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Speaker 1: Hi, guys, Happy twenty twenty six. I'm recording this in

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty six. I know you had an episode last week,

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Speaker 1: but I have such a good feeling about this year.

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Speaker 1: I hope you guys are having a lovely summer break.

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Speaker 1: If you're still at school or if you're back corporate

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Speaker 1: girly full time, I hope you had a nice to

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Speaker 1: relaxing summer break. Over that time where no one knows

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Speaker 1: the day, the time that anything that needs to be studied.

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Speaker 1: Those the days between Christomers and New Year. How many

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Speaker 1: days are there? Sometimes it feels like two, sometimes it

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Speaker 1: feels like three weeks.

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Speaker 2: You never know the time. You can't be fucked doing anything, but.

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Speaker 1: The days go so slow and so fast at the

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Speaker 1: same time, Like, do you not think like.

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Speaker 2: It's so weird.

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Speaker 3: I think it's also because you're around your family on

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Speaker 3: those days. Yeah, what day is it? And you ask

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Speaker 3: like eight times in the same day, to the point

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Speaker 3: you keep second guessing yourself.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think it's actually because you have nothing

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Speaker 1: to do, like there isn't anything you can really do.

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Speaker 2: Besides like, yes, socialize.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And then like it hits you on like the

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Speaker 1: third of Jan and you're like, shit, I've i work

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Speaker 1: in a couple of days, i haven't done anything productive

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Speaker 1: over the last week. And you're just like it's such

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Speaker 1: a warped concept and I just don't know how to feel.

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Speaker 3: So feel like everyone like, yes, sir, is a Christmas break,

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Speaker 3: but everyone pretty much will let go on Christmas Day,

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Speaker 3: like even Christmas Eve. If I slapped a few little things, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I can get this done, but I could actually rest

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Speaker 3: from that day. So I'm like I'm in a holiday

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Speaker 3: heads space. And then it's halfway through January and you're like, okay, yeah.

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Speaker 2: I'm really struggling, Like I've set my alarm this morning.

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Speaker 1: Because when you work in influencing, obviously, like you don't

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Speaker 1: really have a break because you're still always posting on

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Speaker 1: social media, but like it's the first time that you're

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Speaker 1: not like on emails and like doing stuff like you're

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Speaker 1: doing quote unquote these things called what we call it

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Speaker 1: organic content instead of like paid content, So like you

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Speaker 1: do kind of have a break and you don't have

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Speaker 1: to post as regularly and stuff like that. And then

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Speaker 1: I said, like I was going back to work on

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Speaker 1: the fifth of jan Oh, guys, I literally can't wake

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Speaker 1: up in the morning. I set my alarm this morning

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Speaker 1: for eight am to go for a walk around ten

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Speaker 1: couldn't do it.

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Speaker 2: Got out of bed at nine point thirty. Like, I

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Speaker 2: just can't get back into it. I'm really really struggling

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Speaker 2: with that.

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Speaker 1: But I think it's also because I had such a

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Speaker 1: hectic like week over New Year's Like I ended up

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Speaker 1: flying to Perth of thirty six hours, which is just

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Speaker 1: like crazy. I was doing a lot of drinking and

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Speaker 1: going out. So I think it's like my body's like, babe,

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Speaker 1: you're tired, Like it's okay, you actually need to sleep.

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Speaker 1: And I don't sleep at night because my fucking ADHD

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Speaker 1: drives me insane. So yeah, I'm struggling to get back

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Speaker 1: into it. But next week is a new week. This

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Speaker 1: it's kind of a warming up week for me.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna say, should we start with your Christmas? Yea,

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Speaker 3: we haven't caught up on that either. How was it?

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Speaker 2: It was so fun? The best Christmas I've ever had.

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Speaker 2: They had.

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Speaker 1: I had my two best friends join me and their families,

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Speaker 1: well not Nellie's family, but Lily's parents joined me because

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Speaker 1: she's an only child. We had some old friends that

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Speaker 1: we lived with in Perth come join us.

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Speaker 2: My brothers were there.

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Speaker 1: It was just like so nice to have like all

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Speaker 1: my favorite people in one place. We got so drunk,

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Speaker 1: like me and the girls, like it was just like

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Speaker 1: at up my house, Like we just got so so

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Speaker 1: so drunk that like I barely ate Christmas lunch, Like

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Speaker 1: my mum was sitting there being like eat some fucking food.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't because I was just like buzzing on, like

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Speaker 1: dancing around the living room like it was.

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Speaker 2: So much fun.

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Speaker 1: And then we ended the night at my cousin's house

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Speaker 1: because I've got such a big family. So yeah, it

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Speaker 1: was just so nice spending it with everyone, and I

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Speaker 1: just like loved it, like having all my favorite people

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Speaker 1: in one.

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Speaker 3: That's so nice for you. Like I remember last year,

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Speaker 3: I think you got a daily mail article calling you

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Speaker 3: the Grinch or something.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I am usually the Grinch because growing up I

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Speaker 1: had really hard Christmases, like my family, My family dynamic

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Speaker 1: was really hard growing up, so I never thought that

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Speaker 1: I would enjoy Christmas and it was always it always

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Speaker 1: is such a hard, touchy time when you have a

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Speaker 1: bit of a broken family around Christmas, because it really

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Speaker 1: highlights that.

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Speaker 2: So I used to be a bit of the Grinch,

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Speaker 2: but last year I wasn't the Green. I was Cindy

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Speaker 2: Loo like I was loving it.

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Speaker 1: And then yeah, I have a beach hose down in

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Speaker 1: Belgaria and I normally spend it down there in New

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Speaker 1: Year's Thank god I didn't spend someone in Toronto like

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Speaker 1: on a Protecting my piece is my biggest inn in

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty six. I'm not going to things if they're

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Speaker 1: going to overwhelm me, if they're going to stress me out,

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Speaker 1: if people are around there they're gonna make me feel

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Speaker 1: like shit.

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Speaker 2: I don't care.

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Speaker 1: Like I used to care so much about like people

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Speaker 1: not seeing me there on social media and then they're

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Speaker 1: thinking that there was beef and drama and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: So I would force myself to go so then people

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Speaker 1: wouldn't speculate stuff online.

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Speaker 2: But now I'm like, actually, I'm not.

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Speaker 1: Living my life like that, Like I don't care say

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Speaker 1: whatever you want about me online.

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Speaker 2: If I don't want to be there, I'm not going.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So I've went up to Sydney the best time

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Speaker 1: of my life. First New Years in Sydney, I saw

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Speaker 1: the fireworks on the Sydney Harbor fridge for the first time,

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Speaker 1: which I don't think will ever get old, but as

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Speaker 1: like my first time seeing it, it is amazing. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: I just had like a really nice time with my

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Speaker 1: friends in Sydney. I've made some really nice friends in

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Speaker 1: Sydney and I'm just like loving it up there.

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Speaker 3: So it was just nice quickly. We've never revisited this.

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Speaker 3: How's like the whole Sydney mind space going. Is it

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Speaker 3: somewhere you're seeing yourself living or are you're still testing

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Speaker 3: it out?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So I'm going to move up there for the

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Speaker 1: month of feb because I'm going to drive my car

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Speaker 1: up there and see how I feel. That's a tough drive,

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Speaker 1: I will I don't tell you that because I might

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Speaker 1: have to do it about myself. I'm trying to convince

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Speaker 1: There's two people that I'm trying to convince good to

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Speaker 1: do it with me, and neither of them are on board.

