WEBVTT - Andy Lee and Rebecca Harding on the one question we won't ask them 0:00:09.280 --> 0:00:12.280 Hello, and welcome to Something to Talk About, the Stellar podcast. 0:00:12.400 --> 0:00:15.400 I'm Sarah Lamarquin, your host and the editor in chief 0:00:15.480 --> 0:00:18.079 of Stellar. Every week I sit down with some of 0:00:18.120 --> 0:00:20.639 the most talked about people in the country, and this 0:00:20.760 --> 0:00:24.239 week I'm joined by one of Australia's most beloved couples, 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:29.160 Andy Lee and Rebecca Harding. When Andy and Beck announced 0:00:29.160 --> 0:00:32.200 their engagement earlier this year, there was a collective cheer 0:00:32.320 --> 0:00:35.560 because after ten years of dating, there'd been a lot 0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:38.640 of speculation about if and when they were going to 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:42.360 make it official. Part of the business of being Andy Lee, 0:00:42.600 --> 0:00:45.440 a four time Gold Logi nominee and half of the 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:49.479 hugely successful double act with longtime co host Hamish Blake, 0:00:49.920 --> 0:00:52.839 means a lot of people feel very invested in his 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:57.920 personal life, but that investment, lovely as it is, can 0:00:57.960 --> 0:01:01.680 be a lot. How do he and Beck really feel 0:01:01.720 --> 0:01:05.160 about the constant questioning about when they're going to quote 0:01:05.240 --> 0:01:06.600 unquote settle down. 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:11.200 Yeah, I'm less worried about people asking questions. It's more 0:01:11.240 --> 0:01:13.120 their reaction to if you don't to answer them. 0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:16.000 As you're about to hear, Andy, you, for a very 0:01:16.040 --> 0:01:18.920 long time he wanted to marry Beck and on today's 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:21.560 episode is something to talk about. They joined me to 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:25.320 discuss how it happened, reveal whether planning what to wear 0:01:25.360 --> 0:01:28.600 to the logis or planning a wedding is more stressful, 0:01:28.800 --> 0:01:32.280 and share their differing opinions on the one question I 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:37.160 refuse to ask them. Andy Lee and Rebecca Harding. Welcome 0:01:37.240 --> 0:01:38.480 to something to talk about. 0:01:39.319 --> 0:01:40.280 Nice to be welcomed. 0:01:40.520 --> 0:01:42.160 That's good, nice to be here. 0:01:42.640 --> 0:01:45.400 It's actually normally Beck and Andy, isn't it. The fact 0:01:45.440 --> 0:01:47.920 that I got introduced first is a triumph for me. 0:01:47.880 --> 0:01:49.640 Because that's the first time in your life. 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:51.440 Well, I mean HAMI, she and Andy I've been seconds. 0:01:51.440 --> 0:01:52.280 I'm pretty used to. 0:01:53.760 --> 0:01:54.680 Thank you for giving him that. 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:56.880 I was going to ask you about that, because Beck, 0:01:57.000 --> 0:01:59.600 one of the first ever interviews that you did was 0:01:59.640 --> 0:02:04.000 actually Instella in twenty seventeen. I'm not sure if you 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:07.680 remember it, and you actually were talking a little bit 0:02:07.760 --> 0:02:10.000 about You said, I used to get really annoyed if 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:13.040 my photo was taken at an event and they described 0:02:13.080 --> 0:02:17.120 me as Andy Lee's girlfriend, Rebecca Harding, And then later 0:02:17.200 --> 0:02:20.400 you saw it written Rebecca Harding's boyfriend Andy Lee, and 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:22.280 I was like, yeah, that's right. 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:28.480 You know, just the small wins Rebecca had an annoying boyfriend, 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:29.280 annoying fiance. 0:02:29.440 --> 0:02:31.600 Now yeah, now I get fiance. I don't mind. I 0:02:31.600 --> 0:02:33.400 don't mind it now yeah. 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:40.560 Yeah, Fionce, it's a beautiful word. Congratulations on your recent engagement. 0:02:41.280 --> 0:02:44.200 It is a very big year for you. Next weekend 0:02:44.520 --> 0:02:48.680 is the Logis Andy, Congratulations for the Gold Logi nomination 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:52.239 for you. Now, I will not ask you both what's 0:02:52.280 --> 0:02:56.680 more exciting getting engaged or being nominated for a Gold Logi, 0:02:56.720 --> 0:02:58.919 But I would like to ask you what dress code 0:02:59.680 --> 0:03:00.840 is more daunting. 0:03:01.120 --> 0:03:04.160 I'm glad you didn't ask what's more exciting Carlton Football 0:03:04.160 --> 0:03:07.240 Club having a raging time and getting to the finals 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:09.640 as well. So there's a lot of excitement in my 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:10.519 life at the moment. 