1 00:00:01,440 --> 00:00:03,840 Speaker 1: Good day, team, It's Harps, it's Bobby as Cu project. 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:06,960 Speaker 1: Hope you bloody fantastic. It's Friday in the thriving metropolis, 3 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:11,280 Speaker 1: has just gone midday. It's Thursday night over there, Young 4 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:14,480 Speaker 1: Robert on the West coast. You're on the West coast 5 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:15,640 Speaker 1: still San Diego, aren't you? 6 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,280 Speaker 2: How is it Sunday day? I am, well, San Diego 7 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 2: is surprise, it's been sunny today. Weird. 8 00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:28,160 Speaker 1: What's the general temp in San Diego? Obviously winter over there, 9 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,520 Speaker 1: but California doesn't really participate in winter too much. 10 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:36,479 Speaker 2: It's kind of we participate. Like winter in San Diego 11 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:40,360 Speaker 2: is anywhere from ten to twenty degrees. I mean some 12 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:46,640 Speaker 2: days like yah yah, yeah, you'll get like twenty one degrees, 13 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:51,160 Speaker 2: but that's about it, which is fantastic. It's perfect right. Well, 14 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 2: at night it'll drop down to about fourteen degrees. It 15 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 2: drops down to ten. That's not unusual. But here's the thing. 16 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,720 Speaker 2: When it drops down to ten, even though it does 17 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:05,399 Speaker 2: that every other year, everyone has to say, oh wow, 18 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:09,399 Speaker 2: it's unseasonably cold, walk around the flipflops and their shorts. 19 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,600 Speaker 2: So as long as you pretend that this doesn't really 20 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:15,279 Speaker 2: happen and it's always sunny and it never gets cold. 21 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:18,080 Speaker 2: You're fine. So we're living under this collective illusion. 22 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 1: I think it's funny how people always start the obvious 23 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:27,200 Speaker 1: when it's hot cold. You know, he walk into the cafe, Oh, 24 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:30,880 Speaker 1: how hot is it. It's like, yeah, it's hot, it's hot, 25 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,760 Speaker 1: it's hot, And the next person, oh my, hey, you 26 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 1: capping with the way. It's like, it seems to be this. 27 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 1: Uh is it a global thing or an aussy thing? 28 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,040 Speaker 1: Ausie's talking about the weather a lot. 29 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:45,880 Speaker 2: Oh well, well, soor of London is sort of New 30 00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 2: York is. But here's the thing, right, they talk about 31 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:51,840 Speaker 2: or we talk about the weather as it actually is. 32 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:54,760 Speaker 2: And it's hilarious because it's winter right now in New York. 33 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:58,440 Speaker 2: People like, what cold? It's like cold in New York 34 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:03,800 Speaker 2: City midwinter. It's freaky. Never saw that one coming. Where 35 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:08,799 Speaker 2: in San Diego, we we talk about the weather as 36 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,720 Speaker 2: if it's something it's not. We deny the weather, like 37 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 2: really truly out here. But yeah, it's just unseasonable. No, 38 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,520 Speaker 2: it's been like this, it's been like this whole month. 39 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:20,560 Speaker 2: What are you talking about? So we don't complain about 40 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 2: how bad the weather is. We're on complete denial whenever 41 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:25,639 Speaker 2: it's anything other than absolutely perfect. 42 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:31,840 Speaker 1: Listeners too, for my listeners who uh wouldn't have maybe 43 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,560 Speaker 1: an idea of the difference or a concept of the 44 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:38,880 Speaker 1: so west coast San Diego. Let's say, La, can we go? La? 45 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:42,880 Speaker 1: So a little lower right down the coast, So La. 46 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,160 Speaker 2: La is actually a little bit higher. We're a little 47 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 2: bit lower. 48 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:47,960 Speaker 1: Oh you're a bit lower? Am I thinking of sand 49 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:51,200 Speaker 1: fran San Franz all the way up? 50 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:51,960 Speaker 2: Yeah? 51 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Sorry, dude, my bad. Okay, So let's go 52 00:02:54,720 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 1: San Diego. Like typical temperature midwinter in the middle of 53 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,640 Speaker 1: the day. I know it varies, but like, what's an 54 00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 1: average middle of the day temperature for San Diego winter, 55 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:07,560 Speaker 1: all right? 56 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:11,680 Speaker 2: Anywhere from let's just say eighteen to twenty two degrees. 57 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:16,800 Speaker 1: Okay, eighteen to twenty two celsius midwinter is fucking great. 58 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:22,240 Speaker 1: That's almost my perfect climate. And at the exact come cost. Yeah, 59 00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:24,280 Speaker 1: it's a little. 60 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:28,840 Speaker 3: Bit harder inland, all right, on the exact same day, 61 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,200 Speaker 3: on the other side of the country, in say New York, 62 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:36,440 Speaker 3: give or take, what would the average temperature be in midwinter? 63 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:41,040 Speaker 2: It would be negative something. No varies as well. I 64 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:45,480 Speaker 2: mean if you've got zero degrees. It's actually okay. Here's 65 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:47,840 Speaker 2: the thing. People think I'm insane when I say this. 66 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:51,000 Speaker 2: I think because it's a very dry called out here. 67 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:55,120 Speaker 2: It feels different like zero degree is in New York City. 68 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,560 Speaker 2: Throw on like a couple of l as, a scarf, 69 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:01,040 Speaker 2: a hat. I'm fine. If it was same temperature here, 70 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:04,360 Speaker 2: I would be freezing because ten degrees here for me, 71 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 2: feels colder than zero degrees over there. But zero degrees 72 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,240 Speaker 2: is a lucky day because you can go a lot 73 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 2: lower than that. 74 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:17,360 Speaker 1: Wow, well, I think, well, there is more humidity where 75 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,640 Speaker 1: you are, so probably. 76 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:22,080 Speaker 2: Over over in New York the amdity is much greater 77 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,599 Speaker 2: because I mean, now I'm by the coast, but it's 78 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:25,479 Speaker 2: it's the desert. 79 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,280 Speaker 1: Like you're getting a lot of shit wrong today, I'm 80 00:04:28,279 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 1: realizing that. Okay, I'm getting an educator. So it's more 81 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:32,240 Speaker 1: humid in New York. 82 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 2: Did you take California geography when you were in school? 83 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 2: I wouldn't expect you to know this. I wish if 84 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 2: I didn't live here intermittently, But how. 85 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:44,479 Speaker 1: I would have thought, because California's you know, everyone's like, oh, 86 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,159 Speaker 1: for God's sake, fuck off with all this all right, 87 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:50,479 Speaker 1: I'll stop, I'll stop, all right, Sorry, I just go 88 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,720 Speaker 1: down the little rabbit hole that interests me and go 89 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,839 Speaker 1: for the ten thousand people listening to this, they're like, 90 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:58,600 Speaker 1: fucking stop, stop. 91 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,640 Speaker 2: They're could be they could be sitting down for tea tomorrow. 92 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,080 Speaker 1: Oh yeah yeah. And did you know that New York's 93 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:10,480 Speaker 1: more humid than San Diego? People like that's amazing. Where 94 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,640 Speaker 1: did you hear that on the You project? Fucking hell? 95 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,479 Speaker 1: Forget AI, just tune in there. Bobby will let you know. 96 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:21,479 Speaker 1: So full disclosure to our audience. Hello, audience. We are 97 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:25,240 Speaker 1: Bobby and I. We just we started this podcast about 98 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:28,440 Speaker 1: twenty minutes ago, thirty minutes ago, and we were on fire. 99 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:33,040 Speaker 1: We're going great. Problem being, we didn't hit the record button. 