WEBVTT - BONUS EP- IS JEALOUSY A CURSE? 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:01.280 I want the fairy tale. 0:00:01.360 --> 0:00:02.640 I want the prince charming. 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:04.640 She how do I put? 0:00:04.640 --> 0:00:04.800 This? 0:00:05.000 --> 0:00:07.000 Isn't a fan of my kissing style. 0:00:07.520 --> 0:00:10.600 We would boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. 0:00:10.680 --> 0:00:11.680 He's in a trash bin. 0:00:11.760 --> 0:00:13.880 He's non recyclable, catching the mup. 0:00:15.200 --> 0:00:17.239 I love being love, I love love. 0:00:18.200 --> 0:00:21.239 On today's exclusive episode of Where's Your Head At, we 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:25.239 are talking to relationship coaches Hailey, Michelle Andrews, and her 0:00:25.280 --> 0:00:29.840 partner Sam. We will be diving into jealousy in relationships 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:33.320 and moving from a monogamous relationship to an open one. 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:34.240 Stay tuned. 0:00:39.240 --> 0:00:41.680 Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all 0:00:41.760 --> 0:00:47.080 things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between. 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:50.080 This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, 0:00:50.240 --> 0:00:57.960 intimate details, advice, and much more. Okay, and I think 0:00:57.960 --> 0:01:00.440 I've just shaken my hangover from the weekend. And your 0:01:00.480 --> 0:01:04.200 birthday was amazing. It was awesome. There was it was 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:06.920 on a boat. We were all white, There was a 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:10.720 champagne tower. There was a dude playing a saxophone. And 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:12.800 this is what I remember because I have been to 0:01:12.840 --> 0:01:17.240 some states, but this was I was in some serious strife. 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:19.440 I don't know how I didn go overboard, I know, 0:01:19.640 --> 0:01:22.000 to be honest, I was like, someone give mad a 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:25.080 dinghy because he looks like he's got some sea legs 0:01:25.080 --> 0:01:25.280 on it. 0:01:25.480 --> 0:01:29.679 Oh well, we went out afterwards, and this is, you know, 0:01:29.760 --> 0:01:32.040 the tailing of a good night. I obviously wanted to 0:01:32.120 --> 0:01:34.759 keep going. Genevieve had had enough, so she just got 0:01:34.800 --> 0:01:38.600 a new bar, went home. I woke up, came to 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:43.600 I don't even know what time. Oh god, didn't have 0:01:43.640 --> 0:01:46.480 a Sallyar phone. I had my wallet. I just was 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:48.800 lost outs on a park bench, passed out and I 0:01:48.840 --> 0:01:51.720 just had to walk down to Chapel Street, hailed a cab, 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:55.160 got home, no keys, climbed to a window, passed out 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:55.600 in bed. 0:01:56.360 --> 0:01:59.240 Jeez, so you lost your phe I. 0:01:59.160 --> 0:02:02.120 Did lose my phone, so I was off the socials, 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:04.160 off my phone for about forty eight hours. 0:02:04.160 --> 0:02:05.400 So I got a new one and that was actually 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:06.200 quite healthy. 0:02:05.960 --> 0:02:06.240 For me. 0:02:07.760 --> 0:02:08.720 The twenty four hours. 0:02:09.520 --> 0:02:11.680 It actually helped me a little bit. But how did 0:02:11.720 --> 0:02:13.000 you How did you find your party? 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:17.840 Honestly, the first hour was just kind of like getting 0:02:17.840 --> 0:02:21.120 everyone on board, making sure everything was as I wanted 0:02:21.120 --> 0:02:23.640 it to be, making sure everyone had drinks, was having 0:02:23.680 --> 0:02:26.160 a good time, and then as soon as the boat 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:29.120 took off we'd done the Champagne tower. I kind of 0:02:29.200 --> 0:02:32.120 just took a big sigh of relief and was like, Okay, 0:02:32.320 --> 0:02:35.679 now I can really have fun and party and relax 0:02:35.840 --> 0:02:39.800 and I don't know, like having a thirtieth birthday party. 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:43.079 I'm so glad I did it. Like it was everything 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:46.480 I wanted it to be and some and yeah, I 0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:49.560 think it's just amazing having all of the close people 0:02:49.720 --> 0:02:54.040 in your life together all at once. Everyone's mingling, making 0:02:54.080 --> 0:02:58.040 new connections. Everyone was really living in the present. I 0:02:58.160 --> 0:03:01.400 asked people to not post that night and just post 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:05.239 the next day, so people were less focused on social media, 0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:08.440 I guess, and just really enjoying the night. And it 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:10.440 was so fun, Like I had the best night. 