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Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, welcome back to another edition of Mojo Monday.

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Speaker 1: I'm Carl Taylor, and today we're exploring something that plays

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Speaker 1: a critical role in building strong relationships, and that's how

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Speaker 1: we listen when someone is talking to us. So how

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Speaker 1: often do we find ourselves in conversations where we're already

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Speaker 1: crafting our sentence like our next sentence, waiting for our

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Speaker 1: turn to speak. And I know I do it. I

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Speaker 1: know everyone does it because it's pretty normal. But I

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Speaker 1: also know how important it is not to start responding

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Speaker 1: when maybe that person just wants to be heard and understood.

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Speaker 1: And this is because when we listen purely to respond,

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Speaker 1: whether we're aware of it or not, we are even

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Speaker 1: miss out on what's really been communicated, and that can

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Speaker 1: leave the other person feeling misunderstood and unheard. And for

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Speaker 1: coaches and therapists and in life, mastering this art of

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Speaker 1: listening is essential for fostering deeper connections and helping people

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Speaker 1: feel really understood. And so before we dive into the

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Speaker 1: three levels of listening that can really transform how we

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Speaker 1: engage in conversations, I wanted to share a quick personal

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Speaker 1: story that kind of sparked this topic for me. So

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Speaker 1: not too long ago, I was talking to a friend

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Speaker 1: about something that was important to me at the time,

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Speaker 1: something that was on my mind, and I just wanted

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Speaker 1: to vent. Soon after I started talking, my friend responded

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Speaker 1: by relating what I was saying to their own experience,

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Speaker 1: and I I know they meant well, but what it

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Speaker 1: did was it shifted the focus from what I was

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Speaker 1: going through to what they had experienced. And then suddenly

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Speaker 1: my situation didn't seem like it mattered as much, and

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Speaker 1: I was feeling just a bit frustrated and a little unheard.

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Speaker 1: And it really got me thinking about the importance of listening,

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Speaker 1: not to respond, not to reply, but to understand. And

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Speaker 1: so that's what I want to dive into today. So

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Speaker 1: let's start with the three levels of listening. So level

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Speaker 1: one is internal listening, and this is the obviously the

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Speaker 1: first of the three levels. This is where we most

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Speaker 1: of us operate by default. So when we listen at

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Speaker 1: this level, we're filtering everything that we hear through the

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Speaker 1: lens of our own experience. Our minds go to, well,

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Speaker 1: how does this relate to me? Or what should I

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Speaker 1: say next? And it's a very self focused way of listening,

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Speaker 1: and we often don't even realize that we're doing it now.

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Speaker 1: In the coaching or in the therapy context, this type

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Speaker 1: of listening can be particularly limiting and it can affect

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Speaker 1: the client relationship. And if we're always relating everything back

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Speaker 1: to our own stories or our own experiences, we're not

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Speaker 1: fully present for the other person and it can make

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Speaker 1: them feel as if their feelings or insights aren't as valuable.

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Speaker 1: And of course there are times that validating what the

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Speaker 1: other person is saying by talking about our own experience

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Speaker 1: can be really helpful to them. So there really needs

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Speaker 1: to be this sort of level of awareness of whether

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Speaker 1: to respond with our own experience and whether that's right

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Speaker 1: in the context of what's being said. And then the

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Speaker 1: level two is called focused listening. This is where the

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Speaker 1: shift can really happen. Instead of focusing on yourself, you

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Speaker 1: turn your attention fully to the person speaking, so you're

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Speaker 1: no longer focusing inward on your own response or how

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Speaker 1: what they're saying relates to you. Maybe those thoughts still

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Speaker 1: come up, because it's pretty natural that they do, but

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Speaker 1: it's about you being aware of them, but you don't

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Speaker 1: respond to them. You're completely present, you're engaged, and you're

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Speaker 1: actively working to understand what the person is sharing with you.

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Speaker 1: And in the context of coaching or therapy, or even

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Speaker 1: a conversation with a friend, this is where true connection begins.

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Speaker 1: Focus listening allows you to ask insightful questions. You can

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Speaker 1: bring curiosity into it, reflect back on what the other

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Speaker 1: person is saying, and rather than offering advice or shifting

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Speaker 1: the conversation back to you, you are actively working to

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Speaker 1: understand what they are talking about. And then the third

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Speaker 1: and deepest level of listening is called global listening. This

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Speaker 1: is where you're not just listening to the words being spoken,

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Speaker 1: but you're attuned to everything else that's going on in

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Speaker 1: the conversation. So you're noticing body language, tone, and even

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Speaker 1: their energy in the room. And at this level you're

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Speaker 1: picking up on not what's being said or what's not

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Speaker 1: only being said. You know, maybe the person is choosing

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Speaker 1: their words carefully, or perhaps their posture reveals tension or discomfort.

