1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:01,400 Speaker 1: Welcome back to Just for Girls. 2 00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:03,640 Speaker 2: Kind of long time, no speak, not really, I do 3 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:05,000 Speaker 2: speak to you guys every Tuesday, but. 4 00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: It's a little bit different. We're just hitting in the dilemmas. 5 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,480 Speaker 1: We've got a few dilemmas because you guys are doo geez. 6 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:14,520 Speaker 3: So I was so blown away by like the breadth 7 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:17,400 Speaker 3: of submissions in the came like we are going to jump. 8 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 3: That might feel like a headspin, but it's fun. So 9 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:22,880 Speaker 3: we'll start with short and sweet. Hey, Sam, My dilemma 10 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:25,600 Speaker 3: of the day is my friend low Ki enjoys when 11 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 3: things go wrong for me, and I'm starting to notice 12 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:31,000 Speaker 3: it more than I should. Example, when I have a 13 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 3: bad day, instead of checking if I was okay, she 14 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 3: kind of laughs and says, well, that's unlucky. 15 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:39,959 Speaker 2: Any suggestion, Hey, Siri, play story of my life by 16 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:40,519 Speaker 2: one direction? 17 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,160 Speaker 1: Actually, so your friend Loki. 18 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:46,920 Speaker 2: Hates you for I've had this quite a few times 19 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 2: in my life, and I'm going to say this stuff. 20 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:50,919 Speaker 2: I'm going to be putting it out there, and I like, 21 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,279 Speaker 2: I don't want it to come from perspective of I 22 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:54,440 Speaker 2: think of myself like. 23 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: This because I don't. 24 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,880 Speaker 2: But a lot of the time when there's an imbalance 25 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:02,960 Speaker 2: in friendships, and you're constantly doing things and putting yourself 26 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:05,399 Speaker 2: out there, or you have this opportunity and she does, 27 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,039 Speaker 2: and that does come a little bit of a resentment involved, 28 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,240 Speaker 2: and that's kind of sounds like what your friend does have. 29 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:13,520 Speaker 2: So then the second that something bad happens, it provides 30 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:14,600 Speaker 2: her with that boost. 31 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:17,080 Speaker 1: Of serotonin, and it's really toxic. 32 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:20,559 Speaker 2: And that's why a lot of female friendships fall out, 33 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 2: and especially I don't know how old you are, but 34 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,080 Speaker 2: I'm just going to assume that you're in your early 35 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,320 Speaker 2: twenties or late teens. 36 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,080 Speaker 1: It's a very common thing. 37 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 2: And that's why I don't like the saying of like, oh, well, 38 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:33,160 Speaker 2: she constantly has like she doesn't hold onto friendships. It's 39 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,480 Speaker 2: like you're changing and you're evolving so much as a 40 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,680 Speaker 2: person as you're growing up, so it doesn't really matter 41 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 2: like I'm still friendly and friends with the girls from 42 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,520 Speaker 2: high school and my best friends with them. 43 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:44,920 Speaker 1: No, because such different life's paths, that envy. 44 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:48,000 Speaker 2: And jealousy and everything can get involved on both parts. 45 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,960 Speaker 2: I can be envious of what they are doing and 46 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:53,440 Speaker 2: everything like that. So sometimes your friendships do distance and 47 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,640 Speaker 2: fall apart for certain periods. And it just kind of 48 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 2: sounds like she Loki hates you. And that's a very 49 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 2: big thing in female friends. And when resentment gets involved 50 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,440 Speaker 2: and you start doing your own things, because especially in 51 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,080 Speaker 2: high school, you're doing the same things. 52 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:07,240 Speaker 1: You're kind of on the same level. 53 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:08,720 Speaker 2: You're both in the same year level at school, you're 54 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:11,080 Speaker 2: both doing the same subjects, you're both going through Maybe 55 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:12,960 Speaker 2: grades are different, but you're doing different subjects. 