0:03:11.919 --> 0:03:16.720 I think probably wedding dress code. That's not really in 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:17.480 my wheelhouse. 0:03:17.520 --> 0:03:20.399 So I'm yeah, I've done it too often. 0:03:20.560 --> 0:03:22.880 You no, haven't done it before. I've done a few 0:03:22.919 --> 0:03:27.120 logis now, I mean, and he's pretty much you just wear. 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:29.480 The same suit, well, not the same suit. Someone else 0:03:29.520 --> 0:03:32.280 will sort that out for me as well. That's been 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:35.120 one of the great benefits of meetingback is definitely my 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:38.960 wardrobes improved. She was pulling out still pulling out of 0:03:39.000 --> 0:03:42.560 my wardrobe t shirts that pre exist her and we've 0:03:42.560 --> 0:03:45.720 been going out for ten years, so they slowly get 0:03:45.760 --> 0:03:46.320 thrown away. 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:49.360 Although let it be noted that he's actually wearing tracksuit 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:51.800 pants today. I did tell him to wear some jeans 0:03:52.360 --> 0:03:55.120 and he said, this is being shot from waist up. 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:58.000 He's going with the newsreader code. 0:03:57.920 --> 0:03:59.160 Yeah, that's right. 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:03.400 So it's still a work in progress that the wardrobe overhaul, 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:05.680 but looking pretty polished ten years. 0:04:05.880 --> 0:04:09.240 I remember Zoe used to refer to as pig management phase. 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:15.360 I feel like she had a larger job, a hard 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:17.560 a bit of clay to mold that she's done a 0:04:17.600 --> 0:04:20.279 good job at Becks. Yeah, doing a similar thing try. 0:04:20.440 --> 0:04:24.440 I must say. Hamish has also been on the cover 0:04:24.560 --> 0:04:27.920 of Stella this past year and it was not nearly 0:04:27.960 --> 0:04:30.960 as glamorous as the cover shoot of the two of 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:33.560 you today, so I would agree with that. I think 0:04:33.600 --> 0:04:37.520 that the you know, pig management program, job well done, 0:04:37.680 --> 0:04:40.000 Beck and Dandy, Bravo. 0:04:39.800 --> 0:04:41.560 Thank you very much appreciated. 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:44.159 I wanted to talk a little bit about the photo shoot. 0:04:44.240 --> 0:04:46.760 You have both been on the cover of Stellar before. 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:49.040 I want to talk to you a little bit about 0:04:49.040 --> 0:04:51.000 that that was two years ago, but this is your 0:04:51.080 --> 0:04:55.120 first shoot and interview since your engagement in May of 0:04:55.160 --> 0:04:59.760 this year, and the concept for it is that you're 0:04:59.800 --> 0:05:03.680 really essentially going out for an evening out and we 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:05.919 don't know where you're going. That's okay, it's the magic 0:05:06.000 --> 0:05:10.320 of you know, fashion narrative, darling. But Beck, you're not 0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:13.960 quite ready, and you are ready and sitting there like, 0:05:14.200 --> 0:05:18.120 so okay, come on, you know, let's get cracking fun. Fact, 0:05:18.600 --> 0:05:22.120 the concept for this shit was actually inspired by Kate Langbrook. 0:05:22.480 --> 0:05:24.800 She was a guest on the podcast Here with Me 0:05:24.960 --> 0:05:28.479 earlier this year, and we were talking about the discrepancy 0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:33.520 in time of preparation when you're leaving the house in 0:05:33.560 --> 0:05:36.280 a heterosexual couple, that the guys ready in a couple 0:05:36.360 --> 0:05:38.919 of minutes and the woman is not. We're talking about, 0:05:38.960 --> 0:05:42.440 of course, how that is played out in the media 0:05:42.520 --> 0:05:45.800 as well. So obviously, if you're on TV, everyone knows 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:48.240 that women are sometimes in hair and makeup for two hours. 0:05:48.320 --> 0:05:50.480 The guys come in two minutes, the women are there 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:53.960 silently fuming. I called it the glamour gap. Wanted to 0:05:54.000 --> 0:05:56.000 ask you a little bit about this. Obviously, the cover 0:05:56.040 --> 0:05:59.320 shoot today is is Heightens not real life. But was 0:05:59.360 --> 0:06:01.880 it a millly a scenario to both of. 0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:04.520 You, Well, it's just not my fault that I'm so 0:06:04.600 --> 0:06:08.360 attractive naturally, and don't reply look at the eye roll 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:12.400 the I roll immediately for Beck me waiting around. Yes, 0:06:12.480 --> 0:06:15.080 that is a natural occurrence. But we've got a new rule. 0:06:15.320 --> 0:06:18.360 We've had a rule for about six seven years that 0:06:19.160 --> 0:06:20.880 if I'm ready, I just go. 