100 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,360 Speaker 1: And when I say we, I mean me. So I'm 101 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:41,160 Speaker 1: kind of throwing Bobby like it was some collective fuck up, 102 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 1: but it was all me. I'm putting up my hand, 103 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:48,360 Speaker 1: the only child I fucked up. So you know, we're 104 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,479 Speaker 1: on a bit of a roll. So it's it's quite 105 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:55,599 Speaker 1: funny because I don't script anything and I barely plan, 106 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:58,719 Speaker 1: and I wanted to talk to you today about love, 107 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,040 Speaker 1: which I know is a I actually think it's a 108 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 1: beautiful topic, and I think it is a very relevant 109 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,400 Speaker 1: topic and a powerful topic. But for you and me, 110 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 1: I don't think we've ever done a podcast on that. 111 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,839 Speaker 1: So I'm going to backtrack over a little bit of 112 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 1: what we said, so you know what's coming. So I 113 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:19,239 Speaker 1: apologize for that, but the audience doesn't. But I often 114 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:25,720 Speaker 1: think about doctor Gary Chapman's five Love Languages, So we'll 115 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:30,760 Speaker 1: come back to my story. But so Gary Chapman created 116 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:35,200 Speaker 1: kind of this framework for how people, I guess, give 117 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:39,360 Speaker 1: and receive love, like what they prefer to get, what 118 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:43,719 Speaker 1: their preferred love language is, and how they show or 119 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:49,039 Speaker 1: demonstrate or give love to others, with the idea being 120 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 1: that if we know somebody's love language or maybe love languages, 121 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,919 Speaker 1: some people kind of are very dominant in one, a 122 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:58,200 Speaker 1: little bit laura in the other, and we'll talk about 123 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:01,400 Speaker 1: that in a moment. Then they feel loved, you know, 124 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,040 Speaker 1: So they feel loved. But I might be giving love 125 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: to Bobby and Bobby's love languages, for example, words of affirmation. 126 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,440 Speaker 1: But I keep buying him little presents every time I 127 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,400 Speaker 1: see him, which he doesn't give a fuck about gifts. 128 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:19,840 Speaker 1: But what he cares about is that I've got nice 129 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,800 Speaker 1: things to say about him or positive things to say 130 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,920 Speaker 1: about him, or maybe his love language is physical touch, 131 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,320 Speaker 1: which doesn't mean spooning on the couch. It just means 132 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,040 Speaker 1: It could mean that depending on the people and the relationship, 133 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,600 Speaker 1: but probably in our case it might mean a hug, 134 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 1: or in an intimate relationship, it could be something much more, 135 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:41,440 Speaker 1: of course, But knowing that my intention and the way 136 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,760 Speaker 1: I experience love is not always the way that someone 137 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:48,120 Speaker 1: else experiences love is an interesting thing to be aware of, 138 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:54,840 Speaker 1: because sometimes our intention of being loving towards a person, 139 00:07:55,480 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 1: and in our understanding and our conceptual framework, in the 140 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 1: moment experience, we are being loving while all the while 141 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:09,320 Speaker 1: they are maybe not getting loving, so to speak. And 142 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 1: so when I first heard about this twenty or twenty 143 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 1: five years ago, I went, this is And by the way, 144 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:19,760 Speaker 1: I think this is just one person's kind of interpretation, 145 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,040 Speaker 1: and I think it's bigger than this, and I think 146 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,720 Speaker 1: we can look at it a lot of different ways. 147 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 1: But as a starting point, I think this is not 148 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,160 Speaker 1: the worst place to step off. So I'll share with 149 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,280 Speaker 1: you the five love languages, and we'll riff on this 150 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,040 Speaker 1: a bit, and maybe i'll talk to you a little 151 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:39,559 Speaker 1: bit about what's been going on with me. But also, Bobby, 152 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,200 Speaker 1: I think has got some going on too. So the 153 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:45,480 Speaker 1: first one is words of affirmation. You're familiar with these, right, 154 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,360 Speaker 1: don't you, mate, Yeah, finely, I'm going to say, and 155 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,800 Speaker 1: you just tell our audience. So words of affirmation, what's 156 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:51,320 Speaker 1: that about? 157 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:56,120 Speaker 2: Well, I feel like it's not it's not so much 158 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 2: like you're amazing, like you are the best, But it's 159 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,120 Speaker 2: all expressions of love. Is what I get from that? 160 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:08,199 Speaker 2: Is like it's like communicating how you feel. Yeah, like 161 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:11,000 Speaker 2: like when we discuss this and you tell me what 162 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:14,600 Speaker 2: I mean to you that makes me feel loved or 163 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:15,120 Speaker 2: you know. 164 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:23,319 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so expressing expressing affection or even yeah, compliments 165 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 1: that looks great, you look amazing. Words of encouragement, You're 166 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:31,560 Speaker 1: doing a great job. All that. Acts of service, Bobby, 167 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,720 Speaker 1: So number two number one, words of affirmation. Number two 168 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:39,760 Speaker 1: acts of service. Some people feel loved when this is happening, 169 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:42,679 Speaker 1: Like like. 170 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 2: When I know I have to do the dishes from 171 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 2: or or or. 172 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,559 Speaker 1: Does it sound like you've got a very loving attitude 173 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:56,680 Speaker 1: around that? That sounds like some kind of responsibility or punishment. 174 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:01,000 Speaker 2: No, but I noticed that when I do things like 175 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 2: out of the blow just spontaneously, that would make my 176 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:12,720 Speaker 2: wife's life easier. Or I go out or grab something 177 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 2: that I know she wants and I'll bring it back. 178 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,360 Speaker 2: It's not like a gift, but something like she wants 179 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 2: to have in the house. I know that that makes 180 00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:22,319 Speaker 2: her feel very loved. 181 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:26,280 Speaker 1: So what if you had to guess, say one, two, three, 182 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 1: or maybe there's only one and two. But what's how 183 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:33,680 Speaker 1: does her kind of hierarchy go in terms of love language? 184 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,560 Speaker 1: What's what's number one on her list? 185 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,120 Speaker 2: Ooh, I feel like I feel like this could be 186 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,839 Speaker 2: a cop out, but I feel like they're all very 187 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:44,800 Speaker 2: much collapsed with words of affirmation, there's physical touch and 188 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:49,320 Speaker 2: acts of service because all three of those are like 189 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:56,120 Speaker 2: how we consistently communicate. Yeah, it like for me, it's 190 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,920 Speaker 2: the cap. For for me, I know it's the combination. 191 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,120 Speaker 2: Like if I come home, especially if I know she's 192 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:05,880 Speaker 2: wanting wine, let's say out on the way back, I'll 193 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:09,320 Speaker 2: make a detour. I'll make it a point not She 194 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:12,200 Speaker 2: asks me. This is very different than hey, could you 195 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,880 Speaker 2: pick up some wine on the way home? She says, 196 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,679 Speaker 2: not a word to me, and I walk through the 197 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 2: front door, holding wine, and then I give her a 198 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 2: hug a cuddle for her I think that makes her 199 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:28,400 Speaker 2: feel most left. Yeah, I feel like I feel like 200 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,160 Speaker 2: words of affirmation I higher for me than. 201 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:35,040 Speaker 1: It's funny, because I would say, because I have only 202 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:40,679 Speaker 1: been insecure for sixty two years, words of affirmation have 203 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,680 Speaker 1: always been up there for me. While I would pretend 204 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:46,120 Speaker 1: they weren't, you know, I'd be like, yeah, no, I 205 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 1: don't need to flattery. I don't. Yes, I do, tell me, 206 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,600 Speaker 1: please tell me, tell me more. Right. I think I've 207 00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:54,840 Speaker 1: kind of outgrown that a little bit, but early I'm 208 