56 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. Like you're both in the same live path. 57 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:16,679 Speaker 2: Yours might accelerate as soon as you get out of 58 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:19,000 Speaker 2: schools and hers might go on a different pathway. And 59 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,240 Speaker 2: that's when resentment and everything comes involved. I would just say, 60 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,240 Speaker 2: distance yourself if it doesn't make you feel good. Why 61 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,360 Speaker 2: are you constantly putting yourself in that year of the Snake? 62 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:28,680 Speaker 2: Shut it out. The Year of the Snake is actually 63 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:30,440 Speaker 2: ending on the sixteenth of feb so we still have 64 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 2: some more shedding to do before then. 65 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,079 Speaker 1: So yeah, shut it out, drop her. 66 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,960 Speaker 2: Sorry, Well, just distance yourself if it doesn't make you 67 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,359 Speaker 2: feel good, don't put yourself in that situation period period. 68 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,400 Speaker 3: So our second one, this is a bit of a 69 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 3: longer one. Hey, Sam love the podcast. I really need 70 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:50,600 Speaker 3: your advice on a dating situation. Sorry it's a bit long. 71 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:52,680 Speaker 1: Okay, Well, I don't really know how I can help you, so. 72 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:55,680 Speaker 3: Well, this one's a rollercoster. I've been on four dates 73 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,679 Speaker 3: with the guy I met on Hinge. The first time 74 00:02:57,680 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 3: we met, he picked me up after I was out 75 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,000 Speaker 3: with a friend and we didn't do anything physical, but 76 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,400 Speaker 3: we sat in his car for about two hours, talking 77 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 3: and holding hands. We already had a date planned for 78 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,600 Speaker 3: the next day. We went mini golfing, then bowling, then 79 00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:15,280 Speaker 3: the arcade had to strike whoa. It was really cute. 80 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,560 Speaker 3: We kissed and then went for a drive to a lookout. 81 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,120 Speaker 3: The next day he asked me to the drive ins, 82 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,200 Speaker 3: which was also really nice. 83 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:23,120 Speaker 1: Too much. 84 00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 3: We've had great sexual chemistry the whole time, even though 85 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:30,080 Speaker 3: we haven't gone the whole way, and I genuinely felt 86 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:32,960 Speaker 3: like things were going well. After that, I noticed his 87 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,720 Speaker 3: reply times slowing down and his message is getting shorter. 88 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:39,840 Speaker 3: To get some clarity, I asked him out myself on 89 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:42,360 Speaker 3: a Wednesday. He replied, I was just about to ask 90 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:45,400 Speaker 3: you the same thing. I'm only free Friday. Does that work? 91 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 3: That reassured me and made me think I was just overthinking. 92 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 3: Then Friday came. We went to dinner and then again 93 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:55,840 Speaker 3: to a lookout. During the date, he was noticeably I can. 94 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 1: Tell you both live at home. 95 00:03:57,040 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, it's like sounding so cute the date. 96 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 1: Nothing wrong with that as well. 97 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 2: I could just tell, like the lookouts after the dinner, 98 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,440 Speaker 2: it's just like you're not going back to one of 99 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 2: the houses because parents are. 100 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 3: It just takes us bad. During the date, he was 101 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 3: noticeably less affectionate than on previous dates. After about an 102 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,480 Speaker 3: hour of talking in his car, he said he wanted 103 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 3: to kiss me, but didn't want me to think that's 104 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:17,480 Speaker 3: all he wanted. 105 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 1: Then there's a lot of communication. Can we here? I know. 106 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,720 Speaker 3: He then told me that he hadn't really been feeling 107 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,039 Speaker 3: it the last few dates, but that he had a 108 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:29,960 Speaker 3: good time that night and felt confused. He asked where 109 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,480 Speaker 3: I saw things going, and I said it was still early, 110 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:35,120 Speaker 3: only four dates in, but that I wasn't looking for 111 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:39,080 Speaker 3: something casual, which he said he understood. He also asked 112 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,919 Speaker 3: how I feel about girl best friends, because one of 113 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,920 Speaker 3: his close female friends was coming to visit the following weekend. 