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:25.320 He just goes, and I'm like, please go, stop nagging me. 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:29.440 Even to the same restaurant. I will go. And it 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:32.320 saves that fight because I also like being on time. 0:06:32.920 --> 0:06:35.159 And then I get to the restaurant and normally there's 0:06:35.160 --> 0:06:36.839 a bar there and I can sit at the bar, 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:40.320 and then fifteen minutes later Beck walks in and it's 0:06:40.320 --> 0:06:42.799 that wow moment of like, oh my gosh, she looks amazing. 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:45.240 But I get it in the setting of a nice 0:06:45.279 --> 0:06:47.400 bar with a drink in my hand, not in the 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:50.200 setting of me tapping on the bathroom and going, can 0:06:50.240 --> 0:06:54.200 you bloody hell hurry? And I recommend it. It is. 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:57.280 It is. It is such a change in dynamic relationship. 0:06:57.560 --> 0:06:59.159 It's not so great for the environment if you have 0:06:59.160 --> 0:07:01.719 to double up on the ub. But I think it 0:07:01.760 --> 0:07:04.679 guarantees that you do come home together, so you actually 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:08.760 so it's a net result because of the fight before 0:07:09.080 --> 0:07:11.440 heading out means that the dinner's not so fun. 0:07:12.200 --> 0:07:15.119 And probably more important that you're making the return trip 0:07:15.160 --> 0:07:15.840 home together. 0:07:15.920 --> 0:07:17.760 Yeah, that's been making one way there. 0:07:19.680 --> 0:07:21.480 I wanted to ask you a little bit about the 0:07:21.520 --> 0:07:24.800 engagement if I can. If I'm prying too much, just 0:07:24.840 --> 0:07:27.720 say what you're probably saying to nosey relatives and friends 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:30.120 like no, not be a misiness, but a couple of 0:07:30.240 --> 0:07:33.680 questions for each of you. Andy, I will start with you, 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:38.920 when did you decide to pop the question? Were you 0:07:39.280 --> 0:07:41.840 sitting on that secret for a while? Because everyone knows 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:44.320 there's always a little bit of that period where if 0:07:44.360 --> 0:07:47.480 there's a buying a ring or planning or picking the moment, 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:49.360 what do I feel comfortable telling us? 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:55.680 How dare you? Next question? I'll look, I knew for 0:07:55.680 --> 0:07:59.360 a long time that I wanted to marry Beck. I 0:07:59.400 --> 0:08:04.840 think what's strange about engagements is, you know, traditionally speaking, 0:08:04.920 --> 0:08:08.320 anyone can propose to anyone as far but traditionally speaking, 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:11.960 stereotypically it's the male. So we know for a long 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:16.120 time and it's not a surprise to us. In fact, 0:08:16.120 --> 0:08:19.160 it's the least surprising day because you've spent so much 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:24.240 time planning it. And I underestimated how surprised everyone else 0:08:24.240 --> 0:08:26.680 would be, how surprised Beck would be, how surprised our 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:30.440 families would be, etc. Because, as you know, the boy, 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:32.520 I was like, oh, hang on, no, surely everyone assumed 0:08:32.559 --> 0:08:34.040 this was going to happen. We've been going out for 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:39.839 ten years, so I think, you know, six months maybe too. 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:44.520 Eight months was when really started thinking about it. I 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:48.200 think I knew for years. I did the traditional thing 0:08:48.240 --> 0:08:51.800 of asking Beck's parents, not just the father. I thought 0:08:51.800 --> 0:08:54.600 i'd ask the mum, and I asked Beck's sister as well, 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:57.320 because obviously her parents will die, and so I still 0:08:57.320 --> 0:09:00.800 want the blessing of popawee when the god. 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:03.640 I feel like the sisters almost more important. 0:09:04.200 --> 0:09:06.439 Yeah, so it was nice nice to chat to them 0:09:06.440 --> 0:09:10.200 about it. And then I I also asked my parents. 