Speaker 1: Apoche Production.
Speaker 2: Welcome to Behind the Drapes.
Speaker 1: I'm your host Brent Draper aka Drakes, and I'm Shanlee
Speaker 1: Draper and we're here to talk about stuff according to us.
Speaker 1: Hey guys, it's Draper here and I was naked on
Speaker 1: the Golkos Highway.
Speaker 3: Yoah, buddy, She's made to give her You are a
Speaker 3: strong woman.
Speaker 1: So today we've got an incredible wound by the name
Speaker 1: of Angela Davies here with us in the studio. And
Speaker 1: first and foremost, Ange is a really good friend of
Speaker 1: ours who we adore and we feel so grateful to
Speaker 1: have in our lives. And second to that, she's got
Speaker 1: an amazing story. So she climbed the corporate ladder for
Speaker 1: over fifteen years, only to unfortunately crash and burn kind
Speaker 1: of hard after her mental health and well being started
Speaker 1: to deteriorate. Ange's story is super powerful because it's so relatable. However,
Speaker 1: I think that what's really special and unique about her
Speaker 1: is that she was actually able to get herself out
Speaker 1: of that world he'll herself and then go on to
Speaker 1: study her master's in psychology, opening up her own business,
Speaker 1: Mind Your Grit, where she now helps people foster success
Speaker 1: through well being, and she has so much to share
Speaker 1: and offer. So let's cutch to the chase and bring
Speaker 1: her in.
Speaker 3: Thank you, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: So good to have you here. So Ange, let's dive
Speaker 1: straight in. You had a really extensive corporate career. You
Speaker 1: worked in the banking sector. There something happened, right so,
Speaker 1: I think it was twenty twenty two. You're driving in
Speaker 1: your car and something happened and that really shifted everything
Speaker 1: for you when it came to your career and your health.
Speaker 1: So can you tell us about that time please?
Speaker 2: I guess long story short, I had a really tough
Speaker 2: year that year. Personally, I had a miscarriage three days
Speaker 2: after my birthday, after I'd on my way home from
Speaker 2: Eden Health Retreat. Ironically, I was quite traumatic. My neighbor
Speaker 2: had to drive me to the hospital. Lamb was away.
Speaker 2: It was just a bit of an ordeal. And then
Speaker 2: two weeks later, the floods hit in the Northern Rivers
Speaker 2: and I reckon about seventy percent of our customers on our.
Speaker 3: Book or impacted by those floods.
Speaker 2: Huge, so very quick I had to forget about what
Speaker 2: happened two weeks ago and turned to just help our customers.
Speaker 2: Somehow and advocate for them, help our teams. Our Lizma
Speaker 2: office was entirely underwater, and so very quickly focused on that.
Speaker 2: And then Liam got diagnosed with a chronic health condition
Speaker 2: two months after that, and so there were just multiple
Speaker 2: things that had happened that alive, right, this stuff happens
Speaker 2: in life.
Speaker 3: But instead of stopping and.
Speaker 2: Looking after myself, I just kept pushing and pushing and
Speaker 2: pushing and pushing. And I was in a client meeting
Speaker 2: in a really hot shed and I just felt myself
Speaker 2: feeling dizzy, the walls closing in, and I just excused myself.
Speaker 2: Thank god one of my bankers was there and could
Speaker 2: continue with the meeting. And I left and I jumped
Speaker 2: in you know the bank fullell drive and got on
Speaker 2: the freeway, and I honestly thought I was having a
Speaker 2: heart attack, Like my heart was pounding.
Speaker 3: Out of my chest. I could not see, Like.
Speaker 1: I was like so scary driving like.
Speaker 2: Drop one hundred and ten kilometer an hour road, so
Speaker 2: not even just in the backstreets.
Speaker 3: And I pulled over because.
Speaker 2: I was like I can't breathe, Like I was like
Speaker 2: something's happened, going to die, a full body shut down
Speaker 2: what it felt like, and so I pulled over on
Speaker 2: the side of the road. I called Liam, my husband,
Speaker 2: and I was just like, something's wrong, like I think
Speaker 2: about having a heart attack. And he's like the calmest
Speaker 2: man you've ever met, and he was just like just breathing.
Speaker 2: He talked to me through my breathing, and I had
Speaker 2: pulled like I'd pulled over on this like tiny shoulder
Speaker 2: on the m one trucks were like brushing past and
Speaker 2: I could feel it because the car would shake every
Speaker 2: time it would go past. And he just talked me
Speaker 2: out of it, and I was like, what the bloody.
Speaker 3: Hell just happened?
Speaker 2: Like, and so, being the maniac and atype personality that
Speaker 2: I am, immediately I was like, what happened? So I
Speaker 2: think I need to study psychology. I don't understand what happened.
Speaker 2: Probably about two weeks after that, I found a way
Speaker 2: to apply for my master's in psychology because I was like,
Speaker 2: I need to figure out what happened.
