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Speaker 1: Apoch production a fairly nice of it.

2
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Speaker 2: But going into the Cross all the time was then

3
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Speaker 2: it was like King's Cross shithole, people doing bad shit,

4
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Speaker 2: only go there and expect it, as opposed to now

5
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Speaker 2: you don't know where to go, which is really silly.

6
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Speaker 2: If you ask me, people are going to do and

7
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Speaker 2: want to do stupid crazy shit, no matter what.

8
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Speaker 1: Did you say.

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Speaker 3: But seeing all that at a young age, you didn't

10
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Speaker 3: get tempted to like, you know, you know, you know

11
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Speaker 3: you're seeing your dad doing the doors, and you.

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Speaker 2: Know, assume my dad fucked up his life. You know,

13
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Speaker 2: he was the man. You know, he was fucking big, cool,

14
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Speaker 2: tat's cool bike, hot girlfriends, fucking who knows, and everyone

15
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Speaker 2: thought he was a man punch a fuck out of people.

16
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Speaker 2: But by the time he died of fifty six, lived

17
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Speaker 2: in a housing commission in Little Bay, which is right

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Speaker 2: next to Long Bay Jail. You know, no friends, no money,

19
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Speaker 2: you know, and he had one ship old bike, you

20
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Speaker 2: know what's the word estrange from his kids, and you know,

21
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Speaker 2: I was like, fuck, I don't want that, you know.

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Speaker 2: And you know, although you'd see you know, the big weeds,

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Speaker 2: they disappear and they go what happened to oh, you

24
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Speaker 2: know Pete, Like when you first say he's either doing

25
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Speaker 2: twenty or fifteen years in jail or something, you know,

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Speaker 2: life altering jail sentence, which is you know, you ask anyone,

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Speaker 2: even the biggest, baddest guys, they were like, well it

28
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Speaker 2: wasn't all fun, you know, or they had to disappear

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Speaker 2: and just you know, try to start a new life

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Speaker 2: somewhere else.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you remember that.

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Speaker 2: It's like one of the guys we used to hang

33
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Speaker 2: around as a great kid boy, a guy called Mark May,

34
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Speaker 2: had to disappear, and he was young, you know, really

35
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Speaker 2: good kickboxer and boxer could have golln the Olympics. Uh.

36
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Speaker 2: And then the ones who died of drugs or alcohol

37
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Speaker 2: or killed themselves you know, you know, you know, either

38
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Speaker 2: killed themselves you know, intentionally or unintentionally through drugs and accoal, Like, fuck, man, I.

39
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Speaker 1: Don't want to be like that.

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Speaker 2: But you know, in saying that, it's not like I

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Speaker 2: had any reason to think I was going to be

42
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Speaker 2: any better than that. And my dad was that person.

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Speaker 2: My older brother died a heroin overdose. The other one

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Speaker 2: was you know, although I didn't know him, so well,

45
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Speaker 2: from what I understand, you know, he ended up hanging

46
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Speaker 2: He ended up hanging himself. But it was because you know,

47
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Speaker 2: drugs and alcohol.

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Speaker 1: You know. It's just like, I don't know, I need

49
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Speaker 1: to try something else.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I guess the other thing is that the

51
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Speaker 2: stigma growing up around it as well is I can't say,

52
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Speaker 2: you know what, I'm going to follow my passion to

53
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Speaker 2: be a dancer, and everybody goes, you know what, good

54
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Speaker 2: for you. But you're going to be a dancer, Na,

55
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Speaker 2: that's just not happening. Or you're not going to say,

56
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Speaker 2: you know what, I'm going to get my act together

57
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Speaker 2: and study. Even that was well you think you're a

58
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Speaker 2: bit mad, Well, you think you're going to go to university?

59
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Speaker 2: Like that wasn't even a comment. I mean that, I mean,

60
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Speaker 2: it wasn't even a It wasn't a comment anyone would.

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Speaker 1: Say to you.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I went to fourteen different schools. I used

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Speaker 2: to write a diary because they didn't have anyone to

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Speaker 2: speak to. Because when I live in refuges, and my

65
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Speaker 2: diary from when I was sixteen years old, the writing

66
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Speaker 2: and the spelling and the grammar, yeah I still have

67
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Speaker 2: it is about the same as my eight.