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Speaker 1: So I'm trying to But yeah, I want to drive

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Speaker 1: my car up there because I still want to have

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Speaker 1: a bit of independence. I'm so close with Bill, but

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Speaker 1: I also like when we get back into like work

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Speaker 1: stuff and everything like that, we'll both have such busy lives,

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Speaker 1: so I'm going to be living renting his spare room

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Speaker 1: for a month just to see if I like it,

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Speaker 1: and then I'll probably do it in May because that's

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Speaker 1: when all like, there's so many events and stuff that

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Speaker 1: happened at the start of the year in Melbourne that

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Speaker 1: I probably should be here for. And then May I

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Speaker 1: turn twenty four, I'm like year and Sydney that is

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Speaker 1: the horizon.

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Speaker 3: I can't believe we're here.

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Speaker 2: I just love it. I'm like I needed to give

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Speaker 2: it a go, and it clicked.

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Speaker 1: Like I always say in the podcast, like Melbourne is

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Speaker 1: where I'm from, and I love Melbourne because my family

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Speaker 1: and life, like my closest friends that feel like sisters

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Speaker 1: are here, but it doesn't feel like somewhere I want

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Speaker 1: to end up, Like I always love Melbourne, but it

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Speaker 1: doesn't feel like for the lifestyle that I love and

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Speaker 1: the lifestyle that I love to live, having that in

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Speaker 1: Melbourne doesn't really work. Tried London, but then again, like

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Speaker 1: I'm such a beach girl, like I love being out

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Speaker 1: in the environment. I love being out in like the elements,

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Speaker 1: and it just like didn't work for me.

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Speaker 2: And this year I'm choosing peace.

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Speaker 1: I'm surrounding myself with people I love, and I want

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Speaker 1: to provide.

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Speaker 2: A calm home and surrounding for me.

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Speaker 3: And Sydney feels like that, especially the area you're staying in,

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Speaker 3: like Bondai, that is just like a little safe have

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Speaker 3: You're in bubble there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it is a little bubble and I just am like,

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Speaker 2: I fuck with it. Watch your space girls.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, this episode, we're doing a few dilemmas, going

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Speaker 1: to answer your dilemmas, maybe solve them so we can

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Speaker 1: get rid of that bad juju in January and enjoy

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Speaker 1: the rest of the eleven months of the year.

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Speaker 2: Ins and Outs, I want to hear your in because

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Speaker 2: I need some. I have a few on my like

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Speaker 2: in my brain.

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Speaker 1: But I want to hear your ins and outs because

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Speaker 1: I want to see if I'm like, yeah, in or out.

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Speaker 2: Maybe you should read them to me, Blake and I'll see.

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Speaker 2: I guess that if they're the girls ins or the

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Speaker 2: girls out?

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Speaker 3: Kay, Okay, I had it labeled differently, but that's going

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Speaker 3: to work.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Like hit me for the ins and outs of

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Speaker 1: Girls as the ins and Outs of twenty twenty.

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Speaker 3: Six, so our first one being hard to access but

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Speaker 3: easy to admire in in. That was my favorite one.

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Speaker 2: But I love that.

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Speaker 3: Like I got that, I'm like, I'm still I'm going

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Speaker 3: to get.

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Speaker 2: That tattooed, hard to access, easy to admire.

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Speaker 3: Oh stout that to you now?

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Speaker 2: Fuck? I love that? Wait yeah fuck I really like that?

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Speaker 3: All right? Our next one, males.

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Speaker 2: In, I've changed, I've turned to corner girls.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I've turned the corner. But males that only follow these,

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Speaker 1: I'll read it out for you. Males, you're only larding

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Speaker 1: my life. If you communicate with me every day, you

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Speaker 1: don't act nonchalant, you text your X, you're out. If

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Speaker 1: you don't have a job, you're out. If you party

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Speaker 1: every weekend with no purpose, you're out. If you don't

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Speaker 1: have a license, you're out. If you like every girl's

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Speaker 1: fucking bikini picks on Instagram, you're out. If you're not romantic,

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Speaker 1: bye bye. If you don't play dates, bye bye. If

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Speaker 1: you're not clear with what you don't with what you want,

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Speaker 1: au revoir loser.

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Speaker 2: But if you aren't like that, you're welcome. Come into

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Speaker 2: my life. In twenty twenty.

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Speaker 3: Six, I'm making that a real show. I was just

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Speaker 3: watching that so good. Love that bother.

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Speaker 2: All those are really good.

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Speaker 1: But if you are one of those males who do

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Speaker 1: those disgusting things, you're not welcome here.

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Speaker 2: If you tick all those boxes.

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Speaker 3: Hey, work on yourself in twenty twenty six and you

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Speaker 3: might make it in twenty twenty seven. We'll see all.

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Speaker 2: Twenty twenty eight.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Nas, wired headphones in always in. That was on

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Speaker 3: the end list. I'm much an AirPod baby myself, but

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Speaker 3: I do get the argument.

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Speaker 1: I'm Airpod's max girlie and I'm a wireless headphones.

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Speaker 2: But they're for two different things.

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Speaker 1: Jim air maxes because lifting weights and having the chords

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Speaker 1: around you annoying.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, ballad shopping center.

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Speaker 1: Wired headphones because you can quickly pull the mount, speak

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Speaker 1: to the shop sale assistant.

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Speaker 2: Hi, sorry, where's the flower, pull them out quickly, headphones

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Speaker 2: them on.

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Speaker 3: And you know what, when you pull an air pod out,

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Speaker 3: it pulls to the music. Sometimes it also thinks, like

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Speaker 3: if you haven't clench in your hand or think it's

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Speaker 3: still playing music, see a mid sentence and your music

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Speaker 3: sounds blaring, right, it might be getting on the bandwagon.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I do like a called headphones the time and place.

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Speaker 3: Next Apple watches out out.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm so Sorry, guys, technology is evolving.

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Speaker 2: Get an Aura ring ballad.

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Speaker 1: You have your phone on you twenty four to seven

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Speaker 1: and you're you can see the time there, you can

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Speaker 1: see your text.

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Speaker 2: Messages come through.

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Speaker 1: I just don't like the look of them, and I

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Speaker 1: don't like when people have the tan like. I just

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Speaker 1: love fashion and I just love like I love putting

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Speaker 1: effort into my appearance. And I think anytime someone wears

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Speaker 1: a nice outfit, they have nice makeup on and they've.

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Speaker 2: Got a big Apple w your big whoop on the hand.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, no, it's such a blocker.

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Speaker 2: It is even garments for men, I can't do.

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Speaker 3: I'm not a big fan of garments. So I've had

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Speaker 3: two Apple watches and sold them both because they were

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Speaker 3: just another It was another source of anxiety for me.

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Speaker 3: I'll just get double my notification. Yes, I was like

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Speaker 3: anxiety one. Oh, it's come through on my phone now.

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Speaker 2: Correctly, come through all my fucking car too.

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Speaker 3: It's never a nice message. I'm like, you know what,

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Speaker 3: I don't need that, and I don't work out much.

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Speaker 3: I think I bought it to like inspire, but it

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Speaker 3: just gave me anxiety.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no Apple watches are out.

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Speaker 3: Sorry, Apple might be an obvious one setting boundaries in yeah,

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Speaker 3: and I feel like we got good at that in

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Speaker 3: twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 2: Yes, so good at it?

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Speaker 1: Do you know what's an out for me? And a

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Speaker 1: lot of people are doing it making subtle digs at

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Speaker 1: people on TikTok. I don't like that Internet beef is

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Speaker 1: out of twenty twenty six, I ain't doing it.