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Speaker 1: Global listening allows you to engage with the unspoken elements

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Speaker 1: of communication and this can create a deeper connection. And

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Speaker 1: when you're listening at this level, it helps you to

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Speaker 1: recognize things that may be holding the other person back,

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Speaker 1: things they may not even be aware of themselves. It

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Speaker 1: can help you notice when somebody is struggling that maybe

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Speaker 1: they're not actually expressing it. Many people are really good

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Speaker 1: at hiding when they're struggling. So if you can go

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Speaker 1: to this level, sometimes you can see it just in

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Speaker 1: their body language or just in the nuances of what

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Speaker 1: they're saying, and especially when their words don't quite match

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Speaker 1: what they're feeling inside. So I have experienced this global

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Speaker 1: listening as a coach myself. It's a skill that I

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Speaker 1: have really worked hard at, and I've also been a recipient,

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Speaker 1: and it can build such a deep connection connection and

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Speaker 1: that's where the biggest impact can take place. So to

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Speaker 1: become a better listener, self awareness is key. We've all

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Speaker 1: had those moments where we're tempted to just jump in

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Speaker 1: with our own stories or advice, but being aware of

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Speaker 1: this helps us recognize when we're about to shift the

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Speaker 1: conversation back to ourselves and pull us back into that

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Speaker 1: deeper listening. One of the most important things that we

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Speaker 1: need to become better listeners is self awareness. It's so

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Speaker 1: easy to slip into that internal listening where our attention

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Speaker 1: is inward, especially when we want to relate to the

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Speaker 1: person that's speaking. But self awareness is what allows us

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Speaker 1: to catch ourselves when we're about to turn the conversation

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Speaker 1: back to ourselves. So it's about noticing when your mind

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Speaker 1: starts wandering or when you're already thinking about how you respond,

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Speaker 1: and then gently bringing yourself back to the moment, back

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Speaker 1: into the conversation to listen to what they're saying. Listening

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Speaker 1: is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice.

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Speaker 1: But the more self aware that we become, the better

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Speaker 1: we get at catching those moments and staying fully present

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Speaker 1: for the person that we're talking to. And there's actually

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Speaker 1: compelling research behind this. Studies have shown that when people

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Speaker 1: feel truly heard, it activates the brain's reward centers, making

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Speaker 1: them feel valued and connected, which is no surprise when

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Speaker 1: you really think about it, and research from the University

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Speaker 1: of Utah found that effective listening improves relationship satisfaction and

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Speaker 1: builds trust, while poor listening habits can lean to misunderstandings

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Speaker 1: and disconnection, and in our fast paced world, we often

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Speaker 1: don't take the time to fully listen. We're very, very

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Speaker 1: distracted in this world with social media, with emails, and

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Speaker 1: as a result, we can lose opportunity to deepen our

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Speaker 1: relationships if we're not aware of it. So when you

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Speaker 1: practice this skill of listening to understand, you give people

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Speaker 1: the gift of your presence, and that is something that

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Speaker 1: everybody needs. So think about the last time someone really

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Speaker 1: listened to you. I bet you that it made a difference.

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Speaker 1: It made you feel like you mattered. And in a

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Speaker 1: world where so many of us are rushing from one

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Speaker 1: thing to the next, giving someone your undivided attention is

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Speaker 1: truly one of the most impactful things that you can do.

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Speaker 1: So I'll wrap up today with a challenge if you

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Speaker 1: accept it, the next time you're in a conversation, whether

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Speaker 1: it's with your partner, or your kids, or a friend

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Speaker 1: someone at work, try shifting your focus from responding to

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Speaker 1: understanding and be aware of when you're at your mind

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Speaker 1: is telling you to jump in with your own story

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Speaker 1: and instead just stay present with the person. And the

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Speaker 1: more you practice this, the more you'll see how it

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Speaker 1: can transform your relationships. And as a coach, I've seen

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Speaker 1: firsthand how much of a difference that this can make,

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Speaker 1: not only in my professional work, but also in my

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Speaker 1: personal life too. Thanks so much for joining me on

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Speaker 1: today's Mojo Monday. I hope this has given you something

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Speaker 1: valuable and also something to practice, to take into your week,

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Speaker 1: and I will catch you next week. Bye,