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:58,760 Speaker 1: definitely words of affirmation, like people liking what I did 209 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:02,319 Speaker 1: or liking what I said, giving approval all because of 210 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:08,200 Speaker 1: my you know, numerous emotional inadequacies, I would imagine. But 211 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,160 Speaker 1: so yesterday I had a bunch of friends who come 212 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:15,480 Speaker 1: and helped my mum and dad move, which we might 213 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,880 Speaker 1: talk about later, but you know, moving to eighty six 214 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:22,360 Speaker 1: year olds from one town to another, from one house 215 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:26,600 Speaker 1: to another, and honestly, there was about and they don't 216 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 1: know this, but they might guess it. I don't know 217 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,840 Speaker 1: what I tell them, Yeah, like God tell the world, 218 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:36,160 Speaker 1: but I won't tell them like there was my training 219 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:40,800 Speaker 1: partner of twenty years, the crab who you know, who 220 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:45,040 Speaker 1: you love, who you've trained with? There was my best 221 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:48,280 Speaker 1: mate since I was eight. Vinn there was believe it 222 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:52,520 Speaker 1: or not, my UNI supervisor. Like, here's this dude. He's 223 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:59,199 Speaker 1: a senior professor, he's got two PhDs, he speaks seven languages, 224 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:02,120 Speaker 1: he's a genius. He took a day, he took a 225 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,560 Speaker 1: day of annual leave to come and help me to 226 00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:08,240 Speaker 1: drive four hours to move my parents. It nearly made 227 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:11,080 Speaker 1: me cry. And then this friend of mine that I've 228 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 1: known since school, Mary Anne, who is just the best human, 229 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:24,080 Speaker 1: Like just all of these people donated all of this 230 00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:27,120 Speaker 1: energy and time and not just yes, but yesterday it 231 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:32,400 Speaker 1: was like a fourteen hour day of relentless grind lifting, carrying, moving, 232 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 1: giving Ron and Mary love, and it like this is weird, 233 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:42,680 Speaker 1: but this is how I guess dysfunctional. I still am 234 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:46,400 Speaker 1: in some ways, if I'm being honest. But I felt 235 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:50,240 Speaker 1: so unworthy of all the help. I felt so guilty 236 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 1: about all the help, but I felt so overwhelmingly grateful 237 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:59,680 Speaker 1: for their act of service, Like a whole day to go, 238 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 1: and they're all like, we don't want anything, We just 239 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,520 Speaker 1: love you, moum and dad, this is just what we 240 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 1: want to do. We're here, What do you need? What 241 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:09,880 Speaker 1: have we got to move? What else do you need? 242 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,199 Speaker 1: And then at the end of the day everyone was fucked. 243 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 1: They're like, okay, let me know what else you need, 244 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:18,719 Speaker 1: and all of them are like, yeah, we'll come back 245 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:24,000 Speaker 1: and we'll do another day. I'm like, just that it. Ah. 246 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,920 Speaker 1: I didn't realize how much that mattered to me. But 247 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 1: so for me yesterday anyway, just people being willing to 248 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,840 Speaker 1: do stuff kind of really for my mum and dad, 249 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:39,200 Speaker 1: but really for me as well. That just yeah, even 250 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,960 Speaker 1: right now makes me tiny bit emotional. 251 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:49,480 Speaker 2: It is overwhelming and like, obviously something like that would 252 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:52,160 Speaker 2: mean a lot to you, but I feel like it 253 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,040 Speaker 2: probably means a lot to them as well. 254 00:14:55,800 --> 00:15:00,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, oh wow, I guess it is nice when you 255 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:03,040 Speaker 1: can genuinely do something for someone that you care about 256 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:07,560 Speaker 1: and move the needle, you know, you know, it's actually helping. 257 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:14,160 Speaker 2: When you do something that's an act of service for someone, 258 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:19,160 Speaker 2: you tend to view them more fondly, and that tends 259 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:24,760 Speaker 2: to cultivate a connection that's stronger than if somebody does 260 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:34,280 Speaker 2: something for you, because it reinforces evidence that your identity 261 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:36,400 Speaker 2: is aligned with the person you want to be, and 262 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:41,080 Speaker 2: I think that fosters closeness. Yeah, that's why. Like there's 263 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,840 Speaker 2: so much division in the world right now, and I 264 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:46,280 Speaker 2: know that, Like, thank you, Captain obvious. It's almost terrifying, 265 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:49,400 Speaker 2: Like not just the level of division, but the things 266 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:54,240 Speaker 2: were divided over I had. I had a stupid thing 267 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,480 Speaker 2: I did over the past week. I mean, I'm always 268 00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 2: doing many stupid things, but there's one stupid thing in particular. 269 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,880 Speaker 2: But I feel that if people were just in proximity 270 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:09,680 Speaker 2: to one another, and like proximity not just conversationally, but 271 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,960 Speaker 2: where they have to be in the same community together, 272 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,960 Speaker 2: and they would chat with each other and do things 273 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:20,760 Speaker 2: for each other like communities do. I feel a lot 274 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:25,080 Speaker 2: of that stuff would just be absurd to us. It 275 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:30,120 Speaker 2: would so reshape our worldview and perspective. Not everyone, but 276 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:33,240 Speaker 2: I would probably say half the people that have strong 277 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:37,640 Speaker 2: beliefs about other individuals who they know literally nothing about. 278 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,680 Speaker 2: This is all story in their head. That would go away, 279 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 2: not just being around people within a conversation range, but 280 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,360 Speaker 2: within a community life environment. 281 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:53,160 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, it's funny when you do stuff that is 282 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,200 Speaker 1: and I know, different things for different people, of course. 283 00:16:56,240 --> 00:17:01,080 Speaker 1: But for me, when I do stuff that is meaningful, 284 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,399 Speaker 1: like really meaningful, and I know it's going to or 285 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,680 Speaker 1: I believe it's going to help somebody else in a 286 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,760 Speaker 1: real way. Not make someone feel good for thirteen seconds, 287 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:13,320 Speaker 1: but I know this could actually help them. They've better 288 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:16,120 Speaker 1: be better, you know, come up with a solution, solve 289 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:20,480 Speaker 1: a problem, be healthier, or just you know, feel great 290 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,879 Speaker 1: for a while. Whatever. Yeah, there's something in that that 291 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,480 Speaker 1: I can't do for myself. I can't make me feel 292 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:31,119 Speaker 1: like that, you know, But I can help others feel 293 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:34,960 Speaker 1: like that, you know. And like even over the years, 294 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,280 Speaker 1: like when I was young and dumb and buying you know, 295 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,399 Speaker 1: fast cars and expensive cars and bullshit, because I was 296 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:45,720 Speaker 1: an idiot, and I remember, and I'm not saying this 297 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,399 Speaker 1: sound good or anything. It's just my story, but I 298 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:53,240 Speaker 1: bought my mum a few cars and my dad a car. 299 00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:56,280 Speaker 1: And the first time I bought my mum a car, 300 00:17:56,560 --> 00:18:00,639 Speaker 1: it was just a little basic car, and but it 301 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,240 Speaker 1: was brand new. They were brand new, and I took 302 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:05,080 Speaker 1: and she didn't know, she had no idea. It was 303 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:08,040 Speaker 1: her birthday and her car was pretty shitty. So I 304 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,600 Speaker 1: drove the new car, like with no kilometers on it. 305 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:12,199 Speaker 1: By the time I got to there, probably had one 306 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:16,200 Speaker 1: hundred and fifty kilometers. I stopped about a kilometer away 307 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,679 Speaker 1: and I polished the car. It was already clean, but 308 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,800 Speaker 1: you know, a few bugs and shit. I cleaned the 309 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:27,640 Speaker 1: car and I had this gigantic, like eighteen inch by 310 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,480 Speaker 1: eighteen inch red ribbon that came on the car from 311 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 1: the dealership, so I put that on the bonnet or 312 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:38,680 Speaker 1: as you would say, the hood, and I just drove 313 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:43,119 Speaker 1: it into the driveway and Mum came out and Mum's 314 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:47,920 Speaker 1: not Mum's very stoic. Mum's not like mum's mum. I've 315 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,359 Speaker 1: told this too many times. I apologized but died giving 316 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,560 Speaker 1: birth to my mum. So my mum never had a mum. 317 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,520 Speaker 1: So she grew up first year of the Second World 318 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 1: War she was born, so she grew up in the war, 319 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:01,320 Speaker 1: first six years of her life. Life was fucking tough. 