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Speaker 2: Don't do it?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, all that spf in ye and it is hard

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Speaker 3: saying no to things in Yeah. I'm trying to get

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Speaker 3: better at that this year. I feel like got better

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Speaker 3: at it at the end of last year, but this

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Speaker 3: year is my year.

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Speaker 2: Foot Like, you.

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Speaker 1: Don't have to do something every weekend, and you don't

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Speaker 1: have to be crazy chaotic, fun and everything like that.

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Speaker 1: If you're tired, I promise you you're not going to

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Speaker 1: miss out on that night.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the same thing will happen the next weekend.

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Speaker 3: Or even just stressing how you think people are going

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Speaker 3: to feel. If you say no, yeah, you create the

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Speaker 3: reality in your head. Then you actually say it the

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Speaker 3: one time and like, oh, that's fine.

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Speaker 2: The most important person is yourself exactly.

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Speaker 3: Next one putting up with men.

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Speaker 2: Shit, babe, we should have left that fucking back in

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Speaker 2: twenty twelve when.

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Speaker 3: Even longer friends that don't cut it.

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Speaker 2: What does that mean they're just aren't it? Oh yeah,

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Speaker 2: they don't make the cut.

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Speaker 3: Yeah out, big out, one sided friendships.

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Speaker 2: Out, guys. I'm telling you right now, as I get older.

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Speaker 1: Having a small circle doesn't mean you're not friend like

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Speaker 1: you don't have friends that you're not a likable person.

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Speaker 1: Having a small circle, you can have acquaintances. I have

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Speaker 1: a lot of acquaintances because of the job that I'm in, Like,

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Speaker 1: I know, I meet and see a lot of people.

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Speaker 2: But I have the bestest.

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Speaker 1: Bestest friends that I know would drop anything for me

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Speaker 1: at any time. I can count them all on one

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Speaker 1: or two hands.

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Speaker 2: That's all you need.

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Speaker 1: You don't need a big fucking friendship group and everything

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Speaker 1: like that. If they're not treating you like shit, don't

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Speaker 1: keep them in your life just because oh they have

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Speaker 1: that connection or they do this and they do that.

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Speaker 2: No, exactly, cut it out, like protect your piece and

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Speaker 2: have a small circle. It's so much easier.

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Speaker 1: I saw this TikTok my friend send it to me. Actually,

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Speaker 1: small circle, no oversharing, protecting my piece, no drama, no

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Speaker 1: hit talking behind someone's back and my journal and me

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Speaker 1: don't shit talk journal it out. My psychologist said, like,

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Speaker 1: I'm I was working through it with her the end

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Speaker 1: of last year, with like some of the things that

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Speaker 1: I went through that were really hard for me last year,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, sometimes I just want to say to

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Speaker 1: this person. And she was like, write a note and

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Speaker 1: everything you wish you could say, make it and if

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Speaker 1: you want to make it mean, make it mean, like

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Speaker 1: say anything that you say, nothing is off the limits.

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Speaker 1: And then fold it up, put it in the bottom

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Speaker 1: of your drawer, and every time you think about that,

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Speaker 1: pull the letter out. Read how she treated you, Read

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Speaker 1: what they're doing to you, or how he treated you,

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Speaker 1: and just like, don't say anything, don't overshare, don't over explain,

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Speaker 1: just write it on a piece of paper and read

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Speaker 1: it every time you want to say something.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you're just good to go.

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Speaker 3: I thought she's also going to recommend just like ripping

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Speaker 3: it up as well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she did say burn it, but then I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but what if I wanted like do it.

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Speaker 2: She's like, well, then just put it in the drawer. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: she said, burn it.

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Speaker 3: Nice, And you know what, it's actually quite easy to forget,

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Speaker 3: like the intricate details of things, like, yeah, I've had

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Speaker 3: things happen in my life and like years have passed,

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Speaker 3: I'm actually like I actually forget what happened now, whereas

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Speaker 3: like having a touch point like that. Yeah, it's so

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Speaker 3: good for when you're in the depths of it and

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Speaker 3: you're like, wait, why am I angry again?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,040
Speaker 1: Like even like when you're trying to get over an X,

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00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:05,720
Speaker 1: like writing a note to them instead of like wanting

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00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,000
Speaker 1: because the only person that can give.

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00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,160
Speaker 2: You closure is yourself.

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00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,880
Speaker 1: So like constantly texting them and setting these them, these

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00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:16,280
Speaker 1: big essays is so pointless. Write it all down on

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00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:18,400
Speaker 1: a piece of paper and write it, don't type it,

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00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,080
Speaker 1: because when you're actually handwriting it, you're more present in

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Speaker 1: the moment of what you're thinking and what you're writing.

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Speaker 2: And just read it all the time.

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Speaker 1: And just like because you get lost when you're trying

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Speaker 1: to heal of all the good times and that's the

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00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,800
Speaker 1: only thing you remember, think about the bad times and

358
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:31,920
Speaker 1: how he left you on the side of the street

359
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Speaker 1: crying because he wanted to get piece with these mates.

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Speaker 3: Read that, never forget, then you won't.

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Speaker 2: Want that anymore.

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Speaker 3: Hey, all right, low maintenance friendships.

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Speaker 2: I think that's an in and and out.

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Speaker 1: Like having a small circle of friends makes you want

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00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,760
Speaker 1: to have and put effort in and have a high

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Speaker 1: maintenance friendship because you really value them. But I think

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Speaker 1: when like I think low maintenance is like obviously when

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00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,960
Speaker 1: they're like demanding and they drain new you and they're

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00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,640
Speaker 1: like constantly thinks for you and like they drag your

370
00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,440
Speaker 1: energy out, that's an out. But I think putting effort

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Speaker 1: and maintaining a good friendship and putting the time and

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00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,280
Speaker 1: the care for someone isn't in. Yeah, but like people

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Speaker 1: who drain you and like feel like you constantly when

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Speaker 1: you walk away from the situations feel low.

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00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's an out. I saw it as like solely

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Speaker 3: an inn. But I feel like as adults, we kind

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00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,160
Speaker 3: of want low maintenance friendships because their lives are so big.

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Speaker 3: But I don't also want to like paint a friendship

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00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:31,440
Speaker 3: as low maintenance, because you know, we should be putting

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00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,080
Speaker 3: things into them. But like what you were saying before

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Speaker 3: about friendships and like how you have a smaller crew

382
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:39,080
Speaker 3: but you have so much more trust in them, I

383
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:42,040
Speaker 3: was going to say they're probably naturally lower maintenance. Relationships

384
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,000
Speaker 3: because you don't need to work on your relationship with

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00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,040
Speaker 3: Lily every day and reassure.

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00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:46,960
Speaker 1: Like I don't want you to get mad that I

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00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:51,600
Speaker 1: haven't texted you in three days. Yeah, like that low maintenance, perfect.

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00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:52,600
Speaker 3: But you're just coexisting?

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00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:59,520
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, hit me with the Dialomas.

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00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:04,320
Speaker 3: Blake writ so number one, Hi, Sam, absolutely adore you

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00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,000
Speaker 3: keep doing you? How sweet?

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00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:06,480
Speaker 2: This is?