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:13.760 I just thought I always thought it's strange to go 0:09:13.920 --> 0:09:17.800 on us the blessing of the parents. I didn't ask 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:23.560 permission because I don't think your dad owns you way, 0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:26.640 so I always think that's slightly outdated as far as 0:09:26.679 --> 0:09:29.520 the tradition. But I asked for their blessing. I asked 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:31.240 the same for my mum and dad. They said a 0:09:31.280 --> 0:09:34.640 hard no, but I've got I've gone forth and done 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:35.920 it anyway. 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:38.280 Well you got Beck's sister on side, so I think. 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:40.880 Yeah, exactly, it was it was five people and it 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:43.320 was just three, two just in favor of doing it. 0:09:43.440 --> 0:09:46.760 So so that was nice. And then I mean, they're 0:09:46.800 --> 0:09:50.680 getting I chose to get the ring. I chose to 0:09:50.679 --> 0:09:52.960 pick it and and hope that Beck liked it, and 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:55.719 that would have absolutely been the most nervouracking part of 0:09:55.760 --> 0:09:58.480 the whole experience, and getting it there on time to 0:09:58.520 --> 0:09:59.400 the actual proposal. 0:10:00.440 --> 0:10:02.120 I think I was actually a little bit late. 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:04.520 Do you remember how late you were? 0:10:05.240 --> 0:10:08.600 So you met their guests, doesn't matter. We went home together. 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:11.280 Over an hour. 0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:16.240 But she looked amazing when she showed up. 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:19.079 No, I actually didn't. The dog did because I was 0:10:19.200 --> 0:10:22.840 late because I was picking up our dog from the groomers. 0:10:22.920 --> 0:10:26.240 So she'd had a beautiful blowwave. Iye, unfortunately, I'm not. 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:32.360 I love those priorities. Beck Gandy said that he was 0:10:32.400 --> 0:10:37.480 surprised that people were surprised, including you. What's your memory 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:38.240 of that moment? 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:42.200 Oh, it was just happiness. I mean, it's the it's 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:46.640 such a nice feeling to know that someone I don't 0:10:46.679 --> 0:10:49.680 know has gone and put all of this effort into 0:10:49.760 --> 0:10:52.040 something to ask you to spend the rest of their 0:10:52.080 --> 0:10:55.920 life with you. I mean, I think for us, we've 0:10:55.960 --> 0:10:59.880 been dating for ten years, so I kind of was like, 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:04.360 maybe getting married is not for us. I don't know 0:11:04.440 --> 0:11:07.040 there was enough in our life that I knew that 0:11:07.080 --> 0:11:09.160 we were going to. He was serious about me. 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:12.480 I had a mixture of it it's about time from people. 0:11:13.040 --> 0:11:15.000 Yeah, that's what most people said. 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:18.280 And then the occasional well I thought you'd never do it, 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:21.240 So it was an interesting response from people. 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:25.560 But yeah, it was really nice and it's interesting something 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:27.920 that I'd never really thought about. But it does change 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:30.840 your relationship. You know, We've got this new little spark. 0:11:30.920 --> 0:11:34.920 And I think just having so many people who are 0:11:34.920 --> 0:11:38.599 important to you around you so happy for you is 0:11:39.400 --> 0:11:40.880 like a nice little boost. 0:11:40.960 --> 0:11:43.360 And yeah, I think we underestimated that as well. You 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:47.720 underestimate how happy people are for you. And I suppose 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:52.000 there's not too many milestones in life that are surprising 0:11:52.000 --> 0:11:54.360 to your friends. The birthdays come around and everyone knows 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:56.560 that they're going to celebrate the thirtieth or fortieth, et cetera. 0:11:56.640 --> 0:12:00.400 But the child birth, you've got nine months, You've got. 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:02.600 A hell of a run up. So yeah, this is 0:12:02.600 --> 0:12:04.800 one of the few things in life which is a 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:08.720 genuine surprise for everybody, so that natural reaction is pretty special. 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:12.640 Yeah, there does seem to have been a huge outpouring 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:16.720 of public support outside of obviously, of course your friends 0:12:16.760 --> 0:12:17.480 and family, and. 