are in a sandwich bag and they're

504
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:45,240
Speaker 6: in this shitty tibo box.

505
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:45,840
Speaker 4: I didn't want to lie.

506
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:48,160
Speaker 6: I wanted to be honest, and so I put them

507
00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:51,200
Speaker 6: back in the shitty box, and then they sat next

508
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:53,639
Speaker 6: to the beautiful box. And then when I wrote the

509
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,360
Speaker 6: book and I had to hand it in the day,

510
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:57,920
Speaker 6: I had to hand it in, which was awful.

511
00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,280
Speaker 4: I hated giving it back because I spent him shime

512
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:00,960
Speaker 4: with my brother.

513
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,240
Speaker 6: I spent so much time with my father, and I'd

514
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,480
Speaker 6: spent so much time with my younger self.

515
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,360
Speaker 4: Who I have such a yearning for. I love her.

516
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,960
Speaker 4: When I was seventeen, I was ugly, I was overweight,

517
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,760
Speaker 4: I was so sexy, so confident. I was the best

518
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 4: girl you've ever seen. I was so I couldn't do

519
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:22,360
Speaker 4: most things. And I love that girl. She was so wonderful.

520
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:24,679
Speaker 6: And to spend all that time with all those people

521
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,080
Speaker 6: to have to hand it back.

522
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,719
Speaker 4: Was so heartbreaking. I could so ki. I didn't want

523
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:30,920
Speaker 4: to give it back. I didn't want to say goodbye

524
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:31,400
Speaker 4: to those people.

525
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 6: And I gave it back and I put the ashes

526
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 6: in the box and I went, okay, now what.

527
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:42,120
Speaker 4: So it took a fucking while. I asked, how does

528
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:42,960
Speaker 4: now what feel?

529
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:44,120
Speaker 9: Well?

530
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 4: I got bangs. Thank you. I feel I feel like

531
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 4: now what feels like? I don't know.

532
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 6: I mean, it's funny because I I built a profile

533
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,800
Speaker 6: on that cancer girl a bit. Everyone knows me as

534
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,120
Speaker 6: like that girl from Lots of Things, that girl from

535
00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:06,920
Speaker 6: Auntie Donna, that girl from Sean maccarl Loft, that girl

536
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:07,960
Speaker 6: from blah blah blah.

537
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:09,040
Speaker 4: I've seen you on something.

538
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 6: And then I stepped into my own, you know, double

539
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:13,920
Speaker 6: Denner and stuff.

540
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:15,359
Speaker 4: And then I came and I was like, here's me

541
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:16,639
Speaker 4: as a storyteller.

542
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,639
Speaker 6: He's my solo show, and here it is in the

543
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,200
Speaker 6: US and the UK, and here's all the versions of it.

544
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,159
Speaker 6: And everyone went, yeah, that's the girl. She's very you

545
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:29,119
Speaker 6: know that. And I did three shows that felt like

546
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 6: a trilogy of like philosophy, Comedy is philosophy because I

547
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,919
Speaker 6: wanted to be like a Ted talk but fun and

548
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,119
Speaker 6: with songs because I'm.

549
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:38,680
Speaker 4: Really good at singing.

550
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:45,639
Speaker 6: And then now I feel like it's something new, and

551
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:49,400
Speaker 6: what I want to write about now feels like, honestly,

552
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:52,960
Speaker 6: what I'm so interested in now is like fame and feeling.

553
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 3: Ashamed of the parts of you that you should never

554
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,919
Speaker 3: be ashamed of you of And I don't know, just

555
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 3: looking at that girl who did all those shows and

556
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 3: being like, oh, she was so good, Like I just

557
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,439
Speaker 3: feel like a new woman.

558
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:06,800
Speaker 4: And it's not just the bands.

559
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 7: I'm very happy to hit that as someone who has

560
00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:14,719
Speaker 7: the you know you've created is your finding yourself. With us,

561
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 7: we find ourself in an economic situation where we're like,

562
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 7: I'm gonna I kind of like living here.

563
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:19,920
Speaker 2: I don't want to leave.

564
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,919
Speaker 7: We're gonna need more money, gonna And when you're in

565
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 7: the game that you're in, you're like, I'm onily gonna

566
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 7: make more money if I make something, And he's a

567
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:28,720
Speaker 7: big empty.

568
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 5: Page in front of me.

569
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,639
Speaker 7: What's it feel like to kind of have the is

570
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,200
Speaker 7: it a nebulous idea? And just I know I'm gonna

571
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:39,679
Speaker 7: be okay because I have a confidence. I've done it

572
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:41,400
Speaker 7: so many times before. I know I'll be all right.

573
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 5: Or is it I've written those things through a similar lens. Oh,

574
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 5: she to want to you know, what is it?

575
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:49,520
Speaker 2: What's happening there?

576
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 4: I feel confident in my voice and I think I

577
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:57,639
Speaker 4: feel like I know what I want to do and

578
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 4: I need to just trust that because I trusted in

579
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,080
Speaker 4: the past. And the night before opening night, I think

580
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:05,160
Speaker 4: I'm a fraud. It's awful. Ever, it's gonna hate it,

581
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 4: like I just didn't add a Refringe where I felt

582
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:08,439
Speaker 4: like absolute dog shift.

583
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:10,720
Speaker 6: I came home and I was like, well, that was

584
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,760
Speaker 6: a waste of time, And then all.

585
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,920
Speaker 4: My UK managers were like, congrats, you're one of the

586
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 4: most review shows at the Fringe.

587
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,360
Speaker 6: You sold really well lahmahma, And I was like, I

588
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:19,480
Speaker 6: didn't take in any of that.

589
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:24,199
Speaker 4: So I think it's hard. It's hard to take that

590
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:27,480
Speaker 4: on and trust it. But I'm trying now to.

591
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,400
Speaker 6: Just go it's been fine in the past, it will

592
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 6: be fine in the future, and if it's not, then

593
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:36,240
Speaker 6: the gift of Grief is perspective right then, And even

594
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 6: if I don't, if I lose, if no one ever

595
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:39,359
Speaker 6: stops me in the street and asks me for.

596
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:42,120
Speaker 4: A sealthie ever again, at least I don't have cancer.

597
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 4: And if I do get.

598
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 6: Cancer, at least I got to be famous.

599
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 4: And that's actually called balance.

600
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:55,400
Speaker 7: Twenty four shows and twenty five days is no Joe.

601
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:58,000
Speaker 5: What does it look like to.

602
00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:58,320
Speaker 4: Be sure that you're gonna be there?

603
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,880
Speaker 5: You know, show twelve to fourty eight.

604
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 4: I don't think it's me. I think it's them. I

605
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,199
Speaker 4: think it's you. I think I'm the literal definition of

606
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:07,840
Speaker 4: an extravert. Like I get on stage.

607
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:09,840
Speaker 6: I could be backstage and Tim's in the audience right now,

608
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,360
Speaker 6: to Tim, my beautiful partner of Tim, who's in all

609
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 6: my shows, all of my one woman with one man

610
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:17,879
Speaker 6: in them shows, and I'm backstage and I'm like this odd,

611
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:19,119
Speaker 6: I'm not gonna hear sincer.

612
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 4: I walk on, I see you guys, audience, and I go, fuck, yeah,

613
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 4: what a fucking time, My guys. It's them, And if

614
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:29,159
Speaker 4: it's if it's a set, then it's the crew. It's like,

615
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,680
Speaker 4: it's the people, it's the energy from the people. It's

616
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:33,920
Speaker 4: never it's nothing I do.

617
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:35,840
Speaker 6: I wish I could say, like, oh, I trained and

618
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:40,159
Speaker 6: I I have a really good warm up. Nah, I

619
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 6: just get the sillies when I'm in front of people,

620
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 6: and it gets me through.

621
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:46,359
Speaker 5: What is it about that, though, because I can relate

622
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 5: to that quite a bit.

623
00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:51,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, you get the sillies Offen, you get the absolutely

624
00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 6: you get so excited.

625
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:56,119
Speaker 7: In the most ridiculous place, especially I was supposed to

626
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 7: be canny flowers and a wispery voice.

627
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,200
Speaker 5: Just the preposterousness of it all.

628
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:06,840
Speaker 7: Just I get I start corpsing in front of some guys,

629
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 7: crying because person doesn't want to root him.

630
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,359
Speaker 5: All those apps and you're still upset.

631
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:21,680
Speaker 4: All right, says you. U came here in your arms

632
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:25,960
Speaker 4: out grow up. He was they die, he had the

633
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 4: guns out. He put him away out of respect.

634
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 5: But he's act And I've only gone one Peter Allen.

635
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:32,400
Speaker 6: I was going to do it too, but I don't

636
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,040
Speaker 6: know why Peter all are Yeah, it's only five o'clock,

637
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:35,680
Speaker 6: look out.

638
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 7: Yeah all lord if I'm fifty, all right, so I've

639
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:42,320
Speaker 7: got to Yeah, I've had.

640
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,120
Speaker 4: Three hip replacements and we're hearing age.

641
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 7: You've gotta fucking lift stuff.

642
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 4: You have to look after yourself. You yourself.

643
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,200
Speaker 5: The doctor, my mom, both my parents of doctors the way.

644
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 4: Okay, what the fuck the one who died mom? Excuse me,

645
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 4: don't you joke about my dead mother? Sorry, bud, she

646
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:00,360
Speaker 4: said I was rich.

647
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 7: She always used to say, over the age of forty,

648
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 7: you've got to make your body your hobby.

649
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, because it's really.

650
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 7: Smart, because what happens is you start to just start.

651
00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:13,920
Speaker 5: To lose it and then it's a very slippery, fucking slow.

652
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:17,000
Speaker 4: Okay, I saw him inspiring. Come with my son forty,

653
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:20,480
Speaker 4: I will go to the gym now an osaka you

654
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 4: all know idea plas.

655
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:22,440
Speaker 12: Yeah.

656
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 7: And so my oldest stepdaughter, she's astounding pilates astracta.