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00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,360
Speaker 3: Okay? So my dilemma. I've been in a relationship with

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00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:13,200
Speaker 3: my partner for three years. Our relationship started off pretty rocky,

395
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,440
Speaker 3: and without going into detail, he used to date a

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00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,720
Speaker 3: girl I was best friends with. Prior to him, I

397
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,800
Speaker 3: was in a sexually abusive relationship as well as being

398
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:25,240
Speaker 3: cheated on. I've been through the ringer and I'm still

399
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:28,320
Speaker 3: healing from this trauma. As of late, I haven't had

400
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,640
Speaker 3: a sex drive at all, and nothing about him turns

401
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:32,720
Speaker 3: me on anymore. I feel like I have to read

402
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,400
Speaker 3: smart just to get myself in the mood. Do you

403
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:39,600
Speaker 3: know what smart is? It's like really like sexy dirty books.

404
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,640
Speaker 3: Oh it's a real thing. I'm not into it, but

405
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,640
Speaker 3: I know it now slave you will.

406
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:45,280
Speaker 2: Sorry, don't read.

407
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,600
Speaker 3: I feel so ashamed saying that because there was once

408
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,440
Speaker 3: a time where he would turn me on so much

409
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,600
Speaker 3: and my sex drive was so high. I'm worried that

410
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,760
Speaker 3: I'm either falling out of love with him or something

411
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,040
Speaker 3: else is going on. We also live together and have

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00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,440
Speaker 3: a dog, so sometimes I feel like I'm just daying

413
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,000
Speaker 3: with him because of that and because the heartbreak would

414
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 3: be unbearable. The other day, he was insinuating that he

415
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:09,080
Speaker 3: wants to spend his future with me. AKA he bought

416
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:12,520
Speaker 3: me a ring, and I'm kind of shitting it. It's

417
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:16,600
Speaker 3: just like a promise ring or engagement. What wtf? I

418
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,399
Speaker 3: actually feel like this is a midlife crisis. What the

419
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,920
Speaker 3: hell do you can't wait to hear your thoughts? Save

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00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,520
Speaker 3: me from a spiraling Wow.

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00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:27,040
Speaker 1: Okay, first of all, I would highly recommend listening to

422
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,199
Speaker 1: the episode with the Sexologist about your sex drive and

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00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:34,040
Speaker 1: everything like that. That episode has hands down been one

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00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:38,000
Speaker 1: of the most helpful things that I have done for myself.

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00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,440
Speaker 2: I probably should see her more frequently.

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00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,399
Speaker 3: I was going to raise this with you after, but

427
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:44,200
Speaker 3: let's say it on the podcast. That's been one of

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00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:46,960
Speaker 3: our best guest interviews. So if we do want to go

429
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,960
Speaker 3: back for an audience, Q and A, like all of

430
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,040
Speaker 3: our audience's questions, we can arrange that.

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00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, let me know, because it's honestly been so helpful

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00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,040
Speaker 1: for me to understand myself.

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Speaker 2: So if you haven't listened to that episode.

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00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,920
Speaker 1: I definitely recommend listening to the sex Ologists Sex episode.

435
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:04,280
Speaker 1: But from me applying from what I learned from her

436
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,360
Speaker 1: with your situation, as I'm so sorry that you went

437
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,800
Speaker 1: through that you were sexually assaulted, a little bit of

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00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:13,040
Speaker 1: go so not that it's probably in your conscious mind,

439
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,560
Speaker 1: but it is probably in your subconscious mind that like

440
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,320
Speaker 1: sex is probably a little bit of a triggering thing

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00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:20,760
Speaker 1: and a bit of a traumatic thing. It's not necessarily

442
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,840
Speaker 1: like a desirable thing for you because maybe you have

443
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:29,159
Speaker 1: some unworked through trauma that is not ticking off your

444
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,000
Speaker 1: sex drive and maybe turning you off there a little

445
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,679
Speaker 1: bit like that. Maybe you are also a bit of

446
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,520
Speaker 1: a slow burn as you're reading those books. That's getting

447
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,840
Speaker 1: your mind into it. It's getting you into the mood,

448
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:42,120
Speaker 1: it's getting into the setting. You can't just walk into

449
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,120
Speaker 1: the room and he rip your pants off and be like, yeah,

450
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,280
Speaker 1: let's have sex. It wouldn't work for me, It doesn't

451
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,720
Speaker 1: work for you, and that's okay. It might work for

452
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,760
Speaker 1: your friends. But again, you're very different, your body's very different.

453
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:53,959
Speaker 1: You've also gone through a really traumatic experience when it

454
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:57,639
Speaker 1: comes to being sexually intimate with someone that you probably

455
00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:00,359
Speaker 1: do just have to feel safe and everything like that.

456
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,879
Speaker 1: Another big thing is you could be on medication. I

457
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,439
Speaker 1: don't really know what your mental health is like and

458
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:08,520
Speaker 1: everything like that. But things and libido and everything ebbs

459
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:11,440
Speaker 1: and flows. With the life stage that you're in, there's

460
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:14,199
Speaker 1: so many external factors instead of just like wanting to

461
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:18,200
Speaker 1: be sexually intimate with someone, like I can find someone

462
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,159
Speaker 1: really really attractive, but no, I don't want to have

463
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,959
Speaker 1: sex with you. Like I think you need to openly

464
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:27,320
Speaker 1: communicate with your partner how you're feeling and really kind

465
00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:28,960
Speaker 1: of just go from there, be like this is how

466
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,159
Speaker 1: I'm feeling, and how do we go about this? Like

467
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:33,560
Speaker 1: maybe I need a little bit more romance from you,

468
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:36,840
Speaker 1: Maybe I want a little bit more effort, like maybe

469
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,240
Speaker 1: spark up the idea of like as you do live together,

470
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,240
Speaker 1: like give it a couple dates and be like, how

471
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,639
Speaker 1: about I meet you at a day spot, like a

472
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,080
Speaker 1: date spot, Like let's get dressed up, let's pretend that

473
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:50,600
Speaker 1: we are going on our first date and like doing

474
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,280
Speaker 1: things like that and just like bring the romance alive.

475
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:56,119
Speaker 1: I was in a relationship for almost three years, and

476
00:19:56,160 --> 00:20:00,120
Speaker 1: I do understand that there gets that weird part of

477
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:04,760
Speaker 1: that relationship where it is like so comfortable, there's a

478
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:08,439
Speaker 1: thing on look it up, there was something being on

479
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:12,480
Speaker 1: TikTok about it. But your relationship goes through cycles, and

480
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,160
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure there's like six stages of the relationship

481
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,080
Speaker 1: and you could just be in one of those stages

482
00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:20,000
Speaker 1: where you're like, you know, you have so much love

483
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 1: for each other, but like that's it, you know what

484
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,520
Speaker 1: I mean. So it's like about research about the stages

485
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,040
Speaker 1: of relationships.

486
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,439
Speaker 2: And everything like that and work through it.

487
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,920
Speaker 1: I think, just communicate with him, talk about it with him,

488
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,040
Speaker 1: and see if you can work through that. If not,

489
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,720
Speaker 1: maybe he's not your guy. You can have a lot

490
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:41,800
Speaker 1: of love for someone but not be in love with them.

491
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:44,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, and we should talk about the ring as well.

492
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:49,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, that'd scare me, but okay, if someone I had

493
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 1: been dating for three years, I'm going to apply it

494
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,480
Speaker 1: in my last relationship, if he had told me that

495
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 1: he had bought me a promise ring or an engagement

496
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,840
Speaker 1: ring when we were going through kind of like a

497
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 1: rocky stage, I would have run because I just like

498
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 1: you should know by three years if I wanted to

499
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,520
Speaker 1: spend the rest of my life with you, I should

500
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,800
Speaker 1: know by three years. And if that scares me subconsciously,

501
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,680
Speaker 1: probably he's not my man.