320 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:06,920 Speaker 1: And she's very strong and very stoic. And she walked 321 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,760 Speaker 1: out and saw the car and nothing on her face, 322 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,959 Speaker 1: like she didn't think it was for her, because who 323 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:17,239 Speaker 1: would ever do that? And it was just like I 324 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,479 Speaker 1: still remember that moment, and in the context of all 325 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:24,480 Speaker 1: the other dumb shit I've bought. It wasn't even that expensive, 326 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,960 Speaker 1: you know, but it was like, Oh, I had so 327 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:33,399 Speaker 1: much joy buying her a cheap little car that I 328 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,919 Speaker 1: never got with any of the bullshit I bought for me. 329 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 1: And I'm like, ah, yeah, wow, this is a good lesson. 330 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:43,679 Speaker 1: I can't I can only get joy in giving, not getting, 331 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:47,960 Speaker 1: or temporary joy in getting, but very temporary but giving. Yeah. So, 332 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:51,840 Speaker 1: without trying to sound too biblical on everybody, I apologize, 333 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:53,960 Speaker 1: but that's my story. 334 00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:58,440 Speaker 2: I mean, I think giving is getting because it's unavoidable 335 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:03,760 Speaker 2: how you feel in that moment. And I feel like 336 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:08,000 Speaker 2: when you're giving, it could be something small to a 337 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:11,480 Speaker 2: strange or something large, and obviously it doesn't have to 338 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:15,640 Speaker 2: be material. But I feel like that's that one moment 339 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,000 Speaker 2: for me where I feel like, Okay, I'm human and 340 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:22,879 Speaker 2: I am connected to someone, and I am doing exactly 341 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:25,400 Speaker 2: what I'm supposed to do. This is how people are 342 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,320 Speaker 2: supposed to live together. This is how people are supposed 343 00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:31,359 Speaker 2: to interact. One of the things I'm worried about is 344 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:36,600 Speaker 2: we get very bad advice. That's partially true, but it's 345 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,160 Speaker 2: presented in a way that's so destructive. Like the whole 346 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:43,880 Speaker 2: you know, nobody's responsible, you know, for your happiness other 347 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:47,160 Speaker 2: than you. It's not about other people, it's about you. Well, yeah, 348 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,240 Speaker 2: the first part of that's true. Nobody's responsible for your 349 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 2: happiness other than you. And making somebody responsible for your 350 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:57,040 Speaker 2: happiness is a lot to put in another human being. 351 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,159 Speaker 2: But good luck being happy on your own, because I 352 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,760 Speaker 2: would imagine not just based on the data. I'm not 353 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,440 Speaker 2: going to go into too the enormous amount of research, 354 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:10,760 Speaker 2: but just the anecdotal experience he just did, but just 355 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,800 Speaker 2: just being a human being. Like I'm not even going 356 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:18,159 Speaker 2: to go there, just the experience of being a human being. 357 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:23,520 Speaker 2: Anytime you think about you when you were really happy, 358 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,520 Speaker 2: and you look back at this time and go, that 359 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:31,840 Speaker 2: was the time. That period probably involved other people, close 360 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:36,080 Speaker 2: intimate relationships, people you gave to, something you created for someone. 361 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:39,960 Speaker 2: Had a conversation with a beautiful guy, John Graham this morning, 362 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:43,159 Speaker 2: and he was talking about why it's so important to 363 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:47,720 Speaker 2: do what you do with such exquisite excellence, no matter 364 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:51,000 Speaker 2: what role or job title do you have, because that 365 00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:56,880 Speaker 2: contributes to people. It is an act of giving. It's like, yeah, 366 00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:01,199 Speaker 2: and I think it's like this vicious cycle where the 367 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:06,400 Speaker 2: world's so divided that we're increasing the distance between us 368 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:09,359 Speaker 2: and other people. It's the us and them, and the 369 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:14,560 Speaker 2: wider that distance gets, the more mental health suffers, and 370 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:18,320 Speaker 2: the more angry and bitter and resentful we get, and 371 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:20,679 Speaker 2: the more bitter and resentful we get, the more we 372 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,520 Speaker 2: distance ourselves from other people. I don't know if that's 373 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:27,119 Speaker 2: by default or that's by design, but it seems to 374 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:33,320 Speaker 2: be a perpetually, I think intense vicious cycle that we're 375 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:37,720 Speaker 2: experiencing globally. It concerns me. I mean, I fell into 376 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:40,200 Speaker 2: it this week in a small but significant way. 377 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,360 Speaker 1: Can I just tell you that you've dated us out 378 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:44,560 Speaker 1: of our love conversation? 379 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:51,399 Speaker 2: No, I don't think, because I feel like if you 380 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,720 Speaker 2: talk about go write a post about love on the 381 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:58,320 Speaker 2: internet and see the comments that you get from people 382 00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:02,400 Speaker 2: who are clearly offering and either not feeling self love 383 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:05,439 Speaker 2: or love for somebody else or being loved by other people, 384 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:08,360 Speaker 2: because those comments don't come from a place of being 385 00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:11,159 Speaker 2: well adjusted and lightened and living in a state of 386 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:15,840 Speaker 2: perpetual bliss and gratitude, does it? So? I don't know. Yeah, 387 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,360 Speaker 2: I guess I did deviate, but. 388 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:21,840 Speaker 1: No, it's all right, I'm just really not really it's good. No, 389 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:26,000 Speaker 1: it's good. It's I mean, emotions in general, love, hate, 390 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:33,760 Speaker 1: you know, kindness, jealousy, resent, envy, whatever, sadness, happiness, you know, 391 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,919 Speaker 1: it's it's messy, it's a fucking it's a whirlpool of 392 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:45,439 Speaker 1: the human experience. Let's talk about So also, what do 393 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 1: you think what's the top of your list? Yeah, that's 394 00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:52,200 Speaker 1: the top of your list. 395 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:54,119 Speaker 2: Are you talking about my love language? 396 00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:55,520 Speaker 1: Yeah? Love language? 397 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:57,239 Speaker 2: I really don't know. 398 00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:59,440 Speaker 1: I'll give them to you. Words of affirmation, so you've 399 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,320 Speaker 1: got some thing time, words of affirmation, acts of service, 400 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:06,120 Speaker 1: receiving gifts, quality time, physical touch. 401 00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think. I think for me it's it's a 402 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:15,000 Speaker 2: combination of time, physical touch from certain people I don't 403 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:19,560 Speaker 2: generally like being touched, and of course words of affirmation, 404 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:25,440 Speaker 2: acts of service. I appreciate gifts, to tell you the truth, conkievetos. 405 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:30,439 Speaker 2: I mean, I appreciate it when I get them, but 406 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:33,399 Speaker 2: they don't move me as much as some of the 407 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:33,960 Speaker 2: other things. 