657
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:29,720
Speaker 4: See. Yeah, I'm really particular about my fitness.

658
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:30,000
Speaker 9: People.

659
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:32,360
Speaker 5: I'm like, don't I don't need to train it? Oh god,

660
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:33,879
Speaker 5: got o. See, I'll go to a fucking gym and

661
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 5: do it right. Yeah shit, But I've taken her classes

662
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 5: and she is cruel.

663
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 4: I love it.

664
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 5: What do you get out of, you know, doing that

665
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 5: sort of stuff. What do you go because I'm YOGURTI

666
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 5: thing you know.

667
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 4: Out of doing like exercises even though you just joke

668
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,240
Speaker 4: that you don't do it. No, I do. I love.

669
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:54,239
Speaker 6: I get up every morning at six thirty am and

670
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,200
Speaker 6: I meet a group of girls at seven am for

671
00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 6: coffees and walks with our dogs, and we do literally

672
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 6: just five kilometers just walking.

673
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:04,960
Speaker 4: We walk for five kilometers and we talk about our lives.

674
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 4: And it's before we check out.

675
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 6: Emails, before we go on social media, before we do

676
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:09,360
Speaker 6: anything like shout out to Karla.

677
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 4: Helen, who's here. She's in the walking group, the walking

678
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 4: group like Corey Hill seventy s. But it's it's wonderful,

679
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 4: And I notice the difference when I don't have it.

680
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 4: I do that and then I do.

681
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 6: Yeah yoga and Pilarate's because I'm scared that I'm gonna

682
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,200
Speaker 6: fucking die off. Like ninety seven percent chance that I

683
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 6: will get cancer is what this doctor said to me.

684
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 6: And so how am I supposed to move forward and not?

685
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 4: I mean, this is whiskey, let's be honest. I am

686
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 4: trying to find.

687
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:40,840
Speaker 6: A balance of enjoying my life and indulging in the

688
00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:43,240
Speaker 6: hedonism that is, you know, the showbiz that I dreamed

689
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 6: of being in and was a weird kid and got

690
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:47,840
Speaker 6: to grow up and be in, which is so nice

691
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:49,920
Speaker 6: for a weird kid to grow up and be like, oh,

692
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 6: people like me and people want to hang out with me,

693
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 6: And I like, I wasn't that weird. I want to

694
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 6: be clear, but like, but I was upset. I was

695
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 6: a strange kid, and I want to do her service.

696
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:02,719
Speaker 6: I want to do her the service of like staying

697
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 6: out late and like Neil Patrick Harris is at Fringebar,

698
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 6: hang out with Neil Patrick Harris even though he is

699
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:13,960
Speaker 6: hanging around for too long. Why he's very famous and

700
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:17,000
Speaker 6: that's very cool. I forgot it was a podcast. I've

701
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 6: got this podcast, keep it in, but like, give us

702
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:23,720
Speaker 6: us like a famous person around that You're like, this

703
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:26,200
Speaker 6: is a famous American person from my childhood. I'm going

704
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 6: to hang out with you because it's my because it's

705
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 6: my childhood version of me's opportunity to hang out with

706
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:37,200
Speaker 6: you and be treated as a peer, because she fucking.

707
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:39,000
Speaker 4: Deserved that because everyone told her she was too weird.

708
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 6: And then also trying to balance like but also I

709
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 6: need to go home and I need to sleep because

710
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 6: I have three shows every night, and I need to

711
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 6: look after my body because I don't know how long

712
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 6: it has before it starts to break.

713
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 5: But none of us do. That's just face.

714
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 4: That's true, That's exactly. That's what I say in my book,

715
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 4: My brother's ashes doing at.

716
00:30:57,440 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 5: Available for sale after the show?

717
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, and it come buy it. They don't come

718
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 4: and then not buy it. That's so crazy.

719
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 7: Yeah, you know, there is something about the weird kid

720
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 7: that you mentioned, and I definitely do am reading your book.

721
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 7: I did relate to it enormously because I went to

722
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 7: I went to an all boys rugby school.

723
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 5: No yeah, and I.

724
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:22,160
Speaker 4: Was not too rugby as all.

725
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,240
Speaker 7: And these guys spend their Wednesday and Thursday afternoons with

726
00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 7: their heads rammed between each other's assholes and scrums. But

727
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 7: that could be fun or shirt, Yes, not quite as

728
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 7: much fun as hanging out in the wings trying to

729
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 7: shimmer your way between theater flats with the r Hallos

730
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 7: girls at musical practice.

731
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:41,560
Speaker 4: Oh my god, we lay better.

732
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,479
Speaker 6: Sorry, you were the straight boy from the boys' school

733
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 6: in the musicals.

734
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:49,960
Speaker 4: Of course you was the bachelor and that's crazy. Of

735
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 4: course you've become you.

736
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 13: Yeah, and I loved the shit out of it. It

737
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 13: was like, oh my god, oh here, oh good, this

738
00:31:57,720 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 13: is good. People aren't punching me and giving me dead

739
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 13: because I don't know what a rock is.

740
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're just in line to give you a hande of.

741
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 7: And so when I read the bit in your book

742
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 7: about the cast parties, I was like, I think I went.

743
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:14,080
Speaker 4: To the wrong ones.

744
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:16,880
Speaker 6: Yes, you know you and he mentioned both said that

745
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 6: very specifically.

746
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:19,760
Speaker 4: I was like, I don't know if this is generational

747
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 4: because you are for me to read that you.

748
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 7: Do actually, because this is like I do this every

749
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:27,200
Speaker 7: night with a five year old.

750
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:29,760
Speaker 5: I read out loud to him, and now that's going

751
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 5: to happen with you.

752
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 4: I'm just going to read.

753
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:33,080
Speaker 6: I'm just going to read the end of this chapter

754
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 6: because I do have family hearn it's a little bit rud.

755
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 7: Here is the thing as a parent of someone who's

756
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 7: been through her teen years, they all know you were.

757
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 4: Routine, I know.

758
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,760
Speaker 6: But also like my mentor and drama teacher from the

759
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:46,680
Speaker 6: time is also here, and I don't know if you.

760
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 9: Want to.

761
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:53,800
Speaker 7: Also here all someday like you see a young man

762
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 7: or a young woman, you're like, there's something different about

763
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 7: their gate and you're.

764
00:32:56,840 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 4: Like, they know something they didn't know, don't were they

765
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:04,360
Speaker 4: had a directly breakfas all right, okay, I'm just gonna

766
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 4: read the under this.

767
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 6: It's a tact called I got all my sex dumb.

768
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:11,000
Speaker 6: I loved how grown up I was for having sex.

769
00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:13,000
Speaker 6: I felt sexy because j Loo had a body type

770
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 6: like mine, and people told me she was sexy, and

771
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:17,680
Speaker 6: so I felt allowed to be sexy as well. Even

772
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 6: though I hadn't grown into my face yet, I wasn't

773
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 6: self conscious. I was in love with free love. Lots

774
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:24,480
Speaker 6: of my friends from the theater group were the same.

775
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:28,320
Speaker 6: Shout out withverena Young People's Theater, Mark Greuntel, You're not

776
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 6: legally responsible for theirs. We were all throwing ourselves at

777
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 6: each other our parties.

778
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 4: We set up all night.

779
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 6: We sat up at night in a pile of young

780
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,920
Speaker 6: men and women figuring out what felt good with what bodies,

781
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 6: Girls kissing girls and boys kissing boys, a rotating sea

782
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 6: of mouths and thighs and skin, drifting in and out,

783
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 6: dozing as the sun came up, hands sliding through sheets,

784
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 6: parted lips and bead teeth.

785
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:52,440
Speaker 4: It should have been awkward, but boxed wine.

786
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 6: And trust in each other drowned our insecurities, and we

787
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 6: were present, curious and horny in the way the teens

788
00:33:57,800 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 6: are always horny and deeply in love with each other

789
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,240
Speaker 6: and themselves. And I remember thinking to myself, I hope

790
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 6: sex is always like this, surprising.

791
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 4: Revealing and tender.

792
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:09,000
Speaker 14: And then I grew up and I became aware of

793
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:11,280
Speaker 14: my body and her flaws, and I have never felt

794
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 14: the same, except when I am singing my guts out

795
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:16,319
Speaker 14: on stage or in a very fast car, when I

796
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 14: drink whiskey. It is this feeling I am chasing. It's

797
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 14: a shame it cannot come to me quietly. A body

798
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 14: is best left unexamined.

799
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 4: I just it was a certain sort of.

800
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 6: Ze.

801
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:33,240
Speaker 7: I mean, we all remember when the those little inklings

802
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 7: of our sexuality showed up, right, And when I read that,

803
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:40,440
Speaker 7: it was, you know, so rarely, as certainly as the

804
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:42,359
Speaker 7: boy from an all boys school. I had no idea

805
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:44,239
Speaker 7: what girls thought about sex, all right.

806
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:46,920
Speaker 4: It was just what I learned from movies and magazines.

807
00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 5: There was no Internet, it was a long time ago.

808
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 5: So to hear you talk.

809
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 7: About that, it was such a just a beautiful thing

810
00:34:54,719 --> 00:35:01,239
Speaker 7: to understand. And the trust that you described was just yeah, yeah,

811
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:02,840
Speaker 7: I went to the wrong parties, But yes, it was

812
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:05,520
Speaker 7: so lovely and very careous, very generous of you to

813
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:09,840
Speaker 7: put that out there, because so often, certainly when you

814
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:11,759
Speaker 7: spoke about the boys and boys and girls and girls.

815
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:16,320
Speaker 5: We are shamey on people for, you know, showing their sexuality.

816
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:18,279
Speaker 4: You can't leave the house wearing.

817
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 6: That yeah or such, no, and it's a part of

818
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:21,759
Speaker 6: you and you can't help, but you can't get away

819
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:25,360
Speaker 6: from it. Like I think it's it's such an interesting

820
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:27,360
Speaker 6: time and such a romantic time and such a wonderful

821
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 6: time to write about.