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:21.079 They're mainly bots, mainly bots from Russia, and we've got 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:24.440 obviously a huge social media team taking out all the 0:12:24.480 --> 0:12:27.920 people trolling are saying this will never work and not 0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:30.040 giving their blessings. So yeah, it's very curated. 0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:32.320 I wanted to ask you a little bit about that 0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:38.120 expectation Russian bots, aside from people that you've never met 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:42.440 who are like, when when you're going to get married? 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:46.840 When's it happening? I could imagine that that would be 0:12:46.920 --> 0:12:49.960 a double edged sword, because a generous sort of interpretation 0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:54.040 is that that's well meaning people are invested in the 0:12:54.120 --> 0:12:57.640 quote unquote happy ending, you know, when so and so 0:12:57.760 --> 0:13:00.480 going to settle down, But of course there's all also 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:06.960 a pressure and a sense of other people's expectations. When 0:13:07.120 --> 0:13:09.880 you last spoke to Stella, a couple of years ago 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:13.240 to our features writer Chavon Duck, and you were talking 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:16.920 about how sometimes you would if you were being trailed 0:13:16.920 --> 0:13:19.040 when the two of you were together by paparazzi, you 0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:22.360 would even sometimes like stage a proposal. There was a 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:26.160 time at an airport carousel just to sort of troll 0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:27.640 the media. 0:13:28.920 --> 0:13:34.880 Be hated that more than that joke got banned unfortunately, 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:36.520 which is I thought was one of my favorites. Every 0:13:36.559 --> 0:13:38.880 time I saw a pap I would just drop the 0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:40.880 knee and propose, even if I was picking up dog 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:43.600 poo in the park and I saw the just turned 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:45.760 into a proposal. But yeah, no, Beck didn't find that 0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:47.560 as funny. Do you used to find it funny now 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:48.439 in retrospect that we. 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:49.840 Are going, oh like a little bit. 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:54.240 Thing that one on ice for a bit, Beck, so 0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:56.640 that when the real thing happened, you knew it wasn't 0:13:57.280 --> 0:13:57.880 my trolling. 0:13:58.040 --> 0:14:02.240 I mean, but did I I don't know. I think that. 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:04.520 I mean, Andy doesn't like being told what to do, 0:14:05.160 --> 0:14:07.720 and so in my mind I was like, can everyone 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:10.360 please stop pressuring him to propose to me because he's 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:11.280 not going to do it. 0:14:11.320 --> 0:14:15.800 And I think you're putting too much weight on what 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:20.440 I think of public opinions when it comes to my 0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:26.320 personal choices. But yeah, I didn't it certainly bothered. I'd 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:27.960 be fair to say that it bothered you more than 0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:28.560 it bothered me. 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:31.640 Yeah. Yeah, I mean you've got a few more years 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:34.240 experience dealing with it. 0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:38.080 Yeah, and that's not fun. I think that's part of 0:14:38.120 --> 0:14:40.400 it that you go, okay, if this is affecting your partner, 0:14:40.480 --> 0:14:44.000 and that they're the parts where you know would affect me, 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:46.280 not necessarily affect me, the direct message, but how it 0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:50.720 affects Beck. So yeah, I mean we've had this discussion 0:14:50.760 --> 0:14:52.960 many times back where it's like, let's not let any 0:14:53.120 --> 0:14:55.920 other people's behavior dictate what we want to do. And 0:14:56.920 --> 0:15:01.040 I think as a society, we that's what society is. 0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:03.840 We follow a certain amount of rules, and some of 0:15:03.840 --> 0:15:06.400 them are legitimate rules, like don't murder the next door neighbor, 0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:08.240 and I think that's a good one to abide by, 0:15:08.320 --> 0:15:11.160 but there's a lot of other ones that are kind 0:15:11.160 --> 0:15:15.480 of constitutional or intrinsic that aren't necessarily meant for everyone 0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:17.760 to follow. And the fact that we took our time 0:15:18.000 --> 0:15:18.360 my love. 0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:26.240 Also on the topic of dealing with other people's expectations 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:30.640 or as you've both answered, not dealing with other people's expectations. 