502
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, unlet's say it when we're healthy and yes.

503
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,720
Speaker 1: Going well, Yes, So I think that now that he's

504
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,760
Speaker 1: expressed that, I think you should express how you're feeling

505
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:26,040
Speaker 1: because he, I think, is on a different page than you,

506
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:28,639
Speaker 1: and it's not fair on him either by that he

507
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,560
Speaker 1: doesn't know where your head's at.

508
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I would hope that he's been respectable and

509
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,080
Speaker 3: patient with you anyway. So I think it's like good

510
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 3: once all these things are coming to a head at once,

511
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 3: be like, I'm so overwhelmed, let's talk it out.

512
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:41,160
Speaker 2: Yeah.

513
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 3: I don't think anything has to be definitive.

514
00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 1: I don't know it's yeah, I think you're just like

515
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,920
Speaker 1: a conversation, yeah, because I think you're all up in

516
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 1: your head at the moment and you just don't really

517
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,359
Speaker 1: have any answers and a lot would help by just

518
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 1: having a conversation with him and seeing how he replies,

519
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,480
Speaker 1: and honestly, if he takes it really well, that's a

520
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:01,960
Speaker 1: good sign that he wants to work through it. If

521
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 1: he latches out gets mad at you, you know your answer.

522
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,840
Speaker 1: Good luck, girl, that's really hard. I'm so sorry.

523
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 3: All right, So our next one, your advice has got

524
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,680
Speaker 3: to me through so much already, so I'd be interested

525
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,480
Speaker 3: to know your take on this one. My ex emotionally

526
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 3: manipulated me to the point of being completely uninterested in man, dating, sex,

527
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,800
Speaker 3: or emotionally opening myself up again.

528
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 2: Please tell me about myself?

529
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,199
Speaker 3: Sound familiar. I feel like I want to start going

530
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:30,080
Speaker 3: on dates again and without expectation of it going anywhere,

531
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,400
Speaker 3: but I have no idea how to go about it.

532
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,399
Speaker 3: Half of me wants to live my early twenties and

533
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 3: go on dates and put myself out there just for

534
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:38,199
Speaker 3: the fun of it, but the other half is so

535
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 3: scared of doing it again that it completely repulses me.

536
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,920
Speaker 3: I feel like I had a very very similar place

537
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 3: to mine when it comes to sex, dating, and man.

538
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 3: So please help a girl out on how to get

539
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,720
Speaker 3: back into this and actually have some fun with it.

540
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't know.

541
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 3: God, I feel like you've just got like all these

542
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:56,720
Speaker 3: little tidbits so.

543
00:22:56,720 --> 00:23:00,199
Speaker 1: You can just like off I am so glad that

544
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:03,480
Speaker 1: I'm my ex did the same thing to me. And yeah,

545
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 1: the thought of dating and everything like that after that

546
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:10,120
Speaker 1: and still now like really stresses me out. And I

547
00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:12,280
Speaker 1: if you guys listen to the episode with Lily and I,

548
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 1: I am quite notorious for ghosting people or changing plans

549
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 1: or not going to the date and everything like that

550
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:23,000
Speaker 1: because I find there's so much pressure with a one

551
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:26,960
Speaker 1: on one date over drinks, over a dinner, like sitting there,

552
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 1: getting dressed up and going on. That stuff really really

553
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:31,920
Speaker 1: stresses me out. And I know that there's a lot

554
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 1: of controversy, controversy and conversation about it online of being like, oh,

555
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 1: like if you just ask me out for a walk

556
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,160
Speaker 1: in coffee, like what am I your dog? You're gonna

557
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,359
Speaker 1: walk me and only buy me a seven dollar coffee.

558
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:49,480
Speaker 1: I disagree with that so so much because a coffee

559
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:52,680
Speaker 1: is such a casual way to meet someone and it's

560
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,199
Speaker 1: in daylight. You can say you have something after if

561
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,040
Speaker 1: you want to get out. I think you're very much

562
00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 1: like me that the big pressure of like dinner date

563
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 1: or drink state you're locked in, you're one on one

564
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:06,800
Speaker 1: with them, and it's so so much pressure and such

565
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:11,160
Speaker 1: an overwhelming environment. To get back on that, just start

566
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 1: casually speaking to people. And that's how I've met every

567
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:17,399
Speaker 1: guy I have met after my ex and I've seen

568
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:21,720
Speaker 1: I've met casually, and that is why now like I

569
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,159
Speaker 1: am not going to seriously date like that, Like it

570
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 1: doesn't isn't attractive to me, Like I don't want to

571
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:29,920
Speaker 1: meet you on a dating app and you book a

572
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,280
Speaker 1: dinner and we go out for dinner. I don't know you.

573
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,920
Speaker 1: I don't know if I like you. I can't tell

574
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:37,880
Speaker 1: over a few text exchanges. I don't know that I'd

575
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 1: love to meet you in public.

576
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:39,680
Speaker 2: Let's go for a walk.

577
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,119
Speaker 1: Let's go for a quick catch up forty five minutes,

578
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,320
Speaker 1: see how we go if it eventuates into longer than that,

579
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:48,360
Speaker 1: because we're vibing perfect, it's summer right now. Ask if

580
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 1: they want to go to the beach. I went to

581
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 1: the beach with this guy. It was amazing because you're

582
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:54,960
Speaker 1: doing something, You're sitting there, You're not sitting across from

583
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,040
Speaker 1: each other at a table where it's so like such

584
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 1: a high pressure environment.

585
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:00,440
Speaker 2: Just just you say like.

586
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 1: Me and just don't do it seriously, Like it doesn't

587
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 1: have to be like that put pick an environment that

588
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:09,680
Speaker 1: you're comfortable with, and a walk is chill, Like I

589
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:11,639
Speaker 1: don't think of it being like, oh, they don't know

590
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 1: how to put an effort. If they really like you,

591
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 1: you go on the walk, you go on the coffee date,

592
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:17,520
Speaker 1: you really vibe, then you go.

593
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:18,080
Speaker 2: Out for dinner.

594
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's like if the date is like a

595
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 3: couple of hundred dollars, you get in your head and

596
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 3: you're like I need to start acting like a couple

597
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,720
Speaker 3: hundred dollars and like get some serious conbo in here.

598
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 3: It's like, no, that's so fun.

599
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 1: Couple hundred dollars on now I feel bad he paid

600
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 1: for dinner our first date.

601
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 2: I feel like I have to see him again. No,

602
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:36,800
Speaker 2: you go for a walk.

603
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,400
Speaker 1: It's a seven dollar coffee at most, or seven dollar

604
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:42,840
Speaker 1: Marcher chiite cop chocolate, anything you want, any type of

605
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,720
Speaker 1: alma and milk, you want anything. And then if you

606
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,920
Speaker 1: don't vibe, thank you so much for the experience. It's

607
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:52,399
Speaker 1: literally just like getting back into it and just chilling

608
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 1: out and just like not putting the stress on it

609
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 1: and just being like just use it as like experience

610
00:25:57,359 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 1: in your head and be like I want to know

611
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,720
Speaker 1: what this guy has. I want life experience. I want

612
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 1: to understand what he brings to the table, grab a coffee,

613
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 1: chill out a little bit, and then go on your

614
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 1: merry way. If you like him, see him again, and

615
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 1: then actually go out for dinner. I am an avid

616
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:15,679
Speaker 1: coffee date kind of girl. Love it, Like I don't understand.

617
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 3: I feel like that's like meant to be a hot take.