114 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,160 Speaker 3: I said, I didn't really have a problem with it, 115 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 3: but I thought it was interesting that he bought it up. 116 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,640 Speaker 3: When he dropped me back at my car, we ended 117 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,560 Speaker 3: up hooking up in his car for another hour and 118 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 3: a half. 119 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:54,360 Speaker 1: Again. 120 00:04:54,720 --> 00:05:01,000 Speaker 2: Oh you love a little tongue warism, something says again. 121 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 3: We didn't go all the way, but the sexual chemistry 122 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 3: was really strong. We didn't make plans to see each other, 123 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,920 Speaker 3: he said. Our next catch up would probably be more 124 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,359 Speaker 3: spontaneous because he works five days a week as a 125 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:13,320 Speaker 3: trade and was busy all weekend with his friend visiting, 126 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,520 Speaker 3: so he didn't know when he'd be free. Since then, 127 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,760 Speaker 3: he didn't reply to me for three days while his 128 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:24,200 Speaker 3: girlfriends was visiting, even though he was reposting her stories 129 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:27,200 Speaker 3: of them together. I understand slow replies, but I feel 130 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,880 Speaker 3: like it's taking the piss a bit, he replied, normally, 131 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,400 Speaker 3: acting like he hadn't just gone ghost mode on me 132 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 3: over the weekends. I'm really confused because I thought we 133 00:05:35,279 --> 00:05:38,160 Speaker 3: were getting along and going on genuinely nice dates. 134 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:39,720 Speaker 1: He said he wouldn't. 135 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:42,120 Speaker 3: Ghost me, and I appreciate that he was being honest 136 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 3: about feeling unsure, but it's left me overthinking everything and 137 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 3: not knowing where I stand. Please help. 138 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,359 Speaker 2: Okay, First of all, you need to reverse your mind 139 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,719 Speaker 2: into thinking why doesn't he he like me? 140 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 1: And do I like the way he's treating me? 141 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 2: Every girl needs to reverse the way that they think 142 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 2: about this stuff, because I think that that's when we 143 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 2: get into like toxic cycle and everything like that, of 144 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:02,200 Speaker 2: like does he like me? 145 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:05,080 Speaker 1: Does he think I'm pretty? Do I stick his boxes? 146 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:09,120 Speaker 2: No? Reverse that and say do I like him? Is 147 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,240 Speaker 2: he ticking my boxes? Is he what I see in 148 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,880 Speaker 2: a relationship? Is he treating me the way I want 149 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,720 Speaker 2: to be treated? And reverse that instead of I think 150 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:20,599 Speaker 2: you're looking for validation from him, which is so fine 151 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,480 Speaker 2: and so okay and so normal. 152 00:06:22,839 --> 00:06:24,640 Speaker 1: But just reverse it and go, is. 153 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,600 Speaker 2: He the way he's acting the way I want to 154 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 2: be treated? And yeah, okay, only four dates in, but 155 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,599 Speaker 2: you can tell a person for who they are and 156 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,159 Speaker 2: the way that they're acting, and if you would don't 157 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 2: want to be treated like that, put your foot down, 158 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,360 Speaker 2: because then they're like, if you don't put your foot down, 159 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,360 Speaker 2: that's normal to them, and they're going to treat you 160 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:44,800 Speaker 2: like that over and over again. So I think you 161 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:47,680 Speaker 2: need to change your way that you're first of all 162 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,279 Speaker 2: thinking about it in your head and ask yourself the 163 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:55,120 Speaker 2: questions internally about yourself about him, not you thinking what 164 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:55,719 Speaker 2: he thinks. 