822
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 4: And that's why I'm so like, I love spending so.

823
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,360
Speaker 6: Much time with myself as a teenager because all of

824
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 6: the things that I've done now in my career are

825
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 6: just because of all the things that she wanted, and

826
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 6: like I just I'm just so proud of her for

827
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 6: doing all these things which she was so weird and

828
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:45,800
Speaker 6: like she she was like they didn't have straighteners yet

829
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:49,719
Speaker 6: I had the worst hair in the world, but I

830
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:53,480
Speaker 6: use I use my first paycheck ever to buy a

831
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 6: GHD hair straight back because I was.

832
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:57,040
Speaker 4: Like, I need to look like the other girls, like

833
00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 4: you know, but you have that.

834
00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:59,799
Speaker 6: But I also, at the same time as having that,

835
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,720
Speaker 6: had this like, yes, this is something that I'm allowed

836
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:03,720
Speaker 6: to do and something that I'm.

837
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 4: Allowed to be.

838
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:05,640
Speaker 6: And I think that's part of being a theater kids.

839
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 6: Where's my theater kids? As if there's not all of you.

840
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 4: I didn't have any cool fans grow up, and I

841
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:13,359
Speaker 4: don't want any.

842
00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 6: Yeah, but it's really I don't know. I just think

843
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:22,160
Speaker 6: there's something really romantic about being a teenager and discovering

844
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 6: your sexuality and so.

845
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 4: Much time we say, like, you know, I feel like

846
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 4: being an adult.

847
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:29,319
Speaker 6: We're so frightened of it, and my soul especially like

848
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:33,280
Speaker 6: you know, people who you know, just everyone actually really everyone.

849
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:35,239
Speaker 4: You can get frightened of saying what you want. When

850
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 4: you're a teenager, anything goes because it's all new and

851
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 4: you have no shame.

852
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:40,839
Speaker 6: And I think that's well, you have shame, but it's

853
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 6: equal among everything, and I think that's really beautiful.

854
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:46,719
Speaker 7: I couldn't agree. I couldn't agree more. You mentioned that

855
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:50,799
Speaker 7: you're the theater mentor at the time teacher at the

856
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:51,480
Speaker 7: time is in the road.

857
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's been friend my entire life. You directed the

858
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:54,560
Speaker 4: first feature film I.

859
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 7: Was ever in, Glorious Can you tell me and if

860
00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:58,840
Speaker 7: you will, because I know, you know, we all have

861
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:01,480
Speaker 7: that kind of person in our life. Is there something

862
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 7: that this person taught you early on that stays vide

863
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 7: you every time you walk on stage.

864
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:09,399
Speaker 5: Is something that you still use every day?

865
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:14,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, honestly. I remember one of the.

866
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:15,840
Speaker 6: First I was in this group called River in the

867
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 6: Young People's Theater, which is in that book as a

868
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:23,759
Speaker 6: list of tattoos that I nearly got. And it was

869
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:27,280
Speaker 6: like an after school drama thing where all the weirdest,

870
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 6: all the different schools would come. And I remember Mark

871
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,919
Speaker 6: saying to us, I know, you think it's funny if

872
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:36,800
Speaker 6: you tell the audience that it's funny, but that's actually

873
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:39,720
Speaker 6: being safe. If you tell the audience that it is true,

874
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 6: then it is much funnier. And I've carried that through

875
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:44,640
Speaker 6: my light and I think that's why I booked almost

876
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:45,920
Speaker 6: every single job.

877
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 4: I've ever booked, is because if you.

878
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:51,279
Speaker 6: Know it's funny, but you believe it is true, it

879
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 6: is so much it is.

880
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 4: It's so much funnier.

881
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:56,880
Speaker 6: Then if you're like, oh, that's silly, like it's you know,

882
00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 6: I mean, I love clowning, don't be silly.

883
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 4: But like you know, if you can.

884
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:03,680
Speaker 6: Play something straight that it should not be played straight,

885
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 6: it's much funnier.

886
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:07,839
Speaker 4: And I think that was a really important lesson for me. Also,

887
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 4: the generosity Mark used to play. This is hi Mark.

888
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 6: Mark used to pay people's fees who couldn't afford And

889
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:16,160
Speaker 6: I don't think he even knows that.

890
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:16,640
Speaker 5: We knew that.

891
00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:19,200
Speaker 6: But if your fees came up and you hadn't paid them,

892
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:21,600
Speaker 6: he would just pay them.

893
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:27,279
Speaker 4: And yeah, basically you had a lot of money. And

894
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:30,240
Speaker 4: then the same haven for the weird kids.

895
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,000
Speaker 5: Oh yes, with people just worn up the wall. People

896
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 5: just want to, you know, be a part of something. Yeah,

897
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:36,960
Speaker 5: you know, that's it.

898
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:41,319
Speaker 7: Even the fucking Boys Club who go arking in the

899
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:43,520
Speaker 7: dandenongs and talk about.

900
00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:46,200
Speaker 4: How high their plants are growing through where they are

901
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 4: all boys.

902
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:48,880
Speaker 5: You know, balaclava hikes.

903
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:50,279
Speaker 4: They just want to be a part of something. They

904
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 4: just want to be a part of something. Yeah, they

905
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 4: just want to be We have different boys in our lives.

906
00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:56,680
Speaker 9: I don't know.

907
00:38:56,719 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 4: Man, Like you're from Victoria, like you what a Nazis

908
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 4: stand there? There are six and the police know where

909
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 4: they do? You know what necessary in my book about

910
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:11,759
Speaker 4: this neo Nazi apologies, but we were I.

911
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 6: Was on one of my little world and this guy

912
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 6: was like dinging dinging, dinging his bell and it was

913
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:17,280
Speaker 6: so fucking annoying.

914
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:20,480
Speaker 4: And Karla turned around her cyclist. He was a cyclist

915
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,960
Speaker 4: them all this is sea cycles here. He was a

916
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,919
Speaker 4: cyclist and he he was dinging his bell. Kyla turned

917
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 4: around and goes, that's enough. And he got off his

918
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:32,840
Speaker 4: bike and he said point bell and then he said

919
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:37,840
Speaker 4: and then he said Tubby Ratuler and.

920
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 6: Then he said respect my bell again, which is really

921
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:44,879
Speaker 6: undermining the power of the Nazis. Crowded away and we

922
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 6: felt so safe because unbodows to him.

923
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:50,160
Speaker 4: One of the dogs that we have was a terribly abused.

924
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:53,200
Speaker 15: Rescue like mastiff cross that is like he's got one eye.

925
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:55,760
Speaker 4: He always looks friendly, but he's ready to fucking kill anyone.

926
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:57,920
Speaker 4: So we were like, what did you say?

927
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:02,400
Speaker 6: And then like, can you imagine like rescue staffy attacks

928
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,360
Speaker 6: neo Nazi saves five girls.

929
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 4: It's great. So my experience with them has been actually

930
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:13,879
Speaker 4: really buddy. So they're announci out there. I say, blessed raw,

931
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:16,120
Speaker 4: just taking.

932
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:18,480
Speaker 2: A moment away from Michelle to play some ads back in.

933
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:25,760
Speaker 7: A second, what is it do you think that keeps

934
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:27,880
Speaker 7: you in the door because you go back, you make

935
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 7: a show each year, there's plenty of people that don't

936
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:29,839
Speaker 7: come back.

937
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:31,799
Speaker 5: The next year, there's plenty of people that don't sell again.

938
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 7: What is it about the way that you approach this

939
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:39,200
Speaker 7: in a deliberate way that keeps that the growth? Having

940
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:42,200
Speaker 7: talent is does Talent doesn't stay around. Talent opens the

941
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,680
Speaker 7: door for you. Work is the thing that keeps human.

942
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:47,279
Speaker 7: You approach this in a deliberate fashion. What is it

943
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,799
Speaker 7: about the way do you approach it? And is there

944
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 7: a deliberate way that you do so approach to be

945
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 7: sure that it keeps the momentum and keeps growing well.

946
00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 6: I always decide when I'm running a show, I always

947
00:40:57,640 --> 00:40:58,920
Speaker 6: decide how I want.

948
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:01,400
Speaker 4: The audience to feel first. So that's the place that

949
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:02,080
Speaker 4: I work from.

950
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,040
Speaker 6: And I tried to never get tricked into the trap

951
00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:07,880
Speaker 6: of writing a show for other comedians or other artists,

952
00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:09,440
Speaker 6: which you can is such a trap.

953
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:12,160
Speaker 4: And if you're creative here, please don't get in that trap.

954
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:13,839
Speaker 4: Don't worry about what they think about you. They don't

955
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:15,640
Speaker 4: have disposable income, so it actually doesn't matter.

956
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 6: But also what they will respond to, what anyone in

957
00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 6: responds to is just you being just genuine and authentic.

958
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 6: And I think that's really important and much harder than

959
00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:26,720
Speaker 6: it sounds. But yeah, I just go, Okay, I'm interested

960
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 6: in this. So, for example, right now, writing about shame

961
00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:31,399
Speaker 6: and about the things that we say about people. There's

962
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:33,280
Speaker 6: a story in this book that is in the show.

963
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:35,600
Speaker 6: That's this boy called Ashley in year six.

964
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:36,400
Speaker 4: He asked me.

965
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 6: He said to me, it's a shame we won't be

966
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 6: friends next year. And I said, but we're going at

967
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,480
Speaker 6: the same high school. And he said, yeah, but I think, like,

968
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 6: I don't know if people at high school will like you,

969
00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:51,840
Speaker 6: and exactly that's what I said. And I think it

970
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:53,759
Speaker 6: was the first time I was ever arbored and the

971
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 6: first time I ever ever realized I was not like

972
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 6: the other kids, or not like the other girls or whatever.