Speaker 1: What happened after that when she realized you weren't having
Speaker 1: a heart attack, which is like so common, right, like
Speaker 1: so many people that don't understand what you know anxiety
Speaker 1: is or panic attacks that's the sort of common theme
Speaker 1: that you hear is that they think they're having a
Speaker 1: heart attack, which is so scary. And you were so young.
Speaker 1: How old are you now, thirty eight? So you were yeah,
Speaker 1: thirty thirty six six, Yeah, so so young.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I thought I was like, was that a
Speaker 2: panic attack? Like I thought that, But then at the
Speaker 2: same time, I was teaching twenty pilartates classes a week,
Speaker 2: at the same time as working sixty hours in banking
Speaker 2: a week.
Speaker 1: And so and dealing with a flood crisis by the way, Yeah,
Speaker 1: so like not just working normal hours, like people were
Speaker 1: really heavily relying on you and in bad situations.
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, And that continued for months and months, and
Speaker 2: so I was like, oh, I've got to get ready
Speaker 2: to teach my polarates class. So I just went back
Speaker 2: to it, back to it. Yeah, same as when I
Speaker 2: had the miscarriage. I was like, oh, I think I
Speaker 2: could need to go teach polarates, and my doctor's like,
Speaker 2: you need to go to the hospital immediately.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So this is why I had.
Speaker 2: The panic attack, because I was not listening to what
Speaker 2: my body needed and it screamed at me until I listened.
Speaker 1: Of course, it did. Yeah, well that's what they say, right, Like,
Speaker 1: if you're not listening to it, or you kind of
Speaker 1: you're not listen to your brain, your body will tell
Speaker 1: you what to do.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it will stop yep.
Speaker 1: So okay, So this happens, and then you start thinking, okay,
Speaker 1: I need to figure out what happened to me mentally
Speaker 1: or psychologically. There there's something not right. Yeah, and you
Speaker 1: decide I'm gonna gree study, which is funny because like,
Speaker 1: let's just add one more thing to the plate, you know,
Speaker 1: like I'm very busy, ye, so let's add Masters of Psychology.
Speaker 1: What happened from there?
Speaker 2: So I got accepted, and I was like, how am
Speaker 2: I going to do twenty hours of pilates, fifty to
Speaker 2: sixty hours of work, and then twenty to thirty hours
Speaker 2: a week of Masters.
Speaker 3: Like I'm a banker, you do the maths. There's no
Speaker 3: space for that.
Speaker 2: And so very quickly I realized I was going to
Speaker 2: have to quit my full time job. Yeah, I couldn't
Speaker 2: do it, and it was really important for me to study,
Speaker 2: and so I didn't quit immediately. I guess working in finance,
Speaker 2: I'm very conscious of making sure that I had enough
Speaker 2: when I did quit, and so I saved six months
Speaker 2: worth of my salary before I felt comfortable to leath.
Speaker 1: Yeah big call. Yeah, like that's a huge poor to
Speaker 1: quit your job. Yeah, just a job. You had a
Speaker 1: very big career with a lot of people that were
Speaker 1: relying on you. You were like, no, I need to
Speaker 1: go first.
Speaker 3: I've never done that in my life.
Speaker 2: Like it was always my team before me, anyone else
Speaker 2: before me. And also so much of my identity was
Speaker 2: tied to what I did. You know, I wasn't just
Speaker 2: a I was ange and this is what I do,
Speaker 2: and so there was a lot to unpack. But I
Speaker 2: just knew I'm very much a person who goes with
Speaker 2: my gut with a lot of things, and I just
Speaker 2: knew that was what.
Speaker 3: I had to do.
Speaker 1: Amazing, So let's talk practical steps. So what did you
Speaker 1: actually do because we can talk about like, you know,
Speaker 1: then I went and studied, and then I decided to
Speaker 1: quit my job. But like that stuff didn't happen straight away. No,
Speaker 1: I didn't just like magically overnight and start feeling better.
Speaker 1: I don't imagine. I know, you know the amount of
Speaker 1: stress that you carried, you know, trauma and those kind
Speaker 1: of things and stuff takes a while to sort of dissipate,
Speaker 1: So practical steps. How do you get from me super crazy,
Speaker 1: burnt out after nearly two decades in this kind of
Speaker 1: career yeap, just slowing down to relaxing your nervous system
Speaker 1: and getting your mental health right. And also how did
Speaker 1: you afford to take the time out? Because people that
Speaker 1: are listening are probably like, cool, I've also felt the
Speaker 1: same way, or I'm going through this right now. But
Speaker 1: I can't just like quit my job, you know, and yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe they have children, maybe they don't have children. How
Speaker 1: do you just quit your job and start studying when
Speaker 1: you're thirty six years old? That seems like a really
Speaker 1: big ask for people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and a big risk, right, you know, you're giving
Speaker 2: up a really good job. I guess I had dropped
Speaker 2: the ego and I was like, if we really need
Speaker 2: money on stack shelves at Coles.