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Speaker 1: Year old daughters.

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Speaker 2: Now, after school, you know, I worked my ass off

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Speaker 2: throughout to read and write and you know, you make

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Speaker 2: myself know not a complete idiot and study and I'm

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Speaker 2: grateful that I get to live in Australia and getting

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Speaker 2: the opportunities that I have to improve myself. But growing up,

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Speaker 2: it wasn't like you're gonna say, you know, I really

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Speaker 2: feel it's important to improve myself, to become a better whatever.

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Speaker 1: Even a trade.

77
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Speaker 2: Was kind of almost well, you're going to get a

78
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Speaker 2: job just fucking digging holes and shit. So in the

79
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Speaker 2: refuges that I grew up, and you know, they were

80
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Speaker 2: like preparing you. You know, so this is what you

81
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Speaker 2: do when you get to jail, if you get arrested,

82
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Speaker 2: and if you have a you know, if you're going

83
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Speaker 2: to use drugs, make sure you use this. The only

84
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Speaker 2: class that I ever did well in the school was

85
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Speaker 2: health because every time I moved to a new refuge,

86
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Speaker 2: they give you all the information about s CDs, drugs,

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Speaker 2: sexual relationships, the whole thing.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'll sit down, miss, I'll take the class. It

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Speaker 1: was ridiculous. So being a fighter.

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Speaker 2: Was something everyone would go oh or you know, like

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Speaker 2: because I used.

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Speaker 1: To move around a lot.

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Speaker 2: I try to make friends as fast as possible, and

94
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Speaker 2: then they're like, oh, we're all going out.

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Speaker 1: Two parts of the most to begin with is we're

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Speaker 1: all going to do this.

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Speaker 2: And if I said I was almost going to do

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Speaker 2: anything else other than go to the gym to learn

99
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Speaker 2: how to beat the fuck out of people, it would

100
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Speaker 2: have been seen as you were you were the other.

101
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Speaker 2: But when you go to the gym and learn how

102
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Speaker 2: to fight, they go nont know he's going to be

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Speaker 2: a fighter.

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Speaker 1: Man, He's going so, oh, that's cool.

105
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Speaker 2: Even football, any type of football, would being saying as not.

106
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Speaker 1: Really okay, But.

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Speaker 3: You know when you were sitting in the van, yeah,

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Speaker 3: and you were looking at your dad doing what he

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Speaker 3: does and all like that, or he's seen him have

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Speaker 3: abroad with somebody. What what what was going for your head?

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Speaker 3: What would go for your head as a kid, Like

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Speaker 3: I know, I know with my son, like he's read

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Speaker 3: my book behind my back, so he's seen what's going on.

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Speaker 3: He's googled me and he's seen what I've done, and

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Speaker 3: he now goes around thinking it's it's like I know's

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Speaker 3: he's only seven, but he goes around telling everyone in

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Speaker 3: school that who I am?

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Speaker 1: Am?

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Speaker 3: I I am? Now my dad's bodygud, you know what

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Speaker 3: I mean? And I'm doing this and I'll kick your

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Speaker 3: ass and you know who I am. So he's talking

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Speaker 3: like that now, you know, a seven year old, But

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Speaker 3: what was going through your mind and your head when

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Speaker 3: you're seeing your dad sitting there and everyone's looked like

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Speaker 3: to everyone else in the cross, your dad's the man.

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Speaker 1: You know what.

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Speaker 2: That's probably the only time I really feel prayer, because

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Speaker 2: I went, oh fuck is something like always felt that

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Speaker 2: I wanted something I wanted.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to be a thing.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to say, Hey, my parents this, or my

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Speaker 2: dad's that, my mom's this, And I always thought I

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Speaker 2: didn't have anything. I remember going I wish I could

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Speaker 2: prove to people this is who my dad was. But

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Speaker 2: I only go and live with my dad for a

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Speaker 2: short while.

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Speaker 1: Then he either dropped me.

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Speaker 2: Back and my mom's would get dropped off of child services.

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Speaker 1: And it was sporadic at most.