973
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,759
Speaker 6: And he so I've gone back to him, and I

974
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:04,240
Speaker 6: think I wanted to write about, like, how what's everyone's

975
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:06,239
Speaker 6: version about, because every single person has a version of

976
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 6: I accept this to me one time, and I never

977
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 6: forgot it, and I believed it even though they'll never

978
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:13,840
Speaker 6: remember it. It's something I took on and I have

979
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 6: to carry on my shoulders every fucking day. And I

980
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:18,960
Speaker 6: just recently got in contact with actual regards to talk

981
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:20,520
Speaker 6: to him about that, and I'm using that as the

982
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 6: basis of the show.

983
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 4: And also, like the one.

984
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:26,319
Speaker 6: Bad review I ever got my entire life, I'm it

985
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:29,680
Speaker 6: sent me into a talespin, absolute talespin. And I really

986
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 6: I didn't think I cared that much about what people

987
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 6: thought of me, but it hurt me so much.

988
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:36,839
Speaker 16: Because it's all through me and hit my class chip

989
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:39,240
Speaker 16: on my shoulder that when you went to a public school,

990
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 16: you work in an artistic space, but actually you're just

991
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 16: from Walgart team Pregnancy Couple of Australia.

992
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:46,319
Speaker 6: Everyone can see through you. Everyone knows you didn't pay

993
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:49,239
Speaker 6: for those clothes. Everyone knows everything, Like everyone knows you're

994
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:49,879
Speaker 6: not naturally born.

995
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:52,279
Speaker 4: Everyone fucking knows and that we all have that.

996
00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 6: And I'm really interested in that because I've been telling

997
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 6: all these stories about.

998
00:42:56,400 --> 00:43:00,239
Speaker 4: Like how we should behave but never like go on, hey,

999
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:02,320
Speaker 4: how do you feel?

1000
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:04,720
Speaker 6: And so I think, coming from a place of being

1001
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:07,839
Speaker 6: interested in that, then I go, Okay, well I want

1002
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:10,120
Speaker 6: the audience to feel healed of whatever that shame is

1003
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:12,399
Speaker 6: for them. And so that's how I'm creating that show.

1004
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:14,160
Speaker 12: And it's always been like that, like I always had

1005
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 12: a through line for a show like a specific word

1006
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:21,440
Speaker 12: that is that show. And then I just write the

1007
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:23,560
Speaker 12: story and I write the songs. But it's always it's

1008
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,360
Speaker 12: always true, and it's always them focused.

1009
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 6: As much as I try to get in the way

1010
00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:30,360
Speaker 6: about myself, I do it.

1011
00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:32,360
Speaker 4: Because I do because I want an ego, like a crape,

1012
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:35,279
Speaker 4: like I'm mad. It's true, it's true. I wrote a

1013
00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 4: whole memoir. I'm so young. I have an insane ego.

1014
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:43,680
Speaker 4: We have to be honest about this. It's not a memoir.

1015
00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:44,800
Speaker 5: It's a half time report.

1016
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:47,360
Speaker 4: It's a half time report half time so it's not

1017
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:51,319
Speaker 4: a fun time depends on what go now.

1018
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:54,480
Speaker 5: There is a there's a guitar box here on stage.

1019
00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 4: Oh is it time? No? No, No, I'm going to

1020
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:56,839
Speaker 4: get there.

1021
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,800
Speaker 7: I'm just I'm just trying to draw an arc between

1022
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:01,920
Speaker 7: now the final beat of the show. When did you

1023
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:04,799
Speaker 7: know that you thought or felt about music differently to

1024
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:05,480
Speaker 7: other people?

1025
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:06,120
Speaker 6: Oh?

1026
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:09,120
Speaker 4: I always loved singing, I was. I love music so much.

1027
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:11,120
Speaker 4: I mean, I think I just feel it a lot.

1028
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:13,200
Speaker 4: And I don't know if it's because like, well, I

1029
00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:14,120
Speaker 4: was dramatic, aren't I?

1030
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:17,240
Speaker 6: Like, I'm obviously very dramatic, and I think I I

1031
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 6: listened to music and I was like, oh my god,

1032
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:21,240
Speaker 6: whereas other people be like this song is lovely.

1033
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:23,880
Speaker 15: Last night I was crying about Lady Gaga just because

1034
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:28,719
Speaker 15: she's real. Like last night, we went back and we

1035
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:32,799
Speaker 15: watched the VMA's performance of Paparazzi where she sings harmonies

1036
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:36,000
Speaker 15: with her own song, which no one's singing the melody of.

1037
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:38,560
Speaker 4: The entire and then she has a piano and then

1038
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:39,360
Speaker 4: she's bleeding.

1039
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:42,960
Speaker 6: It's incredible, and I just I think, listen, I think

1040
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 6: I had a babysitter when I was about five years old.

1041
00:44:45,719 --> 00:44:47,359
Speaker 4: Music was always like in my family, but they were

1042
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:49,560
Speaker 4: very sporty. My mum saying at.

1043
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:51,920
Speaker 6: Church and stuff like that, and my uncle sings in

1044
00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:55,280
Speaker 6: the church choir, and that's what we have in common, and.

1045
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:59,319
Speaker 4: Like, you know, and I think, like, I just I

1046
00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:00,719
Speaker 4: met this baby and she was.

1047
00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:03,239
Speaker 6: Like she had no shoes, she had a dog, she

1048
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 6: grew her own strawberries, and she like just was like

1049
00:45:06,239 --> 00:45:09,120
Speaker 6: this freestyle crazy woman who like loved country music.

1050
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:12,120
Speaker 4: Name is Pam. She'd have border Collie and she was

1051
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:14,879
Speaker 4: just so incredible. I met her and I was like, oh,

1052
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 4: I could beat you. I'd never let an adult before

1053
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 4: that I was like, I could beat you.

1054
00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:20,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, I saw her and I went that and she

1055
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:21,800
Speaker 6: loved music, and so I love music.

1056
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 4: But I always, I always I.

1057
00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:25,879
Speaker 6: Wanted to be a I wanted to be a pop

1058
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 6: starsh I wanted when you were Andrew G.

1059
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:32,000
Speaker 4: I wanted you to play my video clip. I wanted to. Yeah,

1060
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:33,480
Speaker 4: thank you so much for saying.

1061
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:35,520
Speaker 7: But I would now, I would try to talk you

1062
00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:37,120
Speaker 7: out of it now because it costs way too much

1063
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:38,480
Speaker 7: money and nobody watches them.

1064
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:39,279
Speaker 4: No, it's good.

1065
00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 6: It's actually better to be in comedy and acting, which

1066
00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 6: is a surprise, but thank god I am.

1067
00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:48,200
Speaker 5: But yeah, So having music as a part of what

1068
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 5: it is that.

1069
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 7: You do, how does that allow you to tell some

1070
00:45:52,719 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 7: of the stickiest stuff or talk about some of the

1071
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 7: more difficult things.

1072
00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:57,400
Speaker 5: And why is that other people come up?

1073
00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 6: Well, I think that one of the Yeah, it's a

1074
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,879
Speaker 6: kind of an advantage that I have because I can sing,

1075
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:03,960
Speaker 6: and I've always.

1076
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,600
Speaker 4: Been able to sing. I'm very lucky that I can

1077
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:05,960
Speaker 4: do that.

1078
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:08,880
Speaker 6: And so if you have a nice voice and you

1079
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:11,080
Speaker 6: can sing something and make it sound very beautiful, then

1080
00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:14,120
Speaker 6: you can say the most dirty stuff and the saddest

1081
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:14,759
Speaker 6: stuff as well.

1082
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:17,160
Speaker 4: You can get away with more, like people will sit

1083
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:21,080
Speaker 4: and listen to you sing the fingering shehit for examful

1084
00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 4: or you know, things that maybe would be.

1085
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:26,359
Speaker 17: Like aha if it was somebody who was okay, but

1086
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:30,480
Speaker 17: people are like the funniness is in the juxtare position

1087
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:33,640
Speaker 17: between the beauty of the music and the quality of

1088
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:36,279
Speaker 17: the music and the foulness.

1089
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:36,560
Speaker 4: Of the lyrics.

1090
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:38,560
Speaker 6: And I think that's one of the places where comedy

1091
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:40,400
Speaker 6: lives the best. I mean, I grew up loving Tim

1092
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:43,880
Speaker 6: and Tripod and people like that, and I think I

1093
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:45,240
Speaker 6: learned from those.

1094
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:48,200
Speaker 4: People, and so I was like, oh, I can do that.

1095
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:50,840
Speaker 6: And when Tripod was doing their three part harmony, and

1096
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:53,080
Speaker 6: I've spoken to Gatesy about this, like at length, but like,

1097
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:55,600
Speaker 6: that was one of the most incredible things I ever

1098
00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:59,240
Speaker 6: saw at the Gala at Comedy Festival, just being like, oh,

1099
00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:01,439
Speaker 6: you can just also sound really nice.

1100
00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:05,600
Speaker 4: You don't have to pretend not to. But also, I

1101
00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:06,640
Speaker 4: think this is my.

1102
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 6: Problem with musical theater is that it should be the best,

1103
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:11,640
Speaker 6: it should be the best of everything.

1104
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:12,000
Speaker 4: And it's often not.

1105
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:15,279
Speaker 6: It often is and you think you hate musicals you

1106
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:19,279
Speaker 6: don't use haven't seen enough, But most of them that

1107
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:22,880
Speaker 6: we see are just remounts of commercial things that are fine,

1108
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:25,520
Speaker 6: and no one's had any real creative input too, because

1109
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:28,359
Speaker 6: they're not allowed. They should be the best thing, because

1110
00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:30,360
Speaker 6: if we're singing and we're dancing, and we're adding it,

1111
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:31,960
Speaker 6: if we can do all of those things so well

1112
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,760
Speaker 6: and we have this incredible lighting budget and this gorgeous design,

1113
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:36,840
Speaker 6: that should be the best version of a story.

1114
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,840
Speaker 4: Because if we're telling a story, it's just storytelling.

1115
00:47:39,680 --> 00:47:41,920
Speaker 6: And you have all these tools, it should be the best.