408 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,600 Speaker 1: It's so interesting because I think all of these are 409 00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:39,560 Speaker 1: very variable. Like you might get a gift from me 410 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:43,199 Speaker 1: that's something that's really you never thought you'd get, and 411 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:47,119 Speaker 1: it's quite sentimental, or it's you know, it's like fucking amazing. 412 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 1: Or I might give you a wooden frog to put 413 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:53,600 Speaker 1: in your garden. You're like, ah, I love this wooden frog. 414 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 1: You know who knows. But it's it's that also, like 415 00:24:57,359 --> 00:25:00,720 Speaker 1: with the physical touch. I'm I'm a little bit of 416 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,080 Speaker 1: a hugger. It's like when I do a workshop, especially 417 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:05,160 Speaker 1: a public workshop, I reckon I give out at least 418 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:10,080 Speaker 1: one hundred hugs and love that. But yeah, I'm I'm 419 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:15,119 Speaker 1: I'm not massive on you know, from some people. I 420 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:20,240 Speaker 1: guess it depends on what it's about. But receiving gifts 421 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,840 Speaker 1: for me, I'm like you, it's like I would rather 422 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:28,440 Speaker 1: somebody spend that on themselves or somebody else. And quality time. 423 00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: I think it's like it's dependent on the person. There 424 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:35,719 Speaker 1: are some people I want to spend no time with 425 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:40,119 Speaker 1: how much zero, And then other people it's almost like 426 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,480 Speaker 1: you can't get enough. I'm a bit of a weirdo, 427 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,160 Speaker 1: so I need Craig time. But there are some people 428 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,520 Speaker 1: that I genuinely like spending time with. And I mean, no, Horriady, 429 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:49,800 Speaker 1: go what about you? 430 00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:56,040 Speaker 2: I mean for me, it's like we can we can 431 00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 2: like sit here and gas as to what our love 432 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,640 Speaker 2: language is, and it's all open to interpretation. I think 433 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:03,600 Speaker 2: the best way to look at anything, or one very 434 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:07,720 Speaker 2: effective way is look in the past, right like the holidays, 435 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:11,359 Speaker 2: just past. What do I want to do during the holidays? 436 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,520 Speaker 2: Or we were even talking about this my wife and 437 00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:20,720 Speaker 2: I amy yesterday. Where my birthdays? Sometimes I don't even 438 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,399 Speaker 2: like sharing my birthday with a lot of people because 439 00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,760 Speaker 2: the things that I want to do on the holidays 440 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,719 Speaker 2: and on my birthday are I would rather sit in 441 00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:34,919 Speaker 2: the pub, spend time, talk to you, and that to 442 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:39,400 Speaker 2: me makes me feel loved. That to me is complete bliss. 443 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,359 Speaker 2: I don't want a gift for my birthday. I don't 444 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,679 Speaker 2: want another parasox for Christmas. I'd rather go out and 445 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:50,320 Speaker 2: do something and experience something, go somewhere and spend time 446 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:54,520 Speaker 2: and have conversation. So I know that that's got to 447 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:56,760 Speaker 2: be pretty high up on my list because whenever I 448 00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:00,320 Speaker 2: have the option to engage in any of those, those 449 00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:03,440 Speaker 2: are the ones that eight ten to choose with most 450 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:04,560 Speaker 2: people most of the time. 451 00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:11,880 Speaker 1: What about I know for a lot of people, including 452 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:15,240 Speaker 1: a lot of including somebody who's on this podcast regularly, 453 00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:19,200 Speaker 1: and a lot of my friends. They get a lot 454 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:24,800 Speaker 1: of their like their love bucket filled from animals, you 455 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:32,640 Speaker 1: know where that's I think also because there's an element 456 00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:38,800 Speaker 1: of safety and predictability with animals, you know, or with 457 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:42,520 Speaker 1: their animals. Once you know a buck of motherfuck, that 458 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,240 Speaker 1: little motherfucker is going to be so happy in ten 459 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:48,040 Speaker 1: minutes when I walk back through the door, like they've 460 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:49,240 Speaker 1: never seen me before. 461 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:54,200 Speaker 2: Oh my days. So we have two cats now right 462 00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:57,600 Speaker 2: ones a justing. They're very they're very close. They just 463 00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,960 Speaker 2: we do tend to move them around quite a bit. 464 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:05,919 Speaker 2: It but the older one we rescued him. He's extremely 465 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,960 Speaker 2: intelligent and he could like, you know, everything he's thinking 466 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:14,080 Speaker 2: and feeling and I when. 467 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:16,879 Speaker 1: You come home sometimes and he's watching Jippity smoking the. 468 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:21,800 Speaker 2: Pot, well, no, no, it's it's it's more like Hallmark 469 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:28,480 Speaker 2: movies mid afternoon. It's just but he loves it. Knitting. 470 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:30,960 Speaker 2: No he's not, it's not into he's not into uh 471 00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:33,880 Speaker 2: knitting yet, but you know, he loves his lego sets. 472 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:37,919 Speaker 2: So he doesn't live with me. He's in Brooklyn right 473 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:42,200 Speaker 2: now because Amy goes back and forth to Brooklyn. And 474 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,840 Speaker 2: when we first oh, when we first packed him up 475 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,240 Speaker 2: to take him to Brooklyn. I didn't get to say 476 00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:49,960 Speaker 2: goodbye because we were pulling up to the to the 477 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,600 Speaker 2: curb at the airport and as she was getting out, 478 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:54,920 Speaker 2: she had him in the bag and we got yelled 479 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:57,160 Speaker 2: at come on, moving along, moving along. I was like, 480 00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,800 Speaker 2: oh God. I gave her a quick hug, didn't say goodbye. 481 00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:03,680 Speaker 2: It cat, So I rock up. Weeks later, that cat 482 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:07,320 Speaker 2: remembers that he won't go near me for twenty four hours. 483 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:11,160 Speaker 2: He's furious. So I leave and I'm away for a 484 00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:14,680 Speaker 2: while and then I'm coming back to Brooklyn again, and 485 00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,600 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh God, when I walk through the front door, 486 00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:21,040 Speaker 2: he's going to be angry again because I laughed, and 487 00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:22,720 Speaker 2: you know, for like twenty four hours, he's not going 488 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:26,000 Speaker 2: to talk to me. That is not what happened. I 489 00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,120 Speaker 2: have never seen a cat do this, and I'll let 490 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,480 Speaker 2: I am going to admit this in front of thousands 491 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:35,560 Speaker 2: of listeners. I walked through the front door and he 492 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:40,280 Speaker 2: looked up, stood up, and his eyes got big and watery. 493 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:43,880 Speaker 2: And the cat saw me and started to cry and 494 00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:47,000 Speaker 2: the look on his face. He jumps off of the 495 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:50,400 Speaker 2: couch and he starts slowly walking over to me and 496 00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:55,040 Speaker 2: puts his poor on me and I just I just 497 00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:56,360 Speaker 2: welled up with CEUs. 498 00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:59,000 Speaker 1: It was are you standing? Were you sitting? 499 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:02,400 Speaker 2: What we do? I walked through the front door in 500 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:06,560 Speaker 2: Brooklyn and I just looked and he was. He was 501 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:12,200 Speaker 2: on the sofa. He looks up, sees me, his eyes 502 00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:17,440 Speaker 2: get just enormous and his pupils just completely dilated, just 503 00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:19,840 Speaker 2: just all watery, and he came out. It was the 504 00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:23,880 Speaker 2: sweetest thing. This cat was so missed me clearly so much, 505 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,360 Speaker 2: was so happy to see me. It was such an 506 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,920 Speaker 2: emotional moment for me. I was like, Wow, how long 507 00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:32,880 Speaker 2: were you there for? Well, I left straight after I 508 00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:34,960 Speaker 2: had to go. Now I was there for I was 509 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:36,080 Speaker 2: there for a couple of weeks. 