Speaker 3: Like, you know, for me, I'm like, I knew that
Speaker 3: we would be okay. And I knew once.
Speaker 2: I got accepted that I needed to save, and so
Speaker 2: I was a maniac, like I scrutinized every bit of
Speaker 2: my budget. I knew what I had to save and
Speaker 2: I knew that if I had six months up my
Speaker 2: sleeve of my salary, that I'd be able to last
Speaker 2: probably about a year.
Speaker 1: A yeah, yeah, yeah, that's amazing.
Speaker 2: So I was like, if I just say that, that
Speaker 2: just gives me the buffer to just go and study
Speaker 2: and feel.
Speaker 1: Okay, did you have to pay for your study upfront?
Speaker 3: Well, you can put it on hex what's it called?
Speaker 1: If you?
Speaker 3: But then I did that, then I paid it.
Speaker 2: This was really hard for me, and as someone who
Speaker 2: does not like to relax and does not like quiet time,
Speaker 2: because I felt like I had to hustle from such
Speaker 2: a young age. I felt like, what am I missing
Speaker 2: out on? If I'm not hustling? Am I being lazy?
Speaker 2: You get ahead by hustling and working. And all of
Speaker 2: this taught me in twenty twenty two that you have
Speaker 2: nothing if you don't have your health. And it sounds
Speaker 2: like a cliche to say, but that was right there
Speaker 2: in front of me. I couldn't keep doing my job,
Speaker 2: I couldn't be there for my friends, my family because
Speaker 2: my health wasn't good. And so that year I retreated,
Speaker 2: like I pulled away from friends and so it took
Speaker 2: a long time, and it actually took for me to
Speaker 2: study psychology to learn some more tools to be able
Speaker 2: to heal this burnout.
Speaker 3: And I would say it took me a full year
Speaker 3: to really heal the burnout while I was studying.
Speaker 1: I mean, your nervous system would have just been absolutely firing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like you would have just been a bit of a result. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Like it's a bit of a hot message in terms
Speaker 1: of like your brain probably couldn't even compute certain things
Speaker 1: because you were that burnt out.
Speaker 2: And I couldn't remember anything. I'd say things to people
Speaker 2: and then I'd repeat it, and I was like, am
Speaker 2: I getting Alzheimer's? Like quite seriously, I was like, am
Speaker 2: I developing dementia?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 3: Why can't I remember this stuff?
Speaker 2: But it was just because when you're in a stressed
Speaker 2: state or a traumatic state, your brain doesn't lay down memories.
Speaker 2: Your body starts letting go of functions that it doesn't need,
Speaker 2: and your brain in particular when you're stressed, because it's
Speaker 2: like I've got to send everything.
Speaker 3: To deal with the stress. So it took a whole year.
Speaker 1: And is that why they say that people who have
Speaker 1: trauma in their childhood don't remember? Like can have people
Speaker 1: say that don't remember the childhood.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when you're in a traumatic state, your brain doesn't
Speaker 2: lay down memories and so it takes for you to
Speaker 2: feel safe typically for those to come back. So I
Speaker 2: learn a lot in psychology. I was really able to
Speaker 2: apply that to myself and use myself as a little
Speaker 2: They call it like an N of one experiment, like
Speaker 2: I was the one that I was experimenting on and
Speaker 2: trying all these different things, And that's sort of how
Speaker 2: I developed my framework that I now do my speeches
Speaker 2: around the five things that create a wellbeing buffer around
Speaker 2: you to help you manage and deal with burnout.
Speaker 3: But I think more.
Speaker 2: Important than that is being able to just take time
Speaker 2: to pause and check in with how you're really feeling,
Speaker 2: because it's very easy to keep going, going, going, going,
Speaker 2: going and not know how you're feeling. Changing your environment
Speaker 2: is really important as well, because everything is the same
Speaker 2: in your environment. So I say a lot, you've got kids,
Speaker 2: when do you get a moment? I say to take
Speaker 2: the micro moments because if you look at your screen
Speaker 2: time on your phone right now, how many hours is it?
Speaker 2: Saying that we're on there right And I think this
Speaker 2: might sound harsh, but we are the only people in
Speaker 2: charge of our wellbeing. There are things that impact it,
Speaker 2: but we're the only people in charge.
Speaker 3: So could you when you.
Speaker 2: Do the groceries and maybe drapes has got Bowie and
Speaker 2: Alfie's at school, sit for five minutes in the car
Speaker 2: and do some of the Stanford breathing, you know, big
Speaker 2: signing through the nose, extra sip of air, big long
Speaker 2: ex How there's a really really good tool. It's called
Speaker 2: implementation intentions. So it's part of a behavior change model.