165 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,400 Speaker 1: About you, because first of all, that's so. 166 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:00,280 Speaker 2: Toxic and you just can't do that, and every or 167 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,760 Speaker 2: even if this isn't about you, you should be thinking 168 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:06,800 Speaker 2: like that. And my second tip for you is it's 169 00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:08,960 Speaker 2: so exciting when you first see someone and get along 170 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:12,240 Speaker 2: with them, and I can completely understand wanting to see 171 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:15,440 Speaker 2: them all the time. You need to leave space in 172 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,880 Speaker 2: between of seeing them to sit and reflect if it's 173 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,680 Speaker 2: actually good for you and what you want and if 174 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,920 Speaker 2: you enjoy it, because I think you did so many 175 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 2: activities and you're doing all of these things that that's 176 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 2: maybe what you think is fun, not necessarily the man. 177 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 2: Oh my god. Yeah, we went to the bowling, we 178 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 2: went to the arcade, and we went for a drive, 179 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 2: and then we went to the lookout. Like are you 180 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,320 Speaker 2: enjoying what you're doing or do you actually like the company? 181 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 2: Like you need to like space out the times that 182 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 2: you're seeing him because you just like probably enjoying the 183 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:48,960 Speaker 2: activities that you're doing it, and you could be doing 184 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:53,280 Speaker 2: that with anyone. So think you should kind of let 185 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 2: him take the reins like you asked the second time, 186 00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 2: and everything like that, maybe take a step back a 187 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 2: little bit and see if he's actively doing that. I 188 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:05,360 Speaker 2: don't think the girl best friend should be necessary an 189 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,640 Speaker 2: alarming thing, because he has communicated that if she wasn't 190 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:11,480 Speaker 2: the girl best friend, he wouldn't be posting her because 191 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,040 Speaker 2: then that makes him look like he's in. 192 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 1: A relationship, if that makes sense. 193 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,200 Speaker 2: I don't really know if I've answered your question and 194 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:20,040 Speaker 2: answered your advice, but I think even if this man 195 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 2: isn't going to be your boyfriend, it's a good learning 196 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 2: tip for you. Take your time in dating, take space 197 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:29,160 Speaker 2: in between the times that you're seeing them, and think 198 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,520 Speaker 2: about how they tick your boxes. 199 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:32,120 Speaker 1: Not your you tick theirs. 200 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,600 Speaker 3: All right, so our last one, Oh my god, this 201 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:37,760 Speaker 3: is actually my favorite one, like we've ever gotten? 202 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:41,040 Speaker 1: Oh really? Okay, we've had so many dilemmas. Do you reckon? 203 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 2: I've done like sixty domus answered all over the time 204 00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:45,800 Speaker 2: of me ever doing podcasts, I. 205 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:48,320 Speaker 3: Think more real, yeah, like over one hundred. 206 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:51,439 Speaker 1: Sure shit, all right, so there's my therapist's degree. 207 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 3: Hey, Sam, I have a dilemma, and I think you'll 208 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,319 Speaker 3: be able to help me because I know you made 209 00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:58,840 Speaker 3: a TikTok a long time ago. Addressing a similar topic, 210 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,280 Speaker 3: My Boyfrid and I have been in a massive debate lately. 211 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 3: For context, I'm Mauri and he is aussy. We're getting 212 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,360 Speaker 3: to the age where we can start thinking about kids 213 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:10,559 Speaker 3: in the next couple of years, and I want more 214 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,600 Speaker 3: than anything for them to have my last name. 215 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:13,479 Speaker 1: Oh. 216 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,599 Speaker 2: This is a massive debate I had. 217 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 3: As it will hold connection to their tribe, their culture, 218 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:21,440 Speaker 3: and heritage. The same goes if we eventually get married. 219 00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:23,840 Speaker 3: I still want to keep my connection to my roots. 220 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:27,720 Speaker 3: But he is convinced that they should only have his 221 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:31,520 Speaker 3: last name. Because he is quite old school and because 222 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,840 Speaker 3: he is the head of the house. He also what 223 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 3: he also. 224 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:37,959 Speaker 1: Are we in the nineteen forties? Hate this? 225 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:43,160 Speaker 3: He also has absolutely zero interests in hyphenating them. Please 226 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,000 Speaker 3: help any ideas on how to compromise. Is this a 227 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:46,679 Speaker 3: deal breaker? 