0:15:30.680 --> 0:15:33.359 It's your life, and especially for you Andy, who've navigated 0:15:33.720 --> 0:15:37.560 Spotlight for a very long time, as Becker said, that's 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:42.000 something that you have become accustomed to, really keen to 0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:46.440 ask each of you separately your thoughts on being asked 0:15:46.880 --> 0:15:49.920 when you're going to start a family for you specifically, 0:15:49.960 --> 0:15:52.440 but also just as a culture. Now you may or 0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:55.360 may not know this are regular listeners of this podcast, 0:15:55.360 --> 0:15:57.960 certainly where we're to have a policy at Stella that 0:15:58.080 --> 0:16:01.760 was enacted five years ago by me that we actually 0:16:01.800 --> 0:16:05.440 don't ask people that we're interviewing for Stella and Astella 0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:08.840 podcast here are you planning to have a baby. If 0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:11.080 somebody has a child, when you're going to give them 0:16:11.080 --> 0:16:14.280 a brother or a sister, we just don't ask about it. 0:16:14.280 --> 0:16:18.360 It was an evolution of really, I suppose me as 0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:20.360 a journalist, us as a media and just trying to 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:23.800 take a little stance that I don't personally think it's 0:16:23.840 --> 0:16:26.800 an appropriate question. Now a lot of people disagree. A 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:28.440 lot of people think that we just kind of need 0:16:28.480 --> 0:16:31.120 to get over ourselves so you can't ask anything anymore. 0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:35.920 So I'm really curious in your respective thoughts, not necessarily 0:16:35.960 --> 0:16:40.240 on Stella's policy, because I'm shocked when I hear people 0:16:40.320 --> 0:16:44.720 say to somebody male or female, when are you're going 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:47.760 to have a child? And do you still ask that 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:51.760 question quite recently? Can I start with you what your 0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:55.680 thoughts are about us still asking people that question in 0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:56.640 twenty twenty four? 0:16:57.560 --> 0:16:59.080 Yeah, I mean, the question should you when you're going 0:16:59.120 --> 0:17:01.160 to get to aviseect me? It's the next natural step 0:17:01.160 --> 0:17:05.919 for rolling or eyes again. Oh look, I'm fine with 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:09.000 anyone asking me anything. It's just my choice whether I 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:12.439 want to answer it. I don't. I personally wouldn't like, 0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:16.120 but that's my own decision and moral decisions. I don't 0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:18.800 think in this world that we should be making forcing 0:17:18.800 --> 0:17:21.800 that upon anyone what they should and shouldn't be asking 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:24.720 or saying. I think we are a bit too full 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:28.600 on in that regard, and I think when people feel 0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:30.960 a pressure to answer those things is the problem far 0:17:31.080 --> 0:17:33.639 more than the actual question being asked. I love the 0:17:33.720 --> 0:17:36.560 fact that you guys have made that decision, and I 0:17:36.600 --> 0:17:39.600 think that just allows the question to come up that 0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:41.760 people can either follow and think about, because on the 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:44.600 most part, people don't put that deep thinking into things there. 0:17:44.720 --> 0:17:48.960 They don't. I don't think there's clandestine motives behind people 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:51.639 that ask tricky questions. Sometimes it's just what came to 0:17:51.680 --> 0:17:53.840 mind is what they're interested in, and they're not really 0:17:53.920 --> 0:17:57.320 considering how that might make someone feel, whether they could 0:17:57.320 --> 0:18:01.560 even have children in this particular respects. So, yeah, I'm 0:18:01.640 --> 0:18:05.840 less worried about people asking questions. It's more their reaction 0:18:05.960 --> 0:18:08.440 to if you don'tant to answer them, that is troublesome. 