Speaker 2: And what it is is you create a handful of
Speaker 2: if then sentences. If I'm feeling anxious, I.
Speaker 3: Go for a run.
Speaker 2: If I'm feeling overwhelmed at home, I go for a
Speaker 2: ten minute walk around the block.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: If I have five minutes before an appointment, I do
Speaker 2: my Stanford breathing.
Speaker 1: Yes, not a scroll Instagram because it's accessible to me
Speaker 1: and it's a quick dopamine hit.
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 2: A really good way to stop the scrolling is to
Speaker 2: turn your phone to grayscale. If you want grayscale, so
Speaker 2: it's like black and white.
Speaker 1: Never heard of it? Oh, I did do that. I
Speaker 1: do not disturb. I love that. Yeah, but then I
Speaker 1: find myself like turning it off. Sometimes. Yeah, Like eight
Speaker 1: o'clock at night, I'm like, cool, do not disturb by
Speaker 1: Like eight thirty, I'm like in bed about to watch
Speaker 1: Bloody Vanda Pump Rules, And I'm like, oh, under, Like
Speaker 1: we're so dumb. We set ourselves up for failure.
Speaker 3: All the time. No, we're not dumb. We are not dumb.
Speaker 2: The apps are playing to what they know our brain wants. Like,
Speaker 2: it is not us being dumb. Our brain knows it's
Speaker 2: going to get that little false dopamine hit every time
Speaker 2: that it looks, and you get a new little like
Speaker 2: or a new piece of information. There are two things
Speaker 2: that are really helpful for that. There's an app called
Speaker 2: opal okay that you install on your phone and you
Speaker 2: set what apps you want to shut down and from
Speaker 2: what times, and once you've set it, you cannot unset it.
Speaker 1: But the day that's what the iPhones do with screen time?
Speaker 3: Is that?
Speaker 1: Why is it different?
Speaker 3: I don't think it is the same.
Speaker 2: So it actually shuts the apps down like you cannot
Speaker 2: oh you can't open.
Speaker 1: Them, okay, because you can on the iPhone like Instagram.
Speaker 1: I've done that and it's like do you want another
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: I do of course I do. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: just shut that shit down.
Speaker 2: Okay, people does not allow the fifteen minutes you say
Speaker 2: eight pm to eight am. I want no emails, no
Speaker 2: text messages, no Instagram, no Facebook for that time that
Speaker 2: you set it for.
Speaker 3: The twenty four you cannot.
Speaker 1: You can't do it.
Speaker 3: It's daring.
Speaker 1: I love this. Yeah, this is really powerful because yeah,
Speaker 1: the iPhone doesn't really set you up for success with that.
Speaker 2: Well no, because the iPhone wants you on the iPhone
Speaker 2: and then gray scales are other good ones. So it
Speaker 2: turns your phone black and white, super easy to do
Speaker 2: in your settings. Once you've turned it black and white,
Speaker 2: if you open Instagram a couple of times, you'll just.
Speaker 1: Be really, it doesn't look appealing. Pile it. We can't
Speaker 1: because our phones are recording, butilotte very appeal.
Speaker 3: I'll show you after. It makes it very unappealing to
Speaker 3: look out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you just kind of get bored of it.
Speaker 1: Brains that there's no color on border forget. Okay, amazing.
Speaker 1: Do you leave your phone on loud when it's in
Speaker 1: the other room because for me, I know this is odd,
Speaker 1: but I always think, like my dad lives in Perth,
Speaker 1: what if something happens to my dad and they need
Speaker 1: to contact me in the middle of the night. My
Speaker 1: mum lives in Brisbane, she's on her own. What if
Speaker 1: she needs someone. This may sound like an excuse, but
Speaker 1: these are the things that I think about. I have
Speaker 1: it there because I'm just I don't think about putting
Speaker 1: it in the other rooms. Yes, but I always think,
Speaker 1: what if, like someone that really needs me. And the
Speaker 1: funny thing is no one kind of ever has.
Speaker 2: So you can keep it in your room, but put
Speaker 2: it so that you're not when you're lying in bed,
Speaker 2: you would have to get out of bed to.
Speaker 3: Go and get it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's resistance.
Speaker 3: There's resistance.
Speaker 2: Create resistance in your environment, and the more resistance, the
Speaker 2: less likely you're going to be able to get up
Speaker 2: and get it. The other thing you can do is
Speaker 2: put override on, so when it's on sleep mode or
Speaker 2: do not disturb, you can have certain contacts that override
Speaker 2: that do not disturb.
Speaker 3: Right, And so if Liam Ring's on my do not disturb,
Speaker 3: his call will always come through on louch.