0:03:10.720 --> 0:03:13.560 I remember that the boat took a while to take off, 0:03:13.600 --> 0:03:15.640 and I didn't understand why. I'm like, oh, we're all aboard, 0:03:15.760 --> 0:03:19.720 can we break a car? Let's take off. And that 0:03:19.880 --> 0:03:22.200 was where I got into some serious strife. That was 0:03:22.240 --> 0:03:26.400 when I just kept knocking back champagne and that was 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:28.640 where it all turned. It all went sound, Yeah, it 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:31.320 went south from there, But I've got a funny story. Actually, 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:33.919 So the bar was right next to the women's toilets. 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:37.120 So I'm at the bar, you know, usually where I 0:03:37.200 --> 0:03:40.200 am getting another drink, and Jen was trying to go 0:03:40.240 --> 0:03:42.440 to the bathroom but it was locked. She's like, I'm 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:44.320 busting and busting. I'm like, all right, well let's wait, 0:03:44.360 --> 0:03:46.840 So I grab our drinks were standing there waiting. After 0:03:46.880 --> 0:03:49.440 I think about like ten twenty minutes, the door opens 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:53.200 and it's Anna in a whole new outfitsh. 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:55.200 I was like what. 0:03:56.200 --> 0:03:58.960 And you had this big neon light with thirty above 0:03:59.000 --> 0:04:01.400 your head and I was like, what's going on? You 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:05.080 had three outfit changes in one night. It was quite extraordinary. 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:05.920 Tell me a bit about that. 0:04:06.400 --> 0:04:10.120 Yeah, I mean it was very extreme, but I just thought, 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:13.320 I want a new outfit for every decade I've been alive, 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:17.520 So three outfits for three decades. And yeah, it was fun. 0:04:17.600 --> 0:04:19.800 Like it took a little bit of help, so I 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:23.679 had all my friends helping in the toilet, like changing 0:04:23.680 --> 0:04:27.600 my outfits and helping. Like one was a corset like jumpsuits, 0:04:27.600 --> 0:04:30.200 so people were like strapping me into it. So it 0:04:30.200 --> 0:04:32.640 took a bit of man power, but we got through 0:04:32.680 --> 0:04:34.800 it and it was fun, Like it was fun changing 0:04:34.839 --> 0:04:37.320 it up. I couldn't choose what outfit I wanted. So 0:04:37.360 --> 0:04:39.400 I was just like, fuck it, let's just have all three. 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:41.960 The neon sign on the head seems like a good 0:04:41.960 --> 0:04:45.640 idea because it was dark on the boat, and I mean, yeah, 0:04:45.839 --> 0:04:51.200 I would encourage anyone to have an outfit change fun. 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:54.640 Three curtain changes, all right. And I saw you alluded 0:04:54.680 --> 0:04:56.600 to something on our last episode when we were talking 0:04:56.640 --> 0:05:00.720 about your thirty tips. Before thirty you mention that you 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:03.880 were getting a surprise, and you tell us later, Well. 0:05:03.760 --> 0:05:04.400 Tell us now. 0:05:05.839 --> 0:05:07.960 Yeah. So me and Michael and one of my best friends, 0:05:08.000 --> 0:05:12.000 Sarah went to the tattoo parlor and I got my 0:05:12.120 --> 0:05:13.560 first ever tattoo. 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:14.960 Wow did it hurt? 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:15.680 Where I was it? 0:05:16.600 --> 0:05:17.440 Where is it? 0:05:17.440 --> 0:05:19.599 It's in the inside of my arm. So it's a 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:23.159 little star. It's for my Nana. When she passed away, 0:05:23.520 --> 0:05:26.520 I kept seeing a single star and the sky, and 0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:28.839 I think I just knew it was her. When I 0:05:28.880 --> 0:05:31.800 was flying over to the UK, I was actually in 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:34.640 the air and I remember looking at the window of 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:37.040 the plane and there was so many stars in the sky, 0:05:37.200 --> 0:05:40.200 like hundreds. And then I went to sleep for an 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:42.240 hour and I woke up and I remember looking at 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:44.800 the time, which actually ended up being the time that 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:49.240 she