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Speaker 1: Wow, fourteen seasons grew and how good is that? Love

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Speaker 1: this show and the man who joins us right now, Will.

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Speaker 2: Anderson, thank you very much for having me.

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Speaker 1: The question was asked, convince Australia to eat Koala? Okay,

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Speaker 1: that was the pitch and can I just say, Will,

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Speaker 1: this was one of the best I've ever seen. But

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Speaker 1: this was the pitch by the Swift Smith Brothers.

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Speaker 3: Media and this was their jingles hi.

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Speaker 1: Am proteins, potassium and eucalyptus. Kwala masala is a quick

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Speaker 1: and easy native treat that the whole family will go

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Speaker 1: gumnuts for.

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Speaker 3: I catchy, Will, I've been singing that all week long, same.

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Speaker 2: Like I normally I watch and look, I don't want

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Speaker 2: to give away too much of this, but like you know,

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Speaker 2: I've been doing this show for fourteen years, and like

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Speaker 2: so we probably had like two hundred pictures, and you know,

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Speaker 2: I see them like four or five times during the week,

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Speaker 2: and normally by the fifth time you've seen them, you

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Speaker 2: are well and truly done with ever seeing them again.

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Speaker 2: But that one I just sung over and over and

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Speaker 2: if people haven't seen it, like every bit of the

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Speaker 2: ad is a new joke. Like at the end, they

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Speaker 2: do this sort of chicken tonight stole dance around the

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Speaker 2: family table, and it is just like even just like

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Speaker 2: down to the one hundred percent kuality, like every moment

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Speaker 2: in the entire ad has just been thought through and

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Speaker 2: every time you think, it's like, oh I missed another detail.

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Speaker 2: It is so funny. I highly recommend people check it out.

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Speaker 1: You must be just blown away by some of these

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Speaker 1: media companies, the marketing companies and what they come up with,

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Speaker 1: because how much time do you give them to come

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Speaker 1: up with something?

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Speaker 2: Will well, look, we give them a little bit of

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Speaker 2: lead time because basically we're asking them to make an

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Speaker 2: ad that would normally cost say fifty thousand dollars or

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Speaker 2: one hundred thousand dollars for what we give them from

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Speaker 2: the ABC five hundred dollars.

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Speaker 3: Good luck, good luck.

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Speaker 2: With that, and so they they obviously they often call

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Speaker 2: it a lot of favors you know, directors, actors, writers,

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Speaker 2: whatever that they've ordinarily worked with. So they do it

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Speaker 2: all for us. There is one tonight that I absolutely

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Speaker 2: guarantee because the pitch topic tonight is whether it's okay

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Speaker 2: to light of your kids or not, because obviously, you

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Speaker 2: know you're light we all do you know when you

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Speaker 2: just say to them, you know like this, you know

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Speaker 2: this picture is fridge worthy or it's okay, the planet

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Speaker 2: will be fine. Like we give little lies, you know,

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Speaker 2: to get them through the day. But we wanted to

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Speaker 2: have these agencies pitch whether it's good to light of

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Speaker 2: kids or whether it's bad to light of kids. And

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Speaker 2: the ones who pitch it's bad the light of kids,

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Speaker 2: their ad is so dark. Like it's one of those

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Speaker 2: ones where I was like.

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Speaker 3: I'm not even sure.

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Speaker 2: I know we are going to get a lot of complaints,

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Speaker 2: you know, when you're doing a lot of preamble before

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Speaker 2: you even put it on, because you know you're like,

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Speaker 2: I've really got to get a big run up into

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Speaker 2: this one to make sure everyone knows I've covered off

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Speaker 2: my basis I.

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Speaker 3: Reckon I can.

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Speaker 4: The other thing to as a parent is not knowing

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Speaker 4: where to draw the line with lying and normally your

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Speaker 4: life your own convenience. So you get as a parent

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Speaker 4: what you want to be able to control your kids,

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Speaker 4: but then you find yourself telling the biggest lies when

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Speaker 4: you're caught doing the wrong thing. Why are you having

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Speaker 4: that arcy pole.

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Speaker 2: For the doctor said I should yeah, yeah, I've got

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Speaker 2: I've got I've got reverse diabetes. I don't have enough diabetes.

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Speaker 2: They say, I've got to have more, get more to

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Speaker 2: get back to normal.