Speaker 1: Okay, maybe I need to do that again. Amazing. Well, there's
Speaker 1: some great practical steps. First and foremost, the other thing
Speaker 1: is I feel like it can be so overwhelming to
Speaker 1: do personal development. Like most of us have jobs. If
Speaker 1: we have children, great, if we don't, we're still busy.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of stuff going on, it feels like
Speaker 1: for me and kind of going through what I've seen
Speaker 1: Drapes go through with his mental health, there was no
Speaker 1: way he could have gone back to work after Master Chef.
Speaker 1: He was on the couch like he was not good
Speaker 1: for like four months, and I watched him get back
Speaker 1: to himself and work on his mental health, but that
Speaker 1: took so much time. He was, honestly like a job,
Speaker 1: and not all of us had luxury to just like
Speaker 1: tap out for three months and sort ourselves out. It
Speaker 1: feels overwhelming sometimes, and people might think that it's a
Speaker 1: little bit too hard to do because I don't want
Speaker 1: to have to add one more thing to my day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like when I listen to these podcasts and I hear
Speaker 1: do this and add this and take this supplement and
Speaker 1: like this will change your life, I'm like, fuck me,
Speaker 1: Like I'm taking the liver, I'm like ewing the walks,
Speaker 1: I'm doing the training, I'm fucking calorie chounting, like I'm
Speaker 1: doing all these things every day, and I don't want
Speaker 1: to have to add two more things. I actually can't
Speaker 1: right now, yeap, So I don't understand how we're supposed
Speaker 1: to add any more of these tips into our lives
Speaker 1: to help out mental health and well being if we're
Speaker 1: having a hard time, like do we drop some.
Speaker 2: There are two things that I say, lower the bar,
Speaker 2: Always lower the bar. How many times have you looked
Speaker 2: and be like, oh, I don't have an hour, I
Speaker 2: can't go do a workout, but can you do five
Speaker 2: squats in the kitchen?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like it.
Speaker 2: Sounds silly, but those five squats immediately released dopamine and
Speaker 2: just help you to lift your mood a little bit.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: I always think it's about the little.
Speaker 2: Small things that you can implement instead not and you know,
Speaker 2: it's not about out doing a three hour morning routine day.
Speaker 2: Andrew Huberman, Andrew Huberman, but you know.
Speaker 1: Dope, And I talk about this recently. The days of
Speaker 1: four thirty a and wake ups, walking on the beach,
Speaker 1: doing the workout, having a coffee at a cafe, like
Speaker 1: those days are gone for us.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 1: I took a long time to kind of rewire my
Speaker 1: brain of like shit, I can't do that anymore. I've
Speaker 1: got a kid, but now I don't know how to
Speaker 1: feel good in the morning. It was really hard when
Speaker 1: we first had Alphae to get back to like our
Speaker 1: morning routine and what worked. But like you just said,
Speaker 1: it was kind of okay, I can't do all the
Speaker 1: things I've got to do. What do you say instead
Speaker 1: of y instead not and amazing?
Speaker 3: And meet yourself where you are? You know what I mean? Like,
Speaker 3: if you know you've got maybe.
Speaker 2: A five minute window, what is something you can do
Speaker 2: in that five minute window that's going to make you
Speaker 2: feel really good? And there's a lot of research that
Speaker 2: actually says for movement for your brain, doing ten minutes
Speaker 2: every day is much better than trying to do an
Speaker 2: hour twice a week.
Speaker 1: Okay, So consistency, right, Consistency its every day you move
Speaker 1: every day, don't you even like on a Sunday, Yes,
Speaker 1: every day when most people having rest days. Your lig's
Speaker 1: still moving.
Speaker 2: Even if it's just a walk, you know, like for
Speaker 2: me because I know it's important to my brain. It's
Speaker 2: about proof points, and it's going to feel like it's
Speaker 2: a bit resistant at the start. You know, you're just
Speaker 2: like you might not feel that different. Some things you
Speaker 2: might feel different straight away, but after you're doing it
Speaker 2: for a while, you will realize, particularly when you stop,
Speaker 2: how much of an impact it was having. So the
Speaker 2: five things that I talk about that are in science
Speaker 2: that are absolutely key to improving your well being and
Speaker 2: keeping good well being, mindfulness, good relationships. Longest longitudal to
Speaker 2: study that Harvard ever did shows that relationships are the
Speaker 2: number one key to happiness.
Speaker 1: I get that. Yeah, of course they are.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: They've studied people and then their children and their children
Speaker 2: for eighty years for this study, and they have found
Speaker 2: that not only is it the key to happiness, it
Speaker 2: also helps to prevent Alzheimer's and dementia, anxiety, and depression.
Speaker 2: And so invest in your relation like they are the
Speaker 2: share market, like, really spend time investing in your relationships.
Speaker 2: Movement like so much science around movement. Good nutrition yeah,
Speaker 2: and sleep.
Speaker 1: Yeah, these things all feel so simple, but they're not.
Speaker 3: They're simple, not easy.