618
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,360
Speaker 3: But yeah, no, it's so much more accessible. You can

619
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,399
Speaker 3: add that into your day. Yeah, whereas the rest.

620
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:25,120
Speaker 2: I'm protecting my piece.

621
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 1: It's just like, no, I don't want to fucking spend

622
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 1: my Thursday night at a fucking wine bar with you.

623
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:31,720
Speaker 1: I don't want to. Don't give a fuck. I'm gonna

624
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 1: wake up crusty and fucking Friday morning for what.

625
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:34,920
Speaker 3: No.

626
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,120
Speaker 1: I can get my steps in, I can get a coffee,

627
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 1: and I can see later and never speak to you

628
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 1: again if I don't want to, It's fine. Protect your peace,

629
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 1: Like I don't care, like the best date I went

630
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 1: on was one of the best dates, or like meat,

631
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 1: don't I don't call them date.

632
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:49,439
Speaker 2: I'm like, it's almost like an interview.

633
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,480
Speaker 1: When we first meet each other, went to the beach,

634
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,160
Speaker 1: spent two hours with him at the beach.

635
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,240
Speaker 2: We got a coconut water, sat on the beach, went

636
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,359
Speaker 2: for a swim. Okay, bye, see you later. It was

637
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,560
Speaker 2: so much fun. The week after we went on a

638
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 2: lovely dinner date.

639
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:05,359
Speaker 1: Beautiful, perfect, yeah, perfect, And I didn't have sex with

640
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,439
Speaker 1: him because I'm too scared. And I let him know

641
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:10,240
Speaker 1: because I communicated like the sexologist told me to incredible

642
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 1: and said that I'm a slow burn and that.

643
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 3: Was so much more comfortable now, so much.

644
00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 2: More comfortable because I released the pressure. She'd be really

645
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,320
Speaker 2: proud of me. I should tell her that I told her.

646
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:21,879
Speaker 3: I love that.

647
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 2: But good luck. Just release the pressure. Slign into a

648
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,399
Speaker 2: guy's dams as well. Guys find that hot, go crazy girl.

649
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:32,359
Speaker 1: Yeah even he says it.

650
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 3: Okay. A guy in my friendship group had a girlfriend

651
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 3: for just under a year. She's a really lovely person,

652
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,880
Speaker 3: but not someone I would naturally choose to be close

653
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 3: friends with at this stage in my life. While they

654
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 3: were together, we got along well and would chat casually.

655
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,720
Speaker 3: After they broke up, she became very attached to me,

656
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 3: asking to catch up on this weekly and messaging frequently.

657
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,679
Speaker 3: I've seen her a few times, but each catch up

658
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:01,200
Speaker 3: turns into a therapy session about the break I understand

659
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 3: that to a point, but I often feel like I'm

660
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 3: forcing myself to see her, which makes me feel like

661
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:09,479
Speaker 3: a bad or fake friend. I was also friends with

662
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 3: her ex boyfriend first, which makes things more complicated. Now

663
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 3: fast food. Eight months after the breakup, and this is

664
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 3: still happening. She comes to me asking why she's no

665
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 3: longer invited to group events, what the group has against her,

666
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 3: and relies on me for everything related to her ex,

667
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,960
Speaker 3: his friends, and a situation in general. He's trying to

668
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,199
Speaker 3: move on, but she wants to maintain friendships with me

669
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 3: and the other girls. I want to be kind and supportive,

670
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:37,720
Speaker 3: but I'm struggling because I don't feel genuine continuing this dynamic.

671
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 3: How do you create boundaries or step back from someone

672
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,480
Speaker 3: like this without being hurtful?

673
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 2: Okay, guys, I think you'd be really, really proud of me.

674
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you something. So.

675
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 1: I had an argument with a close friend towards the

676
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:51,800
Speaker 1: end of last year. It was like a bit of

677
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 1: a back and forth texting argument, and then it kind

678
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:55,920
Speaker 1: of just like fell off. She then messaged me and

679
00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:58,600
Speaker 1: was like, Hey, this is weighing heavy on my mind.

680
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 1: I don't want to lose you as a person my life.

681
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 1: You're super important to me, Like I would love to

682
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 1: grab a coffee and chat about this. Obviously my avoidant issue.

683
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,959
Speaker 1: I was like, no, I'm not going to sit at

684
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,240
Speaker 1: coffee with you and talk about this argument and talk

685
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 1: through it. But then another thing came over me and

686
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:17,280
Speaker 1: I was like, actually, this is a really mature way

687
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 1: to do it. Talk through things, set boundaries, talk about

688
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,520
Speaker 1: why you're hurt, hear her out and everything like that,

689
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 1: and just communicate, like actually communicating and setting ways and

690
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:31,760
Speaker 1: stuff that you want to do something out of not

691
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 1: out of fear of Like you're going to this coffee

692
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 1: because you're trying to please her, or you're catching up

693
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,239
Speaker 1: with her because you're trying to please her, and at

694
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 1: the end of the day, it's not making you feel

695
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 1: good about yourself.

696
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,720
Speaker 2: You feel like you're either bitching about your guy mate.

697
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 1: She's all understanding about that, Like I understand when I

698
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 1: break up with my ex guy friends, I'm not going

699
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 1: to be friends with those girls and hang out with

700
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 1: them all the time like the guy I saw in Europe.

701
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 1: I'm still really close with all the girls that I

702
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 1: was introduced with. But I'm not going to expect when

703
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,360
Speaker 1: I'm over in Europe to be invited on their holidays

704
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 1: because like my is there, Like I'm not like you

705
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 1: can compartmentalize those things like that. Obviously she's hurting at

706
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 1: the moment, But honestly, like the only thing that you

707
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 1: can do, and I know it sounds so hard and

708
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 1: there's no good way to do it. You literally need

709
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,719
Speaker 1: to say if she keeps on messaging you, you need

710
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 1: to message her and be like, hey, like I just

711
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 1: want to let you know, Like obviously a lot of

712
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 1: time has passed since you and Drake broke up, Like

713
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 1: I was friends with Drake first, and I just want

714
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 1: you guys to move on happily. And I just feel

715
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:30,120
Speaker 1: like me continuing to catch up with you to report

716
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 1: back to you what he's doing with his life and

717
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 1: everything like that isn't very helpful for you. And it's

718
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 1: not really a position I want to be put in,

719
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 1: Like I really you can respect that I love and

720
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 1: respect you as a person and love the time that

721
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:44,560
Speaker 1: we got to spend together, but this is no longer

722
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 1: serving me, and I don't think it's helpful for you either,

723
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 1: Like just put in a boundary, like, as you said,

724
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 1: she's not really someone that you're actually friends with. You

725
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 1: are friends because of proximity that she was dating your mate. Like,

726
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:56,680
Speaker 1: you don't have to pleat people please everyone, and right

727
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 1: now you're putting yourself in the position that you're people pleasing.

728
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 2: So yourself boundary. Or go out for coffee with her

729
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 2: for one time and.

730
00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 1: Say to her like, hey, like, obviously I really respect

731
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 1: you as a person. I really like you as a person.

732
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 1: You're an amazing person. I think you're kind. God, just

733
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 1: shower her with all these affections, but just be like,

734
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be doing this anymore. Like, this

735
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:18,480
Speaker 1: isn't beneficial for you to hear about what your ex

736
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:21,040
Speaker 1: is doing. You're both trying to move on me. Reporting

737
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 1: back to you about what's happening in Jake's life isn't

738
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:26,520
Speaker 1: helping you heal. And also, I don't want to be

739
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:29,400
Speaker 1: put in this position anymore. It's making me really uncomfortable.