passed away, and I pulled up the plane window 0:05:49.320 --> 0:05:52.080 cover and there was just one star in the sky 0:05:52.160 --> 0:05:54.480 of a sudden and I think in that moment, I 0:05:54.600 --> 0:05:57.800 just knew that she had passed. And from then on 0:05:57.880 --> 0:06:01.000 I just kept constantly seeing a single star in the 0:06:01.000 --> 0:06:05.160 sky until my papa, her husband passed, and then I 0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:07.560 never saw it again, and I'm sure I will see 0:06:07.560 --> 0:06:10.599 it again, but yeah, it just was pretty significant to 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:13.800 me and just kind of made me like know that 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:16.240 she was still there and still watching. So I decided 0:06:16.240 --> 0:06:16.760 to get that. 0:06:17.200 --> 0:06:20.560 It's really sweet. Actually I didn't realize that was the story. Yeah, 0:06:20.720 --> 0:06:23.119 now that you've got the first tattoo, do you reckon 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:25.560 there's more coming? Because they say you want you get 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:26.840 the first one, they all come. 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:27.559 Yeah. 0:06:27.680 --> 0:06:30.000 I mean Michael was in there with me and he 0:06:30.040 --> 0:06:33.440 doesn't have any tattoos yet, but he was kind of like, Oh, 0:06:33.920 --> 0:06:36.240 if we had more time, I definitely get a tattoo. 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:40.800 And we have spoken about potentially getting couple's tattoos. 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:42.240 That's a big thing here. 0:06:43.080 --> 0:06:47.440 I mean, Matt's already taken the plant, so but yeah, 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:50.280 I think, like I don't know, if maybe we were 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:53.120 going to get married or something or engaged or whatever. 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:56.240 It is, Like if there was like an event in 0:06:56.279 --> 0:07:00.080 our relationship that happened, we might get one. But other 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:02.680 than that, like I don't really feel like that need 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:05.839 and like desire to have more, Like I really just 0:07:05.880 --> 0:07:08.320 wanted something really small, really simple, Like it's in the 0:07:08.320 --> 0:07:12.240 inside of my arm so it's not super noticeable, and yeah, 0:07:12.280 --> 0:07:13.320 I'm really happy with it. 0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:16.280 Watch this space, Anna and Michael are going to Barley. 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:18.680 Who knows what might happen on one of the drunken nights, 0:07:18.760 --> 0:07:22.360 might stumble in to a tattoo parlor and get initials. 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:24.680 You had some great presence on the night as well. 0:07:24.840 --> 0:07:26.080 Do you want to tell us any of them. 0:07:26.440 --> 0:07:28.360 Yeah, well, let's talk about the present you got me 0:07:29.200 --> 0:07:31.840 you wanted to say, I was just say because it 0:07:31.920 --> 0:07:35.280 was really cute Matt, like, honestly, to be honest, I 0:07:35.360 --> 0:07:37.760 was expecting Matt to get me nothing like I was 0:07:37.800 --> 0:07:39.720 thinking I might get a card, and honestly that would 0:07:39.760 --> 0:07:42.720 have been amazing, But Matt went above and beyond Matt 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:45.000 and Jen. The first thing you got me, which I 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:48.360 thought was super sentimental, very sweet, was you got me 0:07:48.560 --> 0:07:52.800 our first ever script that we did for where's your 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:55.120 head at? And you framed it, yeah, and it was 0:07:55.160 --> 0:07:57.840 all rough and it was just like very raw, And 0:07:57.880 --> 0:07:59.680 I just love that because it is it's such a 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:02.680 night like in this podcast, like we've come such a 0:08:02.720 --> 0:08:04.840 long way. We have so many listeners now and we're 0:08:04.880 --> 0:08:07.840 super grateful for the community that we have, and it 0:08:07.920 --> 0:08:10.120 was a nice kind of like mark of how far 0:08:10.200 --> 0:08:15.080 we've come from that first very basic script that I looked. 0:08:14.880 --> 0:08:16.360 Over it as I was printing it off and I 0:08:16.400 --> 0:08:18.720 was like, I should fix this to what our standard 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:22.680 is now, and then I was like, probably not, Let's 0:08:22.680 --> 0:08:23.600 just leave it how it is. 0:08:24.440 --> 0:08:26.800 And then the second thing that you guys got me 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:31.760 was a beautiful Siriah and Sebastian necklace, which I'm obsessed 0:08:31.800 --> 0:08:35.160 with Siriah and Sebastian. It's a super fine necklace. It 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:37.319 has a little m on it. So when I first 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:39.560 opened it, I was like, is Matt getting me a 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:41.600 necklace from Matt? And then I was like, oh, no, 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:44.520 he's getting me one from Michael, maybe both of them. 