510 00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:38,600 Speaker 1: And did he just follow you everywhere? 511 00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:42,600 Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, he followed me everywhere. The new cat ran 512 00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:44,800 Speaker 2: from me because he didn't know who I was. And 513 00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,240 Speaker 2: I came in with suitcases. So we got to know 514 00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:50,320 Speaker 2: each other over the two week period. And then when 515 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,840 Speaker 2: I laughed, you had like every time the older one 516 00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:56,800 Speaker 2: sees suitcases, he gets very depressed because he knew somebody. 517 00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:58,120 Speaker 2: Yeah he knows you're leaving. 518 00:30:58,560 --> 00:30:59,800 Speaker 1: That's a pretty smart cat. 519 00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:07,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, he's brilliant. It's his greatest attribute and his greatest liability. 520 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,520 Speaker 2: He's super, super intelligent and tuned in. The other one's 521 00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:12,320 Speaker 2: an absolute idiot, but he's adorable. 522 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:17,960 Speaker 1: I love him. Her friends like that. I am like that. 523 00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:19,760 Speaker 2: You're not talking about me. 524 00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:24,280 Speaker 1: Okay, So this framework that wasn't Oh, I don't know 525 00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:26,640 Speaker 1: if it was developed scientifically, I wouldn't think so. But 526 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,920 Speaker 1: I think he's got a really good insight into how 527 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:33,760 Speaker 1: humans work. Oh, he's got a PhD. Maybe is he 528 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:36,200 Speaker 1: a medical doctor or an academic doctor? 529 00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:40,360 Speaker 2: I really don't I'm familiar anyway, he's one or the other. 530 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:45,120 Speaker 1: How do you think that, like on a practical level, 531 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,000 Speaker 1: So we understand some people, you know, some people they 532 00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:53,080 Speaker 1: get gifts, Like my mum. When I gave her that car, 533 00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:56,160 Speaker 1: it wasn't so much about I mean, she loved the car, 534 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,560 Speaker 1: but it was more that I would do that for her. 535 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:03,080 Speaker 1: It's like, my son loves me enough to do this. 536 00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,680 Speaker 1: That's what kind of cracked her up. And she never 537 00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:09,840 Speaker 1: cracks up. She bowled, She bowled like a baby, and 538 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:14,320 Speaker 1: she never bawls. She doesn't cry, right, And I reckon 539 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:16,400 Speaker 1: it was five percent about the car and ninety five 540 00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:19,440 Speaker 1: percent of the car. That's about ninety five percent of 541 00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,240 Speaker 1: the fact that she's like, oh, how much does my 542 00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:25,280 Speaker 1: kid love me? You know? Well, yeah, of course. 543 00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:27,680 Speaker 2: That makes a lot of sense. I mean, we all 544 00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:29,920 Speaker 2: have the same basic human needs, but how those needs 545 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:33,240 Speaker 2: are met very quite a bit. So if you grew 546 00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:36,160 Speaker 2: up and dad never told you I love you, I'm 547 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:40,560 Speaker 2: proud of you, propel affirmation would be quite important to you, 548 00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,120 Speaker 2: wouldn't it. Where if you grew up and you had 549 00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:46,680 Speaker 2: very loving parents, but there was always this sense of 550 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:51,400 Speaker 2: scarcity and lack and anxiety around that, and you grew 551 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:55,920 Speaker 2: up you had a partner who you know, would commit 552 00:32:55,960 --> 00:33:00,120 Speaker 2: acts of service or would buy you material things that 553 00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:03,720 Speaker 2: might be a symbol that you're safe, that you're provided for, 554 00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:07,400 Speaker 2: and that may list it, you know, feelings of love 555 00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:10,400 Speaker 2: and connection and care. So I think it depends on 556 00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:13,600 Speaker 2: how we interpret things based on where we've come from, 557 00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:15,000 Speaker 2: what we've experienced. 558 00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:20,400 Speaker 1: Do you think it's worth taking the time to pay 559 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,600 Speaker 1: more attention and open the door a little bit on 560 00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:28,280 Speaker 1: metacognition and theory of mind understanding broadly how people think 561 00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:33,040 Speaker 1: and more broadly how they feel and their version of reality, 562 00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:36,760 Speaker 1: and like, how they love and how they experience love, 563 00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,520 Speaker 1: and what do I need to do too, Like, if 564 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,959 Speaker 1: my intention is to give them love, how do I 565 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:45,080 Speaker 1: do that in a way where it's not like I'm 566 00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:48,200 Speaker 1: giving love to myself, it's actually what they need. It's like, 567 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:53,760 Speaker 1: you know, my perfect dinner is broccoli, chicken and rice. Boom. 568 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,520 Speaker 1: I'm an excitement machine. My friends come over and I 569 00:33:56,560 --> 00:34:00,280 Speaker 1: go sit down. This is so fucking amazing, this will 570 00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:03,400 Speaker 1: blow your head off. Just you'll welcome, and I give 571 00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:06,800 Speaker 1: them a ball of what I like. Fucked dude, I'd 572 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:10,920 Speaker 1: rather punch myself in the face. But to me taste amazing. 573 00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:13,359 Speaker 1: But for them, it's like I'm just going to walk 574 00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:16,239 Speaker 1: up the road and get something else. Well, I think 575 00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:19,520 Speaker 1: there's something to that. I think there's you know. The 576 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:23,880 Speaker 1: thing about loving something for me is sharing it. Like 577 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,279 Speaker 1: if there's a film that I saw and it moved me, 578 00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:29,359 Speaker 1: I want you to see that film because I want 579 00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:31,759 Speaker 1: not because I think that you like what I like 580 00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:34,480 Speaker 1: and you're just like me. It's just if I love 581 00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:39,719 Speaker 1: this food or this song did something for me emotionally, 582 00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:42,400 Speaker 1: I want you to experience the things. 583 00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:46,000 Speaker 2: That I want to experience. Yeah, you know, and I 584 00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:49,239 Speaker 2: think that's one of the litmus tests for things that 585 00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:53,759 Speaker 2: you really value. Do those things come with conditions like 586 00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:56,680 Speaker 2: what I want most for myself? Do I want that 587 00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:00,359 Speaker 2: for other people without conditions? Or is it like, well, yeah, 588 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:02,279 Speaker 2: of course I want you to have this. If you 589 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,239 Speaker 2: look like me, if you think like me, if you 590 00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,560 Speaker 2: agree with me, that's not a value that that that 591 00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:12,240 Speaker 2: is a manipulation tactic. You're up, You're up to something. 592 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:17,800 Speaker 2: But then there's also paying attention to people's response and 593 00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:22,040 Speaker 2: being able to listen not just with words, but through 594 00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:26,600 Speaker 2: presence to who is this person, what do they respond to? 595 00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:30,440 Speaker 2: And not everybody is going to see the world and 596 00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,359 Speaker 2: react to the world the way you do. I think 597 00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:37,359 Speaker 2: not only will that expand and deepen how enriched our 598 00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:41,360 Speaker 2: world is, but it might really help the world because 599 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,560 Speaker 2: we are lacking that right now. 600 00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:49,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it seems like empathy is not rampant 601 00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:50,080 Speaker 1: at the moment. 602 00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:52,960 Speaker 2: Now. He can I talk about something stupid I did 603 00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:57,520 Speaker 2: because this has been on my mind and so I've 604 00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:00,400 Speaker 2: always said I don't I don't comment on top toxic 605 00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:04,360 Speaker 2: threads on the internet because it's a complete waste of time. 606 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:07,160 Speaker 2: So I went ahead this week and I thought, you know, 607 00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:10,120 Speaker 2: let me comment on a toxic thread on the Internet. 