1 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:12,400 Speaker 1: Hey everyone, it's KLi here for this Speaks Mojo Monday. 2 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:16,080 Speaker 1: So I want to talk about anxiety today and an 3 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:20,520 Speaker 1: approach that you could try when anxiety shows up for you. 4 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:23,840 Speaker 1: Anxiety is one of those human responses to life that 5 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:26,759 Speaker 1: as a whole we are really struggling with, and we 6 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:29,640 Speaker 1: tend to treat it like a problem to solve or 7 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:33,240 Speaker 1: something to eliminate. But the idea that we'll ever get 8 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:38,400 Speaker 1: rid of anxiety is completely deluded. Really, and I've said 9 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:42,479 Speaker 1: this before. The issue isn't the anxiety itself, and that 10 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:47,640 Speaker 1: applies to what we might call normal anxiety and also 11 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:51,880 Speaker 1: to neurotic anxiety. So neurosis isn't It's not a word 12 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 1: that we use much anymore. It used to be used 13 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:58,000 Speaker 1: a lot in psychology. That we don't tend to use 14 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:01,640 Speaker 1: neurosis or neurotic in our day language. But I actually 15 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:05,679 Speaker 1: think it's useful because it differentiates a natural response to 16 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:10,320 Speaker 1: life from a more entrenched or overwhelming one. And right now, 17 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:13,240 Speaker 1: the word anxiety is just one word that we use, 18 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:16,760 Speaker 1: whether it's a normal response or a possible pathological response. 19 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 1: And the psychologist Rollo may had had a very different 20 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: way of understanding anxiety so for him, anxiety wasn't something 21 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:31,600 Speaker 1: to get rid of. He saw it as a natural 22 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:36,920 Speaker 1: response to uncertainty or responsibility, and the fact that life 23 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 1: is never fully predictable. In other words, anxiety shows up 24 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:46,000 Speaker 1: when something matters. So think about the time you or 25 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:51,080 Speaker 1: somebody you know felt really anxious to whatever degree, even 26 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 1: if it was just slightly anxious. Was their uncertainty? I 27 00:01:56,080 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 1: would bet that there was. Was the future predictable almost never? 28 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:06,440 Speaker 1: And was there some level of responsibility involved? There probably was. 29 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 1: Anxiety is it's the physical response paired with the worried thoughts, 30 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:17,079 Speaker 1: and together they create this emotional storm. And how big 31 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:21,240 Speaker 1: that storm becomes depends on a superpower that I want 32 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:24,320 Speaker 1: to talk about today. Because the problem, as I said, 33 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:29,280 Speaker 1: isn't the anxiety itself. The problem is what happens when 34 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 1: our attention gets stuck on it. The more uncomfortable we 35 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:37,640 Speaker 1: feel with the anxiety and the thoughts, the more we ruminate, 36 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,320 Speaker 1: and the more we ruminate, the more anxious we feel, 37 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:45,160 Speaker 1: and then a vicious loop forms. And once we're in 38 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:48,720 Speaker 1: that loop, we tend to stay there. And then what 39 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:52,359 Speaker 1: happens is our instinct is to fight our way out 40 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:55,800 Speaker 1: of that loop. So we can tell ourselves to calm down, 41 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 1: or maybe somebody else tells us to calm down, to 42 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 1: get control back, to think better. But the relief from 43 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:06,880 Speaker 1: anxiety doesn't come from battling with it, especially with logic, 44 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 1: especially when you're in the midst of this emotional storm. 45 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:15,160 Speaker 1: And if anything, that just strengthens the loop. The way 46 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:19,359 Speaker 1: out of the loop is through our attention, using our attention. 47 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:24,480 Speaker 1: So Rollo may talked about how anxiety narrows our awareness. 48 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:29,480 Speaker 1: It pulls us away from the richness of the present moment, 49 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:34,000 Speaker 1: and it really collapses our world into a single storyline 50 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 1: about what might happen. And when you're right in the 51 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:42,160 Speaker 1: thick of that, there's a very little point trying to 52 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 1: change that storyline with your mind. That maybe comes later, 53 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 1: but there's a step before that where you need enough 54 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 1: capacity in your brain and you're in your mind to 55 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:58,760 Speaker 1: even do that work. So attentional control gets us out 56 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:02,720 Speaker 1: of the loop. Attention widens the situation. So when we 57 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:07,280 Speaker 1: deliberately tune into what is actually happening right now, we 58 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:12,800 Speaker 1: reconnect with life as it is, not our mind's predictions 59 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:16,960 Speaker 1: of