Speaker 1: Most of my friends have jobs, nine to five jobs. Yeah,
Speaker 1: funnily enough, everyone that I'm friends with here on the
Speaker 1: Northern Rivers, everyone owns their own businesses, right, so we
Speaker 1: don't have this kind of resistance. But what if you're
Speaker 1: working in a job and you've got Sally who is
Speaker 1: being awful to you. She's a relationship that you have
Speaker 1: in your life. You need to work closely with her.
Speaker 1: Is that going to impact us?
Speaker 3: Absolutely, it impacts you.
Speaker 2: But having hard conversations is really important too, and being
Speaker 2: able to bring that up to your leaders. And if
Speaker 2: it gets to the point where it's that bad, I
Speaker 2: always say, remove yourself from the environment.
Speaker 1: You would absolute dream job, just get out.
Speaker 2: If I would remove myself if it was impacting my health.
Speaker 2: And it's not always immediate, and it's not easy, don't
Speaker 2: get me wrong. Like it is not immediate and it's
Speaker 2: not easy, but it's about putting steps in place to
Speaker 2: remove you that can cause significant mental health issues.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's one of the main things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I don't know if it's like I'm a woman,
Speaker 1: so I'm only speaking from my perspective and I'm speaking
Speaker 1: on behalf of my girlfriends. But I don't feel like
Speaker 1: men have this stuff in the workplace. We're talking about
Speaker 1: relationships now because obviously we can control to a certain
Speaker 1: degree our relationships in our own home. We can say
Speaker 1: I don't want to be married to you, anymore, and
Speaker 1: we can go our separate ways. We can control them
Speaker 1: within our family. Like you know, if it's your sister,
Speaker 1: I don't want to spend as much time with you
Speaker 1: right now for this reason. You can set boundaries. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you can't quite do that when you have to
Speaker 1: go to work every day and you have to work
Speaker 1: with a specific person on the other side of the table.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's definitely not easy at all.
Speaker 2: I challenged that idea having worked in HR for a
Speaker 2: long time before I went into banking.
Speaker 3: Men have the issues as well.
Speaker 2: Okay, absolutely, they just don't always verbalize it or talk
Speaker 2: about it, and they deal with it in different ways.
Speaker 2: And usually my experience is that they are a little
Speaker 2: bit sneakier or they undermine rather than having like digs
Speaker 2: at each other face to face.
Speaker 1: Okay, they don't want to say, hey, this behavior is
Speaker 1: not okay fax zi reason. Yeah, therefore, just like tell
Speaker 1: them the boss the issue your.
Speaker 3: Job, or like sabotaging work or things like that.
Speaker 1: What relationships are impacting my health right now? Yeah, which
Speaker 1: it sounds kind of funny to say that, because no.
Speaker 2: I say do a relationship audit, I say, always do
Speaker 2: a relationship audit.
Speaker 3: Like, so I encourage doing just a well being check
Speaker 3: in once a month, How am I going?
Speaker 2: Where am I at on those five things and just
Speaker 2: taking a moment to reflect and do a relationship audit.
Speaker 3: How are my five closest people to me? How am
Speaker 3: I feeling with that? Have I checked in on them recently?
Speaker 3: You know it's not a way something bad, It's like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, maybe I haven't called that person. I'm
Speaker 3: going to just give them a call next time I'm
Speaker 3: in the car.
Speaker 1: Amazing love that, Yeah, and that obviously fosters beautiful relationships
Speaker 1: as well and being supportive, you.
Speaker 3: Know, absolutely so.
Speaker 1: And your best habits to implement for our mental health
Speaker 1: and wellbeing. You've just talked about the five different areas
Speaker 1: that impact our mental health and our wellbeing. What are
Speaker 1: some habits that you give us to implement and how
Speaker 1: do we actually implement habits? Because we've just had these conversations,
Speaker 1: it's so easy to like turn off, do not disturb
Speaker 1: or whatever. How do we get them to actually embed
Speaker 1: to integrate? Yes, effortlessly, because we don't have all the
Speaker 1: time the ways effortless Okay, I'll be honest, there's no shortcuts.
Speaker 2: You may feel more resistance, But discomforts not always bad.
Speaker 2: It's good for our brain. When we do something uncomfortable,
Speaker 2: it makes our brain grow.
Speaker 1: Okay, and Tira.
Speaker 3: Mid singular cortex, which is our willpower.
Speaker 2: Part of our brain grows when we do something that
Speaker 2: we don't want to do.
Speaker 1: That's hard, phenomenal.
Speaker 3: This is what I tell myself when I'm doing things
Speaker 3: I don't want to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm going to the gym. I don't want to
Speaker 2: pick up those weights. I'm like, no, my brain is
Speaker 2: growing today.
Speaker 1: I'm getting a bigger brain after this. Yeah, bigger brain,
Speaker 1: better life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, love it.