1116
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 6: But often it's not because the storytelling is at the back.

1117
00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:46,120
Speaker 6: So I think as long as the storytelling is at

1118
00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 6: the front, it doesn't.

1119
00:47:46,719 --> 00:47:47,680
Speaker 4: Matter what tools you're using.

1120
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:50,040
Speaker 6: But if you can use all of them, then it's

1121
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:53,560
Speaker 6: such a trait for an audience because also I do

1122
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:56,840
Speaker 6: a lot of sad stuff, and when I'm doing my

1123
00:47:56,960 --> 00:48:00,320
Speaker 6: comedy shows about sad things, I have three choices. I

1124
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:02,160
Speaker 6: can give you a chance to cry, I can give

1125
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:03,960
Speaker 6: you a chance to sing along, or I can give

1126
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,759
Speaker 6: you a chance to laugh. And either way it is

1127
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:09,440
Speaker 6: a tension release for you. And I'm so aware of

1128
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:11,719
Speaker 6: that as I'm building the shows. I'm so aware of

1129
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:13,560
Speaker 6: how I'm taking you and where I'm leading you, and

1130
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:15,319
Speaker 6: I don't know which one you're going to do, but

1131
00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:17,600
Speaker 6: you have the option to choose. And I think that's

1132
00:48:17,600 --> 00:48:19,960
Speaker 6: the same thing about writing this book. It's like if

1133
00:48:19,960 --> 00:48:21,600
Speaker 6: you're going through grief, if you are faced with a

1134
00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:21,960
Speaker 6: short and.

1135
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,000
Speaker 4: Lights fan, if you are anything like that, if you

1136
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:26,160
Speaker 4: are anything like me, or if you are nothing like

1137
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:28,280
Speaker 4: me and you just want to find meaning in your life,

1138
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:33,480
Speaker 4: you have three choices. You can sing, you can cry.

1139
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:35,560
Speaker 6: Or you can laugh, and you will make different choices

1140
00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:39,440
Speaker 6: every day, but you have the ability to make that choice.

1141
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:43,160
Speaker 4: I beg that's in a pause line right there. Come on,

1142
00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:47,680
Speaker 4: that's a hard take to get to.

1143
00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:51,240
Speaker 5: You as a person, it's difficult to understand.

1144
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 7: We have to have a choice how we respond to things,

1145
00:48:54,480 --> 00:48:56,080
Speaker 7: to think about, to sit there and choose how we

1146
00:48:56,120 --> 00:48:59,040
Speaker 7: might respond to something. It is something you have mentioned

1147
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:03,640
Speaker 7: the how do you deal with news of ninety seven

1148
00:49:03,680 --> 00:49:04,440
Speaker 7: percent chance?

1149
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:06,680
Speaker 4: And I'm I'm sorry.

1150
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:07,040
Speaker 5: The guy's bits.

1151
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:07,839
Speaker 4: I mean it was so shut.

1152
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:08,560
Speaker 5: How do you deal with it?

1153
00:49:08,600 --> 00:49:11,120
Speaker 4: Haws a change? Ike gobut you do? I am?

1154
00:49:12,120 --> 00:49:14,600
Speaker 6: I mean it makes me pat more dogs, I don't

1155
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:17,520
Speaker 6: do you know when you walk past a person and

1156
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:19,759
Speaker 6: you go fuck that, that's a great outfit, But you

1157
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:21,800
Speaker 6: don't know if you should say it because.

1158
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:24,319
Speaker 4: It might be weird. I always say it. I know

1159
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:25,879
Speaker 4: that as a female privileged thing too.

1160
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 6: But I always tell people what I like about them

1161
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:31,600
Speaker 6: and what I'm impressed by because I don't know how

1162
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 6: long I have and I don't know how long they have,

1163
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:36,560
Speaker 6: And I always stop and talk to every stranger I

1164
00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:38,400
Speaker 6: can because I don't know what they might have to offer.

1165
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:42,120
Speaker 6: I'm a big headphones off person, like how I want

1166
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:43,960
Speaker 6: to be as open to the world as I can

1167
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:48,000
Speaker 6: because I don't know. And I feel like I've always

1168
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:50,399
Speaker 6: been curious about people as well, so it's helpful, like

1169
00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 6: I'm not like this happened, and then I became this

1170
00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:54,560
Speaker 6: person who.

1171
00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:55,760
Speaker 4: Was interested in the world and curious.

1172
00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:58,520
Speaker 6: I was always that person, and my parents made such

1173
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:00,719
Speaker 6: a safe world for me. Talk about going to a

1174
00:50:00,719 --> 00:50:02,319
Speaker 6: bit of a rough high school, but they were both

1175
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:04,799
Speaker 6: teachers that we were quite like we owned the house

1176
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:06,480
Speaker 6: by the time I was an adult. I never saw

1177
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 6: them fight, like there was no I grew up quite privileged,

1178
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:12,480
Speaker 6: really for a country kid, I think I was. I

1179
00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:14,239
Speaker 6: thought we were rich. I had no idea you could

1180
00:50:14,239 --> 00:50:17,960
Speaker 6: have a pool like I didn't know, but so I

1181
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:20,400
Speaker 6: thought that the world was a good place, And I

1182
00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:22,640
Speaker 6: always assume that the world is a good place because

1183
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:25,000
Speaker 6: I think we think that we're safe before cynics, but

1184
00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:27,400
Speaker 6: we're not. And if I go, Okay, I'm going to

1185
00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:28,960
Speaker 6: be cynical about this and go oh, I'm going to

1186
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:31,719
Speaker 6: die young anyway, So what's the fucking point. What's the

1187
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 6: point in going to yoga, What's the point in trying

1188
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,000
Speaker 6: to build a career, What's the fucking point in falling

1189
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,600
Speaker 6: in love? What's the point in adopting a dog that's

1190
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:42,680
Speaker 6: not helpful? Being cynical doesn't help you. Being hopeful and

1191
00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:44,560
Speaker 6: assuming the best of people is going to help you

1192
00:50:44,719 --> 00:50:46,719
Speaker 6: so much more and open.

1193
00:50:46,560 --> 00:50:48,959
Speaker 4: You up to things. People assume that cynics are smart.

1194
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:50,120
Speaker 4: They're not. They're just scared.

1195
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:54,840
Speaker 6: And I think I've never been I've never been cynical

1196
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:58,239
Speaker 6: because maybe I wasn't quite smart enough to begin with.

1197
00:50:58,920 --> 00:51:01,319
Speaker 6: And then I caught up with them because I read

1198
00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:03,600
Speaker 6: a lot, because I was curious, because I was a

1199
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 6: cynical and I've got a good grass bomb language, and

1200
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:10,600
Speaker 6: I went, Okay, this, this is a nicer way, and

1201
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:11,680
Speaker 6: that's what I choose.

1202
00:51:11,680 --> 00:51:13,200
Speaker 4: But I still have to choose that every day. Sometimes

1203
00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:14,360
Speaker 4: I feel really bad about myself.

1204
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 6: I couldn't get my banks to sit right today for you,

1205
00:51:16,120 --> 00:51:17,719
Speaker 6: and I really wanted them to sit nice.

1206
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:20,759
Speaker 4: You know, it's hard, it's it's hard, but I think.

1207
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:26,279
Speaker 6: Knowing that at any point a thing could pop up

1208
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:27,840
Speaker 6: and they do. Ah, so they pop up all the

1209
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:30,240
Speaker 6: fucking time. I'm in and out. I just this Edinburgh,

1210
00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:32,840
Speaker 6: I was in hospital twice.

1211
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:36,120
Speaker 4: And nearly had to have surgery and it's all fine now,

1212
00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:36,600
Speaker 4: but like.

1213
00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:40,960
Speaker 6: It's always just this constant threat of like what if,

1214
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:41,319
Speaker 6: what if?

1215
00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:41,719
Speaker 4: What if?

1216
00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:45,279
Speaker 6: But also like that is the most freeing thing I've

1217
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:48,200
Speaker 6: ever been given the idea of what if, Like what

1218
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:50,479
Speaker 6: if today was your last day? Well, then I'm gonna

1219
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:52,839
Speaker 6: fucking ask if I can pat that dog, like, don't

1220
00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:53,240
Speaker 6: be crazy.

1221
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:55,480
Speaker 4: I'm gonna tell like Liam the tech guy, he.

1222
00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:57,359
Speaker 6: Has such a good apfit on today and I had

1223
00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:58,800
Speaker 6: to tell him that, And yes I called him the

1224
00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:01,400
Speaker 6: wrong name, but we only met it and now we

1225
00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:01,640
Speaker 6: know that.

1226
00:52:01,800 --> 00:52:03,000
Speaker 4: Now I know it's lim and I'll.

1227
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:04,600
Speaker 6: Always know and I know Liam has a great outfit,

1228
00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:06,200
Speaker 6: and Liam will know it was a great outfit.

1229
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:09,959
Speaker 4: Like I just think, if you take the fucking time

1230
00:52:10,040 --> 00:52:12,080
Speaker 4: to notice what is around you. It is so good,

1231
00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:14,799
Speaker 4: and it's so much harder to feel bad about the world.

1232
00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:16,640
Speaker 4: And it's easy. It's easy. It's really easy to watch

1233
00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:18,919
Speaker 4: the news and be like wow, fuck like.

1234
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:22,319
Speaker 6: It's so of course it is, but it's it's not

1235
00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:25,360
Speaker 6: that much harder to look at the world around you

1236
00:52:25,400 --> 00:52:28,480
Speaker 6: and go actually got a god like even have what

1237
00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:32,160
Speaker 6: chips and some of that.

1238
00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:34,920
Speaker 7: It's the thing that some of us don't realize as

1239
00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:38,640
Speaker 7: a possibility, and once that realization is there, as you mentioned,

1240
00:52:38,680 --> 00:52:41,040
Speaker 7: does take a little effort, sometimes takes a lot of effort,

1241
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:45,320
Speaker 7: but it's all based on an unknown.