0:18:08.480 --> 0:18:10.199 And if someone said, oh, look, I don't feel comfortable 0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:13.320 saying that, leave that out of your interview, don't print 0:18:13.359 --> 0:18:16.359 all guarded by this, or you know or won't answer that. 0:18:17.960 --> 0:18:20.200 I think that's where, you know, for love a better turn. 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:23.080 This idea of a wokeness is where people are repelling 0:18:23.200 --> 0:18:25.640 or rebelling against because we don't know what to say 0:18:25.680 --> 0:18:27.560 and we're not giving anyone the benefit of the doubt 0:18:27.560 --> 0:18:30.480 when they come up with these type of questions. And 0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:33.200 if we let everyone the freedom to just say, oh, 0:18:33.240 --> 0:18:35.879 I don't feel comfortable answering that, and that's the end 0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:38.080 of it and it's not included, I think we're in 0:18:38.080 --> 0:18:39.080 a much safest spot. 0:18:39.880 --> 0:18:43.680 Yeah, I think that's so many great points that you've 0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:46.600 made there, Andy, and I Beck would love obviously to 0:18:46.640 --> 0:18:49.439 get your thoughts on this, and I also think a 0:18:49.480 --> 0:18:52.760 lot of it is well meaning. When we announce the policy, 0:18:53.160 --> 0:18:57.080 I actually put it through the context of being at 0:18:57.119 --> 0:18:59.520 a table with a couple of female friends. For myself, 0:18:59.560 --> 0:19:02.040 for instance, before I had my children. My boys are 0:19:02.080 --> 0:19:05.919 now fifteen and almost thirteen, and I had experienced a 0:19:05.920 --> 0:19:09.639 few miscarriages trying to start a family, and I was 0:19:09.680 --> 0:19:12.080 with these two female friends who were like, when are 0:19:12.080 --> 0:19:15.040 you going to have kids? You'd be married for years, 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:16.679 all of that sort of thing, and it was so 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:19.080 well meaning, and they would have been so heartbreak and 0:19:19.480 --> 0:19:21.680 that I'm there thinking, oh my gosh, if you only 0:19:21.760 --> 0:19:24.199 knew so for me, that was it because I know 0:19:24.280 --> 0:19:26.919 it comes from a good place, but I learned the 0:19:27.000 --> 0:19:31.880 hard way and then thought, well, well, intentions, whether it's 0:19:32.560 --> 0:19:35.240 an aunt or a friend asking you at Christmas lunch 0:19:35.400 --> 0:19:38.959 or at coffee, it can be hurtful. I suppose that 0:19:39.119 --> 0:19:41.160 was the genesis exactly. 0:19:41.280 --> 0:19:44.200 I mean, it's exactly that you never know what's going 0:19:44.240 --> 0:19:48.280 on behind the scenes for someone. So I think that 0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:51.560 just eliminating that question, I understand what you're saying Andy, 0:19:51.600 --> 0:19:54.440 but I think by eliminating that question is so important 0:19:54.480 --> 0:19:58.880 because you're not bringing up those feelings for someone if 0:19:58.880 --> 0:20:00.399 they potentially are going through that. 0:20:00.680 --> 0:20:04.879 So, yeah, I agree with you. Yeah. So my stance 0:20:05.000 --> 0:20:07.320 is the same as yours on that I don't think 0:20:07.480 --> 0:20:09.600 you should be asked. But I also and. 0:20:09.640 --> 0:20:12.840 It's not so easy for everyone to someone who might 0:20:12.840 --> 0:20:15.199 be going through that to just be like, oh no, 0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:18.160 I don't feel comfortable answering that question. It might actually 0:20:18.880 --> 0:20:21.840 bring on a whole lot of other emotion for them. 0:20:21.960 --> 0:20:24.439 So now I agree with you, and I think the 0:20:24.520 --> 0:20:27.680 part is, though, I think that where we come down 0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:31.080 hard on people that just haven't thought through, as in 0:20:31.119 --> 0:20:34.239 the question the person questioning. And then that's why I 0:20:34.240 --> 0:20:37.359 say that insteall of making this policy, it does allow 0:20:37.400 --> 0:20:40.280 people to ponder it and perhaps it permeates the problem 0:20:40.320 --> 0:20:43.040 that sorry, this issue that hang on, this might be 0:20:43.040 --> 0:20:44.560 triggering for someone, and that's a good thing. 0:20:45.560 --> 0:20:47.400 And coming up when you're in one of the most 0:20:47.480 --> 0:20:50.600 high profile relationships in the country, how much do you 0:20:50.680 --> 0:20:53.240 choose to share and what do you keep to yourselves? 0:20:53.640 --> 0:20:59.600 I ask Gandy and Beck when we return a question 0:20:59.680 --> 0:21:02.480 that I think I think a lot of people ask themselves, 0:21:02.480 --> 0:21:05.200 whether they have a profile or not, is how much 0:21:05.280 --> 0:21:10.280