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:48.680 Yeah, So that was all Jen. So thank you Jen 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:51.080 for that again, Yeah, thank you for that idea she 0:08:51.200 --> 0:08:53.600 got you and and Jen brought herself one as well 0:08:53.760 --> 0:08:55.920 she got one for Matthew and you for Michael. 0:08:56.120 --> 0:08:58.199 Thank you. I love it so, thank you guys. It 0:08:58.280 --> 0:09:00.360 was a very sweet gift. All right. So we have 0:09:00.480 --> 0:09:04.880 relationship coaches, Hailey and Sam back to talk about all 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:09.600 things jealousy and moving and transitioning from a monogamous relationship 0:09:09.679 --> 0:09:11.280 into an open one. So stay tuned. 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:17.080 So I've got to ask you, guys, are you guys 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:19.679 monogamous or are you in an open relationship? How does 0:09:19.720 --> 0:09:20.200 it work? 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:24.240 Yeah? So Sam and I for the last two years 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:28.560 we've been completely monogamous, completely devoted and this beautiful, sacred 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:32.400 container and just recently we've started to toy with the 0:09:32.440 --> 0:09:37.160 idea of possibly being open but in a very sacred, 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:38.200 conscious container. 0:09:38.840 --> 0:09:39.600 And so for me. 0:09:39.720 --> 0:09:44.920 Personally, the desire for possibly another woman, I feel like 0:09:44.960 --> 0:09:47.839 that could be so healing for me to experience that. 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:50.440 There's been a lot of feminine betrayal. 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:54.880 In my past, like this life, many lifetimes. Also maybe 0:09:54.920 --> 0:09:56.440 potential for another couple. 0:09:56.520 --> 0:09:58.920 We're not sure. We're kind of just like delving into 0:09:58.920 --> 0:09:59.439 a lot of this. 0:09:59.440 --> 0:10:01.480 Down so that we're very very open. And I think 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:03.400 this is the most powerful thing is when we talk 0:10:03.400 --> 0:10:06.680 about this conscious communication is just to be able to 0:10:06.679 --> 0:10:09.800 speak this truth, and like we've been speaking into recently, 0:10:09.840 --> 0:10:11.640 just because we speak about this doesn't mean it's something 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:14.920 we have to do. Yeah, it's about being having the 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:17.840 space and being able to speak openly and honestly. And 0:10:17.880 --> 0:10:20.280 it's something like for me has been a challenge my 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:23.800 entire life because my fear was always hurting people and 0:10:23.880 --> 0:10:25.800 hurting the ones I love, and so there were times 0:10:25.800 --> 0:10:27.960 where I didn't share that truth and that was something 0:10:27.960 --> 0:10:30.200 that I've spoken to recently where I'm like, I'm not 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:32.600 sure if monogamy is my truth, Like I'm not sure 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:35.520 if that's how I think I am or how people are. Necessarily, 0:10:35.520 --> 0:10:38.120 I think everyone has their own choice, and so just 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:41.120 being able to speak into that because it's like when 0:10:41.120 --> 0:10:43.640 we look at the feminine energy again we speak about this, 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:46.679 it's like the feminine desires love and connection above all, 0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:52.280 else whereas the masculine craves freedom and purpose, and sometimes 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:55.520 monogamy can take away from that freedom. And so it's 0:10:55.559 --> 0:10:59.040 something that I've spoken to. It's not necessarily us doing 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:02.520 this or being open, but it's the freedom of being 0:11:02.520 --> 0:11:05.120 able to speak that truth and being met in a 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:08.880 space where that's received. So it's definitely something where we're 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:09.360 open to. 0:11:09.520 --> 0:11:11.559 Definitely open to exploring. 