1242
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 5: As it is.

1243
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:47,920
Speaker 7: Yeah, I can't do this thing because I'm scared, but

1244
00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 7: what I don't have any proof, but it's scary. Well,

1245
00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 7: if I'm going to think about it one way or

1246
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:55,000
Speaker 7: the other, I'm going to think about it as okay, way, Yeah,

1247
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:55,440
Speaker 7: it makes my.

1248
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:58,719
Speaker 4: Dabit easier exactly. That's the only only thing you can

1249
00:52:58,719 --> 00:53:01,120
Speaker 4: control and you and you can't. You're just trying to

1250
00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:02,800
Speaker 4: trick yourself because we're all just monkeys.

1251
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,359
Speaker 6: And isn't that mun Mike, you know, yeah, we really

1252
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:07,560
Speaker 6: are just monkey China a little best and it's nice.

1253
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:08,880
Speaker 4: It's nice that we have the gift.

1254
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:11,160
Speaker 18: To make a meaning we are, and the gift of

1255
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:14,759
Speaker 18: singing songs in a way to make us it's so wild, right,

1256
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:18,600
Speaker 18: we have emotional responses to symmetrical vibrations of air. Exactly,

1257
00:53:18,719 --> 00:53:21,480
Speaker 18: all right, I guess scrumps for a fucking Selene beyond

1258
00:53:21,560 --> 00:53:25,719
Speaker 18: key change. I hate Selene theon because she can manipulate

1259
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 18: the emotionally.

1260
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 4: All right, that's fucking great.

1261
00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:31,560
Speaker 7: It is beautiful, And people have come here on a

1262
00:53:31,600 --> 00:53:32,560
Speaker 7: Saturday afternoon.

1263
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:34,439
Speaker 5: Are you just coming here to sit here and listen

1264
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:35,279
Speaker 5: to me and you chat?

1265
00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:37,920
Speaker 4: So? Yeah, that's true. You are you are here, And

1266
00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:38,440
Speaker 4: as I.

1267
00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:40,920
Speaker 5: Mentioned, there's a there's a pedal board on the stage here.

1268
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:42,359
Speaker 4: Do we need to do a Q and A first

1269
00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:44,600
Speaker 4: or do you want to do a Yeah? We got time.

1270
00:53:45,560 --> 00:53:47,399
Speaker 4: We've got a question. You got a question.

1271
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:49,960
Speaker 6: I have a question about the structure and how you

1272
00:53:50,080 --> 00:53:54,680
Speaker 6: thought about sort of pacing the text and drawing parallels

1273
00:53:54,719 --> 00:53:56,480
Speaker 6: within your own life and your own stories.

1274
00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:01,600
Speaker 4: What was your thinking around that? Okay, what was my

1275
00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:04,320
Speaker 4: thinking around the structure of the book? No, thank you,

1276
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:06,400
Speaker 4: so you can sit down, babies, thank you sober.

1277
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:09,520
Speaker 6: So, I wanted to write a book that felt like

1278
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:11,759
Speaker 6: a Tara reading, it felt like you could pick it up,

1279
00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:14,160
Speaker 6: open any chapter and be like, this is the chapter

1280
00:54:14,200 --> 00:54:14,960
Speaker 6: I needed today.

1281
00:54:15,239 --> 00:54:17,520
Speaker 19: I wanted it to be nonlinear because I think it's

1282
00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:20,840
Speaker 19: always nicer when we see different sides of a person

1283
00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:22,960
Speaker 19: knowing that we might lose them. I always, I mean,

1284
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:24,920
Speaker 19: I write the TV, I try to write nonlinear in

1285
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:25,600
Speaker 19: that as well.

1286
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:29,600
Speaker 6: I always really like moving through spaces and time and

1287
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 6: seeing different different sides of a person that don't necessarily

1288
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:37,040
Speaker 6: make sense, because people don't make sense, we don't stay

1289
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:39,000
Speaker 6: in one lane. And so I didn't want the book

1290
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:40,840
Speaker 6: to feel like that, because the book has to feel

1291
00:54:40,880 --> 00:54:43,440
Speaker 6: like my brother and like my father, and like the

1292
00:54:43,520 --> 00:54:45,400
Speaker 6: version of me who didn't know that she might.

1293
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:47,040
Speaker 4: Die young, because those are the three people that I

1294
00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:48,600
Speaker 4: wanted to honor writing this book.

1295
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 6: That and the women left behind, my sister, my mother,

1296
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:54,440
Speaker 6: and my sister in law. And I think I just

1297
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:57,640
Speaker 6: I really wanted it to be like you can open

1298
00:54:57,680 --> 00:54:58,520
Speaker 6: this and it'll be a bomb.

1299
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:00,080
Speaker 4: It'll be open this and it's.

1300
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:01,920
Speaker 6: Now it's the chapter about like when I saw Jason

1301
00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:06,239
Speaker 6: Mamoor in the street, And now it's the chapter about nostalgia.

1302
00:55:06,320 --> 00:55:08,480
Speaker 6: Now it's the chapter about the Roman Empire. Even though

1303
00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:10,640
Speaker 6: I know nothing about the Roman Empire. And then now

1304
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,359
Speaker 6: it's okay, it's like a twenty page chapter about my

1305
00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 6: brother and the last day of his life. Like I

1306
00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:19,279
Speaker 6: want it to be surprising, and I wanted it to

1307
00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:22,480
Speaker 6: be unpredictable, and that's why there's no trigger warnings, and

1308
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:23,760
Speaker 6: I have I write that at the start.

1309
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:24,960
Speaker 4: There's no trigger warnings in.

1310
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:28,040
Speaker 6: The book because I can't possibly be expected to know

1311
00:55:28,080 --> 00:55:28,880
Speaker 6: what you'll be afraid of.

1312
00:55:29,040 --> 00:55:34,000
Speaker 4: Chloe Kardashian is afraid of Wales. I don't know. I

1313
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:36,560
Speaker 4: don't know, you know, And I think that we owe it.

1314
00:55:36,600 --> 00:55:38,839
Speaker 6: To ourselves to feel things sometimes, and if you're not,

1315
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:40,719
Speaker 6: if you don't feel sack with that, that's fine, asked

1316
00:55:40,719 --> 00:55:42,280
Speaker 6: someone else to read it for you. But I really

1317
00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:44,640
Speaker 6: do encourage you to just fucking open it and see

1318
00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:46,560
Speaker 6: what happens. And I wanted it to feel like something

1319
00:55:46,640 --> 00:55:47,359
Speaker 6: you could just open.

1320
00:55:48,239 --> 00:55:48,839
Speaker 4: Fantastic.

1321
00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:51,640
Speaker 7: One of the questions, Michelle question for you, what was

1322
00:55:51,680 --> 00:55:53,920
Speaker 7: the first chapter you wrote and what was the hardest

1323
00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:54,400
Speaker 7: chapter you?

1324
00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:57,440
Speaker 4: Ope, Oh, great question. Okay.

1325
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:04,360
Speaker 6: The first chapter I wrote was a chapter about wanting

1326
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:05,080
Speaker 6: to be wanted.

1327
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:07,520
Speaker 4: It's called a woman must be wanted or she will.

1328
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:12,080
Speaker 6: Turn into vapors open bracket poem I wrote while reading

1329
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:14,320
Speaker 6: a Sally Rooney novel and my partner and I was

1330
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:16,280
Speaker 6: knowing that he should initiate sex.

1331
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:18,360
Speaker 4: Immediately when I'm reading this Sally Rooney.

1332
00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:22,200
Speaker 6: Your quote bracket.

1333
00:56:23,040 --> 00:56:24,040
Speaker 4: So I wrote that first.

1334
00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:25,640
Speaker 6: And the reason I wrote that first because I put

1335
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,080
Speaker 6: it in Average Bear and I loved it so much,

1336
00:56:28,080 --> 00:56:31,120
Speaker 6: and my director, Julian Cosgriff said, I think this doesn't

1337
00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:34,400
Speaker 6: match the show, but it is very beautiful.

1338
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:35,879
Speaker 4: We'll use it for the Art Center version.

1339
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:37,200
Speaker 6: And then we didn't know there really would be an

1340
00:56:37,280 --> 00:56:39,279
Speaker 6: Art Center version and an Off Broadway version, and it's

1341
00:56:39,280 --> 00:56:42,600
Speaker 6: still didn't quite fit. So it was the first chapter

1342
00:56:42,719 --> 00:56:43,960
Speaker 6: in the book, and I think the first thing that

1343
00:56:44,040 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 6: went to the publisher maybe as an idea of like,

1344
00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:49,440
Speaker 6: here's something else she can do which you have not

1345
00:56:49,520 --> 00:56:55,320
Speaker 6: seen her do. And the hardest chapter to write.

1346
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:58,120
Speaker 4: Was there were some really, really really hard ones.

1347
00:56:58,160 --> 00:57:00,960
Speaker 6: I mean, the editing process is probably the hardest bit

1348
00:57:01,239 --> 00:57:03,200
Speaker 6: because you have to say goodbye to people who maybe

1349
00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:05,520
Speaker 6: don't turn up in other chapters even though they were

1350
00:57:05,560 --> 00:57:09,760
Speaker 6: so important in that part of your life. The hardest

1351
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:12,360
Speaker 6: chapters are right the chapter I wrote just boiling my

1352
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:15,320
Speaker 6: eyes out is a chapter called One of Us Is Dying,

1353
00:57:15,560 --> 00:57:19,320
Speaker 6: and I actually don't want to really go into it,

1354
00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:22,520
Speaker 6: but I think reading it read it, it's one of

1355
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:24,840
Speaker 6: those things that you will fall in love with the

1356
00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:29,760
Speaker 6: person's idiosyncrasies and the tiny little details and I can't.

1357
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:32,440
Speaker 4: I still haven't read it without crying. But yeah, the

1358
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:33,640
Speaker 4: edit was really hard.