608 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:16,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, great idea, how did a guy for you? Ah? 609 00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:21,359 Speaker 2: It was it was hilarious, it was affirming, and then 610 00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:27,279 Speaker 2: upon reflection, it was devastating. And here's why I say that. One, 611 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:29,759 Speaker 2: I'm on social media more than I should be, and 612 00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:31,960 Speaker 2: this is a habit I got into during the holidays 613 00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:36,600 Speaker 2: and I seriously need to break it. So somebody posted something. 614 00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:38,879 Speaker 2: I'm not going to get into the exact details because 615 00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:42,040 Speaker 2: I don't want this to become about that, but it 616 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:45,920 Speaker 2: was kind of what I interpreted as a demeaning post 617 00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:51,640 Speaker 2: about these gross generalized categories of people like you know, I. 618 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:57,160 Speaker 2: It was almost like, thank Heavens, I'm not like these people, 619 00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:00,480 Speaker 2: and I'm as amazing as I am because you know, 620 00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:03,680 Speaker 2: I can't stand people who wear shoes they're evil, or 621 00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:08,239 Speaker 2: you know, people who wear like shades and shirts. You know, 622 00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:15,160 Speaker 2: so yeah, and it's just that. And I jumped on 623 00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:23,560 Speaker 2: and I was like, that is a contemptuous and and 624 00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:27,160 Speaker 2: I asked a question and the question was kind of 625 00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:30,680 Speaker 2: a trap, and I just called this person out because 626 00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:35,399 Speaker 2: where you say you're coming from, in my mind, did 627 00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:40,240 Speaker 2: not align with the message you're sending. And it really 628 00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:42,759 Speaker 2: got under my skin and I got a whole bunch 629 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:45,919 Speaker 2: of likes on it, and then you know, I would 630 00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:50,200 Speaker 2: get some comments, you know, go cry about it. Then 631 00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:56,719 Speaker 2: soy boy or or somebody would like comment about my 632 00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:00,960 Speaker 2: political affiliations, even though I said nothing thing political. So 633 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,799 Speaker 2: I don't know where you're getting that from. That's obviously 634 00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:09,320 Speaker 2: a projection. But then somebody wrote something and it really 635 00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:12,360 Speaker 2: made me think. And he said, you know, you better 636 00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:17,799 Speaker 2: be careful because you're playing with a double edged sword there, 637 00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:22,480 Speaker 2: and I was like, and I responded to that, and 638 00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:26,200 Speaker 2: then I sat with it later I was like, you 639 00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:31,719 Speaker 2: know what, He's right. I'm not engaging in discourse. I'm 640 00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:38,960 Speaker 2: engaging in loveless, arrogant hypocrisy. I'm coming after you because 641 00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:43,560 Speaker 2: you're filled with contempt. So I have contempt for your 642 00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:48,040 Speaker 2: contempt because I'm better than that. And not only am 643 00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:53,480 Speaker 2: I doing that, but I'm referencing things that are well 644 00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:58,040 Speaker 2: above my right and authority to reference. I am literally 645 00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:03,759 Speaker 2: nobody to bring this into a conversation. And I am 646 00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:07,359 Speaker 2: whatever you're doing in this area, I guarantee, like, I 647 00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:10,319 Speaker 2: am probably twice as bad as you, to say the least. 648 00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:13,120 Speaker 2: I was like, wow, So the analogy that was in 649 00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:17,080 Speaker 2: my head and I'm using this purely as an analogy, 650 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:22,600 Speaker 2: not a literal reference. Imagine the world as vibrational frequencies, right, 651 00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:26,640 Speaker 2: And there are certain frequencies you know when you're sitting 652 00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:29,960 Speaker 2: at your desk and you hear something like an alarm 653 00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:34,000 Speaker 2: going off, and how disconcerting that frequency is, and how 654 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:37,360 Speaker 2: that's so disruptive to your well being and your focus 655 00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:40,880 Speaker 2: so many things. I think most of the Internet is 656 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:47,239 Speaker 2: like that now, where it's this disruptive, disconcerting frequency that 657 00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:51,960 Speaker 2: creates nothing but disharmony. And what I did is I 658 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:56,239 Speaker 2: added to that frequency, regardless of what my intention was, 659 00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:58,480 Speaker 2: no matter how many people, even the people who agreed 660 00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:02,040 Speaker 2: with me, they were probably agreeing and anger. So I 661 00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:07,240 Speaker 2: just amplified a disconcerting frequency. And that is the last 662 00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:10,200 Speaker 2: thing the world needs. And I'm like, I wonder what 663 00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:15,080 Speaker 2: would have happened if I would DM this person not publicly, 664 00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:21,160 Speaker 2: and said, hey, you're going through something? Is everything? Okay? 665 00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:22,920 Speaker 2: You know I noticed this, and I just want you 666 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:26,279 Speaker 2: to know that things do get better, people do care. 667 00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:30,359 Speaker 2: And I might have gotten nothing back, or maybe they 668 00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:33,400 Speaker 2: would have written piss off back. Probably would have deserved 669 00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:35,640 Speaker 2: that as well, But that is the only thing that's 670 00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:40,360 Speaker 2: capable of making a difference. It's it's like it was. 671 00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,760 Speaker 2: I mean, it wasn't like a huge thing. It wasn't 672 00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:45,319 Speaker 2: like I tore into someone I know out in the 673 00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:49,600 Speaker 2: real world. But I felt so self set. That's the 674 00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:54,120 Speaker 2: first thing. Whenever you're there's telling truth and then there's 675 00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:58,560 Speaker 2: telling truth with love. And if you're telling truth, you 676 00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,440 Speaker 2: get to really ask yourself, does this have more to 677 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:05,800 Speaker 2: do with benefiting the other person or a higher principle, 678 00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:09,000 Speaker 2: or is this about me? If you're telling truth from love, 679 00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:13,720 Speaker 2: the chance is that you're on that frequency that adds 680 00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:18,520 Speaker 2: harmony rather than detracts from it is much much greater. 681 00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:21,120 Speaker 2: But that's just an experience I had with my own 682 00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:22,800 Speaker 2: this week. 683 00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:26,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, thanks for sharing that. That's very interesting and 684 00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:29,600 Speaker 1: it is very well one. It's very magnanimous and very 685 00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:35,360 Speaker 1: very good self awareness for you to have that self 686 00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:37,920 Speaker 1: reflection and insight and then to be able to realize. 687 00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:42,560 Speaker 1: I mean, I've never ever seen anyone, ever, on any thread, 688 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:47,799 Speaker 1: ever on any platform, jump on say some bullshit after 689 00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:50,840 Speaker 1: someone else said some bullshit, and then the other person 690 00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:54,960 Speaker 1: criticizes them, and then the person who jumped onto criticized 691 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:57,600 Speaker 1: back goes you know what I really thought about it. 692 00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:01,399 Speaker 1: You're right, I'm wrong, like without. 693 00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:05,240 Speaker 3: Being sarcastical, facetious, right, no, but it even gets worse. 694 00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:09,360 Speaker 2: One person did say, hey, I don't think I'm responsible 695 00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,120 Speaker 2: for that what you're talking about. And I'll tell you 696 00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:15,240 Speaker 2: what these groups of people, and the groups of people 697 00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:18,879 Speaker 2: like one of them were like vegans, which what all 698 00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:22,960 Speaker 2: vegans are horrible evil people. I mean, you know, like 699 00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:27,000 Speaker 2: I love a chicken curry. Hopefully, like we're not going 700 00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,719 Speaker 2: to fall out over that. So it was like, but 701 00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:34,480 Speaker 2: you know, they frustrate me. It's like that was an 702 00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:36,759 Speaker 2: opportunity to go, hey, hey, can I just ask him? 703 00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:39,839 Speaker 2: When you say, like, what do you mean they frustrate you? 704 00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:41,319 Speaker 2: Can I ask it? 705 00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:45,759 Speaker 1: I honestly think, like, honestly, mey, just sitting here is 706 00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:48,440 Speaker 1: such a fucking waste of time, all of it, like. 707 00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:50,120 Speaker 2: It really it really is, like. 708 00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:55,839 Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, but all of them. No, no, no, no, no, 709 00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:59,680 Speaker 1: it's such a fucking waste of your time. And you're 710 00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:04,840 Speaker 1: so smart, right who No, no, no, it's a waste 711 00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:09,560 Speaker 1: of your fucking time. It's such bullshit. And you know, 712 00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:12,680 Speaker 1: and I know that it almost never and I would 713 00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:15,600 Speaker 1: say never, but I don't have the data, it almost 714 00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:19,280 Speaker 1: never produces a positive or healthy outcome. 