740
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 1: I was friends with Jake first, and I have to

741
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:34,600
Speaker 1: respect Jake and respect what he's doing with his life,

742
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,719
Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm being a bad friend towards

743
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 1: him by reporting back to you and going back so like,

744
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 1: if you want to be my friend and not be

745
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 1: mentioning Jake, I'd love that, And then that can be

746
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 1: a way to like separate it or just literally be like,

747
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:49,520
Speaker 1: this is not serving you and it's not serving me,

748
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:51,479
Speaker 1: and I don't want to be put in this position anymore.

749
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:52,080
Speaker 2: And I hope you.

750
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 3: Can respect that exactly, because this sounds a little bit

751
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 3: toxic as well. But I think there's a sense of

752
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 3: she's just desperate in a way to maintain her position

753
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 3: in this group. I think if you actually just sorry, this, hey,

754
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 3: this is what I'm not okay with, this is what

755
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:08,160
Speaker 3: I am, I almost feel like because she's so desperate

756
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 3: to be in the group, she's like okay, okay, yeah.

757
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:14,000
Speaker 1: But she also I think she just doesn't know because

758
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 1: everyone's and I feel bad for her because everyone's going

759
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 1: and saying this stuff behind her back, but she doesn't understand,

760
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 1: and she's not understanding that why she isn't getting invited

761
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,560
Speaker 1: to all these things. And I think you can say

762
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 1: it in a nice way it would hurt, but you

763
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 1: just be like we were all friends with Jake first,

764
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 1: and I feel like you guys just you can't be

765
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,440
Speaker 1: in the same environment and I love and respect you,

766
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 1: but I just don't think it's good for you anymore.

767
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 1: And I'm not going to be the person who does

768
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 1: this for you. You need to stop. I understood it

769
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 1: in the first couple of months. It's now eight months

770
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:42,760
Speaker 1: on and it just needs to be put to rest.

771
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:46,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, even something just sweet and empowering to the sense

772
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 3: of like, hey, I got to know you with Jake,

773
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:51,240
Speaker 3: but like I want to build our friendship outside of Jake. Yeah,

774
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 3: you know that's no longer, but let's foster our connection.

775
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 3: No talk of him.

776
00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:56,920
Speaker 2: Perfect love it.

777
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:57,960
Speaker 3: Hope that helps, girl.

778
00:32:58,080 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm so sorry. It is a really hard thing

779
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 1: to do, all right. Last dilemma, girls, last one.

780
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 3: I love the podcast and I love how much you

781
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 3: talk about your mental health and has helped me through

782
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 3: so much.

783
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 1: How lovely thanks staring at my fucking morawm. More for

784
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 1: you girls. I'll do anything for you, guys.

785
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 3: So anyway, my dilemma. I've had a best friend for years,

786
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 3: basically sisters. Let's call her Sophie. Out of nowhere, Sophie

787
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,840
Speaker 3: messages me saying she's disappointed in me as a person,

788
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 3: no warning, no conversation. I'm confused because I genuinely try

789
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 3: to be respectful, especially to my friends. She says, I

790
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:36,040
Speaker 3: was flirting all day with her ex situationship Jake fake name.

791
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 3: Jake is my brother's best friend in a small town,

792
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 3: and I've known him for over ten years. I tell

793
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 3: her I only ever see him when I'm with my brother,

794
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 3: and that I've never been interested regardless of her. Instead

795
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:51,360
Speaker 3: of accepting that, she brings up that I haven't been

796
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 3: making much effort to hang out with her lately, which

797
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:57,120
Speaker 3: is true, but I explain why I've been distancing myself

798
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 3: because I don't feel comfortable with the drugs, constant partying,

799
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,360
Speaker 3: and the way she leads guys on. I don't care

800
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:04,600
Speaker 3: what she does. I'm not her mum. I just don't

801
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:06,920
Speaker 3: want to be around it. I wasn't judging her, just

802
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 3: being honest. She responds, my saying goodluck finding friends who

803
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 3: don't do drugs, which felt ridiculous, especially since all my

804
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 3: friends don't. Fast forward to last week, I'm out with

805
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 3: my brother's friends and Jake is there. I'm normal. I

806
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:21,879
Speaker 3: don't ignore him, but I'm careful with what I say

807
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 3: because I don't want to cause anything more with Sophie.

808
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:27,200
Speaker 3: Later that night, Sophie sees.

809
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:28,759
Speaker 2: Me, this fucking play's written about me.

810
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 3: Later that night, Sophie sees me and yells at me

811
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 3: and in front of about thirty people over Jake without

812
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,799
Speaker 3: even asking what happened. I leave because I don't want

813
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 3: to deal with it, and she's pretty drunk. On my

814
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:42,880
Speaker 3: way out, I run into Jake and give him a

815
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 3: heads up about what just happened. That's it. At three am,

816
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:48,719
Speaker 3: Jake texts me saying he called Sophie's sleeping with his

817
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 3: best friend hypotrotical. Now Sophie won't speak to me, and

818
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:55,080
Speaker 3: I'm confused because I never flirted and didn't deserve to

819
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:57,480
Speaker 3: be yelled at publicly. But now I don't know what

820
00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 3: to do because we're in a very small tower and

821
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,399
Speaker 3: I run into her at least twice a week. What

822
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:03,120
Speaker 3: would Sam do?

823
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:06,400
Speaker 2: Well, let me give you some inside scoop.

824
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:12,080
Speaker 1: I really struggle with this whole thing with boyfriends, ex boyfriends,

825
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:15,719
Speaker 1: ex situationships because everyone has fucking dated everyone. Whether you're

826
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 1: in a small town and you're in a big city

827
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:20,560
Speaker 1: in Melbourne, everyone has seen everyone. It goes back to

828
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 1: a lot of the things of like having an open

829
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 1: conversation with her and people just get like girls. I

830
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:31,319
Speaker 1: don't understand in female friendships why we let boys really

831
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 1: ruin our female friendships because men don't do that, and

832
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 1: they're so and I've spoken about it so many times

833
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 1: that and you said it yourself.

834
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 2: You feel like sisters.

835
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 1: So when you feel like sisters, you feel like you

836
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:44,960
Speaker 1: owe each other something, and you owe each other on

837
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,720
Speaker 1: the same level where men view each other as cousins

838
00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:50,680
Speaker 1: and there's no loyalty and stuff like that. If you're

839
00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 1: speaking to someone in a friendly manner, you're not doing

840
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 1: anything wrong. You were allowed to be in the same

841
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 1: room as someone, You're allowed to associate with them. Anyone

842
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 1: who has any interactions with any ex situationship of mine,

843
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:05,240
Speaker 1: any ex boyfriend of mine, I don't give a fuck.

844
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:09,239
Speaker 1: They're my ex. They're my ex, They're not my boyfriend.

845
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:12,400
Speaker 1: If you're fucking with my boyfriend, different story, that's my

846
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:14,800
Speaker 1: boyfriend X no longer yours.

847
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter.

848
00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:18,800
Speaker 1: They're not a part of your life anymore. Being friendly,

849
00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 1: being on good terms with someone, and being nice to

850
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:23,719
Speaker 1: someone on a night out in a social setting, you

851
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:25,280
Speaker 1: were not doing anything wrong.

852
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:26,879
Speaker 2: And I will stand by that.

853
00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:29,360
Speaker 1: Like I hate people, I'm always made out as not

854
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 1: a girl's girl, that I'm treading on people's toes. No,

855
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 1: I'm just being a fucking nice person and I'm interacting

856
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:39,560
Speaker 1: with another human being. Yes, they might have a dick.