1359
00:57:33,680 --> 00:57:35,760
Speaker 6: There was a there's a chapter in there called My

1360
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:38,040
Speaker 6: very Best Friend, which I fucking love and I'm so

1361
00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:38,560
Speaker 6: proud of.

1362
00:57:39,040 --> 00:57:41,720
Speaker 4: And there's a line it's about friends who you know,

1363
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:44,680
Speaker 4: sort of grow apart. And in the end.

1364
00:57:44,560 --> 00:57:46,760
Speaker 6: Of it there's a line that says, I am.

1365
00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:50,120
Speaker 4: Were you know, we're running out of pleasantries.

1366
00:57:50,680 --> 00:57:53,360
Speaker 6: I ask you how old you're ordered, how old your

1367
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:55,880
Speaker 6: daughter Edith is and you say Eden is three?

1368
00:57:57,360 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 4: And they said, we're going to take that out. Is

1369
00:57:59,680 --> 00:58:03,320
Speaker 4: that it's very specific and that might be identifying. You

1370
00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:05,919
Speaker 4: might regret that, and I took it out. And I've

1371
00:58:05,920 --> 00:58:08,160
Speaker 4: never regretted anything more than taking it out. So when

1372
00:58:08,200 --> 00:58:10,320
Speaker 4: I do do the book signing, if you have your.

1373
00:58:10,280 --> 00:58:11,680
Speaker 6: Book with you, or if you buy a book today,

1374
00:58:11,760 --> 00:58:13,720
Speaker 6: or if you buy one for a friend, when I

1375
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:16,200
Speaker 6: do the signing, ask me if you want the extra line.

1376
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:16,800
Speaker 4: And I'll put it in.

1377
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:18,720
Speaker 6: I've be putting it in for people in Melbourne and

1378
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:21,600
Speaker 6: also just kind of around, so I'll put it in

1379
00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:22,680
Speaker 6: for you because it is beautiful.

1380
00:58:22,680 --> 00:58:23,880
Speaker 4: But editing was the.

1381
00:58:23,880 --> 00:58:26,200
Speaker 6: Harvest bit saying good bye it to bits that I

1382
00:58:26,200 --> 00:58:29,160
Speaker 6: thought were really important. But if it's actually not a diary,

1383
00:58:29,240 --> 00:58:31,040
Speaker 6: it's actually a piece of capitalism.

1384
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:33,960
Speaker 4: Are you okay for putting that? I?

1385
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:36,800
Speaker 5: Can that stay in that podcast?

1386
00:58:36,960 --> 00:58:37,080
Speaker 18: Edit?

1387
00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:42,120
Speaker 4: Yeah? I put it in the audiobook. Okay, I just

1388
00:58:42,160 --> 00:58:45,200
Speaker 4: said it in the audiobook out soon on Belinda. Now

1389
00:58:46,240 --> 00:58:49,720
Speaker 4: probably last one, last question, go Obviously it's a very

1390
00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:50,320
Speaker 4: personal book.

1391
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:53,040
Speaker 7: I wanted to ask how much of writing it was

1392
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:55,640
Speaker 7: for yourself and how much of it was for the

1393
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:57,240
Speaker 7: people that would be reading it.

1394
00:58:57,240 --> 00:58:59,440
Speaker 6: It's funny because I think when I'm writing shows it

1395
00:58:59,440 --> 00:59:03,000
Speaker 6: feels very really, like ninety percent.

1396
00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:04,080
Speaker 4: For you and ten percent for me.

1397
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:08,400
Speaker 6: Writing this book maybe like eighty percent for you guys,

1398
00:59:08,640 --> 00:59:10,240
Speaker 6: and twenty percent for me, it felt like a lot

1399
00:59:10,280 --> 00:59:12,840
Speaker 6: more for me, It felt really and a lot of

1400
00:59:12,840 --> 00:59:15,840
Speaker 6: that stuff that I wrote for me is the stuff

1401
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:18,680
Speaker 6: that came out, is the stuff that is now just

1402
00:59:18,800 --> 00:59:21,480
Speaker 6: in email chains.

1403
00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:23,360
Speaker 4: Of back and forth. Is this okay to say?

1404
00:59:23,920 --> 00:59:26,200
Speaker 6: Of your family is going to read this, do another

1405
00:59:26,240 --> 00:59:29,200
Speaker 6: pass on this, things like that. But it was good

1406
00:59:29,320 --> 00:59:31,800
Speaker 6: to get that stuff out because I never really write

1407
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:34,520
Speaker 6: like that and never write I've never written anything so honestly.

1408
00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:38,440
Speaker 6: So in a way it was kind of for everyone,

1409
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:40,560
Speaker 6: but it's very much for people who don't know me

1410
00:59:40,600 --> 00:59:44,520
Speaker 6: in any way, Like it's not there's no assumptions made.

1411
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:49,320
Speaker 4: So yeah, I think eighty twenty.

1412
00:59:49,360 --> 00:59:51,120
Speaker 7: You mentioned that when you go into a project, you

1413
00:59:51,240 --> 00:59:54,360
Speaker 7: start with the pre Dale Carnegie.

1414
00:59:54,360 --> 00:59:56,400
Speaker 4: You begin when you in mind you I want.

1415
00:59:56,200 --> 00:59:57,720
Speaker 7: The people to feel part to give away when this

1416
00:59:57,800 --> 00:59:59,160
Speaker 7: is dark? Well, was the way you want people to

1417
00:59:59,200 --> 01:00:01,120
Speaker 7: feel when they close the less lonely?

1418
01:00:02,840 --> 01:00:03,280
Speaker 10: Yeah?

1419
01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:04,880
Speaker 4: Lessness?

1420
01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:10,040
Speaker 5: And it's good feature on a post.

1421
01:00:10,120 --> 01:00:12,960
Speaker 4: No, but you put on the top of your that top. Yeah,

1422
01:00:13,080 --> 01:00:14,280
Speaker 4: I want you to get a loan for it.

1423
01:00:14,360 --> 01:00:18,960
Speaker 6: And lest like there's a book called Kindness Hopeful History,

1424
01:00:20,680 --> 01:00:23,080
Speaker 6: and it's a hopeful history of mankind I think it

1425
01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:25,520
Speaker 6: is or something like that. Yeah, kindness, Oh no, sorry,

1426
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:29,400
Speaker 6: fuck shot human kind Ulstery by rink a Break. That's

1427
01:00:29,440 --> 01:00:32,440
Speaker 6: my favorite book and and I forgot the name of it.

1428
01:00:33,760 --> 01:00:37,400
Speaker 6: I'm going through a lot of good things and and.

1429
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:40,560
Speaker 4: I am talk to me dead. I read that my

1430
01:00:40,640 --> 01:00:43,000
Speaker 4: dad's dead, my brother's dead. I bird agree books, I don't.

1431
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:46,280
Speaker 6: Wear the work again, beautiful book, And when I read it,

1432
01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:48,320
Speaker 6: I hugged it because I.

1433
01:00:48,280 --> 01:00:52,120
Speaker 4: Felt like so seen and and so.

1434
01:00:54,280 --> 01:00:56,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, so much less lonely, and I was like, I

1435
01:00:56,920 --> 01:01:01,000
Speaker 6: want to do this but for the girls and the weirdos.

1436
01:01:02,760 --> 01:01:05,640
Speaker 4: I want to do this for them, and so that's

1437
01:01:05,760 --> 01:01:06,840
Speaker 4: kind of why I wrote it.

1438
01:01:07,360 --> 01:01:10,439
Speaker 7: Oh, it's well and truly It'shake, You've done that very

1439
01:01:10,520 --> 01:01:11,280
Speaker 7: very well.

1440
01:01:11,120 --> 01:01:18,200
Speaker 4: Very well, Ladys down to kill break. Now there's a song.

1441
01:01:18,920 --> 01:01:21,200
Speaker 4: There's a song to sing. Oh, yeah, we're going to

1442
01:01:21,240 --> 01:01:21,480
Speaker 4: do a song.

1443
01:01:21,520 --> 01:01:23,720
Speaker 6: Because I was like, well, we made the paper tickets,

1444
01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:26,040
Speaker 6: like we should probably.

1445
01:01:25,640 --> 01:01:28,840
Speaker 5: Say tell us about this song.

1446
01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:31,280
Speaker 4: Please, We're not you don't need to, okay.

1447
01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:32,600
Speaker 6: So I was just never heard this song, which is

1448
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:33,880
Speaker 6: crazy because he claims to be a fan.

1449
01:01:34,280 --> 01:01:38,360
Speaker 4: So but I first wrote this song when I was

1450
01:01:38,400 --> 01:01:38,800
Speaker 4: asked to.

1451
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:43,120
Speaker 6: Uh, I was asked to open for Auntie Donald when

1452
01:01:43,120 --> 01:01:45,520
Speaker 6: we were doing an album tour, which was like, I

1453
01:01:45,560 --> 01:01:48,600
Speaker 6: don't know, four hundred years ago, and I was going

1454
01:01:48,680 --> 01:01:50,160
Speaker 6: to be in the album tour in the show, but

1455
01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:53,240
Speaker 6: I also was opening and I didn't have any solo material.

1456
01:01:53,320 --> 01:01:55,560
Speaker 4: At all, and they said, can you do twenty minutes?

1457
01:01:55,600 --> 01:01:57,960
Speaker 6: And I said yes, because I've been to drama school

1458
01:01:57,960 --> 01:01:59,120
Speaker 6: and that's what they taught us to do.

1459
01:01:59,720 --> 01:02:01,360
Speaker 4: And so I got my.

1460
01:02:01,320 --> 01:02:03,600
Speaker 6: Little loop pedal and I wrote my little songs and

1461
01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:05,960
Speaker 6: then I started doing these songs in average bear. This

1462
01:02:06,040 --> 01:02:07,640
Speaker 6: was the first thing that was written in average Bear,

1463
01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:09,920
Speaker 6: which is funny. So this is a song that I

1464
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:13,680
Speaker 6: wrote during the pandemic when who was in the lockdown

1465
01:02:13,720 --> 01:02:14,120
Speaker 6: in Melbourne?