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Speaker 5: That's what I've got to Are.

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Speaker 3: You kissing that other woman?

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Speaker 6: Well?

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Speaker 2: Well no, no, no, she had she was choking and

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Speaker 2: the only way that I could get out of her

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Speaker 2: mouth was in my tongue. She's fine, had lost her

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Speaker 2: car keys and I was looking for them with a

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Speaker 2: camera on my tongue.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 4: That doesn't feel like a stretch. That doesn't feel like

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Speaker 4: a stretch.

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Speaker 3: Don't tell mom.

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Speaker 1: Well, now, if you've ever been in on a horse before,

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Speaker 1: the likelihood of you actually doing quite well when making

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Speaker 1: some money.

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Speaker 3: Is very slim. Yeah. Gambling industries aren't aren't put together

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Speaker 3: by winners. They got a maide of mine and he's

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Speaker 3: on the line now. His name's Hilbo Hillboy.

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Speaker 1: You there, buddy, Yeah mate, I'm just going to set

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Speaker 1: this up for everybody out there. Hilbo has got a

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Speaker 1: horse with around about five mates, and they were supposed

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Speaker 1: to be running in the big race at swan Hill

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Speaker 1: on Friday. But you convinced your wives, Hilbo, that the

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Speaker 1: horse was running in the race, didn't you, And it wasn't.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, correct, it wasn't in the race. Hill was an emergency,

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Speaker 5: but we didn't tell the wives that it was an emergency.

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Speaker 5: We told him that it was actually running.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So you teld the wives that and you said

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Speaker 1: that you had to be there at the track to

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Speaker 1: support the horse and the trainer, and you guys went

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Speaker 1: all out, and you thought, why don't we get ourselves

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Speaker 1: a private jet for the day and go all out?

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Speaker 5: Yeah? Correct. We convinced them that one of the boys

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Speaker 5: had to be home by seven o'clock to look after

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Speaker 5: the kids, that his wife was going to dinner. So

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Speaker 5: he said the only way to get some swan Hill

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Speaker 5: back to Melbourne in time was to get a private play.

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Speaker 3: Wow, it's a private plane now.

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Speaker 4: Now, thank god for convenience, because those kids need to

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Speaker 4: be fed.

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Speaker 3: For everyone setting it up.

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Speaker 1: So the horse wasn't racing in the big race, and

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Speaker 1: then all of a sudden you get a phone call

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Speaker 1: as you're boarding the plane.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. Correct, we got a phone call from Racing Victoria

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Speaker 5: or the trainer did, to say one of the horses

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Speaker 5: that was meant to be running was from Adelaide. And

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Speaker 5: because of the half hour time different. He forgot to

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Speaker 5: account for that and he didn't switch his horse in time.

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Speaker 3: Right, the horse is running late.

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Speaker 4: What's the name of your horse, Helbert?

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Speaker 5: Well, the funny thing is we all thought our horse

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Speaker 5: was called Retrospective, but it was and it's called Retrospection.

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Speaker 3: Didn't even know the name of the horse.

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Speaker 1: Okay, okay, So they've convinced their wives the horse wasn't racing.

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Speaker 3: Now it is racing.

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Speaker 1: There's been a scratching and their horses in the big race.

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Speaker 1: Can you tell everyone what odds your horse was? The

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Speaker 1: highest odds was for the horse to win that race?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, we got it. You're in the week at one

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Speaker 5: hundred and eighty dollars.

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Speaker 1: To one, so absolutely no chance, the rank outsider. You

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Speaker 1: get to the race and you've actually had quite a

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Speaker 1: few drinks thinking that you're absolutely no chance.

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Speaker 5: Hilbo, We were no chance, absolutely no sense.

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Speaker 3: What were the odds? Just before the light came.

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Speaker 5: On Hillbow, one hundred and one dollars was on the

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Speaker 5: bookies in the rings like Lloyd Williams had a horse

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Speaker 5: in the race that got us one.

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Speaker 3: Five Melbourne cap.

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Speaker 4: So the old retro donkeys looking like a great outsider.

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Speaker 1: So coming around the turn, Hilbow, your horse was last,

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Speaker 1: wasn't it?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: Said last? And the jockey, this guy called Neil Farley,

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Speaker 5: absolute legends. We had a chat to him before the

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Speaker 5: race and said wherever you are, just get out wide

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Speaker 5: and did you come around that corner? And he did

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Speaker 5: and what happened made it storm timely storm bar thing.