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:16.120 And also like I think we all love beauty, and 0:11:16.200 --> 0:11:19.679 I feel like in this society it has been shunned 0:11:20.040 --> 0:11:23.840 to speak into finding something else beautiful or attractive, Like 0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:25.720 it is so healthy, Like if we see. 0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:30.360 A beautiful woman, it's like, hey, that fucking woman is beautiful. Yeah, 0:11:30.400 --> 0:11:32.959 and not get triggered by that. It's appreciated. 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:36.400 It's appreciating art. It's like we are all attracted. 0:11:36.000 --> 0:11:38.120 To beauty, yea absolutely. 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:40.400 And just because we're in a closed relationship in this 0:11:40.480 --> 0:11:43.640 closed container, it doesn't mean that we we don't see 0:11:43.640 --> 0:11:46.480 that or notice that or maybe desire it sometimes. And 0:11:46.520 --> 0:11:48.480 I think it's healthy to be able to speak into 0:11:48.520 --> 0:11:49.720 these things absolutely. 0:11:49.760 --> 0:11:53.440 Again, it's like not suppressing, you, not suppressing only the 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:55.640 negative on that comes when there's a suppression. So it's 0:11:55.640 --> 0:11:58.160 been able to speak our truth and then to be 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:01.360 received in that that space where it's like that just 0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:04.840 because oh I find that woman attractive doesn't mean I 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:06.920 want to go and have sex with that woman, you know, 0:12:06.960 --> 0:12:10.400 it's just it's admiring it and acknowledging that and then 0:12:10.440 --> 0:12:12.200 maybe then yeah, maybe then you're like yeah, me too, 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:14.720 you know, and then maybe she's like, those guys are 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:19.800 fucking hot and there's so much power around that when 0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:22.320 we you know, this is something that we've experienced, like 0:12:22.360 --> 0:12:25.600 speaking this truth and being in that container, and it's 0:12:25.640 --> 0:12:27.760 something that for me personally, I have a maybe a 0:12:27.760 --> 0:12:29.800 bit more experience with this some terms of love temples 0:12:29.800 --> 0:12:33.360 and really conscious connection. But it's like when we can 0:12:33.480 --> 0:12:37.760 express our sexuality in such a healthy way and without 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:41.719 jealousy and without fear, understanding that we are all one 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:43.960 on the biggest scale of things. So how can we 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:46.240 overcome this these things that are coming up? Why are 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:48.160 they coming up? And how can we really be in 0:12:48.200 --> 0:12:51.040 that divine union share that sacred energy. 0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:53.880 And for us, a big one is because there's there's 0:12:53.960 --> 0:12:57.319 a lot of polyamorous couples out there, and for us, 0:12:57.520 --> 0:13:00.480 what we believe at our core is that this container 0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:04.040 has to be solid first, and if there is a desire, 0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:07.280 is it coming from an unmet need within the relationship, 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:08.600 because if it is, that's. 0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:09.720 What needs attention first. 0:13:09.880 --> 0:13:10.120 Right. 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:13.000 Yeah, So there are a lot of people out there 0:13:13.040 --> 0:13:15.840 playing in this realm that aren't in a sacred safe 0:13:15.920 --> 0:13:18.800 container to begin with, and they're look searching outward for 0:13:18.840 --> 0:13:21.400 something else to fulfill them. They're not getting in the 0:13:21.440 --> 0:13:23.440 relationship where Sam and I have been the last two 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:26.679 years completely devoted to each other, to our growth, and 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:28.760 we've gotten to this certain level where it's like, hey, 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:31.760 now we might be ready to let someone else into 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:35.080 our sacred container and it would be a very specific energy. 0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:48.360 You're looking for a couple, Michael Quadruple Dan, I want. 