228 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:50,520 Speaker 2: I fear I'm going to tell you something you don't 229 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,840 Speaker 2: want to hear. That is a deal breaker for me. 230 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:55,880 Speaker 2: That is a one hundred percent a deal breaker for 231 00:09:55,920 --> 00:10:00,440 Speaker 2: me because it goes further than the moral life. It 232 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,880 Speaker 2: goes further than the kids taking your last name. It's 233 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:07,280 Speaker 2: a moral issue. It's a triad wife kind of bullshit. 234 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,840 Speaker 2: That I'm not here for head of house. Yes, I 235 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,000 Speaker 2: can get that. You can be head of house and 236 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 2: be the man of the family. Regarding last names. Disregarding 237 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:19,200 Speaker 2: last names, the fact that that's connected to your heritage. 238 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:21,600 Speaker 1: My last name's Guggenheimer, and it's really unique. 239 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 2: And I know that my family will continue because I 240 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,360 Speaker 2: have brothers with the last name out. You could also 241 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,800 Speaker 2: be the only daughter and it wouldn't continue. But the 242 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,880 Speaker 2: fact that you have been so open about it connecting 243 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 2: to your roots, your heritage, and your tribe, and you 244 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 2: want your kids to be a part of that. 245 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:40,600 Speaker 1: Your husband should think, Wow, that is amazing. I love that. 246 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 2: I want to be a part of that. I want 247 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,000 Speaker 2: my kids to be a part of that. He would 248 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:45,840 Speaker 2: be like, I'm happy. He should be like, I'm happy 249 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,559 Speaker 2: to hyphenate my name and my kids' names. 250 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:51,760 Speaker 3: Or at least be receptive to hearing anything else. 251 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,440 Speaker 1: Like one hundred percent, I'm so sorry. 252 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,400 Speaker 2: I don't even have any advice about how you would 253 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 2: deal like this would be a deal breaker for me 254 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,200 Speaker 2: because it comes down to then how his why in 255 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,720 Speaker 2: his brain and he's thinking it's a moral thing, and 256 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:07,240 Speaker 2: he literally thinks that traditional stuff. It just wouldn't sit 257 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 2: well with me, and for me, that would be a 258 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 2: deal breaker if my husband wasn't open to it. I 259 00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:14,920 Speaker 2: remember having this conversation with my ex, and I had 260 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,400 Speaker 2: spoken about it on. 261 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 1: My TikTok and the TikTok went. 262 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,480 Speaker 2: Viral and there was a lot of backlash and ebbs 263 00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 2: and flows and everything like that. My perspective is, I 264 00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:28,760 Speaker 2: would take my husband's name legally, so I then legally 265 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:31,160 Speaker 2: have the same blast name as my kids. But I 266 00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:35,199 Speaker 2: in public and by name, it's quite a common thing 267 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:39,360 Speaker 2: to have it being Sam Gugenheimer. Still, like say it 268 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:43,760 Speaker 2: was Smith, I'd be Sam Smith, but okay, like I 269 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:48,160 Speaker 2: would be known as Sam Guggenheimer publicly. I say that 270 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:50,600 Speaker 2: because I obviously have a following and I've then built 271 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,160 Speaker 2: my brand, and my brand is Sam Gugenheimer. 272 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 1: I don't have like I. 273 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:58,320 Speaker 2: Obviously do have like cultural heritage of Gurgenheimer, but I'm 274 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:00,240 Speaker 2: not close with that and I'm not aligned with that 275 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 2: like you are. But I would legally take my husband's 276 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:06,000 Speaker 2: name so I can have the name as the kids. 277 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,960 Speaker 2: And maybe that's something that you could do, or like 278 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:11,720 Speaker 2: you can keep that, or maybe an option is the 279 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:15,080 Speaker 2: middle name is the kids, that's is your last name? 280 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,520 Speaker 2: Like not hyphenating, but like, okay, we get rid of 281 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,040 Speaker 2: middle names and the middle name is mine. 282 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, is my last name? Meet in the middle. 