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Speaker 5: It won by three lenks.

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Speaker 1: Now, okay, so you've got to I'm about to play

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Speaker 1: a piece of the boys are a bit rowdy at

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Speaker 1: the track now, Heilbo. Who was your mate that got

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Speaker 1: interviewed that was in on the horse.

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Speaker 5: The big pone? Jared?

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Speaker 3: Jared?

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Speaker 1: Okay, so Jared, So this is what happened that the

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Speaker 1: trainer the old track, I didn't know. This is how

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Speaker 1: the boys bought the horse. And you've got to listen.

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Speaker 1: Jared gets involved at.

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Speaker 7: This funny story of this horse. Those guys that are

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Speaker 7: in it out the back there, they got drunk at

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Speaker 7: the Tugar races back in March. They wandered over to

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Speaker 7: my stayles thinking it was the bus stop, you see.

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Speaker 7: So anyway they walked out of their owning a horse

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Speaker 7: and that's a horse.

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Speaker 3: How did you get them into a.

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Speaker 7: Horse, and I just said it was they're sharing a horse,

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Speaker 7: and we said all the thing was one if they

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Speaker 7: want to go.

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Speaker 3: In all these guys, who is that? What's your name?

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Speaker 3: I'm Jared.

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Speaker 5: We've had a lot of horses, but this one was

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Speaker 5: the best trainer that you've ever had.

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Speaker 3: One week I found him out of the kit and

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Speaker 3: post I walked into his track.

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Speaker 5: One day we put six hundred dollars down and here

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Speaker 5: we are.

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Speaker 4: How do you walk in just to the stable and

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Speaker 4: then you find a horse and you get a result

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Speaker 4: like this?

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Speaker 8: And also have we had a big win on.

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Speaker 1: The pun and eighties where you mum and.

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Speaker 3: Dad talk to us? What's the hard ride like?

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Speaker 9: When you know he's getting pretty close?

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Speaker 3: Doing it close? Jared went on big Gared went on,

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Speaker 3: ar so Hillbot, What do I want to know?

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Speaker 1: Your horse got up? How much was the prize money

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Speaker 1: for the race Hillbow?

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Speaker 5: Oh? The prize Bundy was only twenty seven thousand bucks.

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Speaker 3: But how much? So what did Jared win on the race?

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Speaker 5: Thirty eight thousand?

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Speaker 4: Wow, No wonder he's tipped a few in the Castle.

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Speaker 1: The movie twenty five years ago, it came into our

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Speaker 1: lives and I remember watching that movie and I was

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Speaker 1: nineteen years of age and I wanted to buy a

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Speaker 1: house right next to the airport. I find it calming

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Speaker 1: watching the planes coming into land.

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Speaker 4: When you do hear an aeroplane, you think of adventure, though,

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Speaker 4: don't you You think? Where am I going next?

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Speaker 3: On a holiday?

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Speaker 9: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: What am I going to do?

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Speaker 3: Where are we off to?

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Speaker 1: And the Carrigan's I just loved it how you could

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Speaker 1: jump the fence and kick the footy out in the

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Speaker 1: airport there.

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Speaker 3: I suppose you'd get into trouble. I shot. We were

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Speaker 3: asking you what did you live next to? Jordan? What

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Speaker 3: is the weird thing you live next to?

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Speaker 10: Okay, so I actually was living next to a semmetry

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Speaker 10: and it was for about nine years, right, And some

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Speaker 10: really creepy stuff is to happen.

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Speaker 8: So like an example, one time our neighbors thought us

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Speaker 8: it was haunted, but we were like, oh, you know,

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Speaker 8: big deal. Middle of the night one time, this car

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Speaker 8: comes to a screeching colt out the front and another

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Speaker 8: car hiit him because it was til getting him. So

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Speaker 8: we walked outside and we're like trying to, you know,

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Speaker 8: see what happened, because I saw someone crossing the road,

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Speaker 8: and we're like, okay, well, we had a lot of

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Speaker 8: security cameras and no one was crossing the road. But

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Speaker 8: according to him, someone was crossing from the cemetery walking

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Speaker 8: to the other side of the road.