Speaker 1: We should for that. Yeah, Okay, cools, the best habits, inflement.
Speaker 1: What are we looking at here?
Speaker 2: So mindfulness yep, breath work every step of the way.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people have barrier to meditation.
Speaker 2: They think we've got to sit there with our legs
Speaker 2: crossed and our arms together and we don't have to
Speaker 2: think about any of our thoughts and it's actually not
Speaker 2: that at all, and just quickly lowering the bar with
Speaker 2: all of these. Okay, you mentioned earlier before we came on.
Speaker 2: I don't have twenty minutes twice a day. I get that,
Speaker 2: But do you have five minutes while you're parked waiting
Speaker 2: for our fie to come out of school.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I probably check females. Yeah that's the problem.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So put your phone on gray scale, stick that
Speaker 2: phone in your bag in the back where you can't
Speaker 2: reach it, and just take some moments to do some
Speaker 2: breath work.
Speaker 3: So there are a couple of things.
Speaker 2: There's a great playlist on Spotify called Meditations that you
Speaker 2: could literally just play through your car. Don't do it
Speaker 2: while you're driving because that could be dangerous. Or the
Speaker 2: Stanford breathing, so it is scientifically proven to lower your
Speaker 2: stress levels in the quickest way possible.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay, so let's go through that one again.
Speaker 3: We can do it together. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So you take a nice big in how through your nose,
Speaker 2: extra sipervera at the top, big long sigh out. Do
Speaker 2: that five times over and that will immediately reduce your
Speaker 2: stress levels. So they have scanned brains while people do
Speaker 2: this breath work, and it shows the brain changing while
Speaker 2: you're doing it, which is phenomenal. The other thing people
Speaker 2: do when their stress is take a big in how
Speaker 2: you know people do that?
Speaker 3: They take a bigin O.
Speaker 1: God, I have been sigg so much treeson. They're like,
Speaker 1: ah that, yes, yes, the.
Speaker 2: Sigh is the relaxation, so just know that the ex
Speaker 2: hel is the relaxation. That's what switches on our parasympathetic
Speaker 2: nervous system rest and digest. When you inhale, it's switching
Speaker 2: on your stress response. So just make sure that you're
Speaker 2: exhaling longer than your inhale.
Speaker 1: That's so interesting. I don't think a lot of people
Speaker 1: would know that. I feel like people think that the
Speaker 1: breathing in Yes, what did you say.
Speaker 2: The parasympathetics, it's a calming breath. No, it's the ex
Speaker 2: hel that is your calming breath.
Speaker 1: Okay, which is why when you do yoga and meditation
Speaker 1: with like it instructed, they're always telling you to breathe
Speaker 1: out into your belly, like as.
Speaker 4: Much as you can possibly breath belly. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 4: I mean if you think about it, you think about
Speaker 4: our ancestors. They've been chased by tigers, et cetera. They
Speaker 4: would have been holding their breath. Right, you're holding your
Speaker 4: breath because you're on edge. So let the ex hel
Speaker 4: out really.
Speaker 3: Long x hels.
Speaker 1: Okay, So that's easy. I can do that.
Speaker 2: Great nutrition so Excess sugar has been shown to increase anxiety, depression, inflammation,
Speaker 2: which is damaging to our brain. So just try and
Speaker 2: reduce sugar. The easiest way to reduce sugar is swap
Speaker 2: it out for protein. So you're making meals anyway, You're
Speaker 2: not having to do anything extra. Just make sure you're
Speaker 2: getting protein with every meal.
Speaker 1: Yeah but you say that, but I don't want to
Speaker 1: swap out my Loco Love chocolate at nighttime for a
Speaker 1: piece of steak.
Speaker 3: Well, so I think Loco Love is actually really good
Speaker 3: for you.
Speaker 2: Okay, but start your day with protein, so eggs, protein smoothie,
Speaker 2: something like that.
Speaker 3: It just helps you throughout the day to lower the
Speaker 3: sugar cravings.
Speaker 2: So if you start your day with protein, helps lowder
Speaker 2: those sugar cravings, which ultimately gives you a smoother mood
Speaker 2: and reduces anxiety and depression.
Speaker 1: Okay, it makes you don't want to reach for the
Speaker 1: stickers bar at two o'clock.
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly, less yep movement. So like I said, lower
Speaker 2: the bar ten minutes? Can you fit ten minutes in?
Speaker 1: We can? And so this is it. It is lowering
Speaker 1: a bar. I think like we're looking around all these
Speaker 1: people going like you know, oh, this Instagram account with
Speaker 1: this fit chick. Like today I saw this woman. She
Speaker 1: does five crazy hit workouts a week. Then she does
Speaker 1: like something on a Saturday, and like something on a Sunday,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm never going to be able to
Speaker 1: do that. Yeah, I mean maybe one day, but not
Speaker 1: right now. So my brain automatically goes, oh, like she
Speaker 1: looks like that, and she does that, and she's this healthy.