what life might be. And this moment, like you 60 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 1: think about it, this moment has so much in it, 61 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 1: so right now, see if you can turn your attention 62 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:29,920 Speaker 1: to the sounds around you, the textures around you, the movement, 63 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 1: the temperature. And when we bring our attention onto our senses, 64 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:40,800 Speaker 1: something very subtle happens. Anxiety doesn't disappear, but our mind 65 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:45,800 Speaker 1: can't stay fully absorbed in this imagined future while we're 66 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:50,200 Speaker 1: deeply connected to the present. So feeling the warmth of 67 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:53,520 Speaker 1: the mug in your hands as you're sipping your coffee, 68 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 1: or counting your footsteps from one room to another, I 69 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:02,080 Speaker 1: really find that so helpful. If I'm feeling a bit heightened, 70 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:06,159 Speaker 1: noticing the weight of your body in the chair, these 71 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 1: aren't distractions there. It's more engagement in the present moment now. 72 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,960 Speaker 1: I once had a client who was having a panic attack, 73 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:19,200 Speaker 1: and what we did is we went outside and I 74 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:22,920 Speaker 1: asked them to notice the distant car noises, and then 75 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,840 Speaker 1: the birds and the trees. We went we walked and 76 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,200 Speaker 1: touched a rock and felt the texture of the rock. 77 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,040 Speaker 1: And then when we went back inside, I asked them 78 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:35,520 Speaker 1: to describe a painting on the wall. And this emotional 79 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:40,120 Speaker 1: storm that they were in started to settle enough to 80 00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:43,000 Speaker 1: then go on and then do some breath work or 81 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:48,599 Speaker 1: even doing an activity. Our first instinct is often to 82 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:52,799 Speaker 1: go to the breath or reassurance or talking things through, 83 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,919 Speaker 1: and all of that, of course can be really helpful, 84 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:59,880 Speaker 1: but first we need to work with attention. It's about 85 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 1: choosing to place our attention in the world rather than 86 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:09,000 Speaker 1: letting anxiety pull it inwood and forward, because when it 87 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 1: pulls us inward and then forward, the loop titans and 88 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:18,200 Speaker 1: we get stuck roll. I may spoke about courage, not 89 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 1: the absence of anxiety, but the willingness to stay present 90 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:27,080 Speaker 1: and engaged even when anxiety is there, Like how hard 91 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,560 Speaker 1: is that? But it is a skill that can be 92 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 1: really effective when you practice it. Very aligned with the 93 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:37,680 Speaker 1: Japanese psychotherapy Marina therapy, which I talk a lot about. 94 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:41,240 Speaker 1: And this is where practice does matter. You know, you 95 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,760 Speaker 1: might always have the tendency to get caught up in 96 00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:46,840 Speaker 1: this anxious loop. So maybe the goal isn't to get 97 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,760 Speaker 1: rid of the anxiety altogether or to try and control 98 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,920 Speaker 1: it in that moment. Maybe it is to be able 99 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,800 Speaker 1: to live fully with it, using your attention to make 100 00:06:56,839 --> 00:07:01,200 Speaker 1: sure that you don't get stuck. We know that anxiety 101 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:03,479 Speaker 1: is like a wave. It goes up and up and 102 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,400 Speaker 1: up and up. There's a peak and then it tailors off. 103 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:10,080 Speaker 1: So what if we can still have the capacity to 104 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 1: live fully while we ride that wave and a change 105 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:18,720 Speaker 1: happens by building new habits of attention moment by moment. 106 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:24,040 Speaker 1: So practice attentional control when you're not feeling heightened or 107 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:27,440 Speaker 1: not feeling anxious, so you're more equipped to draw on 108 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 1: it when anxiety shows up. So anxiety can disconnect you 109 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 1: from life. And I think I would have a guess 110 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 1: that most of you, either yourself or know somebody who 111 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 1: has been really disconnected from life because of the power 112 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 1: of anxiety. So by using your attention in an intentional way, 113 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 1: you reconnect with life. Anxiety doesn't lead the way, and 114 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,960 Speaker 1: you start to feel more in control. So I hope 115 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:04,400 Speaker 1: that is helpful for you. As I said, practice practice, practice, 116 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:09,520 Speaker 1: even when you're not feeling anxious. That way, it strengthens 117 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:12,960 Speaker 1: that attentional muscle so you can draw on it when 118 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,680 Speaker 1: you need it. So thanks for joining me. I will 119 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,720 Speaker 1: see you next Monday. Bye bye.