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Speaker 3: So we hit the yes and let's go to hell

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Speaker 3: and there on Orange. What was across the street from you, Helen?

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Speaker 6: I lived across the road from a brothel?

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Speaker 3: Oh, Helen. So did you see any locals that you

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Speaker 3: knew popping in there, Helen?

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Speaker 6: Or I actually did at one time? Yes? And I

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Speaker 6: left him posted on his cast.

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Speaker 4: I know what you and you knew the person, Helen.

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Speaker 6: Yes, I've worked with the person.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god.

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Speaker 4: And did you initial the note?

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Speaker 3: No, because Helen.

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Speaker 1: There's always this is what I then tell But there's

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Speaker 1: the back door that you don't go around the front.

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Speaker 3: It's always at the back, Helen. Helen's gone mine. Do

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Speaker 3: not make it off at all. I do not make

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Speaker 3: an offer to Helen like that, Helen. And how did

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Speaker 3: the locals feel about it? You're still there, Helen? Oh?

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Speaker 6: Yes, I am yeah.

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Speaker 3: Got How did the locals feel about it? Were they

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Speaker 3: angry about it?

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Speaker 6: Or the No? No, there's plenty of broths rand here.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you didn't get to know any of the girls, Helen.

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Speaker 3: No, Wow, did they have a red light on?

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Speaker 6: It?

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Speaker 3: Was that just a myth they're having a red line.

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Speaker 6: I know they do have a red light.

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Speaker 8: Yes, yes, I do have a red light.

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Speaker 6: And this one night there was my husband's dog was

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Speaker 6: carrying on a tree and couldn't figure out what was

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Speaker 6: going on. So I looked out the front window and

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Speaker 6: there's his car parked in the middle of.

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Speaker 8: A front lawn.

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Speaker 6: So I waited and waited, and I thought, you know what,

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Speaker 6: I'm going to get this guy. So I turned around

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Speaker 6: and I chained up my husband's rock wheeler to the

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Speaker 6: back wheel of the car. Well, I waited, and when

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Speaker 6: he came out, I was hiding in the dark of

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Speaker 6: the house and I slowly walked out from the front

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Speaker 6: of the house because I was home alone, I was pregnant,

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Speaker 6: my husband was at work. So I turned around and

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Speaker 6: I walked out of the shadows, and I said to

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Speaker 6: this guy, I wouldn't walk around near your car if

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Speaker 6: I were you my dog. He's chained up to your car.

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Speaker 3: What do you do that for?

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Speaker 6: Well, you've parked in the middle of my lawns of

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Speaker 6: a nighttime a woman's at home pregnant and she's got

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Speaker 6: to look after herself and she don't park on people's lawn.

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Speaker 3: Did he get there? Did he get it? Or was he?

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Speaker 3: Was he a bit pissed off with Ellen?

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Speaker 6: I was a bit peeved off. I went none chained

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Speaker 6: air grow and I just held him. And that's the

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Speaker 6: dog's name, the wheeler.

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Speaker 1: I want you to determine what this sound is. I

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Speaker 1: want you to work this out.

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Speaker 3: Whoa that is?

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Speaker 1: That is a group of friends at a bar who

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Speaker 1: have just got the bill back and didn't realize that

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Speaker 1: they've blown it out two.

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Speaker 3: And a half thousand dollars.

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Speaker 1: That is the argument that is happening now on who

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Speaker 1: pays for?

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Speaker 6: What?

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Speaker 4: Is that one saying I didn't have dessert? You ate

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Speaker 4: more chips than me.

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Speaker 3: See, this is the thing. I'm not a fan of

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Speaker 3: putting your credit card over at a bar. I hate it.

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Speaker 3: I'm not a fan of tabs at all.

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Speaker 1: And I feel like that this is a sneaky way

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Speaker 1: to have no idea how much you actually racking up

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Speaker 1: on the night, and then you.

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Speaker 3: Know it's as simple as oh, I know, we'll just

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Speaker 3: put it on my tab.

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Speaker 1: You put it on that and by the end of

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Speaker 1: the night, if you're there for four or five hours

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Speaker 1: through the roof, you have no idea.

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Speaker 4: But you know what, when you're sitting down with a

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Speaker 4: group of people, and I've seen it before over and

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Speaker 4: over again, it happens a bit more when you're younger.