857
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:41,880
Speaker 1: I don't want to fuck them, I promise you. I

858
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:44,440
Speaker 1: don't want to. I really don't want to, and if

859
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:46,279
Speaker 1: I would, I would have done it years ago. I

860
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 1: don't fucking want to fuck your fucking friend, Bro, don't want.

861
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:49,359
Speaker 2: To do it.

862
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:50,800
Speaker 3: I want that put on a T shirt.

863
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:54,919
Speaker 1: It's fine, I don't want it. But this might sound

864
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 1: a little pick me. I can understand. I get along

865
00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:01,040
Speaker 1: with males very very well because I have quite a

866
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,920
Speaker 1: cutthroat mentality. I also grew up in a boys boarding school.

867
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:06,440
Speaker 1: I've been surrounded by two brothers my whole life. I've

868
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 1: been surrounded by boys like it comes naturally to me

869
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 1: to interact with males. I don't want to fuck you, bro, like,

870
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:17,480
Speaker 1: I just don't want to. Like and what you're saying about.

871
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:18,520
Speaker 2: G She call her Sophie.

872
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:22,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, so Sophie. You guys, Yes, you're best friends and

873
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 1: you served purpose for each other at that time of being.

874
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 1: It's okay not to be friends with someone anymore. You're

875
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:30,440
Speaker 1: in a different life path. You don't want to be partying,

876
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 1: doing all illicit substances and everything like that.

877
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:34,200
Speaker 2: That's okay.

878
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 1: You can put in the boundary too that what she's

879
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:39,840
Speaker 1: doing and her lifestyle choices. You don't care that she

880
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:42,719
Speaker 1: does that, but that's not for her, I think. Send

881
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:45,240
Speaker 1: her a message. Don't be doing this shit over the phone.

882
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 1: That is that is the out of twenty twenty six.

883
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 1: Don't fucking do it over the phone. Be a big girl.

884
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:53,320
Speaker 1: Text her, Hey, so I don't really like the tension

885
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 1: that we're in at the moment. Are you free Tuesday

886
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 1: morning to go out for a coffee to talk about this?

887
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:01,200
Speaker 1: When you go talk about eye statements, don't put it

888
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:03,400
Speaker 1: on it, put words into her mouth and just be

889
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:07,080
Speaker 1: like this made me feel I feel like this when

890
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:09,640
Speaker 1: it comes to Jake, this and this and this and this,

891
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,759
Speaker 1: like talk about how it makes you feel, and just

892
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:15,359
Speaker 1: be like, Jake is my brother's good mate, Like we're

893
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 1: gonna be around each other. We live in a small town,

894
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:19,799
Speaker 1: Like you should have enough trust in me that I'm

895
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:22,880
Speaker 1: not gonna do that. And it's nothing like that, and

896
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 1: you've heard it from my mouth, Like it's not like

897
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 1: that and just talk about it from how it makes

898
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:30,839
Speaker 1: you feel. Let her speak as well, let her hear

899
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 1: you out, and just have a conversation. When you're speaking

900
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 1: to someone in person and you're hashing it out in person,

901
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:37,320
Speaker 1: you're a lot more gentle.

902
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,879
Speaker 2: You're not saying things that you don't mean. It might

903
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:40,840
Speaker 2: be really beneficial.

904
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:42,440
Speaker 1: You might come to the conclusion to be like, I'm

905
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 1: so sorry that we've been treating each other like this,

906
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 1: and you might pick up where you left off, or

907
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 1: you both realize that in the you're in two different

908
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:51,080
Speaker 1: life stages right now, and that's okay, and you don't

909
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,280
Speaker 1: have to be vessies with everyone forever.

910
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:54,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, and even if you didn't end up on the

911
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,320
Speaker 3: same page of both let everything.

912
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 2: Out, you've let everything out.

913
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:00,719
Speaker 1: You're probably gonna leave the coffee and some sort of

914
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:03,839
Speaker 1: better motion emotions like you've let it out, You've said

915
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:06,200
Speaker 1: what you needed to say. Have a conversation in person.

916
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:09,040
Speaker 1: Don't be doing this text shit over the phone. Don't

917
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:11,640
Speaker 1: be like it's because you're doing drugs and you do this,

918
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:13,920
Speaker 1: and you do that, you party too much. It's just

919
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:16,239
Speaker 1: being like, I just don't like that, and it's just

920
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:18,840
Speaker 1: not like I have nothing against that, and like, you

921
00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:20,600
Speaker 1: can do whatever you want on the weekends, but that's

922
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:22,440
Speaker 1: just not how I choose to do my weekends. I'm

923
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:24,439
Speaker 1: not saying that yours is better or worse than mine,

924
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:26,840
Speaker 1: but we're just not doing the same things. And that's okay,

925
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:28,959
Speaker 1: and I respect what you're doing, but I just don't

926
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,200
Speaker 1: have to be around it and put myself in those environments.

927
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:32,879
Speaker 1: We'd love to hang out with you one on one,

928
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,120
Speaker 1: but apart from that, like we're just in two different

929
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 1: paths right now, and I don't want to be bitching

930
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 1: about each other behind each other's back and everything like that.

931
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 1: Like we can just part ways nicely have a conversation

932
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:44,759
Speaker 1: in person, but don't put things in her mouth and

933
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:47,799
Speaker 1: don't put the responsibility onto her. Speak about it from

934
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:51,360
Speaker 1: your how you're feeling. Sheit with men fucking drives me insane.

935
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 3: But yeah, and if she also confronts you at a

936
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:56,719
Speaker 3: pub or you're here yelling to say this is not

937
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 3: the time, or plays and try and push for a

938
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:02,439
Speaker 3: coffee or even a phone, I feel like texts definitely out.

939
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, text no, And like obviously you said you live

940
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:07,160
Speaker 1: in a small town. You run into her twice a week.

941
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:07,480
Speaker 2: You can.

942
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 1: You can grab a quick coffee. Yeah, you can grab

943
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 1: a quick coffee. You've got a guarantee. You both got

944
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 1: time for it. Have a coach he err at the

945
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:16,440
Speaker 1: beach in the afternoon. If you've both got work during

946
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,560
Speaker 1: the day, it's not that hard. Meet up at the beach,

947
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:20,839
Speaker 1: have a conversation about it. Yeah, and if you see

948
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:22,640
Speaker 1: her at the pub beforehand and she yells at you,

949
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:25,680
Speaker 1: say so, I'm not doing this right now. I'm not

950
00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:27,760
Speaker 1: having this conversation. This is going to get us nowhere

951
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:29,880
Speaker 1: and it's not productive. We'd love to catch up with

952
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 1: you in person, but please don't come at me like

953
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:32,759
Speaker 1: this right now.

954
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:35,880
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to have fun with my friends. Perfect period.

955
00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:39,879
Speaker 1: I need some water because I've just therapied out you guys.

956
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 1: But that is hotter than yesterday's episode. On Tuesday, I

957
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 1: will see you guys next week for another little episode.

958
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:48,759
Speaker 1: Let me know what you guys want to hear from me.

959
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:51,359
Speaker 1: In twenty twenty six, Lil's desperate to come on again.

960
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:53,399
Speaker 1: So if you guys want Lily, tell her to come

961
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:55,200
Speaker 1: on and yeah, anything else you guys want to hear.

962
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:56,640
Speaker 2: From me, and I'll see you guys next week. I

963
00:40:56,760 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 2: Love you. Mabey's h