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:51.560 To talk to you guys about Obviously, you guys are 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:54.320 both deeply in love with each other. It's very clear, 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:57.360 and just like you guys are a beautiful couple. It 0:13:57.440 --> 0:14:01.000 must be hard if you've been monoga for the past 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:05.840 two years and to now be shifting potentially, Like I know, 0:14:05.920 --> 0:14:09.160 nothing is certain, but if you guys were to be open, 0:14:10.280 --> 0:14:12.920 even just talking to you guys, like I think I 0:14:12.920 --> 0:14:16.240 can feel a lot of fear inside me bubbling over 0:14:16.400 --> 0:14:18.800 because it's just like, oh my god, you don't want 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:21.600 to lose them, Like, can you talk more on that, 0:14:21.840 --> 0:14:25.000 because yeah, I can definitely feel like the fear even 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:26.120 within myself. 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:29.840 We definitely can oh yeah, And this is this is 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:33.080 something again where it comes to this, this the mindset 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:36.080 of things, and I'm not sure of attachment style. 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:37.480 Yeah at all. Yeah, Yeah, so. 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:39.080 That you know that the love addict and the love 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:42.080 a void a and so it takes work to come 0:14:42.120 --> 0:14:45.960 to that space of a really secure attachment. Yeah, And 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:48.640 I think before any of this discussion can even happen, 0:14:48.960 --> 0:14:52.120 we have to be secure within ourselves. I mean, I'm 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:55.520 sure you can still explore that avenue, but it's potentially 0:14:55.520 --> 0:14:57.480 gonna open a can of worm. So it can be 0:14:57.560 --> 0:15:00.720 very healing, Yeah, it can be, but for it to 0:15:00.760 --> 0:15:02.840 be really in that state of pleasure, I think it's 0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:05.920 really important that we're doing the internal work first. And 0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:08.200 we both know that from within each other. And I've 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:10.240 known that, you know, I've known that for a long time. 0:15:10.320 --> 0:15:12.920 Like it's like it's kind of why we're just coming 0:15:12.960 --> 0:15:16.440 into this now, into these conversations and what it comes 0:15:16.440 --> 0:15:19.080 down to. Ultimately, it's a simple choice. It's a simple 0:15:19.160 --> 0:15:23.320 choice of love or fear. Yeah, am I choosing or 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:24.160 am I choosing fear? 0:15:24.520 --> 0:15:29.200 My attachment style is anxious avoidant. And it's interesting hearing 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:31.600 you say like we have to do the work to 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:35.640 get to a secure attachment because I've always believed that 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:40.720 I can never get to a secure attachment like I'm like, oh, 0:15:41.040 --> 0:15:44.000 I could never possibly be secure in a relationship like 0:15:44.080 --> 0:15:46.000 that's too out of my comfort zone. 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:47.400 I guess, how. 0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:50.440 Do people do that work to get to a secure 0:15:50.480 --> 0:15:52.680 attachment style? I guess is my question? 0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:55.640 Huge, huge work like this, This is the core of 0:15:55.840 --> 0:15:57.680 a lot of what we do. When I mean, for 0:15:57.720 --> 0:15:59.640 some people it can be easy, and others it depends 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:03.080 on that experience you've had in you know, your weather, 0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:06.320 you've experienced trauma around this I'm coming from. I was 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:08.960 that in that space of the avoidance where that came 0:16:09.000 --> 0:16:11.800 from has been such a huge part of my healing journey. 0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:16.240 So I think the first step to understand from my 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:20.240 perspective is that these challenges that we're faced in life, 0:16:20.280 --> 0:16:23.560 these things that have caused us pain, are actually gifts. 0:16:24.040 --> 0:16:27.200 So these are actually gifts for us to dive into 0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:29.920 our emotions, into our healing so we can come to 0:16:30.000 --> 0:16:34.880 that space of secure because our natural state is secure. 