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Speaker 4: When someone says, oh, I'm not really drinking, and you're

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Speaker 4: trying to split the bill at the end of dinner,

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Speaker 4: or someone says, well, I didn't have a mane because

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Speaker 4: I wasn't that hungry and I had a big lunch,

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Speaker 4: and you're then trying to adjust for that person's requirement.

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Speaker 4: I mean, if you sit down at the table, then

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Speaker 4: you're in no I know, got your ticket in this

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Speaker 4: split the bill?

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Speaker 2: Do you know what?

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Speaker 9: When I was pregnant, I remember we went to a steakhouse,

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Speaker 9: so I wasn't drinking. Red meat was making me nauseous.

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Speaker 9: So I ended up paying almost two hundred dollars for

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Speaker 9: my seat, and I had about three Brussels sprouts because

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Speaker 9: it was all about the meat, not the sides.

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Speaker 1: Good Brussels sprouts, though, Are you saying so that maybe

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Speaker 1: you need to make people aware before you start the dinner. Hey, guys,

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Speaker 1: I'm not drinking tonight. I'm not having a steak. I

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Speaker 1: might just put it in a little bit.

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Speaker 3: Is that okay? With everyone? You have before him? Pull

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Speaker 3: it up front? But yeah, it would help if you did.

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Speaker 3: I mean, you shouldn't have been there to start with,

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Speaker 3: says your poor thing.

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Speaker 9: It's a birthday thing.

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Speaker 3: You rock up.

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Speaker 1: J I hear bill blow ups third only twenty fourteen.

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Speaker 1: If you've got one, if it's got out of control before?

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Speaker 1: How nig was the bill and how did you split it?

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Speaker 1: Get involved?

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Speaker 4: We're at a dinner the other night. The waiter comes over.

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Speaker 4: He gives us the bill, and I looked at it

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Speaker 4: and I don't even know what it was. And then

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Speaker 4: he said, and then when he when I tapped my

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Speaker 4: card and he gave me the receipt, it wasn't the

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Speaker 4: same amount as the bill, right, And for example.

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Speaker 3: He put his tip on already. No, well, what he

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Speaker 3: did was service. Let's let's call it.

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Speaker 4: One hundred and ninety four dollars, right, for the sake

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Speaker 4: of the story, it wasn't. And then he gave me

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Speaker 4: the bill and it was two hundred dollars. Yes, Once

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Speaker 4: I paid, and I said, hang on a minute, it's

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Speaker 4: sick dollars more.

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Speaker 3: Yes, than what you told me you were charging. That's

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Speaker 3: six hundred more.

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Speaker 4: And he said, oh, I just rounded it up. Oh,

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Speaker 4: now that you can't just round it up. You've given

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Speaker 4: me an option to tip, and I've tipped, and then

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Speaker 4: you've just decided to.

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Speaker 3: Round it up. Yeah, that's cheaping the prosition just to

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Speaker 3: round them up.

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Speaker 9: Rounding up on carter as well. It makes no difference

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Speaker 9: to me what the number is in the sense of

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Speaker 9: the process. It's not like I had this amount of

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Speaker 9: cash in my hands surrounding up safe.

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Speaker 4: You just decided I should give you another six dollars

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Speaker 4: so you can take your tip off.

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Speaker 3: Georgiett from Guildford.

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Speaker 11: What have it?

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Speaker 3: At the restaurant, Georgiett, I was with a group of.

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Speaker 11: Friends and my male friend, very well off guy. I asked,

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Speaker 11: what would you like to speak and I said, oh,

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Speaker 11: just a glass of Stevlan house wine is fine. He

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Speaker 11: came back with a glass of beer and I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 11: you got me be He said yes, it was a

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Speaker 11: dollar cheaper, and I just.

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Speaker 3: Thought, oh, okay, well I didn't ask for that.

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Speaker 11: I don't drink beer, so I wouldn't got my own white.

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Speaker 3: Weird behavior, isn't it Georgia. That was a one only date.

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Speaker 6: I take it absolutely.

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Speaker 4: What a stinker, what a tight vis with the show

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Speaker 4: is a Nova podcast. For more great comedy shows like this,

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Speaker 4: head to

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Speaker 3: Nova Podcasts dot com, dot are you