Speaker 1: I can't get there. So I know I can do
Speaker 1: ten minutes, but I feel like it doesn't actually help me.
Speaker 1: Like yesterday when I worked out here, I knew I
Speaker 1: had to do the hour, the last bit of it
Speaker 1: I didn't want to do, but I was like, I
Speaker 1: need to do this, or I haven't actually done the workout,
Speaker 1: like you do, know what I mean. We're perfectionists, but
Speaker 1: how do we rewire our brains? Like you just said,
Speaker 1: it's I guess it's lowering the bar.
Speaker 3: Something's better than nothing.
Speaker 1: This is all I can do right now, right because if.
Speaker 2: You don't have fifty two minutes to do your workout,
Speaker 2: you're not.
Speaker 3: Going to do a workout at all. No, exactly, So
Speaker 3: it's ten minutes better than no minutes.
Speaker 1: Yes, you are absolutely correct. I know that, and I
Speaker 1: hear that, but my brain still thinks like I've still
Speaker 1: got to do the whole thing. You're right, it is
Speaker 1: just changing.
Speaker 3: It's real brain. It's hard and it takes time.
Speaker 2: It does take time, and so I'm not going to
Speaker 2: say you'll do it for a week and you'll be like,
Speaker 2: on right, it's hard, it's not easy, and you'll fall
Speaker 2: off right, but just get back on doing your ten
Speaker 2: minutes every day. You'll then be like, Okay, I've got
Speaker 2: a bit of time. After this ten minutes, I can
Speaker 2: up that to twenty minutes. And then the habit is
Speaker 2: already stuck and you're just increasing the habit.
Speaker 1: And can I just say to new mums, lower the
Speaker 1: bar and then lower it again.
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Great.
Speaker 2: Next, hip relationships, The science shows an eight minute phone
Speaker 2: call or an eight minute conversation is enough to create
Speaker 2: true connection.
Speaker 3: So give someone a call next time you're driving somewhere.
Speaker 2: Use your car time wisely, So call someone for eight
Speaker 2: minutes once a week.
Speaker 1: It's all it takes, so achievable.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 2: And then the last one's sleep. So I say sleep
Speaker 2: is the underpinning of everything. Now, if you were a
Speaker 2: new mum with a baby, sleep is not going to
Speaker 2: be easy for Youah, so over index on the other four. Okay,
Speaker 2: don't be hard on yourself with that, particularly if you're
Speaker 2: a new mum.
Speaker 1: Yes, so I love that. Again, it's lowering the bar
Speaker 1: and going like I can't control this little part one
Speaker 1: of my five, but I can control the other five.
Speaker 1: What do you calls manage? What are these five things?
Speaker 2: I just call them the five wellbeing wheel, like it's
Speaker 2: part of the wellbeing wheel. Ultimately, they create I say,
Speaker 2: they create a well armor or buffer because we can't control.
Speaker 3: What happens in the outside world always.
Speaker 2: But it means that when those things hit us, they
Speaker 2: just hit us a little less tough.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: It's like you know those people who do the fencing
Speaker 2: and they've got the you know, the best thing on,
Speaker 2: like a bulletproof vest, right, it just slows down the
Speaker 2: impact a little bit. But if you don't have a newborn,
Speaker 2: what I say with sleep is try and keep consistent
Speaker 2: sleep and wake times really important because it helps our
Speaker 2: circadian rhythm and it helps train your body that when
Speaker 2: it gets to a certain time it's time to wind down.
Speaker 3: If you can keep that, if you can't.
Speaker 2: And if you've had a really bad sleep deprived night,
Speaker 2: get your eyes out in the bright sunlight. So the
Speaker 2: minute that you're up and out, get your eyes out
Speaker 2: in the bright sunlight. I know winter it comes a
Speaker 2: little bit later, but that actually kick starts your circadian
Speaker 2: rhythm for the day and it helps you wake up.
Speaker 1: Okay, so we're not wearing sunglasses.
Speaker 2: No, don't wear sunglasses. You need it into your eyes directly.
Speaker 2: Obviously we live in a high UV country, don't we
Speaker 2: walk around all day without you know, sunglasses, etc. But
Speaker 2: first ten minutes in the day the UV is low,
Speaker 2: get out and get.
Speaker 3: Some light in your eyes.
Speaker 1: Son, your eyeballs, sun your eyeballs. Didn't know if that
Speaker 1: was a thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, very good to kick start your circadian rhythm. Great,
Speaker 3: even if you've had a bad night sleep.
Speaker 1: Beautiful MOBI part of it, all the work you're doing,
Speaker 1: it's amazing. I love this conversation. Thank you and thanks
Speaker 1: to your time.
Speaker 3: Thanks for having me.