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.840 Our natural state is love and joy. That is where 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:39.640 we are, and then things have happened to us that 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:42.320 take us away from that. But the depths that we've 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:44.840 been taken away from that, the depths that we can 0:16:44.840 --> 0:16:47.400 feel our pain is equal to the depths, we can 0:16:47.400 --> 0:16:51.960 feel our pleasure. So once we can sort of reframe, 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:55.680 and this is what it's really about, reframing these things 0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:58.400 that have happened to us. And sometimes they're terrible, you know, 0:16:58.480 --> 0:17:01.400 sometimes they're really it's very hard to see it as 0:17:01.400 --> 0:17:05.960 a gift, but to understand there's always a silver lining 0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:09.840 to the cloud, no matter how dark it is, and 0:17:10.000 --> 0:17:12.359 just focusing on that silver lining. 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:14.399 It's a deep journey, sister. 0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:18.720 It's deep, it takes work, it doesn't just happen overnight. 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:21.840 And there's not just this lifetime of trauma. There's past 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:25.320 lifetimes of trauma, and there's collective feminine betrayals, feminine wounding. 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:27.160 There's a whole lot that's there. 0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:30.959 So yeah, to come to that secure attachment really takes 0:17:31.080 --> 0:17:32.440 a deep delve inwards. 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:35.800 Yeah, there's no one this is the way and it's 0:17:35.880 --> 0:17:36.399 not linear. 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:38.800 I think it's also I understay again that reframe of like, 0:17:38.960 --> 0:17:41.280 the work doesn't have to be hard, the work can 0:17:41.320 --> 0:17:44.400 be fun. We can be vulnerable and we can say like, yeah, 0:17:44.400 --> 0:17:45.920 this is where I'm coming from, this is what I'm 0:17:45.920 --> 0:17:49.320 struggling with, and then we can find the joy in 0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:52.280 working together to heal those wounds. It doesn't have to 0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:55.240 be hard, it doesn't have to be traumatic. So that there, 0:17:55.280 --> 0:17:57.320 and I think it's just about having that safe space 0:17:57.359 --> 0:18:00.000 and that container to do so. So it really comes 0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:03.320 from first and foremost being vulnerable, being vulnerable with ourselves, 0:18:03.760 --> 0:18:05.240 and then being vulnerable with each other. 0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:08.160 Yeah, it's like bringing everything out of the shadows, because, 0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:09.879 like you mentioned before, what was coming up for you 0:18:09.960 --> 0:18:12.280 was fear like maybe losing this love, and it's like 0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:15.600 actually speaking into that, like, hey, there's jealousy arising for 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:19.000 me right now, So what is that jealousy actually showing me? 0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:21.600 What do I need to look at? What is underneath that? 0:18:22.440 --> 0:18:25.520 As women, especially in my love, there was a time 0:18:25.600 --> 0:18:28.160 in our life not long ago, fifty years ago, where 0:18:28.160 --> 0:18:31.760 we couldn't survive without a man, right, We couldn't even 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:33.840 have a bank account with our name on it. We 0:18:33.920 --> 0:18:37.639 needed a man to survive. So back then, every woman 0:18:37.720 --> 0:18:39.639 became our enemy because she was a. 0:18:39.520 --> 0:18:40.879 Threat to our survival. 0:18:41.000 --> 0:18:43.880 So this is what we're working on on a very 0:18:43.960 --> 0:18:44.520 deep level. 0:18:44.560 --> 0:18:46.679 This is what I thought of it like that, Yeah, 0:18:46.920 --> 0:18:47.199 there's a. 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:51.160 Lot of every single woman became a threat, she became 0:18:51.280 --> 0:18:55.399 your enemy, And this is what we're rewriting this is 0:18:55.440 --> 0:18:57.160 what we're we're breaking through. 0:18:57.359 --> 0:18:59.720 Yeah, and then it's a personal experience that you have 0:19:00.280 --> 0:19:02.920 in your life as well. Come through that, and it's 0:19:02.920 --> 0:19:06.000 so beautiful to see like knowing and understanding what you've 0:19:06.040 --> 0:19:08.679 experienced in life and where you've come from and to 0:19:08.720 --> 0:19:11.560 see how you've changed that. Yeah, you know, you know 0:19:11.560 --> 0:19:15.040 it's still a jealousy was still a challenge when when we. 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:17.280 When we first got together, I was like, fucking, no 0:19:17.280 --> 0:19:21.800