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Speaker 2: So you know, I went to like, you know, Round Republic,

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Speaker 2: and then I went back to Dargill Public, and then

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Speaker 2: I went to some other little school called Summarise and

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Speaker 2: then and then I went from Saint Cecilia's which was

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Speaker 2: a little Christian school or Catholic school. And then you know,

145
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Speaker 2: but then when I was ten, i'd actually moved back

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Speaker 2: from nine or something that it was. I moved back

147
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Speaker 2: from living in India, which is another whole, other crazy

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Speaker 2: story when I was a little kid. So in like

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Speaker 2: the matter of two years from well maybe even less,

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Speaker 2: maybe from from you know, eight and a half to

151
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Speaker 2: ten and a half on like five six different primary

152
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Speaker 2: schools and back and forth from different places, people's houses,

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Speaker 2: and you know, it was.

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Speaker 3: Did you ever walk around the cross and everyone knew

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Speaker 3: who you were because of your dad?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Then they was because I would have been cool as

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Speaker 3: a kid. I go around across and everyone like That's

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Speaker 3: what it's like for my kids now. They all know,

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Speaker 3: like they when they walk around and they see someone,

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Speaker 3: like we go to an area and they all know, oh,

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Speaker 3: that's Neil like this, and so my kids get that.

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Speaker 2: With me, yeah, uh like thin gets that. But I

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Speaker 2: had it more with my older brother Matthew, who's dead now.

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Speaker 2: And he used to he was big and he was

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Speaker 2: violent and he didn't funking around, you know, but they

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Speaker 2: didn't know me.

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Speaker 1: They knew me as hey, your hoast's brother.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know your older brother and uh,

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Speaker 2: because we all kind of looked the same every now

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Speaker 2: and then because it was only there for like with

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Speaker 2: my old man, who was like that was when I

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Speaker 2: was about I guess.

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Speaker 1: No, they brought oh fucking I think a fight, but

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Speaker 1: they didn't, but they didn't want to be. It was

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Speaker 1: kind of funny.

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Speaker 2: My brother Matthew, which is my full brother, he said

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Speaker 2: to me once he goes, you know what, You're the

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Speaker 2: only guy I would never fight. Yes, I just I

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Speaker 2: wouldn't want to do it. I remember thinking, you're fucking crazy.

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Speaker 2: I was terrified of him. I wouldn't fight with you.

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Speaker 2: This is a guy who just is he ever like,

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Speaker 2: never never touch it. No, but I'm throwing bricks at

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Speaker 2: him and horrible things because he pissed me off.

185
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Speaker 1: But yeah, but he he mean, you know, he was

186
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Speaker 1: a violent criminal and locked him up for it.

187
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Speaker 2: But he used to come back to me, you were saying,

188
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Speaker 2: you know before I said, I used to say one

189
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Speaker 2: of the only excuses I'd have to go to the gym,

190
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Speaker 2: you know, because everyone running around was I'm going to gym,

191
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Speaker 2: so it'd be okay.

192
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Speaker 1: But when I was eighteen.

193
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Speaker 2: I finally moved into a refuge that I could live longer,

194
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:04,001
Speaker 2: and he actually moved in with me. It was fucking awesome, like,

195
00:09:04,041 --> 00:09:06,561
Speaker 2: finally get to leave in my brother and I really feel,

196
00:09:06,641 --> 00:09:07,721
Speaker 2: you know, we're really close.

197
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Speaker 3: Uh.

198
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Speaker 1: But unbeknownst to me, he was still a Heroin addict.

199
00:09:12,121 --> 00:09:13,841
Speaker 2: And what he used to do was he goes, oh,

200
00:09:13,881 --> 00:09:17,161
Speaker 2: you go to the gym, you train, and I come

201
00:09:17,241 --> 00:09:19,841
Speaker 2: back and him and now the guys used to hang

202
00:09:19,881 --> 00:09:20,401
Speaker 2: around a bit.

203
00:09:21,001 --> 00:09:22,681
Speaker 1: They'll be going and I'm like, this is fuck.

204
00:09:22,761 --> 00:09:25,961
Speaker 2: You know, you guys leave me by myself, and you know, and.

205
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Speaker 1: I'll be tied.

206
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Speaker 2: I get a bed or whatever, and I'll get the

207
00:09:27,761 --> 00:09:29,281
Speaker 2: next day or whenever I see him next.

208
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Speaker 1: How come he fucked off? He goes, oh, well, you know,

209
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Speaker 1: he'll take it too long.