715 00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:23,040 Speaker 2: Right. Also, with you completely. 716 00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:25,319 Speaker 1: Hang on last thing, then you can fucking hijack me. 717 00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:29,919 Speaker 1: Last thing is you are talking to people who don't 718 00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:34,480 Speaker 1: want your opinion, like this is theo. They do not 719 00:43:34,719 --> 00:43:39,160 Speaker 1: fucking care how you think, even if you were unequivocally right, 720 00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:42,319 Speaker 1: which you're not. Just like I'm never unequivocally right. I 721 00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:45,600 Speaker 1: get shit wrong right all the time. But the problem 722 00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:50,240 Speaker 1: is that it's like I hear people talk about stuff 723 00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:52,680 Speaker 1: that I am an expert in, like getting in shape, 724 00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:56,719 Speaker 1: like exose physiology science, you know, like body competitions, da, da, 725 00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:59,640 Speaker 1: da da, and they say, shit, that's unequivocally well to 726 00:43:59,719 --> 00:44:03,680 Speaker 1: my my experience, my knowledge, my research, it's not true. 727 00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:05,919 Speaker 1: And I can go in there and say, hey, guess 728 00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:09,080 Speaker 1: what you know for forty four years, I've been working 729 00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:11,520 Speaker 1: with human beings and I do this, and I've done that, 730 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,920 Speaker 1: and all of that's true, and then what comes out 731 00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:17,600 Speaker 1: of my mouth might also be true. But it doesn't 732 00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:20,480 Speaker 1: fucking matter if they don't want to hear me. So 733 00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:24,560 Speaker 1: the question is not is what I'm saying insightful, clever, true? 734 00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:27,319 Speaker 1: Could it move the needle? Could it help someone? The 735 00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:31,239 Speaker 1: only question that matters is is this person open to 736 00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:33,640 Speaker 1: hearing what I have to say in a real way? 737 00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:37,719 Speaker 1: Do they want to do they want to listen to me? 738 00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:41,359 Speaker 1: And the answer is almost totally know they don't. They 739 00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:43,759 Speaker 1: just want to vent. So when you jump on and 740 00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:46,759 Speaker 1: do a version of venting, it's like, it's such a 741 00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:47,959 Speaker 1: fucking waste. 742 00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:52,600 Speaker 2: Bro completely and now mind you not defending myself, but. 743 00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,720 Speaker 1: Abe do this very very rarely. 744 00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:56,960 Speaker 2: Is this is something that was so out of character 745 00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,160 Speaker 2: for me, which is why I'm talking about It's not 746 00:44:59,160 --> 00:44:59,560 Speaker 2: like I'm. 747 00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:01,880 Speaker 1: Into so smart. Do not do that again. 748 00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:04,680 Speaker 2: It was like this one off where I was just 749 00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:07,160 Speaker 2: I was I was at this point where I was 750 00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:09,600 Speaker 2: just like reading all these news stories, which is not 751 00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:10,399 Speaker 2: a good thing. 752 00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:14,400 Speaker 1: That it's an idea. Don't do that in the first place. 753 00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:17,000 Speaker 1: One you won't get to step to your fuck with. 754 00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:22,160 Speaker 2: I would not agree, can not agree more. No argument. 755 00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:24,799 Speaker 2: The point I was making, I think you made it 756 00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:28,800 Speaker 2: actually is if you are going to waste time and engage, 757 00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:34,879 Speaker 2: at least at least don't throw out bloody opinions, because, 758 00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:41,760 Speaker 2: like on LinkedIn, for example, the platform I quite enjoy I've. 759 00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:43,680 Speaker 1: Asked questions, my listeners, do you get the idea that 760 00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:49,040 Speaker 1: he really Oh, my default speaker has changed. Do you 761 00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,200 Speaker 1: really get the idea that this is where he wanted 762 00:45:51,239 --> 00:45:53,120 Speaker 1: to go the whole show. He didn't want to talk 763 00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:53,680 Speaker 1: about love. 764 00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:59,120 Speaker 2: No, I did want to talk about it because it's 765 00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:05,400 Speaker 2: for me. I think sometimes the the way to really 766 00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:11,040 Speaker 2: get clarity on something is to take a look at 767 00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:14,879 Speaker 2: what is it not? Like how many times to people say, oh, 768 00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:17,080 Speaker 2: I don't know what I want? Okay, and we've had 769 00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:22,560 Speaker 2: this conversation, what do you really not want? Like what's 770 00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:28,479 Speaker 2: your worst nightmare? Let's reverse engineer back from there. But yes, 771 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:32,239 Speaker 2: like I've I have been able to make progress with 772 00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:37,080 Speaker 2: people talking about business and science on LinkedIn. But usually 773 00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:41,000 Speaker 2: that's curiosity and that's questions. It's not my opinion and 774 00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:45,960 Speaker 2: ego that I'm leading with, which is so so different 775 00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:47,919 Speaker 2: from what has happened over the course of the week. 776 00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:51,680 Speaker 1: I'm not sure about LinkedIn. I'm on LinkedIn. I'm not sure. 777 00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:55,200 Speaker 1: It's a lot more pleasant, Like there's a lot less 778 00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:58,239 Speaker 1: belligerence and oh I love it. 779 00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:01,319 Speaker 2: I mean it's out there. There's people that bring up things. 780 00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:03,520 Speaker 2: It's like, why you're bringing this up on LinkedIn, and 781 00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:07,440 Speaker 2: there's there's people who are quite hostile, but you also 782 00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:09,799 Speaker 2: get I would say fifty percent of the people that 783 00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:13,080 Speaker 2: they want to engage, they want to learn, they want 784 00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:17,719 Speaker 2: to have respectful discourse that deepens their subject matter expertise. 785 00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:20,440 Speaker 2: I quite love that platform. 786 00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:22,719 Speaker 1: It's always good to chat to you, bro, and it's 787 00:47:22,719 --> 00:47:24,879 Speaker 1: always good to have a little mini argument with you. 788 00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:25,400 Speaker 1: I love it. 789 00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:29,160 Speaker 2: Uh yeah, that was that was great. 790 00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:30,800 Speaker 1: Yeah. 791 00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:33,040 Speaker 2: I think I might just need like a really good 792 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:36,000 Speaker 2: night's sleep and a Camra mealt this week. I don't 793 00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:38,040 Speaker 2: want we got it into me this week. 794 00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:40,160 Speaker 1: I'd even need a little cuddle and a shoulder rub. 795 00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:42,920 Speaker 2: It's not my love language, isn't it. 796 00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:46,839 Speaker 1: But thanks, I could have said fifteen fucking hilarious things 797 00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:48,839 Speaker 1: strip back. I said none, because you know what, I'm 798 00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:54,319 Speaker 1: a grown up. How can people connect with you? Well, 799 00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:59,960 Speaker 1: I am on LinkedIn, as previously mentioned on the project, 800 00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:03,200 Speaker 1: you wilso have a podcast called. 801 00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:07,799 Speaker 2: H I Do. I've also got this Robert Capuccio dot 802 00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:08,799 Speaker 2: com website. 803 00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:13,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, where you could just that that that was available? Yeah, 804 00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:15,640 Speaker 1: I know. 805 00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:18,200 Speaker 2: Thank Evans. My name is James Smith. 806 00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:22,080 Speaker 1: Thanks buddy, I'll talk to you soon, Bro, talk to 807 00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:23,480 Speaker 1: you soon you mate.