1466
01:02:14,160 --> 01:02:14,960
Speaker 4: Anyone?

1467
01:02:15,240 --> 01:02:15,439
Speaker 7: Yes?

1468
01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:17,439
Speaker 4: Okay, everyone else?

1469
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:20,640
Speaker 19: Fuck you I But in Melbourne everyone was, you know,

1470
01:02:20,680 --> 01:02:21,560
Speaker 19: we had a terrible lockdown.

1471
01:02:21,600 --> 01:02:23,560
Speaker 4: We had terrible lockdown in Australia. Obviously it was very

1472
01:02:23,560 --> 01:02:24,520
Speaker 4: difficult for all of us.

1473
01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:28,320
Speaker 6: And everyone on our TVs was just people singing in

1474
01:02:28,480 --> 01:02:32,200
Speaker 6: balconies and on their balconies in Europe, people singing, people

1475
01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:34,200
Speaker 6: singing with their friends, singing with their neighbors.

1476
01:02:34,360 --> 01:02:36,919
Speaker 4: And I saw this and I thought, where's our cultural lenther?

1477
01:02:37,360 --> 01:02:40,320
Speaker 4: But for twenty years since, how to make gravies? And

1478
01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:41,280
Speaker 4: so I wrote one.

1479
01:02:41,480 --> 01:02:42,800
Speaker 6: And so now I'm going to sing out and when

1480
01:02:42,800 --> 01:02:44,920
Speaker 6: you get to the chorus, pick a harmony.

1481
01:02:45,160 --> 01:02:47,480
Speaker 4: Sing along, because this is a story of us, but

1482
01:02:47,600 --> 01:02:48,680
Speaker 4: this is the story of you.

1483
01:02:49,400 --> 01:02:53,000
Speaker 6: This is young Love in the summer Tack read their

1484
01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:55,000
Speaker 6: bond volume up.

1485
01:02:56,920 --> 01:03:03,840
Speaker 20: Sometimes a young girl fly shall be a mona makes

1486
01:03:03,880 --> 01:03:05,920
Speaker 20: her real nice.

1487
01:03:06,240 --> 01:03:09,200
Speaker 10: I shall take them to her special place. Guitar of

1488
01:03:09,920 --> 01:03:16,240
Speaker 10: bean in Love in the Summer Time Jeffrey, Yes, no, yes, no.

1489
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:21,240
Speaker 20: Tana had a sexy American accent.

1490
01:03:21,720 --> 01:03:23,160
Speaker 4: That we lived in Australia.

1491
01:03:23,160 --> 01:03:25,400
Speaker 10: I got upwards of tenses.

1492
01:03:25,840 --> 01:03:26,920
Speaker 1: What are you trying?

1493
01:03:31,200 --> 01:03:33,880
Speaker 4: But Dana Adam thrown up my escapeboard and tells me

1494
01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:36,200
Speaker 4: that he likes me, offers me a cheese on. No

1495
01:03:36,320 --> 01:03:37,200
Speaker 4: got him excite me.

1496
01:03:37,360 --> 01:03:39,880
Speaker 10: You don't want it to know, but I am really nervous.

1497
01:03:40,080 --> 01:03:42,120
Speaker 4: Give me matter hand says, do you want to go

1498
01:03:42,280 --> 01:03:43,560
Speaker 4: to the finger and shape?

1499
01:03:44,760 --> 01:03:46,160
Speaker 2: I karenle.

1500
01:03:47,400 --> 01:03:52,640
Speaker 20: To the finger and shape that. Larenle high me to

1501
01:03:52,760 --> 01:03:59,440
Speaker 20: the fingering ship. Comeingle to the fingeration.

1502
01:04:00,560 --> 01:04:00,800
Speaker 9: Ring.

1503
01:04:07,200 --> 01:04:10,240
Speaker 20: Josh had a plays guitar.

1504
01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:17,120
Speaker 9: It's very up from public school. That's my faw.

1505
01:04:17,400 --> 01:04:25,240
Speaker 20: He's a failed magician making coffee. I should have changed

1506
01:04:25,280 --> 01:04:30,160
Speaker 20: his name, but he gave me comedia.

1507
01:04:30,680 --> 01:04:37,400
Speaker 4: I don't have for media now. Joshua said, would you

1508
01:04:37,520 --> 01:04:40,200
Speaker 4: like to go to p day up together? I said, yeah,

1509
01:04:40,240 --> 01:04:42,680
Speaker 4: you know, it couldn't get much better. I said, up

1510
01:04:42,720 --> 01:04:44,400
Speaker 4: his tread box set by mind Delight.

1511
01:04:44,720 --> 01:04:45,960
Speaker 9: He said, would you please a.

1512
01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:48,200
Speaker 4: Coming in none.

1513
01:04:52,280 --> 01:04:53,040
Speaker 9: The Feration?

1514
01:04:54,680 --> 01:04:58,840
Speaker 4: I can you know I'm going down to a freation.

1515
01:05:03,320 --> 01:05:09,480
Speaker 9: Show you.

1516
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:20,160
Speaker 4: This school about money, figured a project which wants to

1517
01:05:20,280 --> 01:05:26,320
Speaker 4: be built on the ground, twist stage, the thing of

1518
01:05:26,480 --> 01:05:27,240
Speaker 4: a ship.

1519
01:05:30,360 --> 01:05:40,160
Speaker 20: And despite my friends and I change, don't all the petitioning.

1520
01:05:40,360 --> 01:05:45,840
Speaker 4: Chase Counts two said, you said nance.

1521
01:05:45,920 --> 01:05:48,960
Speaker 20: She said, I'm going audience even though you didn't give

1522
01:05:48,960 --> 01:05:49,520
Speaker 20: me the mic.

1523
01:05:49,680 --> 01:05:50,240
Speaker 10: Makes it work?

1524
01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:53,920
Speaker 6: She dead said don't give her a wife and smile

1525
01:05:53,960 --> 01:05:57,400
Speaker 6: should go in there, and you thought it anyway, I

1526
01:05:57,680 --> 01:05:59,160
Speaker 6: show what the say.

1527
01:05:59,040 --> 01:06:00,040
Speaker 4: To be a loud of please.

1528
01:06:02,040 --> 01:06:03,040
Speaker 9: Just so beautiful her.

1529
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:04,920
Speaker 4: There's going to be as more of a vibe. Even on.

1530
01:06:06,800 --> 01:06:07,160
Speaker 12: Rachelle.

1531
01:06:07,200 --> 01:06:08,840
Speaker 9: You have to come back and tell this experience.

1532
01:06:09,920 --> 01:06:12,040
Speaker 4: And it's important for the show that on after One

1533
01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:15,120
Speaker 4: Way True, you.

1534
01:06:15,200 --> 01:06:15,840
Speaker 14: Have to tell them.

1535
01:06:16,960 --> 01:06:25,440
Speaker 10: You need to know you know, okay, he was going

1536
01:06:25,480 --> 01:06:28,200
Speaker 10: to say to you for it, you guys, I think

1537
01:06:28,240 --> 01:06:28,840
Speaker 10: it's really important.

1538
01:06:28,920 --> 01:06:31,240
Speaker 4: Let you all know that really really.

1539
01:06:31,360 --> 01:06:33,560
Speaker 10: Recently, Josh j has blocked me on Instagram.

1540
01:06:36,880 --> 01:06:38,200
Speaker 4: I wasn't sure if you were going to use this

1541
01:06:38,240 --> 01:06:38,800
Speaker 4: real name.

1542
01:06:38,680 --> 01:06:39,080
Speaker 6: On the part.

1543
01:06:40,720 --> 01:06:45,440
Speaker 4: I did it because you want me that's what boundaries.

1544
01:06:47,360 --> 01:06:48,120
Speaker 9: Ye, let's come to.

1545
01:06:50,320 --> 01:06:51,080
Speaker 19: Have a better respect.

1546
01:06:52,640 --> 01:06:57,520
Speaker 10: Okay, more volume than coat show.

1547
01:07:34,040 --> 01:07:52,520
Speaker 9: Any shingle.

1548
01:07:57,080 --> 01:07:59,760
Speaker 2: That is Michelle Brazier recorded live at the Factory Theater.

1549
01:08:00,240 --> 01:08:01,960
Speaker 2: I'm so happy you would see another live one. I

1550
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:05,000
Speaker 2: love doing live podcasts, and I had to get her

1551
01:08:05,000 --> 01:08:05,800
Speaker 2: in front of an audience.

1552
01:08:06,200 --> 01:08:08,640
Speaker 1: All the details about her upcoming festival shows, of which

1553
01:08:08,680 --> 01:08:11,440
Speaker 1: there aren't exactly that many, so get on board if

1554
01:08:11,480 --> 01:08:14,120
Speaker 1: you can. And the details about her book, My Brother's

1555
01:08:14,160 --> 01:08:16,479
Speaker 1: ashes are in a Sandwich Bag are all in the

1556
01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:20,559
Speaker 1: show notes. Get onto that as well as my substack.

1557
01:08:20,800 --> 01:08:22,679
Speaker 1: If you get on that, you can get yourself twenty

1558
01:08:22,720 --> 01:08:24,639
Speaker 1: five percent off. Think it's to the next Story Club show.

1559
01:08:25,000 --> 01:08:29,439
Speaker 1: And I think that offer vanishes a tomorrow, so you've

1560
01:08:29,479 --> 01:08:32,719
Speaker 1: got today to make it happen, because then the tickets

1561
01:08:32,760 --> 01:08:34,920
Speaker 1: go back to full price. So thank you so much,

1562
01:08:35,439 --> 01:08:39,120
Speaker 1: and have a wonderful day. And I hope you enjoyed

1563
01:08:39,160 --> 01:08:40,439
Speaker 1: that conversation as much as I did.

1564
01:08:40,600 --> 01:08:41,360
Speaker 2: I'll see on Monday.