210
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Speaker 2: What I found out later is he said to me,

211
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Speaker 2: he goes, look, man, I was still using Heroin. I

212
00:09:38,041 --> 00:09:39,801
Speaker 2: didn't want you to. I don't want you to fuck

213
00:09:39,881 --> 00:09:42,241
Speaker 2: your life up by fucked mine up. You know, by

214
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:43,841
Speaker 2: that time, I had already done in years of jail,

215
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Speaker 2: and you know been you know, I date from Heroin

216
00:09:46,881 --> 00:09:49,241
Speaker 2: a few times, and you know he's you know, he

217
00:09:49,561 --> 00:09:51,921
Speaker 2: kind of didn't have a real good look at he was.

218
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Speaker 1: You know, he was a really cool guy. I hope

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Speaker 1: the people thought he was.

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Speaker 2: It was a good looking and popular and all that stuff.

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Speaker 2: And uh, you know, I really looked up to him.

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Speaker 2: He was only a year older than me, but he

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Speaker 2: seemed like ten years older than me.

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Speaker 1: You know. He he had been to you know, all.

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Speaker 2: The boys homes and Sitney like Yasma and places like that,

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Speaker 2: and and he really was a tough gut It's kind

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Speaker 2: of funny, like you know, you know, one time I

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Speaker 2: was at the train station when we were younger, you know, Ja.

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Speaker 2: I think it was that I was still living at

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Speaker 2: my mom's house. I must have been twelve of the

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Speaker 2: most because I've moved out permanently by the time I

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Speaker 2: was twelve. And I came back from the train station

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Speaker 2: and I got jumped to the train station.

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Speaker 1: But these guys who lived up the street because we

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Speaker 1: were just always seen.

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Speaker 2: Fighting, and I kind of tried to walk past him,

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Speaker 2: and he goes.

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Speaker 1: Hey, Pete, turn around. I'm all right. Anyway, he looked

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Speaker 1: at me against what the fuck happened to your face?

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Speaker 2: I go, uh, you know, the boys at the end

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Speaker 2: of the street telled me at the train station.

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Speaker 1: It's going, what the fuck? I said, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I had to come, and I was giving him ship,

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Speaker 2: you know, I was, you know if I was by

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Speaker 2: myself about fuck you the front off anyway, you can

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Speaker 2: fuck that win in the kitchen, pulled out the bread knife,

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Speaker 2: walk down the street.

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Speaker 1: He goes, come with me. I'm like, oh, fuck, here

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Speaker 1: we go.

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Speaker 2: There's like six or seven of them, maybe eight or nine.

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Speaker 2: And there was always a bunch of them hanging out

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Speaker 2: of the trains. That fucking pull out and I look

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Speaker 2: at you now they came out. Okay, what do you want,

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Speaker 2: your little fucking little grubs And he goes, fucking cut

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Speaker 2: your head off, your touch my brother.

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Speaker 1: We we're gonna do. But he was fucking serious.

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Speaker 2: It's like, just wasn't I've never seen him scared of

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Speaker 2: any other human being ever.

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Speaker 1: When they locked him up, I said, well, what happened?

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Speaker 2: He goes because he got put into lawn Bay to

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Speaker 2: begin with, and because he was a violent offender, and

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Speaker 2: he was a violent offender, but we would got charged

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Speaker 2: for was we call bang fraud.

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Speaker 1: Uh.

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Speaker 2: But you know, he was just fucking like all this

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Speaker 2: stuff when he's a juvenile and this other was violence.

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Speaker 1: But he was scared because he don't have any time.

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Speaker 1: He goes on worried. You know, what are you worried about?

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Speaker 2: Because you know, I was worried that I was going

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Speaker 2: to get heard of rape or whatever, and I go, yeah, fuck.

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Speaker 2: And he got there and one of the guys told

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Speaker 2: him in the cells before they could say, you're right,

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Speaker 2: it's just anyone hrks up and he said, don't say anything,

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Speaker 2: just hit him. Sure enough, someone walks out and try

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Speaker 2: to put it on him. Just bomb, turned around, walked off.

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Speaker 2: Just nothing to say because I'm wrong with anyone. But

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Speaker 2: you know, you know it didn't take it. You know,

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Speaker 2: it was fine.

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Speaker 1: But when he got out, he said, fuck, never again.