283 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,480 Speaker 2: I think, as the woman, you want to legally be 284 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 2: connected with your kids with the last name, and that 285 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,680 Speaker 2: would be really really hard not having that because like 286 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,040 Speaker 2: a birthed you out of my vagina. 287 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:35,560 Speaker 1: I want to have you. I want you to have 288 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:35,920 Speaker 1: the name. 289 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:39,640 Speaker 2: But I would also like, I would love my husband 290 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:41,640 Speaker 2: to take my last name if they were open to that, 291 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,880 Speaker 2: and if they weren't open to that, then not really 292 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:44,480 Speaker 2: my husband. 293 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, there's like it's the tides changing. 294 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 2: Well, like for example, Laura Henshaw, her husband took her 295 00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:52,160 Speaker 2: last name. 296 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:52,720 Speaker 3: Epic. 297 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,920 Speaker 2: Dalton, you are setting men up for the future, and 298 00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 2: you need a debate with fucking Andrew Tape because we 299 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:02,320 Speaker 2: need more men like you Dalton. Anyway, Yeah, that would 300 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 2: be really hard for me, and I feel really bad. 301 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:07,080 Speaker 2: I don't have any advice, but for me, you asked 302 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,720 Speaker 2: if that would be a deal breaker, and the way 303 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:14,400 Speaker 2: he may approach the situation, the conversations and how persistent 304 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 2: he is to not change, would personally put me off. 305 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:18,480 Speaker 1: Yeah. 306 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,920 Speaker 3: I think my main problem is it's like everyone's equal 307 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:25,959 Speaker 3: in a relationship. Yes, but it's like he's Aussie, he's traditional, 308 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,840 Speaker 3: so he's had at the house versus you, who has 309 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:32,960 Speaker 3: hundreds and thousands of year of history. Yeah, deeply ingrained 310 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,559 Speaker 3: in your culture. I think that's a bit more important. Sorry, 311 00:13:35,559 --> 00:13:36,800 Speaker 3: may like anything. 312 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,440 Speaker 2: If that was in my perspective, if I was in 313 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,720 Speaker 2: your shoes, I would be going to my father, if 314 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,160 Speaker 2: he was the maldi of the family, and I would 315 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:48,079 Speaker 2: be like, you need to educate my partner. Yeah, because 316 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:51,760 Speaker 2: it does come down from I'm making an assumption here, obviously, 317 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,680 Speaker 2: but it does come back down to the lack of 318 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,479 Speaker 2: education that this man probably has as a white Australian, 319 00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:59,560 Speaker 2: that he doesn't understand the history. And if he wants 320 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:01,880 Speaker 2: to be your life partner, he should understand the history. 321 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,560 Speaker 2: And if I was in that position and my partner 322 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,400 Speaker 2: was multi, I would be like, I love this. I 323 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:10,320 Speaker 2: would want to know about my family, like my partner's 324 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 2: family history, and I would be on it to take 325 00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 2: your last name because there's so much history involved besides 326 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 2: my last name, which is fucking Phillips. 327 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:18,800 Speaker 1: That's probably a convict. 328 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, and like pull you've thought about this when entering 329 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,240 Speaker 3: a relationship. Yeah as well. 330 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:26,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, but yeah, sorry, that's a deal breaker for me. 331 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:29,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, huge question though, Like, yeah, I feel like our 332 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 3: answer is right because I'm biased, but like kind of 333 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,880 Speaker 3: no right or wrong answer, Like it is a gray 334 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,920 Speaker 3: area there is. Yeah, take care when figuring this out. 335 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:38,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, let me know how. 336 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,520 Speaker 2: You go message please all right, guys, that is the 337 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:42,760 Speaker 2: quick just for girls. 338 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:46,640 Speaker 1: Miniep once a month, Thank you so much for listening 339 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,600 Speaker 1: and supporting. And I'll see you guys over a put 340 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:54,080 Speaker 1: of an yesterday. Bye.